Is Anxiety a True Issue?
Alright, I generally consider myself a VERY sane person. I pride myself on it, in fact, and though I have emotional swings, depressive times, home sick days, that I muscle through them all, never let them get serious, and that puts me on the good, sane, strong level with most normal people. Hell, maybe even better than normal people. I don't let my emotional stuff get me down. Sure, I'm lonely, so what? I'm homesick, so what? I move on, end of story. I pride myself on not letting things get to me.
So, the issue that I might actually have a problem big enough not to shrug off is bothering me. I'm not even certain it's a problem. It's not affecting my life -- hell, it's probably HELPING my life. But it's affecting my health, I suspect. I don't sleep well. Last week 5 our of 7 nights I had insomnia which kept me up until well past dawn. My hair is falling out by the handfuls every time I shower. No doubt my blood pressure is through the roof. And what can all of this be attributed to: Stress. Anxiety. I am beginning to wonder if I have an anxiety issue.
During school I was worried about papers. Then the papers were over and I was worried about exams. And then the exams ended and I worried about things at work. Then work was done and I got on a bus to go home. I got home, and I've spent the last two days freaking out about money. No money to cut my hair, no money to get people Christmas gifts, to get myself a new pair of shoes though I have holes in my old ones. I shouldn't be getting myself shoes when I need to buy for everyone else. I shouldn't be cutting my hair when I need to buy for everyone else. I can't really afford to buy the big spread i do every year, so everyone will be disappointed.
On top of that I need to spend time with my mom. I need to visit my dad. I need to bond with my brother. I need to go see Josh and Katie. I need to go wave down Jim and visit him. I have to shop for all these things I cannot afford. And I have to figure out how to get back to downtown Pittsburgh so I can get my bus back to Toronto on Friday. Saturday, I have to do more christmas shopping. I have to finalize my presents for Toronto people. I have to see Stephen. I have to go to a party saturday night.
It just never ends. I have everything organized. Everything in my head, in a list, going over constantly. I will do all of those things. I'll see all of those people and I'll manage to find good gifts. No one will be disappointed in me, except for maybe me. I always manage, because as said above, I have my act together. Money is a big, big component of this stressiness. I hate spending it. I feel like I can't justify spending it at all, though with the two jobs I worked the past semester I'm way ahead of the game. But still, what if they aren't there next time. I hate this money issue. I don't know.
So, even on my vacation, I can't relax. And I -want- to relax. I want my hair to stop falling out, it's the only thing about me that is physically pretty. I'm DOG ugly without my hair. I want to be able to sleep. Maybe this is an issue. I don't know.
So, the issue that I might actually have a problem big enough not to shrug off is bothering me. I'm not even certain it's a problem. It's not affecting my life -- hell, it's probably HELPING my life. But it's affecting my health, I suspect. I don't sleep well. Last week 5 our of 7 nights I had insomnia which kept me up until well past dawn. My hair is falling out by the handfuls every time I shower. No doubt my blood pressure is through the roof. And what can all of this be attributed to: Stress. Anxiety. I am beginning to wonder if I have an anxiety issue.
During school I was worried about papers. Then the papers were over and I was worried about exams. And then the exams ended and I worried about things at work. Then work was done and I got on a bus to go home. I got home, and I've spent the last two days freaking out about money. No money to cut my hair, no money to get people Christmas gifts, to get myself a new pair of shoes though I have holes in my old ones. I shouldn't be getting myself shoes when I need to buy for everyone else. I shouldn't be cutting my hair when I need to buy for everyone else. I can't really afford to buy the big spread i do every year, so everyone will be disappointed.
On top of that I need to spend time with my mom. I need to visit my dad. I need to bond with my brother. I need to go see Josh and Katie. I need to go wave down Jim and visit him. I have to shop for all these things I cannot afford. And I have to figure out how to get back to downtown Pittsburgh so I can get my bus back to Toronto on Friday. Saturday, I have to do more christmas shopping. I have to finalize my presents for Toronto people. I have to see Stephen. I have to go to a party saturday night.
It just never ends. I have everything organized. Everything in my head, in a list, going over constantly. I will do all of those things. I'll see all of those people and I'll manage to find good gifts. No one will be disappointed in me, except for maybe me. I always manage, because as said above, I have my act together. Money is a big, big component of this stressiness. I hate spending it. I feel like I can't justify spending it at all, though with the two jobs I worked the past semester I'm way ahead of the game. But still, what if they aren't there next time. I hate this money issue. I don't know.
So, even on my vacation, I can't relax. And I -want- to relax. I want my hair to stop falling out, it's the only thing about me that is physically pretty. I'm DOG ugly without my hair. I want to be able to sleep. Maybe this is an issue. I don't know.