(no subject)
I think I'm drunk enough to drive you home now
this song makes me cry.because it reminds me that
boys only like me when they're drunk; boys only
like to use me for whatever i'm worth.
[edited]'expose'
drunken copulations and misconstrued misconceptions
my life: composed of 'i didn't want to's and 'i thought you didn't care's
lead on's and stage left's and directions in the script that had been forgotten
causing life to skip like a scratched record placed on a faulty player
rash decisions and an excess of desire pent up
a need to forget the loneliness though only temporary
forty minute drives end up in beds under wraps
speeding 100 mile an hour thoughts and tire revolutions home
eyelids blink quick like short shutter snaps of 1/500th of a second
convinced tears are forming because of laquered eyelashes wedged between cornea and eyelid
sneak silently into the driveway, night as thick as a blanket
too nervous about being caught a camera is left on a car seat
exposed to sub zero temperatures colder than a frozen heart
warps film [or so it is thought], rendered useless
come morning, lies layered upon each other between mother father daughter one night stands
cigarette fingers twirl sex-messed hair and
lips with a taste of someone else that lingers
explains away the evening to curious inquires from people who say
i am doing too much of what i should not do
while a heart beats; painfully wrapped in deception and enjoying
blood starvation--asphyxiation caused by rushing starts and
jumping the gun into waters deeper than expected
because the aching migraine that comes with mere months of loneliness and rejection
may be too much for a simple soul to bear
now throat's raw from screaming out the pain
hack and cough and bring back memories of people who used to be loved
shells of lives that were once vivacious
people have become emaciated and underdeveloped
speaking only in song lyrics to cover up the truth
so near to the surface but unspoken because the fear of happiness
is larger than the bigger picture
tires begin spinning again and gears are shifted
merge onto highways and count dotted lines who's consistency is guaranteed
thankful for something that finally will not let someone down
placing self in a situation known notoriously to be harmful
load the film and open the shutter, correcting the aperture for proper contrast
memories sharp and clear of what happened last time
are exposed over in favor of the new ones being made
cloverleaf exit ramps and miles of highway lights
hasty adjustments in a personal mentality that howls of something better
last minute lane changes cutting off migrating men bringing bottom dollar home
to soul mates who crossed borders for each other
spitting spanish angrily at my broken bumper
i slow from screaming ninties to highway exit twenties
driving in the direction opposite from fate; towards home
having never reached the location of my distraction i
end up in the same place i began, losing fifty minutes of my day
curled up under sheets that will never offer the same warmth just driven away from
the camera's shutter is still open, crying tears of latent images
while loneliness settles itself familiarly back around the chambers of the heart.
i know that nothing will ever change, no matter how far away i move or how many boys i don't think will use me.
this song makes me cry.because it reminds me that
boys only like me when they're drunk; boys only
like to use me for whatever i'm worth.
[edited]'expose'
drunken copulations and misconstrued misconceptions
my life: composed of 'i didn't want to's and 'i thought you didn't care's
lead on's and stage left's and directions in the script that had been forgotten
causing life to skip like a scratched record placed on a faulty player
rash decisions and an excess of desire pent up
a need to forget the loneliness though only temporary
forty minute drives end up in beds under wraps
speeding 100 mile an hour thoughts and tire revolutions home
eyelids blink quick like short shutter snaps of 1/500th of a second
convinced tears are forming because of laquered eyelashes wedged between cornea and eyelid
sneak silently into the driveway, night as thick as a blanket
too nervous about being caught a camera is left on a car seat
exposed to sub zero temperatures colder than a frozen heart
warps film [or so it is thought], rendered useless
come morning, lies layered upon each other between mother father daughter one night stands
cigarette fingers twirl sex-messed hair and
lips with a taste of someone else that lingers
explains away the evening to curious inquires from people who say
i am doing too much of what i should not do
while a heart beats; painfully wrapped in deception and enjoying
blood starvation--asphyxiation caused by rushing starts and
jumping the gun into waters deeper than expected
because the aching migraine that comes with mere months of loneliness and rejection
may be too much for a simple soul to bear
now throat's raw from screaming out the pain
hack and cough and bring back memories of people who used to be loved
shells of lives that were once vivacious
people have become emaciated and underdeveloped
speaking only in song lyrics to cover up the truth
so near to the surface but unspoken because the fear of happiness
is larger than the bigger picture
tires begin spinning again and gears are shifted
merge onto highways and count dotted lines who's consistency is guaranteed
thankful for something that finally will not let someone down
placing self in a situation known notoriously to be harmful
load the film and open the shutter, correcting the aperture for proper contrast
memories sharp and clear of what happened last time
are exposed over in favor of the new ones being made
cloverleaf exit ramps and miles of highway lights
hasty adjustments in a personal mentality that howls of something better
last minute lane changes cutting off migrating men bringing bottom dollar home
to soul mates who crossed borders for each other
spitting spanish angrily at my broken bumper
i slow from screaming ninties to highway exit twenties
driving in the direction opposite from fate; towards home
having never reached the location of my distraction i
end up in the same place i began, losing fifty minutes of my day
curled up under sheets that will never offer the same warmth just driven away from
the camera's shutter is still open, crying tears of latent images
while loneliness settles itself familiarly back around the chambers of the heart.
i know that nothing will ever change, no matter how far away i move or how many boys i don't think will use me.