Enjoy the Silence (TW, J/I, PG-13)
Title: Enjoy the Silence
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG-13, at most
Genre: …a bit of romance, h/c, angst with a happy ending
Warnings: None that I’m aware of
Beta: [info]noneinnyet
Summary: Ianto’s day goes from bad, to worse, to better
Word Count: 2390
Disclaimer: Umm, definitely not mine; lyrics belong to Depeche Mode
Author’s Notes: First off, much thanks to my beta, noneinnyet, for both the fantastic work and the short notice. Second, I’m still not sure how much this will really fulfill the request, but I hope it’s liked anyway, especially by veronicaluv
(This has already been posted at the tw_ficexchange, but wanted to add it here as well)
It was the end of a long day, and Ianto Jones wasn‘t sure he wanted to go home. Domestic issues were what had made the day so long.
Jack had moved in two weeks ago. While they both very much wanted him to be there, they were also slowly relearning how to live with another person. Ianto had lived alone since Lisa. For Jack, it had been even longer. Both of them were quickly learning that sharing a bed five nights out of every seven was vastly different than going home together every night.
The trouble that day had all started because of Gwen. Well, not Gwen specifically. The trouble had been brewing long before Gwen had opened her mouth but her words had brought the whole issue to the forefront, and the two men had finally been unable to avoid it any longer.
**Flashback**
It had been a close call for Ianto. The alien had come out of nowhere, and he’d been slammed pretty hard into the ground, his head hitting the pavement with a dull thud. To both Gwen and Jack’s horror, he didn’t get up. It was too much so soon after losing Tosh and Owen. Jack had lost it, unloading his Webley into the alien’s head, despite knowing that it would take a lot more than bullets to stop this particular alien. Luckily, Gwen had armed herself with Jack’s “massive weapon” and that did the trick. As soon as the threat was neutralized, both Gwen and Jack sprinted to Ianto’s side, where he was just starting to roll over, groaning in pain. Jack let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding since Ianto had hit the ground. Blood ran down the side of his face, but the fact that he was already sitting up reassured Jack somewhat.
An hour, and twelve stitches on Ianto’s forehead, later, Jack felt even more reassured. Other than a slight concussion, a deep cut, and some bruised ribs, Ianto would be fine. This time. But that didn’t change the fear that both Jack and Gwen had felt.
Lying on the couch in the Hub, Ianto had closed his eyes, trying to rest a bit until Jack was ready to head home for the evening. Jack had offered to take him home early but since the doctor had ordered that Ianto could not be left on his own , Ianto assured him that he could make it to the end of the day. Jack had insisted he rest and Ianto couldn’t muster up the energy to argue. He must have drifted off for awhile, because when he awoke, Gwen and Jack were talking only a few feet away and not in the quietest of tones. It was very obvious that he was their main topic of conversation.
“Jack, he needs to go home and rest!”
Jack sighed. “I know that Gwen, I told him that, but he insisted he could make it till the end of the day. I figured it’d be less tiring for both of us if I let him stay.”
“Jack, you need to take better care of him…” Gwen trailed off, realizing that Ianto was awake.
Ianto struggled to sit up, then took a second for the room to stop spinning before he spoke. “Gwen, I neither want nor need Jack to take care of me. I am fully capable of doing that myself. What happened today was unfortunate, but sometimes shit just happens, to all of us. And this isn’t the first concussion I’ve had. I know how to deal with it.”
“But Ianto, you and Jack are…well, you’re together, he should take care of you…” Gwen trailed off again, perhaps sensing that her line of thought would only anger Ianto.
Words weren’t necessary for Ianto to see where she was headed. “You mean, Jack needs to coddle me, to treat me like a child.”
“That’s not what I’m saying Ianto, I’m just saying that Jack’s stronger-” Gwen bit off abruptly this time, realizing this was completely the wrong track to be taking, especially when Ianto was already agitated.
“Oh, I see,” Ianto spat out sarcastically, “Jack’s more of a man than I am, and therefore, should treat me like the woman in this relationship, is that it Gwen?”
Having watched his lover and second-in-command argue, Jack final stepped in, hoping to stop the argument before it got even uglier. “Ianto, she didn’t mean-” Ianto cut him off with a motion of his hand.
“No Jack, I know exactly what she meant. It’s not like it’s the first time. Let’s face it, I must be the ‘wife’ in the relationship, right? I cook for you, I clean for you, I’m available whenever you need a fuck. What more could you want?” Ianto spat out the words.
“Ianto, you know that’s not how it is…”
“No Jack, maybe not, but that’s how it looks to everyone else. Even Gwen apparently.”
“Well, who cares what other people think? You twenty-first century humans and your stupid labels…”
Ianto shook his head and glared. “Oh don’t start with that Jack. That’s your point of view. Try looking at it from my point of view, just once in your life. It doesn’t matter how we view our relationship; to outsiders, I’m always the ‘woman’ of the two of us. If anyone ever makes a ‘wife’ joke, it’s never about you. And I’d like to say that it doesn’t bother me, that I don’t care what anyone thinks, but I can’t. Because I do care, and it does bother me. Even Gwen has taken to treating me like a girl with a cock, instead of a man. My position in Torchwood doesn’t do much to help, either. I may be out in the field with the two of you, but I’m still your maid as well. It’s still up to me to clean up, both scenes and the Hub. If it weren’t for me, we’d never eat or have coffee…and most of the time, that’s fine. That’s my job. But sometimes Jack, it gets old. Not only do I do it here, it seems to have become my job at home as well. And that’s….Just because you and I know that we’re equals in this relationship, Jack, doesn’t mean that others recognize or acknowledge it. And just because you refuse to be affected by ‘quaint twenty-first century labels’ doesn’t mean they don’t affect the rest of us.”
Jack just stared for a moment, wondering just how long Ianto had been holding all of that inside. “Ianto…you know…that’s not how it is. You know…”
“Don’t tell me what I know, Jack!” Ianto shouted. “To most people, I’m just a shag, and sometimes….sometimes, I’m not completely convinced their wrong.” As soon as the words were out, Ianto regretted them, but he couldn’t bring himself to take them back. He’d never been insecure about his masculinity before, but being with Jack, being with someone like Jack, and how that made the world look at him, Ianto couldn’t help but feel as if he was somehow…lacking.
For his part, Jack said nothing. He stared at Ianto for another long moment, before turning and exiting the Hub without a word. Gwen tried to call after him but was ignored.
Frustrated with himself, Ianto had turned and collapsed back onto the sofa, palms digging into his eyes. “Gwen, go finish the paperwork on today…then…can you give me a ride home?”
**End Flashback**
Gwen dropped Ianto off at the front of his flat. Despite her offer to walk up with him, Ianto had insisted he go alone. If Jack was there, they would need to have it out and twice in one day in front of Gwen was two times too many. If Jack wasn’t there…well, after his comment, Ianto wasn’t entirely sure he didn’t deserve to be alone for the night.
Letting himself in, Ianto was surprised not only to see Jack’s coat on the hook but also to smell something coming from the kitchen, something that probably coincided with the noises of pots and pans banging around.
“Jack?” Ianto called cautiously.
Jack stepped into the hall from the kitchen. “You’re home. Dinner is just about ready, if you want to go change. I should have it on the table by the time you’re ready.”
“Jack, we need to talk…”
“Eat first, I think we’ll both need the strength. Then yes, we need to talk.”
Nodding, Ianto made his way down the hall to the bedroom.
Ten minutes later, both men were at the table, spag-bol in front of each of them, as well as garlic bread and a glass of wine each. Tasting his food, Ianto was surprised.
“Jack, this isn’t from a can…you made this? This is what you’ve been doing all afternoon?”
Jack shook his head. “Not all afternoon. I walked around for awhile, pissed as hell at you. Then I had to go to the store and actually get everything for the meal. But then, yes, I made it.”
“I didn’t know you could cook, you never have before.” Ianto said quietly.
“I’ve gotten out of the habit of being a part of a whole, Ianto. It was never that I couldn’t cook, I just got out of the habit of doing it a long time ago. It was just always easier to order something since I always ate alone.”
Ianto nodded. “But if you were pissed at me, which I completely understand, why did you go to all the trouble?”
Jack sighed. He had hoped to do this after dinner, when they’d both had a bit more wine to drink. “Because, at least to an extent, you were right Ianto. Both here and at work you do all the ‘womanly’ chores. And while at work that may be your job, it’s not here. If this is going to be our home, if we’re truly going to be equal, we need to split things. I’ll probably never be able to clean and organize to your expectations, but I can cook, and there is no reason for me not to, no excuse for me to expect you to do it all the time.”
Ianto nodded, glad that Jack was willing to admit that things couldn’t continue as they had been. “Jack, about what I said…you know I didn’t mean it, right? I’d love to blame the meds, or the concussion, but that wouldn’t be fair. I was angry., I knew it would hurt you, and a small, bitter part of me wanted it to at that moment.”
Jack nodded and looked Ianto in the eyes, both able to see the pain the other was feeling. “I know. And it did hurt Ianto. I know…I know neither of us are particularly good at saying some of the things that need to be said, but you’re not just a shag to me and to hear you say that you believed it, even knowing you were doing it to hurt me…well, it did hurt. And I could tell by the look on your face that you regretted it as soon as you had said it, but I still needed that time, I still needed to be pissed at you.”
Ianto sighed and nodded. “I can understand that. After what I said…it’s the least I deserve for saying something with the specific intention of hurting you. And were the tables turned, I’m not sure I would have been able to look past it quite so quickly.”
Jack gave him a small smile. “A small bonus of immortality. You try not to waste time on petty arguments. Being with you Ianto, it won’t be forever…” Jack stopped, not wanting to get maudlin tonight.
Ianto was glad he’d stopped. Setting his wine glass on the table, Ianto pushed back his chair and held out his hand to his lover. “C’mon Jack, I think I have quite a bit of apologizing to do…the dishes can wait. I just want…I just want to go to bed.”
Jack smiled and stood, taking the other man’s hand. “Ianto Jones suggesting putting off cleaning for carnal pleasure? How can I resist?”
Much later, the two lay, finally sated for the time being. Jack had his head on Ianto’s chest. He wasn’t sure if the other man was sleeping but it didn’t really matter. A little reassurance that his lover was still alive, still with him, was all he really wanted. It had been a stressful day, starting with Ianto’s injury, with the reminder that his lover could leave him at any moment, followed by the reminder that death wasn’t the only thing that could take his lover from him.
Jack had never told Ianto he loved him, not in words anyway. The feelings had been obvious in looks and actions, and Ianto had never been so insecure that he needed constant assurance of his place in Jack’s heart. Jack too had assumed that Ianto knew his feelings; Ianto had never told him that he loved him, either, but Jack had known for quite awhile and his only doubts had been pretty early in the relationship. By the time they had dealt with the space whale, Jack had been sure of Ianto’s feelings. But just because neither had ever said it didn’t mean that they never would. They just never had, as the words had just never seemed necessary in their relationship.
Without lifting his head, Jack murmured “I love you.” His words were quiet, barely audible, even in the silent room. Jack wasn’t even sure Ianto had heard them. But it didn’t matter. That wasn’t why he had said them. He had said them for himself, because he simply couldn’t not say them. He might never say them again, but they would never be taken back or regretted.
For his part, Ianto did hear Jack’s words and simply smiled. They’d been unnecessary, his doubts had never been of Jack’s feelings. But, they were still nice to hear. He may never hear them again; he may never utter them himself. But in the end, that wouldn’t really matter. He knew he was loved without them. He knew that Jack knew his feelings without words. And that was what mattered. So for now, he’d simply enjoy the silence, and the feeling of Jack’s arms around him.
“All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm”
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG-13, at most
Genre: …a bit of romance, h/c, angst with a happy ending
Warnings: None that I’m aware of
Beta: [info]noneinnyet
Summary: Ianto’s day goes from bad, to worse, to better
Word Count: 2390
Disclaimer: Umm, definitely not mine; lyrics belong to Depeche Mode
Author’s Notes: First off, much thanks to my beta, noneinnyet, for both the fantastic work and the short notice. Second, I’m still not sure how much this will really fulfill the request, but I hope it’s liked anyway, especially by veronicaluv
(This has already been posted at the tw_ficexchange, but wanted to add it here as well)
It was the end of a long day, and Ianto Jones wasn‘t sure he wanted to go home. Domestic issues were what had made the day so long.
Jack had moved in two weeks ago. While they both very much wanted him to be there, they were also slowly relearning how to live with another person. Ianto had lived alone since Lisa. For Jack, it had been even longer. Both of them were quickly learning that sharing a bed five nights out of every seven was vastly different than going home together every night.
The trouble that day had all started because of Gwen. Well, not Gwen specifically. The trouble had been brewing long before Gwen had opened her mouth but her words had brought the whole issue to the forefront, and the two men had finally been unable to avoid it any longer.
**Flashback**
It had been a close call for Ianto. The alien had come out of nowhere, and he’d been slammed pretty hard into the ground, his head hitting the pavement with a dull thud. To both Gwen and Jack’s horror, he didn’t get up. It was too much so soon after losing Tosh and Owen. Jack had lost it, unloading his Webley into the alien’s head, despite knowing that it would take a lot more than bullets to stop this particular alien. Luckily, Gwen had armed herself with Jack’s “massive weapon” and that did the trick. As soon as the threat was neutralized, both Gwen and Jack sprinted to Ianto’s side, where he was just starting to roll over, groaning in pain. Jack let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding since Ianto had hit the ground. Blood ran down the side of his face, but the fact that he was already sitting up reassured Jack somewhat.
An hour, and twelve stitches on Ianto’s forehead, later, Jack felt even more reassured. Other than a slight concussion, a deep cut, and some bruised ribs, Ianto would be fine. This time. But that didn’t change the fear that both Jack and Gwen had felt.
Lying on the couch in the Hub, Ianto had closed his eyes, trying to rest a bit until Jack was ready to head home for the evening. Jack had offered to take him home early but since the doctor had ordered that Ianto could not be left on his own , Ianto assured him that he could make it to the end of the day. Jack had insisted he rest and Ianto couldn’t muster up the energy to argue. He must have drifted off for awhile, because when he awoke, Gwen and Jack were talking only a few feet away and not in the quietest of tones. It was very obvious that he was their main topic of conversation.
“Jack, he needs to go home and rest!”
Jack sighed. “I know that Gwen, I told him that, but he insisted he could make it till the end of the day. I figured it’d be less tiring for both of us if I let him stay.”
“Jack, you need to take better care of him…” Gwen trailed off, realizing that Ianto was awake.
Ianto struggled to sit up, then took a second for the room to stop spinning before he spoke. “Gwen, I neither want nor need Jack to take care of me. I am fully capable of doing that myself. What happened today was unfortunate, but sometimes shit just happens, to all of us. And this isn’t the first concussion I’ve had. I know how to deal with it.”
“But Ianto, you and Jack are…well, you’re together, he should take care of you…” Gwen trailed off again, perhaps sensing that her line of thought would only anger Ianto.
Words weren’t necessary for Ianto to see where she was headed. “You mean, Jack needs to coddle me, to treat me like a child.”
“That’s not what I’m saying Ianto, I’m just saying that Jack’s stronger-” Gwen bit off abruptly this time, realizing this was completely the wrong track to be taking, especially when Ianto was already agitated.
“Oh, I see,” Ianto spat out sarcastically, “Jack’s more of a man than I am, and therefore, should treat me like the woman in this relationship, is that it Gwen?”
Having watched his lover and second-in-command argue, Jack final stepped in, hoping to stop the argument before it got even uglier. “Ianto, she didn’t mean-” Ianto cut him off with a motion of his hand.
“No Jack, I know exactly what she meant. It’s not like it’s the first time. Let’s face it, I must be the ‘wife’ in the relationship, right? I cook for you, I clean for you, I’m available whenever you need a fuck. What more could you want?” Ianto spat out the words.
“Ianto, you know that’s not how it is…”
“No Jack, maybe not, but that’s how it looks to everyone else. Even Gwen apparently.”
“Well, who cares what other people think? You twenty-first century humans and your stupid labels…”
Ianto shook his head and glared. “Oh don’t start with that Jack. That’s your point of view. Try looking at it from my point of view, just once in your life. It doesn’t matter how we view our relationship; to outsiders, I’m always the ‘woman’ of the two of us. If anyone ever makes a ‘wife’ joke, it’s never about you. And I’d like to say that it doesn’t bother me, that I don’t care what anyone thinks, but I can’t. Because I do care, and it does bother me. Even Gwen has taken to treating me like a girl with a cock, instead of a man. My position in Torchwood doesn’t do much to help, either. I may be out in the field with the two of you, but I’m still your maid as well. It’s still up to me to clean up, both scenes and the Hub. If it weren’t for me, we’d never eat or have coffee…and most of the time, that’s fine. That’s my job. But sometimes Jack, it gets old. Not only do I do it here, it seems to have become my job at home as well. And that’s….Just because you and I know that we’re equals in this relationship, Jack, doesn’t mean that others recognize or acknowledge it. And just because you refuse to be affected by ‘quaint twenty-first century labels’ doesn’t mean they don’t affect the rest of us.”
Jack just stared for a moment, wondering just how long Ianto had been holding all of that inside. “Ianto…you know…that’s not how it is. You know…”
“Don’t tell me what I know, Jack!” Ianto shouted. “To most people, I’m just a shag, and sometimes….sometimes, I’m not completely convinced their wrong.” As soon as the words were out, Ianto regretted them, but he couldn’t bring himself to take them back. He’d never been insecure about his masculinity before, but being with Jack, being with someone like Jack, and how that made the world look at him, Ianto couldn’t help but feel as if he was somehow…lacking.
For his part, Jack said nothing. He stared at Ianto for another long moment, before turning and exiting the Hub without a word. Gwen tried to call after him but was ignored.
Frustrated with himself, Ianto had turned and collapsed back onto the sofa, palms digging into his eyes. “Gwen, go finish the paperwork on today…then…can you give me a ride home?”
**End Flashback**
Gwen dropped Ianto off at the front of his flat. Despite her offer to walk up with him, Ianto had insisted he go alone. If Jack was there, they would need to have it out and twice in one day in front of Gwen was two times too many. If Jack wasn’t there…well, after his comment, Ianto wasn’t entirely sure he didn’t deserve to be alone for the night.
Letting himself in, Ianto was surprised not only to see Jack’s coat on the hook but also to smell something coming from the kitchen, something that probably coincided with the noises of pots and pans banging around.
“Jack?” Ianto called cautiously.
Jack stepped into the hall from the kitchen. “You’re home. Dinner is just about ready, if you want to go change. I should have it on the table by the time you’re ready.”
“Jack, we need to talk…”
“Eat first, I think we’ll both need the strength. Then yes, we need to talk.”
Nodding, Ianto made his way down the hall to the bedroom.
Ten minutes later, both men were at the table, spag-bol in front of each of them, as well as garlic bread and a glass of wine each. Tasting his food, Ianto was surprised.
“Jack, this isn’t from a can…you made this? This is what you’ve been doing all afternoon?”
Jack shook his head. “Not all afternoon. I walked around for awhile, pissed as hell at you. Then I had to go to the store and actually get everything for the meal. But then, yes, I made it.”
“I didn’t know you could cook, you never have before.” Ianto said quietly.
“I’ve gotten out of the habit of being a part of a whole, Ianto. It was never that I couldn’t cook, I just got out of the habit of doing it a long time ago. It was just always easier to order something since I always ate alone.”
Ianto nodded. “But if you were pissed at me, which I completely understand, why did you go to all the trouble?”
Jack sighed. He had hoped to do this after dinner, when they’d both had a bit more wine to drink. “Because, at least to an extent, you were right Ianto. Both here and at work you do all the ‘womanly’ chores. And while at work that may be your job, it’s not here. If this is going to be our home, if we’re truly going to be equal, we need to split things. I’ll probably never be able to clean and organize to your expectations, but I can cook, and there is no reason for me not to, no excuse for me to expect you to do it all the time.”
Ianto nodded, glad that Jack was willing to admit that things couldn’t continue as they had been. “Jack, about what I said…you know I didn’t mean it, right? I’d love to blame the meds, or the concussion, but that wouldn’t be fair. I was angry., I knew it would hurt you, and a small, bitter part of me wanted it to at that moment.”
Jack nodded and looked Ianto in the eyes, both able to see the pain the other was feeling. “I know. And it did hurt Ianto. I know…I know neither of us are particularly good at saying some of the things that need to be said, but you’re not just a shag to me and to hear you say that you believed it, even knowing you were doing it to hurt me…well, it did hurt. And I could tell by the look on your face that you regretted it as soon as you had said it, but I still needed that time, I still needed to be pissed at you.”
Ianto sighed and nodded. “I can understand that. After what I said…it’s the least I deserve for saying something with the specific intention of hurting you. And were the tables turned, I’m not sure I would have been able to look past it quite so quickly.”
Jack gave him a small smile. “A small bonus of immortality. You try not to waste time on petty arguments. Being with you Ianto, it won’t be forever…” Jack stopped, not wanting to get maudlin tonight.
Ianto was glad he’d stopped. Setting his wine glass on the table, Ianto pushed back his chair and held out his hand to his lover. “C’mon Jack, I think I have quite a bit of apologizing to do…the dishes can wait. I just want…I just want to go to bed.”
Jack smiled and stood, taking the other man’s hand. “Ianto Jones suggesting putting off cleaning for carnal pleasure? How can I resist?”
Much later, the two lay, finally sated for the time being. Jack had his head on Ianto’s chest. He wasn’t sure if the other man was sleeping but it didn’t really matter. A little reassurance that his lover was still alive, still with him, was all he really wanted. It had been a stressful day, starting with Ianto’s injury, with the reminder that his lover could leave him at any moment, followed by the reminder that death wasn’t the only thing that could take his lover from him.
Jack had never told Ianto he loved him, not in words anyway. The feelings had been obvious in looks and actions, and Ianto had never been so insecure that he needed constant assurance of his place in Jack’s heart. Jack too had assumed that Ianto knew his feelings; Ianto had never told him that he loved him, either, but Jack had known for quite awhile and his only doubts had been pretty early in the relationship. By the time they had dealt with the space whale, Jack had been sure of Ianto’s feelings. But just because neither had ever said it didn’t mean that they never would. They just never had, as the words had just never seemed necessary in their relationship.
Without lifting his head, Jack murmured “I love you.” His words were quiet, barely audible, even in the silent room. Jack wasn’t even sure Ianto had heard them. But it didn’t matter. That wasn’t why he had said them. He had said them for himself, because he simply couldn’t not say them. He might never say them again, but they would never be taken back or regretted.
For his part, Ianto did hear Jack’s words and simply smiled. They’d been unnecessary, his doubts had never been of Jack’s feelings. But, they were still nice to hear. He may never hear them again; he may never utter them himself. But in the end, that wouldn’t really matter. He knew he was loved without them. He knew that Jack knew his feelings without words. And that was what mattered. So for now, he’d simply enjoy the silence, and the feeling of Jack’s arms around him.
“All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm”