I can't get out

[beezlefishy]

I feel angry all the time. I take it out of the people around me. I feel like I have to have on a happy face all the time and pretend I'm not a suicidal freak inside. I work all the time. When I'm not at the restaurant, I'm in the garden, when I'm not in the garden, I'm cleaning my room, or organizing something because someone else wants me to.

Comments

[i_am_voice]

you need to take a break.

i endorse trowing things at the wall. apples work well. are you seeing a therapist to figure out what your anger's about?

write, exercise...

you don't need to quit life to get out of this situation.

[beezlefishy]

No one will let me take a break. That's what it is. I work every day, at different times, my schedule is run by other people, an everyone keeps telling me how important it is that I'm working this summer, and how great my jobs are. I just want to scream. I o have good jobs, I'm sick of everyone being so patronizing about it. I don't go out socially anymore, because I have to go to work every day and put on my "happy happy everything is fine" face. After a few hours, I just can't keep it up anymore.

[beezlefishy]

An everything I do makes me feel like a terrible, horrible person.

[i_am_voice]

you NEED to take a break. why not tell them you feel patronized? quit one of your jobs, at least temporarily? is there a reason you have to squeeze all this work into such little time?
what happens if you drop the "everything is fine" face? i got to do that when i was hospitalized and it was so relieving. it's a lot of tiring effort to keep up a front.