sizzling hot pan to the face
jungkook-centric
pg-13 | ~1.5k
Dead or undead, Jungkook hates assignments all the same. "Assignment?"
"Your soul to collect," Namjoon tells him. Jungkook's eyes widen as if trying to say why. "You're a grim reaper? It's your job?"
[!] character death
note: second ~episode~ of a dead like me au thing with queenofhunter93, first ep is here!
Now that he's dead, or, well, fine, undead, Jungkook was hoping that at least breakfast would come for free. Sadly, nothing in life, and apparently makeshift-afterlife, is free. His breakfast bill this time comes in the form of a pink post-it, handed to him with a grunt from Namjoon. It takes Jungkook over two minutes of scrutinizing the terrible handwriting before finally realizing that it's an initial, an address, and a timestamp.
ㅈㅎㅅ
314-6, Sangogsam-dong
Bupyeong-gu
Incheon
ETD 04:41 pm
"Hyung, honestly," a guy to Jungkook's left, Jimin, he thinks the name is, pouts and whines, "learn to write." Jungkook remembers Namjoon telling him yesterday that Jimin, too, is an undead. Jungkook is still trying to wrap his mind around it, because if anything, Jimin looks more like a baby delivery stork than a grim reaper.
Shouts of agreement come from all around the table. Seokjin pats his back in consolation as Namjoon mutters every single fucking day under his breath.
"One of these days we're gonna take the wrong person because of your writing," Hoseok, another undead Jungkook just got to know this morning, points out. Solemn nods everywhere.
"Like your writing's any better," retorts Namjoon. Hoseok makes an overdramatic hurt expression. "If you can't read your post-it, come here," Namjoon says. Everyone avoids his eyes and stares at their papers. "See, you're only protesting for the sake of protesting."
While everyone mumbles complaints under their breath, Jungkook decides to ask the most important question. "What's this?"
"Ah right, newbie," Hoseok coos in a high-pitched voice. It's annoying, to say the least. "It's your assignment!"
Jungkook frowns. Dead or undead, he hates assignments all the same. "Assignment?"
"Your soul to collect," Namjoon tells him. Jungkook's eyes widen as if trying to say why. "You're a grim reaper? It's your job?"
"Do we get paid?" is, of course, Jungkook's first reaction. He sounds inappropriately excited for someone whose supposed-job is taking people's soul, but whatever, man, money is money.
To Jungkook's dismay, "We don't," Yoongi, the only other person besides Namjoon who actually looks the part to be a grim reaper, answers. "We should," he adds with a pointed look at Namjoon and Seokjin's direction.
Namjoon scoffs. "It's public service, what we do," Seokjin tells Jungkook with a smile, PR style. He then turns to Yoongi with a stern look and the latter just shrugs. Jungkook wonders who it is they're servicing, exactly.
"Anyway, Hoseok, you're gonna take newbie," Namjoon orders. Hoseok claps in excitement and gives Jungkook a gummy smile. Jungkook shudders in his seat.
"Meeting's over!"
*
314-6, Sangogsam-dong is a cutesy little pastel pink diner near the airport. As soon as they enter, Hoseok squeals and forces Jungkook to join him in a selca. Jungkook tries to hide his disgust, both for the place and for Hoseok's extreme enthusiasm. He fails.
"This is how we look to other people," Hoseok holds up his phone, showing Jungkook a picture of two unfamiliar guys, one with an overjoyed expression and the other an unamused, kill-me-now face. A framed motivational quote hangs on the pink wall. Jungkook looks around. There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs, the picture behind him says. Jungkook scowls. The quote in Hoseok's selca says the same thing.
"That's us?" Jungkook repeats in disbelief. Hoseok nods, proud of his First Lesson for Newbie. Jungkook ignores him in favor of zooming in to his face in the selca. He has freckles. And droopy, sad-looking eyes. And a fucking bowl cut. He decides he can't look anymore and returns the phone to Hoseok.
Hoseok giggles, and mentions some orders at the waitress who comes over with a menu. "My treat, my pick," he tells Jungkook. "I hope you like nachos."
Jungkook sort of hates nachos, but well beggars can't be choosers. "So," he starts as the waitress walks away, "how does this work?"
"It's all about intuition," Hoseok says, feigning wisdom. "Check your post-it, look at your surrounding, then guess what's gonna happen."
Jungkook blinks. "Seriously," he deadpans. "Guess?"
"Yeah, well, death is a bit cryptic," Hoseok tells him. "Now, see, it's about twenty minutes 'til ETD, estimated time of death."
"Estimated time of death," Jungkook repeats, entirely skeptical at this point. "Okay, fine, whatever, then how do I know who it is?"
Hoseok looks at him, probably amused by Jungkook's misery. "You ask around," he says, suppressing his laugh. He laughs at Jungkook's reaction. "Notice details," he suggests, "see, our waitress has a nametag that says Jeon Hyosung, so it might be her."
"Might," Jungkook repeats. This is easily the worst job he's ever had. "So it might be Jung Hoseok?"
Hoseok looks at him, probably feeling torn between glad Jungkook knows his full name and scared that newbie is so eager to take his soul. "Technically, yeah," he says finally. "But I have no soul left in my body so it isn't me."
"Clearly."
Hoseok snorts. He looks around and points at the wall. "It might be him, too," Hoseok tells him. Jungkook looks at the face of Jang Hyunseung, May 2015's employee of the month.
"It's actually more fun to guess the cause than the person!" Hoseok encourages him. Jungkook doesn't really see the fun in taking souls, but lets Hoseok continue. "For example, the most common causes in restaurants are food poisoning and choking, so look for people who are eating too fast and subtly ask for their name."
Jungkook examines the people in the diner. He silently hopes that it'll be the couple on table 3, who are actually trying to eat spaghetti a la Lady and the Tramp. Maybe they can choke on their meatballs and die so the PDA would stop. But probably not. Life is never that good to him.
Jungkook explores other probabilities. Maybe it will be the guy at table 12. Cause of death: too much pepper on his sandwich. Honestly. Just dump the entire contents of the shaker, why don't you.
Or maybe, maybe it's Jung Hoseok. One can hope.
Jungkook probably reeks of desperation, because Hoseok comes to the rescue. "Observe," he says, pointing at a table in the corner of the diner. "Man in table 1 has been gripping his knife with way too much force, so you can assume that his girlfriend cheated on him and he's gonna kill her once she arrives."
Well that escalated quickly. Jungkook stares at his mentor, trying to figure out if it was a joke. Jungkook fails to understand.
"Or, you know, it might be something simpler," Hoseok continues, "Miss Hyosung's stilettos are one size too big and the floor is slippery, she might trip and get stabbed by her shoes."
Will he ever get used to all this gory speculations, Jungkook asks himself. Hopefully not. Five minutes to ETD, zero progress. Excellent first day on the job.
"Oh, look! I found our guy!" Hoseok cheers suddenly.
"How? Where?"
"High as fuck dude in the kitchen," Hoseok points at, Jungkook supposes, Jang Hyunseung. He glides in the kitchen, maneuvering among forks and knives and other sharp objects with what looks like 1% sobriety. "I betcha it's him."
"You do it then, if you're so sure," Jungkook says.
Hoseok tsks. "Non-transferrable assignments, kid," he says. "Three minutes to go, better go with your guts."
It sounds so easy when you put it like that. Fine, watch Jungkook go with his guts. "Ah, right," he remembers. "How do I do this?"
"Touch, and pull."
Jungkook repeats Hoseok's motion, muttering silently to himself, hoping he's doing it right. "I don't think it'll be sharp objects though," he says, tilting his head to the left. He turns to Hoseok. "Hyung, five thousand won says it'll be fire!"
Hoseok laughs. "Deal, but if it's bloody sharp object thingy then we go here one more time and take at least ten selfies!"
Jungkook groans. "Deal," he shakes Hoseok's hand and easily sneaks into the kitchen to find Hyunseung.
Jang Hyunseung smells like weed mixed with alcohol and bad decision, and all Jungkook's doubt leaves his body. This guy has death written all over his face, so Jungkook lightly touches and pulls, one minute before ETD.
Another Hyunseung appears next to him. This, Jungkook figures, is the soul he took. "Whoa, man," Soul Hyunseung says, "must've smoked good stuff this morning, I have two bodies!" He turns and high fives Jungkook. "Awesome!"
Jungkook grimaces. Before he could say anything, a loud thumping noise come from the other direction.
It's as if Jungkook can see in slow motion. There's Hyunseung, sprawled on his back on the floor. Probably slipped on that pool of liquid next to him. There's a hot frying pan in the air, along with pieces of bacon and eggs. There's gravity, and then a loud smack and quiet sizzle as the frying pan lands on Hyunseung's face.
Soul Hyunseung shrieks. "What the fuck, man?!"
Jungkook grimaces. "Uhh," he tries. "Welcome to the dead club?"
*
"I can't believe I only bet five thousand," Jungkook mourns as he accepts crumpled bills from Hoseok. "When did I become this lame."
Hoseok laughs good-naturedly. Jungkook guesses that he isn't that annoying. He was kind of fun to hang out with. "Just be glad I pay," he says. "It wasn't even fire."
"Yeah, well, heat, fire, sizzling hot frying pan, same thing."
"Poor guy lost his face," Hoseok half-laughs, "shame, he was kinda cute."
Jungkook laughs. "Yeah, not anymore."
"Guys, you know I'm dead, not deaf, right?"
pg-13 | ~1.5k
Dead or undead, Jungkook hates assignments all the same. "Assignment?"
"Your soul to collect," Namjoon tells him. Jungkook's eyes widen as if trying to say why. "You're a grim reaper? It's your job?"
[!] character death
note: second ~episode~ of a dead like me au thing with queenofhunter93, first ep is here!
Now that he's dead, or, well, fine, undead, Jungkook was hoping that at least breakfast would come for free. Sadly, nothing in life, and apparently makeshift-afterlife, is free. His breakfast bill this time comes in the form of a pink post-it, handed to him with a grunt from Namjoon. It takes Jungkook over two minutes of scrutinizing the terrible handwriting before finally realizing that it's an initial, an address, and a timestamp.
ㅈㅎㅅ
314-6, Sangogsam-dong
Bupyeong-gu
Incheon
ETD 04:41 pm
"Hyung, honestly," a guy to Jungkook's left, Jimin, he thinks the name is, pouts and whines, "learn to write." Jungkook remembers Namjoon telling him yesterday that Jimin, too, is an undead. Jungkook is still trying to wrap his mind around it, because if anything, Jimin looks more like a baby delivery stork than a grim reaper.
Shouts of agreement come from all around the table. Seokjin pats his back in consolation as Namjoon mutters every single fucking day under his breath.
"One of these days we're gonna take the wrong person because of your writing," Hoseok, another undead Jungkook just got to know this morning, points out. Solemn nods everywhere.
"Like your writing's any better," retorts Namjoon. Hoseok makes an overdramatic hurt expression. "If you can't read your post-it, come here," Namjoon says. Everyone avoids his eyes and stares at their papers. "See, you're only protesting for the sake of protesting."
While everyone mumbles complaints under their breath, Jungkook decides to ask the most important question. "What's this?"
"Ah right, newbie," Hoseok coos in a high-pitched voice. It's annoying, to say the least. "It's your assignment!"
Jungkook frowns. Dead or undead, he hates assignments all the same. "Assignment?"
"Your soul to collect," Namjoon tells him. Jungkook's eyes widen as if trying to say why. "You're a grim reaper? It's your job?"
"Do we get paid?" is, of course, Jungkook's first reaction. He sounds inappropriately excited for someone whose supposed-job is taking people's soul, but whatever, man, money is money.
To Jungkook's dismay, "We don't," Yoongi, the only other person besides Namjoon who actually looks the part to be a grim reaper, answers. "We should," he adds with a pointed look at Namjoon and Seokjin's direction.
Namjoon scoffs. "It's public service, what we do," Seokjin tells Jungkook with a smile, PR style. He then turns to Yoongi with a stern look and the latter just shrugs. Jungkook wonders who it is they're servicing, exactly.
"Anyway, Hoseok, you're gonna take newbie," Namjoon orders. Hoseok claps in excitement and gives Jungkook a gummy smile. Jungkook shudders in his seat.
"Meeting's over!"
*
314-6, Sangogsam-dong is a cutesy little pastel pink diner near the airport. As soon as they enter, Hoseok squeals and forces Jungkook to join him in a selca. Jungkook tries to hide his disgust, both for the place and for Hoseok's extreme enthusiasm. He fails.
"This is how we look to other people," Hoseok holds up his phone, showing Jungkook a picture of two unfamiliar guys, one with an overjoyed expression and the other an unamused, kill-me-now face. A framed motivational quote hangs on the pink wall. Jungkook looks around. There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs, the picture behind him says. Jungkook scowls. The quote in Hoseok's selca says the same thing.
"That's us?" Jungkook repeats in disbelief. Hoseok nods, proud of his First Lesson for Newbie. Jungkook ignores him in favor of zooming in to his face in the selca. He has freckles. And droopy, sad-looking eyes. And a fucking bowl cut. He decides he can't look anymore and returns the phone to Hoseok.
Hoseok giggles, and mentions some orders at the waitress who comes over with a menu. "My treat, my pick," he tells Jungkook. "I hope you like nachos."
Jungkook sort of hates nachos, but well beggars can't be choosers. "So," he starts as the waitress walks away, "how does this work?"
"It's all about intuition," Hoseok says, feigning wisdom. "Check your post-it, look at your surrounding, then guess what's gonna happen."
Jungkook blinks. "Seriously," he deadpans. "Guess?"
"Yeah, well, death is a bit cryptic," Hoseok tells him. "Now, see, it's about twenty minutes 'til ETD, estimated time of death."
"Estimated time of death," Jungkook repeats, entirely skeptical at this point. "Okay, fine, whatever, then how do I know who it is?"
Hoseok looks at him, probably amused by Jungkook's misery. "You ask around," he says, suppressing his laugh. He laughs at Jungkook's reaction. "Notice details," he suggests, "see, our waitress has a nametag that says Jeon Hyosung, so it might be her."
"Might," Jungkook repeats. This is easily the worst job he's ever had. "So it might be Jung Hoseok?"
Hoseok looks at him, probably feeling torn between glad Jungkook knows his full name and scared that newbie is so eager to take his soul. "Technically, yeah," he says finally. "But I have no soul left in my body so it isn't me."
"Clearly."
Hoseok snorts. He looks around and points at the wall. "It might be him, too," Hoseok tells him. Jungkook looks at the face of Jang Hyunseung, May 2015's employee of the month.
"It's actually more fun to guess the cause than the person!" Hoseok encourages him. Jungkook doesn't really see the fun in taking souls, but lets Hoseok continue. "For example, the most common causes in restaurants are food poisoning and choking, so look for people who are eating too fast and subtly ask for their name."
Jungkook examines the people in the diner. He silently hopes that it'll be the couple on table 3, who are actually trying to eat spaghetti a la Lady and the Tramp. Maybe they can choke on their meatballs and die so the PDA would stop. But probably not. Life is never that good to him.
Jungkook explores other probabilities. Maybe it will be the guy at table 12. Cause of death: too much pepper on his sandwich. Honestly. Just dump the entire contents of the shaker, why don't you.
Or maybe, maybe it's Jung Hoseok. One can hope.
Jungkook probably reeks of desperation, because Hoseok comes to the rescue. "Observe," he says, pointing at a table in the corner of the diner. "Man in table 1 has been gripping his knife with way too much force, so you can assume that his girlfriend cheated on him and he's gonna kill her once she arrives."
Well that escalated quickly. Jungkook stares at his mentor, trying to figure out if it was a joke. Jungkook fails to understand.
"Or, you know, it might be something simpler," Hoseok continues, "Miss Hyosung's stilettos are one size too big and the floor is slippery, she might trip and get stabbed by her shoes."
Will he ever get used to all this gory speculations, Jungkook asks himself. Hopefully not. Five minutes to ETD, zero progress. Excellent first day on the job.
"Oh, look! I found our guy!" Hoseok cheers suddenly.
"How? Where?"
"High as fuck dude in the kitchen," Hoseok points at, Jungkook supposes, Jang Hyunseung. He glides in the kitchen, maneuvering among forks and knives and other sharp objects with what looks like 1% sobriety. "I betcha it's him."
"You do it then, if you're so sure," Jungkook says.
Hoseok tsks. "Non-transferrable assignments, kid," he says. "Three minutes to go, better go with your guts."
It sounds so easy when you put it like that. Fine, watch Jungkook go with his guts. "Ah, right," he remembers. "How do I do this?"
"Touch, and pull."
Jungkook repeats Hoseok's motion, muttering silently to himself, hoping he's doing it right. "I don't think it'll be sharp objects though," he says, tilting his head to the left. He turns to Hoseok. "Hyung, five thousand won says it'll be fire!"
Hoseok laughs. "Deal, but if it's bloody sharp object thingy then we go here one more time and take at least ten selfies!"
Jungkook groans. "Deal," he shakes Hoseok's hand and easily sneaks into the kitchen to find Hyunseung.
Jang Hyunseung smells like weed mixed with alcohol and bad decision, and all Jungkook's doubt leaves his body. This guy has death written all over his face, so Jungkook lightly touches and pulls, one minute before ETD.
Another Hyunseung appears next to him. This, Jungkook figures, is the soul he took. "Whoa, man," Soul Hyunseung says, "must've smoked good stuff this morning, I have two bodies!" He turns and high fives Jungkook. "Awesome!"
Jungkook grimaces. Before he could say anything, a loud thumping noise come from the other direction.
It's as if Jungkook can see in slow motion. There's Hyunseung, sprawled on his back on the floor. Probably slipped on that pool of liquid next to him. There's a hot frying pan in the air, along with pieces of bacon and eggs. There's gravity, and then a loud smack and quiet sizzle as the frying pan lands on Hyunseung's face.
Soul Hyunseung shrieks. "What the fuck, man?!"
Jungkook grimaces. "Uhh," he tries. "Welcome to the dead club?"
*
"I can't believe I only bet five thousand," Jungkook mourns as he accepts crumpled bills from Hoseok. "When did I become this lame."
Hoseok laughs good-naturedly. Jungkook guesses that he isn't that annoying. He was kind of fun to hang out with. "Just be glad I pay," he says. "It wasn't even fire."
"Yeah, well, heat, fire, sizzling hot frying pan, same thing."
"Poor guy lost his face," Hoseok half-laughs, "shame, he was kinda cute."
Jungkook laughs. "Yeah, not anymore."
"Guys, you know I'm dead, not deaf, right?"