(no subject)
April! Often the second stage of the early summer assault, this month is light on blockbusters, but there’s one monster topping the list, a few likely hits, and several stinkers. Let’s get crackalackin’
1.
KICK-ASS- Apr 16. This has screened a few times, and the word is rapturous. It’s based on a great comic, telling the tale of a young man who decides to become a super-hero despite his complete lack of skill and ability. Several associates are in play, including the soon-to-be-legendary Hit Girl, a 10 year old killing machine. Matthew Vaughn (LAYER CAKE, STARDUST) directs to perfection. I’m super excited for this one. A must-see.
2. THE LOSERS - Apr 23. Another comic book translation, this features a mercenary team who are betrayed by the CIA and are out for revenge. It’s got a fun vibe and promises lots of great action. Zoe Saldana (STAR TREK, AVATAR) and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Comedian in WATCHMEN) lead this group of, well, ass-kickers. It’s a shame it’s opening so close to KICK-ASS, but hopefully they’ll both succeed.
3. CLASH OF THE TITANS - Apr 2, 3D. For the first time, I can honestly say DO NOT SEE THE 3D VERSION. Every review has blasted the 3D conversion as headache-inducing and that it actually ruins the experience. Unfortunately, they don’t think the film itself is very good either, most claim it’s a missed opportunity. Regardless, the Kraken gets released, and that’s all we really want, right?
4. DATE NIGHT - Apr 9. Tina Fey and Steve Carrell are a bored married couple who get caught up in wackiness. These are two titans of comedy, so hopefully it’ll be a fun ride. Unfortunately, it’s directed by Shawn Levy (NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM) and written by the guy credited with SHREK 3, so it will probably be inoffensive and bland as hell. But we can hope the talent shines through.
5. THE RUNAWAYS - Out now, wide Apr 16. I guess this should have been on last month’s list, but I didn’t think it was coming out until April, so nyeah. Kristen Stewart (PANIC ROOM, ADVENTURELAND, and, uh, that’s all) is Joan Jett, but the story really revolves around Cherie Curie, played by Dakota Fanning, who is in full-on jailbait mode here. Word’s pretty ‘meh’ on it, but it should make a good rental. Plus, they totally make out.
6. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET - Apr 30. I’m not gonna lie to you, the quality on this list starts dropping right about here. I’m not super excited about this remake, but I do love me some Jackie Earle Hayley (Rorschach in WATCHMEN). It’s darker than the original series, and hopefully it’ll be a decent thrill ride. But I doubt it, since it’s the same company that’s been remaking all the classic horror films. The dude who played John Connor in TERMINATOR: SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES is hoping to be this version’s Johnny Depp.
7. OCEANS - Apr 23. Disney’s followup to last year’s EARTH, it’s still just recycled footage from BBC’s incredible PLANET EARTH and LIFE. It might be worth checking out on the big screen regardless. Can’t wait for next year’s NEW YORK SEWERS edition.
8. DEATH AT A FUNERAL - Apr 16. On the surface, this is another Black comedy, but starring Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, and Luke Wilson. Luke Wilson? Yep, Luke Wilson. Bear with me for a moment. This is a remake of Frank Oz’s film of the same name which came out three years ago, set in Britain, it’s been transplanted to the US with a black cast, but they kept Peter Dinklage playing a gay dwarf. And it’s directed by... Neil Labute? The man whose directorial debut was the amazing IN THE COMPANY OF MEN, followed by the challenging YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, and the stunningly/intentionally bad remake of THE WICKER MAN? I’m pretty sure he’s gone completely insane. I just don’t know.
9. THE BACK-UP PLAN - Apr 23. Jennifer Lopez has decided she’s ready for a baby, with or without a man in her life. So she gets comically artificially inseminated, and whammo, she meets Mr. Perfect. What better way to scare off the man of your dreams than by telling him you’re preggers? This could have been a great independent film with a challenging script and a fresh young cast, instead it’s Another Hollywood Romantic Comedy. The director was a producer on SIX FEET UNDER, so there’s a chance of quality, but all the writer’s credits are sitcoms, and Ms. Lopez’ attachment guarantees bland mediocrity.
10. THE LAST SONG - Apr 2. Miley Cyrus stars in the second Nicholas Sparks creation of the year, following DEAR JOHN. Miley’s dad (Greg Kinnear) is a songwriter who’s dying and wants to write one last song. Miley’s character isn’t a singer in this one, but she’s probably going to be discovered at some point in the movie. The family spends the summer at the beach where she meets the Perfect Boy, sends him away, only to regret the decision later. I wonder if they get back together? I wonder if she’ll bond with her dying father? I wonder what it would take to get me to see this movie?
11. TYLER PERRY’S WHY DID I GET MARRIED TOO? - Apr 2. Not only is this a sequel, he actually gets one of the characters to say the title in the damned trailer. Three couples spend some time at a beach house (again?) and question their happiness. Janet Jackson is one of the wives, trying to win an Oscar since she’s running the awards checklist in the trailer. Oh, and the trailer promises “One of these couples won’t make it!” Place your bets! Perry’s not in drag here for some reason. I’m sure lessons will be learned without anything being resolved, as usual. And it’ll make $30 mil this weekend.
12. FURRY VENGEANCE - Apr 30. Oh God, if only the title was what you’re thinking it is. There’s a great movie yet to be made with that title, but lord knows this ain’t it. Brendan Fraser continues his descent into madness with this little family nugget. He’s a developer building a suburb in the middle of a forest, so naturally, the animals band together to comically stop him. Poop jokes? Check. Groin shots? Check. Kids that are smarter than the adults? Check. Revelation that the main character will become sympathetic to the cause? Check. Once-promising actor reduced to getting attacked by computer generated animals? Double check. Just say no.
So outside the top two, there’s no full-on recommendations this month, which is pretty disappointing. May? Summer movie season’s official kickoff? Gee, do you think there’ll be some monsters in there? Naaah.
1.
KICK-ASS- Apr 16. This has screened a few times, and the word is rapturous. It’s based on a great comic, telling the tale of a young man who decides to become a super-hero despite his complete lack of skill and ability. Several associates are in play, including the soon-to-be-legendary Hit Girl, a 10 year old killing machine. Matthew Vaughn (LAYER CAKE, STARDUST) directs to perfection. I’m super excited for this one. A must-see.
2. THE LOSERS - Apr 23. Another comic book translation, this features a mercenary team who are betrayed by the CIA and are out for revenge. It’s got a fun vibe and promises lots of great action. Zoe Saldana (STAR TREK, AVATAR) and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Comedian in WATCHMEN) lead this group of, well, ass-kickers. It’s a shame it’s opening so close to KICK-ASS, but hopefully they’ll both succeed.
3. CLASH OF THE TITANS - Apr 2, 3D. For the first time, I can honestly say DO NOT SEE THE 3D VERSION. Every review has blasted the 3D conversion as headache-inducing and that it actually ruins the experience. Unfortunately, they don’t think the film itself is very good either, most claim it’s a missed opportunity. Regardless, the Kraken gets released, and that’s all we really want, right?
4. DATE NIGHT - Apr 9. Tina Fey and Steve Carrell are a bored married couple who get caught up in wackiness. These are two titans of comedy, so hopefully it’ll be a fun ride. Unfortunately, it’s directed by Shawn Levy (NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM) and written by the guy credited with SHREK 3, so it will probably be inoffensive and bland as hell. But we can hope the talent shines through.
5. THE RUNAWAYS - Out now, wide Apr 16. I guess this should have been on last month’s list, but I didn’t think it was coming out until April, so nyeah. Kristen Stewart (PANIC ROOM, ADVENTURELAND, and, uh, that’s all) is Joan Jett, but the story really revolves around Cherie Curie, played by Dakota Fanning, who is in full-on jailbait mode here. Word’s pretty ‘meh’ on it, but it should make a good rental. Plus, they totally make out.
6. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET - Apr 30. I’m not gonna lie to you, the quality on this list starts dropping right about here. I’m not super excited about this remake, but I do love me some Jackie Earle Hayley (Rorschach in WATCHMEN). It’s darker than the original series, and hopefully it’ll be a decent thrill ride. But I doubt it, since it’s the same company that’s been remaking all the classic horror films. The dude who played John Connor in TERMINATOR: SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES is hoping to be this version’s Johnny Depp.
7. OCEANS - Apr 23. Disney’s followup to last year’s EARTH, it’s still just recycled footage from BBC’s incredible PLANET EARTH and LIFE. It might be worth checking out on the big screen regardless. Can’t wait for next year’s NEW YORK SEWERS edition.
8. DEATH AT A FUNERAL - Apr 16. On the surface, this is another Black comedy, but starring Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, and Luke Wilson. Luke Wilson? Yep, Luke Wilson. Bear with me for a moment. This is a remake of Frank Oz’s film of the same name which came out three years ago, set in Britain, it’s been transplanted to the US with a black cast, but they kept Peter Dinklage playing a gay dwarf. And it’s directed by... Neil Labute? The man whose directorial debut was the amazing IN THE COMPANY OF MEN, followed by the challenging YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, and the stunningly/intentionally bad remake of THE WICKER MAN? I’m pretty sure he’s gone completely insane. I just don’t know.
9. THE BACK-UP PLAN - Apr 23. Jennifer Lopez has decided she’s ready for a baby, with or without a man in her life. So she gets comically artificially inseminated, and whammo, she meets Mr. Perfect. What better way to scare off the man of your dreams than by telling him you’re preggers? This could have been a great independent film with a challenging script and a fresh young cast, instead it’s Another Hollywood Romantic Comedy. The director was a producer on SIX FEET UNDER, so there’s a chance of quality, but all the writer’s credits are sitcoms, and Ms. Lopez’ attachment guarantees bland mediocrity.
10. THE LAST SONG - Apr 2. Miley Cyrus stars in the second Nicholas Sparks creation of the year, following DEAR JOHN. Miley’s dad (Greg Kinnear) is a songwriter who’s dying and wants to write one last song. Miley’s character isn’t a singer in this one, but she’s probably going to be discovered at some point in the movie. The family spends the summer at the beach where she meets the Perfect Boy, sends him away, only to regret the decision later. I wonder if they get back together? I wonder if she’ll bond with her dying father? I wonder what it would take to get me to see this movie?
11. TYLER PERRY’S WHY DID I GET MARRIED TOO? - Apr 2. Not only is this a sequel, he actually gets one of the characters to say the title in the damned trailer. Three couples spend some time at a beach house (again?) and question their happiness. Janet Jackson is one of the wives, trying to win an Oscar since she’s running the awards checklist in the trailer. Oh, and the trailer promises “One of these couples won’t make it!” Place your bets! Perry’s not in drag here for some reason. I’m sure lessons will be learned without anything being resolved, as usual. And it’ll make $30 mil this weekend.
12. FURRY VENGEANCE - Apr 30. Oh God, if only the title was what you’re thinking it is. There’s a great movie yet to be made with that title, but lord knows this ain’t it. Brendan Fraser continues his descent into madness with this little family nugget. He’s a developer building a suburb in the middle of a forest, so naturally, the animals band together to comically stop him. Poop jokes? Check. Groin shots? Check. Kids that are smarter than the adults? Check. Revelation that the main character will become sympathetic to the cause? Check. Once-promising actor reduced to getting attacked by computer generated animals? Double check. Just say no.
So outside the top two, there’s no full-on recommendations this month, which is pretty disappointing. May? Summer movie season’s official kickoff? Gee, do you think there’ll be some monsters in there? Naaah.