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if anyone wants/ can, please click below and add an anonymouse comment, trust me im in there.
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 10:56 ( link) Im afraid that if i get better i will lose control and get fat
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 13:52 ( link) Ok, so...
From the age of 10-16 my mum used to beat me up. She was an alcholic, I started self harming. My dad used to beat me up so my mum wouldn't beat him up. I moved out when I was 16 and started taking cocaine nearly every day. I ran up debts of 6,000 pounds, which I payed off the day before x-mas last year. Because of all this I lost my home, my friends and I miscarried my first child. Sorry, didn't mean to get depressing. Just wanted to let you know. I know how you feel to some extent. And from what I know of you, you seem like such a lovely person. It hurts me too see other people hurting so much. Good luck with everything in the future yeah :) Ack, it feels a bit getting that out.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 14:35 ( link) i am scared of getting hurt by the one person i love more than everything in the whole entire world
( Reply to this)
yeh
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 15:02 ( link) i love him so much but he loves her i feel that if he doesnt want me i dont want to live, he makes me cry everynight soon ill ask him who he wants.....i also think about suicide every second of everyday if im in a car i think about throwing my body out of the car
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 15:46 ( link) no-one knows what the marks are there from. i do..fucking razor blades.
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 21:36 ( link) I've not done it for nearly 2 months. I'm almost going nuts. I wore short sleeves today and someone asked if I was a cutter. I ignored him then but later replied...a former cutter for your information. Every one seemed to notice. I just yanked my arm away or pretended not to hear the questions...I pretend not to hear myself say it's okay...that it'll feel better when it's done...
( Reply to this) ( Parent)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 16:02 ( link) i feel like my life is shit. i have nothing going for me and i'm scared that i'm wasting every single second i live but i'm too shy and lazy to do anything about it.
i grow lonlier and lonlier each day and i'm only ever happy if i've not eaten or if i'm with my [only] friend :(
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 16:12 ( link) I feared being hurt by people i love so much, so i decided to isolate myself. Now i am lonely, and really want to make friends, but i am scared that they might just hurt me, and i don't want to hurt. But i am used to it, coz i know leave in a calm place where nobody can disturb. I hope you feel better, or find a calm place where no one can disturb.
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 17:09 ( link) im not well i hate myself and my life.. i wish i could end it but i have my family to think of..... that feels good to say.
( Reply to this) ( Parent)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 17:26 ( link) Sorry, I keep messing this up.
God i'm such an idiot.
I lied to my psychiatrist when she asked if I had ever cut. I couldn't tell her that. My dad sent me to my best friends mother (who just happens to be a psychiatrist). She's like my second mother. Can you tell your mother that you cut?
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 21:38 ( link) My mum asked why I'm having mood swings. It's b/c I haven't a way to deal with anger b/c I stopped cutting. I was this --- close to telling her but couldn't. I understand.
( Reply to this) ( Parent)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 17:32 ( link) Sometimes I hate my best friend because she exercises without me and I am afraid that she will be thinner and prettier than I am.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 19:11 ( link) life is shit. i miss him so much. sosososo much, and he doesnt even miss me. one of my best 'friend's prefers to go off with her ass of a boyfriend. who i hate. who my other friends hate. shes the female version of him. arghhhhhhhh
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 19:55 ( link) Lately, my best friend disgusts me. She was over and when she was asleep I could hear her breathing and it drove me insane. When she talked I wanted her to shut up. When she complains I want to yell my head off at her.
I have no idea why. I have labeled myself a bitch because of this...
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 22:31 ( link) my father is a businessman who practically lives travelling overseas, and is rarely home. when he is, he tells me how irresponsible and disapointing i am. he's stopped hitting me, though.
my mum is a vapid snobby bitch who constantly criticises. i'm never good enough for her. but how cliche is that?
my ex best friend is tacky and flaunts her boobs and has badly styled hair and looks like an unattractive porn star most of the time, but i get jealous because she gets more attention than i do and i get afraid that she'll get skinnier than i.
oh, aren't i horrible?
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
NO
dassprincess
2005-04-13 23:57 ( link) Of course you are not horrible. Just remember that you are a good person. Do not worry about your ex best friend. It is more important to have class and be a lady than to try to get attention with your boobs and your hair. And...as far as being skinny...you can do it. Just don't worry about other people. I feel like when I just worry about myself is when I do the best. When I don't compare myself with others. Good luck!
( Reply to this) ( Parent)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 01:35 ( link) i dont understad why everyone thinks im mean; am i missing something? sometimes i like blaming my bitchy-ness on low blood sugar haha; im sure its mostly true tho.
im sad because my best friend never writes or calls me; and she's changed her phone number, so i dont know how to get a hold of her. :(
there's this girl i run with and everyone thinks she has an ED; she doesnt from what i understand, but sometimes i just want to scream out; DAMNIT ITS ME NOT HER! hahaha
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 09:23 ( link) when he got his friend to tell me that he didnt want to be with me, i screamed and couldnt stop. i screamed so hard and loud until it physically hurt. it took 2 hours for everybody to try and calm me down. while he was having fun downstairs like nothing had happened. bastard. but hay, i still love him. even after all the shit stuff he did to me. i guess i'll always feel that way too. but it kills me how when he asks me about how my life is now, i just have to say "okay i suppose", when hes not even missing me.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 11:13 ( link) i secretly wish that everyone i knew was fatter than me and then feel like shit for wishing that...after i have bad binges i always have suicidal thoughts...and the bad thing is that they comfort me and scare me at the same time. i feel like my ed is ruining all of the beautiful progess i've made from hard work on not only my body, but my grades....i used to be such a perfectionist...what the hell happened??? i feel like whenever someone sees me they are automatically judging me because I gained weight...and if anyone does actually make a comment on it, it ruins my entire day...no make that week. most of the time i just feel really really alone...
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 11:30 ( link) I get on the scales every night before bed even though I know thats when I'll be my heaviest for the day.. Just as punishment. Then I cry myself to sleep.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 12:08 ( link) Being a girl everyone think is shy, content, happy with everything, gets what she wants,..it has been a journey to hide eating disorders, family situations, drug habits behind them.
Its like Im' lying to the world.
One day my true colours will shine.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 12:40 ( link) I am not happy or emotionally satisfied with my marriage. And I don't see it getting any better or opening up.I crave things he does not nor ever will. We are almost 2 enitrely different people. This terrifies me.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 14:10 ( link) Easter weekend i tried to hang myself from a tree. i hung until i almost blacked out and then the rope broke and i fell down a hill. some guy walking his dog found me crying in the snow, so he called an ambulance. they brought me to the hospital and asked me a million questions which of course i knew all the right answers to...so they sent me home the same night. nobody knows that that was my most serious and least successful attempt. nobody knows that i had been planning that day for months...nobody knows that i hate myself because i can't lose 3 fucking pounds, and i can't even fucking kill myself properly...i hate being alive...thanks for having this...it's the first time i've talked about it...i mean, the hospital didn't even call my parents...
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 16:19 ( link) I killed a man once...
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 16:40 ( link) everyone thinks im the happiest person ever and that my lifes perfect.
its not.
all my friends are better than me. everyone prefers them.
i cant help but get mad at them... secretly though.
ive cut, ive make myself sick, i dont eat sometimes.
im never perfect enough.
sad, huh?
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 17:59 ( link) How does it feel to be the only person to know that I am going to kill myself?
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 19:46 ( link) since ive developed my ed, ive only gained 5 pounds. i used to cut myself as punishment for eating. im in love with my ex whose a year younger then 1 and my best friend. i like to keep people at a safe distance so i dont get hurt. hes the first person who ive actually trusted in forever, and he let me down and betrayed me but i cant let him go. and i think im really bitchy and mean to everyone becuase i hate myself so much.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 19:52 ( link) i'm suicidal.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 19:53 ( link) i think i could be lesbian. i don't want to break my boyfriend's heart.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 20:17 ( link) I'm scared of males. I have no male friends and I can't talk to any of them without my mind slowing down and everything that I say sounding stupid. I also stutter sometimes. I can't open up to them. I'll probably be single my whole life because of this... it's not how I want things.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 21:03 ( link) i was on a cruise on new years eve and got extremely drunk and had sex for the first time with a guy i had known for three days. i never even learned his last name. the next day he barely even talked to me. im disgusting. i always end up getting used. i do everything i can to feel wanted, to feel loved and it is always the wrong thing and i always get hurt. i stayed with my emotionally abusive boyfriend for way too long and when i finally got the courage to dump him he tried to kill himself and blamed it all on me. it was all my fault because i am a horrible person and i am horrible at life. im scared of boys, im scared of relationships and being close to people, im scared of myself.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 22:21 ( link) i hate that i am fat. he left me for someone thinner and that makes it worse. i want to be healthy, but at the same time i want to be skinny, tiny, invisible. if i'm not ugly or fat then people can't make fun of me for being ugly and fat... something that used to happen all the time.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:43 ( link) he is the only person who ever really loved me..all of me..the dark hidden parts of me..he knew ME..and still loved me...and now hes moving away..we live in canada..and hes moving to england...im going to be so lost without him..im scared that he'll find someone new..and ill be left behind...for 3 years..hes been my everything...im scared that he'll be the one that got away..im just plain scared.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:44 ( link) i think i might be bi, but i dont really know how to tell.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:49 ( link) i went on a trip to europ, and my parents gave me this article to read on anti-dipressents because my mom wanted me on them. i sat up that night, for about 4 hours reading a article in people magizine over and over again. it was about a girl who got put on them and killed herself. about 3-4 times that night i got up, put on my shoes and a jacket and walked out the door, standing there, with a rope in my hand. but i kept comming back inside. i wished so badly i did it, but i couldnt because i wanted to come back and see him, the guy, who broke my heart. now im thinking of killing myself tonight, i just, dont know how.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:52 ( link) thin_dream
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:59 ( link) i hate myself. i want to be skinny but it is so hard. i look at everyone else and i hate them because they can eat whatever they want and stay so skinny. my old best friend is so perfect looking and sometimes she complains about how she needs to get in shape and it makes me SOOO mad i can't take it. sometimes when i get really mad i cut myself and then i feel better. i am so lonely...
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 10:56 ( link) Im afraid that if i get better i will lose control and get fat
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 13:52 ( link) Ok, so...
From the age of 10-16 my mum used to beat me up. She was an alcholic, I started self harming. My dad used to beat me up so my mum wouldn't beat him up. I moved out when I was 16 and started taking cocaine nearly every day. I ran up debts of 6,000 pounds, which I payed off the day before x-mas last year. Because of all this I lost my home, my friends and I miscarried my first child. Sorry, didn't mean to get depressing. Just wanted to let you know. I know how you feel to some extent. And from what I know of you, you seem like such a lovely person. It hurts me too see other people hurting so much. Good luck with everything in the future yeah :) Ack, it feels a bit getting that out.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 14:35 ( link) i am scared of getting hurt by the one person i love more than everything in the whole entire world
( Reply to this)
yeh
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 15:02 ( link) i love him so much but he loves her i feel that if he doesnt want me i dont want to live, he makes me cry everynight soon ill ask him who he wants.....i also think about suicide every second of everyday if im in a car i think about throwing my body out of the car
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 15:46 ( link) no-one knows what the marks are there from. i do..fucking razor blades.
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 21:36 ( link) I've not done it for nearly 2 months. I'm almost going nuts. I wore short sleeves today and someone asked if I was a cutter. I ignored him then but later replied...a former cutter for your information. Every one seemed to notice. I just yanked my arm away or pretended not to hear the questions...I pretend not to hear myself say it's okay...that it'll feel better when it's done...
( Reply to this) ( Parent)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 16:02 ( link) i feel like my life is shit. i have nothing going for me and i'm scared that i'm wasting every single second i live but i'm too shy and lazy to do anything about it.
i grow lonlier and lonlier each day and i'm only ever happy if i've not eaten or if i'm with my [only] friend :(
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 16:12 ( link) I feared being hurt by people i love so much, so i decided to isolate myself. Now i am lonely, and really want to make friends, but i am scared that they might just hurt me, and i don't want to hurt. But i am used to it, coz i know leave in a calm place where nobody can disturb. I hope you feel better, or find a calm place where no one can disturb.
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 17:09 ( link) im not well i hate myself and my life.. i wish i could end it but i have my family to think of..... that feels good to say.
( Reply to this) ( Parent)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 17:26 ( link) Sorry, I keep messing this up.
God i'm such an idiot.
I lied to my psychiatrist when she asked if I had ever cut. I couldn't tell her that. My dad sent me to my best friends mother (who just happens to be a psychiatrist). She's like my second mother. Can you tell your mother that you cut?
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 21:38 ( link) My mum asked why I'm having mood swings. It's b/c I haven't a way to deal with anger b/c I stopped cutting. I was this --- close to telling her but couldn't. I understand.
( Reply to this) ( Parent)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 17:32 ( link) Sometimes I hate my best friend because she exercises without me and I am afraid that she will be thinner and prettier than I am.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 19:11 ( link) life is shit. i miss him so much. sosososo much, and he doesnt even miss me. one of my best 'friend's prefers to go off with her ass of a boyfriend. who i hate. who my other friends hate. shes the female version of him. arghhhhhhhh
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 19:55 ( link) Lately, my best friend disgusts me. She was over and when she was asleep I could hear her breathing and it drove me insane. When she talked I wanted her to shut up. When she complains I want to yell my head off at her.
I have no idea why. I have labeled myself a bitch because of this...
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-12 22:31 ( link) my father is a businessman who practically lives travelling overseas, and is rarely home. when he is, he tells me how irresponsible and disapointing i am. he's stopped hitting me, though.
my mum is a vapid snobby bitch who constantly criticises. i'm never good enough for her. but how cliche is that?
my ex best friend is tacky and flaunts her boobs and has badly styled hair and looks like an unattractive porn star most of the time, but i get jealous because she gets more attention than i do and i get afraid that she'll get skinnier than i.
oh, aren't i horrible?
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
NO
dassprincess
2005-04-13 23:57 ( link) Of course you are not horrible. Just remember that you are a good person. Do not worry about your ex best friend. It is more important to have class and be a lady than to try to get attention with your boobs and your hair. And...as far as being skinny...you can do it. Just don't worry about other people. I feel like when I just worry about myself is when I do the best. When I don't compare myself with others. Good luck!
( Reply to this) ( Parent)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 01:35 ( link) i dont understad why everyone thinks im mean; am i missing something? sometimes i like blaming my bitchy-ness on low blood sugar haha; im sure its mostly true tho.
im sad because my best friend never writes or calls me; and she's changed her phone number, so i dont know how to get a hold of her. :(
there's this girl i run with and everyone thinks she has an ED; she doesnt from what i understand, but sometimes i just want to scream out; DAMNIT ITS ME NOT HER! hahaha
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 09:23 ( link) when he got his friend to tell me that he didnt want to be with me, i screamed and couldnt stop. i screamed so hard and loud until it physically hurt. it took 2 hours for everybody to try and calm me down. while he was having fun downstairs like nothing had happened. bastard. but hay, i still love him. even after all the shit stuff he did to me. i guess i'll always feel that way too. but it kills me how when he asks me about how my life is now, i just have to say "okay i suppose", when hes not even missing me.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 11:13 ( link) i secretly wish that everyone i knew was fatter than me and then feel like shit for wishing that...after i have bad binges i always have suicidal thoughts...and the bad thing is that they comfort me and scare me at the same time. i feel like my ed is ruining all of the beautiful progess i've made from hard work on not only my body, but my grades....i used to be such a perfectionist...what the hell happened??? i feel like whenever someone sees me they are automatically judging me because I gained weight...and if anyone does actually make a comment on it, it ruins my entire day...no make that week. most of the time i just feel really really alone...
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 11:30 ( link) I get on the scales every night before bed even though I know thats when I'll be my heaviest for the day.. Just as punishment. Then I cry myself to sleep.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 12:08 ( link) Being a girl everyone think is shy, content, happy with everything, gets what she wants,..it has been a journey to hide eating disorders, family situations, drug habits behind them.
Its like Im' lying to the world.
One day my true colours will shine.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 12:40 ( link) I am not happy or emotionally satisfied with my marriage. And I don't see it getting any better or opening up.I crave things he does not nor ever will. We are almost 2 enitrely different people. This terrifies me.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 14:10 ( link) Easter weekend i tried to hang myself from a tree. i hung until i almost blacked out and then the rope broke and i fell down a hill. some guy walking his dog found me crying in the snow, so he called an ambulance. they brought me to the hospital and asked me a million questions which of course i knew all the right answers to...so they sent me home the same night. nobody knows that that was my most serious and least successful attempt. nobody knows that i had been planning that day for months...nobody knows that i hate myself because i can't lose 3 fucking pounds, and i can't even fucking kill myself properly...i hate being alive...thanks for having this...it's the first time i've talked about it...i mean, the hospital didn't even call my parents...
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 16:19 ( link) I killed a man once...
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 16:40 ( link) everyone thinks im the happiest person ever and that my lifes perfect.
its not.
all my friends are better than me. everyone prefers them.
i cant help but get mad at them... secretly though.
ive cut, ive make myself sick, i dont eat sometimes.
im never perfect enough.
sad, huh?
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 17:59 ( link) How does it feel to be the only person to know that I am going to kill myself?
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 19:46 ( link) since ive developed my ed, ive only gained 5 pounds. i used to cut myself as punishment for eating. im in love with my ex whose a year younger then 1 and my best friend. i like to keep people at a safe distance so i dont get hurt. hes the first person who ive actually trusted in forever, and he let me down and betrayed me but i cant let him go. and i think im really bitchy and mean to everyone becuase i hate myself so much.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 19:52 ( link) i'm suicidal.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 19:53 ( link) i think i could be lesbian. i don't want to break my boyfriend's heart.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 20:17 ( link) I'm scared of males. I have no male friends and I can't talk to any of them without my mind slowing down and everything that I say sounding stupid. I also stutter sometimes. I can't open up to them. I'll probably be single my whole life because of this... it's not how I want things.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 21:03 ( link) i was on a cruise on new years eve and got extremely drunk and had sex for the first time with a guy i had known for three days. i never even learned his last name. the next day he barely even talked to me. im disgusting. i always end up getting used. i do everything i can to feel wanted, to feel loved and it is always the wrong thing and i always get hurt. i stayed with my emotionally abusive boyfriend for way too long and when i finally got the courage to dump him he tried to kill himself and blamed it all on me. it was all my fault because i am a horrible person and i am horrible at life. im scared of boys, im scared of relationships and being close to people, im scared of myself.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 22:21 ( link) i hate that i am fat. he left me for someone thinner and that makes it worse. i want to be healthy, but at the same time i want to be skinny, tiny, invisible. if i'm not ugly or fat then people can't make fun of me for being ugly and fat... something that used to happen all the time.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:43 ( link) he is the only person who ever really loved me..all of me..the dark hidden parts of me..he knew ME..and still loved me...and now hes moving away..we live in canada..and hes moving to england...im going to be so lost without him..im scared that he'll find someone new..and ill be left behind...for 3 years..hes been my everything...im scared that he'll be the one that got away..im just plain scared.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:44 ( link) i think i might be bi, but i dont really know how to tell.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:49 ( link) i went on a trip to europ, and my parents gave me this article to read on anti-dipressents because my mom wanted me on them. i sat up that night, for about 4 hours reading a article in people magizine over and over again. it was about a girl who got put on them and killed herself. about 3-4 times that night i got up, put on my shoes and a jacket and walked out the door, standing there, with a rope in my hand. but i kept comming back inside. i wished so badly i did it, but i couldnt because i wanted to come back and see him, the guy, who broke my heart. now im thinking of killing myself tonight, i just, dont know how.
( Reply to this)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:52 ( link) thin_dream
( Reply to this) ( Thread)
(Anonymous)
2005-04-13 23:59 ( link) i hate myself. i want to be skinny but it is so hard. i look at everyone else and i hate them because they can eat whatever they want and stay so skinny. my old best friend is so perfect looking and sometimes she complains about how she needs to get in shape and it makes me SOOO mad i can't take it. sometimes when i get really mad i cut myself and then i feel better. i am so lonely...