Goodbye
Title: Goodbye
Pairing: Tao/Suho
Word Count: 656w
Rating: PG
Warning: canon au, angsty?
Summary: Sometimes all you can do is say goodbye.
A/N: i finally watched Taemin's "Sayonara Hitori" and read the lyrics and got sad sutao feels ok.
http://lyricstranslate.com/en/さよならひとり-sayonara-hitori-single-goodbye.html
“I've always want to wrap myself up with you,
If we're walking closely like this,
The current us,
Each has our own tomorrow.”
Junmyeon knew that eventually, one day, Zitao would have to leave. It was an inevitable outcome. EXO couldn't last forever.
This is too soon though. This is something that could've been prevented if only management had paid attention, listened, cared.
Junmyeon dealt with his fellow leader leaving right before their first solo concert. He dealt with Luhan leaving, as well. However, the last person he expected, wanted, to leave was doing just that and he was powerless.
What made it worse was that Zitao didn't really wantto leave. He still wanted to stay with Junmyeon and EXO.
Junmyeon is selfish. He understands why it happened. However, he's not really as concerned as he should be about how it'll affect EXO and their fans. No. No, he's more worried about how it'll affect him. How he'll no longer be able to pull Zitao into a hug whenever he feels like it. How he'll no longer have Zitao’s presence wrapped around him, closing out the world, when the pressure is just too much. How it might be a long while before he’ll even be near Zitao. In the same room, breathing the same air as him, something that Junmyeon had taken for granted after EXO-M came back to Korea to stay.
He knew about it before the fans did. He knew about it before the other members, even Sehun, because Zitao called him crying. Sobbing out apology after apology. Wanting Junmyeon to understand, needing him to understand that even if he leaves, he still loves him. Wanting Junmyeon to forgive him for disappointing him by not just toughingit out.
Junmyeon cried too. He cried because Zitao had never disappointed him and he understands, he understands why Zitao is leaving. He wants Zitao to be healthy and happy. Something that Zitao has been struggling with lately. Junmyeon knows his love can only do so much. It doesn't hurt that his love wasn't enough, because he getsit. He can't fix Zitao’s body or mind. So even though it hurts so god damn much to lose a piece of his heart, he supports Zitao’s final decision. His letter to Zitao is just another painful memory of how powerless he is and how much it hurts that he can't stay by Zitao’s side as he gets better.
Junmyeon can't hide how much it hurts around the people he's been living with for years. They silently comfort him through the beginning. It's not the end of the world and Zitao still messages him.
It's not the same though. It's not the same.
Their messages slowly dwindle. Like a creek drying out and the small flow of water squeezing its way through rocks. They're both just so busy. Junmyeon with EXO and Zitao with his own activities. Zitao will message Junmyeon his music videos excitedly. He doesn’t have to seeing as Junmyeon keeps an eye out and watches them before Zitao gets around to messaging him. Junmyeon doesn't say that though. He feeds Zitao’s excitement like he used to do. Praises him for his hardwork and talent, because he knows, knew, Zitao is so, so talented. His heart aches to be there in the crowd when Zitao holds his concerts. He wants to be there too, singing along with Zitao like the fans do, and watching Zitao shine like he was always meant to.
Junmyeon wishes he could still press kisses of praise into Zitao’s skin. Wants nothing more than to whisper soft murmurs of love and affection. It's an impossible feat now. A bittersweet ache in his heart, the tips of his fingers, and his lips.
Zitao is moving forward, growing, and being free. Junmyeon, too, is moving forward and growing. Maybe someday their paths will cross again, Junmyeon hopes, dreams, prays.
For now.
For now, Junmyeon says goodbye.