One Flew Over the SBPD, Psych FanFic
Master Fic List
TITLE: One Flew Over the SBPD
RATING: PG-13ish (for a foul-mouthed parrot)
CHARACTERS: Shawn/Carlton (though it’s mostly just implied)
WORD COUNT: 960ish
WARNINGS: As previously mentioned, a foul-mouthed parrot. (Seriously; he drops the f-bomb)
SUMMARY: For psychflashfic’s Challenge # 4: Birds. Shawn's surprised to find Carlton has made a new friend.
AO3 Link
Disclaimer: All I own is debt. I definitely don’t own these characters.
Author’s Note: I tried to keep this Gen., honest! But once I got Shawn and Carlton together…
Barnaby is based loosely on two of my family's parrots: One for its propensity to only pick up the bad words we happen to let slip around it and the other for being green and liking peanuts.
Un-betaed and written under the influence of cold medication.
-----------------------------
It was seven o’clock and Shawn was tired of waiting around the Psych office for something entertaining to happen. He decided he might as well head down to the station. After all, he never turned down the opportunity to annoy Carlton in his natural habitat.
The station was mostly empty when Shawn walked in. Crime may work 24/7, but most of the detectives went home at five. Shawn nodded to the unlucky officer working the evening shift at the reception desk and moved on toward his target.
Shawn froze midway across the bullpen. It took a lot to truly surprise Shawn. Finding the Head Detective of the Santa Barbara Police Department working at his desk even after most sane people had gone home would never surprise him. Throw in a brightly colored parrot perched on said detective’s right shoulder and Shawn’s jaw would most definitely drop.
Shawn, abhorring the theory that curiosity committed feline homicide, strode forward once again, determined to hear why Carlton was (apparently willingly) playing the role of a bird perch.
“Hey Lassie,” Shawn greeted cautiously, his eyes glued on the green-feathered creature that’d begun fidgeting as soon as Shawn neared the desk. Carlton barely glanced up from his computer screen.
“Spencer,” he grunted in acknowledgement. Shawn glanced over his shoulder to see Detective Horton on the phone a few desks away. He looked back at Carlton as the parrot began to shuffle on his shoulder.
“Uh…who’s your friend?”
“Huh?” Carlton’s eyes were still on his monitor.
“You have a parrot on your shoulder, Captain Carlsbeard.” Carlton’s gaze snapped up at that. He glared at Shawn for a moment before he glanced at the parrot and eventually sent his focus back to his computer.
“His owner was found dead in his apartment earlier today,” Carlton said. The parrot squawked and Carlton sighed, muttering something under his breath.
“What was that, Lassie?” Shawn prodded, taking a step closer. Carlton rolled his eyes and looked between the parrot and Shawn.
“I said, ‘the damn thing’s attached.’ He latched onto me as soon as I arrived on scene. He won’t let anyone else take him, there was no next of kin and Animal Control’s still bitter about that case with the sea-monkeys.” Shawn bit his lip to keep from guffawing (it was also helpful to remember the other man carried a firearm).
“To be fair to Buzz, a lot of people have trouble trying to figure out whether you’re being sarcastic or not,” Shawn pointed out. Carlton glared at him.
“The Chief says I’m stuck with him until AC sorts out some bogus paperwork fiasco.”
“Bullshit,” the parrot squawked with a shake of its head. Shawn raised an eyebrow and Carlton sighed again.
“Barnaby has a vast vocabulary any sailor would be proud of.” Shawn resisted the urge to make another pirate joke. Carlton winced as the parrot nipped at his earlobe.
“That’s a sign of affection,” Shawn said with a grin.
“He bit me!”
“He nibbled! Quite frankly I can’t blame him. Those lobes are delicious!” Carlton’s raised eyebrow made Shawn roll his eyes. “That beak can draw blood if he wants it to. Trust me, Lassie. I spent three weeks working at an exotic pets store in Minnesota. That was a love bite.” Carlton groaned, lifting his left hand to rub at the bridge of his nose.
“Son of a bitch,” the parrot spat out.
“Speaking through the parrot now, Detective?”
“Spencer, I swear to god…”
“Up yours!” Barnaby threw in. Shawn reached into his pocket and pulled out the bag of peanuts he’d been slowly eating all day. Barnaby squawked and accepted the legume Shawn held out for him. Carlton stared as the parrot worked at shredding the shell…all over his shoulder.
“Great, Spencer. Like my jacket wasn’t already a mess,” he grumbled in exasperation. Shawn thought it wise to keep it to himself the only reason he’d handed over the peanut was because he’d already spotted the stains on Carlton’s lapel and knew the garment was a lost cause.
“At least you’re going to have a new story for your dry cleaner. That glue story has got to be getting old…” Shawn suggested. Shawn had no doubt Carlton was envisioning new methods of torture with the look he was giving Shawn.
“Dammit,” Barnaby piped up. Shawn looked at the parrot to see he’d finished his treat. The bird tilted its head and looked up at Shawn expectantly. With a sigh, Shawn walked around the desk and nudged his way between Carlton’s chair and the desktop.
“Shawn! What are you doing!?” Carlton hissed, his face going a deep shade of red as Shawn leaned in close. Shawn turned his head enough to nip lightly at Carlton’s earlobe.
“Relax, Carly,” he whispered. He stood carefully, wincing briefly as claws dug into his shoulder for balance.
Carlton blinked up at him in surprise for a moment before he turned his head to look at his suddenly bird-free shoulder.
“You about done?” Shawn asked as he casually reached up to hand another peanut to the parrot now on his shoulder. Carlton looked confused, but managed to nod.
“Good. Barnaby and I will see you at home, then. Right, Barnes?”
“Fuck off!” the parrot responded, almost happily. Shawn grinned.
“This is totally more awesome than the puppy I was going to tell you had followed me home!” Shawn exclaimed. Carlton’s mouth dropping open was a sight Shawn would happily hold in his memory. “Grab some Chinese on your way home. We can all split the cashew chicken!” Shawn turned away quickly before the Head Detective could stop him.
Shawn didn’t think animals could be legitimately charged with taunting police officers, but he was nevertheless grateful Barnaby waited until they were in the parking lot before he cackled, “Later bitches!”
/end
TITLE: One Flew Over the SBPD
RATING: PG-13ish (for a foul-mouthed parrot)
CHARACTERS: Shawn/Carlton (though it’s mostly just implied)
WORD COUNT: 960ish
WARNINGS: As previously mentioned, a foul-mouthed parrot. (Seriously; he drops the f-bomb)
SUMMARY: For psychflashfic’s Challenge # 4: Birds. Shawn's surprised to find Carlton has made a new friend.
AO3 Link
Disclaimer: All I own is debt. I definitely don’t own these characters.
Author’s Note: I tried to keep this Gen., honest! But once I got Shawn and Carlton together…
Barnaby is based loosely on two of my family's parrots: One for its propensity to only pick up the bad words we happen to let slip around it and the other for being green and liking peanuts.
Un-betaed and written under the influence of cold medication.
-----------------------------
It was seven o’clock and Shawn was tired of waiting around the Psych office for something entertaining to happen. He decided he might as well head down to the station. After all, he never turned down the opportunity to annoy Carlton in his natural habitat.
The station was mostly empty when Shawn walked in. Crime may work 24/7, but most of the detectives went home at five. Shawn nodded to the unlucky officer working the evening shift at the reception desk and moved on toward his target.
Shawn froze midway across the bullpen. It took a lot to truly surprise Shawn. Finding the Head Detective of the Santa Barbara Police Department working at his desk even after most sane people had gone home would never surprise him. Throw in a brightly colored parrot perched on said detective’s right shoulder and Shawn’s jaw would most definitely drop.
Shawn, abhorring the theory that curiosity committed feline homicide, strode forward once again, determined to hear why Carlton was (apparently willingly) playing the role of a bird perch.
“Hey Lassie,” Shawn greeted cautiously, his eyes glued on the green-feathered creature that’d begun fidgeting as soon as Shawn neared the desk. Carlton barely glanced up from his computer screen.
“Spencer,” he grunted in acknowledgement. Shawn glanced over his shoulder to see Detective Horton on the phone a few desks away. He looked back at Carlton as the parrot began to shuffle on his shoulder.
“Uh…who’s your friend?”
“Huh?” Carlton’s eyes were still on his monitor.
“You have a parrot on your shoulder, Captain Carlsbeard.” Carlton’s gaze snapped up at that. He glared at Shawn for a moment before he glanced at the parrot and eventually sent his focus back to his computer.
“His owner was found dead in his apartment earlier today,” Carlton said. The parrot squawked and Carlton sighed, muttering something under his breath.
“What was that, Lassie?” Shawn prodded, taking a step closer. Carlton rolled his eyes and looked between the parrot and Shawn.
“I said, ‘the damn thing’s attached.’ He latched onto me as soon as I arrived on scene. He won’t let anyone else take him, there was no next of kin and Animal Control’s still bitter about that case with the sea-monkeys.” Shawn bit his lip to keep from guffawing (it was also helpful to remember the other man carried a firearm).
“To be fair to Buzz, a lot of people have trouble trying to figure out whether you’re being sarcastic or not,” Shawn pointed out. Carlton glared at him.
“The Chief says I’m stuck with him until AC sorts out some bogus paperwork fiasco.”
“Bullshit,” the parrot squawked with a shake of its head. Shawn raised an eyebrow and Carlton sighed again.
“Barnaby has a vast vocabulary any sailor would be proud of.” Shawn resisted the urge to make another pirate joke. Carlton winced as the parrot nipped at his earlobe.
“That’s a sign of affection,” Shawn said with a grin.
“He bit me!”
“He nibbled! Quite frankly I can’t blame him. Those lobes are delicious!” Carlton’s raised eyebrow made Shawn roll his eyes. “That beak can draw blood if he wants it to. Trust me, Lassie. I spent three weeks working at an exotic pets store in Minnesota. That was a love bite.” Carlton groaned, lifting his left hand to rub at the bridge of his nose.
“Son of a bitch,” the parrot spat out.
“Speaking through the parrot now, Detective?”
“Spencer, I swear to god…”
“Up yours!” Barnaby threw in. Shawn reached into his pocket and pulled out the bag of peanuts he’d been slowly eating all day. Barnaby squawked and accepted the legume Shawn held out for him. Carlton stared as the parrot worked at shredding the shell…all over his shoulder.
“Great, Spencer. Like my jacket wasn’t already a mess,” he grumbled in exasperation. Shawn thought it wise to keep it to himself the only reason he’d handed over the peanut was because he’d already spotted the stains on Carlton’s lapel and knew the garment was a lost cause.
“At least you’re going to have a new story for your dry cleaner. That glue story has got to be getting old…” Shawn suggested. Shawn had no doubt Carlton was envisioning new methods of torture with the look he was giving Shawn.
“Dammit,” Barnaby piped up. Shawn looked at the parrot to see he’d finished his treat. The bird tilted its head and looked up at Shawn expectantly. With a sigh, Shawn walked around the desk and nudged his way between Carlton’s chair and the desktop.
“Shawn! What are you doing!?” Carlton hissed, his face going a deep shade of red as Shawn leaned in close. Shawn turned his head enough to nip lightly at Carlton’s earlobe.
“Relax, Carly,” he whispered. He stood carefully, wincing briefly as claws dug into his shoulder for balance.
Carlton blinked up at him in surprise for a moment before he turned his head to look at his suddenly bird-free shoulder.
“You about done?” Shawn asked as he casually reached up to hand another peanut to the parrot now on his shoulder. Carlton looked confused, but managed to nod.
“Good. Barnaby and I will see you at home, then. Right, Barnes?”
“Fuck off!” the parrot responded, almost happily. Shawn grinned.
“This is totally more awesome than the puppy I was going to tell you had followed me home!” Shawn exclaimed. Carlton’s mouth dropping open was a sight Shawn would happily hold in his memory. “Grab some Chinese on your way home. We can all split the cashew chicken!” Shawn turned away quickly before the Head Detective could stop him.
Shawn didn’t think animals could be legitimately charged with taunting police officers, but he was nevertheless grateful Barnaby waited until they were in the parking lot before he cackled, “Later bitches!”
/end