Blurbs/updates....nothing really interesting, just want it in my journal.
I think I've been having a constant anxiety attack for about 3 months now. Partially money stress, partially stressed out husband and then...the other things.
For those that don't know, Smurf quit his practically non-paying job to go back to school to become a nurse. Seems like it wouldn't be too much of a financial strain, but when money was tight with what he was bringing in, imagine not having that and paying tuition on top of that. Fortunately, I get my suppliment and bonus this month. And eventually, we'll be much better off.
Added to the financial, is the fact that I don't see Smurf much anymore. 3 night classes a week and homework out the wazoo contribute to that. I know he's stressed about making good grades and is a little hard on himself sometimes. I wish I could help him more.
Unfortunately, fate is dumping little things on us too. I believe that there is a reason for everything, so I try not to stress too much, but sometimes I can't help it. Car broke down last week on my way to work, funny, I was actually a little relieved when I realized that it happened for a reason. I had a strong sense later that I was going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time otherwise. In-laws paid the repair bill, so we didn't worry about that.
I can't however figure out the reason my daughter got pneumonia and had to go through xrays AGAIN. I swear my daughter has been irradiated 5 times in 8 months. 4 for her lungs and once on her arm a month or so back....yeah, accidentally gave her nursemaid elbow and went to hospital for that. talk about guilt...for a while. She still tries to guilt me with that. "you hurt my arm, Mommy" That doesn't work anymore though. Nothing like a 2 year old trying to guilt you to get her way. It immediately erases that guilty feeling after a few days.
Good news though, Mom found a lump over her collar bone/ breast bone. She lived in fear for a month it was cancer of the thymus gland. Went to 3 or 4 doctors. Finally did an MRI and found out yesterday that it was just scar tissue from her thyroid surgery years ago. She only noticed it recently because she's been making progress in her weight loss. If you've never met my Mom, any weight loss is good. She is obese. She tried for years...maybe it's having 2 energetic granddaughters at the same time. Whatever it is, I hope it continues.
To top everything off, I feel that I'm not even doing the minimal I need to be doing at work. With all the meetings after school and extras, I'm just not getting done what I used to. Add being tired and stressed, and I just look plain lazy. I've got to get it together. But with required art shows and such coming up, I just hope that I don't give them any reason to look closer at me right now. I'm teaching the kids...keeping up with grading, that sort of stuff, butt just can't seem to get into the other things they want me to do. Then the other teachers are requesting that I do stuff and I've got to figure it out...I just don't have the brain right now. I think I'm clearing up right now...just got to keep hold of any catching up I manage to do, instead of sliding again.
Dammit. I thought I would get to spend the day with my hubby, but apparently he has an early class today. Just strolled in gave me food and took off. I would have thought that college has Veteran's day off too.
For those that don't know, Smurf quit his practically non-paying job to go back to school to become a nurse. Seems like it wouldn't be too much of a financial strain, but when money was tight with what he was bringing in, imagine not having that and paying tuition on top of that. Fortunately, I get my suppliment and bonus this month. And eventually, we'll be much better off.
Added to the financial, is the fact that I don't see Smurf much anymore. 3 night classes a week and homework out the wazoo contribute to that. I know he's stressed about making good grades and is a little hard on himself sometimes. I wish I could help him more.
Unfortunately, fate is dumping little things on us too. I believe that there is a reason for everything, so I try not to stress too much, but sometimes I can't help it. Car broke down last week on my way to work, funny, I was actually a little relieved when I realized that it happened for a reason. I had a strong sense later that I was going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time otherwise. In-laws paid the repair bill, so we didn't worry about that.
I can't however figure out the reason my daughter got pneumonia and had to go through xrays AGAIN. I swear my daughter has been irradiated 5 times in 8 months. 4 for her lungs and once on her arm a month or so back....yeah, accidentally gave her nursemaid elbow and went to hospital for that. talk about guilt...for a while. She still tries to guilt me with that. "you hurt my arm, Mommy" That doesn't work anymore though. Nothing like a 2 year old trying to guilt you to get her way. It immediately erases that guilty feeling after a few days.
Good news though, Mom found a lump over her collar bone/ breast bone. She lived in fear for a month it was cancer of the thymus gland. Went to 3 or 4 doctors. Finally did an MRI and found out yesterday that it was just scar tissue from her thyroid surgery years ago. She only noticed it recently because she's been making progress in her weight loss. If you've never met my Mom, any weight loss is good. She is obese. She tried for years...maybe it's having 2 energetic granddaughters at the same time. Whatever it is, I hope it continues.
To top everything off, I feel that I'm not even doing the minimal I need to be doing at work. With all the meetings after school and extras, I'm just not getting done what I used to. Add being tired and stressed, and I just look plain lazy. I've got to get it together. But with required art shows and such coming up, I just hope that I don't give them any reason to look closer at me right now. I'm teaching the kids...keeping up with grading, that sort of stuff, butt just can't seem to get into the other things they want me to do. Then the other teachers are requesting that I do stuff and I've got to figure it out...I just don't have the brain right now. I think I'm clearing up right now...just got to keep hold of any catching up I manage to do, instead of sliding again.
Dammit. I thought I would get to spend the day with my hubby, but apparently he has an early class today. Just strolled in gave me food and took off. I would have thought that college has Veteran's day off too.