Comments | bekahbabe06: Guilty Pleasure

bekahbabe06

Guilty Pleasure

Nov 16, 2012 18:51

Title: Guilty Pleasure
Fandom: Pitch Perfect
Characters: Beca/Chloe
Word Count: 768
Summary: Beca has a secret
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: These characters sadly don’t belong to me. No copyright infringement intended.

( Click me to read! )

pitch perfect, femslash, oneshot, fanfic, fic

Comments 2

meggygurl November 18 2012, 04:42:41 UTC

This was super cute!

My only constructive note is perhaps more lead up to a kiss? It's fun banter, one line of hinting at more, and suddenly kissing. So, if you don't mind a bit of feedback besides "CUTE!" that is what mine would be. I love the slow burning build. You've got the show the crescendo. :)

bekahbabe06 November 18 2012, 09:11:04 UTC

I totally get what you're saying and I love you all that much more for being awesome enough to GIVE me any constructive criticism!

What I had in my head but never could quite get right how to convey it was that Chloe was flattered and all "Awww" and (in true boundary-less fashion) her response was the kiss... It was written even more abruptly at one point. I tried to smooth it out some, but, meh. Not my best work but I'm slowly trying to get rid of the cobwebs.