...
I think it's just beginning to really sink in.
It's weird. After it happened, I was fine. I was even able to stick around, sleep with her (real sleep, another fuck), press my advantage. Even when telling Near about it, I was good. Remembering Mello made me sick, but I could deal.
Now Near's gone though, and I'm alone in his room. Giving me time for it to sink in, Near said. I feel like I'm going crazy in here. There's nothing to fucking do except sit around and remember. I dont' want to remember. I tried playing with his toys for a bit, but then I realized: I was playing with legos. And actions figures (they were kind of fun....I pretended to kill Mello a lot....but that didn't exactly help with my quest to forget). I finally got on his comp to distract myself, but even this is just remembering.
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. Fuck it all. I'm going back to sleep or to play with the action figures again.
It's weird. After it happened, I was fine. I was even able to stick around, sleep with her (real sleep, another fuck), press my advantage. Even when telling Near about it, I was good. Remembering Mello made me sick, but I could deal.
Now Near's gone though, and I'm alone in his room. Giving me time for it to sink in, Near said. I feel like I'm going crazy in here. There's nothing to fucking do except sit around and remember. I dont' want to remember. I tried playing with his toys for a bit, but then I realized: I was playing with legos. And actions figures (they were kind of fun....I pretended to kill Mello a lot....but that didn't exactly help with my quest to forget). I finally got on his comp to distract myself, but even this is just remembering.
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. Fuck it all. I'm going back to sleep or to play with the action figures again.