An oldie but a goodie
Let's Get Philosophical...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE:It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the chickens, 'Thou shalt cross the road.' And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crosses the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, what the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' Rather, it is, 'Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?'
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross the roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road....it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
TOMAS DE TORQUEMADA: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
NIETZSCHE: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
JOHANN FRIEDRICH VON GOETHE: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
CARL JUNG: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN: The possibility of 'crossing' was encoded into the objects 'chicken' and 'road,' and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
DAVID HUME: Out of custom and habit.
EMILY DICKINSON: Because it could not stop for death.
JOSEPH STALIN: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
WERNER HEISENBERG: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
SALVADOR DALI: The Fish.
DOUGLAS ADAMS: Forty-two.
OLIVER NORTH: National Security was at stake. (This could go for Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld as well. ;)
JACK NICHOLSON: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
And one more add on of my own, in honor of tonight's debate...
SARAH PALIN: I don't know why, but I can see the chicken from Alaska!
JOE BIDEN: Because it's as out of touch with the economy as John McCain.
EDIT: The Great Chicken Debate Take 2 by KL (as written in response to Honzeldafitz :D)
GWEN IFILL (Debate Moderator): Here's a question for both candidates: why do *you* think the chicken crossed the road? Governor Palin, it's your turn to answer first.
SARAH PALIN: Because it had run out of lipstick! (smiles at the audience, which is laughing appreciatively at her wit)
JOE BIDEN: (with calm assurance) It's my understanding, Governor Palin, that chickens don't have lips.
SARAH PALIN: (with feisty bravado) Alaska chickens do. They're mavericks!
GWEN IFILL: (after laughter dies down) Senator Biden, we'd like to hear your answer as to why the chicken crossed the road.
JOE BIDEN: Well, it depends. If we're talking about an Alaskan chicken here, Gwen, I'd say it crossed the road because a.) the bridge would've led it to nowhere and b.) it wanted to get away from doing any more interviews.
XD