EAD 2016- Love? (1/2)
EAD 2016 Masterpost
Title: Love?
Author: Elspeth
Fandom/Genre: Harry Potter
Relationship(s): Canon Pairings and Dissolutions
Content Rating: Teen/Mature
Warnings: Love Potions, Consent Issues, Dealing with aftermath of a Werewolf Attack, Massive Consent Issues, Seriously- Love Potions
Summary: Lavender Brown wakes up from the potion regimen to remove the systemic dark magic from her body after Fenrir Greyback’s attack. It does remove some dark magic from her body, but not the dark magic everyone expected. She goes to see Hermione immediately.
Word Count: 14848/10000
Part One:
"Why are the scars still there?" Lavender asked Healer Fitzworth.
Healer Fitzworth looked at her mother who had been weeping every since Lavender woke up from the potion induced coma. She reached up to touch those scars she could see in the mirror. Tracing from her right shoulder up her neck, which had thankfully not impairing her, and then along her chin across her lips (her lips...the scars where still on her lips), just ending under her left eye. Since Fenrir Greyback's attack, she had avoided looking into mirrors, seeing those disfigured lips. Glamour charms apparently didn't work on scars with dark magic inside. Apparently she was lucky she hadn't been transformed into a werewolf. Just like she was lucky to be alive.
It had been years since the Battle of Hogwarts. Those first few months she had been comatose. The healers had been more worried about whether she would stay alive than whether those scars would remain. Trust Fenrir Greyback to dip his fingernails into Cicatricem Potion, to poison anyone he even lightly scratched. Apparently, he didn't think he had done a good enough job on Bill Weasley's face, he wanted to leave real marks on his "chosen".
Waking up had been a nightmare. Her body had been paralyzed, with Essence of Dittany soaked cloths covering her shoulder, neck and face. She laid there, locked into place, unable to open her eyes, but only able to smell (oh how it stunk) the Dittany. She could tell she was on a bed but there was silence around her. Terrified she went to sleep and continued in that tradition of rousing and sleeping. Finally, she woke while the cloths were being removed, and when her eyes were spelled open for a medical check, the Healer realized she was awake, actually awake.
Her stint in The "Dangerous" Dai Llewellyn Ward was one of the longest, not ending in death. She hadn't been allowed to move her face as Greyback's gouges would reopen and deepen, the only thing that slowly but surely leech the Cicatricem Potion from those marks was Essence of Dittany. She hadn't been able to eat or talk for a year. Spelling a meal into her stomach had become second nature. Writing with ribbons she learned how to do wandlessly, after Hermione Granger, one of her first of many visitors researched spells to be adapted to mute wizards and witches. "It weird not hearing you tell me I need to accessorize my shoes with buckles or whatever kind of nonsense," Hermione wistfully said. A few weeks later Hermione had come back with spells that could write thoughts into the air around her. Vitta Scriptum had worked the best with her magic. First thing she wrote to Hermione with her wand was, "Your shoes need buckles. What kind of witch are you?"
The first time she did it wandlessly was after her mother had taken away her wand to insist to her primary Healer, Healer Pye, perform another medical check, after the previous one had suggested Lavender could finally go home, but with permanent stiffening spells on her face, neck and shoulder. "Who would love my daughter now? Look at her. She's disfigured still! What kind of Healer are you? Lavender has been here for almost two years! You have assured us, the poison is gone, and yet why hasn't the scars been removed? Just look at her. Look at her lips! They're being spelled together! Half her face would fall off without those spells!"
Lavender had been horrified. Not asking for a mirror, not even touching her scars, she had no idea, what she looked liked. With her wand in her mother's hands, Ribbons formed around her. "MOTHER?" Her mother and Healer Pye turned to her in shock. Healer Pye looked at her mother pointedly while she remained silent, staring at Lavender. Lavender finally wrote, "I want to go home. Please mother." Her mother continued to look at her and when her shoulders slumping, "All right darling. All right. We'll figure something out. We can go home shortly."
When they arrived home, via the floo, she went to her room, just as she left it just before the start of her Seventh Year at Hogwarts, except the large mirror by her vanity was gone. "Darling, you don't need to know how beautiful you are anymore." She laid on her bed, took out the compact mirror she had kept under her pillow since she turned 13 and Parvati (Parvati who hadn't visited) had told read her fortune telling her to prevent bad luck, upon awakening she must look in a mirror first thing in the morning. She slowly undid her dress, opened her mirror, and finally looked at her scars, starting at her shoulder and then up to her face. Her frozen face. Tracing along the dark red gouges she looked at them, released the spells along her eyes and cried.
Since then she kept the compact mirror under her pillow, bad luck had followed her anyways, but everyday she would trace the scars back and forth. Overtime they did seem to get smaller and were less sensitive, but the spells on her shoulder, neck and face remained.
Specialist after specialist, healer after healer, gave the same answer: dark magic. Fenrir Greyback's intent was to scar her, to mark her. With the Cicatricem Potion, it was a magical intent that remained in her scars, keeping them from being removed couldn't remove and regrow the skin as the skin wouldn't regrow, attested by a two inch patch of red scaring from her shoulder to her collarbone, keeping them from being healed. Healer Fitzworth, a Mediwizard specializing in Dark Magic Maladies, at the Pitié-Salpêtrière Hôpital in Paris had come up with a intensive potions regimen therapy. She would be put in a potion-induced coma, while Purvus Purifico Potions would be used to purify her body and get rid of the lingering dark magic. Her magic would be completely vulnerable until the purification was complete and the procedure might even take months. Her mother immediately agreed to the procedure, and while looking at Healer Fitzworth, relaxing at the sincerity his face, Lavender agreed as well.
Waking up with her body paralyzed again, three years, two months, and 6 days from The Battle of Hogwarts, she felt like herself again. She felt alive! She smiled (smiled!) softly, her skin pulling gently on her face (her face moved!) and went to sleep with her mother weeping in the background.
When she awakened next, Healer Fitzworth was sitting alongside her bed, just looking at her, his long hair pulled from his face, his usually jovial appearance somber. She turned her neck (turned her neck!) and smiled (smiled again) at him. Lavender started to worry when Healer Fitzworth took her hand into his and said, "I'm so sorry, Mlle. Brown." Lavender froze. Gaining her Gryffindor courage around her, ribbons filled the air, "What's wrong?"
Healer Fitzworth just shoke his head at her, "Your mother wants to tell you herself. I've given her a calming draught and sent her to sleep. She has been inconsolable."
"That's just my mother."
"Not in this case. I think you should get some rest yourself. Now, I'm going to give you some Dreamless Sleep Potion and when you wake up anew, your mother will be here and she will tell you the...results." Ribbons faded from the air as Healer Fitzworth spelled the potion into her stomach. The last thing she heard was, "Je suis tellement désolé, Mlle. Brown. Vraiment...Si j'avais su..."
OoO
Ribbons wrote in the air, "I asked why are my scars still here. Hasn't the dark magic been purged. I feel fine...I feel better than fine. I feel free! Like a weight that has been on my chest has lifted. I feel clean. Why didn't the scars disappear? The frozen spells are not needed anymore. I should be fine. I think I could speak even. I could eat!"
Healer Fitzworth, who stopped looking at her mother, still weeping, looked at Lavender and said, "Those are some very good questions. Let me answer a few of them while your mother answers the rest. We believe the frozen spells as you have called them have been unnecessary for the past year. They were a precaution as you know any movement while the Cicatricem Potion was in your body would have split the scars open further. They were needed to prevent further damage. After speaking to Healer Pye, we determined they would no longer be necessary."
Lavender traced her scars. She touched her bottom lip and then tugged gently. the scars from her chin to her bottom lip were there, but finally where closed up. "It didn't work? Then why is my face..."
Healer Fitzworth, took her hand pulling at her skin and set it down. "Miss Brown. Healer Pye and I determined we could suture the skin together. There had been a worry that any attempt earlier would result in..."
"My shoulder," Lavender finished for him. She turned her neck and looked at her exposed shoulder where they had once been three gouges but instead was a stripe, two inches of red scaring from her shoulder to her collarbone. It didn't bother her to look at it anymore. It just was. "And please get my mother another Calming Draught," ribbons wrote. Finishing her thoughts, they continued, "Why didn't it work?"
Healer Fitzworth, looked at her mother. "Madam Brown. Enough. I must insist you stop avoiding your daughter. You wanted to tell her. You can not keep this from her any longer." He looked back at Lavender, "Mlle. Brown, ... Lavender... the Purvus Purifico worked. It did remove dark magic from your body. That is why you feel cleansed. We talked about this months ago. About how if there were more than one areas of dark magic, it would remove what it could. That's what happened. Dark magic had been introduced to your body before, before Greyback. Your mother wants to tell you the rest." He looked at Lavender, withdrew her wand from the drawer and set it in her hand. "Before you try talking and eating, please consult I or Healer Pye. We can help things along." He stepped away from Lavender, gave her mother a vial and left the room.
Her mother finally sat down next to her and just looked at her. "I...I...I didn't know this would happen. Darling, you must forgive me."
Part Two:
"Lavender!" Hermione exclaimed as she opened the door to her and her fiance's, Ron Weasley's, flat. "How? Why?...I thought you were...Your mother..." Hermione trailed off confusedly. "Come in and sit down."
"Thank you," read the ribbons floating around Lavender as she walked into her friend's home, somewhere she had been invited to come over for years but never had come. "Darling, while Hermione is a lovely girl, she's only being polite. You don't really want to go out into...public do you?" Lavender resolutely stopped thinking about her mother.
She had left her mother at Healer Fitzworth's private practice after hours of waiting for her mother to tell her what was going on. With her mother's incoherentness at an all time high, Lavender turned inward and started to think about this "Dark Magic" that had been introduced into her body before Greyback. Reflecting about when it was the last time she felt like, well, herself. Sixth Year. Summer before Sixth Year... Before Ron,...Hermione's fiance. She very carefully mulled over that time and came to only one conclusion: love potions. Avoiding considering the implications for herself she thought about Ron and...Hermione. After a while, even with her mother protesting profusely, she dressed, left her mother at Healer Fitzworth's and made her way to Hermione's flat in London.
"Do you want something to drink?" Hermione asked and then paused. "I mean..."
"Yes, a glass of water would be lovely," ribbons wrote in the air. Looking around, she took in the warmth of the living room. Taking in the pictures on the wall, she smiled (smiled! that would never get old), she slowly turned around and sat down on the sofa.
Hermione left the room and came back with a glass of water, offered it to Lavender and sat down in front of Lavender. "You're here. I didn't think you would ever leave your house. Your mother said you didn't want to leave and I mustn't pressure you into coming out if you were not ready. I'm so happy to see you Lavender. Your last letter a few months ago mentioned a new treatment?"
Lavender tapped the glass of water with her wand and spelled half into her stomach. Setting the glass on the table nearby and her wand into her wand hostler on her right arm, she looked at Hermione fully. She reached out to grasp Hermione's hand and gave her a smile (a smile!).
Hermione gasped. "You can smile! Oh, Lavender! This is amazing! Your scars, if you don't mind me saying so, look much better. You look...just fabulous. That must have been some healing."
Lavender smiled even wider. Hermione was a great friend. She hoped this wouldn't hurt Hermione, but she had to know. Her smile dropped and she held Hermione's hands more firmly. Ribbons wrote, "Hermione. My friend. Thank you. I...I must tell you something. Please understand I don't want to hurt you but..."
Hermione starting to frown, held Lavender's hands in her back. "Lavender. Tell me. All right? Things will be okay. I promise."
Lavender shook her head slowly but continued. "My treatment as you called it, did remove some Dark Magic in my body. My healer had theorized it would remove the lingering Darkness under my skin and in my magic's core. It didn't, it didn't work because I had been exposed to Dark Magic before Greyback." Ribbons pausing in the air, she looked at Hermione closely before she continued. "I do feel like myself again. I... My scars will remain. No glamours for me but no freeze spells on my face either. My healer said I can probably eat, drink, talk and even laugh with more therapy. But I feel like myself. Myself before Sixth Year....before Ron."
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked stiffly.
"I believe I was given a love potion. One keyed to Ron." Despite Hermione starting to shake her head at Lavender's words, Lavender continued. "I believe you were given one as well."
"No! Lavender! No. That's not possible. I love Ron. I, not a potion given to me. Just me. No magic." Hermione violently shaking her head and her body in protest. She stood up and continued saying "Not possible. No. Not possible."
Lavender waited in her seat.
"Why? Why would you say such a horrid thing?" finally asked Hermione, who had wrapped her arms around her, standing on the opposite side of the room.
"Please. Hermione. Please sit down. Please." Hermione slowly walked over and sat down. "Let me ask you this. Just one question. And then if it's not what I think it is, I'll apologize and never say another word. I promise." Hermione nodded her acceptance. "How...how do you love Ron?"
"How do I love Ron? Lavender, what? Why would you..? All right. How do I love Ron?" Hermione thought for a while before starting to answer. "Ron. He, when I love at him I'm filled with this warmth. When he talks to me, even if we're arguing, my magic almost tingles inside me. When we touch, say he holds my hand, or kisses me, I...I feel so good, my magic sometimes feels like it's shivering inside. I'm always thinking about him, and to honest I sometimes get jealous when I see him around other women." Hermione smiled and laughed softly in remembrance, and turned to look at the pictures on the wall. "You know when you and Ron started going out, I was so jealous. I had this, chest monster, I think Harry called it, that would rear its head. I was so jealous of Ron and you. I almost trip jinxed you a couple times. I wanted to yanked your hair out! I hated you so much. It's was crazy. I was so crazy about Ron. I still am. I don't think I'll ever not be. When he asked if I'd marry him, I just shook with happiness. I felt like my magic was doing somersaults under my skin." Hermione smiling widely now, looked down at her ring. "So you see. I'm not under a love potion."
Hermione looked at her ring some more before looking at Lavender once more. She stilled at Lavender's countenance. "Lavender? It's not. It's not possible."
Lavender leaned over and grasped Hermione's hands once more. Ribbons appearing into the air and paused before writing, "Yes, Hermione. Yes...I felt the same way about Ron, the exact same way until three days ago. And...that was exactly how I felt about you."
Part Three:
The words that followed Lavender's confession after a stilted silence were, "Fuck. Let's get drunk."
Lavender just looked at Hermione with a raised eyebrow (a raised eyebrow- no spells needed!). Hermione just huffed at Lavender and said, "Well we have to do something! I can't...I can't deal with this right now. My wedding is," Hermione paused with a sob, "my wedding is, was, I don't know, next month! Apparently I was love potioned! You were love potioned! And we hated each other like raging bitches all the while being friends. I can't. I'm going to go insane and maybe start attacking everything if I don't...if I start...if we...if Ron..."
Lavender pulled Hermione towards her to give her a hug and just held as Hermione wrapped her arms around Lavender and sobbed in her shoulder. She clung just as tightly to Hermione. She didn't want to think about it either. She didn't think she'd ever want to think about it. But, she would. She would for Hermione. Her friend. Her friend who she could appreciate without thinking those awful hateful thoughts. She could remember how often Hermione visited her at St. Mungos, how Hermione how found those spells, had taught her non-verbal spellwork, and even given her the foundations of non-verbal wandless spells to practice just in case she was ever in danger again. Hermione had tirelessly gone over the spells, the theory, the everything for months and months (with her mother tutted disapprovingly in the corner), all the while with that encouraging happy smile (because of Ron-her mind would whisper) that Lavender had despised her for. Lavender could at last not hate Hermione. After four years of loathing her guts, Lavender was just relieved.
Hermione. Her friend.
They hugged it out standing up, finally sat down on the sofa and cuddled. Hermione talked through her tears, with her mind going a mile a minute, asked Lavender question after question, and then answered them herself, answers that had led Lavender to her own conclusions.
"We were potioned at the same time, right? If we hadn't been, we would have noticed each other's bizarre behavior and asked some questions. What was Parvati and Fay doing? Didn't they...of course they noticed, those fucking...They probably thought you were just boy crazy but with an actual boyfriend, and that I, that I was acting like a "real girl" for once. Well, fuck them; they are definitely uninvited to my wedding!...
"...It's nice to know why I was acting so crazy. I was so jealous, I seethed. I'm so glad I didn't hurt you, that you didn't hurt me. We could have really, I only had 6 months of jealous rage towards you. You had what, four years. I would have never of lasted that long without cursing you. And on top of that, Ron wasn't yours...just the thought of not being with Ron feels me with dread; my magic feels like it's knotting itself inside me...What did you do? Really? Nothing? Oh. Ron and I weren't together until...until Battle of Hogwarts. But you didn't do anything even after you woke up and I taught you those non-verbal pain curses. Damn...
"...I can't believe I cheated in Quidditch for Ron. I confunded Cormac McLaggen in the Keeper Tryouts. I know Harry knew what I did, but he never said anything. Well, no, he did say something but I just ignore him. I think went to that awful Christmas Party with Cormac to make Ron jealous. I didn't care he was your boyfriend! I just wanted Ron. This is the worst. I've acted so..."
Lavender rubbed Hermione's back and stroke her hair. Just letting Hermione's voice go on and on, rambling like she had back in their dorm after figuring out a particular puzzle that day. Parvati and Fay would spell the curtains to their beds quiet but Lavender would lay on her bed and just listen as Hermione talked about magic. It was a nightly tradition that Hermione had begun at the beginning of their career at Hogwarts, just to be able to talk out loud and pretend people were listening; it wasn't until Halloween, that Harry and Ron had become friends with Hermione, that Hermione had stopped finishing her talks with a nightly cry. Lavender always regretted not being friends with Hermione earlier, for not jumping into Hermione's bed and giving Hermione a hug like she was now. Lavender was positive that listening to Hermione's recollections of what she learned that day was how Lavender had gotten such good marks in Charms and Potions, not the highest in the class mind you, but good marks. Neville was responsible for her marks in Herbology and Harry, Defense Against Dark Arts, of course. Astronomy though, that was all her.
As Hermione's voice lapsed. Lavender wrote to her, "How can we dispell the potion on you?"
"I don't know," Hermione whispered after awhile, her voice broken by small hiccups ever so often. "We weren't potioned with Amortentia or any other common love potion. You said in your letter you were getting a magical purification. Clearly it wasn't just any love potion in your system, in my system. It subverted our thoughts and only the closest to us would have recognized an immediate change. It changed our magic even. Our magic gave us pleasure as we loved Ron, the more intimate, the more pleasurable; our magic was triggered by Ron's responses.
"I could try brewing a Love Potion Antidote or a Hate Potion, but I doubt it would be enough it break its hold over me. There was a dark element to the potion we were given- it was for you and still is for me, mind alternating like the Imperio Curse. It's very advance and possibly ritualistic. Not just any potioneer would have been about to brew this.
"Love potions are often action based. You may act and say you love someone, but you don't actually love that person, it's just a powerful infatuation... Hector Dagworth-Granger theorized there would never be elixir created to control and create love. But there was. You, you truly loved Ron. I, I really love Ron." Hermione finished speaking, her voice almost gone but speaking calmly.
Lavender contemplated her friend's words. "Mind Healer?" wrote Lavender. Hermione nodded.
They had said all they needed to say, so they just cuddled some more, taking comfort. This was the longest amount of time Lavender had been in contact with someone, not a Healer in years. Even her mother would stay her distance. "Darling, why are you out of bed? No, no touching, what has gotten into you? Are you feeling well? I know, you can sit over here by the window and look outside. It's a beautiful day, isn't it? I'm going out visit Lady Blythe. Be a good girl and go back to bed when you feel better." Lavender thought she could use the services of a Mind Healer as well. Perhaps her Healer would have some recommendations.
Eventually, they both sat up. "Cake? I have samples in the kitchen," Hermione offered lightly. "Ron will be home in an hour or so."
"Are you sure that is wise?" Ribbons quickly wrote out. "You wish to stay? To talk to him?"
Hermione looked at the pictures on the wall and then down at her ring and back to Lavender. "Yes. I'm sure. We need to talk to Ron. Perhaps even with our wands. You managed to survive with Ron breaking up with you. I, my magic can handle the same." Hermione got up and patted down her clothes. "Shall we?" She gestured to the kitchen. Lavender stood up as well and headed to the kitchen. Maybe they could even take a walk outside while they waited for Ron to come home, she was more than ready to go outside and just stroll around, scars and all.
OoO
Part Four:
When Ron came home, Lavender and Hermione were settled in the sofa in Hermione's living room once more talking about Lavender's crush on her Healer, eating cake. Hermione had been happy for the distraction and Lavender just wanted to talk about someone whom she actually liked, with whom she had the choice to like, with whom she had been ignorant of her liking while potioned. It was so comforting to have a conversation that didn't revolve around her disfigurement, or worse, a nervous conversation being conducted to avoid talking about it. Plus, Healer Fitzworth was particularly gorgeous.
When Ron came through the floo, giving a greeting, "Hermione, I'm home!" Hermione stilled. As Ron looked at Lavender in puzzlement before also greeting her, Lavender set down her cake and Hermione's, and took out her wand to write, "Hello Ron. Hermione and I need to talk to you. Would you sit down?"
"Hermione? Is everything okay? Lavender? I don't. I don't understand." Ron fumbled for words as he came forward to sit in front of them. He reached out to touch Hermione, but when she flinched, he pulled back. "Hermione? Love? What's going on? You're starting to alarm me. Hermione, tell me what's going on? Please? Are you all right?" Ron asked, getting more and more worried by the second. He turned to Lavender when Hermione just sat there, looking at him. "Lavender? Why is Hermione looking at me that that?" Please tell me what's going on."
Lavender put an arm around Hermione before writing to her, "Do you want me to?"
Hermione shook her head. Hermione took a steadying breath before releasing it to speak. "Ron," she stopped. She shook her head to ward off tears before continuing. "I've been potioned. Love potioned."
Ron asked quickly, his voice almost sighing with relief, "To who? Do you know who did it? How long ago? Have you brewed the antidote? It's going to be okay honey. Don't worry about this, I won't...anything you do, I won't take it seriously until you are love potion free. After I was love potioned by Romilda Vane, Slughorn brewed me an antidote and I was right as rain. He even said even if I hadn't taken the antidote it would have worn off after a few hours."
"Ron! It's not okay. It's not going to be okay!' Hermione shouted at him, getting angry over how blasé Ron was reacting. She exploded, "It was to you! I was potioned to love you! You want to know how long it's been? It's been FOUR YEARS! I've been poitioned to love you for FOUR FUCKING YEARS! LAVENDER TOO! Lavender isn't potioned anymore but I am. I'm still. I'm still POTIONED to love you! Don't you get it?"
Ron looked faint, like he had be smack by a troll. "What?" he croaked out, utterly shocked. "What? I don't understand. Hermione? What? You've been potioned to love..," he took a few
breaths. "You've been potioned to love me? Did I, did I hear that right?" He looked at Hermione beseechingly before looking at Lavender, his breaths coming in fast as he started to list to the side. "Hermione, please tell me this isn't true! Please..."
"I think Ron needs a Calming Draught," wrote Lavender. Noticing Hermione was moving to touch Ron, to reassure him, she wrote some more. "Hermione! Go get a Calming Draught. Don't touch him. I know you want to comfort him but you can't. Go get Calming Draught. Go. Now!" She made Hermione stand up and gave her a slight push away from Ron. Hermione hesitated, clearly wanting to reach out towards Ron. Lavender stood up and moved in front of Ron, who had groan, reading the words Lavender had written, breathing even more quickly and heavily and starting to clutch his heart. Lavender waited, looking at Hermione until she stopped looking at Ron, until she turned and went for her potions kit in the kitchen, until Hermione was out of the room. Then she turned to Ron and cast relaxing spells, the spells she had been taught to cast on herself when she talked to panic about not being about to move her body.
"Ron, look at me. Look at me Ron," ribbons wrote in front Ron's face. Lavender reached out and laid her had on Ron's shoulder, giving it a shake. "Ron! Look at me and relax. Hermione is getting a Calming Draught. She'll be back any moment. Just look at me and let my spells relax you. Come on and look at me." Ron no longer grasping at his heart, raised his head and looked at her, tears forming in his eyes along with a question. "Yes, Ron. Yes." Lavender wrote and Ron looked back down devastated and broke down.
Lavender kept her hand on Ron's shoulder taken back by his reaction, his response. He hadn't known. Ron hadn't known at all. And because of that, she could give him comfort instead of blasting him into that way of pictures of him and Hermione happy together. Pictures showing a happy in love couple, a couple who looked like they had been happily married for years. Looking at those pictures Lavender thought about how she had imagined Ron and her as a couple. They had never gotten as far as sex, but she at least had been heading there that Christmas before he broke up with her. Lavender had given him that necklace saying "My Sweetheart" thinking about how they could have a summer wedding, be married for 7th year, be married with a baby on its way...She had never stopped thinking about her and Ron's children, the children she had continued to believe they would have, the children she knew would never happen three days ago. This was so fucked up.
Lavender looked down at Ron before looking for Hermione. She was there in the door way, vial in hand, arms wrapped around herself, staring at Ron, with a look of love, of sorrow, of disbelief and of denial. "Still love potioned?" Lavender wrote. Hermione nodded and cast her own ribbons to write, "I can feel...his heartbreak...My magic, it's encouraging me to make him believe this was a lie, a horrible prank, something to make the pain, his pain go away..." Hermione's ribbons started to dissipate before one last thought was written. "...he didn't know..." With that, Hermione walked to Ron and Lavender tapped her wand to spell the potion into Ron.
Lavender and Hermione waited for the potion to calm Ron down. Lavender levitated him to the sofa, added a second chair and sat down and waited for Hermione to sit down as well. She did, pulling out another Calming Draught and downing it herself. She looked at Lavender who just slipped her arm around Hermione again before both turning to Ron.
Ron's breathing fully turned to normal but kept his head down, hugging his knees to his body. "I knew it," Ron whispered.
"What?" wrote Lavender with Hermione echoing it out loud.
"Why else would you love me?" asked Ron. "Why would you love me?" he repeated, his voice steady but loud in its bitterness.
Lavender couldn't think of anything to say, Hermione was in an equal predicament.
"I was a horrible person. I was mean to you. I belittled you. I used you. You were a better friend to me than I ever was to you. I was jealous of everything and hateful of how smart you were Hermione and how popular Harry was and of your friendship. I didn't care that you worked so hard to do well in school, or that it was because Harry's parents died and he didn't that he was popular. I was jealous and awful. Just an awful person. I walked out when you and Harry needed me the most. I left you both in that cold miserable tent with part of Voldemort's soul leeching from us. I have never, never forgiven myself." Ron took a deep breath and then looked at Hermione.
"When you kissed me, in the Chamber of Secrets, I promised myself I would be by your side no matter what. It was a chance I didn't think I would ever have with you and I promised myself I would squander it, that I would never squander you. I promised myself I would never leave you and Harry ever again. Never again. I promised myself that if we won, if we survived, I would be the man that you deserved. I would be strong and hardworking and there for you, always.That I would stand by you, stand with you, as you fought battles of inequality or whatever you thought was worth your time...to be the man you didn't need, but the man you'd want with you for the rest of your life." Ron broke off, agony and heartbreak in his face. He just looked at Hermione, letting her understand, hoping she would.
Ron continued after a moment, "I've always like you. Even when acting like a idiot, I've liked you. I loved you by fifth year, I loved you like a friend. I loved you because you were a better friend to Harry than I ever was or could be and I loved Harry too. But...I feel in love with you after the war, after we started dating, after I grew up." Ron stopped, still looking at Hermione.
Hermione brought her hand to lips and trembled. Ron asked Lavender a question, eyes unwavering from Hermione's. "Four years? Did I hear that right?" Lavender miserably nodded, unable to lie, not about this, not about what had happen to her and Hermione. Ron turned away, almost able to think about that meant. Looking at those damned pictures, he resumed, "I feel in love with you, Hermione. But it was a potioned you. And you never had a choice. Oh god!"
Ron turned to look at both of them now, "how could it be a Love Potion? Love Potions are just infatuation spells! Like what I felt for Romilda. George sells them at his shop. They are't this. Not this Hermione. Not this."
Hermione brought her hand down and reached out to him; Lavender did the same with her other hand. They held Ron's hands. All of them reeling from the revelations.
"And you were potioned too?" asked Ron to Lavender, addressing that part of Hermione's shouting for the first time. "Oh my god. Why Why did they do this? Who...who did this? How? How did they do this? It was our Sixth Year. You were only 16 years old."
"We don't know," wrote Lavender. "We were hoping you did. This isn't just any love potion, Ron. It was dark."
Ron shuddered and squeezed both of their hands, "I'm so sorry. I am so fucking sorry. Lavender...you were my first girlfriend, my first kiss. And Hermione, you're the love of my life. The woman I intended to marry. I'm so sorry."
Hermione jerked her hand away from Ron's. "You're not going to marry me? Don't you love me?"
"Yes, I love you. But you are not you. How can I marry you knowing that you are under the influence. You probably don't even love me. Not to marry me and have those kids we were planning." Ron choked out shaking his head and reaching for Hermione's hand again. "You're potioned. It's not real." He turned to Lavender, "how did you break the hold? If it was dark magic, how did you overcome the potion?"
Lavender wrote, "Purification potion induced coma. We think Hermione could break it seeing a Mind Healer. It was dark magic, Ron. It will take time to remove. It had settled completely in my body, in my mind and magic. You broke up with me but I never broke up with you."
"I love you so much Ron," Hermione stated. "I know. I know. It might not be love. But it is. I..I believe that I've been potioned...I just don't want to believe. I just want to be with you. I love you. Can I just be with you?" pleaded Hermione.
"No. Hermione. No." answered Ron, not wanting to ever have said that to Hermione, to the woman he loved. "I love you. I do. I just cannot believe you when you say you love me back. But I made that promise Hermione. I made that promise and I will stand by it. I will stand with you, always. And if after you've been healed, you still love me, and you still want to get married, then I will be right there with you. I will marry you that day. But not now. Not when you can't honestly say that you love me, potion free." Ron concluded, looking at Hermione again, letting her understand once more, that he would have her back, "if it comes down to you not loving me once you're better, I'm still going to be there, right there with you, but as your friend. I'm going to be your friend no matter what. Even if you don't want to be mine in the end."
Lavender looked at Ron and forgave him. He really was an awful person, he broke up with her, she felt like she wanted to die. She hadn't been able to get over him and she hated the fact that he didn't want her. Lavender had gone into a tailspin of misery that had latest over three years. Looking at this man before her, she didn't see the boy she was potioned to love, but she did she the good man he had become. And it hurt. It hurt to see person who loved someone with all his heart, broken. Three lives fucked up, she wondered how many more lives would be ruined.
Continued (2/2)
Title: Love?
Author: Elspeth
Fandom/Genre: Harry Potter
Relationship(s): Canon Pairings and Dissolutions
Content Rating: Teen/Mature
Warnings: Love Potions, Consent Issues, Dealing with aftermath of a Werewolf Attack, Massive Consent Issues, Seriously- Love Potions
Summary: Lavender Brown wakes up from the potion regimen to remove the systemic dark magic from her body after Fenrir Greyback’s attack. It does remove some dark magic from her body, but not the dark magic everyone expected. She goes to see Hermione immediately.
Word Count: 14848/10000
Part One:
"Why are the scars still there?" Lavender asked Healer Fitzworth.
Healer Fitzworth looked at her mother who had been weeping every since Lavender woke up from the potion induced coma. She reached up to touch those scars she could see in the mirror. Tracing from her right shoulder up her neck, which had thankfully not impairing her, and then along her chin across her lips (her lips...the scars where still on her lips), just ending under her left eye. Since Fenrir Greyback's attack, she had avoided looking into mirrors, seeing those disfigured lips. Glamour charms apparently didn't work on scars with dark magic inside. Apparently she was lucky she hadn't been transformed into a werewolf. Just like she was lucky to be alive.
It had been years since the Battle of Hogwarts. Those first few months she had been comatose. The healers had been more worried about whether she would stay alive than whether those scars would remain. Trust Fenrir Greyback to dip his fingernails into Cicatricem Potion, to poison anyone he even lightly scratched. Apparently, he didn't think he had done a good enough job on Bill Weasley's face, he wanted to leave real marks on his "chosen".
Waking up had been a nightmare. Her body had been paralyzed, with Essence of Dittany soaked cloths covering her shoulder, neck and face. She laid there, locked into place, unable to open her eyes, but only able to smell (oh how it stunk) the Dittany. She could tell she was on a bed but there was silence around her. Terrified she went to sleep and continued in that tradition of rousing and sleeping. Finally, she woke while the cloths were being removed, and when her eyes were spelled open for a medical check, the Healer realized she was awake, actually awake.
Her stint in The "Dangerous" Dai Llewellyn Ward was one of the longest, not ending in death. She hadn't been allowed to move her face as Greyback's gouges would reopen and deepen, the only thing that slowly but surely leech the Cicatricem Potion from those marks was Essence of Dittany. She hadn't been able to eat or talk for a year. Spelling a meal into her stomach had become second nature. Writing with ribbons she learned how to do wandlessly, after Hermione Granger, one of her first of many visitors researched spells to be adapted to mute wizards and witches. "It weird not hearing you tell me I need to accessorize my shoes with buckles or whatever kind of nonsense," Hermione wistfully said. A few weeks later Hermione had come back with spells that could write thoughts into the air around her. Vitta Scriptum had worked the best with her magic. First thing she wrote to Hermione with her wand was, "Your shoes need buckles. What kind of witch are you?"
The first time she did it wandlessly was after her mother had taken away her wand to insist to her primary Healer, Healer Pye, perform another medical check, after the previous one had suggested Lavender could finally go home, but with permanent stiffening spells on her face, neck and shoulder. "Who would love my daughter now? Look at her. She's disfigured still! What kind of Healer are you? Lavender has been here for almost two years! You have assured us, the poison is gone, and yet why hasn't the scars been removed? Just look at her. Look at her lips! They're being spelled together! Half her face would fall off without those spells!"
Lavender had been horrified. Not asking for a mirror, not even touching her scars, she had no idea, what she looked liked. With her wand in her mother's hands, Ribbons formed around her. "MOTHER?" Her mother and Healer Pye turned to her in shock. Healer Pye looked at her mother pointedly while she remained silent, staring at Lavender. Lavender finally wrote, "I want to go home. Please mother." Her mother continued to look at her and when her shoulders slumping, "All right darling. All right. We'll figure something out. We can go home shortly."
When they arrived home, via the floo, she went to her room, just as she left it just before the start of her Seventh Year at Hogwarts, except the large mirror by her vanity was gone. "Darling, you don't need to know how beautiful you are anymore." She laid on her bed, took out the compact mirror she had kept under her pillow since she turned 13 and Parvati (Parvati who hadn't visited) had told read her fortune telling her to prevent bad luck, upon awakening she must look in a mirror first thing in the morning. She slowly undid her dress, opened her mirror, and finally looked at her scars, starting at her shoulder and then up to her face. Her frozen face. Tracing along the dark red gouges she looked at them, released the spells along her eyes and cried.
Since then she kept the compact mirror under her pillow, bad luck had followed her anyways, but everyday she would trace the scars back and forth. Overtime they did seem to get smaller and were less sensitive, but the spells on her shoulder, neck and face remained.
Specialist after specialist, healer after healer, gave the same answer: dark magic. Fenrir Greyback's intent was to scar her, to mark her. With the Cicatricem Potion, it was a magical intent that remained in her scars, keeping them from being removed couldn't remove and regrow the skin as the skin wouldn't regrow, attested by a two inch patch of red scaring from her shoulder to her collarbone, keeping them from being healed. Healer Fitzworth, a Mediwizard specializing in Dark Magic Maladies, at the Pitié-Salpêtrière Hôpital in Paris had come up with a intensive potions regimen therapy. She would be put in a potion-induced coma, while Purvus Purifico Potions would be used to purify her body and get rid of the lingering dark magic. Her magic would be completely vulnerable until the purification was complete and the procedure might even take months. Her mother immediately agreed to the procedure, and while looking at Healer Fitzworth, relaxing at the sincerity his face, Lavender agreed as well.
Waking up with her body paralyzed again, three years, two months, and 6 days from The Battle of Hogwarts, she felt like herself again. She felt alive! She smiled (smiled!) softly, her skin pulling gently on her face (her face moved!) and went to sleep with her mother weeping in the background.
When she awakened next, Healer Fitzworth was sitting alongside her bed, just looking at her, his long hair pulled from his face, his usually jovial appearance somber. She turned her neck (turned her neck!) and smiled (smiled again) at him. Lavender started to worry when Healer Fitzworth took her hand into his and said, "I'm so sorry, Mlle. Brown." Lavender froze. Gaining her Gryffindor courage around her, ribbons filled the air, "What's wrong?"
Healer Fitzworth just shoke his head at her, "Your mother wants to tell you herself. I've given her a calming draught and sent her to sleep. She has been inconsolable."
"That's just my mother."
"Not in this case. I think you should get some rest yourself. Now, I'm going to give you some Dreamless Sleep Potion and when you wake up anew, your mother will be here and she will tell you the...results." Ribbons faded from the air as Healer Fitzworth spelled the potion into her stomach. The last thing she heard was, "Je suis tellement désolé, Mlle. Brown. Vraiment...Si j'avais su..."
OoO
Ribbons wrote in the air, "I asked why are my scars still here. Hasn't the dark magic been purged. I feel fine...I feel better than fine. I feel free! Like a weight that has been on my chest has lifted. I feel clean. Why didn't the scars disappear? The frozen spells are not needed anymore. I should be fine. I think I could speak even. I could eat!"
Healer Fitzworth, who stopped looking at her mother, still weeping, looked at Lavender and said, "Those are some very good questions. Let me answer a few of them while your mother answers the rest. We believe the frozen spells as you have called them have been unnecessary for the past year. They were a precaution as you know any movement while the Cicatricem Potion was in your body would have split the scars open further. They were needed to prevent further damage. After speaking to Healer Pye, we determined they would no longer be necessary."
Lavender traced her scars. She touched her bottom lip and then tugged gently. the scars from her chin to her bottom lip were there, but finally where closed up. "It didn't work? Then why is my face..."
Healer Fitzworth, took her hand pulling at her skin and set it down. "Miss Brown. Healer Pye and I determined we could suture the skin together. There had been a worry that any attempt earlier would result in..."
"My shoulder," Lavender finished for him. She turned her neck and looked at her exposed shoulder where they had once been three gouges but instead was a stripe, two inches of red scaring from her shoulder to her collarbone. It didn't bother her to look at it anymore. It just was. "And please get my mother another Calming Draught," ribbons wrote. Finishing her thoughts, they continued, "Why didn't it work?"
Healer Fitzworth, looked at her mother. "Madam Brown. Enough. I must insist you stop avoiding your daughter. You wanted to tell her. You can not keep this from her any longer." He looked back at Lavender, "Mlle. Brown, ... Lavender... the Purvus Purifico worked. It did remove dark magic from your body. That is why you feel cleansed. We talked about this months ago. About how if there were more than one areas of dark magic, it would remove what it could. That's what happened. Dark magic had been introduced to your body before, before Greyback. Your mother wants to tell you the rest." He looked at Lavender, withdrew her wand from the drawer and set it in her hand. "Before you try talking and eating, please consult I or Healer Pye. We can help things along." He stepped away from Lavender, gave her mother a vial and left the room.
Her mother finally sat down next to her and just looked at her. "I...I...I didn't know this would happen. Darling, you must forgive me."
Part Two:
"Lavender!" Hermione exclaimed as she opened the door to her and her fiance's, Ron Weasley's, flat. "How? Why?...I thought you were...Your mother..." Hermione trailed off confusedly. "Come in and sit down."
"Thank you," read the ribbons floating around Lavender as she walked into her friend's home, somewhere she had been invited to come over for years but never had come. "Darling, while Hermione is a lovely girl, she's only being polite. You don't really want to go out into...public do you?" Lavender resolutely stopped thinking about her mother.
She had left her mother at Healer Fitzworth's private practice after hours of waiting for her mother to tell her what was going on. With her mother's incoherentness at an all time high, Lavender turned inward and started to think about this "Dark Magic" that had been introduced into her body before Greyback. Reflecting about when it was the last time she felt like, well, herself. Sixth Year. Summer before Sixth Year... Before Ron,...Hermione's fiance. She very carefully mulled over that time and came to only one conclusion: love potions. Avoiding considering the implications for herself she thought about Ron and...Hermione. After a while, even with her mother protesting profusely, she dressed, left her mother at Healer Fitzworth's and made her way to Hermione's flat in London.
"Do you want something to drink?" Hermione asked and then paused. "I mean..."
"Yes, a glass of water would be lovely," ribbons wrote in the air. Looking around, she took in the warmth of the living room. Taking in the pictures on the wall, she smiled (smiled! that would never get old), she slowly turned around and sat down on the sofa.
Hermione left the room and came back with a glass of water, offered it to Lavender and sat down in front of Lavender. "You're here. I didn't think you would ever leave your house. Your mother said you didn't want to leave and I mustn't pressure you into coming out if you were not ready. I'm so happy to see you Lavender. Your last letter a few months ago mentioned a new treatment?"
Lavender tapped the glass of water with her wand and spelled half into her stomach. Setting the glass on the table nearby and her wand into her wand hostler on her right arm, she looked at Hermione fully. She reached out to grasp Hermione's hand and gave her a smile (a smile!).
Hermione gasped. "You can smile! Oh, Lavender! This is amazing! Your scars, if you don't mind me saying so, look much better. You look...just fabulous. That must have been some healing."
Lavender smiled even wider. Hermione was a great friend. She hoped this wouldn't hurt Hermione, but she had to know. Her smile dropped and she held Hermione's hands more firmly. Ribbons wrote, "Hermione. My friend. Thank you. I...I must tell you something. Please understand I don't want to hurt you but..."
Hermione starting to frown, held Lavender's hands in her back. "Lavender. Tell me. All right? Things will be okay. I promise."
Lavender shook her head slowly but continued. "My treatment as you called it, did remove some Dark Magic in my body. My healer had theorized it would remove the lingering Darkness under my skin and in my magic's core. It didn't, it didn't work because I had been exposed to Dark Magic before Greyback." Ribbons pausing in the air, she looked at Hermione closely before she continued. "I do feel like myself again. I... My scars will remain. No glamours for me but no freeze spells on my face either. My healer said I can probably eat, drink, talk and even laugh with more therapy. But I feel like myself. Myself before Sixth Year....before Ron."
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked stiffly.
"I believe I was given a love potion. One keyed to Ron." Despite Hermione starting to shake her head at Lavender's words, Lavender continued. "I believe you were given one as well."
"No! Lavender! No. That's not possible. I love Ron. I, not a potion given to me. Just me. No magic." Hermione violently shaking her head and her body in protest. She stood up and continued saying "Not possible. No. Not possible."
Lavender waited in her seat.
"Why? Why would you say such a horrid thing?" finally asked Hermione, who had wrapped her arms around her, standing on the opposite side of the room.
"Please. Hermione. Please sit down. Please." Hermione slowly walked over and sat down. "Let me ask you this. Just one question. And then if it's not what I think it is, I'll apologize and never say another word. I promise." Hermione nodded her acceptance. "How...how do you love Ron?"
"How do I love Ron? Lavender, what? Why would you..? All right. How do I love Ron?" Hermione thought for a while before starting to answer. "Ron. He, when I love at him I'm filled with this warmth. When he talks to me, even if we're arguing, my magic almost tingles inside me. When we touch, say he holds my hand, or kisses me, I...I feel so good, my magic sometimes feels like it's shivering inside. I'm always thinking about him, and to honest I sometimes get jealous when I see him around other women." Hermione smiled and laughed softly in remembrance, and turned to look at the pictures on the wall. "You know when you and Ron started going out, I was so jealous. I had this, chest monster, I think Harry called it, that would rear its head. I was so jealous of Ron and you. I almost trip jinxed you a couple times. I wanted to yanked your hair out! I hated you so much. It's was crazy. I was so crazy about Ron. I still am. I don't think I'll ever not be. When he asked if I'd marry him, I just shook with happiness. I felt like my magic was doing somersaults under my skin." Hermione smiling widely now, looked down at her ring. "So you see. I'm not under a love potion."
Hermione looked at her ring some more before looking at Lavender once more. She stilled at Lavender's countenance. "Lavender? It's not. It's not possible."
Lavender leaned over and grasped Hermione's hands once more. Ribbons appearing into the air and paused before writing, "Yes, Hermione. Yes...I felt the same way about Ron, the exact same way until three days ago. And...that was exactly how I felt about you."
Part Three:
The words that followed Lavender's confession after a stilted silence were, "Fuck. Let's get drunk."
Lavender just looked at Hermione with a raised eyebrow (a raised eyebrow- no spells needed!). Hermione just huffed at Lavender and said, "Well we have to do something! I can't...I can't deal with this right now. My wedding is," Hermione paused with a sob, "my wedding is, was, I don't know, next month! Apparently I was love potioned! You were love potioned! And we hated each other like raging bitches all the while being friends. I can't. I'm going to go insane and maybe start attacking everything if I don't...if I start...if we...if Ron..."
Lavender pulled Hermione towards her to give her a hug and just held as Hermione wrapped her arms around Lavender and sobbed in her shoulder. She clung just as tightly to Hermione. She didn't want to think about it either. She didn't think she'd ever want to think about it. But, she would. She would for Hermione. Her friend. Her friend who she could appreciate without thinking those awful hateful thoughts. She could remember how often Hermione visited her at St. Mungos, how Hermione how found those spells, had taught her non-verbal spellwork, and even given her the foundations of non-verbal wandless spells to practice just in case she was ever in danger again. Hermione had tirelessly gone over the spells, the theory, the everything for months and months (with her mother tutted disapprovingly in the corner), all the while with that encouraging happy smile (because of Ron-her mind would whisper) that Lavender had despised her for. Lavender could at last not hate Hermione. After four years of loathing her guts, Lavender was just relieved.
Hermione. Her friend.
They hugged it out standing up, finally sat down on the sofa and cuddled. Hermione talked through her tears, with her mind going a mile a minute, asked Lavender question after question, and then answered them herself, answers that had led Lavender to her own conclusions.
"We were potioned at the same time, right? If we hadn't been, we would have noticed each other's bizarre behavior and asked some questions. What was Parvati and Fay doing? Didn't they...of course they noticed, those fucking...They probably thought you were just boy crazy but with an actual boyfriend, and that I, that I was acting like a "real girl" for once. Well, fuck them; they are definitely uninvited to my wedding!...
"...It's nice to know why I was acting so crazy. I was so jealous, I seethed. I'm so glad I didn't hurt you, that you didn't hurt me. We could have really, I only had 6 months of jealous rage towards you. You had what, four years. I would have never of lasted that long without cursing you. And on top of that, Ron wasn't yours...just the thought of not being with Ron feels me with dread; my magic feels like it's knotting itself inside me...What did you do? Really? Nothing? Oh. Ron and I weren't together until...until Battle of Hogwarts. But you didn't do anything even after you woke up and I taught you those non-verbal pain curses. Damn...
"...I can't believe I cheated in Quidditch for Ron. I confunded Cormac McLaggen in the Keeper Tryouts. I know Harry knew what I did, but he never said anything. Well, no, he did say something but I just ignore him. I think went to that awful Christmas Party with Cormac to make Ron jealous. I didn't care he was your boyfriend! I just wanted Ron. This is the worst. I've acted so..."
Lavender rubbed Hermione's back and stroke her hair. Just letting Hermione's voice go on and on, rambling like she had back in their dorm after figuring out a particular puzzle that day. Parvati and Fay would spell the curtains to their beds quiet but Lavender would lay on her bed and just listen as Hermione talked about magic. It was a nightly tradition that Hermione had begun at the beginning of their career at Hogwarts, just to be able to talk out loud and pretend people were listening; it wasn't until Halloween, that Harry and Ron had become friends with Hermione, that Hermione had stopped finishing her talks with a nightly cry. Lavender always regretted not being friends with Hermione earlier, for not jumping into Hermione's bed and giving Hermione a hug like she was now. Lavender was positive that listening to Hermione's recollections of what she learned that day was how Lavender had gotten such good marks in Charms and Potions, not the highest in the class mind you, but good marks. Neville was responsible for her marks in Herbology and Harry, Defense Against Dark Arts, of course. Astronomy though, that was all her.
As Hermione's voice lapsed. Lavender wrote to her, "How can we dispell the potion on you?"
"I don't know," Hermione whispered after awhile, her voice broken by small hiccups ever so often. "We weren't potioned with Amortentia or any other common love potion. You said in your letter you were getting a magical purification. Clearly it wasn't just any love potion in your system, in my system. It subverted our thoughts and only the closest to us would have recognized an immediate change. It changed our magic even. Our magic gave us pleasure as we loved Ron, the more intimate, the more pleasurable; our magic was triggered by Ron's responses.
"I could try brewing a Love Potion Antidote or a Hate Potion, but I doubt it would be enough it break its hold over me. There was a dark element to the potion we were given- it was for you and still is for me, mind alternating like the Imperio Curse. It's very advance and possibly ritualistic. Not just any potioneer would have been about to brew this.
"Love potions are often action based. You may act and say you love someone, but you don't actually love that person, it's just a powerful infatuation... Hector Dagworth-Granger theorized there would never be elixir created to control and create love. But there was. You, you truly loved Ron. I, I really love Ron." Hermione finished speaking, her voice almost gone but speaking calmly.
Lavender contemplated her friend's words. "Mind Healer?" wrote Lavender. Hermione nodded.
They had said all they needed to say, so they just cuddled some more, taking comfort. This was the longest amount of time Lavender had been in contact with someone, not a Healer in years. Even her mother would stay her distance. "Darling, why are you out of bed? No, no touching, what has gotten into you? Are you feeling well? I know, you can sit over here by the window and look outside. It's a beautiful day, isn't it? I'm going out visit Lady Blythe. Be a good girl and go back to bed when you feel better." Lavender thought she could use the services of a Mind Healer as well. Perhaps her Healer would have some recommendations.
Eventually, they both sat up. "Cake? I have samples in the kitchen," Hermione offered lightly. "Ron will be home in an hour or so."
"Are you sure that is wise?" Ribbons quickly wrote out. "You wish to stay? To talk to him?"
Hermione looked at the pictures on the wall and then down at her ring and back to Lavender. "Yes. I'm sure. We need to talk to Ron. Perhaps even with our wands. You managed to survive with Ron breaking up with you. I, my magic can handle the same." Hermione got up and patted down her clothes. "Shall we?" She gestured to the kitchen. Lavender stood up as well and headed to the kitchen. Maybe they could even take a walk outside while they waited for Ron to come home, she was more than ready to go outside and just stroll around, scars and all.
OoO
Part Four:
When Ron came home, Lavender and Hermione were settled in the sofa in Hermione's living room once more talking about Lavender's crush on her Healer, eating cake. Hermione had been happy for the distraction and Lavender just wanted to talk about someone whom she actually liked, with whom she had the choice to like, with whom she had been ignorant of her liking while potioned. It was so comforting to have a conversation that didn't revolve around her disfigurement, or worse, a nervous conversation being conducted to avoid talking about it. Plus, Healer Fitzworth was particularly gorgeous.
When Ron came through the floo, giving a greeting, "Hermione, I'm home!" Hermione stilled. As Ron looked at Lavender in puzzlement before also greeting her, Lavender set down her cake and Hermione's, and took out her wand to write, "Hello Ron. Hermione and I need to talk to you. Would you sit down?"
"Hermione? Is everything okay? Lavender? I don't. I don't understand." Ron fumbled for words as he came forward to sit in front of them. He reached out to touch Hermione, but when she flinched, he pulled back. "Hermione? Love? What's going on? You're starting to alarm me. Hermione, tell me what's going on? Please? Are you all right?" Ron asked, getting more and more worried by the second. He turned to Lavender when Hermione just sat there, looking at him. "Lavender? Why is Hermione looking at me that that?" Please tell me what's going on."
Lavender put an arm around Hermione before writing to her, "Do you want me to?"
Hermione shook her head. Hermione took a steadying breath before releasing it to speak. "Ron," she stopped. She shook her head to ward off tears before continuing. "I've been potioned. Love potioned."
Ron asked quickly, his voice almost sighing with relief, "To who? Do you know who did it? How long ago? Have you brewed the antidote? It's going to be okay honey. Don't worry about this, I won't...anything you do, I won't take it seriously until you are love potion free. After I was love potioned by Romilda Vane, Slughorn brewed me an antidote and I was right as rain. He even said even if I hadn't taken the antidote it would have worn off after a few hours."
"Ron! It's not okay. It's not going to be okay!' Hermione shouted at him, getting angry over how blasé Ron was reacting. She exploded, "It was to you! I was potioned to love you! You want to know how long it's been? It's been FOUR YEARS! I've been poitioned to love you for FOUR FUCKING YEARS! LAVENDER TOO! Lavender isn't potioned anymore but I am. I'm still. I'm still POTIONED to love you! Don't you get it?"
Ron looked faint, like he had be smack by a troll. "What?" he croaked out, utterly shocked. "What? I don't understand. Hermione? What? You've been potioned to love..," he took a few
breaths. "You've been potioned to love me? Did I, did I hear that right?" He looked at Hermione beseechingly before looking at Lavender, his breaths coming in fast as he started to list to the side. "Hermione, please tell me this isn't true! Please..."
"I think Ron needs a Calming Draught," wrote Lavender. Noticing Hermione was moving to touch Ron, to reassure him, she wrote some more. "Hermione! Go get a Calming Draught. Don't touch him. I know you want to comfort him but you can't. Go get Calming Draught. Go. Now!" She made Hermione stand up and gave her a slight push away from Ron. Hermione hesitated, clearly wanting to reach out towards Ron. Lavender stood up and moved in front of Ron, who had groan, reading the words Lavender had written, breathing even more quickly and heavily and starting to clutch his heart. Lavender waited, looking at Hermione until she stopped looking at Ron, until she turned and went for her potions kit in the kitchen, until Hermione was out of the room. Then she turned to Ron and cast relaxing spells, the spells she had been taught to cast on herself when she talked to panic about not being about to move her body.
"Ron, look at me. Look at me Ron," ribbons wrote in front Ron's face. Lavender reached out and laid her had on Ron's shoulder, giving it a shake. "Ron! Look at me and relax. Hermione is getting a Calming Draught. She'll be back any moment. Just look at me and let my spells relax you. Come on and look at me." Ron no longer grasping at his heart, raised his head and looked at her, tears forming in his eyes along with a question. "Yes, Ron. Yes." Lavender wrote and Ron looked back down devastated and broke down.
Lavender kept her hand on Ron's shoulder taken back by his reaction, his response. He hadn't known. Ron hadn't known at all. And because of that, she could give him comfort instead of blasting him into that way of pictures of him and Hermione happy together. Pictures showing a happy in love couple, a couple who looked like they had been happily married for years. Looking at those pictures Lavender thought about how she had imagined Ron and her as a couple. They had never gotten as far as sex, but she at least had been heading there that Christmas before he broke up with her. Lavender had given him that necklace saying "My Sweetheart" thinking about how they could have a summer wedding, be married for 7th year, be married with a baby on its way...She had never stopped thinking about her and Ron's children, the children she had continued to believe they would have, the children she knew would never happen three days ago. This was so fucked up.
Lavender looked down at Ron before looking for Hermione. She was there in the door way, vial in hand, arms wrapped around herself, staring at Ron, with a look of love, of sorrow, of disbelief and of denial. "Still love potioned?" Lavender wrote. Hermione nodded and cast her own ribbons to write, "I can feel...his heartbreak...My magic, it's encouraging me to make him believe this was a lie, a horrible prank, something to make the pain, his pain go away..." Hermione's ribbons started to dissipate before one last thought was written. "...he didn't know..." With that, Hermione walked to Ron and Lavender tapped her wand to spell the potion into Ron.
Lavender and Hermione waited for the potion to calm Ron down. Lavender levitated him to the sofa, added a second chair and sat down and waited for Hermione to sit down as well. She did, pulling out another Calming Draught and downing it herself. She looked at Lavender who just slipped her arm around Hermione again before both turning to Ron.
Ron's breathing fully turned to normal but kept his head down, hugging his knees to his body. "I knew it," Ron whispered.
"What?" wrote Lavender with Hermione echoing it out loud.
"Why else would you love me?" asked Ron. "Why would you love me?" he repeated, his voice steady but loud in its bitterness.
Lavender couldn't think of anything to say, Hermione was in an equal predicament.
"I was a horrible person. I was mean to you. I belittled you. I used you. You were a better friend to me than I ever was to you. I was jealous of everything and hateful of how smart you were Hermione and how popular Harry was and of your friendship. I didn't care that you worked so hard to do well in school, or that it was because Harry's parents died and he didn't that he was popular. I was jealous and awful. Just an awful person. I walked out when you and Harry needed me the most. I left you both in that cold miserable tent with part of Voldemort's soul leeching from us. I have never, never forgiven myself." Ron took a deep breath and then looked at Hermione.
"When you kissed me, in the Chamber of Secrets, I promised myself I would be by your side no matter what. It was a chance I didn't think I would ever have with you and I promised myself I would squander it, that I would never squander you. I promised myself I would never leave you and Harry ever again. Never again. I promised myself that if we won, if we survived, I would be the man that you deserved. I would be strong and hardworking and there for you, always.That I would stand by you, stand with you, as you fought battles of inequality or whatever you thought was worth your time...to be the man you didn't need, but the man you'd want with you for the rest of your life." Ron broke off, agony and heartbreak in his face. He just looked at Hermione, letting her understand, hoping she would.
Ron continued after a moment, "I've always like you. Even when acting like a idiot, I've liked you. I loved you by fifth year, I loved you like a friend. I loved you because you were a better friend to Harry than I ever was or could be and I loved Harry too. But...I feel in love with you after the war, after we started dating, after I grew up." Ron stopped, still looking at Hermione.
Hermione brought her hand to lips and trembled. Ron asked Lavender a question, eyes unwavering from Hermione's. "Four years? Did I hear that right?" Lavender miserably nodded, unable to lie, not about this, not about what had happen to her and Hermione. Ron turned away, almost able to think about that meant. Looking at those damned pictures, he resumed, "I feel in love with you, Hermione. But it was a potioned you. And you never had a choice. Oh god!"
Ron turned to look at both of them now, "how could it be a Love Potion? Love Potions are just infatuation spells! Like what I felt for Romilda. George sells them at his shop. They are't this. Not this Hermione. Not this."
Hermione brought her hand down and reached out to him; Lavender did the same with her other hand. They held Ron's hands. All of them reeling from the revelations.
"And you were potioned too?" asked Ron to Lavender, addressing that part of Hermione's shouting for the first time. "Oh my god. Why Why did they do this? Who...who did this? How? How did they do this? It was our Sixth Year. You were only 16 years old."
"We don't know," wrote Lavender. "We were hoping you did. This isn't just any love potion, Ron. It was dark."
Ron shuddered and squeezed both of their hands, "I'm so sorry. I am so fucking sorry. Lavender...you were my first girlfriend, my first kiss. And Hermione, you're the love of my life. The woman I intended to marry. I'm so sorry."
Hermione jerked her hand away from Ron's. "You're not going to marry me? Don't you love me?"
"Yes, I love you. But you are not you. How can I marry you knowing that you are under the influence. You probably don't even love me. Not to marry me and have those kids we were planning." Ron choked out shaking his head and reaching for Hermione's hand again. "You're potioned. It's not real." He turned to Lavender, "how did you break the hold? If it was dark magic, how did you overcome the potion?"
Lavender wrote, "Purification potion induced coma. We think Hermione could break it seeing a Mind Healer. It was dark magic, Ron. It will take time to remove. It had settled completely in my body, in my mind and magic. You broke up with me but I never broke up with you."
"I love you so much Ron," Hermione stated. "I know. I know. It might not be love. But it is. I..I believe that I've been potioned...I just don't want to believe. I just want to be with you. I love you. Can I just be with you?" pleaded Hermione.
"No. Hermione. No." answered Ron, not wanting to ever have said that to Hermione, to the woman he loved. "I love you. I do. I just cannot believe you when you say you love me back. But I made that promise Hermione. I made that promise and I will stand by it. I will stand with you, always. And if after you've been healed, you still love me, and you still want to get married, then I will be right there with you. I will marry you that day. But not now. Not when you can't honestly say that you love me, potion free." Ron concluded, looking at Hermione again, letting her understand once more, that he would have her back, "if it comes down to you not loving me once you're better, I'm still going to be there, right there with you, but as your friend. I'm going to be your friend no matter what. Even if you don't want to be mine in the end."
Lavender looked at Ron and forgave him. He really was an awful person, he broke up with her, she felt like she wanted to die. She hadn't been able to get over him and she hated the fact that he didn't want her. Lavender had gone into a tailspin of misery that had latest over three years. Looking at this man before her, she didn't see the boy she was potioned to love, but she did she the good man he had become. And it hurt. It hurt to see person who loved someone with all his heart, broken. Three lives fucked up, she wondered how many more lives would be ruined.
Continued (2/2)