The Dirt Whispered, Epilogue
"Joe!" Nick squeals, dodging the water he just splashed and him and giving him a half-hearted glare. "These are new shoes. Don't get them wet."
Joe pushes himself up on his elbows on the edge of the pool, kicking his feet in the water and grinning at him. "Then don't wear them by the water. Duh."
I watch them, smiling, from where I'm relaxing on a lounge chair beside the pool. Listening to their banter makes me feel rather comfortable, because it's not home if my brothers aren't driving each other crazy.
The sun is shining today in Beverly Hills, but it usually is. It makes me glad we invested in the pool when we bought this place. It gives us a reason to spend time outside. And, Joe's therapist says a good way to get his frustrations out is to exercise, so instead of shutting down when he's upset, he can swim laps.
I've been off my medication for just over two years now. It's been interesting, experiencing everything without the dulling effect of the drugs. Joe's been a lot of help, especially on the bad days, but he's always been there for me, so it doesn't come as a surprise. And, when he was finally able to open up and talk about how my hospitalization affected him, I was able to return the favor. We're helping each other heal. That's how it should be.
Neither of us have really spoken to our parents since that awful dinner. I don't hate them for not thinking I was important when I was sick. Joe can't forgive them for their abandonment, and I love him too much to make him try, though I hope he is one day able to.
"Joe!" Nick runs away from the pool when Joe successfully splashes him. He's going to be twenty-one in a couple months. He's found his own playfulness as he's gotten older, and he smiles a lot more, like he now knows he doesn't have anything to prove to anyone. I'm glad he lives with us. I want him close. He rolls his eyes at Joe, who's floating on his back, chortling victoriously, and comes over to sit beside me. "How do you put up with him?"
I shrug, smiling over at my lover, who seems completely at ease pushing himself through the water with his hands and feet, his eyes closed. He looks like an angel. "He doesn't tease me like he teases you. It's a perk of sleeping with him."
"Ew." Nick makes a face at me, but he ends up crawling closer so he can hug me. I like this about him now. He's always reminding me he cares. "I love you." He murmurs near my ear.
"I love you too, Nick." I squeeze him close before letting him up, and I laugh as he grabs a beach ball and throws it at Joe's head as he starts back toward the house.
Joe flails melodramatically and disappears under the water. He pops up near me, sticks his tongue out at Nick, who sticks his out in response through the window, and pushes himself out of the water and drapes himself over me, wrapping his arms around my neck and blessing me with a chlorinated kiss. "Hi."
"Well, hey, there." I chuckle, holding him close. "Good thing I'm wearing my trunks, since you just got me totally wet."
He bats his eyelashes at me too innocently for me to take him seriously. "Well, I thought maybe I could convince you to take them off." He wiggles his eyebrows.
I laugh. I can't help it when I'm with him. That doesn't seem like a bad thing.
---------
Our love-making is always slow. We both seem to agree that the time we spent apart is time we'll never get back, so the time we have together now is so important. My breath catches as I watch him arching up against me, his fingers sliding into mine beside his head on the pillow. I remember again why I'm lucky to have him, because as our bodies move together, I realize I'm the only one who gets to see him like this.
The afternoon sun slips through the curtains. A late-summer breeze brushes over us as we rock together. His fingers slide into my hair, draw me down for a kiss as unhurried as the rest of this moment. I'm not surprised to notice he's crying, the tears slipping out of his eyes, and I can't help but think how beautiful he is with his eyes shining and his face flushed. I don't bother asking what's wrong. I know nothing is. I kiss him gently, holding him close, and I can hear him whispering my name: "Kevin, Kevin, Kevin." He lets out a sweet little sob when he comes, arching up against me, his hands tight against my shoulders.
I'm only a few moments behind him, spurred on by the soft look in his eyes as he gazes up at me. I groan, nuzzling my nose into his neck, and he gives a shaky little laugh, pressing a kiss to my hair. "I love you." He whispers.
I smile up at him, brushing a tear from his face with my thumb. "I love you too." There was a time when I thought I'd never be able to say those words to him again. There was a time when I felt like a small seed, and my world was silent. Now, the dirt is whispering around me, telling me that things are changing for the better, and soon, I'll be growing, the world will be different.
With this beautiful boy beside me, nurturing me, I have a feeling I'll be in bloom for a long time.
Fin.
Joe pushes himself up on his elbows on the edge of the pool, kicking his feet in the water and grinning at him. "Then don't wear them by the water. Duh."
I watch them, smiling, from where I'm relaxing on a lounge chair beside the pool. Listening to their banter makes me feel rather comfortable, because it's not home if my brothers aren't driving each other crazy.
The sun is shining today in Beverly Hills, but it usually is. It makes me glad we invested in the pool when we bought this place. It gives us a reason to spend time outside. And, Joe's therapist says a good way to get his frustrations out is to exercise, so instead of shutting down when he's upset, he can swim laps.
I've been off my medication for just over two years now. It's been interesting, experiencing everything without the dulling effect of the drugs. Joe's been a lot of help, especially on the bad days, but he's always been there for me, so it doesn't come as a surprise. And, when he was finally able to open up and talk about how my hospitalization affected him, I was able to return the favor. We're helping each other heal. That's how it should be.
Neither of us have really spoken to our parents since that awful dinner. I don't hate them for not thinking I was important when I was sick. Joe can't forgive them for their abandonment, and I love him too much to make him try, though I hope he is one day able to.
"Joe!" Nick runs away from the pool when Joe successfully splashes him. He's going to be twenty-one in a couple months. He's found his own playfulness as he's gotten older, and he smiles a lot more, like he now knows he doesn't have anything to prove to anyone. I'm glad he lives with us. I want him close. He rolls his eyes at Joe, who's floating on his back, chortling victoriously, and comes over to sit beside me. "How do you put up with him?"
I shrug, smiling over at my lover, who seems completely at ease pushing himself through the water with his hands and feet, his eyes closed. He looks like an angel. "He doesn't tease me like he teases you. It's a perk of sleeping with him."
"Ew." Nick makes a face at me, but he ends up crawling closer so he can hug me. I like this about him now. He's always reminding me he cares. "I love you." He murmurs near my ear.
"I love you too, Nick." I squeeze him close before letting him up, and I laugh as he grabs a beach ball and throws it at Joe's head as he starts back toward the house.
Joe flails melodramatically and disappears under the water. He pops up near me, sticks his tongue out at Nick, who sticks his out in response through the window, and pushes himself out of the water and drapes himself over me, wrapping his arms around my neck and blessing me with a chlorinated kiss. "Hi."
"Well, hey, there." I chuckle, holding him close. "Good thing I'm wearing my trunks, since you just got me totally wet."
He bats his eyelashes at me too innocently for me to take him seriously. "Well, I thought maybe I could convince you to take them off." He wiggles his eyebrows.
I laugh. I can't help it when I'm with him. That doesn't seem like a bad thing.
---------
Our love-making is always slow. We both seem to agree that the time we spent apart is time we'll never get back, so the time we have together now is so important. My breath catches as I watch him arching up against me, his fingers sliding into mine beside his head on the pillow. I remember again why I'm lucky to have him, because as our bodies move together, I realize I'm the only one who gets to see him like this.
The afternoon sun slips through the curtains. A late-summer breeze brushes over us as we rock together. His fingers slide into my hair, draw me down for a kiss as unhurried as the rest of this moment. I'm not surprised to notice he's crying, the tears slipping out of his eyes, and I can't help but think how beautiful he is with his eyes shining and his face flushed. I don't bother asking what's wrong. I know nothing is. I kiss him gently, holding him close, and I can hear him whispering my name: "Kevin, Kevin, Kevin." He lets out a sweet little sob when he comes, arching up against me, his hands tight against my shoulders.
I'm only a few moments behind him, spurred on by the soft look in his eyes as he gazes up at me. I groan, nuzzling my nose into his neck, and he gives a shaky little laugh, pressing a kiss to my hair. "I love you." He whispers.
I smile up at him, brushing a tear from his face with my thumb. "I love you too." There was a time when I thought I'd never be able to say those words to him again. There was a time when I felt like a small seed, and my world was silent. Now, the dirt is whispering around me, telling me that things are changing for the better, and soon, I'll be growing, the world will be different.
With this beautiful boy beside me, nurturing me, I have a feeling I'll be in bloom for a long time.
Fin.