Crackfic the 2nd.
Just as a forewarning, this completely and utterly ridiculous.
The first thing Yunho heard when he woke up that morning was a torrent of pebbles assaulting the already-cracked window of his second-floor bedroom, then a voice yelling, "IT'S 10:30 WAKE UP YOU LAZY BASTARD."
"What the fuck?" Yunho mumbled intelligently as he stumbled out of bed and made his way to the window. He groggily peered out and felt a wave of dread instantly course throughout the whole of his being when he identified the person glaring back up at him from the front yard. Warily, he opened the window and just barely avoided being hit by another pebble.
"Jae?"
Yunho's boyfriend (ex-boyfriend now, Yunho reminded himself) smirked in acknowledgment, though the look of rage never left his eyes. There was a very large cardboard box next to his feet and Yunho couldn't help but feel a little terrified as he wondered of its contents. "Surprised to see me, asshole?"
"...Yes?" Yunho answered, confused. Jaejoong had taken it pretty well when he told him that he "needed to think things through" and that they should "maybe take a break" the night before. Maybe too well, Yunho thought and eyed the box again.
"Sorry for dropping by so suddenly, Yunho dear, but I was not yet quite finished with our conversation yesterday."
"...You weren't?"
"No. In fact, I feel as if my views on the issue were left completely unstated."
Yunho gulped. This was not looking good. "Don't you want to come inside the house, Joongie? I can make you coffee," he pleaded.
Jaejoong's face fell at the sound of his pet name and Yunho knew that all pretenses would be dropped right then and there. "Don't you 'Joongie' me! Do you really think you can win me back that easily? Do you think you can lure me in with coffee after breaking my heart?"
"Jaejoong, what are you talking about? I'm not trying to lure you into doing anything! I don't want to win you back, I'm just-" Yunho belatedly realized what he said and clapped a hand over his mouth.
Jaejoong's eyes widened and he seemed to stop breathing for a moment. His face dropped to the ground and he bit his lip in an effort to keep himself from screaming out every obscenity and making every foul gesture he could think of. His shoulders rose and fell in a perfect rhythm as he sought to control his breathing.
"Oh," he straightened up and returned to glaring at his ex, "Oh. Right. Why would you want me back when I'm... what was the word you used yesterday? Unstable?"
"I meant unstable in the commitment sense," Yunho lied, though he knew it was hopeless. The neighbors were already starting to notice the commotion; from the corner of his eyes, he could see Yoochun's stupid, grinning face watching the two of them from his now-open window in the building next to him.
"That wasn't the only word you used to describe me!" Jaejoong snapped, paying no mind to his growing audience, "I believe you also said that I'm flighty an-and..." He looked like he would pop a blood vessel just at the memory of it, "And that I'm too high-maintenance for your budget! Well if I'm that much of a burden, then you can just have all of your shit back!"
Jaejoong ripped open the flaps of the box beside him and begun throwing its contents onto the ground in front of him. "Here's the Bambi plushie you gave me that matches with the one in your room and here's the Gucci wallet that you got me for Christmas since I'm so fucking high maintenance and here's the cologne that I didn't even want but that I pretended to like just to make you happy, you inconsiderate bastard!"
When it came to Jaejoong, there was a point and time when it was better to just agree with everything he said and Yunho knew that that time had come. "You're right, Jae, I was being totally inconsiderate."
"And here's the coat you got me as a late birthday present since you were too much of a dumbass to give me the gift on time!"
"I was being a dumbass, wasn't I?"
"And here's the CDs I borrowed from your collection that all sucked anyway!"
"Yeah, those CDs do suck."
"And since all of this is worthless to us now, I figure I may as well just burn it all."
"I agree, you should just bur-wait, what?"
Jaejoong took out a lighter from his pocket and knelt next to the neat pile of memories gathered in front of him.
"Jae, you can't start a fire on my lawn-"
He clicked the lighter once.
"-a fire that big might spread to my house-"
He clicked the lighter twice and a cheerful little flame appeared.
"Arson is a crime!" Yunho reasoned helplessly as Jaejoong dropped the lighter onto the broken bottle of cologne, the little flame turning into a gigantic bonfire in a matter of seconds. Feeling that his mission was accomplished, Jaejoong dusted off his hands and hummed to himself as he smugly made his way off the premises.
"Oh and one more thing," Jaejoong turned on his heel and looked back at his gaping ex one last time, "I lied when I said that you were the best lay I ever had. I've done better!"
Yunho felt like dying as he heard Yoochun whoop with laughter. "Thanks for the entertainment, Jae!" Yoochun called at Jaejoong's retreating back.
Yunho buried his face into his hands and blocked out the image of his entire lawn being quickly engulfed by orange. "This fucking blows," Yunho muttered.
He didn't know what was more humiliating, his whole neighborhood seeing his lawn being burned down by his ex or his whole neighborhood finding out that he ended up crawling back to that same ex a month later.
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A/N: Working on Overture now! Promise! :D
The first thing Yunho heard when he woke up that morning was a torrent of pebbles assaulting the already-cracked window of his second-floor bedroom, then a voice yelling, "IT'S 10:30 WAKE UP YOU LAZY BASTARD."
"What the fuck?" Yunho mumbled intelligently as he stumbled out of bed and made his way to the window. He groggily peered out and felt a wave of dread instantly course throughout the whole of his being when he identified the person glaring back up at him from the front yard. Warily, he opened the window and just barely avoided being hit by another pebble.
"Jae?"
Yunho's boyfriend (ex-boyfriend now, Yunho reminded himself) smirked in acknowledgment, though the look of rage never left his eyes. There was a very large cardboard box next to his feet and Yunho couldn't help but feel a little terrified as he wondered of its contents. "Surprised to see me, asshole?"
"...Yes?" Yunho answered, confused. Jaejoong had taken it pretty well when he told him that he "needed to think things through" and that they should "maybe take a break" the night before. Maybe too well, Yunho thought and eyed the box again.
"Sorry for dropping by so suddenly, Yunho dear, but I was not yet quite finished with our conversation yesterday."
"...You weren't?"
"No. In fact, I feel as if my views on the issue were left completely unstated."
Yunho gulped. This was not looking good. "Don't you want to come inside the house, Joongie? I can make you coffee," he pleaded.
Jaejoong's face fell at the sound of his pet name and Yunho knew that all pretenses would be dropped right then and there. "Don't you 'Joongie' me! Do you really think you can win me back that easily? Do you think you can lure me in with coffee after breaking my heart?"
"Jaejoong, what are you talking about? I'm not trying to lure you into doing anything! I don't want to win you back, I'm just-" Yunho belatedly realized what he said and clapped a hand over his mouth.
Jaejoong's eyes widened and he seemed to stop breathing for a moment. His face dropped to the ground and he bit his lip in an effort to keep himself from screaming out every obscenity and making every foul gesture he could think of. His shoulders rose and fell in a perfect rhythm as he sought to control his breathing.
"Oh," he straightened up and returned to glaring at his ex, "Oh. Right. Why would you want me back when I'm... what was the word you used yesterday? Unstable?"
"I meant unstable in the commitment sense," Yunho lied, though he knew it was hopeless. The neighbors were already starting to notice the commotion; from the corner of his eyes, he could see Yoochun's stupid, grinning face watching the two of them from his now-open window in the building next to him.
"That wasn't the only word you used to describe me!" Jaejoong snapped, paying no mind to his growing audience, "I believe you also said that I'm flighty an-and..." He looked like he would pop a blood vessel just at the memory of it, "And that I'm too high-maintenance for your budget! Well if I'm that much of a burden, then you can just have all of your shit back!"
Jaejoong ripped open the flaps of the box beside him and begun throwing its contents onto the ground in front of him. "Here's the Bambi plushie you gave me that matches with the one in your room and here's the Gucci wallet that you got me for Christmas since I'm so fucking high maintenance and here's the cologne that I didn't even want but that I pretended to like just to make you happy, you inconsiderate bastard!"
When it came to Jaejoong, there was a point and time when it was better to just agree with everything he said and Yunho knew that that time had come. "You're right, Jae, I was being totally inconsiderate."
"And here's the coat you got me as a late birthday present since you were too much of a dumbass to give me the gift on time!"
"I was being a dumbass, wasn't I?"
"And here's the CDs I borrowed from your collection that all sucked anyway!"
"Yeah, those CDs do suck."
"And since all of this is worthless to us now, I figure I may as well just burn it all."
"I agree, you should just bur-wait, what?"
Jaejoong took out a lighter from his pocket and knelt next to the neat pile of memories gathered in front of him.
"Jae, you can't start a fire on my lawn-"
He clicked the lighter once.
"-a fire that big might spread to my house-"
He clicked the lighter twice and a cheerful little flame appeared.
"Arson is a crime!" Yunho reasoned helplessly as Jaejoong dropped the lighter onto the broken bottle of cologne, the little flame turning into a gigantic bonfire in a matter of seconds. Feeling that his mission was accomplished, Jaejoong dusted off his hands and hummed to himself as he smugly made his way off the premises.
"Oh and one more thing," Jaejoong turned on his heel and looked back at his gaping ex one last time, "I lied when I said that you were the best lay I ever had. I've done better!"
Yunho felt like dying as he heard Yoochun whoop with laughter. "Thanks for the entertainment, Jae!" Yoochun called at Jaejoong's retreating back.
Yunho buried his face into his hands and blocked out the image of his entire lawn being quickly engulfed by orange. "This fucking blows," Yunho muttered.
He didn't know what was more humiliating, his whole neighborhood seeing his lawn being burned down by his ex or his whole neighborhood finding out that he ended up crawling back to that same ex a month later.
----------------------------
A/N: Working on Overture now! Promise! :D