Once is chance, twice is coincidence
Once is chance, twice is coincidence - for kimkai @ maknaerulez (originally posted here on lj)
Kai/Sehun
G | 7,326 w.
Hypothetically, if Sehun wanted to, he could take action. But he never finds a reason to until he meets a hopelessly in love Kim Jongin.
A blonde-haired boy is standing at the entryway of his house, putting on his shoes when he looks up to the sky. It’s a bright shade of blue, and the sun is slowly rising up from behind neighboring houses.
He inhales deeply, pulling on his bag as he steps out. As he makes his way to the bus stop, he politely greets the elders that call out to him and when he turns the corner, he is pushed into the main street where the commotion of cars, motorcycles and chattering is at full blast due to the morning rush.
Yet this is Oh Sehun’s favorite time of day, when the early fog and dew fades into the background. If he could, he would stay at train stations and bus stops all day, watching as people make their way to their final destinations.
The bus arrives and Sehun steps on, easily finding a seat in the back.
His commute is mindless; no one bugs him since many people are in their own little bubbles, allowing him to get lost in his own thoughts. He scrolls through his phone to find today’s song, a tradition he has kept up since middle school.
He finally settles on a song when someone bumps into his arm and his earbuds are pulled out of his ears. Sehun heaves out a sigh at the interruption of his dropped phone, but before he can bend down to pick it up, someone is handing it to him.
Sehun looks up to see a tall boy with silver hair politely smiling at him. He has a very distinct face, one that looks like he came directly out of a manga or anime. He may be handsome, but Sehun isn’t impressed.
"Sorry." The stranger says in an unexpectedly pleasant voice, breaking Sehun’s train of thought.
He offers a quick smile, looking down to the stranger’s vest to see that they go to the same school. He looks up again and the stranger is eyeing him strangely.
"It’s okay." Sehun curtly replies and averts his gaze. Sehun has never seen the boy before, but he could be part of a different year. It’s not like Sehun knows the entire student body. Sehun watches the stranger sit down before scrolling through his phone again.
Either way, he doesn’t put too much thought into it, hoping that they’ll never run into each other at school. There’s really no point.
-------
Sehun is in his seat ten minutes before the morning bell. What he likes about arriving at this time is that it’s early enough so he won’t have to panic about being late to class and there isn’t enough time for other students to strike up meaningless conversations with him. As he looks around the class, his classmates are animatedly chatting amongst each other, and Sehun wonders why they need to spend hours and hours talking about nothing.
He always preferred minimal contact with others, especially since he finds himself unable to hold conversations with most people before someone gets pissed off.
So instead of dealing with that trouble, he opts to look out the window, where there’s just the right amount of distance for Sehun to feel like he’s still connected to the world without being too involved.
The view isn’t much, consisting of the open sky, tall trees and students with early P.E. doing their morning stretches. Time moves slower, and it’s a nice transition into class coming from home.
A slip of paper is placed on his desk and he looks up to see Luhan, an older schoolmate he befriended over time. He can’t even remember the first time Luhan approached him, pushing himself into Sehun’s relatively quiet life, but Sehun supposes he’s grateful for it. Luhan gives him opportunities to watch other people without having to interact with others. After all, Luhan has enough energy to socialize for both of them. If necessary, he can probably bring life to an entire auditorium full of students.
"Sehun, you and me. Tonight at 9." Luhan says as he points to the paper.
Astronomy club’s introductory meeting! 10 pm in Room 3-2.
Sehun still has flyers from the culinary, cycling, music and film clubs respectively from their club hopping throughout this entire week of recruiting. It’s Luhan’s favorite time of year because it gives him the opportunity to befriend others without making any real commitments to anything. He easily rotates through different groups before moving onto others, pruning out those he doesn’t want to talk to.
“A night under the stars. So romantic.” Sehun deadpans, and Luhan’s eyes widen in excitement.
"Isn’t it?" Luhan says, clasping Sehun’s hands together; the latter is unfazed.
"When were you interested in charting the sky?"
Luhan leans in close and wiggles his eyebrows. “You of all people should know by now that I’m a man of many interests.”
Sehun shoves Luhan away. “Come on, who’s in it?”
Luhan straightens his jacket and clears his throat. “If you must know…Yixing.”
"I didn’t realize you were into his dimples."
Luhan immediately rebuffs, “I’m not! It’s just he knows Tao who knows Kyungsoo who knows Joonmyun who knows Baekhyun who knows Chanyeol who knows Minseok.”
"Don’t you know all of them too, though?"
"Yeah, but they don’t all know Minseok."
"Okay." Sehun simply says, not understanding Luhan's roundabout logic. "Whatever you say."
"Does this mean you’re in?" The only thing that matters to Luhan, Sehun finds, is that he has a wingman along with him.
"Yeah, yeah." Sehun takes the paper and folds it into fours. Luhan cheers and pats Sehun’s head.
"See you after class, then!" Luhan waves and leaves to go back to his classroom on the upper floor.
Luhan is one of those people who is super friendly and accommodating with most people and Sehun doesn’t really understand why he and others feel obligated to change themselves depending on the company. But that's probably why his circle of "friends" really only consists of Luhan's primary group, all who are conveniently in the Astronomy club.
"Oh Sehun." The homeroom teacher calls out in an authoritative voice and Sehun raises his hand. The teacher continues to drone on, and Sehun finds himself thinking about astronomy. From all of the choices, astronomy sounds the most interesting to him, and although he made fun of Luhan earlier about charting the skies, Sehun wouldn't mind doing that for his job.
------------
There’s only a small group of people when Sehun enters the classroom listed on the paper and he steps out to double check that he got the right place.
Sehun looks at the room number. Yup, 3-2.
He looks around while still standing in the entryway. There are many faces he recognizes, but can’t place names to. He’s seen them around the hallways, scrambling through their lockers and getting their books for class.
"Hello, are you here for the Astronomy club?" A tall lanky boy pops up in front of him, leaning forward.
Sehun takes a step back and nods.
"Good, good, sit down anywhere you’d like. We’re going to have introductions and then move up to the roof. I’m Chanyeol, by the way." He extends a hand out and Sehun shakes it awkwardly as Chanyeol had talked really quickly.
"I’m Sehun. My friend Luhan insisted I came." Sehun says, curving his lower lip up.
Chanyeol nodded in understanding. “Well, there’s no real obligations when it comes to club activities, but we’ll get into tha-”
Chanyeol stops midsentence and tilts his head to the side to see behind him. Sehun turns around to see an older schoolmate he recognizes from the track team known as Tao.
"Hey, I just ran into this guy in the hallway downstairs and convinced him to join the club."
What. The. Fuck. is the only thought Sehun can form in his head as his throat goes dry at the sight of the silver-haired boy from this morning.
The newcomer briefly waves, scanning around the room quickly with a small smile on his face; like he doesn’t know that he’s being coerced into joining the club. He doesn’t look at Sehun and the latter hesitates on reacting, wondering if he should be offended or not.
"This is Jongin, he’s a first year transfer in the science track. Sehun, you probably have him in some of your classes, right?"
Sehun blinks blankly. Their school divides the student body into two different categories: science and arts. It’s one thing for the guy to be attending his school in general. It’s not entirely out of the question that they would be in the same track. Although it's insane that they’re in the same year of the same track of the same school with a similar class schedule, it's the fact that they're both here at the astronomy club meeting that really steals the cake.
Interrupting Sehun’s thoughts, Jongin says, “Yeah, he’s the one who looked out the window the entire day.”
"Uh…yeah." Sehun responds dumbly, irked that Jongin is here.
He can’t even express his frustrations, but Luhan comes up to Sehun’s side and place an arm around his shoulder.
"Hi Jongin. I’m Luhan, nice to meet you! We’ll take care of you well. Okay, Sehun, come on. I found us seats over here." Luhan drags him over to the seats closest to Minseok and Sehun takes a few deep breaths to calm down from seething over Kim Jongin’s existence.
Introductions with the rest of the group go by quickly and Sehun is grateful because both Minseok and Chanyeol have been hyping up the rooftop for the past hour.
Chanyeol turns to look back at the club members as he leads them up the stairs next to the restrooms.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you go up here. It’s one of the best spots in town to look at the stars. Minseok hyung and I discovered it last year.” Chanyeol grins proudly and Sehun could feel Luhan’s burning glare and is almost impressed that the second year doesn’t notice anything.
He’s not sure what to expect, or why his heart is beating a little faster, but when Chanyeol opens the door and the burst of air hits against his face, Sehun closes his eyes, mentally preparing himself for what kind of sight would be before him.
He hears the excited gasps and cheers of the rest of the club and when he finally opens his eyes to see thousands and thousands of twinkling stars in the open sky, where city lights are completely hidden in the distance, Sehun lets out an impressed chuckle.
Wow.
All the anger and frustration that he felt before completely seeps away from him, and when he looks around, he briefly makes eye contact with Jongin before Luhan calls him over.
-------------
Luhan slides into the seat across from him the next morning and Sehun waits for his friend to squeal about his latest endeavors with Minseok-hyung.
"We struck gold with this club." Luhan’s eyes twinkle and Sehun silently nods. The Astronomy club is perfect for him because the main focus is acknowledging the outdoors and nature. He's never been good with people, so a club without the pressure of conversation appeals to him.
"And you made a friend that’s your age." Luhan’s smile grows bigger as the corner of his eyes crinkle.
Sehun snorts. “Jongin as a friend? Please.”
Luhan lets out a small laugh. “Come on, he’s not a bad guy.”
"He takes up too much space when his groupies are around. I’ll ignore him. It’ll be fine."
Luhan rolls his eyes. “Good luck wih that.”
-------------
Luhan was right.
Sehun almost lets out a bitter laugh when he sees Jongin wearing a library helper vest. The piece of clothing looks ridiculous on him, and makes Jongin a hypocrite when loud squeals and whispers are bombarding his thoughts.
No matter where Sehun goes in the library, Jongin’s presence is easy to notice as more people begin to occupy the room, trying to catch the transfer student’s attention.
He doesn’t understand what Jongin had that other people didn’t, but all he knows is that he is officially irked; especially when he’s trying to read up on the stars that Minseok mentioned at the last meeting. He can still hear them when he puts “Cloudy Seoul” on full blast and as he’s giving Jongin’s group a death glare, he wonders why no one else in the library is bothered by the excess noise.
After a girl lets out a nasally laugh that pierces through his earbuds, Sehun calls it quits, standing up and walking toward Jongin with great conviction.
The group looks at him with disdain and Sehun doesn’t even bother looking at them, intensifying his glare at Jongin.
"Can your please escort your posse out of the library? A lot of people are trying to study."
"Oh, sorry." Jongin immediately replies, straightening his position in his seat. "I didn’t realize they were bugging anyone."
Jongin looks at Sehun with a curious expression and Sehun is annoyed once again at how difficult it is to read Jongin's emotions. He can't tell is Jongin is mad or apologetic.
"Hey Sehun, could you show me around the school?"
"Excuse me?" Sehun asks incredulously.
"I haven’t had the chance to explore everywhere yet and I figured you should know all the good spots since you’re always observing things." Jongin replies easily.
"I don’t have time, sorry." Sehun says without looking back, returning to his desk to pack up.
Sehun hates that Jongin acts the same with everyone and speaks with that stupid superficial tone.
---------------
It’s a week later when somehow, a daily routine begins.
A bag is placed onto his desk at 3-2 and Sehun looks up to see Jongin smiling at him. When Sehun throws him questioning look, Jongin only shrugs.
"Luhan told me you liked milk tea."
Sehun stares at the white chocolate milk tea, cursing Luhan under his breath. He could hear him now (“Don’t worry Sehun, you guys will get along just fine.”)
He lets out a small groan, pushing the cup away.
Jongin takes a slurp out of his own cup and places a few books on the table. “I saw these books about Mercury the other day after you left. I remember Minseok hyung talking about it, so I checked them out for you if you wanted to know more.”
Sehun grunts in acknowledgement and he’s grateful that it’s just the two of them because Luhan would surely have killed him by now.
Jongin moves to his seat after a while and Sehun eyes the milk tea and books before him.
There’s no way he’s going to take it.
Three hours later, two empty cups are in the trash. The four books on Mercury are placed carefully in Sehun’s bag and his reasoning is that he didn’t want to waste food.
"Ready to go up?" Jongin asks, looking at the clock.
Sehun had such a good session of reading that can’t bring himself to feel any anger. He nods; silently packing up and the two make their way through the halls.
"What are you listening to today?" Jongin peeks back over his shoulder and Sehun raises an eyebrow.
"10cm," is all he says and Jongin nods slowly.
"You do seem like the type."
"What does that even mean?" Sehun raises an eyebrow and Jongin tilts his head to the side.
"On the bus that first day. You were listening to some K-indie tune, I recognized the cover."
Sehun huffs. What does Jongin know anyway?
-------------
Somehow, over time, Sehun and Jongin come to have a silent agreement to meet at the second floor staircase after Jongin’s library shift.
Jongin continues to bring Sehun a random assortment of treats that make him wonder how Jongin even has the time to go buy them.
Dried fish one day, mango milk the day after that. Potato chips, galbi, mandu, ice cream. The list goes on.
"Reminded me of you," is all Jongin says as he drops a bag of today’s treats-ice cream waffles.
When they climb up the stairs, the rest of the club is already up there, and Sehun scrambles to help to set up.
He doesn’t let the butterflies in his stomach flutter for too long.
It’s when the clock strikes 10 when Sehun notices Jongin isn’t looking through his telescope. Sehun usually focuses his gaze on Luhan and this is the first time he has ever taken a glance at Jongin. It's not like Jongin's new; he's been here long enough that he shouldn’t even be called a transfer student anymore. Yet, Sehun realizes that he can’t remember a moment when Jongin has expressed interest in something first. It's always someone else who starts the conversation, Jongin just following along.
So the fact that he is staring so intently at the movie club makes Sehun more curious than he should be. Sehun clears his throat and nudges Jongin with his shoulder.
“So… who are you looking at in the movie club?”
Jongin freezes, and Sehun almost snorts.
If there’s anything that Sehun dislikes the most, it’s passive aggressiveness.
"Who says I was looking at anything?" Jongin’s voice is defensive as he was obviously caught offguard.
Sehun rolls his eyes and heaves a sigh. This is almost too easy.
“You’re not very casual about it.”
"About what?"
"Your stare is really intense. Did no one ever tell you?"
Jongin breaks out into a smile and a throaty laugh escapes his lips. Sehun scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.
"What’s so funny?" Sehun asks defensively.
"Nothing, nothing." Jongin shakes his head and waves his hand at the same time. "You’re just saying things I wasn’t expecting."
Sehun is about to ask for Jongin to clarify when Chanyeol jumps from his seat.
"Look, look! It’s Mars!"
Jongin is already grabbing at his telescope, closing one eye and clenching his jaw to see what he’s talking about.
Minseok pats Chanyeol in the back, praising him for his observation and as Sehun scans around the area, he sees Luhan cursing to himself while desperately moving his telescope (to find another star so Minseok can praise him, no doubt.)
Sehun lies on his back, blowing his hair back so he can just get lost in the sight of the stars, feeling a sense of transcendence as he forgets where his surroundings are.
"Kim Jongdae." Jongin says when it’s just the two of them packing up.
"Really?" Sehun asks, genuinely surprised. Sehun has only spoken to Jongdae once when Baekhyun and Joonmyun introduced him as their newest roommate. From what he remembered Jongdae was nice and funny, but he can’t really remember anything else about him. But that’s probably because he wasn’t really paying as much attention to him.
He didn’t know who or what he was expecting Jongin to look at, but he suddenly feels deflated.
(The heavy and unexpected question of Why not me? rests at the tip of his tongue and Sehun bites the inside of his cheeks as he shakes the thought away. There was no reason for Jongin to like him anyway.)
-------------
The times when Sehun toys with the idea of being in a relationship are rare, so maybe that's why Sehun has so many questions to ask Jongin. Or perhaps it's because Jongin is one of the most interesting people he's ever met before.
And it's when he's chewing on his fifth piece of honey toast that he brings up the idea that Jongin should confess.
"Just because I like him doesn’t mean I want to get together with him.” Jongin says, looking at Sehun incredulously.
"What?" Sehun almost chokes. "So do you just like to look at pretty faces then?"
"I get enough satisfaction just looking at him go about his life for a couple hours, watching foreign movies while I’m up here basking in the moonlight."
"That’s not stalker material at all." Sehun retorts sarcastically, drawing in a leg and resting his chin on top of his knee after swallowing the last bites of toast. "Besides, if all you’re going to do is stare at Jongdae, why didn’t you just join the movie club?"
"Don’t you think that it’s more fun when there aren’t really any expectations or promises, and you just get to watch who you like without a care?"
"That’s completely one-sided. Nothing happens, and he’ll never know because you’re too busy just watching him from the top of another building. What if he gets with someone else? How does that benefit either of you?"
Jongin slightly laughs. “Oh Sehun, you go by life very seriously, don’t you? Besides, you do the same thing. "
Jongin has a joking tone to his voice, but there’s something else too and Sehun can’t place it. But before he can figure it out, Jongin continues, ignoring Sehun’s questions. “It’s the fantasy that makes it fun. You can make guesses as to what their lives are like and you spend time trying to deduce someone. Because as soon as you get to know everything about a person, what’s really left to do?”
Sehun furrows his eyebrows. He doesn't understand how Jongin can have so many friends when he goes about life so passively. Why have superficial frienships when he could build stronger bonds instead? But Sehun decides to save his breath because it would be wasted.
"Oh yeah, I part-time at Minggu & Nini. Why don’t you come over sometime and I can show you my dogs? The milk tea there is really good too." Jongin says.
Sehun eyes Jongin waringly but asks for the address anyway. Jongin slips him a paper with said address… and a cell phone number.
"In case you get lost or something."
-------------
As he spends more time on the rooftop, Sehun finds himself buying more books to fill up his empty bookshelves, and more maps and charts of the night sky to pin onto his bleak walls. But as he fills up his room, he finds more and more things to buy.
So he applies to work at a grocery store and is surprised when he gets a call back to train next day. It’s a long day of old grandmas and busy moms, but the shift goes smoothly and Sehun is excited to be making money for himself now.
He lets out the breath he was holding, pulling out the business card and eyeing the business card. He reads it again.
Sehun looks behind him to see the store's address and then looks in front of him.
Of fucking course, with his luck. He doesn’t know what to think with the coincidences keep matching up, so wipes his hands against his pants and crosses the street.
Minggu & Nini is a quaint cafe with a small menu. Sehun has never really felt the urge of wanting to keep a furry pet. He treats dogs and cats like babies; standing as far as physically possible from them.
Jongin greets him with a lazy wave and Sehun waves back, wondering when it became easy for them to greet each other in such a casual manner. He doesn't remember when he began to look forward to their usual and brief hangouts, and never expected for them to become anything close to friends, but here they are.
"Welcome, welcome." Jongin says, bowing dramatically. "This is Minggu & Nini, my second humble abode."
"It's cute." Sehun says , looking around at the different trinkets placed around the entire café. Everything is wooden, and all the furniture and kitchenware are dog-themed.
Jongin chuckles and leads Sehun to a table in the corner.
"I'll be right back. My break's coming up soon so I'll treat you to our best desserts."
Sehun's stomach growls and Jongin laughs, walking away.
It's none of his business, but Jongin's situation with Jongdae seems to always be on the back of his mind. Maybe it's because the more he brings up Jongdae, the more he can listen to Jongin talk.
"There’s a different satisfaction when you see someone be happy because of you, and when they find happiness without your interference." Jongin says out of the blue, and Sehun wonders what made him feel compelled to say that.
"At least, that's the feeling I get when I interact with customers here." Jongin shrugs, looking to the crowd and Sehun
Sehun finds himself looking at Jongin’s lips. He quickly averts his gaze when he realizes what he’s doing and looks up to see Jongin looking at him with a raised brow.
"You have something stuck between your teeth." Sehun huffs, and Jongin laughs before running his tongue over his lips and Sehun gulps, pretending that he didn’t see anything.
They spend the rest of Jongin’s break bickering about differing philosophies yet when Sehun leaves, he feels that they've made progress since they first met.
-----
But it’s later that day when he’s eating dinner with Luhan that he makes a revelation. Sehun is in the middle of gulping down his broth when a hand smacks the back of his head.
"You idiot." Luhan chides and Sehun slacks his jaw open, confused as to where this is coming from.
"I only have two questions for you. Are you ready?" Luhan looks at him expectantly and Sehun just nods.
Luhan rolls his eyes and steals a fishball from his bowl. “First off, why do you keep bringing up Jongdae to Jongin?”
Sehun puts down his fork and readjusts himself in his seat. “I thought it was what he wanted, and that they should have a chance to try it out. I didn’t want Jongin to have any doubts about it, stuck thinking about the what-ifs in life.”
"Jongin or you?"
"Huh?"
"You didn’t want Jonginnie to think about their possibilities in the future, or you?" Luhan clarifies, leaning forward, and Sehun groans because he doesn’t have any answers.
"Me? Maybe? Is that what you wanted to hear?" Sehun emphasizes the question in an annoyed tone. "I don’t even know why I feel this way. I know almost nothing about Jongin except that he works at a dog cafe and that he liked Jongdae."
"Okay." Luhan simply says, gulping down the rest of his water and Sehun exhales deeply.
"Second question." Luhan plops his glass on the counter. "What are you going to do about it?"
"What?" Sehun is tired of people asking him questions in a roundabout way and just wants things to be clear and simple.
"You said you don’t know anything about Jongin. Don’t you want to know more about him?"
Sehun thinks back to what Jongin had said about the satisfying feeling of watching people find happiness.
"I do." Sehun says confidently.
-----
Except he never gets the chance to.
For the next month, Jongin immediately leaves after class. It's before Sehun has the chance to even look at him to say bye and Sehun doesn't know what happened between them.
He thought that things were going well, and he wants to ask, but Jongin doesn’t have an obligation to him. There was never a clear and mutual agreement that they made about saying hello or goodbye to one another outside of the club. It just felt nice when Jongin would.
When Sehun does see Jongin again for the first time for longer than five seconds, it’s the sight of his nape. And he lashes out his frustration because, of course, Jongin is back to staring at the movie club and Sehun is so tired of it all.
"How long are you going to be doing this for?" Sehun bites the inside of his cheeks, trying to hold himself back from cursing. This can mean so many different things-looking at Jongdae, avoiding Sehun, keeping his feelings hidden from the world.
They see each other everyday four times a week, but time flies by too quickly and it’s nearly not enough. And when they don’t talk to each other for so long without a clear reason, Sehun feels anxious and annoyed.
Jongin is looking at him with an unreadable expression and Sehun doesn’t know what to say or do. He's already asked and it’s not like he can take it back, but it’s clear that Jongin doesn’t want to say anything about it.
"Forget I asked." Sehun mutters as he picks up his messenger bag from the ground, making his way out of he classroom. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything out loud because now there will be more problems and unnecessary drama that Sehun doesn’t want to deal with.
He doesn't look back, not wanting to look at Jongin's expression, but he accidentally bumps into another student. Sehun mutters an apology, pausing to bend down to pick up the person's dropped belongings. It’s almost been a month since he last went to Astronomy club, and it's the first time in forever since he's spoken to Jongin. All thanks to a misunderstanding.
"It's okay." The voice sounds familiar and when Sehun looks up, he sees Jongdae smiling at him. "You're Sehun, right?"
Sehun nods, handing Jongdae his books.
"Long time no see, how’s the Astronomy club treating you?"
Sehun doesn’t want to deal with the smalltalk. Not today, and definitely not with Kim Jongdae.
"Is something troubling you? Should I go get Luhan-hyung?" Jongdae raises an eyebrow at him and Sehun almost trips over his words when he finally speaks up.
“Jongin really likes you. Please take his feelings into his consideration and talk to him since he’s afraid.”
There's an awkward silence that lingers in the air and Sehun almost wishes he could take back the words, but at the same time he feels so much lighter after saying it out loud because it could be what Jongin is feeling with Jongdae, but it definitely is what Sehun is feeling toward Jongin. And it's the first time he's ever said it out loud.
His throat feels really dry, and no matter how much he gulps, the feeling doesn't disappear. His palms feel a bit sweatier, his body warmer.
He likes Jongin; he likes Jongin a lot and yet he's telling Jongdae to pursue a relationship with him.
Brilliant Oh Sehun.
"Did he tell you that?" Jongdae says, interrupting his thoughts.
And that was not the reaction Sehun was expecting.
"What?" Sehun asks, confused.
"Did Jongin tell you specifically that he liked me?" Jongdae repeats himself and Sehun squints at the older student.
"Pretty much?" Where is Jongdae going with this?
"Sehun, you're a really good friend, but I suggest you guys have another talk." Jongdae grins and Sehun fights the urge to yell back because Jongdae isn't even taking him seriously. The older schoolmate pats a hand on his shoulder before walking away and Sehun leaves his mouth hanging.
He’s not sure when he stopped looking at the sky and toward Jongin’s nape as the transfer student rests his head against his arm to look at the movie club. As he continues to walk through the halls, he realizes that the club is using a science room tonight.
Tonight, the room in the distance is slightly illuminated, with flashes of movement from the characters on the screen. Sehun enjoys movies, but he can never make himself watch older films and watching it in a foreign language gives him a headache.
He hates himself for thinking it, but Sehun wonders if Jongin would like him more if he also liked watching foreign movies, throwing out his opinions about directors like Truffaut, Fellini and Eisenstein.
--
Sehun decides that maybe it's best if he just removes himself from the equation. Jongin is supposed to be with Jongdae to live out a Kim Jong destiny. (Yes, he did just come up with that right now.)
The past semester has given him so many headaches that he wishes for summer to arrive and wash it all away. So in the meantime, all he can do is drown himself into his work.
"I’m going to be quitting from the club for a while as I save up for money." Sehun tells Minseok when he visits Luhan in 3-2 and the third year smiles at him proudly.
"Luhan told me that you wanted to buy a telescope."
Sehun nods and Minseok makes an approving sound. “It shouldn’t be too hard, and we’ll miss you around here, so don’t stray for too long.”
Sehun smiles and promises to return.
At first it’s hard to get used to, especially since he had grown accustomed to Jongin's pace, but it soon becomes second nature to go about his routine of sleep, school, work. He doesn't even notice when the leaves change color and the early signs of summer arrived.
The only indications that he gets are within the supermarket, when the seasonal fruits come and go, when he has to decorate the store with different holiday-related themes. There are also other small changes that he only notices after a while-his hands become calloused from moving boxes, his back has a permanent knot that he can't seem to get rid of, and sweat has become a second layer of skin.
But still, Minseok was right; it doesn’t take long.
When he comes home one day to see a package in the living room, his face lights up incredibly.
He drops his bag at the entrance of the door as he kicks off his shoes. He hops over the wooden ledge separating the room from the outside and plops down onto the sofa.
Sehun lets out a giddy laugh; two months of hard work have finally paid off.
He takes out his phone to share the news to Luhan and the rest of the club and invites everyone over for a stargazing party. Scrolling through his phone, he pauses when he reaches Jongin’s phone number.
Sehun hasn’t actually found a need to call or text, since they never had a reason to spend more time talking when they saw each other everyday anyway. At least, that’s how it was a couple months ago.
He never ended up asking neither Jongin nor Jongdae the results of his actions. He finally decides to make the call and as the line rings, Sehun briefly considers hanging up. However, he hesitates for too long and Jongin picks up on the other end.
Silence greets him and Sehun has to check again if Jongin really answered the phone or not. When he sees the duration of the call is at 10 seconds and counting, Sehun clears his throat.
"H-hey…uh." Sehun deeply inhales. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to my house tomorrow? My telescope came in today and I wanted to show it to everyone."
Sehun hears an intake of breath and braces himself for Jongin’s response.
"Sure, what time?" Jongin’s voice is curt and distant, and Sehun’s too distracted by how weird Jongin’s voice sounds over the waves, but he clears his throat to respond.
"People are going to come over at 9 or so. You’re more than welcome to come later if you can’t make it at that time."
"No, no. Nine’s fine." Jongin says and Sehun can’t read his tone. He knows for sure that he hadsn’t done anything.
"Okay, I’ll see you then?"
"Alright. Bye." Jongin ends the call and Sehun is left with the beeping of the dial tone.
He tries to tell himself that Jongin didn't sound really handsome over the phone.
------
The doorbell rings at 8 and Sehun wonders who within the group would come early. He looks through the peephole and immediately stands up straight. He looks again to make sure that he isn't hallucinating Kim Jongin standing there. It's been so long that the two had been in the same vicinity of one another that Sehun opens the door with ease
"Hey, welcome to my humble abode." Sehun says, trying to get Jongn to laugh, but th slightly older boy simply quirks his lip up without changing his expression and Sehun feels dumb so he leads Jongin into the living room.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Sehun asks, awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room. It's the first time he's allowed anyone to be in the house and he doesn't want to be alone with Jongin since they never identified nor resolved what happened before.
"Why’d you do it?" Jongin immediately asks with an unreadable expression as soon as he enters the room. Sehun wishes that Jongin could have at least softened the blow a tad bit. But this is what Sehun has wanted from Jongin since the beginning--raw emotion without filters or watered down thoughts.
So Sehun gives him complete honesty as well. "You’ve been friends with him for so long, and the idea of getting together is really scary. I get that, but you need to stop waiting and watching from afar. You could be spending time with him right now and be happy together, which is what I want for you guys. I believe that all you needed was an extra push."
Jongin curves his lower lip up, but his eyes are still serious and unfazed. “Oh Sehun, always so serious.”
Sehun frowns, slightly disappointed that Jongin simply teases him rather than give him a proper response.
But Jongin continues. "I don't know why you think that Jongdae and I are soulmates or whatever, but you have to stop. You have to realize that
"Is this why you ignored me for a month?"
"…I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore." Jongin slowly says and Sehun gapes at him.
The sounds of Tao and Luhan's laughter become louder and Sehun is distracted by their horrible timing as he looks to see Minseok and the entourage of the Astronomy club behind him.
" Meet me on the roof tomorrow." Jongin suddenly says as he stands up. Sehun tries to catch Jongin’s gaze, but the latter is looking down, packing up all his things.
"You're leaving? You haven't even seen the telescope." They haven't even properly talked yet.
Jongin shakes his head as he slips his cardigan on. “Later.”
Sehun stares at Jongin’s retreating figure with confusion and the othes protest when Jongin walks out of the house. But when they come in, Minseok immediately congratulates Sehun, andChanyeol and Tao bicker over the opportunity to test the telescope's specs.
But as much as he loves his new telescope, he can't get Jongin out of his mind. Even after hours of stargazing, even as the others say their goodbyes and part ways, Sehun is thinking about what Jongin could possibly want to talk about tomorrow. He wonders what he can do to mend their relaionship.
Luhan turns back a final time with a worried expression, but Sehun waves him away.
Jongin is his own problem to deal with.
-----
After class the next day, Sehun climbs up the usual flight of stairs to the club’s designated meeting spot at the roof of the science department building.
Instead of the ugly green door that separates him from the best view at school, a figure is sitting at the top of the stairs, legs casually sprawled out.
The speech he had planned out the previous night quickly fades from his mind and when he walks closer, he realizes that Jongin is sitting there. Sehun’s heart is beating fast, but before he can say anything, the boy stands up and walks down to meet him.
"You’re here early." Jongin wipes his hands on his pants and throws an easy smile at Sehun.
"Not really." Sehun casually shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets. He was expecting an angry Jongin again, and he hates how unpredictable Jongin could be.
Even though there's no point anymore, even though he's not entirely sure why he decided to show up, being in the same space as Jongin makes him happy.
(And he wonders if this is what Jongin meant when he said he was satisfied with simply seeing happiness glint in the eyes of someone he cared about.)
But he had to ask the question that had been bugging him for the past four months.
"Before you say anything, why did you ignore me for the entire month of April?"
Jongin raises an eyebrow.
"I had to pick up more shifts at the café. Buying you food everyday takes a toll on my wallet, you know."
And Sehun's heart feels lighter, but at the same time he feels so conflicted.
"Why…why didn't you just tell me?" Sehun asks in an exasperated voice and Jongin looks at him with a confused look.
"That was when we had first become a bit closer, Sehun. I didn't think I had to tell you, but if you were really bugged by it, why didn't you come to me instead of waiting?"
And Jongin has a point, except for the fact that so much time was wasted because of miscommunications and misunderstandings, and Sehun realizes that everything he tried to prevent between Jongin and Jongdae happened between the two of them instead.
Oh, right. The Kim Jong destiny.
Sehun takes a couple of breaths.
"I'm sorry."
He clear his throat.
"I'm sorry for telling Jongdae, for rushing you into dealing with that. I wish I could take it back, but I was so angry then. I just wanted something to work out between the two of you, and afterward I just drowned myself in my work because I didn't want to deal with my own emotions. "
Sehun finishes and looks down, waiting for Jongin to thank him for pushing them together or to tell him how happy he is now with Jongdae. Or maybe he's bracing for the impact of Jongin telling him that he felt grateful that he could rely on Sehun in that capacity. At the same time, he waits for Jongin to turn off the pleasantries and yell at him for ruining everything; he waits for Jongin to tell him that they can never be friends again.
But Jongin laughs and Sehun is thrown off guard again.
"Oh come on, you have to know by now?" Jongin asks jokingly, shaking his head and Sehun only blinks back. "How are you so observant yet…slow?
Jongin lets out a breath of air and puts his hands in his pockets.
"As you know, Jongdae’s someone I really care for."
Sehun doesn’t respond, waiting for Jongin to continue.
"I met Jongdae when I was five, and over the years, he helped me become who I am today. For a long time, I thought I loved him and I was okay with just the thought of being in love. But then I met you."
Jongin says, smiling at him.
"Oh Sehun, always living life with a chip on his shoulder, yet who always had the time and money to waste on milk tea, horrible action flicks, the same black and white t-shirts-"
"What is this, The Sound of Music?" Sehun retorts, interrupting Jongin while he lists off of Sehun’s favorite things.
His chest feels so tight that he tries his best to not let out a giddy laugh at how awkward Jongin is. However, when he turns to look at the older boy, the night sky behind him shines brighter than usual, and it's one of the prettiest sights Sehun has ever seen.
Jongin’s smile widens into a grin, and he starts to hum a familiar tune, leaning in close, grabbing for Sehun's hands.
Sehun rolls his eyes before laughing as well, interlacing their fingers together.
"Oh yeah, what are your summer plans?" Sehun tries to ask casually and Jongin grins.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Sehun shoves Jongin to the side, letting out a playfully defeated laugh.
It's fine though, because he'll have plenty of time to figure out the ins and outs of Kim Jongin. And no matter what happens between them, it'll be worth it.
Kai/Sehun
G | 7,326 w.
Hypothetically, if Sehun wanted to, he could take action. But he never finds a reason to until he meets a hopelessly in love Kim Jongin.
A blonde-haired boy is standing at the entryway of his house, putting on his shoes when he looks up to the sky. It’s a bright shade of blue, and the sun is slowly rising up from behind neighboring houses.
He inhales deeply, pulling on his bag as he steps out. As he makes his way to the bus stop, he politely greets the elders that call out to him and when he turns the corner, he is pushed into the main street where the commotion of cars, motorcycles and chattering is at full blast due to the morning rush.
Yet this is Oh Sehun’s favorite time of day, when the early fog and dew fades into the background. If he could, he would stay at train stations and bus stops all day, watching as people make their way to their final destinations.
The bus arrives and Sehun steps on, easily finding a seat in the back.
His commute is mindless; no one bugs him since many people are in their own little bubbles, allowing him to get lost in his own thoughts. He scrolls through his phone to find today’s song, a tradition he has kept up since middle school.
He finally settles on a song when someone bumps into his arm and his earbuds are pulled out of his ears. Sehun heaves out a sigh at the interruption of his dropped phone, but before he can bend down to pick it up, someone is handing it to him.
Sehun looks up to see a tall boy with silver hair politely smiling at him. He has a very distinct face, one that looks like he came directly out of a manga or anime. He may be handsome, but Sehun isn’t impressed.
"Sorry." The stranger says in an unexpectedly pleasant voice, breaking Sehun’s train of thought.
He offers a quick smile, looking down to the stranger’s vest to see that they go to the same school. He looks up again and the stranger is eyeing him strangely.
"It’s okay." Sehun curtly replies and averts his gaze. Sehun has never seen the boy before, but he could be part of a different year. It’s not like Sehun knows the entire student body. Sehun watches the stranger sit down before scrolling through his phone again.
Either way, he doesn’t put too much thought into it, hoping that they’ll never run into each other at school. There’s really no point.
-------
Sehun is in his seat ten minutes before the morning bell. What he likes about arriving at this time is that it’s early enough so he won’t have to panic about being late to class and there isn’t enough time for other students to strike up meaningless conversations with him. As he looks around the class, his classmates are animatedly chatting amongst each other, and Sehun wonders why they need to spend hours and hours talking about nothing.
He always preferred minimal contact with others, especially since he finds himself unable to hold conversations with most people before someone gets pissed off.
So instead of dealing with that trouble, he opts to look out the window, where there’s just the right amount of distance for Sehun to feel like he’s still connected to the world without being too involved.
The view isn’t much, consisting of the open sky, tall trees and students with early P.E. doing their morning stretches. Time moves slower, and it’s a nice transition into class coming from home.
A slip of paper is placed on his desk and he looks up to see Luhan, an older schoolmate he befriended over time. He can’t even remember the first time Luhan approached him, pushing himself into Sehun’s relatively quiet life, but Sehun supposes he’s grateful for it. Luhan gives him opportunities to watch other people without having to interact with others. After all, Luhan has enough energy to socialize for both of them. If necessary, he can probably bring life to an entire auditorium full of students.
"Sehun, you and me. Tonight at 9." Luhan says as he points to the paper.
Astronomy club’s introductory meeting! 10 pm in Room 3-2.
Sehun still has flyers from the culinary, cycling, music and film clubs respectively from their club hopping throughout this entire week of recruiting. It’s Luhan’s favorite time of year because it gives him the opportunity to befriend others without making any real commitments to anything. He easily rotates through different groups before moving onto others, pruning out those he doesn’t want to talk to.
“A night under the stars. So romantic.” Sehun deadpans, and Luhan’s eyes widen in excitement.
"Isn’t it?" Luhan says, clasping Sehun’s hands together; the latter is unfazed.
"When were you interested in charting the sky?"
Luhan leans in close and wiggles his eyebrows. “You of all people should know by now that I’m a man of many interests.”
Sehun shoves Luhan away. “Come on, who’s in it?”
Luhan straightens his jacket and clears his throat. “If you must know…Yixing.”
"I didn’t realize you were into his dimples."
Luhan immediately rebuffs, “I’m not! It’s just he knows Tao who knows Kyungsoo who knows Joonmyun who knows Baekhyun who knows Chanyeol who knows Minseok.”
"Don’t you know all of them too, though?"
"Yeah, but they don’t all know Minseok."
"Okay." Sehun simply says, not understanding Luhan's roundabout logic. "Whatever you say."
"Does this mean you’re in?" The only thing that matters to Luhan, Sehun finds, is that he has a wingman along with him.
"Yeah, yeah." Sehun takes the paper and folds it into fours. Luhan cheers and pats Sehun’s head.
"See you after class, then!" Luhan waves and leaves to go back to his classroom on the upper floor.
Luhan is one of those people who is super friendly and accommodating with most people and Sehun doesn’t really understand why he and others feel obligated to change themselves depending on the company. But that's probably why his circle of "friends" really only consists of Luhan's primary group, all who are conveniently in the Astronomy club.
"Oh Sehun." The homeroom teacher calls out in an authoritative voice and Sehun raises his hand. The teacher continues to drone on, and Sehun finds himself thinking about astronomy. From all of the choices, astronomy sounds the most interesting to him, and although he made fun of Luhan earlier about charting the skies, Sehun wouldn't mind doing that for his job.
------------
There’s only a small group of people when Sehun enters the classroom listed on the paper and he steps out to double check that he got the right place.
Sehun looks at the room number. Yup, 3-2.
He looks around while still standing in the entryway. There are many faces he recognizes, but can’t place names to. He’s seen them around the hallways, scrambling through their lockers and getting their books for class.
"Hello, are you here for the Astronomy club?" A tall lanky boy pops up in front of him, leaning forward.
Sehun takes a step back and nods.
"Good, good, sit down anywhere you’d like. We’re going to have introductions and then move up to the roof. I’m Chanyeol, by the way." He extends a hand out and Sehun shakes it awkwardly as Chanyeol had talked really quickly.
"I’m Sehun. My friend Luhan insisted I came." Sehun says, curving his lower lip up.
Chanyeol nodded in understanding. “Well, there’s no real obligations when it comes to club activities, but we’ll get into tha-”
Chanyeol stops midsentence and tilts his head to the side to see behind him. Sehun turns around to see an older schoolmate he recognizes from the track team known as Tao.
"Hey, I just ran into this guy in the hallway downstairs and convinced him to join the club."
What. The. Fuck. is the only thought Sehun can form in his head as his throat goes dry at the sight of the silver-haired boy from this morning.
The newcomer briefly waves, scanning around the room quickly with a small smile on his face; like he doesn’t know that he’s being coerced into joining the club. He doesn’t look at Sehun and the latter hesitates on reacting, wondering if he should be offended or not.
"This is Jongin, he’s a first year transfer in the science track. Sehun, you probably have him in some of your classes, right?"
Sehun blinks blankly. Their school divides the student body into two different categories: science and arts. It’s one thing for the guy to be attending his school in general. It’s not entirely out of the question that they would be in the same track. Although it's insane that they’re in the same year of the same track of the same school with a similar class schedule, it's the fact that they're both here at the astronomy club meeting that really steals the cake.
Interrupting Sehun’s thoughts, Jongin says, “Yeah, he’s the one who looked out the window the entire day.”
"Uh…yeah." Sehun responds dumbly, irked that Jongin is here.
He can’t even express his frustrations, but Luhan comes up to Sehun’s side and place an arm around his shoulder.
"Hi Jongin. I’m Luhan, nice to meet you! We’ll take care of you well. Okay, Sehun, come on. I found us seats over here." Luhan drags him over to the seats closest to Minseok and Sehun takes a few deep breaths to calm down from seething over Kim Jongin’s existence.
Introductions with the rest of the group go by quickly and Sehun is grateful because both Minseok and Chanyeol have been hyping up the rooftop for the past hour.
Chanyeol turns to look back at the club members as he leads them up the stairs next to the restrooms.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you go up here. It’s one of the best spots in town to look at the stars. Minseok hyung and I discovered it last year.” Chanyeol grins proudly and Sehun could feel Luhan’s burning glare and is almost impressed that the second year doesn’t notice anything.
He’s not sure what to expect, or why his heart is beating a little faster, but when Chanyeol opens the door and the burst of air hits against his face, Sehun closes his eyes, mentally preparing himself for what kind of sight would be before him.
He hears the excited gasps and cheers of the rest of the club and when he finally opens his eyes to see thousands and thousands of twinkling stars in the open sky, where city lights are completely hidden in the distance, Sehun lets out an impressed chuckle.
Wow.
All the anger and frustration that he felt before completely seeps away from him, and when he looks around, he briefly makes eye contact with Jongin before Luhan calls him over.
-------------
Luhan slides into the seat across from him the next morning and Sehun waits for his friend to squeal about his latest endeavors with Minseok-hyung.
"We struck gold with this club." Luhan’s eyes twinkle and Sehun silently nods. The Astronomy club is perfect for him because the main focus is acknowledging the outdoors and nature. He's never been good with people, so a club without the pressure of conversation appeals to him.
"And you made a friend that’s your age." Luhan’s smile grows bigger as the corner of his eyes crinkle.
Sehun snorts. “Jongin as a friend? Please.”
Luhan lets out a small laugh. “Come on, he’s not a bad guy.”
"He takes up too much space when his groupies are around. I’ll ignore him. It’ll be fine."
Luhan rolls his eyes. “Good luck wih that.”
-------------
Luhan was right.
Sehun almost lets out a bitter laugh when he sees Jongin wearing a library helper vest. The piece of clothing looks ridiculous on him, and makes Jongin a hypocrite when loud squeals and whispers are bombarding his thoughts.
No matter where Sehun goes in the library, Jongin’s presence is easy to notice as more people begin to occupy the room, trying to catch the transfer student’s attention.
He doesn’t understand what Jongin had that other people didn’t, but all he knows is that he is officially irked; especially when he’s trying to read up on the stars that Minseok mentioned at the last meeting. He can still hear them when he puts “Cloudy Seoul” on full blast and as he’s giving Jongin’s group a death glare, he wonders why no one else in the library is bothered by the excess noise.
After a girl lets out a nasally laugh that pierces through his earbuds, Sehun calls it quits, standing up and walking toward Jongin with great conviction.
The group looks at him with disdain and Sehun doesn’t even bother looking at them, intensifying his glare at Jongin.
"Can your please escort your posse out of the library? A lot of people are trying to study."
"Oh, sorry." Jongin immediately replies, straightening his position in his seat. "I didn’t realize they were bugging anyone."
Jongin looks at Sehun with a curious expression and Sehun is annoyed once again at how difficult it is to read Jongin's emotions. He can't tell is Jongin is mad or apologetic.
"Hey Sehun, could you show me around the school?"
"Excuse me?" Sehun asks incredulously.
"I haven’t had the chance to explore everywhere yet and I figured you should know all the good spots since you’re always observing things." Jongin replies easily.
"I don’t have time, sorry." Sehun says without looking back, returning to his desk to pack up.
Sehun hates that Jongin acts the same with everyone and speaks with that stupid superficial tone.
---------------
It’s a week later when somehow, a daily routine begins.
A bag is placed onto his desk at 3-2 and Sehun looks up to see Jongin smiling at him. When Sehun throws him questioning look, Jongin only shrugs.
"Luhan told me you liked milk tea."
Sehun stares at the white chocolate milk tea, cursing Luhan under his breath. He could hear him now (“Don’t worry Sehun, you guys will get along just fine.”)
He lets out a small groan, pushing the cup away.
Jongin takes a slurp out of his own cup and places a few books on the table. “I saw these books about Mercury the other day after you left. I remember Minseok hyung talking about it, so I checked them out for you if you wanted to know more.”
Sehun grunts in acknowledgement and he’s grateful that it’s just the two of them because Luhan would surely have killed him by now.
Jongin moves to his seat after a while and Sehun eyes the milk tea and books before him.
There’s no way he’s going to take it.
Three hours later, two empty cups are in the trash. The four books on Mercury are placed carefully in Sehun’s bag and his reasoning is that he didn’t want to waste food.
"Ready to go up?" Jongin asks, looking at the clock.
Sehun had such a good session of reading that can’t bring himself to feel any anger. He nods; silently packing up and the two make their way through the halls.
"What are you listening to today?" Jongin peeks back over his shoulder and Sehun raises an eyebrow.
"10cm," is all he says and Jongin nods slowly.
"You do seem like the type."
"What does that even mean?" Sehun raises an eyebrow and Jongin tilts his head to the side.
"On the bus that first day. You were listening to some K-indie tune, I recognized the cover."
Sehun huffs. What does Jongin know anyway?
-------------
Somehow, over time, Sehun and Jongin come to have a silent agreement to meet at the second floor staircase after Jongin’s library shift.
Jongin continues to bring Sehun a random assortment of treats that make him wonder how Jongin even has the time to go buy them.
Dried fish one day, mango milk the day after that. Potato chips, galbi, mandu, ice cream. The list goes on.
"Reminded me of you," is all Jongin says as he drops a bag of today’s treats-ice cream waffles.
When they climb up the stairs, the rest of the club is already up there, and Sehun scrambles to help to set up.
He doesn’t let the butterflies in his stomach flutter for too long.
It’s when the clock strikes 10 when Sehun notices Jongin isn’t looking through his telescope. Sehun usually focuses his gaze on Luhan and this is the first time he has ever taken a glance at Jongin. It's not like Jongin's new; he's been here long enough that he shouldn’t even be called a transfer student anymore. Yet, Sehun realizes that he can’t remember a moment when Jongin has expressed interest in something first. It's always someone else who starts the conversation, Jongin just following along.
So the fact that he is staring so intently at the movie club makes Sehun more curious than he should be. Sehun clears his throat and nudges Jongin with his shoulder.
“So… who are you looking at in the movie club?”
Jongin freezes, and Sehun almost snorts.
If there’s anything that Sehun dislikes the most, it’s passive aggressiveness.
"Who says I was looking at anything?" Jongin’s voice is defensive as he was obviously caught offguard.
Sehun rolls his eyes and heaves a sigh. This is almost too easy.
“You’re not very casual about it.”
"About what?"
"Your stare is really intense. Did no one ever tell you?"
Jongin breaks out into a smile and a throaty laugh escapes his lips. Sehun scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.
"What’s so funny?" Sehun asks defensively.
"Nothing, nothing." Jongin shakes his head and waves his hand at the same time. "You’re just saying things I wasn’t expecting."
Sehun is about to ask for Jongin to clarify when Chanyeol jumps from his seat.
"Look, look! It’s Mars!"
Jongin is already grabbing at his telescope, closing one eye and clenching his jaw to see what he’s talking about.
Minseok pats Chanyeol in the back, praising him for his observation and as Sehun scans around the area, he sees Luhan cursing to himself while desperately moving his telescope (to find another star so Minseok can praise him, no doubt.)
Sehun lies on his back, blowing his hair back so he can just get lost in the sight of the stars, feeling a sense of transcendence as he forgets where his surroundings are.
"Kim Jongdae." Jongin says when it’s just the two of them packing up.
"Really?" Sehun asks, genuinely surprised. Sehun has only spoken to Jongdae once when Baekhyun and Joonmyun introduced him as their newest roommate. From what he remembered Jongdae was nice and funny, but he can’t really remember anything else about him. But that’s probably because he wasn’t really paying as much attention to him.
He didn’t know who or what he was expecting Jongin to look at, but he suddenly feels deflated.
(The heavy and unexpected question of Why not me? rests at the tip of his tongue and Sehun bites the inside of his cheeks as he shakes the thought away. There was no reason for Jongin to like him anyway.)
-------------
The times when Sehun toys with the idea of being in a relationship are rare, so maybe that's why Sehun has so many questions to ask Jongin. Or perhaps it's because Jongin is one of the most interesting people he's ever met before.
And it's when he's chewing on his fifth piece of honey toast that he brings up the idea that Jongin should confess.
"Just because I like him doesn’t mean I want to get together with him.” Jongin says, looking at Sehun incredulously.
"What?" Sehun almost chokes. "So do you just like to look at pretty faces then?"
"I get enough satisfaction just looking at him go about his life for a couple hours, watching foreign movies while I’m up here basking in the moonlight."
"That’s not stalker material at all." Sehun retorts sarcastically, drawing in a leg and resting his chin on top of his knee after swallowing the last bites of toast. "Besides, if all you’re going to do is stare at Jongdae, why didn’t you just join the movie club?"
"Don’t you think that it’s more fun when there aren’t really any expectations or promises, and you just get to watch who you like without a care?"
"That’s completely one-sided. Nothing happens, and he’ll never know because you’re too busy just watching him from the top of another building. What if he gets with someone else? How does that benefit either of you?"
Jongin slightly laughs. “Oh Sehun, you go by life very seriously, don’t you? Besides, you do the same thing. "
Jongin has a joking tone to his voice, but there’s something else too and Sehun can’t place it. But before he can figure it out, Jongin continues, ignoring Sehun’s questions. “It’s the fantasy that makes it fun. You can make guesses as to what their lives are like and you spend time trying to deduce someone. Because as soon as you get to know everything about a person, what’s really left to do?”
Sehun furrows his eyebrows. He doesn't understand how Jongin can have so many friends when he goes about life so passively. Why have superficial frienships when he could build stronger bonds instead? But Sehun decides to save his breath because it would be wasted.
"Oh yeah, I part-time at Minggu & Nini. Why don’t you come over sometime and I can show you my dogs? The milk tea there is really good too." Jongin says.
Sehun eyes Jongin waringly but asks for the address anyway. Jongin slips him a paper with said address… and a cell phone number.
"In case you get lost or something."
-------------
As he spends more time on the rooftop, Sehun finds himself buying more books to fill up his empty bookshelves, and more maps and charts of the night sky to pin onto his bleak walls. But as he fills up his room, he finds more and more things to buy.
So he applies to work at a grocery store and is surprised when he gets a call back to train next day. It’s a long day of old grandmas and busy moms, but the shift goes smoothly and Sehun is excited to be making money for himself now.
He lets out the breath he was holding, pulling out the business card and eyeing the business card. He reads it again.
Sehun looks behind him to see the store's address and then looks in front of him.
Of fucking course, with his luck. He doesn’t know what to think with the coincidences keep matching up, so wipes his hands against his pants and crosses the street.
Minggu & Nini is a quaint cafe with a small menu. Sehun has never really felt the urge of wanting to keep a furry pet. He treats dogs and cats like babies; standing as far as physically possible from them.
Jongin greets him with a lazy wave and Sehun waves back, wondering when it became easy for them to greet each other in such a casual manner. He doesn't remember when he began to look forward to their usual and brief hangouts, and never expected for them to become anything close to friends, but here they are.
"Welcome, welcome." Jongin says, bowing dramatically. "This is Minggu & Nini, my second humble abode."
"It's cute." Sehun says , looking around at the different trinkets placed around the entire café. Everything is wooden, and all the furniture and kitchenware are dog-themed.
Jongin chuckles and leads Sehun to a table in the corner.
"I'll be right back. My break's coming up soon so I'll treat you to our best desserts."
Sehun's stomach growls and Jongin laughs, walking away.
It's none of his business, but Jongin's situation with Jongdae seems to always be on the back of his mind. Maybe it's because the more he brings up Jongdae, the more he can listen to Jongin talk.
"There’s a different satisfaction when you see someone be happy because of you, and when they find happiness without your interference." Jongin says out of the blue, and Sehun wonders what made him feel compelled to say that.
"At least, that's the feeling I get when I interact with customers here." Jongin shrugs, looking to the crowd and Sehun
Sehun finds himself looking at Jongin’s lips. He quickly averts his gaze when he realizes what he’s doing and looks up to see Jongin looking at him with a raised brow.
"You have something stuck between your teeth." Sehun huffs, and Jongin laughs before running his tongue over his lips and Sehun gulps, pretending that he didn’t see anything.
They spend the rest of Jongin’s break bickering about differing philosophies yet when Sehun leaves, he feels that they've made progress since they first met.
-----
But it’s later that day when he’s eating dinner with Luhan that he makes a revelation. Sehun is in the middle of gulping down his broth when a hand smacks the back of his head.
"You idiot." Luhan chides and Sehun slacks his jaw open, confused as to where this is coming from.
"I only have two questions for you. Are you ready?" Luhan looks at him expectantly and Sehun just nods.
Luhan rolls his eyes and steals a fishball from his bowl. “First off, why do you keep bringing up Jongdae to Jongin?”
Sehun puts down his fork and readjusts himself in his seat. “I thought it was what he wanted, and that they should have a chance to try it out. I didn’t want Jongin to have any doubts about it, stuck thinking about the what-ifs in life.”
"Jongin or you?"
"Huh?"
"You didn’t want Jonginnie to think about their possibilities in the future, or you?" Luhan clarifies, leaning forward, and Sehun groans because he doesn’t have any answers.
"Me? Maybe? Is that what you wanted to hear?" Sehun emphasizes the question in an annoyed tone. "I don’t even know why I feel this way. I know almost nothing about Jongin except that he works at a dog cafe and that he liked Jongdae."
"Okay." Luhan simply says, gulping down the rest of his water and Sehun exhales deeply.
"Second question." Luhan plops his glass on the counter. "What are you going to do about it?"
"What?" Sehun is tired of people asking him questions in a roundabout way and just wants things to be clear and simple.
"You said you don’t know anything about Jongin. Don’t you want to know more about him?"
Sehun thinks back to what Jongin had said about the satisfying feeling of watching people find happiness.
"I do." Sehun says confidently.
-----
Except he never gets the chance to.
For the next month, Jongin immediately leaves after class. It's before Sehun has the chance to even look at him to say bye and Sehun doesn't know what happened between them.
He thought that things were going well, and he wants to ask, but Jongin doesn’t have an obligation to him. There was never a clear and mutual agreement that they made about saying hello or goodbye to one another outside of the club. It just felt nice when Jongin would.
When Sehun does see Jongin again for the first time for longer than five seconds, it’s the sight of his nape. And he lashes out his frustration because, of course, Jongin is back to staring at the movie club and Sehun is so tired of it all.
"How long are you going to be doing this for?" Sehun bites the inside of his cheeks, trying to hold himself back from cursing. This can mean so many different things-looking at Jongdae, avoiding Sehun, keeping his feelings hidden from the world.
They see each other everyday four times a week, but time flies by too quickly and it’s nearly not enough. And when they don’t talk to each other for so long without a clear reason, Sehun feels anxious and annoyed.
Jongin is looking at him with an unreadable expression and Sehun doesn’t know what to say or do. He's already asked and it’s not like he can take it back, but it’s clear that Jongin doesn’t want to say anything about it.
"Forget I asked." Sehun mutters as he picks up his messenger bag from the ground, making his way out of he classroom. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything out loud because now there will be more problems and unnecessary drama that Sehun doesn’t want to deal with.
He doesn't look back, not wanting to look at Jongin's expression, but he accidentally bumps into another student. Sehun mutters an apology, pausing to bend down to pick up the person's dropped belongings. It’s almost been a month since he last went to Astronomy club, and it's the first time in forever since he's spoken to Jongin. All thanks to a misunderstanding.
"It's okay." The voice sounds familiar and when Sehun looks up, he sees Jongdae smiling at him. "You're Sehun, right?"
Sehun nods, handing Jongdae his books.
"Long time no see, how’s the Astronomy club treating you?"
Sehun doesn’t want to deal with the smalltalk. Not today, and definitely not with Kim Jongdae.
"Is something troubling you? Should I go get Luhan-hyung?" Jongdae raises an eyebrow at him and Sehun almost trips over his words when he finally speaks up.
“Jongin really likes you. Please take his feelings into his consideration and talk to him since he’s afraid.”
There's an awkward silence that lingers in the air and Sehun almost wishes he could take back the words, but at the same time he feels so much lighter after saying it out loud because it could be what Jongin is feeling with Jongdae, but it definitely is what Sehun is feeling toward Jongin. And it's the first time he's ever said it out loud.
His throat feels really dry, and no matter how much he gulps, the feeling doesn't disappear. His palms feel a bit sweatier, his body warmer.
He likes Jongin; he likes Jongin a lot and yet he's telling Jongdae to pursue a relationship with him.
Brilliant Oh Sehun.
"Did he tell you that?" Jongdae says, interrupting his thoughts.
And that was not the reaction Sehun was expecting.
"What?" Sehun asks, confused.
"Did Jongin tell you specifically that he liked me?" Jongdae repeats himself and Sehun squints at the older student.
"Pretty much?" Where is Jongdae going with this?
"Sehun, you're a really good friend, but I suggest you guys have another talk." Jongdae grins and Sehun fights the urge to yell back because Jongdae isn't even taking him seriously. The older schoolmate pats a hand on his shoulder before walking away and Sehun leaves his mouth hanging.
He’s not sure when he stopped looking at the sky and toward Jongin’s nape as the transfer student rests his head against his arm to look at the movie club. As he continues to walk through the halls, he realizes that the club is using a science room tonight.
Tonight, the room in the distance is slightly illuminated, with flashes of movement from the characters on the screen. Sehun enjoys movies, but he can never make himself watch older films and watching it in a foreign language gives him a headache.
He hates himself for thinking it, but Sehun wonders if Jongin would like him more if he also liked watching foreign movies, throwing out his opinions about directors like Truffaut, Fellini and Eisenstein.
--
Sehun decides that maybe it's best if he just removes himself from the equation. Jongin is supposed to be with Jongdae to live out a Kim Jong destiny. (Yes, he did just come up with that right now.)
The past semester has given him so many headaches that he wishes for summer to arrive and wash it all away. So in the meantime, all he can do is drown himself into his work.
"I’m going to be quitting from the club for a while as I save up for money." Sehun tells Minseok when he visits Luhan in 3-2 and the third year smiles at him proudly.
"Luhan told me that you wanted to buy a telescope."
Sehun nods and Minseok makes an approving sound. “It shouldn’t be too hard, and we’ll miss you around here, so don’t stray for too long.”
Sehun smiles and promises to return.
At first it’s hard to get used to, especially since he had grown accustomed to Jongin's pace, but it soon becomes second nature to go about his routine of sleep, school, work. He doesn't even notice when the leaves change color and the early signs of summer arrived.
The only indications that he gets are within the supermarket, when the seasonal fruits come and go, when he has to decorate the store with different holiday-related themes. There are also other small changes that he only notices after a while-his hands become calloused from moving boxes, his back has a permanent knot that he can't seem to get rid of, and sweat has become a second layer of skin.
But still, Minseok was right; it doesn’t take long.
When he comes home one day to see a package in the living room, his face lights up incredibly.
He drops his bag at the entrance of the door as he kicks off his shoes. He hops over the wooden ledge separating the room from the outside and plops down onto the sofa.
Sehun lets out a giddy laugh; two months of hard work have finally paid off.
He takes out his phone to share the news to Luhan and the rest of the club and invites everyone over for a stargazing party. Scrolling through his phone, he pauses when he reaches Jongin’s phone number.
Sehun hasn’t actually found a need to call or text, since they never had a reason to spend more time talking when they saw each other everyday anyway. At least, that’s how it was a couple months ago.
He never ended up asking neither Jongin nor Jongdae the results of his actions. He finally decides to make the call and as the line rings, Sehun briefly considers hanging up. However, he hesitates for too long and Jongin picks up on the other end.
Silence greets him and Sehun has to check again if Jongin really answered the phone or not. When he sees the duration of the call is at 10 seconds and counting, Sehun clears his throat.
"H-hey…uh." Sehun deeply inhales. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to my house tomorrow? My telescope came in today and I wanted to show it to everyone."
Sehun hears an intake of breath and braces himself for Jongin’s response.
"Sure, what time?" Jongin’s voice is curt and distant, and Sehun’s too distracted by how weird Jongin’s voice sounds over the waves, but he clears his throat to respond.
"People are going to come over at 9 or so. You’re more than welcome to come later if you can’t make it at that time."
"No, no. Nine’s fine." Jongin says and Sehun can’t read his tone. He knows for sure that he hadsn’t done anything.
"Okay, I’ll see you then?"
"Alright. Bye." Jongin ends the call and Sehun is left with the beeping of the dial tone.
He tries to tell himself that Jongin didn't sound really handsome over the phone.
------
The doorbell rings at 8 and Sehun wonders who within the group would come early. He looks through the peephole and immediately stands up straight. He looks again to make sure that he isn't hallucinating Kim Jongin standing there. It's been so long that the two had been in the same vicinity of one another that Sehun opens the door with ease
"Hey, welcome to my humble abode." Sehun says, trying to get Jongn to laugh, but th slightly older boy simply quirks his lip up without changing his expression and Sehun feels dumb so he leads Jongin into the living room.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Sehun asks, awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room. It's the first time he's allowed anyone to be in the house and he doesn't want to be alone with Jongin since they never identified nor resolved what happened before.
"Why’d you do it?" Jongin immediately asks with an unreadable expression as soon as he enters the room. Sehun wishes that Jongin could have at least softened the blow a tad bit. But this is what Sehun has wanted from Jongin since the beginning--raw emotion without filters or watered down thoughts.
So Sehun gives him complete honesty as well. "You’ve been friends with him for so long, and the idea of getting together is really scary. I get that, but you need to stop waiting and watching from afar. You could be spending time with him right now and be happy together, which is what I want for you guys. I believe that all you needed was an extra push."
Jongin curves his lower lip up, but his eyes are still serious and unfazed. “Oh Sehun, always so serious.”
Sehun frowns, slightly disappointed that Jongin simply teases him rather than give him a proper response.
But Jongin continues. "I don't know why you think that Jongdae and I are soulmates or whatever, but you have to stop. You have to realize that
"Is this why you ignored me for a month?"
"…I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore." Jongin slowly says and Sehun gapes at him.
The sounds of Tao and Luhan's laughter become louder and Sehun is distracted by their horrible timing as he looks to see Minseok and the entourage of the Astronomy club behind him.
" Meet me on the roof tomorrow." Jongin suddenly says as he stands up. Sehun tries to catch Jongin’s gaze, but the latter is looking down, packing up all his things.
"You're leaving? You haven't even seen the telescope." They haven't even properly talked yet.
Jongin shakes his head as he slips his cardigan on. “Later.”
Sehun stares at Jongin’s retreating figure with confusion and the othes protest when Jongin walks out of the house. But when they come in, Minseok immediately congratulates Sehun, andChanyeol and Tao bicker over the opportunity to test the telescope's specs.
But as much as he loves his new telescope, he can't get Jongin out of his mind. Even after hours of stargazing, even as the others say their goodbyes and part ways, Sehun is thinking about what Jongin could possibly want to talk about tomorrow. He wonders what he can do to mend their relaionship.
Luhan turns back a final time with a worried expression, but Sehun waves him away.
Jongin is his own problem to deal with.
-----
After class the next day, Sehun climbs up the usual flight of stairs to the club’s designated meeting spot at the roof of the science department building.
Instead of the ugly green door that separates him from the best view at school, a figure is sitting at the top of the stairs, legs casually sprawled out.
The speech he had planned out the previous night quickly fades from his mind and when he walks closer, he realizes that Jongin is sitting there. Sehun’s heart is beating fast, but before he can say anything, the boy stands up and walks down to meet him.
"You’re here early." Jongin wipes his hands on his pants and throws an easy smile at Sehun.
"Not really." Sehun casually shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets. He was expecting an angry Jongin again, and he hates how unpredictable Jongin could be.
Even though there's no point anymore, even though he's not entirely sure why he decided to show up, being in the same space as Jongin makes him happy.
(And he wonders if this is what Jongin meant when he said he was satisfied with simply seeing happiness glint in the eyes of someone he cared about.)
But he had to ask the question that had been bugging him for the past four months.
"Before you say anything, why did you ignore me for the entire month of April?"
Jongin raises an eyebrow.
"I had to pick up more shifts at the café. Buying you food everyday takes a toll on my wallet, you know."
And Sehun's heart feels lighter, but at the same time he feels so conflicted.
"Why…why didn't you just tell me?" Sehun asks in an exasperated voice and Jongin looks at him with a confused look.
"That was when we had first become a bit closer, Sehun. I didn't think I had to tell you, but if you were really bugged by it, why didn't you come to me instead of waiting?"
And Jongin has a point, except for the fact that so much time was wasted because of miscommunications and misunderstandings, and Sehun realizes that everything he tried to prevent between Jongin and Jongdae happened between the two of them instead.
Oh, right. The Kim Jong destiny.
Sehun takes a couple of breaths.
"I'm sorry."
He clear his throat.
"I'm sorry for telling Jongdae, for rushing you into dealing with that. I wish I could take it back, but I was so angry then. I just wanted something to work out between the two of you, and afterward I just drowned myself in my work because I didn't want to deal with my own emotions. "
Sehun finishes and looks down, waiting for Jongin to thank him for pushing them together or to tell him how happy he is now with Jongdae. Or maybe he's bracing for the impact of Jongin telling him that he felt grateful that he could rely on Sehun in that capacity. At the same time, he waits for Jongin to turn off the pleasantries and yell at him for ruining everything; he waits for Jongin to tell him that they can never be friends again.
But Jongin laughs and Sehun is thrown off guard again.
"Oh come on, you have to know by now?" Jongin asks jokingly, shaking his head and Sehun only blinks back. "How are you so observant yet…slow?
Jongin lets out a breath of air and puts his hands in his pockets.
"As you know, Jongdae’s someone I really care for."
Sehun doesn’t respond, waiting for Jongin to continue.
"I met Jongdae when I was five, and over the years, he helped me become who I am today. For a long time, I thought I loved him and I was okay with just the thought of being in love. But then I met you."
Jongin says, smiling at him.
"Oh Sehun, always living life with a chip on his shoulder, yet who always had the time and money to waste on milk tea, horrible action flicks, the same black and white t-shirts-"
"What is this, The Sound of Music?" Sehun retorts, interrupting Jongin while he lists off of Sehun’s favorite things.
His chest feels so tight that he tries his best to not let out a giddy laugh at how awkward Jongin is. However, when he turns to look at the older boy, the night sky behind him shines brighter than usual, and it's one of the prettiest sights Sehun has ever seen.
Jongin’s smile widens into a grin, and he starts to hum a familiar tune, leaning in close, grabbing for Sehun's hands.
Sehun rolls his eyes before laughing as well, interlacing their fingers together.
"Oh yeah, what are your summer plans?" Sehun tries to ask casually and Jongin grins.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Sehun shoves Jongin to the side, letting out a playfully defeated laugh.
It's fine though, because he'll have plenty of time to figure out the ins and outs of Kim Jongin. And no matter what happens between them, it'll be worth it.