One-shot - Promise
Title: Promise
Pairing: Koyama/Shige
Prompt: #038 - Replace
Words: ~1,500
Rating: PG
A/N: Written for je_prompts and dedicated to unfenced_fire.
Summary: Koyama consoles a heart-broken Shige.
Shige was crying.
Koyama didn't know why, didn't even have the slightest clue; all he knew was that it broke his heart, and he wanted it to stop. It made no sense to him, because when Shige had invited him over to his apartment on the phone, he'd sounded fine. But here he was now, sitting in front of his laptop, crying harder than Koyama had seen in years.
When he first stepped into the room, calling his name in a hesitant, soft voice, Shige looked up from his computer, eyes red and puffy, and said, "Koyama, please just leave."
Koyama was both taken aback and a little bit scared, because something must be wrong. He didn't listen to Shige's warning, and took a few more steps into the room.
"But Shige, you just asked me to come over and now you're asking me to leave? I don't underst..."
"Just get the fuck out!" Shige shouted, and Koyama was so stunned by his sudden hostility that he almost complied and turned on his heel to go. But Koyama was Shige's best friend, and they'd known each other for years. So he didn't. He walked over to Shige, and wrapped his arms around him from behind, holding on tight.
Shige stayed rigid in the embrace for a few seconds, during which Koyama wondered if he really did want him to leave. But then Shige stumbled out of his chair, and threw himself back into Koyama's arms, hugging him back fiercely and sobbing all over again. Koyama soothed him, stroked his hair, pressed his lips against the top of his head in an almost-kiss. He could smell his shampoo and what might be a hint of cologne, mixing with a scent that was just overwhelmingly Shige.
He held him, firmly but tenderly, until his sobs subsided and Koyama's shirt collar was soaked with tears. It was only then that Koyama asked him what was wrong, with one hand entangled in his hair, resting against the back of his head, and his lips right up close to Shige's ear, as though he was whispering a secret.
Shige breathed in shakily, but didn't start to cry again, which Koyama took as a good sign. Until he heard the answer.
"He broke up with me."
"Oh..." Koyama wished he had something better to say. Something clever and touching that would chase away all of Shige's worries and make him okay. Make him see that anyone who left him and broke his heart wasn't worth it. But nothing came. Just, "Oh". Just one useless syllable that meant nothing. Told Shige nothing.
Shige had met a boy at university some months ago, and the two had quickly fallen in love. Koyama was the first and only person that he'd told about it, and he'd taken it surprisingly well, since it had come as a bit of a shock. After all, all things considered, before this Shige had shown no more homosexual tendencies than the average Johnny. But Koyama had been supportive and accepting, and as Shige had become more and more involved with this boy from his class, he'd also become even better friends with Koyama.
Everything seemed to have been going so well up until now, and Koyama had no idea why this had happened.
"But why?" He couldn't help but ask, hoping that perhaps he could offer more support and comfort if he knew the full story. Shige swallowed and gave a little sniffle. Then he pointed to his laptop.
"You can read the email he sent me." He said, and Koyama's mouth fell open.
"He broke up with you by email?" He said, feeling a wisp of anger curling in his body. Koyama had never met this boyfriend of Shige's, but his good opinion of him took a sudden nose-dive.
"I don't... I really don't want to talk about it. Just read the email." Shige said, sounding almost as though he was pleading not to have the topic pursued.
Koyama nodded, giving his hand a quick squeeze, and then sat down and began to read the mail on the screen.
"Shige," It started off, "I guess you probably know why I'm writing this mail. I told you in class the other day that I had something to talk about, and I could tell it made you nervous. I guess you were expecting the worst case scenario, and whatever you thought was probably right. I'm sorry I'm doing it like this, but I'm too scared to see your face or hear your voice when I tell you I want to break up, because I don't want to see or hear you cry, and I don't want to have any awkward exchanges after I do it. I don't know, it just feels cleaner this way."
Koyama wanted to hit the reply button, type a furious response calling this guy a coward, telling him to give Shige the closure he deserved in person instead of hiding behind a computer monitor. He forced himself to keep reading.
"I really did want it to work between us, but the thing is it's too hard. With your job, it always feels like we have to be secretive and watchful, and like we need to make sure we don't leave any traces. You don't send me romantic mails or messages, you won't let me take cute photos with you... you don't do anything that anyone could get their hands on to expose this relationship. You always make sure that you leave nothing behind with me that I could possibly give to the media in case we ever had a fight and broke up. I don't know if you know how that makes me feel; that you were constantly preparing for the end of our relationship when we're supposed to be happy and in love. I'm really sorry. I just can't take it."
It was unfair, Koyama wanted to say. Unfair that this guy had given up on Shige. Even though he was well aware that the reason was perfectly acceptable, Koyama still refused to admit it. Refused to admit that anything that hurt his Shige was fair.
"Anyway, I'll delete anything else I have from you and return your stuff to you so you can feel safe. I'm still your friend, and I hope you don't forget that. I really wish you well with your job and your studies, and I hope that the next person you find will be able to love you better and longer than I could. All the best."
Koyama finished up, and just stared blankly at the monitor for a while until he heard another sniffle from behind him. When he turned to look, he found Shige trying to hold back another wave of tears.
"I'm just... am I just not good enough, Koyama?" He asked, desperately trying not to cry again. "Not good enough for a break up in person. Is an email deciding my future all I'm worth?"
Koyama tried to respond, but his voice caught in his throat, and all the words in his mind didn't sound good enough. All he could do was shake his head; all he could come up with was, 'That's not true.'
Shige let out a hoarse sob, and two tears trailed down his cheeks, one faster than the other. They dripped off his chin, running down his neck and soaking into the fabric of his shirt. "It is true." He said, choked up and miserable. "All I'm worth is one lousy email and a whole bunch of deleted text messages. Koyama... it hurts."
Koyama reached out for him again, and Shige complied, wrapping himself in Koyama's protective embrace, shivering and shaking.
"To me, you're worth more than the rest of the world." Koyama whispered, meaning every word. Shige nodded, and sniffed again, but the words and contact seemed to calm him.
"Koyama... the hurting feels like it's never going to stop." He said after a while, and Koyama hushed him with a gentle, comforting tone.
"It'll take a while, but it's definitely going to stop." He said, and in a fit of boldness, pressed a quick kiss to Shige's temple. "It's going to stop." He repeated. "Right now, it may feel like it's never going to end, but one day you'll wake up and find that it's finally over. Okay?"
Shige nodded against Koyama's chest, eyes closed, listening to his heart beating. He wanted to melt into him and forget all about himself.
"I don't know if I'll ever find another person to fall in love with." He sighed, but his eyes felt heavy, and Koyama was so warm. It would be so easy to fall asleep in his arms and not worry about anything else ever again.
"You will." Koyama assured him. They sat down on the edge of Shige's bed together, neither letting go of the other.
"You can't promise me that." Shige replied, but he cuddled closer to Koyama none the less, letting his best friend's warmth and gentle touch keep his problems at bay.
"I can promise." Koyama said, and his voice was soft, but heavy with an emotion that Shige couldn't quite put his finger on.
"But how do you know?" He asked. "When will I find them?"
Koyama chuckled, combing Shige's hair with his fingers, and resting his chin on his head. "When the time comes, silly. Who knows. Maybe you already have. You just don't know it yet."
Once again, Shige didn't respond, but as he sat there in his best friend's arms, still hurting but somehow a little more sure that he'd be alright, he took Koyama's promise, and locked it away in a tiny corner of his heart, where it could safely stay until the day it came true.
Pairing: Koyama/Shige
Prompt: #038 - Replace
Words: ~1,500
Rating: PG
A/N: Written for je_prompts and dedicated to unfenced_fire.
Summary: Koyama consoles a heart-broken Shige.
Shige was crying.
Koyama didn't know why, didn't even have the slightest clue; all he knew was that it broke his heart, and he wanted it to stop. It made no sense to him, because when Shige had invited him over to his apartment on the phone, he'd sounded fine. But here he was now, sitting in front of his laptop, crying harder than Koyama had seen in years.
When he first stepped into the room, calling his name in a hesitant, soft voice, Shige looked up from his computer, eyes red and puffy, and said, "Koyama, please just leave."
Koyama was both taken aback and a little bit scared, because something must be wrong. He didn't listen to Shige's warning, and took a few more steps into the room.
"But Shige, you just asked me to come over and now you're asking me to leave? I don't underst..."
"Just get the fuck out!" Shige shouted, and Koyama was so stunned by his sudden hostility that he almost complied and turned on his heel to go. But Koyama was Shige's best friend, and they'd known each other for years. So he didn't. He walked over to Shige, and wrapped his arms around him from behind, holding on tight.
Shige stayed rigid in the embrace for a few seconds, during which Koyama wondered if he really did want him to leave. But then Shige stumbled out of his chair, and threw himself back into Koyama's arms, hugging him back fiercely and sobbing all over again. Koyama soothed him, stroked his hair, pressed his lips against the top of his head in an almost-kiss. He could smell his shampoo and what might be a hint of cologne, mixing with a scent that was just overwhelmingly Shige.
He held him, firmly but tenderly, until his sobs subsided and Koyama's shirt collar was soaked with tears. It was only then that Koyama asked him what was wrong, with one hand entangled in his hair, resting against the back of his head, and his lips right up close to Shige's ear, as though he was whispering a secret.
Shige breathed in shakily, but didn't start to cry again, which Koyama took as a good sign. Until he heard the answer.
"He broke up with me."
"Oh..." Koyama wished he had something better to say. Something clever and touching that would chase away all of Shige's worries and make him okay. Make him see that anyone who left him and broke his heart wasn't worth it. But nothing came. Just, "Oh". Just one useless syllable that meant nothing. Told Shige nothing.
Shige had met a boy at university some months ago, and the two had quickly fallen in love. Koyama was the first and only person that he'd told about it, and he'd taken it surprisingly well, since it had come as a bit of a shock. After all, all things considered, before this Shige had shown no more homosexual tendencies than the average Johnny. But Koyama had been supportive and accepting, and as Shige had become more and more involved with this boy from his class, he'd also become even better friends with Koyama.
Everything seemed to have been going so well up until now, and Koyama had no idea why this had happened.
"But why?" He couldn't help but ask, hoping that perhaps he could offer more support and comfort if he knew the full story. Shige swallowed and gave a little sniffle. Then he pointed to his laptop.
"You can read the email he sent me." He said, and Koyama's mouth fell open.
"He broke up with you by email?" He said, feeling a wisp of anger curling in his body. Koyama had never met this boyfriend of Shige's, but his good opinion of him took a sudden nose-dive.
"I don't... I really don't want to talk about it. Just read the email." Shige said, sounding almost as though he was pleading not to have the topic pursued.
Koyama nodded, giving his hand a quick squeeze, and then sat down and began to read the mail on the screen.
"Shige," It started off, "I guess you probably know why I'm writing this mail. I told you in class the other day that I had something to talk about, and I could tell it made you nervous. I guess you were expecting the worst case scenario, and whatever you thought was probably right. I'm sorry I'm doing it like this, but I'm too scared to see your face or hear your voice when I tell you I want to break up, because I don't want to see or hear you cry, and I don't want to have any awkward exchanges after I do it. I don't know, it just feels cleaner this way."
Koyama wanted to hit the reply button, type a furious response calling this guy a coward, telling him to give Shige the closure he deserved in person instead of hiding behind a computer monitor. He forced himself to keep reading.
"I really did want it to work between us, but the thing is it's too hard. With your job, it always feels like we have to be secretive and watchful, and like we need to make sure we don't leave any traces. You don't send me romantic mails or messages, you won't let me take cute photos with you... you don't do anything that anyone could get their hands on to expose this relationship. You always make sure that you leave nothing behind with me that I could possibly give to the media in case we ever had a fight and broke up. I don't know if you know how that makes me feel; that you were constantly preparing for the end of our relationship when we're supposed to be happy and in love. I'm really sorry. I just can't take it."
It was unfair, Koyama wanted to say. Unfair that this guy had given up on Shige. Even though he was well aware that the reason was perfectly acceptable, Koyama still refused to admit it. Refused to admit that anything that hurt his Shige was fair.
"Anyway, I'll delete anything else I have from you and return your stuff to you so you can feel safe. I'm still your friend, and I hope you don't forget that. I really wish you well with your job and your studies, and I hope that the next person you find will be able to love you better and longer than I could. All the best."
Koyama finished up, and just stared blankly at the monitor for a while until he heard another sniffle from behind him. When he turned to look, he found Shige trying to hold back another wave of tears.
"I'm just... am I just not good enough, Koyama?" He asked, desperately trying not to cry again. "Not good enough for a break up in person. Is an email deciding my future all I'm worth?"
Koyama tried to respond, but his voice caught in his throat, and all the words in his mind didn't sound good enough. All he could do was shake his head; all he could come up with was, 'That's not true.'
Shige let out a hoarse sob, and two tears trailed down his cheeks, one faster than the other. They dripped off his chin, running down his neck and soaking into the fabric of his shirt. "It is true." He said, choked up and miserable. "All I'm worth is one lousy email and a whole bunch of deleted text messages. Koyama... it hurts."
Koyama reached out for him again, and Shige complied, wrapping himself in Koyama's protective embrace, shivering and shaking.
"To me, you're worth more than the rest of the world." Koyama whispered, meaning every word. Shige nodded, and sniffed again, but the words and contact seemed to calm him.
"Koyama... the hurting feels like it's never going to stop." He said after a while, and Koyama hushed him with a gentle, comforting tone.
"It'll take a while, but it's definitely going to stop." He said, and in a fit of boldness, pressed a quick kiss to Shige's temple. "It's going to stop." He repeated. "Right now, it may feel like it's never going to end, but one day you'll wake up and find that it's finally over. Okay?"
Shige nodded against Koyama's chest, eyes closed, listening to his heart beating. He wanted to melt into him and forget all about himself.
"I don't know if I'll ever find another person to fall in love with." He sighed, but his eyes felt heavy, and Koyama was so warm. It would be so easy to fall asleep in his arms and not worry about anything else ever again.
"You will." Koyama assured him. They sat down on the edge of Shige's bed together, neither letting go of the other.
"You can't promise me that." Shige replied, but he cuddled closer to Koyama none the less, letting his best friend's warmth and gentle touch keep his problems at bay.
"I can promise." Koyama said, and his voice was soft, but heavy with an emotion that Shige couldn't quite put his finger on.
"But how do you know?" He asked. "When will I find them?"
Koyama chuckled, combing Shige's hair with his fingers, and resting his chin on his head. "When the time comes, silly. Who knows. Maybe you already have. You just don't know it yet."
Once again, Shige didn't respond, but as he sat there in his best friend's arms, still hurting but somehow a little more sure that he'd be alright, he took Koyama's promise, and locked it away in a tiny corner of his heart, where it could safely stay until the day it came true.