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i scored big on vacation this year. got a really sweet new coach bag, and a coach wallet which i'm really thinking about selling on ebay... got lots of new clothes. a tan. my hair done. now i have an ear infection. thankfully i have ear drops from my last ear infection & they seem to be working because i really dont feel like going to the doctor AGAIN. i was just there last week and i have to go next week for a physical. so i don't feel like paying $20 for her to tell me i have an ear infection, give me a script for the same ear drops i have, and then send me on my merry way just so i can come back less than a week later.
in other news. i'm really naive. maybe because i don't know anything about love or boys or something. i'm just completely stupid about it all because it's really confusing. and every male that i have let myself become close with has fucked me over. (almost.) i'm sick of the fact that all these guys show an interest lately and all they want is sex or blowjobs or some kinda fling. i want a relationship. i'm not the type of person who can deal with shit like that anymore. it makes me weak. or atleast it feels that way. i become attached too easily. i'm clingy. i'm emotional. i'm needy.
i take meds everyday so i can lead a semi-normal life. i can't ever be on time anymore. it's frustrating.
i must be strong because i haven't killed myself yet.
i don't know what i want out of life at all. i can't stick with anything. photography was my passion for years. since i was young. i can't even touch my cameras anymore. and my pictures are really shitty now. not that they weren't before. i wanted to be a pharmacist but i doubt myself way too much. i spend way too much money & i'm always broke the day after i get paid. i smoke a pack or more a day., depending on my mood. i don't have a passion anymore for anything, really...
i see shooting stars all the time. i make the same (or almost the same) wish everytime on them. you'd think that since it hasn't come true yet i'd stop wishing it.
i guess it shows that i never give up.
i don't really know what this was all about. i'm fine.