Fic Upgrade
The revisions I've made to improve the characterization in chapters ten and eleven of The Promise necessitated a revisit to chapter five.
My objectives in fixing this chapter were thus:
1. Deepen/strengthen Miaka's pov through dialogue and narrative characterization
2 Change certain sections of dialogue to maintain consistent pov with chapters 10 and ( Read more... )
Comments 6
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Thank you. *grin* Wanted to go for an understated joke-the kind that I always really enjoy reading in *your* excellent stories. :D
I had more specific feedback for you on the points you mentioned, but I didn't know how it was before.
I appreciate this feedback! :D:D:D But you know, now that you mention it, maybe I should pick a short comparision excerpt from the old version to show how it contrasts with the same section in the new? I like to think that I've made progress in my writing...^___^
I think the conversation flowed nicely and did what you said you wanted it to. I could also picture a lot of the actions very well, particularly Miaka's little actions.This really makes me happy to hear! :D I'm trying to work on ( ... )
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I laughed out loud at the "takeout chicken" bit. Poor Suzaku; surely Seiryuu never had to deal with such insults! :D
The dialogue between Miaka and Keisuke seemed very natural and it flowed well. I especially appreciated Miaka's reaction to hearing Keisuke's tactful criticism of Taka- "I thought you liked him!" I can totally hear the mixture of hurt, bewilderment, and indignation in that one short line. Bravo!
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I'm so happy you liked the 'takeout' line. *grin* Suzaku does tend to get teased. The turtle/snake, tiger and dragon just don't give out approacable 'vibes'... XD Lol
I really enjoyed the interaction between Keisuke and Suzaku, especially how Suzaku honors the relationship and bond between the siblings. "Brother of my priestess" strikes me as a strong and loving phrase.Thank you. *beams* There was no interaction or acknowledgement with Keisuke in the original draft- imho, the lack of it left a big hole in the scene ( ... )
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I like how you've shown the relationship between Keisuke and Miaka here ^___^. It's been ages since I've read the original chapter to this so I can't really remember how it went before, but I like how this goes ^___^. I also like the fact that Suzaku acknowledges Keisuke.
A~and I can't think of anything else to write ^___^. Great to see this on my flist!
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*giggles*
:D:D:D
I like how you've shown the relationship between Keisuke and Miaka here ^___^.
Thank you! ^__^ I wanted this early chapter to feature that bond, especially considering what happens later. ;) Also, I think establishing the fact that Miaka *has* relied on her brother to be there for her adds emphasis to her emerging sense of self. (This actually relates to my own experience right now-one thing I'm learning as the mom of a teenager is how to give guidance while nudging them to learn to fly... ^__^;;;)
I also like the fact that Suzaku acknowledges Keisuke.
Thank you.:D That part was really fun to write- the slightly irreverent skeptic versus the all-knowing being. :D
It's been ages since I've read the original chapter to this so I can't really remember how it went before, but I like how this goes ^___^.*sheepish grin* My bad there, I should have picked a short section from the old draft and the same section from the new and posted them as a comparison to begin with. ^^; I ( ... )
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You're quite welcome ^__^. I try to write at least a little bit of feedback when I can (doesn't always work out. I still need to do that for the last bit of fic you posted. bad Sheena!)
P.S. Your Rome pictures are spiffy!!! :D
Plenty more where those came from. I was there with my Mum for 4 days. That's just day one. Then there's Amsterdam, Prague, Warsaw, different places in Poland, Rotterdam and Amsterdam, Paris coming up at Easter... eesh.. I'm gonna be busy sorting photo's for months!
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