into the valley of mediocrity ride I...
Well, I did it again. Charged right in looking for Ms. Right (-now), and I came away hurt and bitter. Why the hell don’t I learn the basic facts of women and myself? I have only had one girlfriend that I pursued. The rest came to me. Even my one one-night-stand I’m pretty sure made the first move. I’m a failure at being a “guy”. Is there anyway I can just skip the rest of my twenties and just go straight to 35, which is the age I appear to be anyway. What pisses me off is not my lack of play-its my reactions to it. For a year I have said I don’t want to get involved before I leave the area because I need to minimize the drama in my life. Then a friend of mine, Sarah, points out rather rudely how badly I need to get laid. Which got me thinking of going to a gathering where no one knows me and scoring with a pagan chick for some much needed sexual release (ok, so I wasn’t thinking with my brain). So I go to the gathering in Georgia where I know exactly 2 of the seventy or so people who attend. Hell, the ratio of women to men was about 2 to 1 and most are Faerie Wiccans to boot. Everything said I should make a good showing of myself. I ended up offending the two women I was interested in-and apparently only them, because I got an open invite to camp on the site by the owners whenever I wanted to get away from the city. The first lady I offended I don’t know what exactly I did to offend her, the second -well considering how we met it’s a wonder I am still breathing. I got a rune reading there that wasn’t what I wanted to hear (the rune representing myself was the fertility rune-inverted), but at least I know the reading was real. I figure a psychic is not trying to swindle you if they pull the “gypsy fortune teller reading Larry Talbot” act. So … I am depressed now and have been since the gathering. Everyone goes through troughs as well as crests in their life, this is well known to me-it just feels like I have been beating my head against a wall now for several months-its starting to hurt deeply. Right now I am avoiding all deep meaningful conversations with people at work and just keeping my head down and do my job. One of my bosses, a female just out of high school, asked me if I was married last night-I replied in the negative. She then asked me about a girlfriend, I replied that I couldn’t afford one right now. She snorted and said “that’s every man in the world.” Oh yeah I was voted MVP last night at work meaning at a company picnic next month I can shove a pie in one of my managers’ faces. Wa-hoo. Well I will close off this depressing update with just saying how humbling it is to realize that though I failed at being a guy, I got high marks in being an ass-hole.