(no subject)
Fandom: Sherlock
Title: Eggs and Basketcases
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson
Word Count: 1020
Rating: G
Summary: Sherlock asks if John will ask Harry for a favour on his behalf. John is a little confused
Spoilers: None
John stared into Sherlock's expectant face wearily before setting his tea down carefully and rubbing the frown lines between his eyebrows with two fingers.
"I'm sorry, Sherlock, you're going to have to run that one past me again."
Sherlock recrossed his legs and huffed at him in annoyance.
"You know how I hate needless repetition, you heard me perfectly-"
John cut off the spiel he'd heard about a hundred times before.
"Um, yeah, just... you want me to ask my sister, my alcoholic sister, who is not as young as she used to be, on your behalf if she'd consider donating one of her ova to you and carrying your child... yeah, having a little bit of trouble with the whys and wherefores here, Sherlock."
Sherlock's face lit up.
"If your objection is that you don't think Harry could carry a healthy pregnancy to term, then you needn't worry. While I would, ideally, like her to carry the baby, as intrauterine insemination is considerably more effective than IVF, if needs be I have more than enough to employ a surrogate and pay for several rounds of IVF. Perhaps Molly would-"
"No... Sherlock, no, that's not what my objection is. Not my sole objection anyway. Sherlock, what is this all about? What do you need a baby for?"
Sherlock went quiet for a moment and drew his dressing gown tighter around himself.
"It's my understanding that no one ever needs a baby, but many chose to have one anyway." He spoke quickly as John opened his mouth to interrupt. "And I find the idea of having my own and your DNA combined very pleasing. If I do have a child, I want to have a Watson. Perhaps enough of you will offset me."
For a moment John was struck silent himself. It was such a... stupid, silly thing to say, but it was flattering in its own way. He hadn't thought that Sherlock thought so highly of him, or so little of himself for that matter. He'd at least have thought Sherlock knew enough about genetics and nature versus nurture that he'd know that his plan was far from fool proof. Combining Sherlock's worst qualities with his own would be a disaster, at any rate. Even if that were possible. He laughed quietly, attracting a curious look from Sherlock.
"Right, well if that's why, then you're not going to want to ask Harry. I'm adopted, Sherlock."
Sherlock rolled his eyes and unfolded his legs from underneath himself.
"No you're not, don't be absurd, I'd have noticed if you were.”
"I'm quite sure that I am, Sherlock."
This seemed to make him angry.
"No." Sherlock plucked John's own phone out of his dressing gown pocket and punching buttons furiously. "Don't lie to me if you don't think I'm good enough to be your nephew's father. Here, look, this picture is called 'Me and Clara' in your photo album, an old picture from before your sister gave you this phone and neither you nor she had the heart to delete it: sentiment,” he hissed the word disgustedly, as though he weren't being dangerously sentimental in asking John to allow him into his family. "This woman is clearly your biological sister. You share a nose, the shape of your eyes, the line of your chin, the colour of your hair-"
John sighed again. He hadn't wanted to tell this story, he really hadn't, but looking at Sherlock's flashing eyes and tight mouth and the slight shake in his hand as he held out the phone, thinking that John didn't think he was good enough to have anything to do with a baby that John was related to... he couldn't not tell him.
"True enough, Sherlock, that woman you're pointing to is my sister. My half sister. But that's not Harry, that's Clara."
The wheels in Sherlock's head spun almost audibly for several seconds behind his wide eyes before thudding to a sudden stop.
"Oh. Oh!"
"Yes, oh. When I was twenty two I tracked down my birth mother and found out that I had another sister. Well, half sister. I was so excited, I'd never gotten along with Harry and I thought that now, finally, I'd have a sister that did get on with me. Well, she and Harry got along like a house on fire. I was a bit put out, but happy enough, I suppose, when they got together, because I wanted to be close to Clara and if she was my sister in law then at least I'd see a lot more of her than if I'd just met up with her once every few years and we chatted awkwardly in some bloody cafe to avoid realising that we had nothing in common except half of our DNA."
He picked up his teacup again and stirred it needlessly, avoiding looking into Sherlock's eyes as he attempted to affect a sympathetic look but hit puzzled instead.
"And then they broke up. I suppose it's a bit childish to take that personally, isn't it?"
"It makes perfect sense to me."
He snorted and looked back, smiling slightly.
"That is not as comforting as it might be, unfortunately, knowing that you think I was perfectly justified in feeling that way. And by the way, no asking Clara for her bloody eggs, I haven't spoken to her in two and half years and I do want the option of speaking to her in the future."
They sat in silence for a long time, not quite looking at each other.
"It was... sweet, what you said, about wanting a baby with my DNA and yours, but you don't need to be related to someone to love them, Sherlock. They don't need to be related to me either, for you to love them.” Sherlock smiled wryly at him. "Really, it would make more sense for you to adopt a baby if you wanted it to have something in common with me. Besides, unless you're moving out and haven't told me, I'll probably have some influence on the little beast."
"Yes... that would be good."
Author's note: I wrote this with the intention that it could be read as gen, established relationship, or pre-slash. I do think, myself, that it's funniest when you read it as them not being in a relationship and Sherlock announcing something to the effect of, "I've decided to have your baby. I know what you're thinking: sperm we have aplenty, but ova and a uterus have we none, and the technology to grow ova from stem cells isn't available yet. But don't worry, I have a cunning plan..." but maybe that's just me.
Title: Eggs and Basketcases
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson
Word Count: 1020
Rating: G
Summary: Sherlock asks if John will ask Harry for a favour on his behalf. John is a little confused
Spoilers: None
John stared into Sherlock's expectant face wearily before setting his tea down carefully and rubbing the frown lines between his eyebrows with two fingers.
"I'm sorry, Sherlock, you're going to have to run that one past me again."
Sherlock recrossed his legs and huffed at him in annoyance.
"You know how I hate needless repetition, you heard me perfectly-"
John cut off the spiel he'd heard about a hundred times before.
"Um, yeah, just... you want me to ask my sister, my alcoholic sister, who is not as young as she used to be, on your behalf if she'd consider donating one of her ova to you and carrying your child... yeah, having a little bit of trouble with the whys and wherefores here, Sherlock."
Sherlock's face lit up.
"If your objection is that you don't think Harry could carry a healthy pregnancy to term, then you needn't worry. While I would, ideally, like her to carry the baby, as intrauterine insemination is considerably more effective than IVF, if needs be I have more than enough to employ a surrogate and pay for several rounds of IVF. Perhaps Molly would-"
"No... Sherlock, no, that's not what my objection is. Not my sole objection anyway. Sherlock, what is this all about? What do you need a baby for?"
Sherlock went quiet for a moment and drew his dressing gown tighter around himself.
"It's my understanding that no one ever needs a baby, but many chose to have one anyway." He spoke quickly as John opened his mouth to interrupt. "And I find the idea of having my own and your DNA combined very pleasing. If I do have a child, I want to have a Watson. Perhaps enough of you will offset me."
For a moment John was struck silent himself. It was such a... stupid, silly thing to say, but it was flattering in its own way. He hadn't thought that Sherlock thought so highly of him, or so little of himself for that matter. He'd at least have thought Sherlock knew enough about genetics and nature versus nurture that he'd know that his plan was far from fool proof. Combining Sherlock's worst qualities with his own would be a disaster, at any rate. Even if that were possible. He laughed quietly, attracting a curious look from Sherlock.
"Right, well if that's why, then you're not going to want to ask Harry. I'm adopted, Sherlock."
Sherlock rolled his eyes and unfolded his legs from underneath himself.
"No you're not, don't be absurd, I'd have noticed if you were.”
"I'm quite sure that I am, Sherlock."
This seemed to make him angry.
"No." Sherlock plucked John's own phone out of his dressing gown pocket and punching buttons furiously. "Don't lie to me if you don't think I'm good enough to be your nephew's father. Here, look, this picture is called 'Me and Clara' in your photo album, an old picture from before your sister gave you this phone and neither you nor she had the heart to delete it: sentiment,” he hissed the word disgustedly, as though he weren't being dangerously sentimental in asking John to allow him into his family. "This woman is clearly your biological sister. You share a nose, the shape of your eyes, the line of your chin, the colour of your hair-"
John sighed again. He hadn't wanted to tell this story, he really hadn't, but looking at Sherlock's flashing eyes and tight mouth and the slight shake in his hand as he held out the phone, thinking that John didn't think he was good enough to have anything to do with a baby that John was related to... he couldn't not tell him.
"True enough, Sherlock, that woman you're pointing to is my sister. My half sister. But that's not Harry, that's Clara."
The wheels in Sherlock's head spun almost audibly for several seconds behind his wide eyes before thudding to a sudden stop.
"Oh. Oh!"
"Yes, oh. When I was twenty two I tracked down my birth mother and found out that I had another sister. Well, half sister. I was so excited, I'd never gotten along with Harry and I thought that now, finally, I'd have a sister that did get on with me. Well, she and Harry got along like a house on fire. I was a bit put out, but happy enough, I suppose, when they got together, because I wanted to be close to Clara and if she was my sister in law then at least I'd see a lot more of her than if I'd just met up with her once every few years and we chatted awkwardly in some bloody cafe to avoid realising that we had nothing in common except half of our DNA."
He picked up his teacup again and stirred it needlessly, avoiding looking into Sherlock's eyes as he attempted to affect a sympathetic look but hit puzzled instead.
"And then they broke up. I suppose it's a bit childish to take that personally, isn't it?"
"It makes perfect sense to me."
He snorted and looked back, smiling slightly.
"That is not as comforting as it might be, unfortunately, knowing that you think I was perfectly justified in feeling that way. And by the way, no asking Clara for her bloody eggs, I haven't spoken to her in two and half years and I do want the option of speaking to her in the future."
They sat in silence for a long time, not quite looking at each other.
"It was... sweet, what you said, about wanting a baby with my DNA and yours, but you don't need to be related to someone to love them, Sherlock. They don't need to be related to me either, for you to love them.” Sherlock smiled wryly at him. "Really, it would make more sense for you to adopt a baby if you wanted it to have something in common with me. Besides, unless you're moving out and haven't told me, I'll probably have some influence on the little beast."
"Yes... that would be good."
Author's note: I wrote this with the intention that it could be read as gen, established relationship, or pre-slash. I do think, myself, that it's funniest when you read it as them not being in a relationship and Sherlock announcing something to the effect of, "I've decided to have your baby. I know what you're thinking: sperm we have aplenty, but ova and a uterus have we none, and the technology to grow ova from stem cells isn't available yet. But don't worry, I have a cunning plan..." but maybe that's just me.