cheer factor
hoseok/jimin
pg-13 | ~1.2k
There is a certain peace in having the freedom to do anything you want, except all Jimin wants is attention, which he doesn't get unless he's on stage.
note: sort of kind of based on the prompt you're my sunshine on bangtanexchange, written out of boredom and ended out of boredom
There is a certain loneliness you get sucked into when you're invisible. When all your chipper chatters get dismissed, when everything you do has no impact on people around you. There is annoyance, sometimes, and discomfort, for sure, but in the end, that's what it comes down to: loneliness. Jimin knows, all too well.
It's in the silence-in the way you hear nothing when you close your eyes, because nobody bothers talking to you. It's in the nonexistent response to the words you let out, the way you're suddenly aware that nobody listens. It's in the realization that people don't care what you do, so you get to do anything you want. There is a certain peace in having the freedom to do anything you want, except all Jimin wants is attention, which he doesn't get unless he's on stage.
What could have been freedom becomes a cage, instead, with the way Jimin overthinks things, calculating his every move, manipulating his actions in trying to get as much response as possible. He overdoes his body waves, his 'sexy face', as Namjoon calls it onscreen, just to get that disgusted jeers from the members. Bad reaction is better than no reaction at all, Jimin thinks. That's what he's settled for.
"Stop that," Hoseok would tell him, his hand fondly ruffling Jimin's hair. Jimin always thinks that Hoseok is the only one that sees him, the only voice among silence, that little ray of light seeping through the closed curtain of Jimin's social confinement. "Everyone loves you."
Not really, thinks Jimin. Unless ignorance is the new love. But he mumbles a thanks anyway, because it matters a lot that someone is willing to comfort him like that, and Hoseok is smiling, wide and bright, and it's warm for once.
Jimin sometimes wonders what he did differently from the others. How come they get to banter so easily, chatting for hours after hours when they get back to the dorm post-practice, while Jimin only gets to sit in one corner, watching in envy. He wants to have conversations about anime, too. He wants in on their talk about underground rap. He wants to know more about producing music.
He doesn't get to.
Hoseok would bring up talks about dance whenever he notices the way Jimin's eyes twitch at the sight of Taehyung chatting animatedly about One Piece with Seokjin. He would dance and move his whole body ridiculously despite Jimin knowing how good of a dancer he actually is. It takes a moment, and a laugh would involuntarily escape Jimin's lips, and Jimin thinks that's the best kind of laugh-not the forced ones his fellow members do whenever he cracks a failed joke on broadcast (which is all the time), or a fake one like he lets out at the end of every Taeyang sunbaenim impersonation he does.
Jimin wonders if it's because he's the last to join. Jimin doesn't think it's fair, if that's true. He didn't ask to be the last. He didn't ask to be singled out. He wants to fit in, too.
It's not like he doesn't try-he tries, and he tries a lot. He injects himself into conversations he's quickly thrown out of. He still jokes even after he's told way too many times to shut up, you're not funny. He still volunteers to record when the staff ask them for a new Bangtan Bomb episode, although he knows that whenever he holds the camera, people somehow refuse to talk. The selca monsters are suddenly afraid of camera, avoiding it at all costs. It's so different when Taehyung is the one behind the camcorder. People talk. They talk a lot. Maybe Taehyung is more fun to talk to. Definitely, Taehyung is more fun to talk to. Jimin would definitely prefer talking to Taehyung than to himself.
He's trying hard, again, this time. He holds up his camera, heavy on his hand, looking for Jungkook, because everybody loves Jungkook and Jimin thinks it would be nice to give the fans a shot of the one person everybody loves. Go away, Jungkook tells him, I'm not in the mood. Namjoon is there, too, and he doesn't seem to be in the mood, either. Who is ever in the mood for Jimin, really?
And just then Hoseok comes blocking the camera, making weird faces and asking for attention Jimin is more than happy to give. "Let's go film everyone," he says, smiling so brightly as if he has a lifetime supply of happiness for himself and everyone around him.
Jimin smiles, he can't help it, but he mutters the truth weakly, "Nobody wants me to film them."
"Yes they do!" Hoseok answers cheerily. Or maybe normally, because it's just the way he always talks-loud and cheerful. He's doing it again, the hair ruffling thing. It feels really good. "Let's go!"
Hoseok grabs his hand and practically drags him to find the other members, and maybe he asks them to be nice to Jimin, or something, because everybody easily complies when Jimin asks for a shot of their face and for them to say something. It feels good, acceptance. Feels nice to be seen.
Someone hugs him from the back just after he returns the camera to the staff. It feels nice, the hug. "See?" Hoseok beams, swaying their body left and right. "Everybody loves you."
Jimin doesn't really know if that's true, but it feels nice to laugh, to mumble a simple I guess back to Hoseok, who continues hugging him tight. Jimin thinks of the rare occasions when Jungkook actually respect him, or when Namjoon acknowledges his effort. He thinks about the random times Taehyung comes up next to him and lets him in on his pranks and antiques. And Jimin thinks that maybe his invisibility is all in his head. Maybe he's seen, after all.
Hoseok steps back and frowns at him for some reason. "Of course you're seen," he says, jokingly punching Jimin on the shoulder. "Everybody loves you, stop thinking silly things."
Most of the time, Jimin is slow to answer, processing things too much in his head, afraid of saying the wrong things and end up failing to answer on time. The rest of the time, he fails to process anything at all, and his mouth just speaks up the things inside his head, like this time. And it's embarrassing, that Hoseok heard all that, although Jimin's not exactly sure how much he said out loud.
"Everybody loves you," Hoseok repeats while Jimin keeps his head down, still cursing his brain for delivering those thoughts to his lips. "Hey," Hoseok lowers his head so that Jimin is looking at him, and he grins, and there's just something in his smile that forces you to smile back, so Jimin does. "The others are just teasing you for fun," Hoseok says gently. "They care about you. A lot."
Jimin answers with another smile and a nod. He guesses that it's just the way his mind works, filtering too much or not filtering at all, like that one time on the radio, when he impulsively replied that Hobi hyung is what makes him happy. It's the truth-things he accidentally let slip are always the truth.
"Thank you, hyung," Jimin manages. He means it-loneliness breaks him now and again, but it's different when Hoseok is around, it feels as if it doesn't matter, like he can be happy, anyway.
Hoseok is ruffling his hair, again-maybe he likes it as much as Jimin does. And it feels nice, Hoseok's hand on his hair. Jimin likes it a lot.
pg-13 | ~1.2k
There is a certain peace in having the freedom to do anything you want, except all Jimin wants is attention, which he doesn't get unless he's on stage.
note: sort of kind of based on the prompt you're my sunshine on bangtanexchange, written out of boredom and ended out of boredom
There is a certain loneliness you get sucked into when you're invisible. When all your chipper chatters get dismissed, when everything you do has no impact on people around you. There is annoyance, sometimes, and discomfort, for sure, but in the end, that's what it comes down to: loneliness. Jimin knows, all too well.
It's in the silence-in the way you hear nothing when you close your eyes, because nobody bothers talking to you. It's in the nonexistent response to the words you let out, the way you're suddenly aware that nobody listens. It's in the realization that people don't care what you do, so you get to do anything you want. There is a certain peace in having the freedom to do anything you want, except all Jimin wants is attention, which he doesn't get unless he's on stage.
What could have been freedom becomes a cage, instead, with the way Jimin overthinks things, calculating his every move, manipulating his actions in trying to get as much response as possible. He overdoes his body waves, his 'sexy face', as Namjoon calls it onscreen, just to get that disgusted jeers from the members. Bad reaction is better than no reaction at all, Jimin thinks. That's what he's settled for.
"Stop that," Hoseok would tell him, his hand fondly ruffling Jimin's hair. Jimin always thinks that Hoseok is the only one that sees him, the only voice among silence, that little ray of light seeping through the closed curtain of Jimin's social confinement. "Everyone loves you."
Not really, thinks Jimin. Unless ignorance is the new love. But he mumbles a thanks anyway, because it matters a lot that someone is willing to comfort him like that, and Hoseok is smiling, wide and bright, and it's warm for once.
Jimin sometimes wonders what he did differently from the others. How come they get to banter so easily, chatting for hours after hours when they get back to the dorm post-practice, while Jimin only gets to sit in one corner, watching in envy. He wants to have conversations about anime, too. He wants in on their talk about underground rap. He wants to know more about producing music.
He doesn't get to.
Hoseok would bring up talks about dance whenever he notices the way Jimin's eyes twitch at the sight of Taehyung chatting animatedly about One Piece with Seokjin. He would dance and move his whole body ridiculously despite Jimin knowing how good of a dancer he actually is. It takes a moment, and a laugh would involuntarily escape Jimin's lips, and Jimin thinks that's the best kind of laugh-not the forced ones his fellow members do whenever he cracks a failed joke on broadcast (which is all the time), or a fake one like he lets out at the end of every Taeyang sunbaenim impersonation he does.
Jimin wonders if it's because he's the last to join. Jimin doesn't think it's fair, if that's true. He didn't ask to be the last. He didn't ask to be singled out. He wants to fit in, too.
It's not like he doesn't try-he tries, and he tries a lot. He injects himself into conversations he's quickly thrown out of. He still jokes even after he's told way too many times to shut up, you're not funny. He still volunteers to record when the staff ask them for a new Bangtan Bomb episode, although he knows that whenever he holds the camera, people somehow refuse to talk. The selca monsters are suddenly afraid of camera, avoiding it at all costs. It's so different when Taehyung is the one behind the camcorder. People talk. They talk a lot. Maybe Taehyung is more fun to talk to. Definitely, Taehyung is more fun to talk to. Jimin would definitely prefer talking to Taehyung than to himself.
He's trying hard, again, this time. He holds up his camera, heavy on his hand, looking for Jungkook, because everybody loves Jungkook and Jimin thinks it would be nice to give the fans a shot of the one person everybody loves. Go away, Jungkook tells him, I'm not in the mood. Namjoon is there, too, and he doesn't seem to be in the mood, either. Who is ever in the mood for Jimin, really?
And just then Hoseok comes blocking the camera, making weird faces and asking for attention Jimin is more than happy to give. "Let's go film everyone," he says, smiling so brightly as if he has a lifetime supply of happiness for himself and everyone around him.
Jimin smiles, he can't help it, but he mutters the truth weakly, "Nobody wants me to film them."
"Yes they do!" Hoseok answers cheerily. Or maybe normally, because it's just the way he always talks-loud and cheerful. He's doing it again, the hair ruffling thing. It feels really good. "Let's go!"
Hoseok grabs his hand and practically drags him to find the other members, and maybe he asks them to be nice to Jimin, or something, because everybody easily complies when Jimin asks for a shot of their face and for them to say something. It feels good, acceptance. Feels nice to be seen.
Someone hugs him from the back just after he returns the camera to the staff. It feels nice, the hug. "See?" Hoseok beams, swaying their body left and right. "Everybody loves you."
Jimin doesn't really know if that's true, but it feels nice to laugh, to mumble a simple I guess back to Hoseok, who continues hugging him tight. Jimin thinks of the rare occasions when Jungkook actually respect him, or when Namjoon acknowledges his effort. He thinks about the random times Taehyung comes up next to him and lets him in on his pranks and antiques. And Jimin thinks that maybe his invisibility is all in his head. Maybe he's seen, after all.
Hoseok steps back and frowns at him for some reason. "Of course you're seen," he says, jokingly punching Jimin on the shoulder. "Everybody loves you, stop thinking silly things."
Most of the time, Jimin is slow to answer, processing things too much in his head, afraid of saying the wrong things and end up failing to answer on time. The rest of the time, he fails to process anything at all, and his mouth just speaks up the things inside his head, like this time. And it's embarrassing, that Hoseok heard all that, although Jimin's not exactly sure how much he said out loud.
"Everybody loves you," Hoseok repeats while Jimin keeps his head down, still cursing his brain for delivering those thoughts to his lips. "Hey," Hoseok lowers his head so that Jimin is looking at him, and he grins, and there's just something in his smile that forces you to smile back, so Jimin does. "The others are just teasing you for fun," Hoseok says gently. "They care about you. A lot."
Jimin answers with another smile and a nod. He guesses that it's just the way his mind works, filtering too much or not filtering at all, like that one time on the radio, when he impulsively replied that Hobi hyung is what makes him happy. It's the truth-things he accidentally let slip are always the truth.
"Thank you, hyung," Jimin manages. He means it-loneliness breaks him now and again, but it's different when Hoseok is around, it feels as if it doesn't matter, like he can be happy, anyway.
Hoseok is ruffling his hair, again-maybe he likes it as much as Jimin does. And it feels nice, Hoseok's hand on his hair. Jimin likes it a lot.