i now realize that the problem is that she doesn't see me as extraordinary...

i'm sitting here in the service desk of suffolk. i'm on duty tonight. i have work to do but i just cant seem to focus. Some people say the beauty of life is in the many options and choses that it presents. choosing and dictating your own path is what partly gives life its splendor. Yet at the same time choosing what to do with your life is so ( Read more... )

cant handle this...

Josie's on a vacation far away ( Read more... )

i want someone to want to be with me. there is really two girls in my life right now. One i dont want a relationship with, because if i did, she would eventually bail on it, and i would be left crumbled. my emotions for her are very strong so to enter in a relationship with her would be emotional suicide. yet a casual thing would be nice at ( Read more... )

These last few days have been confusing to say the least. i find myself confused that nothing has changed. with all that has happened everything is the same. i'm still sitting here at my desk, and my status is no different than a week ago. and i'm trying to make sense of why that is. and i have no answers, only more questions. i guess i'm ( Read more... )

okay so this is what i learned last night. dont post while you are drunk, you reread it later and it makes no sense to you. but i guess most my entries dont make any sense to me. all i know is that this weekend was interesting... very interesting...

after my seventh beer i realized that this was not my road to clarity. so i stopped drinking even though i have that hidden deep desire to drink until i get as close as i can to giving up. tonight i was able to beat back the past. but the next time who knows... i really want to talk to michelle... this night is going to be so lonely... i woke ( Read more... )

i have no desire to write anything...

i sit here silently listening to music that's soul desire is to make me feel as sad as possible. and i sit here trying to pin point, target, and focus on the exact moment where my life started to go to go wrong. and then it hits me. the memory is so thick in the air that it blinds me to reality...