I don't wanna sing with boys
My all-female a capella singing group is talking about maybe going co-ed.
I joined this group in 2000, and with the exception of a long hiatus a few years ago, I've been singing with them ever since. And it's always been all women.
Last September we gave a concert and a guy who came to hear us asked the director if he could join. So the director asked us how we felt about it and we agreed that he could join provisionally, so we could all see what it's like. He's been with us for several months now (and yes, he's been very sporting about putting up with the "provisional" membership for all this time), until finally, last night, the women of the group got together to discuss how we felt about him joining permanently. There are 5 women in the group.
I've given it a good shot, but the truth is, I don't enjoy having him there. I have always loved having an all-woman chorus, and I don't want that to change. I haven't looked forward to rehearsals the way I used to before he joined us. It makes a big difference to me.
One other woman in the group also values the women-only space, but is not quite as closed to the idea of him joining as I am. However, she has been very supportive of me, which is quite valuable to me because I'm the only one who really doesn't want him to join.
Two others don't have strong feelings either way. They think he's nice, and his singing is so-so, and they'd be open to having him join, but would also be fine with it if he didn't.
The director is the only one who would really like him to join. However, we're a fairly democratic group when it comes to this sort of decision. She calls the shots about the music, but for social or other non-musical issues, we make decisions together.
It's hard for me to put into words exactly why this is so important to me, but people who get it get it. Those who don't get it will have to continue not getting it, because I can't really explain it. I don't hate men. But I don't relate to them all that well, either, and tend not to enjoy being really personal around them. I usually feel more relaxed in all-female groups.
And it's not like I think "all men are jerks and all women are perfect." I hate that, when you tell some clueless person why you value women-only space, and they say, "Well, I've known some women who were horrible and some men who are nice." Duh! So have I. That doesn't change my feeling. There have been plenty of women who I can't stand, and some of them have even been members of this very singing group. (Happily, that is not the case right now.) And of course there are some great guys, too. This isn't about that. I just don't enjoy having men in my personal space, and that is what this group feels like to me. It's a small group, I'm good friends with some of them, and we've been together a long time. It's not some huge, 50-person chorus with an autocratic director who's all business. It feels to me more like a group of friends who sing together. I'd like to keep it feeling like a personal space, which to me means it's all women.
Just wondering what others' thoughts are on this. I don't have to make any decisions - I've already had my say, and I know where I stand, so I'm not asking for advice. I sure could appreciate some support for standing my ground, though.
I joined this group in 2000, and with the exception of a long hiatus a few years ago, I've been singing with them ever since. And it's always been all women.
Last September we gave a concert and a guy who came to hear us asked the director if he could join. So the director asked us how we felt about it and we agreed that he could join provisionally, so we could all see what it's like. He's been with us for several months now (and yes, he's been very sporting about putting up with the "provisional" membership for all this time), until finally, last night, the women of the group got together to discuss how we felt about him joining permanently. There are 5 women in the group.
I've given it a good shot, but the truth is, I don't enjoy having him there. I have always loved having an all-woman chorus, and I don't want that to change. I haven't looked forward to rehearsals the way I used to before he joined us. It makes a big difference to me.
One other woman in the group also values the women-only space, but is not quite as closed to the idea of him joining as I am. However, she has been very supportive of me, which is quite valuable to me because I'm the only one who really doesn't want him to join.
Two others don't have strong feelings either way. They think he's nice, and his singing is so-so, and they'd be open to having him join, but would also be fine with it if he didn't.
The director is the only one who would really like him to join. However, we're a fairly democratic group when it comes to this sort of decision. She calls the shots about the music, but for social or other non-musical issues, we make decisions together.
It's hard for me to put into words exactly why this is so important to me, but people who get it get it. Those who don't get it will have to continue not getting it, because I can't really explain it. I don't hate men. But I don't relate to them all that well, either, and tend not to enjoy being really personal around them. I usually feel more relaxed in all-female groups.
And it's not like I think "all men are jerks and all women are perfect." I hate that, when you tell some clueless person why you value women-only space, and they say, "Well, I've known some women who were horrible and some men who are nice." Duh! So have I. That doesn't change my feeling. There have been plenty of women who I can't stand, and some of them have even been members of this very singing group. (Happily, that is not the case right now.) And of course there are some great guys, too. This isn't about that. I just don't enjoy having men in my personal space, and that is what this group feels like to me. It's a small group, I'm good friends with some of them, and we've been together a long time. It's not some huge, 50-person chorus with an autocratic director who's all business. It feels to me more like a group of friends who sing together. I'd like to keep it feeling like a personal space, which to me means it's all women.
Just wondering what others' thoughts are on this. I don't have to make any decisions - I've already had my say, and I know where I stand, so I'm not asking for advice. I sure could appreciate some support for standing my ground, though.