(Untitled)

[bballchk08]

We ran away together.We'd planned it for a while, and we hid supplies behind a tree close by. The day came faster than I expected, but one day we finally did it. We ran away from home. Finally we came to this neighborhood, it was weird. Everything was the same, but different. Most of the houses hadn't been moved into yet, but they all looked the

Comments

[writinnblood]

oooooooh! very interesting! more when? ^_^
critique (please don't get mad about it, I'm only trying to help):
when you mentioned the types of houses, i thought you typed drywall twice on accident. I think you're supposed to have ";" if there is a list inside of a list. like: 'A few had drywall; a few had drywall, floors, and appliances; a few had insulation; and a few had nothing.'
youre very repetitive for such a short entry. find new words and descriptions! ok, not repetitive, but very similar, and thats the problem (your description of him.)
personally, i would change "but ... was" to "but, as dull as it was, it seemed important." its easier to understand (i think...)

you dont have to take my advice, its just an opinion, and I'll read it either way.

[bballchk08]

Thanx for your critique, all help is appreciated and I think you are right. This was a rough draft and I'm gonna re-write it later . . more will be here today i think