(no subject)
I joined Mecca's Valentine's Day exchange and got Vae.
This is my life, Jack thought, head spinning, heart pounding, blood pouring from his body to soak into the seat of the SUV then drip onto the floor. Twelve pints never seems like very much until you're watching it pool and thinking about Ianto cleaning it up later. Dizziness then a wave of nausea washed over him. Soon.
Gwen took the corner too fast and he slid off the back seat to crumple onto the floor. Pain speared through him as Jack curled into a ball with a choked gasp. Dying over and over again so they don't have to. Because I can. Because I feel alive when I die. He knew how wrong it was. How off his mind was, but he was okay with that in the grand scheme of things.
***
This is my life, Jack thought looking down at the man sleeping so soundly beside him. His fingers slid down a smooth cheek and a stubbled jaw as he smiled and let his mind wander. The man was Ianto and then he wasn't, male then female, hair short and dark with soft waves, then short and stubbly then long and golden, alien then human. Images morphed from one memory to the next going back though time then back and back further until even his rather amazing memory ran out of images.
Jack hadn't ever kept serious count of his lovers, they were many and varied and they'd all touched him in one way or another. Just as he'd touched them, physically and mentally, stolen moments of intimacy meant to comfort or inflame depending on the circumstance. Times that he could, for an hour or a week, pretend that he was anything other than alone. Times when he could play at intimacy until he remembered that no one truly knew him and it was easier that way.
***
This is my life, Jack thought as his team looked at him in shock and surprise as he barked out an order at Tosh to go deeper. Gwen wanted him to stop first, she would. She was the softest of all of them. Not that Jack considered this a bad thing, it was just Gwen. When even Owen and Ianto were looking at him with doubt, Jack knew they thought he'd lost it. He hadn't. He was the "go to" guy and he got it done. None of them understood that. None of them really grasped what it was like to be willing to do anything, risk anything; sacrifice everything to protect this world. He never wanted them to know or understand that because that was what Jack did. He was the captain and this was his life.
This is my life, Jack thought, head spinning, heart pounding, blood pouring from his body to soak into the seat of the SUV then drip onto the floor. Twelve pints never seems like very much until you're watching it pool and thinking about Ianto cleaning it up later. Dizziness then a wave of nausea washed over him. Soon.
Gwen took the corner too fast and he slid off the back seat to crumple onto the floor. Pain speared through him as Jack curled into a ball with a choked gasp. Dying over and over again so they don't have to. Because I can. Because I feel alive when I die. He knew how wrong it was. How off his mind was, but he was okay with that in the grand scheme of things.
***
This is my life, Jack thought looking down at the man sleeping so soundly beside him. His fingers slid down a smooth cheek and a stubbled jaw as he smiled and let his mind wander. The man was Ianto and then he wasn't, male then female, hair short and dark with soft waves, then short and stubbly then long and golden, alien then human. Images morphed from one memory to the next going back though time then back and back further until even his rather amazing memory ran out of images.
Jack hadn't ever kept serious count of his lovers, they were many and varied and they'd all touched him in one way or another. Just as he'd touched them, physically and mentally, stolen moments of intimacy meant to comfort or inflame depending on the circumstance. Times that he could, for an hour or a week, pretend that he was anything other than alone. Times when he could play at intimacy until he remembered that no one truly knew him and it was easier that way.
***
This is my life, Jack thought as his team looked at him in shock and surprise as he barked out an order at Tosh to go deeper. Gwen wanted him to stop first, she would. She was the softest of all of them. Not that Jack considered this a bad thing, it was just Gwen. When even Owen and Ianto were looking at him with doubt, Jack knew they thought he'd lost it. He hadn't. He was the "go to" guy and he got it done. None of them understood that. None of them really grasped what it was like to be willing to do anything, risk anything; sacrifice everything to protect this world. He never wanted them to know or understand that because that was what Jack did. He was the captain and this was his life.