Glee Fic: Anatomy Of A Glee Club (1/1)
Title: Anatomy Of A Glee Club
Characters: Ensemble
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 3x03
Summary: They’re all broken, you see.
-
He hasn’t slept in days.
There should be bags under his eyes, and he should feel exhausted, but all he feels is broken. He feels like a failure, useless, and his constant insomnia is just another reason he can’t focus. He started the year with a fresh mind, a clear head and a dream. Their dream. Now he stares at a potential disaster unfolding and can’t do anything about it.
He hates to see her in pain. She’s breaking at the seams, and he’s watching it from the outside, unable to help. He wants to help, he needs to fix her, to make her happy and loved and unbroken. He hates to see his kids falling apart. They all are, in their own way, and three weeks into the school year he already feels like everything is spiralling out of control, out of his grasp, and there is nothing, nothing he can do about it.
He fixes things. He fixes people, their mindset and makes everything right.
He can’t fix this one. And it’s breaking him in two.
-
She should feel happy.
Shouldn’t she? She got the part of her dreams, the role she was born to play. Maria, Maria, Maria, and she can’t think of a single reason why she shouldn’t be happy. She deserves this. She deserves this. It’s becoming a mantra, repeated over and over like a broken record and she smiles when congratulated, but it’s forced. It’s forced and she closes her eyes when she’s alone because she should be happy.
She hates that she is doubting herself. She has never, ever once doubted her talent, and her life and everything she ever stood for. She’s faced with her future, and it’s only a stone throw away and she is frightened. She had everything figured out, her dreams set high, and now, now with that dream up on show for the world to see, with it in her grasp, she has never been more terrified in all her life.
She smiles and it’s forced, but inside she’s breaking.
Because she’s never been more uncertain.
-
There is a big fat lie hanging above her head.
It’s obvious, to everyone, yet she keeps denying it. She’s plays dumb, and smiles, because that’s the only way. It’s the only people will keep seeing her as herself, not as the person she is and is terrified to become. People know, and yet the lie get’s bigger and bigger, and more extravagant and she can’t help but feel like the heaviest load is on her back. It is. Not just anyone can carry a lie that big.
This year was supposed to be different. She pictured it different, in her head during the summer. On the warm nights she laid on her bed, her legs tangled with hers and her lips swollen. Her heart full. That was how she wanted to live. She wanted to live with no regrets, no secrets. Loving.
Someone calls her out on it. She turns her head and forces that smile again.
She’ll just keep on lying.
-
He has no idea what he is doing.
Everyone has plans. Dreams. He has a few dreams of his own, deep down, but he doesn’t even know what he wants anymore. His mind is a cluster of college applications and reading material and everything that he has been trying so desperately to avoid. He avoids the conversation, the ‘f’ word, and changes the subject every time.
But in his head it’s all he thinks about.
He sometimes imagines what his life would be like, if he stayed here in Lima. Without her. There are days where he thinks he could do it and days where he thinks it would be okay to settle. But then there are days where the thought of losing her cripples him, and he realizes quickly that he has to make a choice.
Problem is, choices have consequences.
And he isn’t sure he’s ready to live with them.
-
She’s stronger now.
She tells herself that everyday, as she walks the corridors with her head held high. She doesn’t miss what she had. She doesn’t miss being walked all over, and not having all the solo’s (she’s getting them all now), and being treated like garbage. She’s better now, she’s appreciated now.
Yet, something’s missing.
She ignores it for awhile. She just needs time to adjust to her life without the club. She’s thinking about herself now, about her needs and about what she wants.
That sick feeling won’t go away.
Maybe thinking about herself is what got her here in the first place.
She’s keeping that one to herself. Because she’s not selfish.
-
Deciding to run for class president was an easy decision.
She has everything she needs. She’s totally going to win this, she’s tripled him in the votes and her flash mob totally got everyone on her side. She’s got the posters, and the badges, and more flash mobs up her sleeve. She’s got everyone’s vote in Glee Club (except for Maria and Officer Krupke).
Everything’s perfect.
Except she’s still living a lie too.
Sometimes she thinks it’s easier this way. There’s no stares, no whispers in the corridor. It’s easier for the both of them. Isn’t it?
She just wants to show the world that she loves that girl.
Is that too much to ask?
-
The first time he laid his eyes on her, he fell so deeply in love he couldn’t even stand it.
And then she was taken away, and he was happy, because he wanted what was best for her. He wanted his little girl to have the best in life, and yeah, he couldn’t give her that. He’s been struggling with that for a year, with his loss, and Quinn and he can’t fucking take what shit she’s pulling right now because it’s complete bullshit.
He can’t take it, because he’s scared that if he does, he’ll have his little girl back.
He can’t provide for her. She can’t provide for her. This life isn’t for her, and it would break his fucking heart to see her ever suffer at the hands of them or anyone. She deserves what’s best. He’s going to tell her she’s full of shit, and to leave it. She’s not hers anymore.
He tries to tell her three times. But he can’t.
He imagines his life with his little girl and he can’t.
He gives her the card, with a number scrawled on the bottom.
He’s a really good lawyer, apparently.
-
He’s happy.
He feels confident, and his mom makes him feel stronger everyday. He got the part, and he gets to dance, and sing, and be the artist he needs to be. He wants to be. He wants this life more than anything. More than grades, more than a 4.0 average. More than every part of his life put together.
His dad hasn’t spoken to him in three weeks.
The silence is echoing, and his heart races every time he passes him in the hallway. But nothing. He says nothing. He doesn’t break, because he’s stubborn, and because he thinks he’s doing the right thing. But he knows better. He knows that he’s disappointed, that he thinks he’s a failure and every part of him breaks because of that.
Rehearsals start in a week.
He’s going to make sure he didn’t sacrifice everything for this dream.
-
She’s broken.
She admits it only to herself at night, after the dinner at the kitchen table in which every night her mom stares at her, and then excuses herself after five minutes. She always hears her crying in the pantry in the kitchen as she walks past it, on the way to her room. Not once has she flinched.
Because she created this. She created this cell of a girl, the shadow of her former glory, and she is just another person who thinks this is all a façade. That this isn’t who she really is. But the truth is, she doesn’t even know who she is anymore.
She can’t feel a thing.
She turns over the card, and she twists it through her fingers.
She dials.
-
He just wishes that everything didn’t have to be so messed up.
In a week he’d lost his best friend, his dream role and his dignity, all of which were a hovering dust cloud in the wake of a flash mob. He had high hopes for this year, that things would be different. He’s graduating at the end of this year, and yeah, he pictured his life a certain way at the end of it. He pictured himself in New York. In college. Becoming the best possible performer he could be.
He isn’t sure that dream exists anymore.
He’s down in the polls, and he rolls his eyes when his boyfriend tells him not to worry. He hates himself for doing that. He hates himself for becoming this petty person who has become vindictive in achieving his dreams.
Her face in the hallways is kind of breaking his heart.
She’s not his problem anymore.
-
He is Tony.
He can’t even count the amount of times he has been told this the past week. He is Tony. But is he? Right now, right now he feels like the guy who stole his boyfriend’s dream, his part, and all for a chance in the spotlight. He isn’t as ambitious and him. He doesn’t want to tread on anyone’s feet, or ruin anybody’s chances at fame. Let alone the person he loves.
The truth is, he’s happy.
And that makes him feel like the worlds biggest dick.
Because he looks at him, and sees him smile, but he knows that inside he’s really breaking. He did that. He did that.
He doesn’t say anything.
What’s to say?
-
Junior, Senior.
Junior, Senior.
She hates those words, with a fiery passion. She hates what they mean, and what is going to come of them. She hates the fact that he’s leaving, and she’s staying here, and she is scared out of her wits that this might be the end.
Sometimes, sometimes she thinks she’s more invested in this relationship than he is.
She has aspirations. Larger than life aspirations, like everyone else. But her main aspiration? Him. She can’t think of her life without him in it, and she doesn’t want to think of her life without him in it. So Junior, Senior? Just words.
She tells herself this every day, because if she thinks about it too much, her throat swells and her eyes glisten.
She can’t lose him.
-
He misses everything about her.
And yeah, he stuffed it up. It’s all his fault. Never mind the fact that she was cheating on him for God knows how long with her best friend. He knows about the two of them, maybe he’s known all along, but he ignored it. He’s really good at ignorance.
He shouldn’t want her, because she ruined it. She broke his heart, and then he broke hers, so it should be done. He wants it to be done. He wants to forget all about her.
The truth is, he just doesn’t want to be alone.
He wants to know why he can’t be good enough.
-
It’s a fact. They’re all broken, you see.
Characters: Ensemble
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 3x03
Summary: They’re all broken, you see.
-
He hasn’t slept in days.
There should be bags under his eyes, and he should feel exhausted, but all he feels is broken. He feels like a failure, useless, and his constant insomnia is just another reason he can’t focus. He started the year with a fresh mind, a clear head and a dream. Their dream. Now he stares at a potential disaster unfolding and can’t do anything about it.
He hates to see her in pain. She’s breaking at the seams, and he’s watching it from the outside, unable to help. He wants to help, he needs to fix her, to make her happy and loved and unbroken. He hates to see his kids falling apart. They all are, in their own way, and three weeks into the school year he already feels like everything is spiralling out of control, out of his grasp, and there is nothing, nothing he can do about it.
He fixes things. He fixes people, their mindset and makes everything right.
He can’t fix this one. And it’s breaking him in two.
-
She should feel happy.
Shouldn’t she? She got the part of her dreams, the role she was born to play. Maria, Maria, Maria, and she can’t think of a single reason why she shouldn’t be happy. She deserves this. She deserves this. It’s becoming a mantra, repeated over and over like a broken record and she smiles when congratulated, but it’s forced. It’s forced and she closes her eyes when she’s alone because she should be happy.
She hates that she is doubting herself. She has never, ever once doubted her talent, and her life and everything she ever stood for. She’s faced with her future, and it’s only a stone throw away and she is frightened. She had everything figured out, her dreams set high, and now, now with that dream up on show for the world to see, with it in her grasp, she has never been more terrified in all her life.
She smiles and it’s forced, but inside she’s breaking.
Because she’s never been more uncertain.
-
There is a big fat lie hanging above her head.
It’s obvious, to everyone, yet she keeps denying it. She’s plays dumb, and smiles, because that’s the only way. It’s the only people will keep seeing her as herself, not as the person she is and is terrified to become. People know, and yet the lie get’s bigger and bigger, and more extravagant and she can’t help but feel like the heaviest load is on her back. It is. Not just anyone can carry a lie that big.
This year was supposed to be different. She pictured it different, in her head during the summer. On the warm nights she laid on her bed, her legs tangled with hers and her lips swollen. Her heart full. That was how she wanted to live. She wanted to live with no regrets, no secrets. Loving.
Someone calls her out on it. She turns her head and forces that smile again.
She’ll just keep on lying.
-
He has no idea what he is doing.
Everyone has plans. Dreams. He has a few dreams of his own, deep down, but he doesn’t even know what he wants anymore. His mind is a cluster of college applications and reading material and everything that he has been trying so desperately to avoid. He avoids the conversation, the ‘f’ word, and changes the subject every time.
But in his head it’s all he thinks about.
He sometimes imagines what his life would be like, if he stayed here in Lima. Without her. There are days where he thinks he could do it and days where he thinks it would be okay to settle. But then there are days where the thought of losing her cripples him, and he realizes quickly that he has to make a choice.
Problem is, choices have consequences.
And he isn’t sure he’s ready to live with them.
-
She’s stronger now.
She tells herself that everyday, as she walks the corridors with her head held high. She doesn’t miss what she had. She doesn’t miss being walked all over, and not having all the solo’s (she’s getting them all now), and being treated like garbage. She’s better now, she’s appreciated now.
Yet, something’s missing.
She ignores it for awhile. She just needs time to adjust to her life without the club. She’s thinking about herself now, about her needs and about what she wants.
That sick feeling won’t go away.
Maybe thinking about herself is what got her here in the first place.
She’s keeping that one to herself. Because she’s not selfish.
-
Deciding to run for class president was an easy decision.
She has everything she needs. She’s totally going to win this, she’s tripled him in the votes and her flash mob totally got everyone on her side. She’s got the posters, and the badges, and more flash mobs up her sleeve. She’s got everyone’s vote in Glee Club (except for Maria and Officer Krupke).
Everything’s perfect.
Except she’s still living a lie too.
Sometimes she thinks it’s easier this way. There’s no stares, no whispers in the corridor. It’s easier for the both of them. Isn’t it?
She just wants to show the world that she loves that girl.
Is that too much to ask?
-
The first time he laid his eyes on her, he fell so deeply in love he couldn’t even stand it.
And then she was taken away, and he was happy, because he wanted what was best for her. He wanted his little girl to have the best in life, and yeah, he couldn’t give her that. He’s been struggling with that for a year, with his loss, and Quinn and he can’t fucking take what shit she’s pulling right now because it’s complete bullshit.
He can’t take it, because he’s scared that if he does, he’ll have his little girl back.
He can’t provide for her. She can’t provide for her. This life isn’t for her, and it would break his fucking heart to see her ever suffer at the hands of them or anyone. She deserves what’s best. He’s going to tell her she’s full of shit, and to leave it. She’s not hers anymore.
He tries to tell her three times. But he can’t.
He imagines his life with his little girl and he can’t.
He gives her the card, with a number scrawled on the bottom.
He’s a really good lawyer, apparently.
-
He’s happy.
He feels confident, and his mom makes him feel stronger everyday. He got the part, and he gets to dance, and sing, and be the artist he needs to be. He wants to be. He wants this life more than anything. More than grades, more than a 4.0 average. More than every part of his life put together.
His dad hasn’t spoken to him in three weeks.
The silence is echoing, and his heart races every time he passes him in the hallway. But nothing. He says nothing. He doesn’t break, because he’s stubborn, and because he thinks he’s doing the right thing. But he knows better. He knows that he’s disappointed, that he thinks he’s a failure and every part of him breaks because of that.
Rehearsals start in a week.
He’s going to make sure he didn’t sacrifice everything for this dream.
-
She’s broken.
She admits it only to herself at night, after the dinner at the kitchen table in which every night her mom stares at her, and then excuses herself after five minutes. She always hears her crying in the pantry in the kitchen as she walks past it, on the way to her room. Not once has she flinched.
Because she created this. She created this cell of a girl, the shadow of her former glory, and she is just another person who thinks this is all a façade. That this isn’t who she really is. But the truth is, she doesn’t even know who she is anymore.
She can’t feel a thing.
She turns over the card, and she twists it through her fingers.
She dials.
-
He just wishes that everything didn’t have to be so messed up.
In a week he’d lost his best friend, his dream role and his dignity, all of which were a hovering dust cloud in the wake of a flash mob. He had high hopes for this year, that things would be different. He’s graduating at the end of this year, and yeah, he pictured his life a certain way at the end of it. He pictured himself in New York. In college. Becoming the best possible performer he could be.
He isn’t sure that dream exists anymore.
He’s down in the polls, and he rolls his eyes when his boyfriend tells him not to worry. He hates himself for doing that. He hates himself for becoming this petty person who has become vindictive in achieving his dreams.
Her face in the hallways is kind of breaking his heart.
She’s not his problem anymore.
-
He is Tony.
He can’t even count the amount of times he has been told this the past week. He is Tony. But is he? Right now, right now he feels like the guy who stole his boyfriend’s dream, his part, and all for a chance in the spotlight. He isn’t as ambitious and him. He doesn’t want to tread on anyone’s feet, or ruin anybody’s chances at fame. Let alone the person he loves.
The truth is, he’s happy.
And that makes him feel like the worlds biggest dick.
Because he looks at him, and sees him smile, but he knows that inside he’s really breaking. He did that. He did that.
He doesn’t say anything.
What’s to say?
-
Junior, Senior.
Junior, Senior.
She hates those words, with a fiery passion. She hates what they mean, and what is going to come of them. She hates the fact that he’s leaving, and she’s staying here, and she is scared out of her wits that this might be the end.
Sometimes, sometimes she thinks she’s more invested in this relationship than he is.
She has aspirations. Larger than life aspirations, like everyone else. But her main aspiration? Him. She can’t think of her life without him in it, and she doesn’t want to think of her life without him in it. So Junior, Senior? Just words.
She tells herself this every day, because if she thinks about it too much, her throat swells and her eyes glisten.
She can’t lose him.
-
He misses everything about her.
And yeah, he stuffed it up. It’s all his fault. Never mind the fact that she was cheating on him for God knows how long with her best friend. He knows about the two of them, maybe he’s known all along, but he ignored it. He’s really good at ignorance.
He shouldn’t want her, because she ruined it. She broke his heart, and then he broke hers, so it should be done. He wants it to be done. He wants to forget all about her.
The truth is, he just doesn’t want to be alone.
He wants to know why he can’t be good enough.
-
It’s a fact. They’re all broken, you see.