190 - Photographic Memory: A Snape x Lily FST

Jul 25, 2007 22:15

THIS MIX CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR DEATHLY HALLOWS.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.



It was years ago - back when I was 10 or so and just getting out of the childish phase of hating all the villains, such as Snape, and started to appreciate the characters for who they were. For some reason, I was compelled to click a Snape x Lily fic on fanfiction.net. It could've been a combination of a good writer and a good story, or it could've been that the pairing truly did work in my mind.

Order of the Phoenix came out, and I pondered more about my guilty pleasure pairing, but laid it to rest as I busied myself with things not-so-Potterish.

And now we have Deathly Hallows. Everything was explained - and my guilty pleasure somehow became canon, or, as canon as it could be as it was only unrequieted love. This FST details the growing friendship, love, and continuing love through death of Severus Snape.





[Simone Simmons from Epica is used as Lily in the covers]

[x] Goodnight And Go - Imogen Heap
One of these days,
You'll miss your train,
And come stay with me...
{It's always say goodnight and go}
We'll have drinks,
And talk about things and,
Any excuse to stay awake with you...
You'd sleep here,
I'd sleep there,
But then the heating may be down again,
At my convenience...
We'd be good,
We'd be great together...

Why'd ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you,
Must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well..
Say goodnight and go.

"You've got loads of magic," said Snape. "I saw that. All the time I was watching you..."

[x] Waiting - Trapt
Now I realize I never had it to so good
You took me anywhere I wanted to go
Now I'm sitting here dreaming of the days we led
Anytime I wanted I could show you how I feel
I can't go anywhere that I want to go
Anywhere that I want to go

And I'd make it right if you wanted it
I want it back more than you know
I'd cross the line if you wanted it
I want you back
And I'm waiting for you
To get that feeling once again
Reunited in the end
And I've been waiting for you
To capture my imagination
Cuz I've been fooled by the illusions in my head
In my head

"Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"
Snape hesitated. His black eyes, eager in the greenish gloom, moved over the pale face, the dark red hair.
"No," he said. "It doesn't make any difference."

[x] Unwritten Letter #1 - Vienna Teng
Everything reminds me
Music surging bedroom dance
Crazy spinning sultry glance
I inhale your presence still
These your arms of daring grace
Encircle me what pact is made
Desire is your masquerade
Want me you never will

You gave me truth I chose illusion
Now we are used to this confusion
But I know
Yes I know this story has to end
Never groped for a connection
Never hoped for more affection
For I know
I know I am your friend
Only your friend

"...thought we were supposed to be friends?" Snape was saying. "Best friends?"
"We are, Sev."

[x] Samson - Regina Spektor
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

“I didn’t mean - I just don’t want to see you made a fool of - He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!” The words seemed wrenched from him against his will. “And he’s not…everyone thinks…big Quidditch hero-” Snape’s bitterness and dislike were rendering him incoherent, and Lily’s eyebrows were traveling farther and farther up her head.
“I know James Potter’s an arrogant toerag,” she said, cutting across Snape. “I don’t neede you to tell me that.”

[x] Things Don’t Always Turn Out This Way - The Calling
Well he can't sleep at night
And he can't do what's right
It was all because she came into his life
It's a deep obsession, taking up his time

She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs
She's everything he just won't believe
Take away his doubt, turn him inside out
Then she can see what he's been dying to say
But things don't always turn out that way

Harry doubted that Snape had even heard her strictures on Mulciber and Avery. The moment she had insulted James Potter, his whole body had relaxed, and as they walked away there was a new spring in Snape’s step…

[x] Like It Or Not - Darren Hayes
I've been broken, shut down and useless.
Feet above me; hands in the air.
You got me falling over and over.
You got me twisted, tied up and tangled.
I do it all for you.
You know I've been a fool for you.
I thought I tripped on a shoelace; I look down and it's only you.

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.
“Ah, Evans, don’t make me hex you,” sad James earnestly.
“Take the curse off him, then!”

[x] The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now: this is who I really am inside
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM

Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down

He watched as Lily joined the group and went to Snape's defense. Distantly he heard Snape shout at her in his humiliation and his fury, the unforgivable word: "Mudblood."

[x] Bittersweet - Within Tempation
If I tell you
Will you listen?
Will you stay?
Will you be here forever?
Never go away?

Never thought things would change
Hold me tight
Please don't say again
That you have to go

A bitter thought
I had it all
But I just let it go
Oh, this silence
It's so violent
Since your`re gone

All my thoughts are with you forever
Until the day we'll be back together
I will be waiting for you

"I'm sorry."
"I'm not interested."
"I'm sorry!"
"Save your breath."

[x] Numb - Amanda Ghost
I'm falling down
Can't see the truth
I know the hell that you've been through
I'm falling out of love with you
And I'll find defenses
I'll try to care less
Won't someone help me feel numb?

“I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.”
“No - listen, I didn’t mean -”
“--To call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”

[x] Good Enough - Evanescence
Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
Crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

“Hide them all, then,” he croaked. “Keep her - them - safe. Please.”

[x] Photographic Memory - Emilie Autumn
You're not so far away
Your sitting in the space between the night and day
And so I'll wait for the sound of your footsteps
The tea that's brewed too strong
The part of me that's waited patiently for oh so long
At least I try
But I'm relying
On my photographic memory
While painfully realizing
It's not all that it's cracked up to be
And falling's just another way to fly
I wonder why it's never easier than
The first time

“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evan’s eyes, I am sure?”
“DON’T!” bellowed Severus.

[x] Trois Vierges - Epica feat. Roy Kahn
Memory, fading out
Its presence still lingers in my mind
Listen to your inner voice
There's no escape, there's no other choice

A foolish fate that ame about
Death could not leave without
Don't try to scour your inane soul
It would be labour lost

Deep inside hides a lie
Where can we try to seek
A way so this will die

Innocence died when they took his mind
And they tried to leave him behind
Not even a cascade of tears will save you
And keep you away from harm

Concinnity of destiny
Is not what you wished it to be

Blinded by love
Between lust and hate
You scarred your fate
There’s no time to waste

Ride for your own ruin
Odium became your opium

Please don’t let me bleed for all eternity

Please leave me be in my own misery

“Gone…dead…”
“Is this remorse, Severus?”
”I wish…I wish I were dead…”
“And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly. “If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear.”
Snape seemed to peer through a haze of pain, and Dumbledore’s words appeared to take a long time to reach him.

[x] The Flowers - Regina Spektor
The flowers you gave me are rotting and still I refuse to throw them away.
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
They might so I'm waiting and staying awake.
Things I have loved I'm allowed to keep
I'll never know if I go to sleep.
The papers around me are piling and twisting regina the paper back mummy
what then.
I'm taking the knife to the books that I own and chopping and chopping and boiling soup from stone.
Things I have loved I'm allowed to keep.
I'll never know if I go to sleep.
Things I have loved I'm allowed to keep.
I'll never know if I go to sleep.

"And what will you give me in return, Severus?"
"In -- in return?" Snape gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, "Anything."

[x] Forever - Kamelot
There's a pain within
That I can't define
There's an empty space
Where your love used to shine
From the night we met
Till the day you died
Do you think I wished?
Do you still believe I tried?
All too soon we were divided
And life had just begun

Will you revive
From the chaos in my mind
Where we still are bound together?
Will you be there
Waiting by the gates of dawn
When I close my eyes forever?

"Very well. Very well. But never -- never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear...especially Potter's son...I want your word!"
"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape's ferocious, anguished face. "If you insist..."

[x] Feel For You - Nightwish
You were my first love
The earth moving under me
Bedroom scent, beauty ardent
Distant shiver, heaven sent

I'm the snow on your lips
The freezing taste, the silvery sip
I'm the breath on your hair
The endless nightmare, devil's lair

Only so many times
I can say I long for you
The lily among the thorns
The prey among the wolves

Someday, I will feed a snake
Drink her venom, stay awake
With time all pain will fade
Through your memory I will wade

Barely cold in her grave
Barely warm in my bed
Settling for a draw tonight
Puppet girl, your strings are mine

This one is for you for you
Only for you
Just give in to it never think again
I feel for you

"So the boy...the boy must die?" asked Snape quite calmly.
"And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential."
Another long silence. Then Snape said, "I thought...all these years...that we were protecting him for her. For Lily."

[x] Poison Girl - HIM
I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

A prey she was for the cruelty of love
While its serpent inside crawled straight towards her heart
The coldest kiss love ceased to exist
While we grew apart like never before

“I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to keep Lily Potter’s son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter -”

[x] Ever - Emilie Autumn
Now I could paint your portrait
If I never saw you again
When I am old someone may ask me
If I ever loved
And I will speak but they won't recognize
My words, they'll say I'm telling lies
And maybe I am
Maybe I am
All I know is

You were ever in my mind
You were behind my soul each time
I held it to the flame
You were ever in my precious thoughts
I'd leave a room of angels
Just to be alone
If only to say your name
I never told you I needed you darling
Like a rose needs the rain
How could you possibly know how much
So I reach for your love
Like the moon and the stars
Ever in my sight
Ever out of touch

“But this is touching, Severus,” said Dumbledore seriously. “Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?”
“For him?” Shouted Snape. “Expecto Patronum!”
From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe; She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always.”

[x] Beautiful Goodbye - Amanda Marshall
In these days of no regrets
I keep mine to myself
And all the things we never said
I can say for someone else
And nothing last forever but we always try
And I just can't help but wonder why
We let it pass us by

When I see you now I wonder how
I could've watched you walk away
If I let you down please forgive me now
For that beautiful goodbye

Baby what can I do
Oh to get through to you
And sometimes I cry
It's a fool's lullaby
Sometime's I cry
It's just a fool's lullaby
I'm dying inside
Hey

Tears were dripping from the end of his hooked nose as he read the old letter from Lily. The second page carried only a few words:

could ever been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. I think her mind’s going, personally!
Lots of love,
Lily

Snape took the page bearing Lily’s signature, and her love, and tucked it inside her robes. Then he ripped in two the photograph he was also holding, so that he kept the part from which Lily laughed, throwing the portion showing James and Harry back onto the floor, under the chest of drawers…

[x] Feel - Darren Hayes
I no longer live like a man in the dark
Hiding all the pieces of my broken heart
Way up high I'm holding on
Way up high I'm holding on to you

You teach me to forgive
It feels all right
Compassion for your pain
Compassion for mine
The circle divides

“Look…at…me…” he whispered.
The green eyes found the black, but after a second, something in the depths of the dark pair seemed to vanish, leaving them fixed, blank, and empty. The hand holding Harry thudded to the floor, and Snape moved no more.

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