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[beckycakes]

My life has been so up and down for the past month! I'm home for the moment but Wayne and I are taking some time apart, so I'll be staying in Orlando. I don't have internet access much there so I check about once a week. I feel in my soul that if I am patient enough to wait on Wayne to come around, we will be back together instead of separated

Comments

[beckycakes]

Thanks so much. What can I say, I have the forever real unconditional love for him. I'm so thankful for all the good times and believe we were made for each other so he will come around sooner or later!

[beckycakes]

No one could ever love him as much or never-ending as I do! He will see that in time!

[padabee]

I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have you... hang in there, honey!

[beckycakes]

I think he will realize how lucky he is but right now he just can't seem to forgive himself for putting me through this. He says its hard for him to look at me. I just try to show him I still want and love him more every second. The more positive I am with him, the more he responds lovingly back to me. No one will ever be able to take away my hope and love for him. I could never love anyone else, he's the one! No matter what he says or does to me, I can't stop loving him and believe me he has tried to be cruel enough to get me to leave him! Ya know what they say, kill em with kindness. hehe

[rosebud81]

I was wondering what was going on. I hope everything turns out okay. *hugs*

[beckycakes]

I figured everyone who regularly reads my journal was like where is she? I have a very strong feeling it will. I try my best not to worry because it doesn't help me at all and I have no real control over it. I just have to sit back and see what happens! *hugs*

[sarah_mascara]

I'm so glad to see such an optimistic post from you. =]

[beckycakes]

It isn't easy to keep up the positivity through all the pain, but when I was so low I couldn't live day to day. I have to be positive or I'll never make it. My struggles have really matured me! I have to think about the best for myself and Zeke. I've gained so much from such a horrible experience; I just don't want my anger and hurt to rule me!

[soulfire003]

I think it's great that you're getting better, or at least you seem to be. Do this for yourself though: DO NOT wait on Wayne. You'll be waiting forever for him, and in the end, you'll only hurt yourself and your son. I don't think he's coming back any time soon, and when he finally does, you'll hopefully have found a real man by then and can shove all this back in his face. Payback's a fucking bitch, and he deserves every bit of it for putting you and Zeke through this.

[beckycakes]

I am definitely taking a break for my own sanity and for my ability to take care of Zeke well. If we would break up, I have planned to live in Orlando and go to UCF. Either way, my life will be better because I'm thinking of what is best for me. I do love Wayne and would never be vindictive. I do feel an unconditional love for him and know that things will come back together. Sure people who hurt the ones they love deserve bad things to happen to them, but we all fuck up so we all deserve it. I just have a lot of forgiveness because I would want the same. I feel so much better about my life and myself in general.