One-shot - Ever present
Title: Ever present
Pairing: Koyama/Shige
Prompt: #026 - Practice
Words: ~1,000
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Written for je_prompts.
Summary: Shige tries to ignore it when the others talk about Koyama's love life, but sometimes it gets too much.
The practice room was always louder during break than it was when everyone first arrived in the morning. In the morning they were all sleepy, with clouded heads and brains a few seconds behind their mouths, resulting in fumbled, mumbled words. When they stopped for lunch, they were always tired, but at the same time alive with adrenaline, minds kicked into motion by the blood pumping through their veins.
Break time was always predictably raucous, and today was no different. Ryo jabbed Yamapi with his elbow, spanked Tegoshi with his rolled up sweater, and Tegoshi jumped on Ryo’s back to escape further attack.
All the while, Shige sat quietly in the corner, glasses on, frowning at his laptop. Usually he’d partake in the lunch time mayhem, even if it was only injecting a witty comment or two, but he had a report for university due soon, and he wanted to spend as much time polishing it as possible.
At least, that was his excuse. The truth was actually that he really didn’t want to take part in the current conversation.
“I can’t believe Koyama didn’t manage to tap his girlfriend until last night.” Ryo said loudly so all the members could hear. “I don’t understand how he can go so long without sex. They’ve been going out, what, two whole months now?”
Three months, Shige thought dismally, but he didn’t say it out loud. Instead, he tried harder to block it out, but still caught snatches here and there about how Tegoshi thought it was so cute that Koyama would be willing to wait that long, and that he must really love her. About how Massu was glad it was all going well between them. About how happy Koyama must be.
He must be really happy with her, Shige thought darkly, since he and Koyama hadn’t hung out alone for the last 3 weeks. They hadn’t even seen each other at all outside of work for a week and a half, because Shige couldn’t stand being around the two of them when they were together.
It… hurt. There wasn’t really a better, more succinct way to put it. Shige had always thought that saying your heart hurt was a bit stupid, because ‘heart ache’ wasn’t a literal expression. He thought differently now.
When Ryo started pushing for details from the night before, Shige decided it was time for a preferably long bathroom break. He tried to keep himself together, keep his face neutral until he was out of the room, but it was difficult to manage.
Once he reached the bathroom and looked in the mirror, he wondered if he’d actually managed it at all. He looked miserable, like he was about to cry any second.
Shige leant against the sink, looking his reflection in the eye.
“You’re being silly.” He told it sternly. “It’s not like you were ever going to tell him how you feel, anyway, so there’s no point in being upset.”
He saw tears start to well up in the mirror-Shige’s eyes, and then his own vision went cloudy. He blinked, trying to clear it, and kept talking.
“I know you were probably expecting things to stay the way they were forever. People grow up, grow apart… They meet new people and move on. You should think about growing up too.”
His reflection kept staring back at him mournfully, as though what he was saying had no effect on it. Mirror-Shige’s lip trembled, and he rested his head in his hands. Real Shige did the same, sighing shakily.
“Cheer up.” He whispered. “Cheer up, cheer up, cheer up.” He kept repeating it like a mantra, until he was startled by the door opening.
“Shige?”
He could tell that it was Yamapi without looking up, just from the voice.
“Oh… hey.” Shige replied, trying to sound casual at the same time as trying not to show his face. “What’s up?”
“Not much.” Yamapi replied. Then he asked, “Were you talking to yourself before?”
“Um…” Shige felt his face getting warm, embarrassed at being caught. “Uh, yeah. Just a little pep talk. You know.”
“Self talks work the best.” Yamapi said, matter-of-factly. "For me, anyway."
Shige tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a hoarse sob.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized. “I’m just having a rough day.”
He heard Yamapi taking a few steps, presumably coming closer.
“Are you okay?” He asked. “Why are you hiding your face?”
“No, I…” Shige began, then paused and took a breath. “I guess there’s just a lot going on right now.”
They both fell into silence, and Shige, although he was grateful for the concern, just wished that Yamapi would just leave him alone.
“Did the conversation in there upset you?” Yamapi asked finally. Shige stood bolt upright, his gaze meeting Yamapi’s in the mirror.
“I…” He tried to speak, but wasn’t really sure what to say.
“Is this about a girl?” Yamapi asked, and when Shige didn’t react at all, he tried again, asking, “Is it about Koyama?”
Shige flinched, and then with horror realized that Yamapi must know.
“It’s…” He tried, “It’s not…”
“It’s okay.” Yamapi replied gently. “I’m not going to judge you. That’s not what I’m here for.”
Shige felt a sob bubble up from deep inside before he could stop himself. He didn’t want to cry in front of anyone, and he most certainly didn’t want to admit what the reason was, but there was nothing that could be done to stop it.
“I’m sorry.” He managed to force out, in cracked syllables. Yamapi shook his head.
“You shouldn’t apologize for your feelings. It’s not something you can help, or something you should be ashamed of.”
Shige nodded, hiding his face in his hands again. He didn’t want his leader to see him being this weak.
Yamapi waited for a minute or two more, and when Shige’s tears sounded like they were beginning to subside, he said, “I’ll leave you alone, but come back to practice once you feel like you can face it.”
He heard the sound of the door opening and closing, signalling Yamapi’s departure, and then all was quiet again.
Shige smiled a little. As usual, Yamapi was the perfect leader. Compassionate, but business-like to the very end.
Knowing that he couldn’t stay in the bathroom much longer, Shige splashed some water on his face and dried it until most of the evidence that he’d been crying was gone, and he braced himself for his return to the practice room.
The next day at work, the topic was still very much centred around Koyama’s love life. Shige pursed his lips, wondering if he could really take another day of this.
“Why won’t you give us any details about the other night?” Tegoshi kept asking, as inappropriate as ever. Ryo quickly joined in the badgering, half because he thought it was funny and half because he actually was curious.
But today, Yamapi spoke up.
“I don’t think this conversation is appropriate for the work environment.” He said firmly.
Ryo seemed genuinely surprised. “Why? No one’s around. It’s not like it’s going to make the news or anything.”
“Who knows?” Yamapi shrugged his shoulders. “You never know who might be listening. Right, Shige?”
Shige looked up in surprise. “…Um, yeah. That’s right.” He replied. Ryo rolled his eyes and muttered, “Suck up,” but he and Tegoshi both dropped the topic and moved on to other things.
“Thank you.” Shige mouthed to Yamapi once no one else was looking.
Yamapi just shook his head and flashed Shige a brief smile.
“It was nothing.”
---
If anyone was wondering (doubtful), this story is actually called Ever present, because Koyama never actually does or says anything throughout the whole story, but he's still so overwhelmingly there.
Pairing: Koyama/Shige
Prompt: #026 - Practice
Words: ~1,000
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Written for je_prompts.
Summary: Shige tries to ignore it when the others talk about Koyama's love life, but sometimes it gets too much.
The practice room was always louder during break than it was when everyone first arrived in the morning. In the morning they were all sleepy, with clouded heads and brains a few seconds behind their mouths, resulting in fumbled, mumbled words. When they stopped for lunch, they were always tired, but at the same time alive with adrenaline, minds kicked into motion by the blood pumping through their veins.
Break time was always predictably raucous, and today was no different. Ryo jabbed Yamapi with his elbow, spanked Tegoshi with his rolled up sweater, and Tegoshi jumped on Ryo’s back to escape further attack.
All the while, Shige sat quietly in the corner, glasses on, frowning at his laptop. Usually he’d partake in the lunch time mayhem, even if it was only injecting a witty comment or two, but he had a report for university due soon, and he wanted to spend as much time polishing it as possible.
At least, that was his excuse. The truth was actually that he really didn’t want to take part in the current conversation.
“I can’t believe Koyama didn’t manage to tap his girlfriend until last night.” Ryo said loudly so all the members could hear. “I don’t understand how he can go so long without sex. They’ve been going out, what, two whole months now?”
Three months, Shige thought dismally, but he didn’t say it out loud. Instead, he tried harder to block it out, but still caught snatches here and there about how Tegoshi thought it was so cute that Koyama would be willing to wait that long, and that he must really love her. About how Massu was glad it was all going well between them. About how happy Koyama must be.
He must be really happy with her, Shige thought darkly, since he and Koyama hadn’t hung out alone for the last 3 weeks. They hadn’t even seen each other at all outside of work for a week and a half, because Shige couldn’t stand being around the two of them when they were together.
It… hurt. There wasn’t really a better, more succinct way to put it. Shige had always thought that saying your heart hurt was a bit stupid, because ‘heart ache’ wasn’t a literal expression. He thought differently now.
When Ryo started pushing for details from the night before, Shige decided it was time for a preferably long bathroom break. He tried to keep himself together, keep his face neutral until he was out of the room, but it was difficult to manage.
Once he reached the bathroom and looked in the mirror, he wondered if he’d actually managed it at all. He looked miserable, like he was about to cry any second.
Shige leant against the sink, looking his reflection in the eye.
“You’re being silly.” He told it sternly. “It’s not like you were ever going to tell him how you feel, anyway, so there’s no point in being upset.”
He saw tears start to well up in the mirror-Shige’s eyes, and then his own vision went cloudy. He blinked, trying to clear it, and kept talking.
“I know you were probably expecting things to stay the way they were forever. People grow up, grow apart… They meet new people and move on. You should think about growing up too.”
His reflection kept staring back at him mournfully, as though what he was saying had no effect on it. Mirror-Shige’s lip trembled, and he rested his head in his hands. Real Shige did the same, sighing shakily.
“Cheer up.” He whispered. “Cheer up, cheer up, cheer up.” He kept repeating it like a mantra, until he was startled by the door opening.
“Shige?”
He could tell that it was Yamapi without looking up, just from the voice.
“Oh… hey.” Shige replied, trying to sound casual at the same time as trying not to show his face. “What’s up?”
“Not much.” Yamapi replied. Then he asked, “Were you talking to yourself before?”
“Um…” Shige felt his face getting warm, embarrassed at being caught. “Uh, yeah. Just a little pep talk. You know.”
“Self talks work the best.” Yamapi said, matter-of-factly. "For me, anyway."
Shige tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a hoarse sob.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized. “I’m just having a rough day.”
He heard Yamapi taking a few steps, presumably coming closer.
“Are you okay?” He asked. “Why are you hiding your face?”
“No, I…” Shige began, then paused and took a breath. “I guess there’s just a lot going on right now.”
They both fell into silence, and Shige, although he was grateful for the concern, just wished that Yamapi would just leave him alone.
“Did the conversation in there upset you?” Yamapi asked finally. Shige stood bolt upright, his gaze meeting Yamapi’s in the mirror.
“I…” He tried to speak, but wasn’t really sure what to say.
“Is this about a girl?” Yamapi asked, and when Shige didn’t react at all, he tried again, asking, “Is it about Koyama?”
Shige flinched, and then with horror realized that Yamapi must know.
“It’s…” He tried, “It’s not…”
“It’s okay.” Yamapi replied gently. “I’m not going to judge you. That’s not what I’m here for.”
Shige felt a sob bubble up from deep inside before he could stop himself. He didn’t want to cry in front of anyone, and he most certainly didn’t want to admit what the reason was, but there was nothing that could be done to stop it.
“I’m sorry.” He managed to force out, in cracked syllables. Yamapi shook his head.
“You shouldn’t apologize for your feelings. It’s not something you can help, or something you should be ashamed of.”
Shige nodded, hiding his face in his hands again. He didn’t want his leader to see him being this weak.
Yamapi waited for a minute or two more, and when Shige’s tears sounded like they were beginning to subside, he said, “I’ll leave you alone, but come back to practice once you feel like you can face it.”
He heard the sound of the door opening and closing, signalling Yamapi’s departure, and then all was quiet again.
Shige smiled a little. As usual, Yamapi was the perfect leader. Compassionate, but business-like to the very end.
Knowing that he couldn’t stay in the bathroom much longer, Shige splashed some water on his face and dried it until most of the evidence that he’d been crying was gone, and he braced himself for his return to the practice room.
The next day at work, the topic was still very much centred around Koyama’s love life. Shige pursed his lips, wondering if he could really take another day of this.
“Why won’t you give us any details about the other night?” Tegoshi kept asking, as inappropriate as ever. Ryo quickly joined in the badgering, half because he thought it was funny and half because he actually was curious.
But today, Yamapi spoke up.
“I don’t think this conversation is appropriate for the work environment.” He said firmly.
Ryo seemed genuinely surprised. “Why? No one’s around. It’s not like it’s going to make the news or anything.”
“Who knows?” Yamapi shrugged his shoulders. “You never know who might be listening. Right, Shige?”
Shige looked up in surprise. “…Um, yeah. That’s right.” He replied. Ryo rolled his eyes and muttered, “Suck up,” but he and Tegoshi both dropped the topic and moved on to other things.
“Thank you.” Shige mouthed to Yamapi once no one else was looking.
Yamapi just shook his head and flashed Shige a brief smile.
“It was nothing.”
---
If anyone was wondering (doubtful), this story is actually called Ever present, because Koyama never actually does or says anything throughout the whole story, but he's still so overwhelmingly there.