your needle and your damage done--
Because it was too long to put in an IM...
Dear Kate,
I've held off on confronting you about this for a variety of reasons: your eating disorder, my hopes that things would change, my hatred for confrontation, and my reluctance to say anything at all. But I think I've put this off long enough.
I know you're going through a really rough time. I know you've changed because of it, though I can't say any of the changes have been for the better. But the fact that you're having issues is no excuse for the way you've behaved towards me. We used to be best friends, and we used to hang out almost every weekend if possible. We've had so much fun -- The Game, going to Vermont, going to the beach, etc, Avenged Sevenfold shows -- but that doesn't change the fact that for a year, ever since you became anorexic and perhaps a little before then, this has been a one-sided relationship. I can't remember the last time you called or IMed me first and spoke for more than one or two minutes. I perpetuate and initiate all contact, all conversation. I arrange everything we do together, and even when I do initiate something, you don't ask your parents and you never call me back. I have to call you repeatedly to remind you that I need to know what we're doing, if anything.
I remember clearly one time when I asked you on Wednesday if you could hang out that Saturday. Saturday morning, half an hour before we were supposed to get together, you still hadn't called and so I had to do it myself. I told you repeatedly that I needed to know what we were doing, because I wanted to hang out with Jen if you couldn't. When I finally got a hold of you, you told me that you couldn't do it, and by that time, Jen had already made plans.
You leave me hanging; you don't even make an effort to keep a conversation going, not even when we're talking in person. You sit in front of the TV and throw fits about dinner and leave me alone with your parents downstairs in a situation that is more awkward than you can even imagine. You've lost your ability to make me feel welcome; you don't try anymore. Not with the friendship, not with anything.
I want to still be friends with you. But I can't be friends with someone who makes no effort at all. Jen's taken over that spot of best friend, because you threw it away without even knowing. We've known each other for nearly fourteen years, and that's one of the reasons I'm so reluctant to end the friendship. I don't want to do it, but you express no interest in continuing this relationship, and whether you realise it or not, you're just throwing it away, and honestly, I feel like it's already at the end of its rope.
I used to worry about what would happen when we got to college. I used to worry that we'd lose touch, that we wouldn't be friends anymore. But you're a different person now, and since you've effectively cut me out of your life, it's not even an issue anymore.
This is your last and only chance. I'm not going to strain myself to keep up a friendship that no longer functions. I'm not going to put myself in positions that make me feel extremely uncomfortable and bend over backwards for you. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of it, and I deserve better. Anyone does.
So if you want to end the friendship, fine. There's hardly anything of it remaining on your end, anyway, so I hardly think it will be difficult for you. If you want to continue being friends, I'm more than happy to do so, but if it ends up like it's been for the past year -- more stressful than fun, one-sided on my end, with little to no input or contact from you -- then I'm going to put my foot down and let fourteen years go out the window, as hard as that will be.
I don't feel good about this. I put this off because I know you're having issues. But you know what? This isn't about your anorexia. It's not about whether you eat or whether you don't eat, because frankly, that's not my business nor my problem. It's about the relationship that you and I have now, the relationship we have had, and the relationship we may or may not have in the future.
This needed to be said, and I'm sorry that it's coming at a time where it might cause more problems for you. But after a year of treating me like nothing at your disposal, I think it's about time I said something.
Now I have. I'm sorry it's not in person, but I'm not sure I could have had the courage to say this to your face. So forgive me for that, if nothing else.
Sincerely,
Me.
Comments disabled.
Dear Kate,
I've held off on confronting you about this for a variety of reasons: your eating disorder, my hopes that things would change, my hatred for confrontation, and my reluctance to say anything at all. But I think I've put this off long enough.
I know you're going through a really rough time. I know you've changed because of it, though I can't say any of the changes have been for the better. But the fact that you're having issues is no excuse for the way you've behaved towards me. We used to be best friends, and we used to hang out almost every weekend if possible. We've had so much fun -- The Game, going to Vermont, going to the beach, etc, Avenged Sevenfold shows -- but that doesn't change the fact that for a year, ever since you became anorexic and perhaps a little before then, this has been a one-sided relationship. I can't remember the last time you called or IMed me first and spoke for more than one or two minutes. I perpetuate and initiate all contact, all conversation. I arrange everything we do together, and even when I do initiate something, you don't ask your parents and you never call me back. I have to call you repeatedly to remind you that I need to know what we're doing, if anything.
I remember clearly one time when I asked you on Wednesday if you could hang out that Saturday. Saturday morning, half an hour before we were supposed to get together, you still hadn't called and so I had to do it myself. I told you repeatedly that I needed to know what we were doing, because I wanted to hang out with Jen if you couldn't. When I finally got a hold of you, you told me that you couldn't do it, and by that time, Jen had already made plans.
You leave me hanging; you don't even make an effort to keep a conversation going, not even when we're talking in person. You sit in front of the TV and throw fits about dinner and leave me alone with your parents downstairs in a situation that is more awkward than you can even imagine. You've lost your ability to make me feel welcome; you don't try anymore. Not with the friendship, not with anything.
I want to still be friends with you. But I can't be friends with someone who makes no effort at all. Jen's taken over that spot of best friend, because you threw it away without even knowing. We've known each other for nearly fourteen years, and that's one of the reasons I'm so reluctant to end the friendship. I don't want to do it, but you express no interest in continuing this relationship, and whether you realise it or not, you're just throwing it away, and honestly, I feel like it's already at the end of its rope.
I used to worry about what would happen when we got to college. I used to worry that we'd lose touch, that we wouldn't be friends anymore. But you're a different person now, and since you've effectively cut me out of your life, it's not even an issue anymore.
This is your last and only chance. I'm not going to strain myself to keep up a friendship that no longer functions. I'm not going to put myself in positions that make me feel extremely uncomfortable and bend over backwards for you. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of it, and I deserve better. Anyone does.
So if you want to end the friendship, fine. There's hardly anything of it remaining on your end, anyway, so I hardly think it will be difficult for you. If you want to continue being friends, I'm more than happy to do so, but if it ends up like it's been for the past year -- more stressful than fun, one-sided on my end, with little to no input or contact from you -- then I'm going to put my foot down and let fourteen years go out the window, as hard as that will be.
I don't feel good about this. I put this off because I know you're having issues. But you know what? This isn't about your anorexia. It's not about whether you eat or whether you don't eat, because frankly, that's not my business nor my problem. It's about the relationship that you and I have now, the relationship we have had, and the relationship we may or may not have in the future.
This needed to be said, and I'm sorry that it's coming at a time where it might cause more problems for you. But after a year of treating me like nothing at your disposal, I think it's about time I said something.
Now I have. I'm sorry it's not in person, but I'm not sure I could have had the courage to say this to your face. So forgive me for that, if nothing else.
Sincerely,
Me.
Comments disabled.