Hi
So....kind of down today.
Of course I am, I'm posting, which usually only happens when I'm down or feeling super manic-productive.
Anyhow, I'm just feeling lonely today. It seems like I'm always left behind now. So many huge changes are coming and I don't feel ready. Amusingly enough, the change that should terrify me is the only one I'm really excited about.
The worst part about feeling lonely, is that if you had someone around to talk to, you wouldn't feel so alone - and yes, I know I have friends who would gladly lend an ear but it's just different when it has to be found, you know?
I don't know. I think I'm just being a baby.
Well, let's just get it out, shall we?
I'm pregnant. This doesn't scare me at all. This is AWESOME and fills me with constant excitement and elation. This is fantastic and I can't wait to hold my little pumpkin. However, since I've become pregnant, most of my see-every-day type friends have kind of left me behind. Going out to bars at 10:30 at night isn't exactly something I'm interested in doing. Add that to Ryan working constantly, and I start to feel out in the cold a bit. Not to mention my best friend has completely dropped me in order to drink in bars 3 times a week, and we now see each other, maybe, once a week for about an hour. With her new party friends, of course. I also work with her, but that really doesn't count. Which brings me to my next point...
I just quit my job because I was offered one with better pay. Now, this sounds like a good thing, and I suppose it is, but it's terrifying me. I like my current job. I'm good at it. However, this other job is a 60% pay increase. Did I mention I'm pregnant? This is a no brainer. I've just never left a job I liked before. I've also never left a job after only being there for 4 months. I feel like I've tricked them in some way. That I forced them to waste money and hours training me so that I could move on to better things. Also, the job I'm going to is police dispatch and answering 911 calls. Literally. It's going to be very high stress and it's going to be intense. Also, I hear my coworkers are....brusque might be the polite word. Insanely bitchy has been used as well. Regardless, it's done, and I'll be making enough to put a ton away for a nice long maternity leave.
Next point - within the month, Ryan and I are moving. We need a bigger apartment, and Nick's parents are giving us a great deal on their downstairs. It's 3 bedrooms, huge kitchen, huge bathroom, large living room, dining room and it's less rent than our current place. We have to start paying for a few more utilities, which will make it more than our current apt, but still....that's insane. I'm really excited about it. However (of course there's a however), it's in a TERRIBLE neighborhood - and for those of you who have seen where I live now, you must be truly afraid. It's also still full of stuff the old tenants need to move out. So, after they get their stuff out, we have to go in, fix it up (there's some basic work that needs to be done) and move over. All hopefully before the snow starts in. And I can't do half of the work in the apt. I can't do any scraping or vacuuming where I could inhale paint or plaster or anything. I need to believe that my friends/family/husband will do it....which I shouldn't be so type A about, I should just be glad that people are saying they're willing to help and believe that they will be there when I need them. I'm just so afraid it's going to be one of those things that I'm waiting forever for someone to do and I literally can't just go and do it.
It's so much to think about, and so much needs to be done. I am getting overwhelmed with everything. I just need to get things finished, then bask in my huge preggo-ness - which I'm SO excited for. I can't wait to be a house.
Ok, I'm going to wrap it up now. Love to everyone and if you've made it this far, thanks :-)
Of course I am, I'm posting, which usually only happens when I'm down or feeling super manic-productive.
Anyhow, I'm just feeling lonely today. It seems like I'm always left behind now. So many huge changes are coming and I don't feel ready. Amusingly enough, the change that should terrify me is the only one I'm really excited about.
The worst part about feeling lonely, is that if you had someone around to talk to, you wouldn't feel so alone - and yes, I know I have friends who would gladly lend an ear but it's just different when it has to be found, you know?
I don't know. I think I'm just being a baby.
Well, let's just get it out, shall we?
I'm pregnant. This doesn't scare me at all. This is AWESOME and fills me with constant excitement and elation. This is fantastic and I can't wait to hold my little pumpkin. However, since I've become pregnant, most of my see-every-day type friends have kind of left me behind. Going out to bars at 10:30 at night isn't exactly something I'm interested in doing. Add that to Ryan working constantly, and I start to feel out in the cold a bit. Not to mention my best friend has completely dropped me in order to drink in bars 3 times a week, and we now see each other, maybe, once a week for about an hour. With her new party friends, of course. I also work with her, but that really doesn't count. Which brings me to my next point...
I just quit my job because I was offered one with better pay. Now, this sounds like a good thing, and I suppose it is, but it's terrifying me. I like my current job. I'm good at it. However, this other job is a 60% pay increase. Did I mention I'm pregnant? This is a no brainer. I've just never left a job I liked before. I've also never left a job after only being there for 4 months. I feel like I've tricked them in some way. That I forced them to waste money and hours training me so that I could move on to better things. Also, the job I'm going to is police dispatch and answering 911 calls. Literally. It's going to be very high stress and it's going to be intense. Also, I hear my coworkers are....brusque might be the polite word. Insanely bitchy has been used as well. Regardless, it's done, and I'll be making enough to put a ton away for a nice long maternity leave.
Next point - within the month, Ryan and I are moving. We need a bigger apartment, and Nick's parents are giving us a great deal on their downstairs. It's 3 bedrooms, huge kitchen, huge bathroom, large living room, dining room and it's less rent than our current place. We have to start paying for a few more utilities, which will make it more than our current apt, but still....that's insane. I'm really excited about it. However (of course there's a however), it's in a TERRIBLE neighborhood - and for those of you who have seen where I live now, you must be truly afraid. It's also still full of stuff the old tenants need to move out. So, after they get their stuff out, we have to go in, fix it up (there's some basic work that needs to be done) and move over. All hopefully before the snow starts in. And I can't do half of the work in the apt. I can't do any scraping or vacuuming where I could inhale paint or plaster or anything. I need to believe that my friends/family/husband will do it....which I shouldn't be so type A about, I should just be glad that people are saying they're willing to help and believe that they will be there when I need them. I'm just so afraid it's going to be one of those things that I'm waiting forever for someone to do and I literally can't just go and do it.
It's so much to think about, and so much needs to be done. I am getting overwhelmed with everything. I just need to get things finished, then bask in my huge preggo-ness - which I'm SO excited for. I can't wait to be a house.
Ok, I'm going to wrap it up now. Love to everyone and if you've made it this far, thanks :-)