Fic: Laying The Bait (Brendon/Cash, Singer/Shane)
Title: Laying The Bait
Author: battie_hattie
Rating: NC-17, ~9,000 words.
Pairing: Brendon/Cash, Singer/Shane
POV: Third
Summary: So, ever since Singer started dating Shane, Cash has started noticing certain changes, and it gets Cash starts to wonder why, since really, Google wasn't much help. (OK, honestly this started out as a lol-fic while talking to tanisafan... “Wouldn't it be funny if Cash became obsessed with semen as a protein source, which is mostly his fail!cover for maybe liking Brendon?”)
Disclaimer: Not even.
Author Notes: Set in the Flying Verse after Flying With No Place To Land, though this could be read apart from it. Many thanks to tanisafan and sneaky_sena
Cash has never been on to think of himself as inadequate. Yeah, he knows that he's not like, Fabio-hot, or whatever. Though, he's never really thought of Fabio as hot, but still. He doesn't have that body. And neither did Singer, despite his years of playing basketball. Singer was always just, Singer. The skinny kid in girl jeans that he called his best friend.
But then, things started to change, and it got Cash thinking. Cash doesn't eat meat, and he doesn't want to, but Singer's been, well, he's been bulking up. And Google told Cash that semen has a lot of protein in it. And maybe, maybe that's what's making Singer look so good.
“Singer,” Cash says, “I've noticed something about you lately.”
Alex looks up from the magazine he's reading. “What's that?”
“You're looking, you know, good.” It's a little bit of a weird thing to be saying to your best friend on a random Tuesday when they've done absolutely nothing different with themselves, but Alex has been looking good. More toned, defined. Less likely to be mistaken for a girl with no breasts.
“It's the love, dude, I'm so in love. It glows off of me.” He makes big hand movements as if to encompass the area of the supposed love glow.
Cash pushes him and then sits next to him. “God, be more of a girl. Seriously.”
“Shane said he loved me too. When I said it during sex again. He said it back.”
Cash smiles because even though he maybe thinks that Alex is a lovesick fool, he's happy that his friend is so happy. “Good,” he says, rubbing Alex's knee. “One day you should say it not during sex.”
“He said it in the morning too. When I was doing my hair.”
Cash resists the urge to roll his eyes. “I'm not going to your big gay wedding.”
“Nevada doesn't allow that. And if they ever do, you're my best man and you're going to be there, douchetard.”
“Fine.” He shoves at Alex's shoulder. “I'm happy for you. You could be less girly about it, though.”
“Jealous.”
“Whatever. I have an honest question for you.”
“Shoot.”
“Is all the come you've been sucking down making you more ripped?”
Alex's mouth drops open and Cash wants to laugh. But it's an honest question. “Singer, come on. You've been bulking up lately, and I want to know if it has to do with all the gay sex you're having.”
“Love Making,” Alex corrects, and Cash can hear the capitalization. “And yes, all the love making I've been doing has helped my physique.”
It took Cash three months, but he's finally gotten used to the fact that when Alex talks about fucking Shane, he insists on calling it love making, the same way he insists on calling Shane either his lover or his boyfriend, depending on his mood and the situation. “Do you think it's all the protein in Shane's jizz?”
Alex shrugs. “I don't know. That's a weird question.” He leans back into the couch and turns on Clean House and Cash knows better than to ask questions during Clean House.
…
“Seriously,” Cash says, following Johnson down the hall. “You should let me suck your dick. It's not gay for you, it's only gay for the sucker, so you're totally safe.”
Johnson turns. “I'm not worried about the gay, Cash. I just really, really don't want to have you sucking my dick.”
“Come on,” Cash whines.
“No, and if you ask again, I'm punching you in the face.”
“Please?”
…
Cash doesn't know if the whole adage about cold steak on a black eye is actually true, but it does feel good, so he keeps doing it. He doesn't think about how it's dead cow, because Brendon was going to eat it. Or, rather, he was probably going to eat it before Cash stuck it on his face.
“Why did he punch you?” Brendon asks as he returns with a plate of nachos. Mostly, it's just cheddar cheese melted over tortilla chips with a big dollop of sour cream and salsa in the middle.
“I asked to suck his dick too many times.”
“Ah, yeah, Ryan punched me once for that. And by that, I mean smacked. Sort of.” Brendon takes a chip and crunches it loudly. “He really punched you?”
“No, I gave myself a black eye.”
“Dude, you're pretty stupid for going to Johnson. Why did you pick him?”
“He was there,” Cash says, taking a chip for himself. It had seemed logical at the time. In retrospect, it was pretty much the worst idea he'd had since he'd tried to fuck a pineapple. Citric acid was not a friend.
“I'm here.” Brendon shrugs his arms open and loosely points toward his dick.
Cash looks at him. “Dude, really? You know, for the protein.” Clearly, he should have started by thinking outside of his own band. This was much better. None of that bullshit that could come back to bite him in the ass, since Brendon was in a different band. Obviously that was why Brendon should have been his choice from the start. Plus, they're friends. And friends help friends.
“Clearly. Because, you know, you've got the protein I was going to make for dinner on your face. And since you don't eat meat, I've got nothing else for you, really.”
“But come,” Cash says easily. “Clearly I should suck your dick, or I'll be nutritionally unbalanced.”
“Uh huh,” Brendon says, nodding.
Cash slaps down the meat on the empty side of the nacho plate and smiles at the way Brendon's mouth has gone slack. “You gonna whip it out? I'm giving the blowjob, you should at least do a little of the work.”
“Yeah,” Brendon says, quickly unzipping his pants. “Sorry. I just, you know, distracted. Dylan, go play.”
Dylan quirks her head but then scampers off into another room.
“Dude, nice pubes,” Cash says.
“Shane actually helped with that. He's kind of a pubic hair genius.”
Cash nods. “Yeah, I saw Singer the other day and it was nice.” Cash blinks. “I can't believe I noticed my best friends pubes. Whatev,” he says before taking Brendon in his mouth.
“Hey, wait,” Brendon says, pulling Cash away a little bit. “What's little Singer's situation? I've seen Shane's, but I've never managed to sneak a peak at Singer's.”
“That kid is a surprisingly hairy motherfucker,” Cash says conversationally while jerking Brendon off. “Well, he used to be, at least. Seems Shane likes to keep him in a sort of mustache like look. The whole triangle forest thing is gone and it's just like a nice little, hi, I'm still a dude, but I'm pretty smooth. I think Shane does it for him.”
“Next time I see him, I'm going to suggest he give up filmmaking and go to pubic hair art school or something.” He moans when Cash swipes his thumb over to the head of his cock. “Feel free to go back to sucking my dick whenever you want.”
“Yeah, and remember, I don't deepthroat.”
When Brendon comes, Cash tries to suck it all down, but he ends up spitting a little of it back up onto the side of the couch. “Whoops,” he says.
“Not the first time this couch has gotten come on it,” Brendon says breathlessly. “I'd say don't tell Shane, but I'm 98% sure that he fucked Singer on it last week.”
“No talking about Singer while I've got a boner.” He flops out on the couch next to Brendon and rubs at his cock. “I think I'm about to leak through my jeans.” He wipes at his mouth. “Also, that wasn't nearly as gross as I thought it would be.”
Brendon leans his head on Cash's shoulder and slides Cash's fly open. “What are your feelings about making out while getting a hand job?”
“Pretty good, actually,” Cash says, tipping his head in for a kiss. It's not any weirder kissing Brendon than any girl he's made out with in the last few months. Except the bit of stubble and the way he can feel the callouses on Brendon's hand around his dick.
Cash dips his own hand down below Brendon's to pull at his balls before his breath hitches. “Brendon,” he warns weakly before he comes.
Brendon catches it by cupping his hand and then he holds it up to Cash's mouth. “Protein,” he says.
Cash thinks he's going to protest, but he finds himself licking at the pool in Brendon's hand until it's gone and then cleaning each one of his fingers.
“Dude, that was so fucking slutty! I didn't think you were actually going to do it!” Brendon exclaims.
Cash shoves at him and tucks himself away. “You'd better not tell anyone about this. This is... a dietary need, got it?”
“Whatever, dude,” Brendon says, crawling over to lay down on Cash. “What?” he says when Cash stares at him, “we're cuddling and you're dealing.”
…
When Cash wakes up an hour later, Alex is sitting on the floor with Dylan, staring up a Cash. “Dude,” he whispers, petting the little dog on his lap, “you broke my boyfriend.”
Cash yawns. “What the hell are you talking about?” He tries to stretch, but there's a heavy weight on his chest. Brendon. Dammit.
“Do you think that your come doesn't somehow smell like come? Also, Dylan was licking a stain off the couch that Shane knew wasn't made by us, so, yeah, you broke him.”
“You're not supposed to know about this,” Cash says as Brendon snuffles against his chest. “I just.”
“Please don't tell me that this is about the whole wondering if love making.”
“Fucking!” Cash says loudly and Brendon rolls off of him and onto the floor.
Shane storms into the room. “Brendon Boyd Urie, why was our dog licking come off the couch?”
“Baby,” Alex starts, “the vein in your forehead.”
“Alex,” Shane says slowly, “I don't want to yell at you, but I will. So, I'm just wondering if you could go to the store and get some kidney beans. I forgot to get them. And if you could take Cash, that'd be so very awesome.”
“Cash, come on,” Alex says, pulling on him.
“But,” Cash starts, but Alex cuts him off. “Now, please, Cash,” Alex pleads and Cash can't say no to that face.
…
“It wasn't come,” Brendon starts as soon as Cash and Alex have left.
“Don't lie to me.”
“OK. It was. But it was for dietary reason. Cash was low on protein, so he sucked me off. And he spilt some of it on the couch.”
Shane rolls his eyes and picks up the plate of half eaten nachos and slab of raw meat. “Dude,” he says as he starts to laugh, “our dog is a whore. There's a fucking big ass steak right at puppy level, and she's licking jizz.”
“My come is the tastiest of all comes.”
Shane rolls his eyes again. “No sex on joint furniture. You know the rule.”
“Says the man that fucked Alex DeLeon...” Brendon pauses and thinks. “OK, I don't have actual proof but given the way he blushes whenever you get to close to him in the kitchen, I'll say there, and on the dining room table, and on your office desk, though, that is just yours and not ours, so you're clear there, and I really think on this couch last week. And at least once in the hallway.”
“Are you some sort of sexual seer?”
“Dude! The dining room table? I eat there, fucker! My niece eats there.”
“I cleaned it afterwards. All three times. That thing really is the perfect height. Seriously, we put a blanket over it first too, well, not the first time, but whatever, that's not what we're talking about, we're talking about the fact that our little princess was licking up your semen.”
“Maybe she needs a male playmate,” Brendon suggests. “And I'm not following the no sex in joint places if you're not.”
Shane sighs. “I can follow the rules.”
“Yeah, when Singer goes out of town.”
“Which'll be the same time as Cash, so there.”
Brendon shrugs. “Dude, we're not like that. He just wanted to blow me, so I let him. Whatever. Do you really need kidney beans?”
“No, but I can make chili if they get some. Now, I'm going to take Dylan for a walk and you're going to clean out the sex smell. At least I have the common courtesy to do that.”
…
“Did you really blow Brendon?” Alex asks as he backs out the driveway in Shane's car.
“Do you even have your own car still?”
“Nope,” Alex says. “Tina died on me, so Shane and I are sharing because he loves me.”
“Hm,” Cash says. “And yes. For the protein. And because Johnson said no.”
Alex stutters the car to a stop and stares at Cash. “You asked Johnson? What were you thinking?” His voice hitches up in the way that Cash knows Alex's tolerances are reaching their limits.
“Calm down, Alex. We can't have you loosing your voice again.” He waits until Alex's hand stops twitching. “And I couldn't ask Ian, he's still dealing with the whole you fucking his cousin.”
“We're in love, assface,” Alex replies, hands clenching around the steering wheel again.
Cash rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I think asking him to participate in the gay sex with me so soon after having his world shattered would be wrong, and Marshall has a girlfriend.”
“What about me?”
Cash lets out an exasperated sigh. “Shane. And if not Shane, the simple fact of our history. It would be too weird for words. So, Brendon offered. Now please finish pulling out of the driveway, you're hanging out at a weird angle. And yes, I am trying really hard right now not to make a sex joke.”
“If you broke my baby, I'll break your face.”
Cash tries not to laugh, because he knows that Alex is trying really hard to be fierce, even if it comes off more like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum over not getting his favorite cookie.
…
“When Cash and Brendon fall in love, will we double date?” Alex asks as Shane spoons him post coitally.
“I don't think they're in love. I think Cash is confused. And you really can't stop breaking that no Cash talk while we're naked.” He kisses Alex's temple anyway.
“Brendon likes him. He's always throwing himself at Cash.” Alex snuggles down further into Shane's embrace.
“Brendon throws himself at me all the time. And at you, for that matter.”
Alex yawns. “It's different and you know it. And Cash has been asking me all sorts of weird questions.” He turns over to face Shane. “About our love making.”
Shane bites his lip and holds his tongue. “Maybe he's just horny?” His voice hitches at the end because he's trying really hard not to laugh.
“No,” Alex says before kissing Shane. “I think that maybe he's having a gay crisis. Specific to Brendon.”
“He's not the first one.”
“I had a crush on Brendon, you know?”
“I've seen the pictures of you at that first show. I was pretty sure, but you Fueled By Ramen kids with your ambiguous sexuality.”
Alex laughs, open and easy and Shane smiles. “I love you,” Shane says. “Now get on your back, because I'm fucking you again.”
Alex squeals.
…
“They did it twice last night and your friend is a screamer,” Brendon says as he tunes his guitar.
“Thanks for that deeply disturbing information,” Cash replies.
“Seriously,” Brendon says. “I had to jerk off. He should star in porn. Shane doesn't really make any sounds, but Singer, dude.”
“How often do they do it?” Cash asks.
“All the time. All over the place. I'd doubt if Shane even had to stretch him out anymore.”
“Please remember that you're talking about my best friend.”
“Yeah, I know.” Brendon rolls his eyes. “They're in love, whatever, they just have a lot of naked fun.”
“We should do it. You know, the sex. I mean, we're both young, it's like, exploring.”
Brendon laughs. “Maybe for you, but I like sex. Any kind I can get, and if you're offering, I'm totally up for it.”
“Does it hurt?”
Brendon shrugs. “If you do it wrong, yeah, a little. But not really. It feels kind of fucking awesome.”
“We should totally fuck later.” Cash nods emphatically. “I think that's a good choice.”
“Ok,” Brendon says. “But if you turn into Singer and insist on calling it love making, I'm killing you for the good of humanity.”
…
“Singer, my man,” Cash says, running up behind Alex and putting his arm around him. “I have another question.”
“Is it another question like the one about Shane's...” He lowers his voice and looks around. “About Shane's man juice?”
“No you didn't.” Cash stops. He wants to laugh so bad. He can't believe his best friend actually said man juice like a 13 year old girl. He has to stop thinking about it or he's not going to get the information that he needs. “No. And we're not calling it that. But yes, it is another question along that vein.”
Alex rolls his eyes. “Get me a candy bar,” he says, motioning to the vending machine. “Butterfinger. Now.”
“No, dude.”
“Do it or I won't even consider answering your question.”
“Fine,” Cash says, pulling a dollar out of his wallet and putting in the machine. He presses A7 and the candy falls. He hands it to Alex. “Does it hurt?”
“What?” Alex asks, tearing the candy open.
“When Shane sticks his cock in your ass.”
Alex rolls his eyes and starts to storm off.
“Singer. Alex. Come on, wait. It's a really, really serious question.”
Alex stops. “Get me a Coke.”
“This is kind of like prostitution,” Cash says, but he gets Alex a soda anyway. “I told Brendon that I want to do the sex thing, and that means that he's going to put his cock in my ass, and I want to be ready.”
Alex cracks open the top of his Coke. “Shane's got a big. You know. And it feels really good. But he's got to take his time. It's all about the foreplay, because he loves me.”
Cash grits his teeth. He will sit through all the love talk. He will. And he won't mock Alex. Not until later, when he's smoking a bowl with Brendon. “The very first time. Did it hurt?”
“For like a second. Yeah, it's not. You saw me the next day, I walked funny. He feels so good inside me though.”
If he's going to sit through Alex's love talk, he's going for broke. “Have you ever?” He pauses and forces himself to say the words, because if doesn't Alex will storm off. “Have you ever made love to him?”
Alex smiles. “Yeah. He lets me sometimes. When I feel the urge. I like him in me best though, but you know it's all amazing.” Apparently the making love reference really worked because it seems like Alex has dropped all his inhibitions. “You said you liked it when a girl ate your ass, so why don't you start with that?” He pauses. “Shane's got an amazing tongue. Sometimes he opens me up just using his tongue and I come until I black out. And then when I wake up, he's inside me.”
Cash thinks that maybe that's too much information, but he knows Alex. He's got to sit through some of the uncomfortable stuff to get what he wants. “So, you've done that to Shane, right?”
“Yep,” Alex says, munching on his candy bar. “Edible lube really helps, by the way. Fuck, the other night, I came on the sheets going down on Shane. You just go from his hole up to his balls and back again. You gotta hold his hips though, because if you do it right, you can make him come without even touching his cock.” He takes a deep swallow of his Coke. “Right when he starts to tell you he's close, just shove a couple of fingers in there, open him wide and just fuck into him with your mouth like it's the last thing you're going to do in your life.”
Wow. He didn't expect that. “Fuck, you just gave me a fucking boner,” he says, adjusting his cock. “Dude, we gotta go on in like 10 minutes.”
“Give me your hand.”
“Huh?”
“You're asking for help, give me your hand.”
Cash puts his hand up, but then pulls it back when Alex takes it up to his mouth.
“Dude, what the hell?”
“Cash,” Alex says. “It's all about pressure.” He brings Cash's hand up to his mouth and starts tonguing it. “Like that,” he says, dropping Cash's hand.
“Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. I'm not even gonna lie to you right now, I'm going to the supply closet to jerk off.” He shoots Alex an exacerbated look. “I'll see you on stage. Jesus fucking Christ.”
…
The next time Cash sees Alex, he's pressed up against the wall, being held up by Shane's cock. Probably, more likely, by Shane's arms, but Cash just goes with the cock assumption. It's kind of fucking hot, so he watches for a minute before he searches for Brendon.
“Dude, your roommate is fucking my lead singer into the wall,” he says when he finds Brendon.
“What?” Brendon asks, raising to his feet. “Where, be specific. Take me there.”
“Huh?”
“I've been trying to catch those two in the act forever. You're going to show me.”
Cash rolls his eyes. “Fine.”
When they find the spot, Alex and Shane are gone. “Dude, I swear they were right here. Shane had Singer pressed up against the wall.”
“Damn it,” Brendon curses. “You should have taken fucking pictures. I'm never going to get to see Singer naked.”
“Your obsession with seeing my best friend naked is slightly alarming.”
“I've heard them fucking. But I've never seen it. Cash, you have to help me see it.”
“Just say 'love making' to Alex and he'll rim your hand. For serious.”
“Alex rims? I love getting rimmed.”
“Shut up.” Cash smacks at his arm and wonders if he's flirting. Probably not, since they're talking about Alex.
“Dude, I've got wood. Suck my dick?”
“Yeah, you know, I skipped bacon at breakfast, so my protein's low again.”
“Clearly.”
…
“I swear someone was watching us,” Alex says, kissing at Shane's neck.
“Hottest thing we've ever done. I'm fucking you against the wall after every show I can.”
“Making love to me,” Alex corrects, kissing down near Shane's collarbone. “And yes, you will.”
…
“Cash, fuck,” Brendon says as he comes down Cash's throat. “So kinky, doing it in the same spot Singer and Shane did.”
“Whatever,” Cash replies, standing up. “Your turn.”
“Huh? No, I'm too tired.”
“Dude, you're sucking my dick. You're sucking it right now.”
“I'm good, just jerk off.”
Cash shoves at him. “Come on. Seriously, I'll find a way for you to catch Shane fucking Singer. Just suck my dick.”
Brendon drops to his knees. “The things I do for you.”
…
fcking agn is the text Cash gets one afternoon.
Singer & Shane? R they bunnies?
Yes. Thnk Snger just came on the celing.
Did not.
Cum over 4 sex. Get it? Cum. ha.
Maybe.
Cash gets in his car and drives over to Brendon and Shane's anyway. “Are they still going at it?” Cash asks when Brendon answers the door.
There's screaming in the background. “They've been going at it for 40 minutes. How is Singer not dead?”
Cash shrugs. “Breathing practices, I think. Plus, the basketball team. He's got this really intense stamina. Plus, if he's not singing, fucking, or eating, he's sleeping.”
“Dude, help me pick the lock.”
“What?”
Brendon sighs dramatically, in only the way lead singers can, Cash's mind adds. “They fuck with the door locked. Help me pick it.”
“I don't know if I can disrespect Singer like that,” Cash says. “I mean, catching him accidentally in the act is one thing, but actually breaking into their bedroom seems kind of fucked up.”
“Man up, Colligan. The whole point of having a roommate is to spy on their fucking.”
“Dude,” Cash wheedles. “I don't know. Really, Singer calls it making love, and he's just.” Something breaks in the background and it sounds like Alex has his second orgasm since Cash has gotten there. “OK, I'm in.”
“I have a selection, though I totally got this at a shady pawn shop that Ryan loves,” Brendon says, picking up a long instrument. “It's a lock pick. It should work.”
Alex screams again in the background. “He really is like a chick. So, seriously, Shane doesn't make any noise?”
Brendon shrugs. “Every once and a while I hear “I love you baby” or “Yeah keep doing that, sexy,” but that's about it. Otherwise, it's the Singer show in there.” Brendon starts down the hallway. “Although once I heard something that I couldn't quite distinguish, and then Shane walked funny for two days, but he had a smile on his face.”
“Dude, I don't know what to think about this. You know, Singer and I fought over the same girl once? Plus, he's my best friend.”
“Whatever, shut up,” Brendon says dropping to his knees.
“Dude, it's a fucking push lock. I can unlock these with a fucking Q-tip. You just stick it this little hole here.” He grabs the pick from Brendon and pushes it in the hole. “There,” he says as the lock disengages.
Brendon pushes the door handle down slowly and pushes the door open a crack. “Dude, they're doing it doggy style. Shit, that's fucking hot. Damn, I can't see Singer's dick. Oh, wait, Shane. Oh, shit. Busted, bail, dude, bail!” He pushes on Cash darts down the hallway on his hands and knees.
“Brendon, you suck.” He closes his eyes and forces out “enjoy your love making,” before pulling the door closed and running off after Brendon.
“Brendon,” Cash says when he catches up. “What the hell?”
“Pants off, Colligan.” Brendon's already managed to break out condoms and lube from only god knows where. “We're fucking. Right now. Come on.”
…
“I think I have rug burn on my lower back,” Cash says.
“Sorry, baby,” Brendon says, kissing Cash's chest.
“Hey, none of that baby bullshit,” Cash says, pushing Brendon off of him. “My ass hurts.”
“Lemme kiss is better.” He ducks his head, but Cash pushes him away again. “Yeah, not so much. Get me a soda.”
“OK.” Brendon pulls a blanket around his waist and runs to the kitchen. He reaches into the fridge and grabs two cans of Diet Coke out. “Jesus fuck!”
Shane's right behind him, just sort of looming there. “Brendon,” he says.
“Listen, I.”
“Pass me a bottle of water please, Alex's thirsty.”
Brendon grabs the water. “Yeah, so.”
“Thanks,” Shane says, taking the water. “See you later.”
Brendon rushes back to Cash. “Shane's coming to kill me. He's just waiting. He's going to kill me.”
“Shouldn't have interrupted his love making. Oh god, Singer's got me calling it that. Their fucking, you interrupted their dirty, hardcore, anal fucking.”
“Here,” Brendon says, handing Cash a soda. “Drink. And then we flee, since the killing will start.”
“Hey Alex,” Cash says without looking up. It is true what they say, he does have a creepy Singer sense. Brendon jumps.
“How come you did that?” Alex asks.
“Where the fuck did you come from?” Brendon asks.
“Brendon convinced me and you were just. Dude, is sex always that good for you? For serious now.”
Alex nods, and then sips at his water bottle. “I told you that he could do amazing things. I can't believe you spied on us.”
“I didn't!”
“I know, Cash,” Alex says. “I was talking to Brendon. Though, you're not totally in the clear, Cash.”
“I just wanted to see your cock!” Brendon exclaims. “You're the only cock in this house I haven't seen.”
“And it's going to stay that way. Shane's not happy with you.” He bops Brendon on the nose with his water bottle. “He loves me,” he says before heading back to the bedroom.
“Yeah, so, I'm going to miss you when Shane kills you,” Cash says.
“He's not.”
“Oh, that whole love thing? Shane takes it super serious because Singer does.”
Alex walks back into the living room. “Did you two just?”
“Yeah,” Cash says. “I lost my ass cherry. It hurt more than you said it would.”
“Then he did it wrong, because he's not as big as Shane.”
“I'm as a big as.” Brendon stops. “OK, no I'm not as big as him. But hey, you didn't tell me you were an ass virgin.”
“I'm not wearing pants,” Cash comments.
“You and me,” Alex says, pointing at Cash. “We're talking. Later. About this. I've got some spooning to do though.”
“Dude,” Brendon says after Alex leaves. “I thought that you'd done that before.”
“Yeah, not so much.” Cash rubs at his ass. “Seriously, rug burn. Ouch.”
“We should have done it in the bed. Or a nice hotel. Shane took Singer took a nice hotel to pop his cherry. Now I'm the asshole.”
“Dude, did you hear me say no? Because I remember saying yes, oh god, yes, several times, but I never remember saying no. I specifically remember the yes-ing right before I came on your stomach.”
“And then again when you licked it off my fingers. I swear, you would have sucked the come out of the condom if I asked you to.”
“Dude, nutrition. And that actually probably would be a line for me. You're making me out to be some sort of come slut.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Brendon says, extending his hand to Cash. “Do you want to shower?”
“Yeah, sure. You're putting aloe or something on me when we're done.”
…
“You didn't even do it romantic like,” Alex says as he sips his cup of coffee.
“Yeah, he said 'let's fuck', and I said, 'hell yes'.” Cash flicks a packet of Splenda at Alex's face.
“Dude, come on. You seriously didn't lose it on the living room floor.”
“Says the man who insists that he didn't 'loose' his virginity so much as gave it to Shane in a pretty little gift wrapped box.”
“Did you want to do it on the living room floor?”
Cash stares at him. “Clearly. Otherwise I would have said no. But I didn't. So, yes, that's where I chose to do it. I don't need some posh suite at The Palms to fuck. I've fucked before.”
Cash knows that Alex is trying not to insist on calling it love making. “Did you like it?” Alex asks.
“Yeah, I got my rocks off. Though, I wasn't trying to break windows like you do when you're coming.”
Alex's flushes bright red. “Dude, how come you were spying on me?”
“Brendon said it would be hot. Mostly I felt dirty. I know that's your... you know, special Shane time.”
“I figured it was something like that. He's so obsessed with seeing my cock.”
“Yeah, it's kind of distracting sometimes.” Cash sips his coffee. “Hey, give me that sugar packet I flicked at you.”
Alex pushes it back across the table. “Shane's talking about installing a new security lock. And gouging out Brendon's eyes. He's protective of me like that.”
“Dude, you're so smug.”
“It's because I'm in love.”
“You do know that you don't have to be in love to have great orgasms.” Cash can see Alex's lower lip start to quiver. “But, hey, no, Shane totally only comes because he loves you.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course.” Cash pulls his phone out under the table and texts Shane pls get Alex flowers. has luv doubts bc of me sry. Flowers = crazy sex 4 u :) - cash money.
Alex smiles at his coffee. “Whatcha doing?”
“Nothing,” Cash says, snapping his phone closed. “So, I think I'm going to keep fucking Brendon. It's kinda nice, as long as I don't get the epic rug burn again.”
Cash's phone beeps. Be nice. And yes. Roses or lilies?
Roses. More romantic he needs it. Trust me. Crazy sex.
“Seriously,” Alex says. “Are you texting Brendon?”
“Yes,” Cash lies.
Alex rolls his eyes. “Fine. I'm going home.”
“You mean to Shane's?”
“Whatever. Also, yes.”
“How'd you get here?” Cash asks.
“I got a new car. We picked it out together.”
Cash doesn't mean to feel kind of jealous, but he does. They always said when Alex bought a new car that they would do it together. Not Alex and boyfriend.
“Don't make that face,” Alex says. “It's a beater piece of shit just until the record money comes in. It's not the car. You know I wouldn't get that without you.”
Cash holds his fist up. “You're my boy, right?”
Alex knocks his fist against it. “Always.”
…
“We said we weren't going to do it on the dining room table anymore,” Alex says.
“Stop being so sexy and I'll stop fucking you on the table.”
“Stop getting me flowers.” He pulls his boxers up and walks over to the bouquet on the counter. “They're really pretty. They're perfect. And I just had this weird day. Anyway, perfect day to get me flowers.”
“You want me to throw your clothes in with the blanket?” Shane asks as he starts gathering it up for laundry.
“Sure, they could always use a wash. I know Cash would call me a girl for loving red roses, but I love red roses.”
Shane tosses their clothes and the dirty blanket into the wash and then puts his arms around Alex. “Cash isn't that bad of a kid, you know. Sometimes.”
…
“I'm thinking about setting up cameras,” Brendon says.
“Are you going to pretend to be on Big Brother or some shit? Don't get your photograph taken enough?”
“No,” Brendon replies, stirring the sauce he's attempting to make. “To catch Singer and Shane in the act.”
Cash shakes his head sadly. “Brendon, I'm going to have to say no to that one. I think it's going to end badly for you.”
“How could it go badly? I'll finally catch them breaking the rules.”
“Um, you know we've broken the same rules twice already.”
“Yes, but they know that we have. I can't prove that they have. Taste this,” he says, holding up the spoon.
Cash does and makes a face. “I think maybe we need takeout.”
“Damn. Well, now that I don't have to cook, I can order my spy stuff.”
“Brendon, you do know what's going to happen if Shane finds out about the cameras? On the off chance he doesn't just kill you dead, you're going to find yourself down a friend and a roommate and at odds with at least one of your labelmates.”
“Shane's not on the label.”
“No, but Singer and I are. And Singer's not going to like it, which is going to upset him, which will upset me. And aren't you still worried that Shane's working to get you back for picking the lock on his door?”
“But, Cash,” Brendon whines. “How else am I going to know?”
“You really should stop obsessing about your best friend and my best friend's bedroom activities. Unless.” He pauses. “Do you have a thing for one of them?”
Brendon shakes his head. “No, it's just a mission now. I have to see Singer's cock. It's like my bigfoot. It's the holy grail of cocks. Take a picture of it, would you?”
“God, no.” His cell phone beeps. Shane freaked. He wants to buy lock & maybe shot gun. Make bden behve. “Have you been telling anyone else about your crazy plan?” Cash asks.
“No, well, I mean, maybe I mentioned it in passing, you know, on the phone.”
“Did Shane hear?”
“Um?”
Cash rolls his eyes and texts Alex back. Ill tke care of it. Give him bj to calm him b4 u get back ;) “You're freaking out them out, and freaking me out, too. You have to stop this obsession with his cock.”
“I can't!” Brendon exclaims.
“Dude, maybe you've just are too focused on cock? Let me fuck you. Get your mind off it.”
“Yeah, that might work.”
…
“Cash,” Alex says frantically, hand slipping on the counter. “Oh my god, who's come is that? Also, I think I hurt my wrist.”
Cash sticks his head up from where he's lying on the floor. “That's Brendon's. Sorry. Shane here?”
Alex nods. “Uh huh, and the blowjob didn't help. What's burning?”
“Shit, the sauce,” Cash says. “Brendon, Shane's home. Fuck, come on, get dressed.”
“Cash,” Alex whines. “We talked about this. You have to clean up. It's courtesy. I think my wrist is swelling.”
“It's my fault this time,” Cash says. “Brendon, get up, get up right now. Alex, give me your hand. Shit, I think you did sprain it. Brendon, turn off the fucking pot. What the hell were we thinking trying to cook?” He pulls Alex to the sink and turns the water on cold.
“Shane's ruining my post orgasm high,” Brendon says.
“Only do it in joint places when you know you have enough time to do it and to clean up,” Alex says plaintively. “Ow.”
“Alex? Where'd you go? What's that smell?” Shane asks from the next room.
“Nothing, baby,” Alex says. “Brendon grab me a bottle of wine and some glasses.”
Brendon stands up and scratches at his pubes. “You're too young to drink.”
“So are you!” Alex exclaims.
“Pants, Brendon, pants,” Cash says, still running cold water over Alex's wrist.
“And a bag of ice,” Alex adds.
“Alex, what's going on in there? Do you need help?” Shane calls again.
“I'm fine, baby,” Alex calls back. “Don't come in here though. Brendon and Cash were trying to make us a romantic dinner, but they messed up and now they're embarrassed. Why don't you get the hot tub started for us and they're going to call for some take out.”
“Singer, wow.” Cash says, wrapping the ice pack Brendon threw at him in a clean dish towel. “Thanks, man.”
“Don't mention it. I'm going to tell him I tripped taking my shoes off and hit my hand on the wall.” He looks down at where his wrist is starting to swell. “I think the swelling will really distract him, but this kitchen needs to be sparkling when we get back.” He leans against Cash and toes off his shoes.
“Here,” Brendon says, handing him a little picnic basket with the wine, the opener, two glasses and a bunch of grapes. “I never thought I'd have a use for this basket, but look, now you can carry everything, even with your hand. I'm really sorry about that, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Alex says, taking it carefully with his good hand. He leans in to whisper in Cash's ear. “Dude, so, Shane and me don't... You know? I don't have a swimsuit with me.”
“I got your back,” Cash whispers. Without looking back over his shoulder he says, “Brendon, pants. Seriously.”
Alex heads back to Shane. “Baby, I hurt myself, I need kisses.”
Brendon blinks at Cash. “Dude, he totally just saved us.”
“I know, asshole. So stop trying to look at his penis, OK?” He grabs the pot from the stove and fills it with water to soak. “And we're following the house rules.”
“They break it all the time!” Brendon exclaims.
“Yeah, and you've never once even caught them at it. So far, your dog has licked your come off the couch, and now my best friend has a sprained wrist because it was on the countertop. The rule is, that they can't know about it, so if there isn't enough time for it and clean up, we're not doing it, OK?”
“But, Cash!”
“Dude, you hurt Singer. Unintentionally, but still. And he just totally saved our asses right now. Shane would have blown a gasket, and maybe I haven't known Shane as long as you, but it seems like it takes a real shit-ton to get him upset.”
“Dude, you're turning into one of them, aren't you?”
“You're making me be responsible and shit. Dude, come on. We're having fun here, fun that can't fuck up Singer and Shane, OK? He never lies to Shane, and he just did. We can't ask him to keep doing that.”
“Cash? Are you mad at me?” Brendon pulls the Lysol out from under the sink and starts to scrub at the countertop.
“No, I just. Dude, he's my bro. So, we just. Dude, just. Rules for a reason, OK? And get me a fucking beer.”
Brendon grabs two beers out of the fridge without bothering with his pants. “Do we really need to get them take out?”
“Yes,” Cash says. “Also, it's the anniversary of something for them. I don't remember of which event, I kind of tune in and out when Singer's talking, so we're going to order from that Cajun place they love.”
“They don't deliver.”
“I know they don't. That's why we're ordering, then we're going to clean up and then we're driving there to get it for them.”
“This is a lot of work for just getting some loving in the kitchen.”
“Order. Now.”
…
“You two decent?” Cash asks, cracking the sliding door open.
“Hi Cash,” Alex says brightly. “And we are, thank you.” He snuggles into his big, fluffy robe as Shane hands him another glass of wine.
“Are you guys staying out here? Because if you are, I'm going to need to borrow the basket again. We got you Cajun.”
Shane smiles. “Yeah, I think we are. It's nice out. Where's Brendon?”
“Tied to the bed,” Cash says brightly. “I'm not even kidding.” He pulls up his pant leg and shows a newly blooming bruise on his shin. “I got tired of trying to convince him not to bother you guys, so I just tied him up. He fought a little, but I promised I would make it worth his while. I just didn't say when.”
Shane laughs loudly and hands Cash the basket. “Dude, can you toss this back in the freezer, too?” he asks, handing Cash the icepack.
“Yeah, sure. Do you want some Tylenol, Singer?” Cash asks as he puts the empty wine bottle and the ice pack in the basket.
“You're my hero,” Alex says.
“You got it.” Cash gives them a thumbs up before heading back into the kitchen.
“They had something to do with your wrist, didn't they?” Shane asks.
“No,” Alex says, burrowing down into his robe. “I told you, I tripped.”
“Alex DeLeon, you're lying to me. Right now, you're lying, and I can tell. You're protecting those two little deviants in there.”
“They're not deviants. They're our friends, and they're having issues figuring out their epic love for each other.”
“Brendon's having issues finding a way to see your dick.”
“He's just trying to avoid his feelings for Cash.”
Shane pushes Alex to the side of the chair so he can spoon in behind him. “You're just a big love cheerleader, aren't you?”
“Is it bad that I want our friends to be as happy as we are?”
Shane kisses his neck. “No, I just think that you're maybe looking in the wrong place.”
“I'm returning,” Cash calls, cracking the door open slightly. “Still decent?”
“Yep,” Alex says, smiling. “Though we're being all cuddly.”
Cash rolls his eyes. “So not shocked. I don't even know why I brought two plates. You guys are just going to end up feeding each other.”
“Probably,” Alex says. “Jealous?”
“Whatever.” Cash pops the cork out of the new bottle of wine and pours them two new glasses. “And that's the end of my services at this point. If you need anything else, say it now, otherwise I have to go deal with Brendon.”
“Nothing,” Shane says. “Thanks Cash.”
“You're welcome.” He salutes them and wanders back into the house.
Cash can hear Alex squealing and he smiles in spite of himself. “They're so disgusting,” Cash says, opening the door to Brendon's bedroom.
“You could have at least left the TV for me,” Brendon says. “I've been staring at the ceiling for the last.” He stops and tries to crane his head to see the clock. When he fails, he drops back onto the pillow. “See, I don't even know, because I can't see the clock from this angle. Also, when did you get so strong?”
“So, Singer's covering for us, though I think that maybe I went a little over the top, pouring wine for them and shit. I think Shane suspects something, though it did seem to brighten his day to know you were tied up in here.”
“Dude, not even fair. When you tie someone up, they're supposed to be naked.”
“Yeah, I so wasn't tying you up to do that.” He flicks on Brendon's TV on and pulls out a DVD. “I was doing it so that Singer and Shane could have a nice night together without you trying to see Singer's dick. Because clearly, you're obsessed. Also, dude, are any of your DVD's not porn?”
“Not in here, no.” He cranes his head up. “OK, if we're not having kinky sex, then can you actually untie me. Were you in the Boy Scouts or something? Also, I think one of the ties holding my ankles is actually Ryan's so it better not be ruined.”
“Are you going to leave Shane and Singer alone?”
“Yes.”
“OK. Dude, lesbians. We're watching this one.”
…
“How's your wrist?” Cash asks the next morning. “Dude, it still looks tender.”
“Yeah, Shane wanted me to go to the doctor, but I told him he was being crazy.” Alex pushes the cart forward. “Do you have my mom's list? I've already forgotten everything she said.”
“Yeah,” Cash says, pulling it out of his pocket. “Singer, let me push the cart. You should wrap that wrist up. I mean it.”
Alex twitches his finger. “Yeah, Shane said the same thing.”
“Come on.” Cash pulls him into the first aid aisle and pulls down an Ace Bandage. He takes it out and tosses the empty box into the cart.
“You haven't paid for that,” Alex says.
“I'm going to. Now give me your hand.”
Alex sticks his hand out and lets Cash wrap it up tightly. “Too tight?”
“No, it's good,” Alex says, giving it a little test. “Yeah, that feels a lot better actually.”
“Oh,” Cash says, distractedly. “I need condoms. Might as well grab some while we're here. How are you and Shane doing?” He pauses and holds his hand up before Alex can speak. “I mean condom wise, not whatever speech you're about to launch into.”
Alex blushes. “Shane takes care of that.”
“Of course he does,” Cash says. It takes every ounce of willpower in his body not to roll his eyes. “Of course he does. Oh, glow in the dark. That could be fun.” He's enjoying sex. Lots of it. He's lost, like. Well, OK, he put on weight, but it's all muscle, and he's lost the little pudge he had in his stomach. He wonders of Alex has noticed, but doesn't ask because that would be weird, even for them.
“Keep your voice down.”
“What? People should know that we're having great sex.” A girl passing their aisle stops. “Not with each other,” he tells her. “People, really,” he says, turning back to Alex. He tosses three different boxes of condoms into the cart and two types of lube. “What?”
“Dude, there's also tampons on this list.”
“Yeah, well, now it'll look like we're having crazy hetero sex.”
“Dude! They're for my sister. Ew. I hate you.”
“We should get some of those flaming hot Cheetos,” Cash says, pushing the cart again. “I don't care if I'm lactose intolerant and they make me shit fire, I'm totally eating a whole bag.”
“So foul, Cash. Why am I friends with you?”
Cash shrugs. “I'm like a black hole. Wait. That's more of an insult to myself.”
“Douche.”
…
“Where's Cash?” Brendon asks.
Shane glances up at him. “Don't you mean where's Singer? Is he naked? Could I direct you to his nakedness? Isn't that your latest fetish?” He turns back to the papers he's working on editing.
“Cash has convinced me that I should give up that lifestyle and he said that if I did that maybe you would stop randomly popping up around the house when I didn't expect you.”
“Cash is actually smart sometimes.” He makes a red slash through an entire paragraph. “He's not here. Alex said that he had some sort of disgusting plans involving the bathroom. Well, he went in to way more detail, but I just sort of tuned him out.”
“You and Cash seem to have that magic ability. I haven't figured it out.”
“I think it's the same thing that allows us to tune you out most of the time.”
“Fine. Whatever. So, Cash isn't here.”
Shane glances up at him again. “Did you see him out there?”
“No.”
“Then he's not here. Go bug Alex. Actually, if you could go entertain him? I said I would be done 20 minutes ago.” He sighs. “I've got about an hour more of work to do.”
“Yeah,” Brendon says, nodding. “I got your back. Totally.” He heads out to the living room. “Hey Singer.”
“I hope you weren't bugging Shane,” Alex says, sipping his soda and turning the sound on the television down. “He's got a lot of work.”
“Yeah, he told me that he was supposed to be done already.”
“I saw his pile, it's going to be at least another hour. He thinks I don't know these things, but I do.”
“He just wants to spend time with you before you leave town again.”
Alex nods. “I know. The touring. It's amazing, but it's so hard. On both of us. I mean, I feel like I just got back. But it was, you know, the album, and then that tour and now another one. The album isn't even out yet.”
Brendon sits next to him and pats him on the knee. “Dude, I know.”
Alex rests his head on Brendon's shoulder. “He loves me, though. So, it's OK, right? He didn't send you out here to break up with me, did he?”
“Oh my god, you needy little psychopath. Do you really think he'd do that?”
“No,” Alex says, sighing. “I've just got the pre-tour sadness. I'm so excited, but I'm going to miss him so bad.”
“It's normal,” Brendon says, rubbing the back of Alex's neck gently. “But you made it through the last one, and you'll make it through this one.”
“Are you going to miss Cash?”
“I'm going to miss all my little Cab-babies.”
Alex looks up at him. “Yeah, but what about Cash, specifically. You know, because of the whole thing.”
“You know that me and Cash are nothing like you and Shane, right?”
Alex nods. “I know, I just think that maybe you're. I don't know, something.”
“Love cheerleader.”
“Deviant pervert.”
“Touché.”
…
“I'm going to miss you so bad, baby,” Alex says, holding on to Shane tightly. “We're going to talk every day, though, right? Never going to miss a day. Even if we can't.” He shoves gently into Shane's shoulder. “You know.”
Ian makes a gagging noise as he loads in an amp and Shane flips him off. “Yes, every day. And I'm going to try to come out to at least one show. I can't promise, though, but I'm going to try.”
“I know, it's not a long tour. And I'll be home soon.” He gives Shane a quick peck on the lips. “Hey, hey, look baby,” he says, pointing to where Cash and Brendon are talking. “What do you think they're talking about?”
“Why do you even care?”
“Because,” Alex says, “because they're so OTP, I'm not even kidding.”
“What's OTP? Do I even want to know?”
Alex shrugs. “Like us. You know, meant to be. Oh, look! They're kissing.” He pulls on Shane's shirt gleefully. “They're totally kissing. Do you see?”
“Couldn't miss it even if we tried,” Johnson interjects. “Dude, this band is so gay. I hate you all.”
Author: battie_hattie
Rating: NC-17, ~9,000 words.
Pairing: Brendon/Cash, Singer/Shane
POV: Third
Summary: So, ever since Singer started dating Shane, Cash has started noticing certain changes, and it gets Cash starts to wonder why, since really, Google wasn't much help. (OK, honestly this started out as a lol-fic while talking to tanisafan... “Wouldn't it be funny if Cash became obsessed with semen as a protein source, which is mostly his fail!cover for maybe liking Brendon?”)
Disclaimer: Not even.
Author Notes: Set in the Flying Verse after Flying With No Place To Land, though this could be read apart from it. Many thanks to tanisafan and sneaky_sena
Cash has never been on to think of himself as inadequate. Yeah, he knows that he's not like, Fabio-hot, or whatever. Though, he's never really thought of Fabio as hot, but still. He doesn't have that body. And neither did Singer, despite his years of playing basketball. Singer was always just, Singer. The skinny kid in girl jeans that he called his best friend.
But then, things started to change, and it got Cash thinking. Cash doesn't eat meat, and he doesn't want to, but Singer's been, well, he's been bulking up. And Google told Cash that semen has a lot of protein in it. And maybe, maybe that's what's making Singer look so good.
“Singer,” Cash says, “I've noticed something about you lately.”
Alex looks up from the magazine he's reading. “What's that?”
“You're looking, you know, good.” It's a little bit of a weird thing to be saying to your best friend on a random Tuesday when they've done absolutely nothing different with themselves, but Alex has been looking good. More toned, defined. Less likely to be mistaken for a girl with no breasts.
“It's the love, dude, I'm so in love. It glows off of me.” He makes big hand movements as if to encompass the area of the supposed love glow.
Cash pushes him and then sits next to him. “God, be more of a girl. Seriously.”
“Shane said he loved me too. When I said it during sex again. He said it back.”
Cash smiles because even though he maybe thinks that Alex is a lovesick fool, he's happy that his friend is so happy. “Good,” he says, rubbing Alex's knee. “One day you should say it not during sex.”
“He said it in the morning too. When I was doing my hair.”
Cash resists the urge to roll his eyes. “I'm not going to your big gay wedding.”
“Nevada doesn't allow that. And if they ever do, you're my best man and you're going to be there, douchetard.”
“Fine.” He shoves at Alex's shoulder. “I'm happy for you. You could be less girly about it, though.”
“Jealous.”
“Whatever. I have an honest question for you.”
“Shoot.”
“Is all the come you've been sucking down making you more ripped?”
Alex's mouth drops open and Cash wants to laugh. But it's an honest question. “Singer, come on. You've been bulking up lately, and I want to know if it has to do with all the gay sex you're having.”
“Love Making,” Alex corrects, and Cash can hear the capitalization. “And yes, all the love making I've been doing has helped my physique.”
It took Cash three months, but he's finally gotten used to the fact that when Alex talks about fucking Shane, he insists on calling it love making, the same way he insists on calling Shane either his lover or his boyfriend, depending on his mood and the situation. “Do you think it's all the protein in Shane's jizz?”
Alex shrugs. “I don't know. That's a weird question.” He leans back into the couch and turns on Clean House and Cash knows better than to ask questions during Clean House.
…
“Seriously,” Cash says, following Johnson down the hall. “You should let me suck your dick. It's not gay for you, it's only gay for the sucker, so you're totally safe.”
Johnson turns. “I'm not worried about the gay, Cash. I just really, really don't want to have you sucking my dick.”
“Come on,” Cash whines.
“No, and if you ask again, I'm punching you in the face.”
“Please?”
…
Cash doesn't know if the whole adage about cold steak on a black eye is actually true, but it does feel good, so he keeps doing it. He doesn't think about how it's dead cow, because Brendon was going to eat it. Or, rather, he was probably going to eat it before Cash stuck it on his face.
“Why did he punch you?” Brendon asks as he returns with a plate of nachos. Mostly, it's just cheddar cheese melted over tortilla chips with a big dollop of sour cream and salsa in the middle.
“I asked to suck his dick too many times.”
“Ah, yeah, Ryan punched me once for that. And by that, I mean smacked. Sort of.” Brendon takes a chip and crunches it loudly. “He really punched you?”
“No, I gave myself a black eye.”
“Dude, you're pretty stupid for going to Johnson. Why did you pick him?”
“He was there,” Cash says, taking a chip for himself. It had seemed logical at the time. In retrospect, it was pretty much the worst idea he'd had since he'd tried to fuck a pineapple. Citric acid was not a friend.
“I'm here.” Brendon shrugs his arms open and loosely points toward his dick.
Cash looks at him. “Dude, really? You know, for the protein.” Clearly, he should have started by thinking outside of his own band. This was much better. None of that bullshit that could come back to bite him in the ass, since Brendon was in a different band. Obviously that was why Brendon should have been his choice from the start. Plus, they're friends. And friends help friends.
“Clearly. Because, you know, you've got the protein I was going to make for dinner on your face. And since you don't eat meat, I've got nothing else for you, really.”
“But come,” Cash says easily. “Clearly I should suck your dick, or I'll be nutritionally unbalanced.”
“Uh huh,” Brendon says, nodding.
Cash slaps down the meat on the empty side of the nacho plate and smiles at the way Brendon's mouth has gone slack. “You gonna whip it out? I'm giving the blowjob, you should at least do a little of the work.”
“Yeah,” Brendon says, quickly unzipping his pants. “Sorry. I just, you know, distracted. Dylan, go play.”
Dylan quirks her head but then scampers off into another room.
“Dude, nice pubes,” Cash says.
“Shane actually helped with that. He's kind of a pubic hair genius.”
Cash nods. “Yeah, I saw Singer the other day and it was nice.” Cash blinks. “I can't believe I noticed my best friends pubes. Whatev,” he says before taking Brendon in his mouth.
“Hey, wait,” Brendon says, pulling Cash away a little bit. “What's little Singer's situation? I've seen Shane's, but I've never managed to sneak a peak at Singer's.”
“That kid is a surprisingly hairy motherfucker,” Cash says conversationally while jerking Brendon off. “Well, he used to be, at least. Seems Shane likes to keep him in a sort of mustache like look. The whole triangle forest thing is gone and it's just like a nice little, hi, I'm still a dude, but I'm pretty smooth. I think Shane does it for him.”
“Next time I see him, I'm going to suggest he give up filmmaking and go to pubic hair art school or something.” He moans when Cash swipes his thumb over to the head of his cock. “Feel free to go back to sucking my dick whenever you want.”
“Yeah, and remember, I don't deepthroat.”
When Brendon comes, Cash tries to suck it all down, but he ends up spitting a little of it back up onto the side of the couch. “Whoops,” he says.
“Not the first time this couch has gotten come on it,” Brendon says breathlessly. “I'd say don't tell Shane, but I'm 98% sure that he fucked Singer on it last week.”
“No talking about Singer while I've got a boner.” He flops out on the couch next to Brendon and rubs at his cock. “I think I'm about to leak through my jeans.” He wipes at his mouth. “Also, that wasn't nearly as gross as I thought it would be.”
Brendon leans his head on Cash's shoulder and slides Cash's fly open. “What are your feelings about making out while getting a hand job?”
“Pretty good, actually,” Cash says, tipping his head in for a kiss. It's not any weirder kissing Brendon than any girl he's made out with in the last few months. Except the bit of stubble and the way he can feel the callouses on Brendon's hand around his dick.
Cash dips his own hand down below Brendon's to pull at his balls before his breath hitches. “Brendon,” he warns weakly before he comes.
Brendon catches it by cupping his hand and then he holds it up to Cash's mouth. “Protein,” he says.
Cash thinks he's going to protest, but he finds himself licking at the pool in Brendon's hand until it's gone and then cleaning each one of his fingers.
“Dude, that was so fucking slutty! I didn't think you were actually going to do it!” Brendon exclaims.
Cash shoves at him and tucks himself away. “You'd better not tell anyone about this. This is... a dietary need, got it?”
“Whatever, dude,” Brendon says, crawling over to lay down on Cash. “What?” he says when Cash stares at him, “we're cuddling and you're dealing.”
…
When Cash wakes up an hour later, Alex is sitting on the floor with Dylan, staring up a Cash. “Dude,” he whispers, petting the little dog on his lap, “you broke my boyfriend.”
Cash yawns. “What the hell are you talking about?” He tries to stretch, but there's a heavy weight on his chest. Brendon. Dammit.
“Do you think that your come doesn't somehow smell like come? Also, Dylan was licking a stain off the couch that Shane knew wasn't made by us, so, yeah, you broke him.”
“You're not supposed to know about this,” Cash says as Brendon snuffles against his chest. “I just.”
“Please don't tell me that this is about the whole wondering if love making.”
“Fucking!” Cash says loudly and Brendon rolls off of him and onto the floor.
Shane storms into the room. “Brendon Boyd Urie, why was our dog licking come off the couch?”
“Baby,” Alex starts, “the vein in your forehead.”
“Alex,” Shane says slowly, “I don't want to yell at you, but I will. So, I'm just wondering if you could go to the store and get some kidney beans. I forgot to get them. And if you could take Cash, that'd be so very awesome.”
“Cash, come on,” Alex says, pulling on him.
“But,” Cash starts, but Alex cuts him off. “Now, please, Cash,” Alex pleads and Cash can't say no to that face.
…
“It wasn't come,” Brendon starts as soon as Cash and Alex have left.
“Don't lie to me.”
“OK. It was. But it was for dietary reason. Cash was low on protein, so he sucked me off. And he spilt some of it on the couch.”
Shane rolls his eyes and picks up the plate of half eaten nachos and slab of raw meat. “Dude,” he says as he starts to laugh, “our dog is a whore. There's a fucking big ass steak right at puppy level, and she's licking jizz.”
“My come is the tastiest of all comes.”
Shane rolls his eyes again. “No sex on joint furniture. You know the rule.”
“Says the man that fucked Alex DeLeon...” Brendon pauses and thinks. “OK, I don't have actual proof but given the way he blushes whenever you get to close to him in the kitchen, I'll say there, and on the dining room table, and on your office desk, though, that is just yours and not ours, so you're clear there, and I really think on this couch last week. And at least once in the hallway.”
“Are you some sort of sexual seer?”
“Dude! The dining room table? I eat there, fucker! My niece eats there.”
“I cleaned it afterwards. All three times. That thing really is the perfect height. Seriously, we put a blanket over it first too, well, not the first time, but whatever, that's not what we're talking about, we're talking about the fact that our little princess was licking up your semen.”
“Maybe she needs a male playmate,” Brendon suggests. “And I'm not following the no sex in joint places if you're not.”
Shane sighs. “I can follow the rules.”
“Yeah, when Singer goes out of town.”
“Which'll be the same time as Cash, so there.”
Brendon shrugs. “Dude, we're not like that. He just wanted to blow me, so I let him. Whatever. Do you really need kidney beans?”
“No, but I can make chili if they get some. Now, I'm going to take Dylan for a walk and you're going to clean out the sex smell. At least I have the common courtesy to do that.”
…
“Did you really blow Brendon?” Alex asks as he backs out the driveway in Shane's car.
“Do you even have your own car still?”
“Nope,” Alex says. “Tina died on me, so Shane and I are sharing because he loves me.”
“Hm,” Cash says. “And yes. For the protein. And because Johnson said no.”
Alex stutters the car to a stop and stares at Cash. “You asked Johnson? What were you thinking?” His voice hitches up in the way that Cash knows Alex's tolerances are reaching their limits.
“Calm down, Alex. We can't have you loosing your voice again.” He waits until Alex's hand stops twitching. “And I couldn't ask Ian, he's still dealing with the whole you fucking his cousin.”
“We're in love, assface,” Alex replies, hands clenching around the steering wheel again.
Cash rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I think asking him to participate in the gay sex with me so soon after having his world shattered would be wrong, and Marshall has a girlfriend.”
“What about me?”
Cash lets out an exasperated sigh. “Shane. And if not Shane, the simple fact of our history. It would be too weird for words. So, Brendon offered. Now please finish pulling out of the driveway, you're hanging out at a weird angle. And yes, I am trying really hard right now not to make a sex joke.”
“If you broke my baby, I'll break your face.”
Cash tries not to laugh, because he knows that Alex is trying really hard to be fierce, even if it comes off more like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum over not getting his favorite cookie.
…
“When Cash and Brendon fall in love, will we double date?” Alex asks as Shane spoons him post coitally.
“I don't think they're in love. I think Cash is confused. And you really can't stop breaking that no Cash talk while we're naked.” He kisses Alex's temple anyway.
“Brendon likes him. He's always throwing himself at Cash.” Alex snuggles down further into Shane's embrace.
“Brendon throws himself at me all the time. And at you, for that matter.”
Alex yawns. “It's different and you know it. And Cash has been asking me all sorts of weird questions.” He turns over to face Shane. “About our love making.”
Shane bites his lip and holds his tongue. “Maybe he's just horny?” His voice hitches at the end because he's trying really hard not to laugh.
“No,” Alex says before kissing Shane. “I think that maybe he's having a gay crisis. Specific to Brendon.”
“He's not the first one.”
“I had a crush on Brendon, you know?”
“I've seen the pictures of you at that first show. I was pretty sure, but you Fueled By Ramen kids with your ambiguous sexuality.”
Alex laughs, open and easy and Shane smiles. “I love you,” Shane says. “Now get on your back, because I'm fucking you again.”
Alex squeals.
…
“They did it twice last night and your friend is a screamer,” Brendon says as he tunes his guitar.
“Thanks for that deeply disturbing information,” Cash replies.
“Seriously,” Brendon says. “I had to jerk off. He should star in porn. Shane doesn't really make any sounds, but Singer, dude.”
“How often do they do it?” Cash asks.
“All the time. All over the place. I'd doubt if Shane even had to stretch him out anymore.”
“Please remember that you're talking about my best friend.”
“Yeah, I know.” Brendon rolls his eyes. “They're in love, whatever, they just have a lot of naked fun.”
“We should do it. You know, the sex. I mean, we're both young, it's like, exploring.”
Brendon laughs. “Maybe for you, but I like sex. Any kind I can get, and if you're offering, I'm totally up for it.”
“Does it hurt?”
Brendon shrugs. “If you do it wrong, yeah, a little. But not really. It feels kind of fucking awesome.”
“We should totally fuck later.” Cash nods emphatically. “I think that's a good choice.”
“Ok,” Brendon says. “But if you turn into Singer and insist on calling it love making, I'm killing you for the good of humanity.”
…
“Singer, my man,” Cash says, running up behind Alex and putting his arm around him. “I have another question.”
“Is it another question like the one about Shane's...” He lowers his voice and looks around. “About Shane's man juice?”
“No you didn't.” Cash stops. He wants to laugh so bad. He can't believe his best friend actually said man juice like a 13 year old girl. He has to stop thinking about it or he's not going to get the information that he needs. “No. And we're not calling it that. But yes, it is another question along that vein.”
Alex rolls his eyes. “Get me a candy bar,” he says, motioning to the vending machine. “Butterfinger. Now.”
“No, dude.”
“Do it or I won't even consider answering your question.”
“Fine,” Cash says, pulling a dollar out of his wallet and putting in the machine. He presses A7 and the candy falls. He hands it to Alex. “Does it hurt?”
“What?” Alex asks, tearing the candy open.
“When Shane sticks his cock in your ass.”
Alex rolls his eyes and starts to storm off.
“Singer. Alex. Come on, wait. It's a really, really serious question.”
Alex stops. “Get me a Coke.”
“This is kind of like prostitution,” Cash says, but he gets Alex a soda anyway. “I told Brendon that I want to do the sex thing, and that means that he's going to put his cock in my ass, and I want to be ready.”
Alex cracks open the top of his Coke. “Shane's got a big. You know. And it feels really good. But he's got to take his time. It's all about the foreplay, because he loves me.”
Cash grits his teeth. He will sit through all the love talk. He will. And he won't mock Alex. Not until later, when he's smoking a bowl with Brendon. “The very first time. Did it hurt?”
“For like a second. Yeah, it's not. You saw me the next day, I walked funny. He feels so good inside me though.”
If he's going to sit through Alex's love talk, he's going for broke. “Have you ever?” He pauses and forces himself to say the words, because if doesn't Alex will storm off. “Have you ever made love to him?”
Alex smiles. “Yeah. He lets me sometimes. When I feel the urge. I like him in me best though, but you know it's all amazing.” Apparently the making love reference really worked because it seems like Alex has dropped all his inhibitions. “You said you liked it when a girl ate your ass, so why don't you start with that?” He pauses. “Shane's got an amazing tongue. Sometimes he opens me up just using his tongue and I come until I black out. And then when I wake up, he's inside me.”
Cash thinks that maybe that's too much information, but he knows Alex. He's got to sit through some of the uncomfortable stuff to get what he wants. “So, you've done that to Shane, right?”
“Yep,” Alex says, munching on his candy bar. “Edible lube really helps, by the way. Fuck, the other night, I came on the sheets going down on Shane. You just go from his hole up to his balls and back again. You gotta hold his hips though, because if you do it right, you can make him come without even touching his cock.” He takes a deep swallow of his Coke. “Right when he starts to tell you he's close, just shove a couple of fingers in there, open him wide and just fuck into him with your mouth like it's the last thing you're going to do in your life.”
Wow. He didn't expect that. “Fuck, you just gave me a fucking boner,” he says, adjusting his cock. “Dude, we gotta go on in like 10 minutes.”
“Give me your hand.”
“Huh?”
“You're asking for help, give me your hand.”
Cash puts his hand up, but then pulls it back when Alex takes it up to his mouth.
“Dude, what the hell?”
“Cash,” Alex says. “It's all about pressure.” He brings Cash's hand up to his mouth and starts tonguing it. “Like that,” he says, dropping Cash's hand.
“Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. I'm not even gonna lie to you right now, I'm going to the supply closet to jerk off.” He shoots Alex an exacerbated look. “I'll see you on stage. Jesus fucking Christ.”
…
The next time Cash sees Alex, he's pressed up against the wall, being held up by Shane's cock. Probably, more likely, by Shane's arms, but Cash just goes with the cock assumption. It's kind of fucking hot, so he watches for a minute before he searches for Brendon.
“Dude, your roommate is fucking my lead singer into the wall,” he says when he finds Brendon.
“What?” Brendon asks, raising to his feet. “Where, be specific. Take me there.”
“Huh?”
“I've been trying to catch those two in the act forever. You're going to show me.”
Cash rolls his eyes. “Fine.”
When they find the spot, Alex and Shane are gone. “Dude, I swear they were right here. Shane had Singer pressed up against the wall.”
“Damn it,” Brendon curses. “You should have taken fucking pictures. I'm never going to get to see Singer naked.”
“Your obsession with seeing my best friend naked is slightly alarming.”
“I've heard them fucking. But I've never seen it. Cash, you have to help me see it.”
“Just say 'love making' to Alex and he'll rim your hand. For serious.”
“Alex rims? I love getting rimmed.”
“Shut up.” Cash smacks at his arm and wonders if he's flirting. Probably not, since they're talking about Alex.
“Dude, I've got wood. Suck my dick?”
“Yeah, you know, I skipped bacon at breakfast, so my protein's low again.”
“Clearly.”
…
“I swear someone was watching us,” Alex says, kissing at Shane's neck.
“Hottest thing we've ever done. I'm fucking you against the wall after every show I can.”
“Making love to me,” Alex corrects, kissing down near Shane's collarbone. “And yes, you will.”
…
“Cash, fuck,” Brendon says as he comes down Cash's throat. “So kinky, doing it in the same spot Singer and Shane did.”
“Whatever,” Cash replies, standing up. “Your turn.”
“Huh? No, I'm too tired.”
“Dude, you're sucking my dick. You're sucking it right now.”
“I'm good, just jerk off.”
Cash shoves at him. “Come on. Seriously, I'll find a way for you to catch Shane fucking Singer. Just suck my dick.”
Brendon drops to his knees. “The things I do for you.”
…
fcking agn is the text Cash gets one afternoon.
Singer & Shane? R they bunnies?
Yes. Thnk Snger just came on the celing.
Did not.
Cum over 4 sex. Get it? Cum. ha.
Maybe.
Cash gets in his car and drives over to Brendon and Shane's anyway. “Are they still going at it?” Cash asks when Brendon answers the door.
There's screaming in the background. “They've been going at it for 40 minutes. How is Singer not dead?”
Cash shrugs. “Breathing practices, I think. Plus, the basketball team. He's got this really intense stamina. Plus, if he's not singing, fucking, or eating, he's sleeping.”
“Dude, help me pick the lock.”
“What?”
Brendon sighs dramatically, in only the way lead singers can, Cash's mind adds. “They fuck with the door locked. Help me pick it.”
“I don't know if I can disrespect Singer like that,” Cash says. “I mean, catching him accidentally in the act is one thing, but actually breaking into their bedroom seems kind of fucked up.”
“Man up, Colligan. The whole point of having a roommate is to spy on their fucking.”
“Dude,” Cash wheedles. “I don't know. Really, Singer calls it making love, and he's just.” Something breaks in the background and it sounds like Alex has his second orgasm since Cash has gotten there. “OK, I'm in.”
“I have a selection, though I totally got this at a shady pawn shop that Ryan loves,” Brendon says, picking up a long instrument. “It's a lock pick. It should work.”
Alex screams again in the background. “He really is like a chick. So, seriously, Shane doesn't make any noise?”
Brendon shrugs. “Every once and a while I hear “I love you baby” or “Yeah keep doing that, sexy,” but that's about it. Otherwise, it's the Singer show in there.” Brendon starts down the hallway. “Although once I heard something that I couldn't quite distinguish, and then Shane walked funny for two days, but he had a smile on his face.”
“Dude, I don't know what to think about this. You know, Singer and I fought over the same girl once? Plus, he's my best friend.”
“Whatever, shut up,” Brendon says dropping to his knees.
“Dude, it's a fucking push lock. I can unlock these with a fucking Q-tip. You just stick it this little hole here.” He grabs the pick from Brendon and pushes it in the hole. “There,” he says as the lock disengages.
Brendon pushes the door handle down slowly and pushes the door open a crack. “Dude, they're doing it doggy style. Shit, that's fucking hot. Damn, I can't see Singer's dick. Oh, wait, Shane. Oh, shit. Busted, bail, dude, bail!” He pushes on Cash darts down the hallway on his hands and knees.
“Brendon, you suck.” He closes his eyes and forces out “enjoy your love making,” before pulling the door closed and running off after Brendon.
“Brendon,” Cash says when he catches up. “What the hell?”
“Pants off, Colligan.” Brendon's already managed to break out condoms and lube from only god knows where. “We're fucking. Right now. Come on.”
…
“I think I have rug burn on my lower back,” Cash says.
“Sorry, baby,” Brendon says, kissing Cash's chest.
“Hey, none of that baby bullshit,” Cash says, pushing Brendon off of him. “My ass hurts.”
“Lemme kiss is better.” He ducks his head, but Cash pushes him away again. “Yeah, not so much. Get me a soda.”
“OK.” Brendon pulls a blanket around his waist and runs to the kitchen. He reaches into the fridge and grabs two cans of Diet Coke out. “Jesus fuck!”
Shane's right behind him, just sort of looming there. “Brendon,” he says.
“Listen, I.”
“Pass me a bottle of water please, Alex's thirsty.”
Brendon grabs the water. “Yeah, so.”
“Thanks,” Shane says, taking the water. “See you later.”
Brendon rushes back to Cash. “Shane's coming to kill me. He's just waiting. He's going to kill me.”
“Shouldn't have interrupted his love making. Oh god, Singer's got me calling it that. Their fucking, you interrupted their dirty, hardcore, anal fucking.”
“Here,” Brendon says, handing Cash a soda. “Drink. And then we flee, since the killing will start.”
“Hey Alex,” Cash says without looking up. It is true what they say, he does have a creepy Singer sense. Brendon jumps.
“How come you did that?” Alex asks.
“Where the fuck did you come from?” Brendon asks.
“Brendon convinced me and you were just. Dude, is sex always that good for you? For serious now.”
Alex nods, and then sips at his water bottle. “I told you that he could do amazing things. I can't believe you spied on us.”
“I didn't!”
“I know, Cash,” Alex says. “I was talking to Brendon. Though, you're not totally in the clear, Cash.”
“I just wanted to see your cock!” Brendon exclaims. “You're the only cock in this house I haven't seen.”
“And it's going to stay that way. Shane's not happy with you.” He bops Brendon on the nose with his water bottle. “He loves me,” he says before heading back to the bedroom.
“Yeah, so, I'm going to miss you when Shane kills you,” Cash says.
“He's not.”
“Oh, that whole love thing? Shane takes it super serious because Singer does.”
Alex walks back into the living room. “Did you two just?”
“Yeah,” Cash says. “I lost my ass cherry. It hurt more than you said it would.”
“Then he did it wrong, because he's not as big as Shane.”
“I'm as a big as.” Brendon stops. “OK, no I'm not as big as him. But hey, you didn't tell me you were an ass virgin.”
“I'm not wearing pants,” Cash comments.
“You and me,” Alex says, pointing at Cash. “We're talking. Later. About this. I've got some spooning to do though.”
“Dude,” Brendon says after Alex leaves. “I thought that you'd done that before.”
“Yeah, not so much.” Cash rubs at his ass. “Seriously, rug burn. Ouch.”
“We should have done it in the bed. Or a nice hotel. Shane took Singer took a nice hotel to pop his cherry. Now I'm the asshole.”
“Dude, did you hear me say no? Because I remember saying yes, oh god, yes, several times, but I never remember saying no. I specifically remember the yes-ing right before I came on your stomach.”
“And then again when you licked it off my fingers. I swear, you would have sucked the come out of the condom if I asked you to.”
“Dude, nutrition. And that actually probably would be a line for me. You're making me out to be some sort of come slut.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Brendon says, extending his hand to Cash. “Do you want to shower?”
“Yeah, sure. You're putting aloe or something on me when we're done.”
…
“You didn't even do it romantic like,” Alex says as he sips his cup of coffee.
“Yeah, he said 'let's fuck', and I said, 'hell yes'.” Cash flicks a packet of Splenda at Alex's face.
“Dude, come on. You seriously didn't lose it on the living room floor.”
“Says the man who insists that he didn't 'loose' his virginity so much as gave it to Shane in a pretty little gift wrapped box.”
“Did you want to do it on the living room floor?”
Cash stares at him. “Clearly. Otherwise I would have said no. But I didn't. So, yes, that's where I chose to do it. I don't need some posh suite at The Palms to fuck. I've fucked before.”
Cash knows that Alex is trying not to insist on calling it love making. “Did you like it?” Alex asks.
“Yeah, I got my rocks off. Though, I wasn't trying to break windows like you do when you're coming.”
Alex's flushes bright red. “Dude, how come you were spying on me?”
“Brendon said it would be hot. Mostly I felt dirty. I know that's your... you know, special Shane time.”
“I figured it was something like that. He's so obsessed with seeing my cock.”
“Yeah, it's kind of distracting sometimes.” Cash sips his coffee. “Hey, give me that sugar packet I flicked at you.”
Alex pushes it back across the table. “Shane's talking about installing a new security lock. And gouging out Brendon's eyes. He's protective of me like that.”
“Dude, you're so smug.”
“It's because I'm in love.”
“You do know that you don't have to be in love to have great orgasms.” Cash can see Alex's lower lip start to quiver. “But, hey, no, Shane totally only comes because he loves you.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course.” Cash pulls his phone out under the table and texts Shane pls get Alex flowers. has luv doubts bc of me sry. Flowers = crazy sex 4 u :) - cash money.
Alex smiles at his coffee. “Whatcha doing?”
“Nothing,” Cash says, snapping his phone closed. “So, I think I'm going to keep fucking Brendon. It's kinda nice, as long as I don't get the epic rug burn again.”
Cash's phone beeps. Be nice. And yes. Roses or lilies?
Roses. More romantic he needs it. Trust me. Crazy sex.
“Seriously,” Alex says. “Are you texting Brendon?”
“Yes,” Cash lies.
Alex rolls his eyes. “Fine. I'm going home.”
“You mean to Shane's?”
“Whatever. Also, yes.”
“How'd you get here?” Cash asks.
“I got a new car. We picked it out together.”
Cash doesn't mean to feel kind of jealous, but he does. They always said when Alex bought a new car that they would do it together. Not Alex and boyfriend.
“Don't make that face,” Alex says. “It's a beater piece of shit just until the record money comes in. It's not the car. You know I wouldn't get that without you.”
Cash holds his fist up. “You're my boy, right?”
Alex knocks his fist against it. “Always.”
…
“We said we weren't going to do it on the dining room table anymore,” Alex says.
“Stop being so sexy and I'll stop fucking you on the table.”
“Stop getting me flowers.” He pulls his boxers up and walks over to the bouquet on the counter. “They're really pretty. They're perfect. And I just had this weird day. Anyway, perfect day to get me flowers.”
“You want me to throw your clothes in with the blanket?” Shane asks as he starts gathering it up for laundry.
“Sure, they could always use a wash. I know Cash would call me a girl for loving red roses, but I love red roses.”
Shane tosses their clothes and the dirty blanket into the wash and then puts his arms around Alex. “Cash isn't that bad of a kid, you know. Sometimes.”
…
“I'm thinking about setting up cameras,” Brendon says.
“Are you going to pretend to be on Big Brother or some shit? Don't get your photograph taken enough?”
“No,” Brendon replies, stirring the sauce he's attempting to make. “To catch Singer and Shane in the act.”
Cash shakes his head sadly. “Brendon, I'm going to have to say no to that one. I think it's going to end badly for you.”
“How could it go badly? I'll finally catch them breaking the rules.”
“Um, you know we've broken the same rules twice already.”
“Yes, but they know that we have. I can't prove that they have. Taste this,” he says, holding up the spoon.
Cash does and makes a face. “I think maybe we need takeout.”
“Damn. Well, now that I don't have to cook, I can order my spy stuff.”
“Brendon, you do know what's going to happen if Shane finds out about the cameras? On the off chance he doesn't just kill you dead, you're going to find yourself down a friend and a roommate and at odds with at least one of your labelmates.”
“Shane's not on the label.”
“No, but Singer and I are. And Singer's not going to like it, which is going to upset him, which will upset me. And aren't you still worried that Shane's working to get you back for picking the lock on his door?”
“But, Cash,” Brendon whines. “How else am I going to know?”
“You really should stop obsessing about your best friend and my best friend's bedroom activities. Unless.” He pauses. “Do you have a thing for one of them?”
Brendon shakes his head. “No, it's just a mission now. I have to see Singer's cock. It's like my bigfoot. It's the holy grail of cocks. Take a picture of it, would you?”
“God, no.” His cell phone beeps. Shane freaked. He wants to buy lock & maybe shot gun. Make bden behve. “Have you been telling anyone else about your crazy plan?” Cash asks.
“No, well, I mean, maybe I mentioned it in passing, you know, on the phone.”
“Did Shane hear?”
“Um?”
Cash rolls his eyes and texts Alex back. Ill tke care of it. Give him bj to calm him b4 u get back ;) “You're freaking out them out, and freaking me out, too. You have to stop this obsession with his cock.”
“I can't!” Brendon exclaims.
“Dude, maybe you've just are too focused on cock? Let me fuck you. Get your mind off it.”
“Yeah, that might work.”
…
“Cash,” Alex says frantically, hand slipping on the counter. “Oh my god, who's come is that? Also, I think I hurt my wrist.”
Cash sticks his head up from where he's lying on the floor. “That's Brendon's. Sorry. Shane here?”
Alex nods. “Uh huh, and the blowjob didn't help. What's burning?”
“Shit, the sauce,” Cash says. “Brendon, Shane's home. Fuck, come on, get dressed.”
“Cash,” Alex whines. “We talked about this. You have to clean up. It's courtesy. I think my wrist is swelling.”
“It's my fault this time,” Cash says. “Brendon, get up, get up right now. Alex, give me your hand. Shit, I think you did sprain it. Brendon, turn off the fucking pot. What the hell were we thinking trying to cook?” He pulls Alex to the sink and turns the water on cold.
“Shane's ruining my post orgasm high,” Brendon says.
“Only do it in joint places when you know you have enough time to do it and to clean up,” Alex says plaintively. “Ow.”
“Alex? Where'd you go? What's that smell?” Shane asks from the next room.
“Nothing, baby,” Alex says. “Brendon grab me a bottle of wine and some glasses.”
Brendon stands up and scratches at his pubes. “You're too young to drink.”
“So are you!” Alex exclaims.
“Pants, Brendon, pants,” Cash says, still running cold water over Alex's wrist.
“And a bag of ice,” Alex adds.
“Alex, what's going on in there? Do you need help?” Shane calls again.
“I'm fine, baby,” Alex calls back. “Don't come in here though. Brendon and Cash were trying to make us a romantic dinner, but they messed up and now they're embarrassed. Why don't you get the hot tub started for us and they're going to call for some take out.”
“Singer, wow.” Cash says, wrapping the ice pack Brendon threw at him in a clean dish towel. “Thanks, man.”
“Don't mention it. I'm going to tell him I tripped taking my shoes off and hit my hand on the wall.” He looks down at where his wrist is starting to swell. “I think the swelling will really distract him, but this kitchen needs to be sparkling when we get back.” He leans against Cash and toes off his shoes.
“Here,” Brendon says, handing him a little picnic basket with the wine, the opener, two glasses and a bunch of grapes. “I never thought I'd have a use for this basket, but look, now you can carry everything, even with your hand. I'm really sorry about that, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Alex says, taking it carefully with his good hand. He leans in to whisper in Cash's ear. “Dude, so, Shane and me don't... You know? I don't have a swimsuit with me.”
“I got your back,” Cash whispers. Without looking back over his shoulder he says, “Brendon, pants. Seriously.”
Alex heads back to Shane. “Baby, I hurt myself, I need kisses.”
Brendon blinks at Cash. “Dude, he totally just saved us.”
“I know, asshole. So stop trying to look at his penis, OK?” He grabs the pot from the stove and fills it with water to soak. “And we're following the house rules.”
“They break it all the time!” Brendon exclaims.
“Yeah, and you've never once even caught them at it. So far, your dog has licked your come off the couch, and now my best friend has a sprained wrist because it was on the countertop. The rule is, that they can't know about it, so if there isn't enough time for it and clean up, we're not doing it, OK?”
“But, Cash!”
“Dude, you hurt Singer. Unintentionally, but still. And he just totally saved our asses right now. Shane would have blown a gasket, and maybe I haven't known Shane as long as you, but it seems like it takes a real shit-ton to get him upset.”
“Dude, you're turning into one of them, aren't you?”
“You're making me be responsible and shit. Dude, come on. We're having fun here, fun that can't fuck up Singer and Shane, OK? He never lies to Shane, and he just did. We can't ask him to keep doing that.”
“Cash? Are you mad at me?” Brendon pulls the Lysol out from under the sink and starts to scrub at the countertop.
“No, I just. Dude, he's my bro. So, we just. Dude, just. Rules for a reason, OK? And get me a fucking beer.”
Brendon grabs two beers out of the fridge without bothering with his pants. “Do we really need to get them take out?”
“Yes,” Cash says. “Also, it's the anniversary of something for them. I don't remember of which event, I kind of tune in and out when Singer's talking, so we're going to order from that Cajun place they love.”
“They don't deliver.”
“I know they don't. That's why we're ordering, then we're going to clean up and then we're driving there to get it for them.”
“This is a lot of work for just getting some loving in the kitchen.”
“Order. Now.”
…
“You two decent?” Cash asks, cracking the sliding door open.
“Hi Cash,” Alex says brightly. “And we are, thank you.” He snuggles into his big, fluffy robe as Shane hands him another glass of wine.
“Are you guys staying out here? Because if you are, I'm going to need to borrow the basket again. We got you Cajun.”
Shane smiles. “Yeah, I think we are. It's nice out. Where's Brendon?”
“Tied to the bed,” Cash says brightly. “I'm not even kidding.” He pulls up his pant leg and shows a newly blooming bruise on his shin. “I got tired of trying to convince him not to bother you guys, so I just tied him up. He fought a little, but I promised I would make it worth his while. I just didn't say when.”
Shane laughs loudly and hands Cash the basket. “Dude, can you toss this back in the freezer, too?” he asks, handing Cash the icepack.
“Yeah, sure. Do you want some Tylenol, Singer?” Cash asks as he puts the empty wine bottle and the ice pack in the basket.
“You're my hero,” Alex says.
“You got it.” Cash gives them a thumbs up before heading back into the kitchen.
“They had something to do with your wrist, didn't they?” Shane asks.
“No,” Alex says, burrowing down into his robe. “I told you, I tripped.”
“Alex DeLeon, you're lying to me. Right now, you're lying, and I can tell. You're protecting those two little deviants in there.”
“They're not deviants. They're our friends, and they're having issues figuring out their epic love for each other.”
“Brendon's having issues finding a way to see your dick.”
“He's just trying to avoid his feelings for Cash.”
Shane pushes Alex to the side of the chair so he can spoon in behind him. “You're just a big love cheerleader, aren't you?”
“Is it bad that I want our friends to be as happy as we are?”
Shane kisses his neck. “No, I just think that you're maybe looking in the wrong place.”
“I'm returning,” Cash calls, cracking the door open slightly. “Still decent?”
“Yep,” Alex says, smiling. “Though we're being all cuddly.”
Cash rolls his eyes. “So not shocked. I don't even know why I brought two plates. You guys are just going to end up feeding each other.”
“Probably,” Alex says. “Jealous?”
“Whatever.” Cash pops the cork out of the new bottle of wine and pours them two new glasses. “And that's the end of my services at this point. If you need anything else, say it now, otherwise I have to go deal with Brendon.”
“Nothing,” Shane says. “Thanks Cash.”
“You're welcome.” He salutes them and wanders back into the house.
Cash can hear Alex squealing and he smiles in spite of himself. “They're so disgusting,” Cash says, opening the door to Brendon's bedroom.
“You could have at least left the TV for me,” Brendon says. “I've been staring at the ceiling for the last.” He stops and tries to crane his head to see the clock. When he fails, he drops back onto the pillow. “See, I don't even know, because I can't see the clock from this angle. Also, when did you get so strong?”
“So, Singer's covering for us, though I think that maybe I went a little over the top, pouring wine for them and shit. I think Shane suspects something, though it did seem to brighten his day to know you were tied up in here.”
“Dude, not even fair. When you tie someone up, they're supposed to be naked.”
“Yeah, I so wasn't tying you up to do that.” He flicks on Brendon's TV on and pulls out a DVD. “I was doing it so that Singer and Shane could have a nice night together without you trying to see Singer's dick. Because clearly, you're obsessed. Also, dude, are any of your DVD's not porn?”
“Not in here, no.” He cranes his head up. “OK, if we're not having kinky sex, then can you actually untie me. Were you in the Boy Scouts or something? Also, I think one of the ties holding my ankles is actually Ryan's so it better not be ruined.”
“Are you going to leave Shane and Singer alone?”
“Yes.”
“OK. Dude, lesbians. We're watching this one.”
…
“How's your wrist?” Cash asks the next morning. “Dude, it still looks tender.”
“Yeah, Shane wanted me to go to the doctor, but I told him he was being crazy.” Alex pushes the cart forward. “Do you have my mom's list? I've already forgotten everything she said.”
“Yeah,” Cash says, pulling it out of his pocket. “Singer, let me push the cart. You should wrap that wrist up. I mean it.”
Alex twitches his finger. “Yeah, Shane said the same thing.”
“Come on.” Cash pulls him into the first aid aisle and pulls down an Ace Bandage. He takes it out and tosses the empty box into the cart.
“You haven't paid for that,” Alex says.
“I'm going to. Now give me your hand.”
Alex sticks his hand out and lets Cash wrap it up tightly. “Too tight?”
“No, it's good,” Alex says, giving it a little test. “Yeah, that feels a lot better actually.”
“Oh,” Cash says, distractedly. “I need condoms. Might as well grab some while we're here. How are you and Shane doing?” He pauses and holds his hand up before Alex can speak. “I mean condom wise, not whatever speech you're about to launch into.”
Alex blushes. “Shane takes care of that.”
“Of course he does,” Cash says. It takes every ounce of willpower in his body not to roll his eyes. “Of course he does. Oh, glow in the dark. That could be fun.” He's enjoying sex. Lots of it. He's lost, like. Well, OK, he put on weight, but it's all muscle, and he's lost the little pudge he had in his stomach. He wonders of Alex has noticed, but doesn't ask because that would be weird, even for them.
“Keep your voice down.”
“What? People should know that we're having great sex.” A girl passing their aisle stops. “Not with each other,” he tells her. “People, really,” he says, turning back to Alex. He tosses three different boxes of condoms into the cart and two types of lube. “What?”
“Dude, there's also tampons on this list.”
“Yeah, well, now it'll look like we're having crazy hetero sex.”
“Dude! They're for my sister. Ew. I hate you.”
“We should get some of those flaming hot Cheetos,” Cash says, pushing the cart again. “I don't care if I'm lactose intolerant and they make me shit fire, I'm totally eating a whole bag.”
“So foul, Cash. Why am I friends with you?”
Cash shrugs. “I'm like a black hole. Wait. That's more of an insult to myself.”
“Douche.”
…
“Where's Cash?” Brendon asks.
Shane glances up at him. “Don't you mean where's Singer? Is he naked? Could I direct you to his nakedness? Isn't that your latest fetish?” He turns back to the papers he's working on editing.
“Cash has convinced me that I should give up that lifestyle and he said that if I did that maybe you would stop randomly popping up around the house when I didn't expect you.”
“Cash is actually smart sometimes.” He makes a red slash through an entire paragraph. “He's not here. Alex said that he had some sort of disgusting plans involving the bathroom. Well, he went in to way more detail, but I just sort of tuned him out.”
“You and Cash seem to have that magic ability. I haven't figured it out.”
“I think it's the same thing that allows us to tune you out most of the time.”
“Fine. Whatever. So, Cash isn't here.”
Shane glances up at him again. “Did you see him out there?”
“No.”
“Then he's not here. Go bug Alex. Actually, if you could go entertain him? I said I would be done 20 minutes ago.” He sighs. “I've got about an hour more of work to do.”
“Yeah,” Brendon says, nodding. “I got your back. Totally.” He heads out to the living room. “Hey Singer.”
“I hope you weren't bugging Shane,” Alex says, sipping his soda and turning the sound on the television down. “He's got a lot of work.”
“Yeah, he told me that he was supposed to be done already.”
“I saw his pile, it's going to be at least another hour. He thinks I don't know these things, but I do.”
“He just wants to spend time with you before you leave town again.”
Alex nods. “I know. The touring. It's amazing, but it's so hard. On both of us. I mean, I feel like I just got back. But it was, you know, the album, and then that tour and now another one. The album isn't even out yet.”
Brendon sits next to him and pats him on the knee. “Dude, I know.”
Alex rests his head on Brendon's shoulder. “He loves me, though. So, it's OK, right? He didn't send you out here to break up with me, did he?”
“Oh my god, you needy little psychopath. Do you really think he'd do that?”
“No,” Alex says, sighing. “I've just got the pre-tour sadness. I'm so excited, but I'm going to miss him so bad.”
“It's normal,” Brendon says, rubbing the back of Alex's neck gently. “But you made it through the last one, and you'll make it through this one.”
“Are you going to miss Cash?”
“I'm going to miss all my little Cab-babies.”
Alex looks up at him. “Yeah, but what about Cash, specifically. You know, because of the whole thing.”
“You know that me and Cash are nothing like you and Shane, right?”
Alex nods. “I know, I just think that maybe you're. I don't know, something.”
“Love cheerleader.”
“Deviant pervert.”
“Touché.”
…
“I'm going to miss you so bad, baby,” Alex says, holding on to Shane tightly. “We're going to talk every day, though, right? Never going to miss a day. Even if we can't.” He shoves gently into Shane's shoulder. “You know.”
Ian makes a gagging noise as he loads in an amp and Shane flips him off. “Yes, every day. And I'm going to try to come out to at least one show. I can't promise, though, but I'm going to try.”
“I know, it's not a long tour. And I'll be home soon.” He gives Shane a quick peck on the lips. “Hey, hey, look baby,” he says, pointing to where Cash and Brendon are talking. “What do you think they're talking about?”
“Why do you even care?”
“Because,” Alex says, “because they're so OTP, I'm not even kidding.”
“What's OTP? Do I even want to know?”
Alex shrugs. “Like us. You know, meant to be. Oh, look! They're kissing.” He pulls on Shane's shirt gleefully. “They're totally kissing. Do you see?”
“Couldn't miss it even if we tried,” Johnson interjects. “Dude, this band is so gay. I hate you all.”