(no subject)
I really hate this academy. I no longer give a fuck if they send me back.
Private
I didn't come back at all last night. I just laid there all night, staring at the trees, seeing it all get dark around me. It does get really fucking cold in that park at night. Might get sick from that, but at this point, I don't much care.
This is the biggest thing I've fucked up in my life. I don't think I could have screwed up more. That's like me though, isn't it? It's wonderful having to pretend I don't care. Pretend I'm me. Feh...
I don't think I can handle seeing him... But at the same time, I don't want to be sent back. I wish there was some way to remedy this, but there isn't. I'm an asshole. I don't care about people. I don't do things like that. Fuck the world, right?
I'll see my teachers when classes aren't going on. They'll be pissed at me for doing that, but I don't fucking care. It'd be best if I fell off the goddamn face of the earth for him.
If this is what love is, I don't want it. I don't want to feel a moment's more of this. I want to kill my emotions from the inside-out. Please tell me this goes away quickly? Even if it's a lie... I want someone to tell me.
I am the most fucking useless human on the face of this earth.
Why did I ever kiss him in the first place?
This was all my fault. I have to... get him to truly hate me. Forget that he ever loved me. That's the best thing to do. Though, he probably does already hate me. I have to secure it. I do. I just don't know how.
...My pack of cigarettes has been sitting on my nightstand since I got home this morning.
Private
I didn't come back at all last night. I just laid there all night, staring at the trees, seeing it all get dark around me. It does get really fucking cold in that park at night. Might get sick from that, but at this point, I don't much care.
This is the biggest thing I've fucked up in my life. I don't think I could have screwed up more. That's like me though, isn't it? It's wonderful having to pretend I don't care. Pretend I'm me. Feh...
I don't think I can handle seeing him... But at the same time, I don't want to be sent back. I wish there was some way to remedy this, but there isn't. I'm an asshole. I don't care about people. I don't do things like that. Fuck the world, right?
I'll see my teachers when classes aren't going on. They'll be pissed at me for doing that, but I don't fucking care. It'd be best if I fell off the goddamn face of the earth for him.
If this is what love is, I don't want it. I don't want to feel a moment's more of this. I want to kill my emotions from the inside-out. Please tell me this goes away quickly? Even if it's a lie... I want someone to tell me.
I am the most fucking useless human on the face of this earth.
Why did I ever kiss him in the first place?
This was all my fault. I have to... get him to truly hate me. Forget that he ever loved me. That's the best thing to do. Though, he probably does already hate me. I have to secure it. I do. I just don't know how.
...My pack of cigarettes has been sitting on my nightstand since I got home this morning.