1. Did you come her" should be "here for the girls. 2. "I came her" should be "I came here just for you, Beautiful." 3. If she really was there just for the Jazz, she was way overdressed and I think she really came for something else, is acting like a tease, and is afraid to admit it.
Oh, of course she was dressed to tease and please. That's the point. She had the stong enough personality to go out making herself feel strong, and gussied up, just to shoot down the guys she knew would be falling over her, just to show that she doesn't have to fall for the one-liners.
She already knew ahead of time she was dressing herself up in order to attract men at a bar, just to shoot them down. A strong personality doesn't need to bait other people into a trap and shoot them down in order to feel strong. A bully, or someone who derives pleasure by embarrasing others might do that. Or, is she saying the character is insecure and feels she can only attract men by dressing up?, by playing "their" game? Does the character hate men? Perhaps she was rejected by other men and is seeking revenge? Tell us more about this person! Would a Coast Guard guy have done better?
Wow, way to ever analyze the character. She was dressed up so that she felt good about herself. I know when I go out, I always try to look my best. Not to impress anyone, or to be a tease, just simply to feel good about myself. When I know I look good, I'm more confident. And so what if I missed an e here or there? It was late when I typed it and there are such things as typos. The woman wasn't baiting anybody, the point of the story is that a strong, drop dead gorgeous woman can go to a jazz club simply because she enjoys the music. The woman is supposed to be mysterious. That's what makes her so intruiging. Maybe she hates men. Maybe she's been hurt by them in the past. Maybe she's just a "tease" as you say (is there anything wrong with that?). The only thing I will tell you about her is that of course a Coast Guard guy wouldn't have done better. I love this character. I'm contemplating expanding the story.
hmm your story was for the most part well written.
i think that possibly this femme is dressed up because she ran away from her gaspy-like life mid-party, she was holding a cocktail, and she didn't like to be in a room full of millionaires who were just there to gossip and check out eachothers dresses, she had to leave, so she ran to where she saw comfort, in a her favorite past time, jazz. i dunno.
possibly make the story about the man, his life ect. he just got dumped and his friends took him out to cheer up, and he sees this amazing woman from across the room...ect.
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that is strait out of some old audrey hepburn movie :) i love it. especially since she doesn't fall for the cheasy typical male lines.
i really do like it
-nikki
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2. "I came her" should be "I came here just for you, Beautiful."
3. If she really was there just for the Jazz, she was way overdressed and I think she really came for something else, is acting like a tease, and is afraid to admit it.
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Tell us more about this person!
Would a Coast Guard guy have done better?
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The woman wasn't baiting anybody, the point of the story is that a strong, drop dead gorgeous woman can go to a jazz club simply because she enjoys the music. The woman is supposed to be mysterious. That's what makes her so intruiging. Maybe she hates men. Maybe she's been hurt by them in the past. Maybe she's just a "tease" as you say (is there anything wrong with that?). The only thing I will tell you about her is that of course a Coast Guard guy wouldn't have done better.
I love this character. I'm contemplating expanding the story.
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Perhaps she's looking for a man who respects women enough to recognize that she could be more interested in jazz than in pick-up lines.
I like the story. It reminds me of a James Bond movie, just in the aura of sophistication the character exudes.
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Look for the non-stop cheap pick up lines!!!
And the woman's names???
And then they end up in bed with him.
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i think that possibly this femme is dressed up because she ran away from her gaspy-like life mid-party, she was holding a cocktail, and she didn't like to be in a room full of millionaires who were just there to gossip and check out eachothers dresses, she had to leave, so she ran to where she saw comfort, in a her favorite past time, jazz. i dunno.
possibly make the story about the man, his life ect. he just got dumped and his friends took him out to cheer up, and he sees this amazing woman from across the room...ect.
hmm thats all i have to say for now about it.
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