OMGOMGLOOKLOOKLOOK>>>>>I"SGETTIN"MONIES!!1111!!! (a commentary)
FROM THE DESK OF
Mr Johnson Patrick
Director of Foreign Payment
Operation/delivery Unit. C B N
TELE: +234-8038970419
So far, everything appears to be fairly legit, if you don't mind the occasional capitalization error. Or the complete lack of city/state/country in the address. Besides, he might have been in a hurry, and just forgot to write it down. Good thing phone numbers can be Googled; looks like this one will let me talk to someone in Nigeria. Isn't that near the Canadian border?
DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY PAYMENT
Cool. I have been looking for something that would allow me to earn a few bucks from home, and be very low stress. Looks like posing as a foreign offcial and flaunting my inability to be prosecuted for any criminal acts in which I might be a participant just might be what I am looking for!!
ATTN: Sir /Madam,
How very open-minded of him to not make the assumption that I identify with one gender over another.
I am Mr Johnson Patrick The Director of Foreign Payment Operation/delivery Unit C B N. I decided to contact you because of the prevailing security report reaching my office and the intense nature of polity in Nigeria.
Uh-oh. Looks like someone might need to conduct a staff performance review: I see errors in capitalization, punctuation, along with awkward phrasing; overall, it appears that Grammar is not very well treated by his office. However, I am quite tickled to be considered a "go to guy" when it comes to providing foreign governments assistance with, what appear to be, vital matters of national security. I guess that degree from The Online Degree University of Miscellaneous Degrees (Any Undergraduate Degree, only $99.99; Graduate Degrees only $10.00 more! Ask about our PhD Special!!) would come in handy. Also, I would like to include points for creativity regarding the creation of an entirely new word; however, per dictionary.com, polity is a legitimate noun meaning "A judicial and executive system, for the government of a city, town, or district, for the preservation of rights, order, cleanliness, health, etc., and for the enforcement of the laws and prevention of crime; the administration of the laws and regulations of a city, incorporated town, or borough." It is interesting that the word police appears to be derivative of polity. (Given the nature of this email, excuse me while I take a moment to compose myself)
This is to inform you about our plan to send your fund to you via cash Delivery, this system will be easier for you and for us. We are going to send your contract part payment of US$15.3. Million to you via Diplomatic courier service.
AWRIGHT! Have spent less than five minutes in my new position (hell, haven't even declared my intention to accept said position), and I'm already getting paid US$15.3.Million!!! Of course, given the recent fluctuation in the value of the US Dollar, I may be only getting $7.64 and a coupon for a free DQ Blast. But, hey, a free DQ Blast!! Also, it appears that a period, awkwardly posing as a decimal, will be attempting to emigrate.
I have secured every needed document to cover the money. Note: The Money is coming on 2 security proof boxes, the boxes are sealed with Synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine. I will use my position to release this fund to You.The boxes are coming
with a Diplomatic agent who will accompany the Boxes to your house address.
Whoa. Mr. Patrick's staff is on the ball, having already gathered all the vital information needed to launder courier funds internationally to someone they have just contacted regarding the transferring of those funds. It also appears that Mr. Patrick's staff has escalated to full out persecution of the Grammar population. However, machine (A system or device, such as a computer, that performs or assists in the performance of a human task), however clumsily, is used correctly.
Redundant Brand Synthetic Nylon would like to take this time to thank Nigeria for accepting their bid on providing for all of the government's Synthetic Nylon Sealing needs.
All you need to do now I to send to me:
Damn. And here I thought I would be getting my money for nothing. Yet, oddly enough, I am still able to get my drinks for free.
1. Your full house address
2. Your identity such as, international passport or driver's license
3. Your contact phone numbers,
Oh, okay, good; nothing that actually requires me to move more than four feet in any direction. I do find it odd, though, that Mr. Patrick and his staff are not already in possession of some of this information, given that they consider me the "go to guy" for this sort of thing.
The Diplomatic attached will travel with this required information's For the delivery of your fund. He will call you immediately he arrives Your country's airport. I hope you understand me.
The AP is now reporting that Mr. Patrick's staff has now issued a very strict curfew for the Grammar population, and any violators will be "shot on site" . In other world news, stricter border controls have reduced my country to using only one point of entry for all international visitors.
As for understanding Mr. Patrick, I do. More than he will ever realize. ;-)
I will let you know when these consignments will be lifted, and Note: The diplomatic does not know the original contents of the boxes.
Lifted sounds as if the funds will be accumulated via a collection of lost wallets, found jewelry, and misparked automobiles. (Again, due to the nature of this email, allow another moment for self composure.)
Meanwhile, the Diplomatic Courier does not know that they have replaced his regular courier bag with one of flaming dog poo. Let's watch his reaction.
What declared to them as the contents is Sensitive Photographic Film Material. I did not declare money to them please. If they call you and Ask you the contents please tell them the same thing ok.
It now appears that there will need to be foreign aid, and possibly an airlift, to prevent further persecution of grammar. The borders are already overwhelmed with refugees, resulting in what amounts to the wholesale pidgining of neighboring languages. Please, if everyone gave just one dollar a day, then others would have greater access to dictionaries and thesauri desperately needed in order to create a working patois. Begging honor, help now give grammars unbested fate?
Call me immediately and I will let you know how far I have gone with The arrangement. I will secure the Diplomatic immunity clearance Certificate that will be tagged on the boxes to make it stand as a diplomatic consignment, which I will dispatch along with the security inner Keys of
the consignments to enable you access these consignments has soon as it delivered to you. This
clearance will make it pass every custom checkpoint all over the world without hitch. Confirm the receipt of this message and send the requirements to me Immediately you receive this message.
**Reads wire stories of the horrific acts of Grammar Persecution being committed near the Canadian border. Sobs uncontrollably.**
Can't anyone do something to help these people!!!
**deep breaths**
Let's just cut to the chase:
1. I am sure that you have gone pretty far already. However, I am willing to do anything I can in order to get my lazy and incredibly greedy mitts on US$15.3.Million assist you in this matter.
2. I am going to go ahead and agree to the thing about Certificates and Keys, even though I am still feeding this paragraph through babelfish.
3. Message received? **hopeful**
Please I need your urgent reply because the boxes are schedule to airlift as soon as we hear from you. Call me immediately you receive this message.
Oh, right, persecute your own helpless Grammar population, but agree to airlift funds vital to national security the very moment I call you. I told ya'll that "decimal" was trying to emigrate!!
Speaking of calling, I am a little short of funds at the moment (at least until my US$15.3.Million arrives), so would you mind if I called collect? Just call and let me know.
Best Regards,
Mr Johnson Patrick
Director of Foreign Payment
Operation/delivery Unit C B N .
Federal Republic of Nigeria.
And...THE END
**bow, bow, bow, hammy bow...wow**
Mr Johnson Patrick
Director of Foreign Payment
Operation/delivery Unit. C B N
TELE: +234-8038970419
So far, everything appears to be fairly legit, if you don't mind the occasional capitalization error. Or the complete lack of city/state/country in the address. Besides, he might have been in a hurry, and just forgot to write it down. Good thing phone numbers can be Googled; looks like this one will let me talk to someone in Nigeria. Isn't that near the Canadian border?
DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY PAYMENT
Cool. I have been looking for something that would allow me to earn a few bucks from home, and be very low stress. Looks like posing as a foreign offcial and flaunting my inability to be prosecuted for any criminal acts in which I might be a participant just might be what I am looking for!!
ATTN: Sir /Madam,
How very open-minded of him to not make the assumption that I identify with one gender over another.
I am Mr Johnson Patrick The Director of Foreign Payment Operation/delivery Unit C B N. I decided to contact you because of the prevailing security report reaching my office and the intense nature of polity in Nigeria.
Uh-oh. Looks like someone might need to conduct a staff performance review: I see errors in capitalization, punctuation, along with awkward phrasing; overall, it appears that Grammar is not very well treated by his office. However, I am quite tickled to be considered a "go to guy" when it comes to providing foreign governments assistance with, what appear to be, vital matters of national security. I guess that degree from The Online Degree University of Miscellaneous Degrees (Any Undergraduate Degree, only $99.99; Graduate Degrees only $10.00 more! Ask about our PhD Special!!) would come in handy. Also, I would like to include points for creativity regarding the creation of an entirely new word; however, per dictionary.com, polity is a legitimate noun meaning "A judicial and executive system, for the government of a city, town, or district, for the preservation of rights, order, cleanliness, health, etc., and for the enforcement of the laws and prevention of crime; the administration of the laws and regulations of a city, incorporated town, or borough." It is interesting that the word police appears to be derivative of polity. (Given the nature of this email, excuse me while I take a moment to compose myself)
This is to inform you about our plan to send your fund to you via cash Delivery, this system will be easier for you and for us. We are going to send your contract part payment of US$15.3. Million to you via Diplomatic courier service.
AWRIGHT! Have spent less than five minutes in my new position (hell, haven't even declared my intention to accept said position), and I'm already getting paid US$15.3.Million!!! Of course, given the recent fluctuation in the value of the US Dollar, I may be only getting $7.64 and a coupon for a free DQ Blast. But, hey, a free DQ Blast!! Also, it appears that a period, awkwardly posing as a decimal, will be attempting to emigrate.
I have secured every needed document to cover the money. Note: The Money is coming on 2 security proof boxes, the boxes are sealed with Synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine. I will use my position to release this fund to You.The boxes are coming
with a Diplomatic agent who will accompany the Boxes to your house address.
Whoa. Mr. Patrick's staff is on the ball, having already gathered all the vital information needed to launder courier funds internationally to someone they have just contacted regarding the transferring of those funds. It also appears that Mr. Patrick's staff has escalated to full out persecution of the Grammar population. However, machine (A system or device, such as a computer, that performs or assists in the performance of a human task), however clumsily, is used correctly.
Redundant Brand Synthetic Nylon would like to take this time to thank Nigeria for accepting their bid on providing for all of the government's Synthetic Nylon Sealing needs.
All you need to do now I to send to me:
Damn. And here I thought I would be getting my money for nothing. Yet, oddly enough, I am still able to get my drinks for free.
1. Your full house address
2. Your identity such as, international passport or driver's license
3. Your contact phone numbers,
Oh, okay, good; nothing that actually requires me to move more than four feet in any direction. I do find it odd, though, that Mr. Patrick and his staff are not already in possession of some of this information, given that they consider me the "go to guy" for this sort of thing.
The Diplomatic attached will travel with this required information's For the delivery of your fund. He will call you immediately he arrives Your country's airport. I hope you understand me.
The AP is now reporting that Mr. Patrick's staff has now issued a very strict curfew for the Grammar population, and any violators will be "shot on site" . In other world news, stricter border controls have reduced my country to using only one point of entry for all international visitors.
As for understanding Mr. Patrick, I do. More than he will ever realize. ;-)
I will let you know when these consignments will be lifted, and Note: The diplomatic does not know the original contents of the boxes.
Lifted sounds as if the funds will be accumulated via a collection of lost wallets, found jewelry, and misparked automobiles. (Again, due to the nature of this email, allow another moment for self composure.)
Meanwhile, the Diplomatic Courier does not know that they have replaced his regular courier bag with one of flaming dog poo. Let's watch his reaction.
What declared to them as the contents is Sensitive Photographic Film Material. I did not declare money to them please. If they call you and Ask you the contents please tell them the same thing ok.
It now appears that there will need to be foreign aid, and possibly an airlift, to prevent further persecution of grammar. The borders are already overwhelmed with refugees, resulting in what amounts to the wholesale pidgining of neighboring languages. Please, if everyone gave just one dollar a day, then others would have greater access to dictionaries and thesauri desperately needed in order to create a working patois. Begging honor, help now give grammars unbested fate?
Call me immediately and I will let you know how far I have gone with The arrangement. I will secure the Diplomatic immunity clearance Certificate that will be tagged on the boxes to make it stand as a diplomatic consignment, which I will dispatch along with the security inner Keys of
the consignments to enable you access these consignments has soon as it delivered to you. This
clearance will make it pass every custom checkpoint all over the world without hitch. Confirm the receipt of this message and send the requirements to me Immediately you receive this message.
**Reads wire stories of the horrific acts of Grammar Persecution being committed near the Canadian border. Sobs uncontrollably.**
Can't anyone do something to help these people!!!
**deep breaths**
Let's just cut to the chase:
1. I am sure that you have gone pretty far already. However, I am willing to do anything I can in order to get my lazy and incredibly greedy mitts on US$15.3.Million assist you in this matter.
2. I am going to go ahead and agree to the thing about Certificates and Keys, even though I am still feeding this paragraph through babelfish.
3. Message received? **hopeful**
Please I need your urgent reply because the boxes are schedule to airlift as soon as we hear from you. Call me immediately you receive this message.
Oh, right, persecute your own helpless Grammar population, but agree to airlift funds vital to national security the very moment I call you. I told ya'll that "decimal" was trying to emigrate!!
Speaking of calling, I am a little short of funds at the moment (at least until my US$15.3.Million arrives), so would you mind if I called collect? Just call and let me know.
Best Regards,
Mr Johnson Patrick
Director of Foreign Payment
Operation/delivery Unit C B N .
Federal Republic of Nigeria.
And...THE END
**bow, bow, bow, hammy bow...wow**