Oranges

[beckable]

What else, so bold, is plain in sight?
What has such citrus taste un-slight?
Which fruity entity, so round,
Pleases all victims it has found?
What juicy body, sharp and sweet,
Has appearance both plain and neat?
Why, oranges! Oranges, they are,
Fruit pleasing mouths near and afar.

Comments

[aglitterofseas]

I am confused by the use of victims. I'm really not getting why orange eaters are victims. I liked this line.
What juicy body, sharp and sweet,
One thing to consider, is that this is a motiff piece, and for a motiff piece to work well it needs to do one of two things (or both): describe the subject matter in some unexpected way or relate the subject matter back to the reader or humanity. Get the reader interested in oranges. I think some interesting or unusual imagery might do this.

[beckable]

This piece was meant to be "for fun." You may have been able to tell it is by far one of the, um, less impressive ones. I actually wrote it on a bus as a joke on the way to auditions for the All-State music festival.

"Victim" was a convenient word to use. It conveyed that oranges have power; they're vibrant little suckers. They are the masters of the mouths they inhabit temporarily.

Also, the point of the poem was primarily for it to be a riddle. Notice that clues are given throughout the whole piece. The identity of the mystery object isn't given until the last line (or 2nd to last? don't remember). Also, the poem begins with questions.

Again, thanks.

A riddle?

[aglitterofseas]

You give it away in the title. It is not constructed like a riddle.