Dirt on Our Uniforms IV
March
“It’d be nice if you’d come too, but either way, I’m going,” says Jared firmly. Things have been good the last couple of weeks, so many new positions to try once they figured out Jensen really could get his knees up to his ears, and Jared has barely even thought about getting involved with school clubs.
Jensen shoves his hands in his pockets, brow furrowed. “Jay, you know what happened the last time I got involved in one of these things. Man, if my parents found out, if they even found out there was something like that at this school…”
Jared’s stomach pitches. This is the part of Jensen’s family they don’t talk about. They stick to shit his little sister gets into, or his brother’s emails about college parties, and sometimes Jared even forgets that Jensen’s parents have made him feel so bad for something he just is. “Rosenbaum promised me it was confidential. Nobody’s ever supposed to talk about anything that’s said there.”
Jensen snorts. “Right. I’m sure that’s a flawless system.”
Jared’s starting to get a little sick of Jensen’s pessimism. “Why are you assuming the worst about people you don’t even know?”
“Because I probably do know them. I’m probably in class with them every single day, but if I go to this meeting, then tomorrow I’ll be in class with them and they’ll think they know something about me all of a sudden.”
“Yeah, well, maybe it would be good to let someone know something about you every once in a while.”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “That’s therapist bullshit, Jay, and you know it. You want to throw a coming out ball because you feel guilty about hiding things from your friends, then say it, but don’t try to make this into some shit about my mental health because I think my mental health is just fucking fine.” He’s nearly vibrating with anger now, eyes flashing dark and hot.
“I don’t want you to be ashamed to be with me,” Jared says softly, and the stiff line of Jensen’s shoulders bends.
Jensen looks at him through lowered lashes, and Jared wraps a hand around his wrist to tug him close. “I’m not ashamed of you, Jay,” he says, cupping a hand around Jared’s jaw. “But not everybody needs to know what we do. It’s our business.”
“Maybe,” says Jared, thinking of what Sandy said to him about Allie. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone else by not telling.
Jensen kisses the corner of his mouth, soft. “Tell you what? You go this week, and meet everybody, and then if you tell me they’re not assholes, I’ll consider going to the next one.”
“They won’t be assholes.”
“It’s top secret. You don’t know who’s going to be there. Could be Chad.”
“Chad’s not gay; he’s just a pussy.”
“Don’t have to be gay to go to one of these things. Didn’t somebody tell me that?”
Jared’s not sure whether to kiss him or throttle him, but Jensen’s smirk makes the former an almost irresistible option. “I’ll be back in an hour or so,” Jared says, rubbing his thumb along Jensen’s bottom lip. “Stay out of trouble.”
Jensen’s eyes flash, and Jared almost gives up on the meeting and undresses him right there. “I’ll find some way to amuse myself,” Jensen says. “We’ve still got plenty of lube.” He steps back, away from Jared (and Jared’s burgeoning hard-on). “If you’re not back by dark, I’ll send out a search party.”
“Jerk,” says Jared, and he’s out the door before Jensen can do anything else to tempt him back in.
***
The GSA meets in a second floor classroom in the humanities building, and Jared remembers having Spanish in here last year, Mr. Edlund’s messy cursive defining literary verb tenses all over the board. The desks are set in a circle now, and that means there’s no way Jared can just hide at the back and pretend he’s not there. Even less so when Rosenbaum comes up to the door behind him and says, “Don’t be scared, Padalecki. It won’t be as bad as you think.”
There are already about ten people there when Jared arrives, including Sandy and Adrianne, who looks at him wide-eyed as he sits down on Sandy’s other side. “I should never have called you a coward,” says Sandy, planting a kiss on his cheek.
Jared’s brow furrows. “You didn’t.”
“Well, not to your face.” Even Adrianne cracks a smile at that, and Jared rolls his eyes.
“All right,” says Rosenbaum, leaning against the edge of the desk. “Tal’s the discussion leader for the day.”
A skinny, sharp-eyed blonde Jared thinks is a sophomore looks around the room. Her eyes catch on him. “Don’t we want the new guy to introduce himself first?”
Jared tries to remember how cool and outgoing he is while everyone in the room stares at him. “I’m Jared,” he says, summoning up a grin. “I’m a junior, and, uh, that’s it.”
“You play soccer, right?” says Gabe Tigerman, otherwise known as the junior class president, and Jared’s a little surprised Gabe even knows his name.
“Don’t usually get boy jocks in here,” says Tal narrowly. “What made you come today?”
Jared’s not used to people being suspicious of him. He’s not sure what to do. Luckily, Sandy steps in for him. “He’s here because he wants to be, Alona. I think that should be enough.” She’s cute, but she’s also kind of terrifying.
Alona backs down. “Sure.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “So, today’s topic of discussion is Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and how that kind of discrimination adversely affects national security. I’ve got a fact sheet right here with some statistics…”
Rosenbaum sighs as a couple of people mumble uncomplimentary things about the military and the president. The fact sheet Alona passes around is a whole lot of numbers, and nobody’s really saying much. It seems like it would be a pretty bad idea to tangle with Alona, and her little speech as she passed the sheet made it pretty clear what she thought. Jared wonders if he should have just stayed home and fucked Jensen. Finally, Gabe pipes up, “Could we maybe talk about something closer to home?”
“Like what?” says Rosenbaum.
“Like I’ve got a date on Friday night and I have no idea what to do.”
“A-ha.” Rosenbaum settles more comfortably on the edge of the desk. “The universal dilemma. How not to make an ass of yourself in front of someone you want to sleep with.”
Jared thinks teachers probably aren’t supposed to say things like that, but everyone else is too busy asking Gabe about his date to care. Even Alona seems interested. It’s weird because it’s someone else’s gossip, and everyone else in the room knows Gabe and he doesn’t, but Sandy nudges him with her shoulder while Gabe tells a couple of younger students about how the guy asked him out when he was hanging out with his home friends, and says, “Not so scary, is it?”
Jared grins. “Guess not.”
“So, you got any dating tips, as the only guy here with a boyfriend?” Somehow she manages to say this just as there’s a lull in the conversation, so even though she’s whispering, it carries, and suddenly everyone’s staring at him like he’s an alien again. Sandy cringes.
“You really are gay?” says Alona, like it’s some kind of shock.
“Uh, bi, actually,” replies Jared awkwardly.
“And you have a boyfriend?” says a girl he thinks is a freshman. “Does he go here?”
Jared blushes. He and Jensen don’t use words like “boyfriend,” and even if they did, he doesn’t really want to out his roommate to a bunch of strangers and his writing teacher after Jensen specifically told him not to. “We’re not…” he begins, then stops and rubs his hands nervously over the knees of his uniform pants. Because it’s a lie, and he doesn’t want to start off getting to know these people with a lie. “Hey, weren’t we talking about Gabe’s date?” he says lamely.
“You were,” Rosenbaum steps in. “Let’s not scare Padalecki off already.”
“But how do you do it, here?” Gabe says, obviously missing the point. “I mean, no one knows about you. No one would even think you were…”
“Except McCoy,” Alona points out.
Adrianne’s looking like she gets it too, but she doesn’t say anything. “That’s kind of, uh, why I’m here,” Jared says. “I don’t really know what it means to be gay, but I,” he glances at Rosenbaum, “I think I need to find out.”
“Well said, Padalecki. And what have you learned so far?”
Jared tries not to frown. It doesn’t seem fair that he’s still the one talking. “That dating’s just as confusing for you as it is for anyone else.” He shrugs. “Except maybe I knew that already.”
“Do you ever go out?” Gabe asks. “On weekends or anything? What do people think?”
“I guess they think we’re friends,” Jared tells him. “And we are. Just… more, too. People see what they expect, I guess.”
Sandy kind of saves his ass because he’s not sure he’s got any more to say on the subject when she pipes up, “The most important thing about dating is not to stress about it. If he asked you out, then he must already like you, Gabe. Which, seriously, who wouldn’t?” she winks at him, and he blushes.
“But what do you do when you’re on a date with a guy?” Jared asks. Jensen’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t need flowers or teddy bears or dinners in fancy restaurants, and it’s okay that when they go out it’s usually to plot the next way to make principal Morgan turn funny colors, but there’s also Jensen’s bullshit “you aren’t gay” thing that Jared wants to defend against. He feels like he’s got something to prove, even if Jensen doesn’t want it proven.
Everyone kind of looks at each other. Rosenbaum stares out the window, and Jared gives a little more thought to the makeup of the room. There are a couple of quiet senior girls everyone’s known were dykes since the invention of field hockey, Sandy, Adrianne, Gabe, Alona, and two boys and three girls who are probably freshmen, or maybe sophomores. He suddenly has to entertain the thought that he has way more experience dating guys than anyone else here except for Sandy, and that was mostly with him. It gives him a headache. He had wanted guidance. One of the senior girls says finally, “You just have to be careful where you go. They kicked us out of that bookstore in town for holding hands.”
“That’s horrible!” exclaims Alona. “Don’t they know they can’t do that?”
“Private property,” says the other senior girl. “It’s their decision. No one ever said queer was easy.” She looks at Jared.
That sums it up. There’s silence for a minute before one of the freshmen start talking about a movie Jared hasn’t seen, something about England and Mama Cass, and Sandy bumps shoulders with him again. Adrianne gives him a smile over the top of Sandy’s head, but she doesn’t look completely happy. All in all, Jared’s kind of glad to get out of there.
***
Jensen turns around in his chair and grins at Jared as he walks in. “You came back,” he says lightly.
Jared leans against the edge of Jensen’s desk, his ass against Jensen’s calc book, and replies, “You thought I’d like them so much I wouldn’t?”
“Or they’d put you through some weird gay initiation ritual and I’d have to save your ass from a vat of hot oil.”
“Y’all would do that for me?” Jared asks, pressing a hand to his chest and fluttering his eyelashes.
“Yep,” agrees Jensen mildly. “So, how was it?”
“Felt like I was coming in in the middle of something,” Jared shrugs. “Which I kind of was, you know, but they all knew each other already, and…”
“They didn’t all love you on sight the way you’re used to?” It’s kind of an asshole thing to say, but Jensen softens it with a hand on Jared’s knee, squeezing gently.
“It was just weird. This kid from one of my classes was like, ‘But aren’t you on the soccer team?’ as if Coach Welling wasn’t already, you know.”
“A big homo,” offers Jensen.
“And then Sandy said something to me like, ‘oh, your boyfriend,’ and this scary girl was like, ‘Wait, you really are gay?’ and I don’t know. It was just weird.”
“So you’re not going to make me go next week?”
Jared hesitates. “If you went with me they’d probably know we were…” There isn’t a word, so he stops, watches Jensen’s face carefully.
“Probably,” Jensen agrees, and he holds Jared’s eyes, and Jared’s having trouble believing what that tells him.
“That a chance you’re willing to take?” he asks, knowing that GSA would be better if Jensen were living through it too.
“If that’s what you want,” Jensen replies. “If you don’t mind everyone knowing you’re slumming it with a guy who went to public school.”
“I want to kiss you,” Jared tells him, and he’s halfway into Jensen’s lap when the chair falls over, spilling them both onto the floor.
“Way to break the school furniture, Sasquatch,” says Jensen, running his fingers through Jared’s hair, cupping the back of his head and rubbing gently.
“It’s not broken,” replies Jared confidently. The tile is cool under his back, and Jensen’s sprawled halfway on top of him. He wonders if they could just stay like this. He tries to pull Jensen’s mouth down to his, but Jensen makes a protesting noise and sits up.
“Come on, Jay. Not gonna let you fuck me on the floor.” He stands up, and Jared just lies there, taking in the lean lines of Jensen’s body, not so well disguised by his t-shirt and sweats.
Jensen sees him watching and cocks an eyebrow. “You looking for a show?” he asks roughly, blushing hot but not looking away, and Jared recognizes the hard bulge of his cock under his pants.
“Abso-fucking-lutely,” replies Jared, and lies back on the floor, arms behind his head, while Jensen runs his fingers along the bottom hem of his shirt.
He strips it over his head in one fluid motion, and Jared’s fixated on the rippling of his abs, the fine trail of golden-brown hair that starts at Jensen’s navel. Jensen twirls the t-shirt above his head, grinning, before he drops it on Jared’s face. It smells like Jensen’s deodorant, hair gel, and that warmth underneath is Jensen himself. He breathes in deep.
“Perv,” says Jensen, watching Jared try to inhale his shirt. He’s circling his nipple with one finger, catching it with his thumbnail, and Jared wants that to be his mouth. He thinks about sitting up, but then Jensen turns around, and Jared’s brain migrates south at the sight of Jensen’s low-slung sweatpants hanging off the gorgeous curve of his ass. Jensen’s dipping his fingers under the waistband, wiggling his hips a little, and Jared can’t even speculate about how Jensen got so good at this because he’s already so damn hard from watching him take off his pants. They’re sliding down Jensen’s hips, slow and smooth, and it takes a couple of seconds for Jared’s brain to catch up again, but Jensen’s not wearing any underwear, and it’s just too much. He gets up onto his knees, grabs Jensen’s hips, and presses his mouth to the soft hot skin just above Jensen’s crack.
“Jay!” Jensen exclaims, and for a second Jared thinks he might tip over, but Jared has made a decision now, and he just curves his fingers around Jensen’s hipbones and holds on tighter. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he saw this in some of the porn he watched over Christmas break for “research” and as he slides his tongue down the crack of Jensen’s ass, Jensen groans deep in his throat.
He’s said things tasted like ass before, but he’s pretty sure this isn’t really what he meant, Jared thinks, as he licks more deeply between Jensen’s cheeks, pushing his thumbs in between to give him better access to Jensen’s hole. Jensen reaches back and tangles a hand in his hair, and Jared doesn’t even mind the pull of it until Jensen murmurs, “Stop, Jay.”
“Don’t want to stop,” Jared replies simply, and presses a kiss to the base of Jensen’s spine.
Jensen shudders. “If we don’t move to someplace where I can hang onto something, I’m gonna fall over.”
“So damn picky, Jen,” Jared tells him, levering himself up and slapping Jensen on the ass.
Jensen yelps and glares at him, rubbing his butt with one hand. “That hurt, asshole.”
Jared grins. “Let me kiss it and make it better.” He nods towards Jensen’s bed. “Why don’t you go lay down?”
“You want me to wind up sleeping in the wet spot,” Jensen complains, stretching himself out on his bed. “That’s why you always want to do this on my bed.”
Jared unbuttons his shirt and moves his hands to his belt buckle. “Maybe I just figure if I make you sleep in the wet spot often enough, you’ll get the idea about cuddling. On a dry bed.”
Jensen watches him through slitted eyes, smiling. “Such a fucking girl, Jay.”
Jared pulls down his pants and boxers in one swift move. “Tell it to my dick, Jenny,” he replies, and Jensen tenses up.
“Don’t call me that,” he says harshly.
Jared lies down next to him, on the strip of the narrow bed Jensen isn’t spread across. “Sorry,” he says.
Jensen doesn’t look at him. “S’okay.” But obviously it isn’t.
Jared rubs a hand down his back. “I don’t have to. Like, you could fuck me instead.”
“It’s not that.” Jensen tilts his head up. “I liked that thing you were doing with your tongue.”
“I liked doing it.” Jared tries to figure out how to get at Jensen’s ass with both of them lying on the bed. The dorm beds aren’t even really big enough for Jared on his own. “Could you maybe lie on your back?”
Jared nearly tumbles off the bed as Jensen moves to comply. “Like this?” Jensen asks, and Jared’s mouth goes dry. Jensen’s got one knee bent up, the other leg sprawled out to the side, and Jared remembers going down on Sandy for the first time (even though there’d barely been a second time) and thinking how fucking incredible it was to have someone show themselves off to you like this. He crawls down between Jensen’s legs and sucks one ball into his mouth, carefully avoiding Jensen’s cock. Jensen shudders. “Jay,” he whispers, and Jared sweeps his tongue lower. It isn’t like going down on a girl. It isn’t like anything else at all. Jensen bucks back against his mouth, spreads his legs wider, and fucking whimpers. Jared licks him open, works his tongue in, messy and wet with spit, and this time when Jensen grabs his hair it absolutely does not mean “stop.” When Jensen starts groaning aloud, Jared puts in a long finger beside his tongue, curling it up into soft shifting heat.
“Fucking love your hands, Jay,” Jensen whispers, and Jared figures that’s his cue to add a second finger. Jensen’s cock twitches against his belly, and Jared spares a single lick across the head, bitter precome in his mouth, and Jensen practically scalps him, gripping his hair like it’s the only thing keeping him from coming up off the bed completely. “And your mouth,” Jensen adds as an afterthought, breathing hard and loosening his hold on Jared’s head.
Jared grinds his cock down against the bed. His legs are hanging over the end, and he knows he looks fucking ridiculous, but every little movement of Jensen’s hips makes him harder. “Jen, can I…” he asks, licking his lips and crooking his fingers.
“Say it,” Jensen tells him, face flushed. “Ask for it.”
Jared gets up on his knees, keeping his fingers in Jensen’s ass. “Can I fuck you?” he says, leaning down to bite Jensen’s earlobe. Jensen clenches up tight around him.
“Yeah.” Jensen turns to catch Jared’s lips in a kiss. “Yeah, Jay, please.”
The box under Jensen’s bed with the condoms and lube seems way too far away. He has to pull his fingers out to get to it, and Jensen makes a soft sound and shuts his eyes. Jared slicks up his cock and positions himself between Jensen’s legs, licking Jensen’s mouth open as he pushes himself inside. Jensen wraps his legs around Jared’s hips and rocks upwards, pulling Jared in deep. “Christ, Jen,” he pants because it’s so tight, perfect, and Jensen’s groaning under him like it’s just as good for him.
“Jay, fucking move,” Jensen grits out, one hand digging into Jared’s ass, and when he does, Jensen cries out like he’s dying and makes a grab for his dick. But Jared’s already there, fingers still slippery with lube, stroking him. “Love your hands,” Jensen tells him again, working his hips, up into Jared’s hand, down onto Jared’s cock.
Jared doesn’t mean to say it. But Jensen’s sweaty and fucked out and gorgeous, and it slips out. “Love you,” he moans, and Jensen groans against the side of his neck and comes all around him, hot and sticky between their bodies. Two more thrusts and Jared’s coming too, sucking a mark into Jensen’s shoulder to keep from saying anything more.
When he gets up to throw out the condom, he’s afraid Jensen’s going to tease him. But Jensen just says, “Don’t mind sleeping in the wet spot when I don’t think I can ever move again,” in a drowsy, satisfied voice.
“Then you won’t mind this either,” Jared tells him, and Jensen scoots over to make extra room for him in the bed. Jared’s got his nose buried in the side of Jensen’s neck the next time Jensen speaks.
“I love you too,” Jensen whispers, and his heartbeat speeds up under Jared’s hand. Jared presses over the beating with his fingertips, and doesn’t say anything at all.
***
“Why do you hate being called Jenny?” Jared asks, pulling on a pair of basketball shorts and scratching at the dried come on his belly. He should go wash up, but it’ll be easier if he waits until most people have gone to dinner. No questions that way.
Jensen shakes his head, halfway into his sweatpants, which are suddenly a sexier article of clothing than ever before. “Some assholes at my old school called me that, giving me shit about being gay. I was in the spring play last year, and they fucked with the program before it went to the printer’s so it said ‘Jenny Ackles.’ My dad acted like it was my fault.”
“That’s bullshit,” says Jared, bristling at the thought. “How could he…”
Jensen shrugs. “He was just pissed, didn’t know who really did it, so he took it out on me. It wasn’t too bad. He balled out the principal too, on my behalf.” His little flicker of a smile isn’t convincing.
“I didn’t know you did drama.”
“That’s because I don’t anymore.”
“But why not?”
“Don’t feel like it.” Which is a lie if Jared’s ever heard one.
“What play were you in?”
Jensen cracks a real smile this time. “Romeo and Juliet.”
“Oh, man, were you Romeo? That’s priceless.”
“As a sophomore? You’ve gotta be kidding, Jay. There’s a hierarchy you have to go through. But I was Mercutio. It was pretty fun.” Jared hasn’t seen Jensen proud of anything he did at his old school before, not the way he is when they piss off Morgan so it looks like his head’s on fire, or when he gets a 93 and a grudging, “Good job” out of Manners, but he’s obviously proud of this.
“There are auditions soon, you know, here,” Jared says hopefully.
“I’m still doing debate. And all our stuff…”
“Stuff?” asks Jared, smirking.
“Goldfish in the fountain, fucking after class, that stuff. I’m busy.”
Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s waist, kisses the corner of his mouth. “Think you’re too good for our drama department, huh?”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Jay.”
“Or are you just chicken?”
“Maybe I just don’t want to be humiliated in public like that anymore.”
“Jensen, man, no one’s going to do that to you here.” Jared kisses the sensitive spot under Jensen’s ear. “I’ll kick their asses all the way across town.”
“I don’t know,” Jensen tells him uncertainly. “I’m not sure I want to.”
“But I want to see you up on stage, pretending to be somebody else. Maybe in tights.”
“Kinky fucker.”
“You love it.”
Jensen blushes hot and quick and looks down. “It’s not that simple, getting into a play.”
“But you have to try. You’re hot. How could they not cast you?”
“You know I could be hot and suck.”
“I hear that’s how they do it in LA.”
Jensen kisses him. “You’re a good guy, Jay.”
“I’d cast you if you were hot and sucked.”
“Yeah?” Jensen leans into him, grabbing his ass and squeezing. “What would you cast me as?”
“What do you think about porn?”
Jensen’s stomach growls. “Guess it makes me hungry.” He bites Jared’s lower lip before pulling away. “Dinner?”
“I think I want to brush my teeth first.”
“That thing with your tongue was…” Jensen goes red again.
“Awesome. I know.”
“Jay, you don’t have to do things like that.”
“I think ‘you don’t have to’ is getting to be my least favorite phrase in the English language. Jen, who the hell has sex because they have to anyway?”
“Prostitutes?”
“That’s just depressing.”
“It’s hard to know what to expect from you. I haven’t done this before.”
“I haven’t either.”
“You had Sandy. You dated Sandy. You loved Sandy. I haven’t done anything like that.”
“Wasn’t there a girl back home, for a while?” Jared doesn’t know why this line of conversation makes him nervous, but he had told Jensen he loved him, and that was already a huge thing to not be talking about.
Jensen smiles like it hurts. “Jay, I’m not like you. I can’t date girls. It’s not real for me. It would be so much easier if it was. But I haven’t cared…” He trails off into a whisper.
“And if I tell you you’re doing everything right, and you should stop worrying?”
“Let’s go to dinner. I’m probably crazy from hunger.”
“Jensen?”
“After dinner, Jay, seriously.”
“You going to go like that?” Jared asks, looking at Jensen’s sweatpants with the frayed cuffs, his paint-stained t-shirt.
Jensen snorts, cracks a smile. “Yeah, maybe not.”
Jared listens to him in the shower as he brushes his teeth, and just the thought of Jensen wet and naked and nearby makes him grin.
***
“So,” says Jensen, and Jared wonders when he developed the ability to sound so eerily like Sandy.
“Yeah?” replies Jared vaguely. He kind of gorged himself on cafeteria mac and cheese, and he’s not sure the chemicals they use to make it orange haven’t gone to his head. Having this conversation seems a lot more daunting now than it did an hour ago.
But after his “so”, Jensen doesn’t seem so sure, doesn’t have a written agenda or a diagram or any of the stuff he usually comes up with during his insomniac nights thinking of shit to pull around school. He scratches the back of his head and bites his lip. “So when you said you loved me, what you meant was…”
Jared’s heart turns over and threatens to beat right out of his chest. “Maybe I just meant what I said.”
“Maybe you just meant you like fucking me and you don’t want to stop doing that.”
“That’s a part of it.”
“How big a part?”
“Do you want a pie chart?” Jared leans back and looks critically at him. “Thirty-two percent. How about you?”
“I don’t know, Jay. I told you, I haven’t done this. I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like.”
“Well, what does it feel like?”
Jensen shrugs helplessly. “It feels like I don’t want it to stop.”
“Even if I drag you to lame school club meetings and introduce you to everyone as my honey.”
“Yeah. Probably even then.” Jensen pauses for a moment. “Although if you ever call me your ‘honey’ again, we may have a problem.”
“What about my lovemuffin?”
“You do and I’ll start calling you sugarpants, I swear to God.”
“Now that one’s actually pretty good. I accept your terms, lovemuffin.” Jared holds out his hand to shake, and Jensen uses it to drag him into bed.
***
“Padalecki! Hang around a minute,” Rosenbaum calls as Jared’s halfway to the door, and Chad makes an “ooh, you’re in trouble” sound because apparently no one told him they aren’t twelve anymore. Jared’s not gonna punch him when he might already be in trouble, but it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t like to.
“Sir?” he asks politely, coming to stand by Rosenbaum’s cluttered desk.
“The time has come, Padalecki, to talk of many things,” Rosenbaum tells him, in typically unhelpful fashion. He doesn’t smell like weed, which means he probably isn’t stoned, just incoherent.
“Um, okay.”
“Can you meet me here at lunch today?” His blue eyes go sharp, and Jared tries to remember if he and Jensen have done anything really bad this week, but they’ve mostly stayed in and fucked, so that doesn’t help. He doesn’t want to try a denial that will just make him sound guilty.
“I’ll be here,” he says instead, and Rosenbaum slouches back in his chair.
“Good. Run or you’ll be late.” Jared spends the rest of the morning uneasy, ignoring Sandy’s questions and Jensen’s raised eyebrows.
***
“Close the door,” says Rosenbaum, looking up from his book (Hunter Thompson today).
Jared does, taking a chair in front of the teacher’s desk and working himself back to calm. He’s come up with some good alibis in the last hour and a half, explanations of his whereabouts that put him far, far away from the food coloring in the water fountains. But none of his excuses are made for what Rosenbaum actually says.
“Padalecki, just tell me you’re not fucking your roommate.”
Jared feels all the color drain out of his face, feels his fantasies of holding hands with Jensen at GSA meetings slipping away. He has no idea how to reply. He’s always been a shitty liar anyway. “I…” he begins.
“You know there’s a reason we don’t have any coed dorms here,” Rosenbaum says soberly.
Jared thinks he’s probably got nothing left to lose. “So no one gets pregnant and their parents don’t sue?”
“Exactly. But girls getting knocked up is not the only thing that might make parents uneasy. Can you think of anything else? Do you think any of them want to know that their precious darlings are getting busy at this expensive institution, even if they know how to use a rubber?”
“Probably not.” And yeah, the word “rubber” definitely didn’t make Jared blush this much last week.
“No. Probably not,” agrees Rosenbaum. “So what does that tell you?”
Jared just looks at him. He doesn’t want to get this one wrong.
“Perhaps that you shouldn’t give your parents any way of finding out that you’re screwing someone this school saw fit for you to room with, and that means you shouldn’t give the school any reason to report it.” He pins Jared with a look, and Jared nods. “And if they have to ask you to switch rooms, they’re going to have to do just that. Are you getting this?”
“No,” Jared says honestly. “Mr. Rosenbaum, I don’t think I…”
Rosenbaum interrupts him. “Spend less time staring soulfully into Ackles’ eyes and we won’t have a problem. Right now, you haven’t told me anything, so I’m not going to say anything to the powers that be. Let’s keep it that way. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now, if you want to talk hypotheticals, I’m here for that. But I would keep the specifics out of it, in GSA too. They may look sweet, but those kids are a damn effective rumor mill when they put their minds to it. And if this gets back to the administration, they’re going to have to do something about it.”
“Uh-huh.” Jared doesn’t really like that he’s been reduced to one-word answers, but this is all so weird. Rosenbaum’s telling him he knows about him and Jensen, and that he’s going to pretend he doesn’t. “Why are you doing this for me?”
“We all know you kids can’t keep it in your pants, and if you’ve got a thing with someone you actually care about, that’s a hell of a lot better than the random shit your peers get into at parties. You’re a good kid, and I don’t want to encourage you to be anything else. Have candlelit dinners with your boyfriend. Just be discreet.”
“We’re not supposed to have candles in the dorm, sir.”
“Touché, Padalecki. Do you need a lecture on safer sex?”
Jared’s blush gets even deeper, and he looks down at his hands in his lap, remembering the feeling of Jensen around him, hot and slick. “No, I, uh, think I know how it works.”
“Good. Anything else?”
Jared considers. He’s got plenty of questions, but Rosenbaum’s still his teacher and he doesn’t think he can ask them. “No, sir.”
“All right then, get out of my sight. Don’t knock up any girls. And have a nice day.”
It’s abrupt, but that’s not totally unexpected. Rosenbaum raises his coffee cup in a toast as Jared makes his way to the door. “Thanks,” says Jared, but Rosenbaum doesn’t respond. He’s already back in his book.
***
“So I talked to Rosenbaum today,” Jared says that night after on-dorm, the first time they’ve been alone together all day. Jensen looks up sharply, setting his book down on the bed beside him.
“Yeah?”
Jared strips out of his shoes and his school shirt and lies down on his bed. “He says I need to stop staring soulfully at you if I don’t want everyone to know we’re fucking, since the school might frown upon me fucking my roommate.”
Jensen’s eyes go wide. “Shit,” he whispers, sharp as a gunshot.
“That’s basically what I said.”
“Is he going to… What’s he going to do?”
Jared shakes his head quick before Jensen actually hyperventilates or jumps out the window or something. “Nothing. That’s what’s weird. He basically told me he knew what was going on, and then told me he didn’t. I guess it must be a liability thing or something.”
Jensen’s quiet for a long time before he offers, “I could request to switch roommates.”
“But that wouldn’t…” Oh. Basically Jensen’s saying he’d give up getting laid for the sake of Jared’s coming-out dream. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“But you’re gonna stop staring soulfully at me so everyone can go back to thinking you’re straight?”
“I might even go to a lacrosse party and get a hand job from a girl I don’t know.”
“I bet that was not Rosenbaum’s suggestion.”
“Not exactly. He said it was probably good that I wasn’t just hooking up with girls at parties, that I was with someone I really cared about.”
“Yeah?” Jensen turns onto his side, his t-shirt riding up and showing off a line of pale skin at his waist.
Jared tosses his socks onto the floor and nods. “So, basically, I think he thinks this secret affair we’ve got going on isn’t a bad thing at all. And we can always get singles next year, and tell everybody then, no harm, no foul.”
“Next year,” Jensen echoes, like he’s mulling it over, and then he’s climbing into bed beside Jared, laying down on top of him and sliding his tongue into Jared’s mouth. Jensen bends his head to catch Jared’s bottom lip between his teeth, sucks at it before going for Jared’s tongue again. His hands catch and hold, one in Jared’s hair, one in the thin fabric of his undershirt, as he grinds down against Jared’s hardening dick.
“If I had any idea that was all I had to say,” Jared begins dazedly, when Jensen finally lets him have his mouth back. But then Jensen starts sucking on the side of his neck, and Jared gives up on talking and puts a hand on Jensen’s ass to keep him there.
“Wanna fuck me, Jay?” Jensen asks, rocking against him in a smooth, fluid rhythm. “Want me to ride you until you come so hard you pass out?”
“I have homework,” Jared says dumbly, but there’s no way that’s a no. Jensen’s pulling at the fly of Jared’s pants, straddling Jared’s thighs, and working his own sweats down and off until they’re hanging from the bedpost. He rubs his naked ass over Jared’s still clothed cock, and Jared thinks he might die from wanting this so much. “Jesus Christ, Jen,” he whispers, voice shot, and Jensen’s grin glints white in the glow of Jared’s desk lamp.
“Tell me, Jay,” Jensen says, low and dirty. “Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”
Jared’s hands span Jensen’s hips, and Jensen grinds down harder over Jared’s groin, knees spread wide. “Want you to ride me,” Jared tells him. “Want to watch you stroking yourself while my dick’s in you. Want to feel you come all around me.”
Jensen jumps off him, and for a second Jared thinks he’s offended, but then he realizes Jensen’s going for condoms and lube, and he pulls off his own clothes quickly. By the time Jensen comes back to straddle his lap again, Jared’s stroking his cock like there’s no tomorrow, urgently, desperately hard. Jensen grabs his wrist. “Don’t do it without me,” he hisses, and Jared knows an order when he hears one.
He watches Jensen’s push slick fingers into the shadows behind his balls, feels his thighs tremble as he strokes himself open, head dropping back to expose the long line of his neck. “So fucking gorgeous, Jen,” Jared says, stroking up his thigh, slipping one finger in beside two of Jensen’s own, making him gasp, but he’s loose enough to take it. A bit more lube and Jensen’s taking four fingers, two of Jared’s and two of his own, fucking himself down on them. Jensen wraps his free hand around Jared’s cock and milks it slow and slippery as he does, and the moment he twists up and off leaves Jared frozen, breathless.
“Ready?” Jensen asks, but he doesn’t wait for an answer, just sinks himself down over Jared’s cock and starts to ride it, slow rolling motions of his hips. And no condom, Jared realizes after a second. Nothing between them but sweat and lube, and it’s even hotter inside Jensen like this, even more perfect. Jensen’s eyes slip closed and he bites his lip, and Jared can’t imagine anything prettier than Jensen sitting on his cock, trying not to come. Jensen lifts himself up, and Jared watches the slow stretch of muscle in his thighs, the heavy bob of his dick against his stomach. He grabs for it, takes it in his hand, a firm grip that makes Jensen gasp. “So damn good, Jay,” Jensen says, warm and low, settling a hand on Jared’s belly as he fucks himself harder. “Want you to come inside me.”
Jared meets Jensen’s eyes, and even in the dark, they’re almost painfully hot, and it’s too much, all of a sudden. Jared’s balls draw up tight, and he squeezes Jensen’s thigh as he comes, so hard it’ll maybe be a bruise in the morning. “That’s it, baby,” Jensen tells him, slamming his hips down against Jared’s, and Jared strokes Jensen’s dick faster, bringing him off, slick white between their bodies.
Jensen climbs off him, wobbly legged, and Jared leans up on one elbow to watch him grab his pants. “Where are you going?” he asks.
Jensen twitches a smile at him and touches a hand to the curve of his ass. “Gonna go wash up.”
“Want help?”
“Think you’ve helped enough for right now,” he says, and winks at Jared before slipping out the door, towel in hand.
Jared takes a second to think about it, touches his dick, sticky, and follows anyway.
Jensen’s in the shower when Jared gets to the bathroom, and he jumps when the door opens, caught with his fingers up his ass, washing Jared’s come out. “Howdy, stranger,” says Jared, turning on the water and stepping under the shower next to his.
“Howdy yourself.” Their voices echo, and after that they’re both quiet, a minute of steam and spray against Jared’s skin, and he looks at Jensen out of the corner of his eye, taking in the swirl of his fingers against his stomach, over his crotch.
“Come back to bed,” Jensen says softly, shutting off his shower and moving to dry off.
“Coming,” says Jared, and when he gets back, Jensen’s lying in Jared’s bed, in spite of the wet spot, smiling.
“That an invitation, Ackles?”
Jensen opens his arms, and Jared snuggles into them, rubbing his nose against the side of Jensen’s neck as Jensen’s hands come to rest at his hips. They’re both still damp, and Jensen’s t-shirt still smells sweaty and musky from before, and Jared tilts his mouth up to whisper, “Why’d you do that?”
“Do what?” Jensen replies sleepily.
“Fuck me without a condom?”
“I wanted to know what it was like.”
“And what was it like?”
“Messy.” He figures Jensen’s going to sleep after that, but then he says, “I knew it was okay to do it with you. With anyone else, it wouldn’t be.”
“Why?” asks Jared.
“You know why,” Jensen tells him, and then kisses him to shut him up, soft and sweet with the lightest flicker of tongue. And Jared does know, so he curves a hand around the side of Jensen’s face and kisses back for all he’s worth. He swears he’ll wake up early tomorrow to do his history homework.
Part V
“It’d be nice if you’d come too, but either way, I’m going,” says Jared firmly. Things have been good the last couple of weeks, so many new positions to try once they figured out Jensen really could get his knees up to his ears, and Jared has barely even thought about getting involved with school clubs.
Jensen shoves his hands in his pockets, brow furrowed. “Jay, you know what happened the last time I got involved in one of these things. Man, if my parents found out, if they even found out there was something like that at this school…”
Jared’s stomach pitches. This is the part of Jensen’s family they don’t talk about. They stick to shit his little sister gets into, or his brother’s emails about college parties, and sometimes Jared even forgets that Jensen’s parents have made him feel so bad for something he just is. “Rosenbaum promised me it was confidential. Nobody’s ever supposed to talk about anything that’s said there.”
Jensen snorts. “Right. I’m sure that’s a flawless system.”
Jared’s starting to get a little sick of Jensen’s pessimism. “Why are you assuming the worst about people you don’t even know?”
“Because I probably do know them. I’m probably in class with them every single day, but if I go to this meeting, then tomorrow I’ll be in class with them and they’ll think they know something about me all of a sudden.”
“Yeah, well, maybe it would be good to let someone know something about you every once in a while.”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “That’s therapist bullshit, Jay, and you know it. You want to throw a coming out ball because you feel guilty about hiding things from your friends, then say it, but don’t try to make this into some shit about my mental health because I think my mental health is just fucking fine.” He’s nearly vibrating with anger now, eyes flashing dark and hot.
“I don’t want you to be ashamed to be with me,” Jared says softly, and the stiff line of Jensen’s shoulders bends.
Jensen looks at him through lowered lashes, and Jared wraps a hand around his wrist to tug him close. “I’m not ashamed of you, Jay,” he says, cupping a hand around Jared’s jaw. “But not everybody needs to know what we do. It’s our business.”
“Maybe,” says Jared, thinking of what Sandy said to him about Allie. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone else by not telling.
Jensen kisses the corner of his mouth, soft. “Tell you what? You go this week, and meet everybody, and then if you tell me they’re not assholes, I’ll consider going to the next one.”
“They won’t be assholes.”
“It’s top secret. You don’t know who’s going to be there. Could be Chad.”
“Chad’s not gay; he’s just a pussy.”
“Don’t have to be gay to go to one of these things. Didn’t somebody tell me that?”
Jared’s not sure whether to kiss him or throttle him, but Jensen’s smirk makes the former an almost irresistible option. “I’ll be back in an hour or so,” Jared says, rubbing his thumb along Jensen’s bottom lip. “Stay out of trouble.”
Jensen’s eyes flash, and Jared almost gives up on the meeting and undresses him right there. “I’ll find some way to amuse myself,” Jensen says. “We’ve still got plenty of lube.” He steps back, away from Jared (and Jared’s burgeoning hard-on). “If you’re not back by dark, I’ll send out a search party.”
“Jerk,” says Jared, and he’s out the door before Jensen can do anything else to tempt him back in.
***
The GSA meets in a second floor classroom in the humanities building, and Jared remembers having Spanish in here last year, Mr. Edlund’s messy cursive defining literary verb tenses all over the board. The desks are set in a circle now, and that means there’s no way Jared can just hide at the back and pretend he’s not there. Even less so when Rosenbaum comes up to the door behind him and says, “Don’t be scared, Padalecki. It won’t be as bad as you think.”
There are already about ten people there when Jared arrives, including Sandy and Adrianne, who looks at him wide-eyed as he sits down on Sandy’s other side. “I should never have called you a coward,” says Sandy, planting a kiss on his cheek.
Jared’s brow furrows. “You didn’t.”
“Well, not to your face.” Even Adrianne cracks a smile at that, and Jared rolls his eyes.
“All right,” says Rosenbaum, leaning against the edge of the desk. “Tal’s the discussion leader for the day.”
A skinny, sharp-eyed blonde Jared thinks is a sophomore looks around the room. Her eyes catch on him. “Don’t we want the new guy to introduce himself first?”
Jared tries to remember how cool and outgoing he is while everyone in the room stares at him. “I’m Jared,” he says, summoning up a grin. “I’m a junior, and, uh, that’s it.”
“You play soccer, right?” says Gabe Tigerman, otherwise known as the junior class president, and Jared’s a little surprised Gabe even knows his name.
“Don’t usually get boy jocks in here,” says Tal narrowly. “What made you come today?”
Jared’s not used to people being suspicious of him. He’s not sure what to do. Luckily, Sandy steps in for him. “He’s here because he wants to be, Alona. I think that should be enough.” She’s cute, but she’s also kind of terrifying.
Alona backs down. “Sure.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “So, today’s topic of discussion is Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and how that kind of discrimination adversely affects national security. I’ve got a fact sheet right here with some statistics…”
Rosenbaum sighs as a couple of people mumble uncomplimentary things about the military and the president. The fact sheet Alona passes around is a whole lot of numbers, and nobody’s really saying much. It seems like it would be a pretty bad idea to tangle with Alona, and her little speech as she passed the sheet made it pretty clear what she thought. Jared wonders if he should have just stayed home and fucked Jensen. Finally, Gabe pipes up, “Could we maybe talk about something closer to home?”
“Like what?” says Rosenbaum.
“Like I’ve got a date on Friday night and I have no idea what to do.”
“A-ha.” Rosenbaum settles more comfortably on the edge of the desk. “The universal dilemma. How not to make an ass of yourself in front of someone you want to sleep with.”
Jared thinks teachers probably aren’t supposed to say things like that, but everyone else is too busy asking Gabe about his date to care. Even Alona seems interested. It’s weird because it’s someone else’s gossip, and everyone else in the room knows Gabe and he doesn’t, but Sandy nudges him with her shoulder while Gabe tells a couple of younger students about how the guy asked him out when he was hanging out with his home friends, and says, “Not so scary, is it?”
Jared grins. “Guess not.”
“So, you got any dating tips, as the only guy here with a boyfriend?” Somehow she manages to say this just as there’s a lull in the conversation, so even though she’s whispering, it carries, and suddenly everyone’s staring at him like he’s an alien again. Sandy cringes.
“You really are gay?” says Alona, like it’s some kind of shock.
“Uh, bi, actually,” replies Jared awkwardly.
“And you have a boyfriend?” says a girl he thinks is a freshman. “Does he go here?”
Jared blushes. He and Jensen don’t use words like “boyfriend,” and even if they did, he doesn’t really want to out his roommate to a bunch of strangers and his writing teacher after Jensen specifically told him not to. “We’re not…” he begins, then stops and rubs his hands nervously over the knees of his uniform pants. Because it’s a lie, and he doesn’t want to start off getting to know these people with a lie. “Hey, weren’t we talking about Gabe’s date?” he says lamely.
“You were,” Rosenbaum steps in. “Let’s not scare Padalecki off already.”
“But how do you do it, here?” Gabe says, obviously missing the point. “I mean, no one knows about you. No one would even think you were…”
“Except McCoy,” Alona points out.
Adrianne’s looking like she gets it too, but she doesn’t say anything. “That’s kind of, uh, why I’m here,” Jared says. “I don’t really know what it means to be gay, but I,” he glances at Rosenbaum, “I think I need to find out.”
“Well said, Padalecki. And what have you learned so far?”
Jared tries not to frown. It doesn’t seem fair that he’s still the one talking. “That dating’s just as confusing for you as it is for anyone else.” He shrugs. “Except maybe I knew that already.”
“Do you ever go out?” Gabe asks. “On weekends or anything? What do people think?”
“I guess they think we’re friends,” Jared tells him. “And we are. Just… more, too. People see what they expect, I guess.”
Sandy kind of saves his ass because he’s not sure he’s got any more to say on the subject when she pipes up, “The most important thing about dating is not to stress about it. If he asked you out, then he must already like you, Gabe. Which, seriously, who wouldn’t?” she winks at him, and he blushes.
“But what do you do when you’re on a date with a guy?” Jared asks. Jensen’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t need flowers or teddy bears or dinners in fancy restaurants, and it’s okay that when they go out it’s usually to plot the next way to make principal Morgan turn funny colors, but there’s also Jensen’s bullshit “you aren’t gay” thing that Jared wants to defend against. He feels like he’s got something to prove, even if Jensen doesn’t want it proven.
Everyone kind of looks at each other. Rosenbaum stares out the window, and Jared gives a little more thought to the makeup of the room. There are a couple of quiet senior girls everyone’s known were dykes since the invention of field hockey, Sandy, Adrianne, Gabe, Alona, and two boys and three girls who are probably freshmen, or maybe sophomores. He suddenly has to entertain the thought that he has way more experience dating guys than anyone else here except for Sandy, and that was mostly with him. It gives him a headache. He had wanted guidance. One of the senior girls says finally, “You just have to be careful where you go. They kicked us out of that bookstore in town for holding hands.”
“That’s horrible!” exclaims Alona. “Don’t they know they can’t do that?”
“Private property,” says the other senior girl. “It’s their decision. No one ever said queer was easy.” She looks at Jared.
That sums it up. There’s silence for a minute before one of the freshmen start talking about a movie Jared hasn’t seen, something about England and Mama Cass, and Sandy bumps shoulders with him again. Adrianne gives him a smile over the top of Sandy’s head, but she doesn’t look completely happy. All in all, Jared’s kind of glad to get out of there.
***
Jensen turns around in his chair and grins at Jared as he walks in. “You came back,” he says lightly.
Jared leans against the edge of Jensen’s desk, his ass against Jensen’s calc book, and replies, “You thought I’d like them so much I wouldn’t?”
“Or they’d put you through some weird gay initiation ritual and I’d have to save your ass from a vat of hot oil.”
“Y’all would do that for me?” Jared asks, pressing a hand to his chest and fluttering his eyelashes.
“Yep,” agrees Jensen mildly. “So, how was it?”
“Felt like I was coming in in the middle of something,” Jared shrugs. “Which I kind of was, you know, but they all knew each other already, and…”
“They didn’t all love you on sight the way you’re used to?” It’s kind of an asshole thing to say, but Jensen softens it with a hand on Jared’s knee, squeezing gently.
“It was just weird. This kid from one of my classes was like, ‘But aren’t you on the soccer team?’ as if Coach Welling wasn’t already, you know.”
“A big homo,” offers Jensen.
“And then Sandy said something to me like, ‘oh, your boyfriend,’ and this scary girl was like, ‘Wait, you really are gay?’ and I don’t know. It was just weird.”
“So you’re not going to make me go next week?”
Jared hesitates. “If you went with me they’d probably know we were…” There isn’t a word, so he stops, watches Jensen’s face carefully.
“Probably,” Jensen agrees, and he holds Jared’s eyes, and Jared’s having trouble believing what that tells him.
“That a chance you’re willing to take?” he asks, knowing that GSA would be better if Jensen were living through it too.
“If that’s what you want,” Jensen replies. “If you don’t mind everyone knowing you’re slumming it with a guy who went to public school.”
“I want to kiss you,” Jared tells him, and he’s halfway into Jensen’s lap when the chair falls over, spilling them both onto the floor.
“Way to break the school furniture, Sasquatch,” says Jensen, running his fingers through Jared’s hair, cupping the back of his head and rubbing gently.
“It’s not broken,” replies Jared confidently. The tile is cool under his back, and Jensen’s sprawled halfway on top of him. He wonders if they could just stay like this. He tries to pull Jensen’s mouth down to his, but Jensen makes a protesting noise and sits up.
“Come on, Jay. Not gonna let you fuck me on the floor.” He stands up, and Jared just lies there, taking in the lean lines of Jensen’s body, not so well disguised by his t-shirt and sweats.
Jensen sees him watching and cocks an eyebrow. “You looking for a show?” he asks roughly, blushing hot but not looking away, and Jared recognizes the hard bulge of his cock under his pants.
“Abso-fucking-lutely,” replies Jared, and lies back on the floor, arms behind his head, while Jensen runs his fingers along the bottom hem of his shirt.
He strips it over his head in one fluid motion, and Jared’s fixated on the rippling of his abs, the fine trail of golden-brown hair that starts at Jensen’s navel. Jensen twirls the t-shirt above his head, grinning, before he drops it on Jared’s face. It smells like Jensen’s deodorant, hair gel, and that warmth underneath is Jensen himself. He breathes in deep.
“Perv,” says Jensen, watching Jared try to inhale his shirt. He’s circling his nipple with one finger, catching it with his thumbnail, and Jared wants that to be his mouth. He thinks about sitting up, but then Jensen turns around, and Jared’s brain migrates south at the sight of Jensen’s low-slung sweatpants hanging off the gorgeous curve of his ass. Jensen’s dipping his fingers under the waistband, wiggling his hips a little, and Jared can’t even speculate about how Jensen got so good at this because he’s already so damn hard from watching him take off his pants. They’re sliding down Jensen’s hips, slow and smooth, and it takes a couple of seconds for Jared’s brain to catch up again, but Jensen’s not wearing any underwear, and it’s just too much. He gets up onto his knees, grabs Jensen’s hips, and presses his mouth to the soft hot skin just above Jensen’s crack.
“Jay!” Jensen exclaims, and for a second Jared thinks he might tip over, but Jared has made a decision now, and he just curves his fingers around Jensen’s hipbones and holds on tighter. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he saw this in some of the porn he watched over Christmas break for “research” and as he slides his tongue down the crack of Jensen’s ass, Jensen groans deep in his throat.
He’s said things tasted like ass before, but he’s pretty sure this isn’t really what he meant, Jared thinks, as he licks more deeply between Jensen’s cheeks, pushing his thumbs in between to give him better access to Jensen’s hole. Jensen reaches back and tangles a hand in his hair, and Jared doesn’t even mind the pull of it until Jensen murmurs, “Stop, Jay.”
“Don’t want to stop,” Jared replies simply, and presses a kiss to the base of Jensen’s spine.
Jensen shudders. “If we don’t move to someplace where I can hang onto something, I’m gonna fall over.”
“So damn picky, Jen,” Jared tells him, levering himself up and slapping Jensen on the ass.
Jensen yelps and glares at him, rubbing his butt with one hand. “That hurt, asshole.”
Jared grins. “Let me kiss it and make it better.” He nods towards Jensen’s bed. “Why don’t you go lay down?”
“You want me to wind up sleeping in the wet spot,” Jensen complains, stretching himself out on his bed. “That’s why you always want to do this on my bed.”
Jared unbuttons his shirt and moves his hands to his belt buckle. “Maybe I just figure if I make you sleep in the wet spot often enough, you’ll get the idea about cuddling. On a dry bed.”
Jensen watches him through slitted eyes, smiling. “Such a fucking girl, Jay.”
Jared pulls down his pants and boxers in one swift move. “Tell it to my dick, Jenny,” he replies, and Jensen tenses up.
“Don’t call me that,” he says harshly.
Jared lies down next to him, on the strip of the narrow bed Jensen isn’t spread across. “Sorry,” he says.
Jensen doesn’t look at him. “S’okay.” But obviously it isn’t.
Jared rubs a hand down his back. “I don’t have to. Like, you could fuck me instead.”
“It’s not that.” Jensen tilts his head up. “I liked that thing you were doing with your tongue.”
“I liked doing it.” Jared tries to figure out how to get at Jensen’s ass with both of them lying on the bed. The dorm beds aren’t even really big enough for Jared on his own. “Could you maybe lie on your back?”
Jared nearly tumbles off the bed as Jensen moves to comply. “Like this?” Jensen asks, and Jared’s mouth goes dry. Jensen’s got one knee bent up, the other leg sprawled out to the side, and Jared remembers going down on Sandy for the first time (even though there’d barely been a second time) and thinking how fucking incredible it was to have someone show themselves off to you like this. He crawls down between Jensen’s legs and sucks one ball into his mouth, carefully avoiding Jensen’s cock. Jensen shudders. “Jay,” he whispers, and Jared sweeps his tongue lower. It isn’t like going down on a girl. It isn’t like anything else at all. Jensen bucks back against his mouth, spreads his legs wider, and fucking whimpers. Jared licks him open, works his tongue in, messy and wet with spit, and this time when Jensen grabs his hair it absolutely does not mean “stop.” When Jensen starts groaning aloud, Jared puts in a long finger beside his tongue, curling it up into soft shifting heat.
“Fucking love your hands, Jay,” Jensen whispers, and Jared figures that’s his cue to add a second finger. Jensen’s cock twitches against his belly, and Jared spares a single lick across the head, bitter precome in his mouth, and Jensen practically scalps him, gripping his hair like it’s the only thing keeping him from coming up off the bed completely. “And your mouth,” Jensen adds as an afterthought, breathing hard and loosening his hold on Jared’s head.
Jared grinds his cock down against the bed. His legs are hanging over the end, and he knows he looks fucking ridiculous, but every little movement of Jensen’s hips makes him harder. “Jen, can I…” he asks, licking his lips and crooking his fingers.
“Say it,” Jensen tells him, face flushed. “Ask for it.”
Jared gets up on his knees, keeping his fingers in Jensen’s ass. “Can I fuck you?” he says, leaning down to bite Jensen’s earlobe. Jensen clenches up tight around him.
“Yeah.” Jensen turns to catch Jared’s lips in a kiss. “Yeah, Jay, please.”
The box under Jensen’s bed with the condoms and lube seems way too far away. He has to pull his fingers out to get to it, and Jensen makes a soft sound and shuts his eyes. Jared slicks up his cock and positions himself between Jensen’s legs, licking Jensen’s mouth open as he pushes himself inside. Jensen wraps his legs around Jared’s hips and rocks upwards, pulling Jared in deep. “Christ, Jen,” he pants because it’s so tight, perfect, and Jensen’s groaning under him like it’s just as good for him.
“Jay, fucking move,” Jensen grits out, one hand digging into Jared’s ass, and when he does, Jensen cries out like he’s dying and makes a grab for his dick. But Jared’s already there, fingers still slippery with lube, stroking him. “Love your hands,” Jensen tells him again, working his hips, up into Jared’s hand, down onto Jared’s cock.
Jared doesn’t mean to say it. But Jensen’s sweaty and fucked out and gorgeous, and it slips out. “Love you,” he moans, and Jensen groans against the side of his neck and comes all around him, hot and sticky between their bodies. Two more thrusts and Jared’s coming too, sucking a mark into Jensen’s shoulder to keep from saying anything more.
When he gets up to throw out the condom, he’s afraid Jensen’s going to tease him. But Jensen just says, “Don’t mind sleeping in the wet spot when I don’t think I can ever move again,” in a drowsy, satisfied voice.
“Then you won’t mind this either,” Jared tells him, and Jensen scoots over to make extra room for him in the bed. Jared’s got his nose buried in the side of Jensen’s neck the next time Jensen speaks.
“I love you too,” Jensen whispers, and his heartbeat speeds up under Jared’s hand. Jared presses over the beating with his fingertips, and doesn’t say anything at all.
***
“Why do you hate being called Jenny?” Jared asks, pulling on a pair of basketball shorts and scratching at the dried come on his belly. He should go wash up, but it’ll be easier if he waits until most people have gone to dinner. No questions that way.
Jensen shakes his head, halfway into his sweatpants, which are suddenly a sexier article of clothing than ever before. “Some assholes at my old school called me that, giving me shit about being gay. I was in the spring play last year, and they fucked with the program before it went to the printer’s so it said ‘Jenny Ackles.’ My dad acted like it was my fault.”
“That’s bullshit,” says Jared, bristling at the thought. “How could he…”
Jensen shrugs. “He was just pissed, didn’t know who really did it, so he took it out on me. It wasn’t too bad. He balled out the principal too, on my behalf.” His little flicker of a smile isn’t convincing.
“I didn’t know you did drama.”
“That’s because I don’t anymore.”
“But why not?”
“Don’t feel like it.” Which is a lie if Jared’s ever heard one.
“What play were you in?”
Jensen cracks a real smile this time. “Romeo and Juliet.”
“Oh, man, were you Romeo? That’s priceless.”
“As a sophomore? You’ve gotta be kidding, Jay. There’s a hierarchy you have to go through. But I was Mercutio. It was pretty fun.” Jared hasn’t seen Jensen proud of anything he did at his old school before, not the way he is when they piss off Morgan so it looks like his head’s on fire, or when he gets a 93 and a grudging, “Good job” out of Manners, but he’s obviously proud of this.
“There are auditions soon, you know, here,” Jared says hopefully.
“I’m still doing debate. And all our stuff…”
“Stuff?” asks Jared, smirking.
“Goldfish in the fountain, fucking after class, that stuff. I’m busy.”
Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s waist, kisses the corner of his mouth. “Think you’re too good for our drama department, huh?”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Jay.”
“Or are you just chicken?”
“Maybe I just don’t want to be humiliated in public like that anymore.”
“Jensen, man, no one’s going to do that to you here.” Jared kisses the sensitive spot under Jensen’s ear. “I’ll kick their asses all the way across town.”
“I don’t know,” Jensen tells him uncertainly. “I’m not sure I want to.”
“But I want to see you up on stage, pretending to be somebody else. Maybe in tights.”
“Kinky fucker.”
“You love it.”
Jensen blushes hot and quick and looks down. “It’s not that simple, getting into a play.”
“But you have to try. You’re hot. How could they not cast you?”
“You know I could be hot and suck.”
“I hear that’s how they do it in LA.”
Jensen kisses him. “You’re a good guy, Jay.”
“I’d cast you if you were hot and sucked.”
“Yeah?” Jensen leans into him, grabbing his ass and squeezing. “What would you cast me as?”
“What do you think about porn?”
Jensen’s stomach growls. “Guess it makes me hungry.” He bites Jared’s lower lip before pulling away. “Dinner?”
“I think I want to brush my teeth first.”
“That thing with your tongue was…” Jensen goes red again.
“Awesome. I know.”
“Jay, you don’t have to do things like that.”
“I think ‘you don’t have to’ is getting to be my least favorite phrase in the English language. Jen, who the hell has sex because they have to anyway?”
“Prostitutes?”
“That’s just depressing.”
“It’s hard to know what to expect from you. I haven’t done this before.”
“I haven’t either.”
“You had Sandy. You dated Sandy. You loved Sandy. I haven’t done anything like that.”
“Wasn’t there a girl back home, for a while?” Jared doesn’t know why this line of conversation makes him nervous, but he had told Jensen he loved him, and that was already a huge thing to not be talking about.
Jensen smiles like it hurts. “Jay, I’m not like you. I can’t date girls. It’s not real for me. It would be so much easier if it was. But I haven’t cared…” He trails off into a whisper.
“And if I tell you you’re doing everything right, and you should stop worrying?”
“Let’s go to dinner. I’m probably crazy from hunger.”
“Jensen?”
“After dinner, Jay, seriously.”
“You going to go like that?” Jared asks, looking at Jensen’s sweatpants with the frayed cuffs, his paint-stained t-shirt.
Jensen snorts, cracks a smile. “Yeah, maybe not.”
Jared listens to him in the shower as he brushes his teeth, and just the thought of Jensen wet and naked and nearby makes him grin.
***
“So,” says Jensen, and Jared wonders when he developed the ability to sound so eerily like Sandy.
“Yeah?” replies Jared vaguely. He kind of gorged himself on cafeteria mac and cheese, and he’s not sure the chemicals they use to make it orange haven’t gone to his head. Having this conversation seems a lot more daunting now than it did an hour ago.
But after his “so”, Jensen doesn’t seem so sure, doesn’t have a written agenda or a diagram or any of the stuff he usually comes up with during his insomniac nights thinking of shit to pull around school. He scratches the back of his head and bites his lip. “So when you said you loved me, what you meant was…”
Jared’s heart turns over and threatens to beat right out of his chest. “Maybe I just meant what I said.”
“Maybe you just meant you like fucking me and you don’t want to stop doing that.”
“That’s a part of it.”
“How big a part?”
“Do you want a pie chart?” Jared leans back and looks critically at him. “Thirty-two percent. How about you?”
“I don’t know, Jay. I told you, I haven’t done this. I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like.”
“Well, what does it feel like?”
Jensen shrugs helplessly. “It feels like I don’t want it to stop.”
“Even if I drag you to lame school club meetings and introduce you to everyone as my honey.”
“Yeah. Probably even then.” Jensen pauses for a moment. “Although if you ever call me your ‘honey’ again, we may have a problem.”
“What about my lovemuffin?”
“You do and I’ll start calling you sugarpants, I swear to God.”
“Now that one’s actually pretty good. I accept your terms, lovemuffin.” Jared holds out his hand to shake, and Jensen uses it to drag him into bed.
***
“Padalecki! Hang around a minute,” Rosenbaum calls as Jared’s halfway to the door, and Chad makes an “ooh, you’re in trouble” sound because apparently no one told him they aren’t twelve anymore. Jared’s not gonna punch him when he might already be in trouble, but it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t like to.
“Sir?” he asks politely, coming to stand by Rosenbaum’s cluttered desk.
“The time has come, Padalecki, to talk of many things,” Rosenbaum tells him, in typically unhelpful fashion. He doesn’t smell like weed, which means he probably isn’t stoned, just incoherent.
“Um, okay.”
“Can you meet me here at lunch today?” His blue eyes go sharp, and Jared tries to remember if he and Jensen have done anything really bad this week, but they’ve mostly stayed in and fucked, so that doesn’t help. He doesn’t want to try a denial that will just make him sound guilty.
“I’ll be here,” he says instead, and Rosenbaum slouches back in his chair.
“Good. Run or you’ll be late.” Jared spends the rest of the morning uneasy, ignoring Sandy’s questions and Jensen’s raised eyebrows.
***
“Close the door,” says Rosenbaum, looking up from his book (Hunter Thompson today).
Jared does, taking a chair in front of the teacher’s desk and working himself back to calm. He’s come up with some good alibis in the last hour and a half, explanations of his whereabouts that put him far, far away from the food coloring in the water fountains. But none of his excuses are made for what Rosenbaum actually says.
“Padalecki, just tell me you’re not fucking your roommate.”
Jared feels all the color drain out of his face, feels his fantasies of holding hands with Jensen at GSA meetings slipping away. He has no idea how to reply. He’s always been a shitty liar anyway. “I…” he begins.
“You know there’s a reason we don’t have any coed dorms here,” Rosenbaum says soberly.
Jared thinks he’s probably got nothing left to lose. “So no one gets pregnant and their parents don’t sue?”
“Exactly. But girls getting knocked up is not the only thing that might make parents uneasy. Can you think of anything else? Do you think any of them want to know that their precious darlings are getting busy at this expensive institution, even if they know how to use a rubber?”
“Probably not.” And yeah, the word “rubber” definitely didn’t make Jared blush this much last week.
“No. Probably not,” agrees Rosenbaum. “So what does that tell you?”
Jared just looks at him. He doesn’t want to get this one wrong.
“Perhaps that you shouldn’t give your parents any way of finding out that you’re screwing someone this school saw fit for you to room with, and that means you shouldn’t give the school any reason to report it.” He pins Jared with a look, and Jared nods. “And if they have to ask you to switch rooms, they’re going to have to do just that. Are you getting this?”
“No,” Jared says honestly. “Mr. Rosenbaum, I don’t think I…”
Rosenbaum interrupts him. “Spend less time staring soulfully into Ackles’ eyes and we won’t have a problem. Right now, you haven’t told me anything, so I’m not going to say anything to the powers that be. Let’s keep it that way. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now, if you want to talk hypotheticals, I’m here for that. But I would keep the specifics out of it, in GSA too. They may look sweet, but those kids are a damn effective rumor mill when they put their minds to it. And if this gets back to the administration, they’re going to have to do something about it.”
“Uh-huh.” Jared doesn’t really like that he’s been reduced to one-word answers, but this is all so weird. Rosenbaum’s telling him he knows about him and Jensen, and that he’s going to pretend he doesn’t. “Why are you doing this for me?”
“We all know you kids can’t keep it in your pants, and if you’ve got a thing with someone you actually care about, that’s a hell of a lot better than the random shit your peers get into at parties. You’re a good kid, and I don’t want to encourage you to be anything else. Have candlelit dinners with your boyfriend. Just be discreet.”
“We’re not supposed to have candles in the dorm, sir.”
“Touché, Padalecki. Do you need a lecture on safer sex?”
Jared’s blush gets even deeper, and he looks down at his hands in his lap, remembering the feeling of Jensen around him, hot and slick. “No, I, uh, think I know how it works.”
“Good. Anything else?”
Jared considers. He’s got plenty of questions, but Rosenbaum’s still his teacher and he doesn’t think he can ask them. “No, sir.”
“All right then, get out of my sight. Don’t knock up any girls. And have a nice day.”
It’s abrupt, but that’s not totally unexpected. Rosenbaum raises his coffee cup in a toast as Jared makes his way to the door. “Thanks,” says Jared, but Rosenbaum doesn’t respond. He’s already back in his book.
***
“So I talked to Rosenbaum today,” Jared says that night after on-dorm, the first time they’ve been alone together all day. Jensen looks up sharply, setting his book down on the bed beside him.
“Yeah?”
Jared strips out of his shoes and his school shirt and lies down on his bed. “He says I need to stop staring soulfully at you if I don’t want everyone to know we’re fucking, since the school might frown upon me fucking my roommate.”
Jensen’s eyes go wide. “Shit,” he whispers, sharp as a gunshot.
“That’s basically what I said.”
“Is he going to… What’s he going to do?”
Jared shakes his head quick before Jensen actually hyperventilates or jumps out the window or something. “Nothing. That’s what’s weird. He basically told me he knew what was going on, and then told me he didn’t. I guess it must be a liability thing or something.”
Jensen’s quiet for a long time before he offers, “I could request to switch roommates.”
“But that wouldn’t…” Oh. Basically Jensen’s saying he’d give up getting laid for the sake of Jared’s coming-out dream. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“But you’re gonna stop staring soulfully at me so everyone can go back to thinking you’re straight?”
“I might even go to a lacrosse party and get a hand job from a girl I don’t know.”
“I bet that was not Rosenbaum’s suggestion.”
“Not exactly. He said it was probably good that I wasn’t just hooking up with girls at parties, that I was with someone I really cared about.”
“Yeah?” Jensen turns onto his side, his t-shirt riding up and showing off a line of pale skin at his waist.
Jared tosses his socks onto the floor and nods. “So, basically, I think he thinks this secret affair we’ve got going on isn’t a bad thing at all. And we can always get singles next year, and tell everybody then, no harm, no foul.”
“Next year,” Jensen echoes, like he’s mulling it over, and then he’s climbing into bed beside Jared, laying down on top of him and sliding his tongue into Jared’s mouth. Jensen bends his head to catch Jared’s bottom lip between his teeth, sucks at it before going for Jared’s tongue again. His hands catch and hold, one in Jared’s hair, one in the thin fabric of his undershirt, as he grinds down against Jared’s hardening dick.
“If I had any idea that was all I had to say,” Jared begins dazedly, when Jensen finally lets him have his mouth back. But then Jensen starts sucking on the side of his neck, and Jared gives up on talking and puts a hand on Jensen’s ass to keep him there.
“Wanna fuck me, Jay?” Jensen asks, rocking against him in a smooth, fluid rhythm. “Want me to ride you until you come so hard you pass out?”
“I have homework,” Jared says dumbly, but there’s no way that’s a no. Jensen’s pulling at the fly of Jared’s pants, straddling Jared’s thighs, and working his own sweats down and off until they’re hanging from the bedpost. He rubs his naked ass over Jared’s still clothed cock, and Jared thinks he might die from wanting this so much. “Jesus Christ, Jen,” he whispers, voice shot, and Jensen’s grin glints white in the glow of Jared’s desk lamp.
“Tell me, Jay,” Jensen says, low and dirty. “Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”
Jared’s hands span Jensen’s hips, and Jensen grinds down harder over Jared’s groin, knees spread wide. “Want you to ride me,” Jared tells him. “Want to watch you stroking yourself while my dick’s in you. Want to feel you come all around me.”
Jensen jumps off him, and for a second Jared thinks he’s offended, but then he realizes Jensen’s going for condoms and lube, and he pulls off his own clothes quickly. By the time Jensen comes back to straddle his lap again, Jared’s stroking his cock like there’s no tomorrow, urgently, desperately hard. Jensen grabs his wrist. “Don’t do it without me,” he hisses, and Jared knows an order when he hears one.
He watches Jensen’s push slick fingers into the shadows behind his balls, feels his thighs tremble as he strokes himself open, head dropping back to expose the long line of his neck. “So fucking gorgeous, Jen,” Jared says, stroking up his thigh, slipping one finger in beside two of Jensen’s own, making him gasp, but he’s loose enough to take it. A bit more lube and Jensen’s taking four fingers, two of Jared’s and two of his own, fucking himself down on them. Jensen wraps his free hand around Jared’s cock and milks it slow and slippery as he does, and the moment he twists up and off leaves Jared frozen, breathless.
“Ready?” Jensen asks, but he doesn’t wait for an answer, just sinks himself down over Jared’s cock and starts to ride it, slow rolling motions of his hips. And no condom, Jared realizes after a second. Nothing between them but sweat and lube, and it’s even hotter inside Jensen like this, even more perfect. Jensen’s eyes slip closed and he bites his lip, and Jared can’t imagine anything prettier than Jensen sitting on his cock, trying not to come. Jensen lifts himself up, and Jared watches the slow stretch of muscle in his thighs, the heavy bob of his dick against his stomach. He grabs for it, takes it in his hand, a firm grip that makes Jensen gasp. “So damn good, Jay,” Jensen says, warm and low, settling a hand on Jared’s belly as he fucks himself harder. “Want you to come inside me.”
Jared meets Jensen’s eyes, and even in the dark, they’re almost painfully hot, and it’s too much, all of a sudden. Jared’s balls draw up tight, and he squeezes Jensen’s thigh as he comes, so hard it’ll maybe be a bruise in the morning. “That’s it, baby,” Jensen tells him, slamming his hips down against Jared’s, and Jared strokes Jensen’s dick faster, bringing him off, slick white between their bodies.
Jensen climbs off him, wobbly legged, and Jared leans up on one elbow to watch him grab his pants. “Where are you going?” he asks.
Jensen twitches a smile at him and touches a hand to the curve of his ass. “Gonna go wash up.”
“Want help?”
“Think you’ve helped enough for right now,” he says, and winks at Jared before slipping out the door, towel in hand.
Jared takes a second to think about it, touches his dick, sticky, and follows anyway.
Jensen’s in the shower when Jared gets to the bathroom, and he jumps when the door opens, caught with his fingers up his ass, washing Jared’s come out. “Howdy, stranger,” says Jared, turning on the water and stepping under the shower next to his.
“Howdy yourself.” Their voices echo, and after that they’re both quiet, a minute of steam and spray against Jared’s skin, and he looks at Jensen out of the corner of his eye, taking in the swirl of his fingers against his stomach, over his crotch.
“Come back to bed,” Jensen says softly, shutting off his shower and moving to dry off.
“Coming,” says Jared, and when he gets back, Jensen’s lying in Jared’s bed, in spite of the wet spot, smiling.
“That an invitation, Ackles?”
Jensen opens his arms, and Jared snuggles into them, rubbing his nose against the side of Jensen’s neck as Jensen’s hands come to rest at his hips. They’re both still damp, and Jensen’s t-shirt still smells sweaty and musky from before, and Jared tilts his mouth up to whisper, “Why’d you do that?”
“Do what?” Jensen replies sleepily.
“Fuck me without a condom?”
“I wanted to know what it was like.”
“And what was it like?”
“Messy.” He figures Jensen’s going to sleep after that, but then he says, “I knew it was okay to do it with you. With anyone else, it wouldn’t be.”
“Why?” asks Jared.
“You know why,” Jensen tells him, and then kisses him to shut him up, soft and sweet with the lightest flicker of tongue. And Jared does know, so he curves a hand around the side of Jensen’s face and kisses back for all he’s worth. He swears he’ll wake up early tomorrow to do his history homework.
Part V