Shocking political incorrectness from across the pond...
I am ashamed to share British commentary with this with you it is so stereotypical. It is so politically incorrect. It is so debasing of gays and straights alike.
Pink is the new pinko
John O'Farrell
Friday February 27, 2004
The Guardian
First the enemy was the mighty Soviet Union, the "evil empire" with its massive nuclear arsenal and plans for world domination. Then came crazed fundamentalist terrorists backed by rogue dictators hiding weapons of mass destruction. But now America faces an even greater threat to its very survival - yes, it's Simon and Julian, the couple who run Shampoodle, the Pet Pamper Parlor.
For this week George Bush has put gay weddings at the top of the political agenda, proposing the radical step of an amendment to the American constitution. The crisis began on Monday when spy satellite photos clearly showed Simon and Julian choosing a wedding cake with two little men on top. Surveillance teams at the Pentagon reported increased present-buying in the soft furnishing department of Bloomingdale's by other suspected local gays and their allies (single women in their forties). Meanwhile, chemical experts reported that Simon and Julian were believed to be secretly stockpiling spumanti and cassis, which could be made into pink champagne within 45 minutes. A gay wedding might occur at any time; America is now in a state of pink alert.
This is clearly such a major political issue that it urgently requires a change in the American constitution. Now the famous document will read: "All men are created equal ... but when we say men we mean real men, who like a beer and a ball game and leering at cheerleaders, not the effeminate faggoty types who jog through Central Park in tiny silver shorts, not that I was looking at their butts, obviously." It will be the first constitutional amendment to be scrawled in green ink.
Meanwhile, the British Conservative party is suddenly heading in the other direction. This week the Tories announced that they were organising a gay summit in Westminster. Michael Howard recognises that there is a lot of ground to make up for a party in which safe sex means making absolutely sure you're wife can't find out. The Tories' understanding of gay culture may be a little outmoded, but they'll be doing their best based on their memories of boarding school.
"We're having my old Greek master giving descriptions of the male athletes running naked in the Olympic games." "Yes, and I'll be explaining that being a homosexual doesn't automatically mean that you went to Cambridge in the 1930s and then spied for the Russians." But the conference is a step in the right direction. Unlike the American right, the Conservatives are embracing the gay community because they have finally realised that there is nothing lower than trying to use fear and prejudice for narrow party advantage. (So don't vote Tory 'cos they're obviously a big bunch of poofs.)
But thanks largely to its militant Christian wing, the American right is stuck in the political stone age. By making a constitutional issue out of gay marriages, Bush is hoping to make his enemies become associated with homosexuality. He is relishing the moment when Democrat senators find themselves having to raise their hands to vote to defend the rights of gays, but trying to do so in the most macho manner possible. As the TV cameras swing around the room seeking a raised arm that displays any sign of a slightly limp wrist, the senators will all be chewing gum, while some will have their shirt sleeves rolled up to reveal a tattoo of a naked lady they'd hastily drawn on their arm in ballpoint pen.
"Hey, I really like cars and motorbikes and stuff like that, don't you?"
"Oh, yeah, definitely, and beer and swearing and football."
"Yeah, when all those big, muscly guys all pile on top of one another - damn, damn, I didn't say that!"
George Bush has finally come out of the closet about his homophobia. He has sat his parents down and said: "Mom, Dad, there's something I have to tell you. I think I may be homophobic."
"Are you sure, son? stammered his mother. "I mean, it might just be a phase."
I know in these days of political correctness one is supposed to be tolerant and broad-minded, but I'm sorry, I just think it's disgusting. I mean these Christian Republicans. I don't mind them having these views in private, but why do they have to flaunt them so openly? What they say to each other about gays behind locked doors is their own business, but now you get them ostentatiously parading their anti-gay views, and boasting about it on the television. I mean, what if children were to hear?
Bush knows that there is no real chance of a constitutional change this side of the presidential election. He is just seeking to boost his poll rating by stirring up hatred against a completely harmless minority. The issue is a complete Aunt Sally. Or should that be Uncle Sally?
Pink is the new pinko
John O'Farrell
Friday February 27, 2004
The Guardian
First the enemy was the mighty Soviet Union, the "evil empire" with its massive nuclear arsenal and plans for world domination. Then came crazed fundamentalist terrorists backed by rogue dictators hiding weapons of mass destruction. But now America faces an even greater threat to its very survival - yes, it's Simon and Julian, the couple who run Shampoodle, the Pet Pamper Parlor.
For this week George Bush has put gay weddings at the top of the political agenda, proposing the radical step of an amendment to the American constitution. The crisis began on Monday when spy satellite photos clearly showed Simon and Julian choosing a wedding cake with two little men on top. Surveillance teams at the Pentagon reported increased present-buying in the soft furnishing department of Bloomingdale's by other suspected local gays and their allies (single women in their forties). Meanwhile, chemical experts reported that Simon and Julian were believed to be secretly stockpiling spumanti and cassis, which could be made into pink champagne within 45 minutes. A gay wedding might occur at any time; America is now in a state of pink alert.
This is clearly such a major political issue that it urgently requires a change in the American constitution. Now the famous document will read: "All men are created equal ... but when we say men we mean real men, who like a beer and a ball game and leering at cheerleaders, not the effeminate faggoty types who jog through Central Park in tiny silver shorts, not that I was looking at their butts, obviously." It will be the first constitutional amendment to be scrawled in green ink.
Meanwhile, the British Conservative party is suddenly heading in the other direction. This week the Tories announced that they were organising a gay summit in Westminster. Michael Howard recognises that there is a lot of ground to make up for a party in which safe sex means making absolutely sure you're wife can't find out. The Tories' understanding of gay culture may be a little outmoded, but they'll be doing their best based on their memories of boarding school.
"We're having my old Greek master giving descriptions of the male athletes running naked in the Olympic games." "Yes, and I'll be explaining that being a homosexual doesn't automatically mean that you went to Cambridge in the 1930s and then spied for the Russians." But the conference is a step in the right direction. Unlike the American right, the Conservatives are embracing the gay community because they have finally realised that there is nothing lower than trying to use fear and prejudice for narrow party advantage. (So don't vote Tory 'cos they're obviously a big bunch of poofs.)
But thanks largely to its militant Christian wing, the American right is stuck in the political stone age. By making a constitutional issue out of gay marriages, Bush is hoping to make his enemies become associated with homosexuality. He is relishing the moment when Democrat senators find themselves having to raise their hands to vote to defend the rights of gays, but trying to do so in the most macho manner possible. As the TV cameras swing around the room seeking a raised arm that displays any sign of a slightly limp wrist, the senators will all be chewing gum, while some will have their shirt sleeves rolled up to reveal a tattoo of a naked lady they'd hastily drawn on their arm in ballpoint pen.
"Hey, I really like cars and motorbikes and stuff like that, don't you?"
"Oh, yeah, definitely, and beer and swearing and football."
"Yeah, when all those big, muscly guys all pile on top of one another - damn, damn, I didn't say that!"
George Bush has finally come out of the closet about his homophobia. He has sat his parents down and said: "Mom, Dad, there's something I have to tell you. I think I may be homophobic."
"Are you sure, son? stammered his mother. "I mean, it might just be a phase."
I know in these days of political correctness one is supposed to be tolerant and broad-minded, but I'm sorry, I just think it's disgusting. I mean these Christian Republicans. I don't mind them having these views in private, but why do they have to flaunt them so openly? What they say to each other about gays behind locked doors is their own business, but now you get them ostentatiously parading their anti-gay views, and boasting about it on the television. I mean, what if children were to hear?
Bush knows that there is no real chance of a constitutional change this side of the presidential election. He is just seeking to boost his poll rating by stirring up hatred against a completely harmless minority. The issue is a complete Aunt Sally. Or should that be Uncle Sally?