Boots, Hats and Spurs 1/5
Title: Boots, Hats and Spurs 1/5
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine to tame, but I'm gonna try to ride 'em anyway. :)
Summary: You can't ever go home again. Ever.
Warning: Angst. I strongly suggest you have tissues handy.
Chapter 1:
this is where my grandma lives, and where i was while i wrote this fic
Yoochun hefted another bale up on the back of the trailer as it lugged along. His father sat, half turned, on the tractor moving slowly next to the line of hay bales. On the trailer, Yoohwan took the bale and added it to the growing pile. It was two bales high already, and this was their fourth load of the day.
The sun, no longer at its peak, was still hot on the skin and both brothers had stripped off their shirts long ago. Yoohwan had wrapped his on his forehead to keep the sweat from his eyes. His cowboy hat had blown off a while ago, but their dad would kill him if he tried to fetch it. Yoochun had shoved his shirt into the top of his pants.
The sweat from his head wasn't a problem, but it was dripping down his arms and his hands inside his work gloves were wet. But they were almost done with this field.
He hefted another bale of hay.
"Yoochun!" He looked at his brother. One hand blocked the sun from his eyes and the other pointed to the east. Yoochun turned around.
A cloud of dust was headed up the road about a mile away. It turned down the Kim's road. With such a large family, seeing a car on the road wasn't strange. He started to wonder why Yoohwan called his attention to it, and then the sun glinted off bright red paint.
No one at the Kims had a red car, and it definitely wasn't Junsu's red pickup truck. Probably one of the girls’ boyfriends.
"Yoochun!" his father shouted.
He jerked alert, grabbing the next bale and settled back into the chore. Mystery car forgotten.
|_K_|
The sun painted the sky a deep red, orange. The clouds were pink. The air cool. Yoochun, on top of a stake of hay seven bales high, straightened the last bale of the day. His father had been a few bales down, his brother hoisting them up to him. In a couple days, they'd need the Kim twins to help stack.
"You two head over to the stables. Bucky and Rixie are restless today. And no going to the Kims’. I want you home in an hour."
"Yes, sir," they both said.
The sky turned a dark blue as they made their way to the stables.
"Chunnie?"
"Huh?"
"When are you going to get out of this place?"
Yoochun rolled his eyes. It was a common question from his brother's mouth. "I don't want to get out of here."
Yoohwan frowned. "I applied to Stanford, Berekly, couple other California schools."
"Does Mom know?"
"No. I-I want to wait and see."
Yoochun nodded. He held the door to the stables open for his little brother. Only one light shone in the darkness, and then Yoowhan turned on another. Yoochun took a deep breath of the smell of hay, leather, oil and manure. It smelled like home to him.
As he neared her stall, Rixie whinnied. He ducked under the gate.
"Hey, girl," he whispered.
She snorted and stamped and tossed her head when Yoochun grabbed her halter.
"Shh, girl, it's alright." He held out his palm. Her lips closed over the sugar cube. "Good girl. Come on. Lets go stretch those racing legs."
She snorted again, like she understood the joke. Rixie was ten years old, way beyond any dreams of racing.
Yoochun led her out of the stall and to the tack room. Yoohwan already had Bucky saddled.
"Quick, little bro," Yoochun said as he threw a blanket over Rixie's back.
"I don't stop to flirt with the horses."
Yoochun laughed.
"She likes it."
"I'll bet."
Yoochun lifted the saddle, settling it evenly on the blanket. He tightened the belt around the horse's middle. He adjusted the stirrups, gave the saddle a tug to make sure it was straight. He took a bridle off the wall and slipped it over her head, sliding the bit in her mouth.
"Good ol' girl," Yoochun said and slapped her rump. He gripped the saddle horn, put a foot in the stirrup and hoisted himself into the saddle. He clucked his tongue and nudged Rixie in the ribs. Her shod hooves clinked on the concrete floor, and then they were outside, under the blackening sky, already littered with stars. They rode in silence. Lights twinkled on a far hill. The Kims were their closest neighbors. Yoochun remembered the mysterious red car and wondered who it could be. Well, his mom would know by morning.
Yoochun thought about his brother leaving. He didn't mind. He'd sure miss him, but farming wasn't for everyone. Yoochun liked it. He liked the quiet accomplished feel of working with his hands, producing food and shelter from his own hard work. But he would not begrudge his brother the opportunity to leave. He was nineteen already, just two years younger than Yoochun. Yoohwan had much better grades in high school than Yoochun ever managed.
"I hope you get accepted," Yoochun said.
"Really?" He nodded.
"Yeah. It'll be a good opportunity for you. You're bigger than this town."
"Thanks, bro."
After a half hour, they headed back to the stalls. They unsaddled their rides, rubbed them down. After securing them inside, they each took a row and made sure all the horses had enough hay and water. Yoochun was starving. Dinner was always eaten late on summer days.
"Race you home?"
Yoochun smiled. "You're on. Loser has to muck in the morning."
With that incentive, they took off. Yoohwan stumbled on a loose rock, and Yoochun took advantage, beating his brother by only a few lengths.
"Damn it," he muttered.
They kicked off their boots in the utility room, and hung up their hats. Their parents already sat in the living room, watching the news.
"Yoohwan is mucking in the morning!" Yoochun called out.
"You both are," their father said. "I have to go into town and get a new belt for the tractor. It's whining."
Yoochun swore under his breath. But at least they'd have a break from haying in the morning.
The brothers filled up plates of chicken and potatoes, left warm on the stove. Yoochun finished first and started on the dishes. Yoohwan rinsed and dried them as soon as he was done.
"I call shower first!" Yoohwan said.
Yoochun nodded. "Don't be too long."
"I won't."
Yoochun headed for the side door, wanting the peacefulness of the country at night.
"Oh, Yoochun," his mom said. "I almost forgot. The Kim boy is visiting his parents."
"Huh?"
"Your friend from school. The one that ran off."
"Jaejoong?" Yoochun said, voice cracking in disbelief.
"Yeah."
Yoochun changed directions, running to the utility room. He shoved his feet into his boots.
"Its after nine!" his mom protested.
Yoochun slammed the door on her last word. He jumped into his pickup, turned it on, popped the clutch and tore out of their drive, tossing gravel behind him. He turned on his lights only to keep from hitting any stray deer. He could drive to the Kims blindfolded. He turned down their road, taking the corners too fast but not caring.
Jaejoong was back. Jaejoong, who he hadn't seen and barely talked to for three years, was back.
All the lights at the Kim house were on, and he could see them moving inside. His lights illuminated a bright red car as he turned into their drive and skid to a stop. He killed the engine. Shaking, he climbed out of the car. It was a nice car, a Mustang, and Yoochun’s fingers itched to get under the hood.
A figure stood at the darkened end of the porch. He lifted a burning ember to his lips.
Yoochun's boots crunched on the gravel and then thudded on the wooden steps. He was barely breathing, barely daring to hope. The figure exhaled, the cloud of smoke visible in the dark. Yoochun waited until he was next to the man, next to him and able to see those big eyes.
"Jaejoong?" it was more a question because with the other in front of him, Yoochun wanted to be sure.
"Hey," he whispered.
"Jaejoong," this one a rush of breath, an exhale of his name, and Yoochun hugged him tightly, gasping, arms around his neck.
A tentative arm wrapped around him.
Jaejoong pushed him away. "You fucking stink."
Yoochun grinned. "I've been loading hay all day."
"Quite a welcome. Coming over all smelly."
Yoochun scoffed. "Sorry. Best friend I haven't seen for three years is in town. I was excited."
"You could have showered first."
He took another drag on the cigarette and then offered it to Yoochun. He hadn't had a cigarette for over a year. But he took it and sucked in a lung full of smoke. He let it out slowly.
"Only back a few hours and already corrupting the locals."
They both turned to the girl’s voice. One of Jaejoong's sisters.
"Hello, Soonmin," Yoochun said.
"Hi, Yoochun. I'm surprised you weren't here when Jae showed up."
"I didn't know he was coming."
"No one did."
"What's the occasion?" Yoochun asked Jaejoong.
"Reconnecting with the roots."
Yoochun scoffed again. It may have been three years but Yoochun could still tell when Jaejoong was evading something. He tossed the cigarette away. Yoochun sighed in annoyance and walked down to it and snuffed it out with his foot.
"Walk with me," Jae said and grabbed Yoochun's arm. Jae walked faster than him, and as he passed through the light, Yoochun caught sight of his clothes. Sleek black pants, the bottoms scuffed with dust already. His shirt was bright green, tucked in. He was wearing fashionable boots with a heel.
Yoochun caught up with him. Before, he'd have no problem throwing his arm around jaejoong's shoulders, but now he was nervous. "So, what's a city boy like you doing in a place like this?"
Jaejoong laughed. "It took you ten minutes to hit on me. You feeling okay?"
Yoochun laughed with him. And just like that the tension was gone. He slung an arm over Jae's shoulders.
"I've missed you." Jae leaned on his shoulder.
"Missed you, too."
"Is this the part where I ask what's really wrong, or the part where we walk under the stars until you start talking?"
Jae didn't reply.
They walked in silence, past the Kims stables. Up the road, past the tree where they'd smoked their first joint. Past the series of gullies they used to ride dirt bikes over. Around the fields. Yoochun wasn't sure how long they walked. They shared a cigarette.
Jae stopped. He ducked out from under Yoochun's arm. He put his elbows on the wooden fence of the pig sty. "God, this place stinks."
"Pigs will do that."
He turned around, still leaning on his elbows. The moon had risen while they walked. It made the angles of his face sharp. Handsome.
"This whole place stinks. You smell like a vase of flowers compared to the rest of it."
"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."
Jae laughed, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. This gesture more than any other made Yoochun's throat close, and he stepped a bit closer.
"You try to steal a kiss next to this pig sty and I'm going to slap you."
Yoochun laughed. "Where can I steal a kiss?"
"How about we skip that and go up to the hay loft?"
"No. I am definitely showering before we do that," Yoochun said as his cock stirred.
Jae stalked over to him. He grabbed fistfulls of Yoochun's shirt. "What if I don't want to wait that long?"
And Jae pressed their lips together, hard insistent. Yoochun put his arms around him, shaking. He pulled back only far enough to readjust, and then kissed him again, lips open. Jae moaned, his tongue sliding on Yoochun's lower lip. Their tongues touched. After a moment, Yoochun pulled away and pressed their foreheads together.
"Why do you do this to me?"
"Do what? Turn you on, drive you crazy, piss you off-"
"Make me love you."
Jaejoong grinned. "Because I’m irrisistable."
Yoochun nodded. “Even after three years.”
They kissed again, and then Yoochun sighed. "I hate to spoil this moment-"
"No, you don't."
Yoochun glared but kept talking. "Why are you here?"
Jae ran his hands on Yoochun's chest. "You've bulked up," he whispered.
Yoochun took his hands. His soft, pampered hands. They were pale against his rugged, dirty ones with dirt and grease caked under them, nails broken. All of Jae's nails were even, and they sparkled in the moonlight.
Yoochun brought up one hand and kissed the palm. "You've gotten prettier."
Jae chuckled. He snatched a hand free and smacked his shoulder. "Don't call me pretty."
"You keep changing the subject."
Jae sighed. "I-i ... god damn it."
Yoochun touched his cheek softly.
Jae leaned into it. "I'm only here for two days. I-i ... I'm going to Paris."
Yoochun swallowed. "For how long?"
"I'm not coming back."
Silence.
"I've been offered a five year contract to model for a French designer. My plane leaves on Thursday."
Yoochun couldn't breathe. He backed away from Jaejoong and turned his back. He'd let Jae go 'find himself' three years ago always knowing he'd be back when he realized that the city held nothing for him. Nothing. But it had held something for someone with Jae's looks. He remembered the phone call four months after he'd left, the excited voice saying he had a modeling gig. Arms wrapped around him from behind.
"Come with me."
Yoochun laughed.
"You know I can't."
"Why? Duty, obligation-"
Yoochun pried his arms away. "I don't want to."
"But, Chunnie-"
"No, Jae. We've fought over this before. I like this life. I like it."
Jae gestured around him. "There's nothing here. How can you like being here?"
Yoochun sighed. "I am not explaining this to you again."
"I know. I was going to leave. Without saying goodbye. I-I'm glad I came."
"Well, that makes one of us." Yoochun started walking away.
"Chunnie-"
"You said you'd come back."
"People change."
"I haven't."
"You could."
"I don't want to."
Jae fell in step with him. Nothing was said until Yoochun got to his truck. Jae put himself between him and the door. They held eye contact.
Yoochun touched his cheek again. "You're gorgeous, Jae. Go break some European hearts for awhile. Mine can't take it."
Jae shut his eyes. "I'm sorry, Chunnie. I can't stay here. I can't live here and muck stables and slaughter pigs and castrate horses."
"I know." Yoochun leaned in for a kiss, but shot a look at the house. It wasn't worth the risk.
“Somewhere, everywhere I'll always love you."
Jae moved and Yoochun climbed in his truck. Before he'd pulled away, Jae had turned his back to go inside. Yoochun drove home, breathing deeply. The house was dark, save for the porch light. He went to the bed of his truck and lay down, staring at the stars.
Comparatively speaking, it didn't hurt nearly as much as it should have. At nineteen, Yoochun still thought Jae was coming back. At twenty, Jae was a dream at night. Earlier today, Jae had been a passing thought.
"Chun?"
"Hey, Hwannie."
"How's Jaejoong?"
"He's going to Paris."
"Wow."
Yoohwan climbed into the bed and lay with him. He was the only one who knew about Yoochun and Jaejoong. He'd walked in on them once.
"What are doing awake?" Yoochun asked.
"Katie called."
"Ah. And?"
"I told her about going away for school, and then spent two hours convincing her I wasn't serious. That I'd never leave here."
"Don't hang on to something that isn't ever going to happen."
Yoohwan scoffed.
"Like you?"
"Yeah."
"You okay?"
"Surprisingly, yes."
After a second of silence, Yoowhan said, "He still suck cock like he used to?"
Yoochun laughed. "Don't know. We didn't get that far."
"He breaks your heart and doesn't make you feel better afterward? Now that is low."
Yoochun slugged his shoulder. "Come on. Let's go to bed."
Chapter 2: Not Here
.
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine to tame, but I'm gonna try to ride 'em anyway. :)
Summary: You can't ever go home again. Ever.
Warning: Angst. I strongly suggest you have tissues handy.
Chapter 1:
this is where my grandma lives, and where i was while i wrote this fic
Yoochun hefted another bale up on the back of the trailer as it lugged along. His father sat, half turned, on the tractor moving slowly next to the line of hay bales. On the trailer, Yoohwan took the bale and added it to the growing pile. It was two bales high already, and this was their fourth load of the day.
The sun, no longer at its peak, was still hot on the skin and both brothers had stripped off their shirts long ago. Yoohwan had wrapped his on his forehead to keep the sweat from his eyes. His cowboy hat had blown off a while ago, but their dad would kill him if he tried to fetch it. Yoochun had shoved his shirt into the top of his pants.
The sweat from his head wasn't a problem, but it was dripping down his arms and his hands inside his work gloves were wet. But they were almost done with this field.
He hefted another bale of hay.
"Yoochun!" He looked at his brother. One hand blocked the sun from his eyes and the other pointed to the east. Yoochun turned around.
A cloud of dust was headed up the road about a mile away. It turned down the Kim's road. With such a large family, seeing a car on the road wasn't strange. He started to wonder why Yoohwan called his attention to it, and then the sun glinted off bright red paint.
No one at the Kims had a red car, and it definitely wasn't Junsu's red pickup truck. Probably one of the girls’ boyfriends.
"Yoochun!" his father shouted.
He jerked alert, grabbing the next bale and settled back into the chore. Mystery car forgotten.
|_K_|
The sun painted the sky a deep red, orange. The clouds were pink. The air cool. Yoochun, on top of a stake of hay seven bales high, straightened the last bale of the day. His father had been a few bales down, his brother hoisting them up to him. In a couple days, they'd need the Kim twins to help stack.
"You two head over to the stables. Bucky and Rixie are restless today. And no going to the Kims’. I want you home in an hour."
"Yes, sir," they both said.
The sky turned a dark blue as they made their way to the stables.
"Chunnie?"
"Huh?"
"When are you going to get out of this place?"
Yoochun rolled his eyes. It was a common question from his brother's mouth. "I don't want to get out of here."
Yoohwan frowned. "I applied to Stanford, Berekly, couple other California schools."
"Does Mom know?"
"No. I-I want to wait and see."
Yoochun nodded. He held the door to the stables open for his little brother. Only one light shone in the darkness, and then Yoowhan turned on another. Yoochun took a deep breath of the smell of hay, leather, oil and manure. It smelled like home to him.
As he neared her stall, Rixie whinnied. He ducked under the gate.
"Hey, girl," he whispered.
She snorted and stamped and tossed her head when Yoochun grabbed her halter.
"Shh, girl, it's alright." He held out his palm. Her lips closed over the sugar cube. "Good girl. Come on. Lets go stretch those racing legs."
She snorted again, like she understood the joke. Rixie was ten years old, way beyond any dreams of racing.
Yoochun led her out of the stall and to the tack room. Yoohwan already had Bucky saddled.
"Quick, little bro," Yoochun said as he threw a blanket over Rixie's back.
"I don't stop to flirt with the horses."
Yoochun laughed.
"She likes it."
"I'll bet."
Yoochun lifted the saddle, settling it evenly on the blanket. He tightened the belt around the horse's middle. He adjusted the stirrups, gave the saddle a tug to make sure it was straight. He took a bridle off the wall and slipped it over her head, sliding the bit in her mouth.
"Good ol' girl," Yoochun said and slapped her rump. He gripped the saddle horn, put a foot in the stirrup and hoisted himself into the saddle. He clucked his tongue and nudged Rixie in the ribs. Her shod hooves clinked on the concrete floor, and then they were outside, under the blackening sky, already littered with stars. They rode in silence. Lights twinkled on a far hill. The Kims were their closest neighbors. Yoochun remembered the mysterious red car and wondered who it could be. Well, his mom would know by morning.
Yoochun thought about his brother leaving. He didn't mind. He'd sure miss him, but farming wasn't for everyone. Yoochun liked it. He liked the quiet accomplished feel of working with his hands, producing food and shelter from his own hard work. But he would not begrudge his brother the opportunity to leave. He was nineteen already, just two years younger than Yoochun. Yoohwan had much better grades in high school than Yoochun ever managed.
"I hope you get accepted," Yoochun said.
"Really?" He nodded.
"Yeah. It'll be a good opportunity for you. You're bigger than this town."
"Thanks, bro."
After a half hour, they headed back to the stalls. They unsaddled their rides, rubbed them down. After securing them inside, they each took a row and made sure all the horses had enough hay and water. Yoochun was starving. Dinner was always eaten late on summer days.
"Race you home?"
Yoochun smiled. "You're on. Loser has to muck in the morning."
With that incentive, they took off. Yoohwan stumbled on a loose rock, and Yoochun took advantage, beating his brother by only a few lengths.
"Damn it," he muttered.
They kicked off their boots in the utility room, and hung up their hats. Their parents already sat in the living room, watching the news.
"Yoohwan is mucking in the morning!" Yoochun called out.
"You both are," their father said. "I have to go into town and get a new belt for the tractor. It's whining."
Yoochun swore under his breath. But at least they'd have a break from haying in the morning.
The brothers filled up plates of chicken and potatoes, left warm on the stove. Yoochun finished first and started on the dishes. Yoohwan rinsed and dried them as soon as he was done.
"I call shower first!" Yoohwan said.
Yoochun nodded. "Don't be too long."
"I won't."
Yoochun headed for the side door, wanting the peacefulness of the country at night.
"Oh, Yoochun," his mom said. "I almost forgot. The Kim boy is visiting his parents."
"Huh?"
"Your friend from school. The one that ran off."
"Jaejoong?" Yoochun said, voice cracking in disbelief.
"Yeah."
Yoochun changed directions, running to the utility room. He shoved his feet into his boots.
"Its after nine!" his mom protested.
Yoochun slammed the door on her last word. He jumped into his pickup, turned it on, popped the clutch and tore out of their drive, tossing gravel behind him. He turned on his lights only to keep from hitting any stray deer. He could drive to the Kims blindfolded. He turned down their road, taking the corners too fast but not caring.
Jaejoong was back. Jaejoong, who he hadn't seen and barely talked to for three years, was back.
All the lights at the Kim house were on, and he could see them moving inside. His lights illuminated a bright red car as he turned into their drive and skid to a stop. He killed the engine. Shaking, he climbed out of the car. It was a nice car, a Mustang, and Yoochun’s fingers itched to get under the hood.
A figure stood at the darkened end of the porch. He lifted a burning ember to his lips.
Yoochun's boots crunched on the gravel and then thudded on the wooden steps. He was barely breathing, barely daring to hope. The figure exhaled, the cloud of smoke visible in the dark. Yoochun waited until he was next to the man, next to him and able to see those big eyes.
"Jaejoong?" it was more a question because with the other in front of him, Yoochun wanted to be sure.
"Hey," he whispered.
"Jaejoong," this one a rush of breath, an exhale of his name, and Yoochun hugged him tightly, gasping, arms around his neck.
A tentative arm wrapped around him.
Jaejoong pushed him away. "You fucking stink."
Yoochun grinned. "I've been loading hay all day."
"Quite a welcome. Coming over all smelly."
Yoochun scoffed. "Sorry. Best friend I haven't seen for three years is in town. I was excited."
"You could have showered first."
He took another drag on the cigarette and then offered it to Yoochun. He hadn't had a cigarette for over a year. But he took it and sucked in a lung full of smoke. He let it out slowly.
"Only back a few hours and already corrupting the locals."
They both turned to the girl’s voice. One of Jaejoong's sisters.
"Hello, Soonmin," Yoochun said.
"Hi, Yoochun. I'm surprised you weren't here when Jae showed up."
"I didn't know he was coming."
"No one did."
"What's the occasion?" Yoochun asked Jaejoong.
"Reconnecting with the roots."
Yoochun scoffed again. It may have been three years but Yoochun could still tell when Jaejoong was evading something. He tossed the cigarette away. Yoochun sighed in annoyance and walked down to it and snuffed it out with his foot.
"Walk with me," Jae said and grabbed Yoochun's arm. Jae walked faster than him, and as he passed through the light, Yoochun caught sight of his clothes. Sleek black pants, the bottoms scuffed with dust already. His shirt was bright green, tucked in. He was wearing fashionable boots with a heel.
Yoochun caught up with him. Before, he'd have no problem throwing his arm around jaejoong's shoulders, but now he was nervous. "So, what's a city boy like you doing in a place like this?"
Jaejoong laughed. "It took you ten minutes to hit on me. You feeling okay?"
Yoochun laughed with him. And just like that the tension was gone. He slung an arm over Jae's shoulders.
"I've missed you." Jae leaned on his shoulder.
"Missed you, too."
"Is this the part where I ask what's really wrong, or the part where we walk under the stars until you start talking?"
Jae didn't reply.
They walked in silence, past the Kims stables. Up the road, past the tree where they'd smoked their first joint. Past the series of gullies they used to ride dirt bikes over. Around the fields. Yoochun wasn't sure how long they walked. They shared a cigarette.
Jae stopped. He ducked out from under Yoochun's arm. He put his elbows on the wooden fence of the pig sty. "God, this place stinks."
"Pigs will do that."
He turned around, still leaning on his elbows. The moon had risen while they walked. It made the angles of his face sharp. Handsome.
"This whole place stinks. You smell like a vase of flowers compared to the rest of it."
"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."
Jae laughed, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. This gesture more than any other made Yoochun's throat close, and he stepped a bit closer.
"You try to steal a kiss next to this pig sty and I'm going to slap you."
Yoochun laughed. "Where can I steal a kiss?"
"How about we skip that and go up to the hay loft?"
"No. I am definitely showering before we do that," Yoochun said as his cock stirred.
Jae stalked over to him. He grabbed fistfulls of Yoochun's shirt. "What if I don't want to wait that long?"
And Jae pressed their lips together, hard insistent. Yoochun put his arms around him, shaking. He pulled back only far enough to readjust, and then kissed him again, lips open. Jae moaned, his tongue sliding on Yoochun's lower lip. Their tongues touched. After a moment, Yoochun pulled away and pressed their foreheads together.
"Why do you do this to me?"
"Do what? Turn you on, drive you crazy, piss you off-"
"Make me love you."
Jaejoong grinned. "Because I’m irrisistable."
Yoochun nodded. “Even after three years.”
They kissed again, and then Yoochun sighed. "I hate to spoil this moment-"
"No, you don't."
Yoochun glared but kept talking. "Why are you here?"
Jae ran his hands on Yoochun's chest. "You've bulked up," he whispered.
Yoochun took his hands. His soft, pampered hands. They were pale against his rugged, dirty ones with dirt and grease caked under them, nails broken. All of Jae's nails were even, and they sparkled in the moonlight.
Yoochun brought up one hand and kissed the palm. "You've gotten prettier."
Jae chuckled. He snatched a hand free and smacked his shoulder. "Don't call me pretty."
"You keep changing the subject."
Jae sighed. "I-i ... god damn it."
Yoochun touched his cheek softly.
Jae leaned into it. "I'm only here for two days. I-i ... I'm going to Paris."
Yoochun swallowed. "For how long?"
"I'm not coming back."
Silence.
"I've been offered a five year contract to model for a French designer. My plane leaves on Thursday."
Yoochun couldn't breathe. He backed away from Jaejoong and turned his back. He'd let Jae go 'find himself' three years ago always knowing he'd be back when he realized that the city held nothing for him. Nothing. But it had held something for someone with Jae's looks. He remembered the phone call four months after he'd left, the excited voice saying he had a modeling gig. Arms wrapped around him from behind.
"Come with me."
Yoochun laughed.
"You know I can't."
"Why? Duty, obligation-"
Yoochun pried his arms away. "I don't want to."
"But, Chunnie-"
"No, Jae. We've fought over this before. I like this life. I like it."
Jae gestured around him. "There's nothing here. How can you like being here?"
Yoochun sighed. "I am not explaining this to you again."
"I know. I was going to leave. Without saying goodbye. I-I'm glad I came."
"Well, that makes one of us." Yoochun started walking away.
"Chunnie-"
"You said you'd come back."
"People change."
"I haven't."
"You could."
"I don't want to."
Jae fell in step with him. Nothing was said until Yoochun got to his truck. Jae put himself between him and the door. They held eye contact.
Yoochun touched his cheek again. "You're gorgeous, Jae. Go break some European hearts for awhile. Mine can't take it."
Jae shut his eyes. "I'm sorry, Chunnie. I can't stay here. I can't live here and muck stables and slaughter pigs and castrate horses."
"I know." Yoochun leaned in for a kiss, but shot a look at the house. It wasn't worth the risk.
“Somewhere, everywhere I'll always love you."
Jae moved and Yoochun climbed in his truck. Before he'd pulled away, Jae had turned his back to go inside. Yoochun drove home, breathing deeply. The house was dark, save for the porch light. He went to the bed of his truck and lay down, staring at the stars.
Comparatively speaking, it didn't hurt nearly as much as it should have. At nineteen, Yoochun still thought Jae was coming back. At twenty, Jae was a dream at night. Earlier today, Jae had been a passing thought.
"Chun?"
"Hey, Hwannie."
"How's Jaejoong?"
"He's going to Paris."
"Wow."
Yoohwan climbed into the bed and lay with him. He was the only one who knew about Yoochun and Jaejoong. He'd walked in on them once.
"What are doing awake?" Yoochun asked.
"Katie called."
"Ah. And?"
"I told her about going away for school, and then spent two hours convincing her I wasn't serious. That I'd never leave here."
"Don't hang on to something that isn't ever going to happen."
Yoohwan scoffed.
"Like you?"
"Yeah."
"You okay?"
"Surprisingly, yes."
After a second of silence, Yoowhan said, "He still suck cock like he used to?"
Yoochun laughed. "Don't know. We didn't get that far."
"He breaks your heart and doesn't make you feel better afterward? Now that is low."
Yoochun slugged his shoulder. "Come on. Let's go to bed."
Chapter 2: Not Here
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