One-shot - Reinventing the World (Part Two)
Title: Reinventing the World (Part Two)
Pairing: Masuda/Tegoshi
Rating: PG-13
Words: ~13,000
Summary: When Tegoshi had gone to bed last night, he hadn’t had a son, and by the time Massu had turned up at his door today at noon, he did.
As Massu had predicted, things got harder from then on. Tegoshi had already said that, given NEWS’ history, suspending or firing him wasn’t much of an option if they wanted to keep the group. But that didn’t mean the company didn’t have other ways of punishing him. Massu knew Tegoshi had been expecting something to happen ever since the pictures went public - he’d known there was no way he was getting out of it unscathed - he just hadn’t been sure what. It turned out that, while he wasn’t going to be suspended officially, they could still do it in everything but name.
It was the first time Massu could remember Tegoshi ever rejecting his company and comfort. He tried to tell himself that it was probably because he felt guilty - after all, all future plans for TegoMass’ new single had been put on hold which affected Massu too - but it still stung a bit. At the very least, in the brief time he’d spent with Tegoshi before politely being told to take a hike, he knew that Tegoshi wasn’t blaming his misfortune on Sora. He’d been as gentle and caring with his son as ever while he explained to Massu that, in no uncertain terms, he would prefer to be alone right now.
Still, as much as it bothered him, Massu could understand. Tegoshi was still being featured in the monthly magazines but outside of that, they’d taken everything from him. As well as the postponement of the TegoMass single, he’d also been pulled from the advertising campaigns he’d been a part of, replaced in an upcoming drama he was supposed to have a role in and, most heartbreakingly of all for him, he’d been told by the Johnny’s executives to step down from his role in ItteQ.
Compared to that, the rest of it was water of a duck’s back. Massu wasn’t sure, but he thought that Tegoshi had probably cried when he’d learnt that he was being taken off the show. He’d said a few times that the rest of the crew were like family to him. Now he was losing one family to keep another.
Tegoshi’s parents had finally found out about their grandson as well, but Massu wasn’t yet sure what the reaction had been. He imagined they were probably more upset that he’d kept Sora a secret from them than they were over the fact that he’d been born in the first place. He’d thought that Tegoshi should’ve told them from the start, but he got the feeling that Tegoshi had wanted to prove that he could handle it on his own, rather than falling back on his mother and father for support as he would inevitably have done.
Massu didn’t see Tegoshi or Sora for the next three days, and what would’ve once been a perfectly normal amount of time for him to go without seeing Tegoshi suddenly felt excruciatingly long. It made him antsy. On top of that, it seemed like a million and one women were stepping forward, claiming to be the mother. Every time another one spoke up about it, Massu couldn’t help the feeling of resentment that began to brew in his stomach. Sora’s real mother didn’t even have anything to do with him anymore now that all the paperwork declaring Tegoshi as the father was out of the way, and these women trying to lay claim to him just because they liked Tegoshi’s pretty face aggravated Massu.
It wasn’t a good time for either of them, but Tegoshi eventually accepted what had happened. He called Massu up when he was finally ready to see him again, seeming much calmer than the other day when he’d sent him out the door.
“I was ready to give up work for him completely,” Tegoshi said, back to sounding like his old self again, Massu noted with some relief. “Having to lie low for a while is better than losing everything. And now I have more time to spend with Sora, making sure he gets all the attention he deserves. It works out, right?”
“Yeah. And you’re still appearing in the magazines.” Massu didn’t voice the thought he most wanted to, feeling strangely shy. It would sound strange to tell Tegoshi, another guy, that he missed him. Him and his son.
Almost as if he could read his mind, Tegoshi brought it up for him. “I think Sora misses you,” he said, and Massu bit his lip to hold back a grin. “We’d like it if you’d come see us sometime.”
“Alright,” Massu replied casually, as though his heart wasn’t soaring as he spoke. “I will soon.”
He smiled absently up at the ceiling after he hung up, holding the phone to his chest.
It was good seeing Sora again. Massu had been half convinced that he’d already be walking and talking and have completely forgotten him after the four days that had passed, but knew it was ridiculous. Babies didn’t age overnight and their memories weren’t that short.
Sora seemed as delighted to see Massu as Massu was to see him, and he practically ignored Tegoshi for the first hour to play with Sora and his toys.
“It’s funny,” Tegoshi commented later, once they’d put the baby down to sleep. “I’ve gotten really used to you being around. It felt weird not seeing you.”
“Oh, well. Yeah.” Massu couldn’t meet his eyes and didn’t know why. After all, he’d felt the same way, hadn’t he? “Well... Sora-kun is still really young, so it’s hard alone...”
Tegoshi laughed quietly, keeping it down to avoid waking the baby. “Yeah. It’s getting easier, though. I’ve become a good papa.”
He sounded so happy praising himself, and it made Massu chuckle before he remembered what he’d been meaning to ask Tegoshi.
“Oh. How were your parents with the news?”
“Mm, good I guess. Mostly upset I’d kept it a secret.” Massu had guessed as much, but he didn’t interrupt to say so. “Mom thinks that I should get married. She says it’d be good for Sora to have a mother.”
Massu felt his stomach twist, and he looked at Tegoshi with alarm. He didn’t like change, and he’d only just gotten used to the idea of thinking of Tegoshi as a father. Seeing him get married was something Massu wasn’t ready for yet.
“You can’t just... do that though. Can you?” He said lamely, feeling queasy at the thought.
Tegoshi looked amused. “I wasn’t going to. Love will find me when it’s time, right?”
Massu had never before been as grateful for Tegoshi’s romanticist attitude as he was at that moment.
~
Koyama was a good friend. He instinctively knew when people needed help, and he always knew what to do or say to get them through a rough patch. And Tegoshi’s current situation - losing so much of the work that was so important to him at the same time as struggling to be a good father - most certainly counted as a rough patch.
Given this, Massu supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised that Koyama was suddenly falling over himself to come over and check up on Tegoshi, make sure he was eating right, cook for him, and offering to take care of Sora so he could have some time alone.
But surprise or not, Massu couldn’t help feeling annoyed. Tegoshi had gotten this far without Koyama’s help, so why would he need it now? Between himself and Massu, Tegoshi was just fine without another person butting in and throwing off their routine when Sora most needed a strict schedule to grow up healthy.
He tried to mention this to Tegoshi, but Tegoshi just laughed and shook his head, telling Massu that Sora was still eating and sleeping at the usual times, so Koyama’s extra help did no harm.
“Besides, I know what I’m doing now,” Tegoshi told him, sounding so proud of himself that Massu didn’t dare argue further.
Didn’t mean he had to like it though; especially not when Koyama was always there when he came over, playing with Sora or cuddled up on the couch with an arm around Tegoshi while Tegoshi held Sora in his lap, as though they were a family. It made Massu feel like his insides were made of jelly, unsettled and wobbly as he tried and failed to fit himself into the picture.
Sora’s excitement upon seeing him whenever he arrived largely made up for it, but when Massu came over one evening to find Koyama there, playing with Sora and a toy that Sora and Massu always played with together, he couldn’t help feeling cranky.
It didn’t help when Tegoshi greeted him with a blinding grin and said, “Massu, just in time! Kei-chan came over to make me dinner tonight and there should be enough for three,” then started to gush Koyama’s praises.
Massu tried not to look as unenthusiastic as he felt, but he could already feel a slight pout forming and his eyes glazing over as he tried to tune Tegoshi out.
“Actually, I just... came over to get something I left here,” Massu lied. It was probably unconvincing, but at this point he didn’t care. “So I’ll just grab it and go.”
Tegoshi gave him an odd, almost quizzical look.
“Well, you’re invited to dinner now. You’re not busy, right? I bet Sora will be so happy if you play with him while Kei-chan cooks.”
It sounded suspiciously like Tegoshi was manipulating him into staying, but when Massu gave him a dubious look, Tegoshi was staring at him with wide, sincere eyes and a guileless expression.
“Alright.” He couldn’t help giving in, even if he was pretty sure Tegoshi was, as usual, being a conniving brat.
“Massu!” Koyama beamed when he made his way over to them, and Sora dropped his toy, losing interest in it to direct a sunny smile up in Massu’s direction.
“Ba!” He beamed, and Massu felt his spirits lifting already as he slid cross-legged on to the ground next to the two of them.
“Ba,” he repeated, grabbing the toy from where it had dropped and holding it up for Sora to grab again.
When it became obvious that Massu had completely stolen Sora’s attention away from him, Koyama chuckled and got up to start dinner.
“Your son has no taste,” he told Tegoshi, motioning over to him and Massu, but the friendly jab carried no heat - half because it was Koyama and he never meant anything maliciously, but half because Sora had chosen Massu over him, and after that, none of Koyama’s friendly teasing could bother him at all.
Koyama ended up leaving before Massu did in the end. He stayed behind, clearing the table and doing the dishes for Tegoshi while he spent some time with Sora. Despite the rocky start to his evening, there was nothing that made him smile quite like walking out into the living room to see Tegoshi with Sora in his lap, flapping his arms and cheerfully telling him, “Now we’re butterflies!”
“Cutest butterfly I’ve ever seen.” Massu flopped down onto the nearest couch, and Tegoshi grinned over at him, batting his eyelashes.
“Thanks.”
“I was talking about the tiny one.”
“Massu, you’re horrible.” Tegoshi attempted to sound offended, but the chuckle he didn’t quite manage to smother ruined the effect. He was silent for a moment, before smiling somewhat slyly. “Sora really likes Kei-chan.”
Massu sat up a little straighter, attempting to keep his face neutral. “Ah.”
“But... you can keep a secret, right?” He leant back against the leg of the sofa and lowered his voice to an exaggerated whisper. “I think he likes you best.”
“Best?” Massu felt his ears burning hot.
“Well. Not as much as me,” Tegoshi clarified. “But definitely second best.”
“Ah,” Massu repeated, and ducked his head, unsure of why he felt so embarrassed.
He let it turn over in his head as he drove home from Tegoshi’s, after he’d helped put Sora down to sleep for the night. Obviously Tegoshi had noticed his reaction to Koyama’s presence in the apartment and his frustration over Koyama’s monopolisation of the baby’s time and had felt the need to reassure him of his importance. But that made Massu feel weird; Sora wasn’t his, and he certainly didn’t have a say in how much time Koyama spent with him. It was probably good for Sora to be exposed to new people, and even if Tegoshi could get on fine without the help of another extra person, it still made his life easier.
He probably resented having to share Sora when he’d been his and Tegoshi’s secret for so long, Massu figured. After all, he’d never really liked sharing.
He wondered if he was getting too weird about Tegoshi’s kid, and spent a moment considering whether maybe he should cut back on his visits. After all, he and Tegoshi had never spent this much time together before Sora’s arrival (though at least now that the secret was out, his parents actually believed him when he said he was going over there to visit) and now that the baby was five months old and Tegoshi had gotten the hang of taking care of him, he didn’t need to rely on Massu as much anymore.
But the thought of deliberately separating himself from the two of them just wasn’t appealing, and Massu was pretty sure that Sora wouldn’t like it, which meant that Tegoshi, by default, wouldn’t like it either. Besides, it was fascinating to see how much a baby developed over a single week. He’d just started to recognise and respond to his own name, and was getting closer and closer to being able to sit up without any help, and Massu was damned if he was going to miss that happening.
He reassured himself that at least his presence gave Tegoshi a chance to step outside and take a break for a while, so it wasn’t entirely for his own benefit.
Taking care of Sora in Tegoshi’s absence was much easier for Massu now, and so when he was over one afternoon and Tegoshi said that he needed to nip down to the store, Massu didn’t bat an eyelid.
“Okay.” He and Sora were already occupied with a rattle, so intensely focused that neither of them looked at Tegoshi when he went to leave.
“Sometimes I wonder if you like his toys more than he does,” Tegoshi called over his shoulder as he headed out of the room.
Massu ignored him, but couldn’t deny that it was probably true when Sora tired of the rattle before he did, directing his interest to Massu’s fingers and shirt sleeve instead and giving them a good tug.
“Hey.” Massu chuckled, pulling his hand away. “Gentle.”
He tickled Sora in revenge, delighting in the way laughter bubbled up from his throat. He’d started giggling weeks ago, but the full belly-laugh that erupted when Massu tickled his feet, the one that was so reminiscent of his father’s, was something that he didn’t think he’d ever tire of hearing.
He didn’t notice when Tegoshi got back until he heard him sit down behind him, finally ending his assault on the soles of Sora’s feet to turn around and acknowledge him. His eyes were soft as he watched them and the smile on his face was unguarded and tender. Massu couldn’t help offering a shy one of his own in return, stomach flip-flopping.
That was about the time things started to change.
There had been a time during their teens when Massu and Tegoshi had been closer than they were for most of their 20’s. During that time, Tegoshi had stuck to Massu like a little shadow until he’d gained enough confidence and finally branched out on his own. Now they were back to being almost inseparable thanks to Sora’s arrival, finding a common interest in him. Massu found the subtle changes in Tegoshi, with his newfound maturity and sense of responsibility, to be quite likeable, and although he’d always been fond of him he’d grown to see him in a new light and appreciate his companionship in new ways.
It was around then that Massu started looking forward to seeing Tegoshi as much as he did to seeing Sora, sometimes staying so late into the night to chat once Sora was asleep that they’d doze off on the couch together. Massu didn’t, however, start seeing the anticipation of being with Tegoshi for what it was until the evening when Tegoshi fell asleep on his shoulder. He looked so content and tranquil in slumber, as though he didn’t have a care in the world, and Massu caught himself leaning in to kiss his forehead before he even realised the urge had crossed his mind.
Tegoshi smelt like a combination of vanilla shampoo and lavender-scented cologne, and Massu had to fight the urge to bury his face in his hair and breathe in, forcing himself to pull back.
It was less of an abrupt change or sudden realisation, and more like a light coming on in a dark room that, until then, he’d been blindly feeling his way around. Everything had already been there, all laid out in his head, but until that moment he hadn’t been able to see it with such clarity.
Massu sat very still, listening to Tegoshi’s even breathing, and the hum of the refrigerator coming from the next room.
It explained the intensity of his possessiveness whenever somebody else tried to lay claim to Sora and, by association, to Tegoshi; was perhaps the reason for the feeling of serenity and togetherness he experienced whenever he was alone with the two of them.
They were already a bit like a family and perhaps that was where the feelings had sprung from. Massu wasn't sure, and it was hard to think clearly with Tegoshi's soft cheek pillowed against his shoulder, or the warmth of his body so close by. He needed his own space, his own room, to go over his thoughts.
“Tegoshi.” He jostled his friend gently, trying not to pay attention to the adorable way his eyelashes fluttered as he came awake.
“What's it?” He asked around a yawn.
“It's late,” Massu nudged him upright and off his shoulder. “I'd better go.”
Tegoshi let him up without any fuss, taking over the sofa once Massu vacated it and stretching out.
“Goodnight.” He offered Massu a sleepy not-all-there smile, and when the urge to carry him to his bed and tuck him in hit, Massu knew he needed to do a runner.
“Don't fall asleep there,” he warned him, knowing full well Tegoshi wouldn't heed his advice. “I'll see you later.”
After giving it a bit of thought, Massu decided that Tegoshi was probably the worst person he'd ever fallen for; worse than falling for his big sister's pretty best friend, or the girlfriend of the most popular guy in high school. He also knew that, like those previous crushes, it was impossible to fight. He was as stubborn as anything, but he'd never been a master of self control when it came to matters of the heart.
As he lay in bed, staring blankly into the dark, Massu decided he wouldn't tell anyone about these newly discovered feelings, much less Tegoshi. He'd force himself to act like nothing was different, and then maybe things would go back to normal by themselves if given time.
Acting normally turned out to be significantly harder than Massu had originally anticipated, though. Now that he knew he felt something for Tegoshi, his heart melted whenever he saw him holding his sleeping son, or saw him sprawled out on his stomach playing with Sora and his toys, or when he stroked the baby's fine, black hair and cooed to him about how much it had grown... in fact, Massu found himself with an almost constant case of butterflies in his stomach and a pounding heart.
One would think he'd get a break during Sora's naps when Tegoshi was baby-free, but no. Those were the times when Tegoshi lay around in his boxers and loose tank tops, sprawled on the sofa, stretched out to his full extent. With a baby around, dressing fashionably had taken a backseat to dressing comfortably, but Massu, for some unfathomable reason, found the expanse of skin his lying-around clothes left exposed to be far more alluring than his tight designer jeans and form-fitting shirts. And those moments were worse, because at least when Sora was there, Massu's feelings for Tegoshi were limited to pure, innocent affection; the desire to take care of him, to be a second father to Sora, to be a family.
But when Sora was out of the room, asleep, and it was just the two of them… well. His feelings certainly took a turn for the more adult. Having a baby there kept everything wholesome, but the moment he wasn’t, suddenly Tegoshi's exposed throat was just asking to be kissed, the sliver of stomach from when his shirt rode up was unbearably erotic, his loose clothes were begging to be removed...
Massu was a little horrified by himself. Sure, he was a guy, and all guys had needs, they just weren't supposed to have those needs with Tegoshi. But god, he wanted him in almost every sense of the word, mind, body and soul.
He started to have dreams, of his and Tegoshi's sweat-slick limbs tangled together, Tegoshi kissing his face and panting in his ear to be careful not to wake Sora before hushing him with his mouth. He dreamed of the two of them skin on skin, Tegoshi's low, breathless voice, hands hungry to explore every inch of bare flesh they came across. He always woke with his body tingling and heart hammering and, sometimes, on the nights he was overwhelmed by helplessness, he'd cry himself back to sleep in frustration, because he'd never realised it was possible to like, to want someone so much, and the feelings had nowhere to go.
A month passed, and though he learned to deal with his feelings better, they didn't diminish any. In a way, he found it was better to be with Tegoshi rather than away from him, because when they were together, at least Massu wasn't thinking about him to the point of distraction.
Work wasn’t helping either; it proved to be very troublesome when - in the absence of NEWS and TegoMass activities - he was given a supporting drama role as, irony of ironies, a kindergarten teacher in love with the single, widowed mother of one of the children.
All in all, it was a pretty dumb drama, but being around cute little kids all day, wondering which of them Sora would grow up to be most like, didn't do anything to curb his paternal urges.
When one of the tiny three-year-old girls drew his portrait and presented it to him as a present, Massu accepted it like it was a great treasure, suddenly unable to wait for the day when Sora would be old enough to put pen to paper. He was old enough to sit in a high chair now, and though he wasn't crawling yet, he'd begun rolling from one place to another, forcing Tegoshi to start baby-proofing his apartment. He was growing up so fast, it made Massu's heart ache.
Tegoshi was far less sentimental about the whole thing. He was mostly just excited; chattering on to Massu about Sora's latest development, and his utter determination to smack the spoon out of Tegoshi's hand every time he tried to feed him now that he'd started on solids alongside his formula.
“I think he wants to hold it himself,” he explained, eyes shining with pride as another spoonful of mashed carrot splattered on the floor and Sora laughed his little head off. “You'll be so independent when you're older, won't you, Sora?”
He already seemed independent to Massu - when he’d arrived three and a half months ago, he hadn’t been able to do anything, and now he was already six months old, moving around by himself, sitting up, practising sounds…
He was suddenly glad that he’d been there to see it all happen, and hoped that Tegoshi would let him be there to see the rest.
Over the next four months, Sora started crawling and teething, and Tegoshi spent a lot of time tickling him to make him laugh and see if he could get a glimpse of his first baby teeth. They knew they were there, because Massu had unwittingly let his finger end up in Sora’s mouth and found out about them firsthand.
Tegoshi was finally off his unofficial hiatus, and their single release had been rescheduled for release in the following month. Fortunately, Sora’s separation anxiety seemed to have settled by that point, so at least Tegoshi would be able to leave the apartment for a while to do promotional activities. No one wanted his re-entrance into the entertainment world to be a total flop because no one knew about it.
Mostly though, their routine hadn’t changed. Massu spent several evenings a week over at Tegoshi’s, spending time with him and the rapidly growing baby, the two of them encouraging Sora’s attempts to walk using the furniture and responding to his incomprehensible gibberish as though it were real words. As they had for several months gone, they’d feed and bathe him together, put him to bed, then hang out and chat while Massu spent the whole time repeating ‘I love you I love you I love you’ in his head over and over, because he couldn’t say it out loud.
Sora had always been happy to see Massu when he came over, but recently he’d begun to get more vocal about it, squealing in excitement and crawling over to the door, or squirming in Tegoshi’s arms the moment he heard Massu’s voice.
Tonight was no different; Massu let himself in and announced his presence, which was followed by a screech of delight from Sora and a greeting from Tegoshi.
“Daddy’s home,” Tegoshi trilled when Massu stepped into the lounge, and Massu froze, blood shooting to his face and painting his cheeks scarlet.
“Hey.” He tried to hide his embarrassment behind a serious expression, wishing it didn’t make his heart pound so ridiculously hard each time Tegoshi called him that. The problem was that he’d learned how much it flustered Massu, and now he wouldn’t stop. “If I’m daddy, that makes you his mother.”
“I’m okay with that,” Tegoshi replied vaguely as Sora struggled in his arms. “Okay, okay. You can go to mouldy Massu. Yuya boring. I get it.”
There was no jealousy in his voice though, his and Sora’s grins equally bright as Massu took the 10 month old baby in his arms. They looked more and more like each other with each week that passed, Massu thought. He was kind of glad he’d never met the mother, leaving him unable to identify which features Sora had inherited from her.
“He really has your eyes,” Massu said before he could stop himself. He felt a bit dumb for saying it, but it was true; they’d developed into the same chocolate-brown as Tegoshi’s, a couple of shades lighter than the average Japanese.
Tegoshi looked at him curiously for a moment, then at his son and smiled.
“Yeah?” He reached out to stroke one chubby cheek, and was rewarded with a gummy grin. “Maybe you’ll grow up to look just like daddy.”
He'd be lucky if he did, Massu thought, then blushed. That had sounded pretty pathetic, even in his own mind.
“Like a clone?” He said aloud, in an effort to come up with something that sounded less love struck.
Tegoshi just snorted in reply, raising one eyebrow slightly, but mostly ignoring it. He’d long since learned to take everything about Massu in stride, including his odd comments.
“You know,” he said eventually, once Massu had put Sora down to play with him. “It really is like you're his daddy.”
Massu focused intently on rolling the ball to Sora. “You're his daddy though.”
“I know.” Tegoshi said as he got up, presumably to start dinner. Then, “But you're like his daddy too.”
Massu squeezed his eyes shut and leant back against the wall. He wasn't sure how he should feel about that.
~
Sora had been able to say “Papa” for quite some time now, and over the months it had quickly become his favourite word. It got results, and he knew it. It only took one wide-eyed “Papa!” and a big smile, and Tegoshi would fall over himself to do anything for his son. At first Massu had laughed, because now Tegoshi finally knew what it felt like to be wrapped around someone’s little finger. Eventually, though, he grudgingly admitted that if it had been him in that situation, it would’ve gotten a similar reaction. Secretly, he sometimes wished it was.
It was about a month before Sora’s first birthday that Massu got his wish - well, almost. He was standing in the kitchen, chopping spring onions, when he heard the familiar sound of shuffling and little hands slapping against the linoleum that meant Sora had made his way in the room.
Massu put down the knife and twisted his head to smile down at the baby. “Hello, Sora! What are you doing?”
“Bababa,” Sora said earnestly, as though he was making complete sense, and Massu couldn’t help but grin.
“I see. Well, I have to finish dinner,” he explained. “But I’ll play soon.”
He turned back to the spring onions, only to be interrupted by something he’d never heard from Sora’s mouth before.
“Mama!”
Massu froze, knife in hand, thinking that maybe he hadn’t heard right.
“Mama! Mama!”
Eyes wide and mouth dropping, Massu turned to stare down at the baby in horror. Sora just looked back up at him, a picture of innocence, pleased he’d gotten his attention.
“Ba!”
Massu swallowed, took a deep breath, then yelled, somewhat high-pitched and hysterical, “Tegoshi!”
In the past, Tegoshi had sometimes taken quite a while to react when someone called his name, but ever since Sora had arrived, he’d started to respond immediately.
“Is everything okay?” He popped his head around the door, looking noticeably calmer once he saw that both Massu and Sora were in there, and that they were just fine.
“Your… he’s…” Massu scrambled for words, indignant and a little embarrassed. “I am not.”
“Huh?” Tegoshi blinked and cocked his head. “Not what?”
“He just. He called me mama. I’m not his mama, Tegoshi! Who taught him that?”
Tegoshi’s brow creased before he knelt down next to Sora, getting his attention.
“Massu is mama?” He asked, pointing at Massu, to which Sora enthusiastically responded with, “Mama!”
There was a brief pause before Tegoshi started to laugh, and as much as Massu wanted to be mad at him for finding this funny, he couldn’t really blame him. Besides, there was nothing that made him quite as heart-warming as Tegoshi’s pure, genuine laughter.
“He’s not… he’s not…” Tegoshi struggled to form words as he wiped tears from his eyes. “He’s trying to say your name, Massu.”
It took Massu a few moments to understand what Tegoshi meant, and suddenly ‘mama’ felt like the best thing he’d ever been called.
~
Tegoshi spent a crazy amount of money on Sora's first birthday considering that the only people he invited were ones that his son was familiar with, so as not to alarm him. The custom made dog shaped cake was a cute touch though - Sora really liked dogs, especially Skull, and enjoyed following him around the apartment and pulling his fur - and considering how much Massu had spent on his birthday present, he couldn't really say anything.
It was a fun party. Tegoshi let Massu feed Sora some cake, most of which ended up on the floor. He didn't even mind sharing him with other people, especially when he sought out Massu's attention on his own, despite Koyama's attempts to steal him away.
The apartment was a mess by the time it was over, with dishes on every surface and toys and wrapping paper scattered all over the floor, but Tegoshi couldn't keep the grin off his face and Sora seemed pretty enthralled with his new toy telephone. He kept dragging it over to Massu and forcing him to put it to his ear and talk on it. When Massu tried to get Sora to do the same, he just bashed the receiver against the floor and laughed at the noise it made.
Once the last guest had left, Tegoshi began to prepare himself for the mental battle of tidying his home, and Massu immediately jumped in to aid him.
“I'll help clean up,” he offered, and Tegoshi, being Tegoshi, didn't reject his help.
They got about halfway through before it was time to put Sora to bed, and by the time they were done with his nightly routine, the two of them were about ready to collapse as well.
“I'll finish tomorrow,” Tegoshi said, flopping down onto his bed and cuddling up against the pillows.
He looked absolutely adorable, and Massu felt his stomach twist into a knot. He stood awkwardly in the doorway, trying not to stare at the way Tegoshi's hair fell into his eyes, or how his position emphasised the curve of his ass.
“I could finish off for you,” he suggested, mostly just looking for an excuse to get out of the room before he did or said something dumb.
“Mm, nah.” Tegoshi stretched, and even the way he yawned was unbearably cute. “Stay and keep me company.”
He patted the bed next to him in invitation, and the knot in Massu's stomach pulled tighter, even as his feet walked of their own accord to do as Tegoshi asked.
“I can't believe he's already a year old,” Tegoshi rolled onto his side and propped his head up in his hand. “He'll be walking and talking and going to school before we know it.”
The way he said it made Massu feel like Sora was their child instead of just Tegoshi's. A lump formed in his throat, but he couldn't swallow, worried Tegoshi would hear it and somehow figure out exactly how nervous he was feeling.
“What are you thinking about?” Tegoshi wiggled closer, sliding a hand up Massu's arm. “You don't usually look so serious.”
“Ah.” Massu forced a grin. “No, yeah, that uh. He is growing up quickly. It's been nine months since his mom left him with you, right?”
“Mm.” Tegoshi didn't remove his hand. “Nine months. And you were there from the start.”
The look on his face was hard to interpret, but somehow it still sent Massu's heart into a frenzy. He licked his lips, trying to force his face to remain impassive as Tegoshi's head came to rest on his shoulder.
“It's... well, I'm glad I was. I mean. It was good to watch him grow up.”
“Yeah.” Tegoshi's voice was barely above a whisper, fingers sneaking down Massu's wrist until their hands were palm to palm. He linked their fingers together, and squeezed softly, then didn't let go. “I'm glad you were too.”
“Tego...” Massu only got the first two syllables of his name out, before Tegoshi's other hand threaded through his hair, and Massu was tongue tied again.
“My mother still thinks I should find him a mama, but I don't think Sora could've had a better family than the one you and I gave him,” Tegoshi murmured, stroking Massu's hair.
Massu exhaled softly, heart full enough to burst, and the words just slipped out. “I love you.”
It was over before he could stop himself, but Tegoshi didn't leave him hanging for long. He cuddled closer, laying his head on Massu's chest, arms falling to slide around his waist. It took Massu a moment to summon the courage to return the motion, holding his breath as he wrapped his arm around Tegoshi and pulled him closer.
They were both silent as they held each other, until Massu cleared his throat.
“You could say it back to me, you know.”
Tegoshi chuckled. “Of course I love you. How could I not love my baby's papa?”
Massu blinked back what felt suspiciously like tears. “I think I need to kiss you now.”
“Yeah.” Tegoshi lifted his head, nose brushing against Massu's chin and breath warm against his cheek. “I think that would be nice.”
Though Massu had been spending a good portion of his time at Tegoshi’s, that night was the first time that he slept over. They fell asleep in their clothes under the covers, wrapped up in each other, and when they woke up to Sora crying for Tegoshi the next morning, they shared a sleepy smile and a good morning kiss before climbing out of bed.
He had work that day, but Massu couldn’t stand the thought of being away for long, and came back straight afterwards to make dinner. Tegoshi spent the whole time attached to his back, loosely embracing him with his head on his shoulder, pressing occasional kisses to Massu’s neck each time he complained that Tegoshi was distracting him.
Sora woke up from his evening nap just before it was time for dinner, and they sat him in his high chair, listening to him babbling away in baby speak as they ate.
Afterwards, the three of them crowded onto the couch together, Tegoshi with Sora and a storybook in his lap, and Massu with his arm around Tegoshi's middle, holding him close and nestling their cheeks together as he listened to him read.
Sora fell asleep in Tegoshi's arms part way through the story, tiny head slumping against his stomach. Tegoshi giggled, murmuring something about it having been a long day, before turning his head to catch Massu's lips in a kiss. Massu melted into it, heart skipping, and when Tegoshi rested his head against Massu’s, it felt like they were a family.
They put Sora to bed together shortly after; Tegoshi placed him in his crib, kissing him goodnight, and Massu tucked the blankets around him, stroking his hair gently and feeling like a real father.
Pairing: Masuda/Tegoshi
Rating: PG-13
Words: ~13,000
Summary: When Tegoshi had gone to bed last night, he hadn’t had a son, and by the time Massu had turned up at his door today at noon, he did.
As Massu had predicted, things got harder from then on. Tegoshi had already said that, given NEWS’ history, suspending or firing him wasn’t much of an option if they wanted to keep the group. But that didn’t mean the company didn’t have other ways of punishing him. Massu knew Tegoshi had been expecting something to happen ever since the pictures went public - he’d known there was no way he was getting out of it unscathed - he just hadn’t been sure what. It turned out that, while he wasn’t going to be suspended officially, they could still do it in everything but name.
It was the first time Massu could remember Tegoshi ever rejecting his company and comfort. He tried to tell himself that it was probably because he felt guilty - after all, all future plans for TegoMass’ new single had been put on hold which affected Massu too - but it still stung a bit. At the very least, in the brief time he’d spent with Tegoshi before politely being told to take a hike, he knew that Tegoshi wasn’t blaming his misfortune on Sora. He’d been as gentle and caring with his son as ever while he explained to Massu that, in no uncertain terms, he would prefer to be alone right now.
Still, as much as it bothered him, Massu could understand. Tegoshi was still being featured in the monthly magazines but outside of that, they’d taken everything from him. As well as the postponement of the TegoMass single, he’d also been pulled from the advertising campaigns he’d been a part of, replaced in an upcoming drama he was supposed to have a role in and, most heartbreakingly of all for him, he’d been told by the Johnny’s executives to step down from his role in ItteQ.
Compared to that, the rest of it was water of a duck’s back. Massu wasn’t sure, but he thought that Tegoshi had probably cried when he’d learnt that he was being taken off the show. He’d said a few times that the rest of the crew were like family to him. Now he was losing one family to keep another.
Tegoshi’s parents had finally found out about their grandson as well, but Massu wasn’t yet sure what the reaction had been. He imagined they were probably more upset that he’d kept Sora a secret from them than they were over the fact that he’d been born in the first place. He’d thought that Tegoshi should’ve told them from the start, but he got the feeling that Tegoshi had wanted to prove that he could handle it on his own, rather than falling back on his mother and father for support as he would inevitably have done.
Massu didn’t see Tegoshi or Sora for the next three days, and what would’ve once been a perfectly normal amount of time for him to go without seeing Tegoshi suddenly felt excruciatingly long. It made him antsy. On top of that, it seemed like a million and one women were stepping forward, claiming to be the mother. Every time another one spoke up about it, Massu couldn’t help the feeling of resentment that began to brew in his stomach. Sora’s real mother didn’t even have anything to do with him anymore now that all the paperwork declaring Tegoshi as the father was out of the way, and these women trying to lay claim to him just because they liked Tegoshi’s pretty face aggravated Massu.
It wasn’t a good time for either of them, but Tegoshi eventually accepted what had happened. He called Massu up when he was finally ready to see him again, seeming much calmer than the other day when he’d sent him out the door.
“I was ready to give up work for him completely,” Tegoshi said, back to sounding like his old self again, Massu noted with some relief. “Having to lie low for a while is better than losing everything. And now I have more time to spend with Sora, making sure he gets all the attention he deserves. It works out, right?”
“Yeah. And you’re still appearing in the magazines.” Massu didn’t voice the thought he most wanted to, feeling strangely shy. It would sound strange to tell Tegoshi, another guy, that he missed him. Him and his son.
Almost as if he could read his mind, Tegoshi brought it up for him. “I think Sora misses you,” he said, and Massu bit his lip to hold back a grin. “We’d like it if you’d come see us sometime.”
“Alright,” Massu replied casually, as though his heart wasn’t soaring as he spoke. “I will soon.”
He smiled absently up at the ceiling after he hung up, holding the phone to his chest.
It was good seeing Sora again. Massu had been half convinced that he’d already be walking and talking and have completely forgotten him after the four days that had passed, but knew it was ridiculous. Babies didn’t age overnight and their memories weren’t that short.
Sora seemed as delighted to see Massu as Massu was to see him, and he practically ignored Tegoshi for the first hour to play with Sora and his toys.
“It’s funny,” Tegoshi commented later, once they’d put the baby down to sleep. “I’ve gotten really used to you being around. It felt weird not seeing you.”
“Oh, well. Yeah.” Massu couldn’t meet his eyes and didn’t know why. After all, he’d felt the same way, hadn’t he? “Well... Sora-kun is still really young, so it’s hard alone...”
Tegoshi laughed quietly, keeping it down to avoid waking the baby. “Yeah. It’s getting easier, though. I’ve become a good papa.”
He sounded so happy praising himself, and it made Massu chuckle before he remembered what he’d been meaning to ask Tegoshi.
“Oh. How were your parents with the news?”
“Mm, good I guess. Mostly upset I’d kept it a secret.” Massu had guessed as much, but he didn’t interrupt to say so. “Mom thinks that I should get married. She says it’d be good for Sora to have a mother.”
Massu felt his stomach twist, and he looked at Tegoshi with alarm. He didn’t like change, and he’d only just gotten used to the idea of thinking of Tegoshi as a father. Seeing him get married was something Massu wasn’t ready for yet.
“You can’t just... do that though. Can you?” He said lamely, feeling queasy at the thought.
Tegoshi looked amused. “I wasn’t going to. Love will find me when it’s time, right?”
Massu had never before been as grateful for Tegoshi’s romanticist attitude as he was at that moment.
~
Koyama was a good friend. He instinctively knew when people needed help, and he always knew what to do or say to get them through a rough patch. And Tegoshi’s current situation - losing so much of the work that was so important to him at the same time as struggling to be a good father - most certainly counted as a rough patch.
Given this, Massu supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised that Koyama was suddenly falling over himself to come over and check up on Tegoshi, make sure he was eating right, cook for him, and offering to take care of Sora so he could have some time alone.
But surprise or not, Massu couldn’t help feeling annoyed. Tegoshi had gotten this far without Koyama’s help, so why would he need it now? Between himself and Massu, Tegoshi was just fine without another person butting in and throwing off their routine when Sora most needed a strict schedule to grow up healthy.
He tried to mention this to Tegoshi, but Tegoshi just laughed and shook his head, telling Massu that Sora was still eating and sleeping at the usual times, so Koyama’s extra help did no harm.
“Besides, I know what I’m doing now,” Tegoshi told him, sounding so proud of himself that Massu didn’t dare argue further.
Didn’t mean he had to like it though; especially not when Koyama was always there when he came over, playing with Sora or cuddled up on the couch with an arm around Tegoshi while Tegoshi held Sora in his lap, as though they were a family. It made Massu feel like his insides were made of jelly, unsettled and wobbly as he tried and failed to fit himself into the picture.
Sora’s excitement upon seeing him whenever he arrived largely made up for it, but when Massu came over one evening to find Koyama there, playing with Sora and a toy that Sora and Massu always played with together, he couldn’t help feeling cranky.
It didn’t help when Tegoshi greeted him with a blinding grin and said, “Massu, just in time! Kei-chan came over to make me dinner tonight and there should be enough for three,” then started to gush Koyama’s praises.
Massu tried not to look as unenthusiastic as he felt, but he could already feel a slight pout forming and his eyes glazing over as he tried to tune Tegoshi out.
“Actually, I just... came over to get something I left here,” Massu lied. It was probably unconvincing, but at this point he didn’t care. “So I’ll just grab it and go.”
Tegoshi gave him an odd, almost quizzical look.
“Well, you’re invited to dinner now. You’re not busy, right? I bet Sora will be so happy if you play with him while Kei-chan cooks.”
It sounded suspiciously like Tegoshi was manipulating him into staying, but when Massu gave him a dubious look, Tegoshi was staring at him with wide, sincere eyes and a guileless expression.
“Alright.” He couldn’t help giving in, even if he was pretty sure Tegoshi was, as usual, being a conniving brat.
“Massu!” Koyama beamed when he made his way over to them, and Sora dropped his toy, losing interest in it to direct a sunny smile up in Massu’s direction.
“Ba!” He beamed, and Massu felt his spirits lifting already as he slid cross-legged on to the ground next to the two of them.
“Ba,” he repeated, grabbing the toy from where it had dropped and holding it up for Sora to grab again.
When it became obvious that Massu had completely stolen Sora’s attention away from him, Koyama chuckled and got up to start dinner.
“Your son has no taste,” he told Tegoshi, motioning over to him and Massu, but the friendly jab carried no heat - half because it was Koyama and he never meant anything maliciously, but half because Sora had chosen Massu over him, and after that, none of Koyama’s friendly teasing could bother him at all.
Koyama ended up leaving before Massu did in the end. He stayed behind, clearing the table and doing the dishes for Tegoshi while he spent some time with Sora. Despite the rocky start to his evening, there was nothing that made him smile quite like walking out into the living room to see Tegoshi with Sora in his lap, flapping his arms and cheerfully telling him, “Now we’re butterflies!”
“Cutest butterfly I’ve ever seen.” Massu flopped down onto the nearest couch, and Tegoshi grinned over at him, batting his eyelashes.
“Thanks.”
“I was talking about the tiny one.”
“Massu, you’re horrible.” Tegoshi attempted to sound offended, but the chuckle he didn’t quite manage to smother ruined the effect. He was silent for a moment, before smiling somewhat slyly. “Sora really likes Kei-chan.”
Massu sat up a little straighter, attempting to keep his face neutral. “Ah.”
“But... you can keep a secret, right?” He leant back against the leg of the sofa and lowered his voice to an exaggerated whisper. “I think he likes you best.”
“Best?” Massu felt his ears burning hot.
“Well. Not as much as me,” Tegoshi clarified. “But definitely second best.”
“Ah,” Massu repeated, and ducked his head, unsure of why he felt so embarrassed.
He let it turn over in his head as he drove home from Tegoshi’s, after he’d helped put Sora down to sleep for the night. Obviously Tegoshi had noticed his reaction to Koyama’s presence in the apartment and his frustration over Koyama’s monopolisation of the baby’s time and had felt the need to reassure him of his importance. But that made Massu feel weird; Sora wasn’t his, and he certainly didn’t have a say in how much time Koyama spent with him. It was probably good for Sora to be exposed to new people, and even if Tegoshi could get on fine without the help of another extra person, it still made his life easier.
He probably resented having to share Sora when he’d been his and Tegoshi’s secret for so long, Massu figured. After all, he’d never really liked sharing.
He wondered if he was getting too weird about Tegoshi’s kid, and spent a moment considering whether maybe he should cut back on his visits. After all, he and Tegoshi had never spent this much time together before Sora’s arrival (though at least now that the secret was out, his parents actually believed him when he said he was going over there to visit) and now that the baby was five months old and Tegoshi had gotten the hang of taking care of him, he didn’t need to rely on Massu as much anymore.
But the thought of deliberately separating himself from the two of them just wasn’t appealing, and Massu was pretty sure that Sora wouldn’t like it, which meant that Tegoshi, by default, wouldn’t like it either. Besides, it was fascinating to see how much a baby developed over a single week. He’d just started to recognise and respond to his own name, and was getting closer and closer to being able to sit up without any help, and Massu was damned if he was going to miss that happening.
He reassured himself that at least his presence gave Tegoshi a chance to step outside and take a break for a while, so it wasn’t entirely for his own benefit.
Taking care of Sora in Tegoshi’s absence was much easier for Massu now, and so when he was over one afternoon and Tegoshi said that he needed to nip down to the store, Massu didn’t bat an eyelid.
“Okay.” He and Sora were already occupied with a rattle, so intensely focused that neither of them looked at Tegoshi when he went to leave.
“Sometimes I wonder if you like his toys more than he does,” Tegoshi called over his shoulder as he headed out of the room.
Massu ignored him, but couldn’t deny that it was probably true when Sora tired of the rattle before he did, directing his interest to Massu’s fingers and shirt sleeve instead and giving them a good tug.
“Hey.” Massu chuckled, pulling his hand away. “Gentle.”
He tickled Sora in revenge, delighting in the way laughter bubbled up from his throat. He’d started giggling weeks ago, but the full belly-laugh that erupted when Massu tickled his feet, the one that was so reminiscent of his father’s, was something that he didn’t think he’d ever tire of hearing.
He didn’t notice when Tegoshi got back until he heard him sit down behind him, finally ending his assault on the soles of Sora’s feet to turn around and acknowledge him. His eyes were soft as he watched them and the smile on his face was unguarded and tender. Massu couldn’t help offering a shy one of his own in return, stomach flip-flopping.
That was about the time things started to change.
There had been a time during their teens when Massu and Tegoshi had been closer than they were for most of their 20’s. During that time, Tegoshi had stuck to Massu like a little shadow until he’d gained enough confidence and finally branched out on his own. Now they were back to being almost inseparable thanks to Sora’s arrival, finding a common interest in him. Massu found the subtle changes in Tegoshi, with his newfound maturity and sense of responsibility, to be quite likeable, and although he’d always been fond of him he’d grown to see him in a new light and appreciate his companionship in new ways.
It was around then that Massu started looking forward to seeing Tegoshi as much as he did to seeing Sora, sometimes staying so late into the night to chat once Sora was asleep that they’d doze off on the couch together. Massu didn’t, however, start seeing the anticipation of being with Tegoshi for what it was until the evening when Tegoshi fell asleep on his shoulder. He looked so content and tranquil in slumber, as though he didn’t have a care in the world, and Massu caught himself leaning in to kiss his forehead before he even realised the urge had crossed his mind.
Tegoshi smelt like a combination of vanilla shampoo and lavender-scented cologne, and Massu had to fight the urge to bury his face in his hair and breathe in, forcing himself to pull back.
It was less of an abrupt change or sudden realisation, and more like a light coming on in a dark room that, until then, he’d been blindly feeling his way around. Everything had already been there, all laid out in his head, but until that moment he hadn’t been able to see it with such clarity.
Massu sat very still, listening to Tegoshi’s even breathing, and the hum of the refrigerator coming from the next room.
It explained the intensity of his possessiveness whenever somebody else tried to lay claim to Sora and, by association, to Tegoshi; was perhaps the reason for the feeling of serenity and togetherness he experienced whenever he was alone with the two of them.
They were already a bit like a family and perhaps that was where the feelings had sprung from. Massu wasn't sure, and it was hard to think clearly with Tegoshi's soft cheek pillowed against his shoulder, or the warmth of his body so close by. He needed his own space, his own room, to go over his thoughts.
“Tegoshi.” He jostled his friend gently, trying not to pay attention to the adorable way his eyelashes fluttered as he came awake.
“What's it?” He asked around a yawn.
“It's late,” Massu nudged him upright and off his shoulder. “I'd better go.”
Tegoshi let him up without any fuss, taking over the sofa once Massu vacated it and stretching out.
“Goodnight.” He offered Massu a sleepy not-all-there smile, and when the urge to carry him to his bed and tuck him in hit, Massu knew he needed to do a runner.
“Don't fall asleep there,” he warned him, knowing full well Tegoshi wouldn't heed his advice. “I'll see you later.”
After giving it a bit of thought, Massu decided that Tegoshi was probably the worst person he'd ever fallen for; worse than falling for his big sister's pretty best friend, or the girlfriend of the most popular guy in high school. He also knew that, like those previous crushes, it was impossible to fight. He was as stubborn as anything, but he'd never been a master of self control when it came to matters of the heart.
As he lay in bed, staring blankly into the dark, Massu decided he wouldn't tell anyone about these newly discovered feelings, much less Tegoshi. He'd force himself to act like nothing was different, and then maybe things would go back to normal by themselves if given time.
Acting normally turned out to be significantly harder than Massu had originally anticipated, though. Now that he knew he felt something for Tegoshi, his heart melted whenever he saw him holding his sleeping son, or saw him sprawled out on his stomach playing with Sora and his toys, or when he stroked the baby's fine, black hair and cooed to him about how much it had grown... in fact, Massu found himself with an almost constant case of butterflies in his stomach and a pounding heart.
One would think he'd get a break during Sora's naps when Tegoshi was baby-free, but no. Those were the times when Tegoshi lay around in his boxers and loose tank tops, sprawled on the sofa, stretched out to his full extent. With a baby around, dressing fashionably had taken a backseat to dressing comfortably, but Massu, for some unfathomable reason, found the expanse of skin his lying-around clothes left exposed to be far more alluring than his tight designer jeans and form-fitting shirts. And those moments were worse, because at least when Sora was there, Massu's feelings for Tegoshi were limited to pure, innocent affection; the desire to take care of him, to be a second father to Sora, to be a family.
But when Sora was out of the room, asleep, and it was just the two of them… well. His feelings certainly took a turn for the more adult. Having a baby there kept everything wholesome, but the moment he wasn’t, suddenly Tegoshi's exposed throat was just asking to be kissed, the sliver of stomach from when his shirt rode up was unbearably erotic, his loose clothes were begging to be removed...
Massu was a little horrified by himself. Sure, he was a guy, and all guys had needs, they just weren't supposed to have those needs with Tegoshi. But god, he wanted him in almost every sense of the word, mind, body and soul.
He started to have dreams, of his and Tegoshi's sweat-slick limbs tangled together, Tegoshi kissing his face and panting in his ear to be careful not to wake Sora before hushing him with his mouth. He dreamed of the two of them skin on skin, Tegoshi's low, breathless voice, hands hungry to explore every inch of bare flesh they came across. He always woke with his body tingling and heart hammering and, sometimes, on the nights he was overwhelmed by helplessness, he'd cry himself back to sleep in frustration, because he'd never realised it was possible to like, to want someone so much, and the feelings had nowhere to go.
A month passed, and though he learned to deal with his feelings better, they didn't diminish any. In a way, he found it was better to be with Tegoshi rather than away from him, because when they were together, at least Massu wasn't thinking about him to the point of distraction.
Work wasn’t helping either; it proved to be very troublesome when - in the absence of NEWS and TegoMass activities - he was given a supporting drama role as, irony of ironies, a kindergarten teacher in love with the single, widowed mother of one of the children.
All in all, it was a pretty dumb drama, but being around cute little kids all day, wondering which of them Sora would grow up to be most like, didn't do anything to curb his paternal urges.
When one of the tiny three-year-old girls drew his portrait and presented it to him as a present, Massu accepted it like it was a great treasure, suddenly unable to wait for the day when Sora would be old enough to put pen to paper. He was old enough to sit in a high chair now, and though he wasn't crawling yet, he'd begun rolling from one place to another, forcing Tegoshi to start baby-proofing his apartment. He was growing up so fast, it made Massu's heart ache.
Tegoshi was far less sentimental about the whole thing. He was mostly just excited; chattering on to Massu about Sora's latest development, and his utter determination to smack the spoon out of Tegoshi's hand every time he tried to feed him now that he'd started on solids alongside his formula.
“I think he wants to hold it himself,” he explained, eyes shining with pride as another spoonful of mashed carrot splattered on the floor and Sora laughed his little head off. “You'll be so independent when you're older, won't you, Sora?”
He already seemed independent to Massu - when he’d arrived three and a half months ago, he hadn’t been able to do anything, and now he was already six months old, moving around by himself, sitting up, practising sounds…
He was suddenly glad that he’d been there to see it all happen, and hoped that Tegoshi would let him be there to see the rest.
Over the next four months, Sora started crawling and teething, and Tegoshi spent a lot of time tickling him to make him laugh and see if he could get a glimpse of his first baby teeth. They knew they were there, because Massu had unwittingly let his finger end up in Sora’s mouth and found out about them firsthand.
Tegoshi was finally off his unofficial hiatus, and their single release had been rescheduled for release in the following month. Fortunately, Sora’s separation anxiety seemed to have settled by that point, so at least Tegoshi would be able to leave the apartment for a while to do promotional activities. No one wanted his re-entrance into the entertainment world to be a total flop because no one knew about it.
Mostly though, their routine hadn’t changed. Massu spent several evenings a week over at Tegoshi’s, spending time with him and the rapidly growing baby, the two of them encouraging Sora’s attempts to walk using the furniture and responding to his incomprehensible gibberish as though it were real words. As they had for several months gone, they’d feed and bathe him together, put him to bed, then hang out and chat while Massu spent the whole time repeating ‘I love you I love you I love you’ in his head over and over, because he couldn’t say it out loud.
Sora had always been happy to see Massu when he came over, but recently he’d begun to get more vocal about it, squealing in excitement and crawling over to the door, or squirming in Tegoshi’s arms the moment he heard Massu’s voice.
Tonight was no different; Massu let himself in and announced his presence, which was followed by a screech of delight from Sora and a greeting from Tegoshi.
“Daddy’s home,” Tegoshi trilled when Massu stepped into the lounge, and Massu froze, blood shooting to his face and painting his cheeks scarlet.
“Hey.” He tried to hide his embarrassment behind a serious expression, wishing it didn’t make his heart pound so ridiculously hard each time Tegoshi called him that. The problem was that he’d learned how much it flustered Massu, and now he wouldn’t stop. “If I’m daddy, that makes you his mother.”
“I’m okay with that,” Tegoshi replied vaguely as Sora struggled in his arms. “Okay, okay. You can go to mouldy Massu. Yuya boring. I get it.”
There was no jealousy in his voice though, his and Sora’s grins equally bright as Massu took the 10 month old baby in his arms. They looked more and more like each other with each week that passed, Massu thought. He was kind of glad he’d never met the mother, leaving him unable to identify which features Sora had inherited from her.
“He really has your eyes,” Massu said before he could stop himself. He felt a bit dumb for saying it, but it was true; they’d developed into the same chocolate-brown as Tegoshi’s, a couple of shades lighter than the average Japanese.
Tegoshi looked at him curiously for a moment, then at his son and smiled.
“Yeah?” He reached out to stroke one chubby cheek, and was rewarded with a gummy grin. “Maybe you’ll grow up to look just like daddy.”
He'd be lucky if he did, Massu thought, then blushed. That had sounded pretty pathetic, even in his own mind.
“Like a clone?” He said aloud, in an effort to come up with something that sounded less love struck.
Tegoshi just snorted in reply, raising one eyebrow slightly, but mostly ignoring it. He’d long since learned to take everything about Massu in stride, including his odd comments.
“You know,” he said eventually, once Massu had put Sora down to play with him. “It really is like you're his daddy.”
Massu focused intently on rolling the ball to Sora. “You're his daddy though.”
“I know.” Tegoshi said as he got up, presumably to start dinner. Then, “But you're like his daddy too.”
Massu squeezed his eyes shut and leant back against the wall. He wasn't sure how he should feel about that.
~
Sora had been able to say “Papa” for quite some time now, and over the months it had quickly become his favourite word. It got results, and he knew it. It only took one wide-eyed “Papa!” and a big smile, and Tegoshi would fall over himself to do anything for his son. At first Massu had laughed, because now Tegoshi finally knew what it felt like to be wrapped around someone’s little finger. Eventually, though, he grudgingly admitted that if it had been him in that situation, it would’ve gotten a similar reaction. Secretly, he sometimes wished it was.
It was about a month before Sora’s first birthday that Massu got his wish - well, almost. He was standing in the kitchen, chopping spring onions, when he heard the familiar sound of shuffling and little hands slapping against the linoleum that meant Sora had made his way in the room.
Massu put down the knife and twisted his head to smile down at the baby. “Hello, Sora! What are you doing?”
“Bababa,” Sora said earnestly, as though he was making complete sense, and Massu couldn’t help but grin.
“I see. Well, I have to finish dinner,” he explained. “But I’ll play soon.”
He turned back to the spring onions, only to be interrupted by something he’d never heard from Sora’s mouth before.
“Mama!”
Massu froze, knife in hand, thinking that maybe he hadn’t heard right.
“Mama! Mama!”
Eyes wide and mouth dropping, Massu turned to stare down at the baby in horror. Sora just looked back up at him, a picture of innocence, pleased he’d gotten his attention.
“Ba!”
Massu swallowed, took a deep breath, then yelled, somewhat high-pitched and hysterical, “Tegoshi!”
In the past, Tegoshi had sometimes taken quite a while to react when someone called his name, but ever since Sora had arrived, he’d started to respond immediately.
“Is everything okay?” He popped his head around the door, looking noticeably calmer once he saw that both Massu and Sora were in there, and that they were just fine.
“Your… he’s…” Massu scrambled for words, indignant and a little embarrassed. “I am not.”
“Huh?” Tegoshi blinked and cocked his head. “Not what?”
“He just. He called me mama. I’m not his mama, Tegoshi! Who taught him that?”
Tegoshi’s brow creased before he knelt down next to Sora, getting his attention.
“Massu is mama?” He asked, pointing at Massu, to which Sora enthusiastically responded with, “Mama!”
There was a brief pause before Tegoshi started to laugh, and as much as Massu wanted to be mad at him for finding this funny, he couldn’t really blame him. Besides, there was nothing that made him quite as heart-warming as Tegoshi’s pure, genuine laughter.
“He’s not… he’s not…” Tegoshi struggled to form words as he wiped tears from his eyes. “He’s trying to say your name, Massu.”
It took Massu a few moments to understand what Tegoshi meant, and suddenly ‘mama’ felt like the best thing he’d ever been called.
~
Tegoshi spent a crazy amount of money on Sora's first birthday considering that the only people he invited were ones that his son was familiar with, so as not to alarm him. The custom made dog shaped cake was a cute touch though - Sora really liked dogs, especially Skull, and enjoyed following him around the apartment and pulling his fur - and considering how much Massu had spent on his birthday present, he couldn't really say anything.
It was a fun party. Tegoshi let Massu feed Sora some cake, most of which ended up on the floor. He didn't even mind sharing him with other people, especially when he sought out Massu's attention on his own, despite Koyama's attempts to steal him away.
The apartment was a mess by the time it was over, with dishes on every surface and toys and wrapping paper scattered all over the floor, but Tegoshi couldn't keep the grin off his face and Sora seemed pretty enthralled with his new toy telephone. He kept dragging it over to Massu and forcing him to put it to his ear and talk on it. When Massu tried to get Sora to do the same, he just bashed the receiver against the floor and laughed at the noise it made.
Once the last guest had left, Tegoshi began to prepare himself for the mental battle of tidying his home, and Massu immediately jumped in to aid him.
“I'll help clean up,” he offered, and Tegoshi, being Tegoshi, didn't reject his help.
They got about halfway through before it was time to put Sora to bed, and by the time they were done with his nightly routine, the two of them were about ready to collapse as well.
“I'll finish tomorrow,” Tegoshi said, flopping down onto his bed and cuddling up against the pillows.
He looked absolutely adorable, and Massu felt his stomach twist into a knot. He stood awkwardly in the doorway, trying not to stare at the way Tegoshi's hair fell into his eyes, or how his position emphasised the curve of his ass.
“I could finish off for you,” he suggested, mostly just looking for an excuse to get out of the room before he did or said something dumb.
“Mm, nah.” Tegoshi stretched, and even the way he yawned was unbearably cute. “Stay and keep me company.”
He patted the bed next to him in invitation, and the knot in Massu's stomach pulled tighter, even as his feet walked of their own accord to do as Tegoshi asked.
“I can't believe he's already a year old,” Tegoshi rolled onto his side and propped his head up in his hand. “He'll be walking and talking and going to school before we know it.”
The way he said it made Massu feel like Sora was their child instead of just Tegoshi's. A lump formed in his throat, but he couldn't swallow, worried Tegoshi would hear it and somehow figure out exactly how nervous he was feeling.
“What are you thinking about?” Tegoshi wiggled closer, sliding a hand up Massu's arm. “You don't usually look so serious.”
“Ah.” Massu forced a grin. “No, yeah, that uh. He is growing up quickly. It's been nine months since his mom left him with you, right?”
“Mm.” Tegoshi didn't remove his hand. “Nine months. And you were there from the start.”
The look on his face was hard to interpret, but somehow it still sent Massu's heart into a frenzy. He licked his lips, trying to force his face to remain impassive as Tegoshi's head came to rest on his shoulder.
“It's... well, I'm glad I was. I mean. It was good to watch him grow up.”
“Yeah.” Tegoshi's voice was barely above a whisper, fingers sneaking down Massu's wrist until their hands were palm to palm. He linked their fingers together, and squeezed softly, then didn't let go. “I'm glad you were too.”
“Tego...” Massu only got the first two syllables of his name out, before Tegoshi's other hand threaded through his hair, and Massu was tongue tied again.
“My mother still thinks I should find him a mama, but I don't think Sora could've had a better family than the one you and I gave him,” Tegoshi murmured, stroking Massu's hair.
Massu exhaled softly, heart full enough to burst, and the words just slipped out. “I love you.”
It was over before he could stop himself, but Tegoshi didn't leave him hanging for long. He cuddled closer, laying his head on Massu's chest, arms falling to slide around his waist. It took Massu a moment to summon the courage to return the motion, holding his breath as he wrapped his arm around Tegoshi and pulled him closer.
They were both silent as they held each other, until Massu cleared his throat.
“You could say it back to me, you know.”
Tegoshi chuckled. “Of course I love you. How could I not love my baby's papa?”
Massu blinked back what felt suspiciously like tears. “I think I need to kiss you now.”
“Yeah.” Tegoshi lifted his head, nose brushing against Massu's chin and breath warm against his cheek. “I think that would be nice.”
Though Massu had been spending a good portion of his time at Tegoshi’s, that night was the first time that he slept over. They fell asleep in their clothes under the covers, wrapped up in each other, and when they woke up to Sora crying for Tegoshi the next morning, they shared a sleepy smile and a good morning kiss before climbing out of bed.
He had work that day, but Massu couldn’t stand the thought of being away for long, and came back straight afterwards to make dinner. Tegoshi spent the whole time attached to his back, loosely embracing him with his head on his shoulder, pressing occasional kisses to Massu’s neck each time he complained that Tegoshi was distracting him.
Sora woke up from his evening nap just before it was time for dinner, and they sat him in his high chair, listening to him babbling away in baby speak as they ate.
Afterwards, the three of them crowded onto the couch together, Tegoshi with Sora and a storybook in his lap, and Massu with his arm around Tegoshi's middle, holding him close and nestling their cheeks together as he listened to him read.
Sora fell asleep in Tegoshi's arms part way through the story, tiny head slumping against his stomach. Tegoshi giggled, murmuring something about it having been a long day, before turning his head to catch Massu's lips in a kiss. Massu melted into it, heart skipping, and when Tegoshi rested his head against Massu’s, it felt like they were a family.
They put Sora to bed together shortly after; Tegoshi placed him in his crib, kissing him goodnight, and Massu tucked the blankets around him, stroking his hair gently and feeling like a real father.