Say You're Mine (J2, NC-17) 5/7
“Don’t be stupid, you don’t hate your life,” Jared tells Jensen, holding the door of his building open.
“I really do,” Jensen says, squinting at the bright light outside. “I hate a lot of things right now. Chris. Steve. Sunlight. Hangovers. You, for dragging me out into the sun after Chris and Steve gave me a raging hangover.”
“You don’t have a hangover.”
Jensen gives him a look that’s clearly meant to say how dare you use logic against me this early in the morning? “Oh, really?”
“A hangover is what you had Saturday morning,” Jared explains, pulling Jensen down the sidewalk. “You know, after you drank enough to drown a whale. That’s what kept you miserable and in bed most of yesterday. What you have today, on the other hand, is called a case of crankiness.”
Jensen scowls. “Yeah, well, it’s well-earned.”
“I think the jury’s still out on that one,” Jared replies. “After all, you never did tell me exactly why you felt the need to consume half the city’s alcohol in one night.”
Jensen mumbles something.
“What?”
“I made some bad decisions.”
“Well, yeah,” Jared says. “I think that’s kind of obvious.”
“No, I mean - separate from the stupid decisions that led me to outdrink the entire bar. Well, sort of related. Except in the past. It’s - “
Jensen waves a hand limply. “Never mind.”
As far as explanations go, it’s less than stellar. But as far as recent Jensen behavior goes, it’s right on target. Which is why Jared showed up at Jensen’s apartment this morning and dragged him out in the first place - because Jensen muttering things and giving crap explanations and just generally being less than cheerful has become all too common lately. And while Jared still isn’t certain what’s behind Jensen’s recent moodiness, he does know that as Jensen’s friend, he’s morally obligated to do whatever he can to help. And, since he has a guaranteed mood-lifter due to arrive in twenty minutes (two of them, actually) all he has to do is get Jensen within range.
Jensen, however, is not thrilled with this plan, if his bitching and moaning are anything to go by. But since Jared didn’t actually tell him what the plan is - he mostly just barged into Jensen’s apartment, threw open the shades, stepped over Chris and Steve and hauled Jensen out of bed before shoving him in the shower - Jensen might just be pissed about the fact that Jared is currently taking him on a pointless, dozen-block walk.
But Jared doesn’t want to spoil the surprise, so he waits until they’re almost to the door of his apartment building before he gently steers Jensen toward the curb, where a familiar car is parked. When Jensen protests, demanding to know what’s going on, Jared just motions to the two people climbing out of the car. “Jensen, meet my parents.”
Jensen’s face does a hilarious little flicker between shock and panic, but before he can settle on an emotion, Jared’s moving on. “Mom, Dad, Jensen.” And then he’s opening the back door of the car and grabbing the leashes of the two dogs that jump out. “And,” he says, thrusting the leashes into Jensen’s hands, “meet Sadie and Harley.”
Jensen blinks down at the two giant dogs sniffing like crazy at his legs. “Uh, Jared, what the - “
But Jared’s not giving him time to adjust. “Sadie, Harley,” he says quickly. “Want to go to the park?”
Their ears perk up at the sound of their favorite phrase, and Jensen barely has time to say, “Park? What park?” before Jared leans down, meets the dogs’ eyes, and says firmly, “Park. Go.”
It’s a good thing the park is right next to his building, because the dogs don’t hesitate for a second. As soon as the words leave Jared’s mouth they’re off like a shot, and Jensen - poor, helpless, still-hungover Jensen - is dragged behind them.
And a long, boring car ride must make for a lot of pent-up energy, because by the time Jared has quickly hugged his parents hello and run off into the park after his dogs and the crazy guy trying to land-waterski behind them, Jensen is no longer being dragged. In fact, he’s no longer upright. When Jared finds him, he’s spread-eagled out on his back next to a park bench, breathing hard, with both dogs licking his neck and face with abandon as they wag their tails. Jensen’s also laughing, which proves Jared’s theory once again that no one can spend more than five minutes with his dogs and stay angry/sad/upset. It’s just not possible to keep from cracking a smile around two huge dogs that will fight valiantly over a dirty sock one second and try to climb in your lap the next.
But it’s also not humanly possible to withstand the onslaught of two very large, affectionate dogs for more than a few minutes, so Jared finally steps in and pulls Harley and Sadie off Jensen before they suffocate him with love. “Come on, guys, let poor Uncle Jensen breathe. He already had one shower this morning, I don’t think he needs another quite yet.”
“I don’t know about that,” Jensen says as he sits up, wiping a string of slobber off his shoulder gingerly. “I think all the positive effects of that shower have already been cancelled out.”
“Nah,” Jared says. “You’re still awake, aren’t you? And you don’t smell like a human keg anymore.”
“Yeah, now I smell like dog drool. Big improvement.”
Jared shrugs. “You just need to dry out a little bit.” He pulls a beat-up tennis ball out of his pocket, backing away as the dogs immediately begin jumping up and down with excitement. “Come on, a couple of rounds of dodgeball and you’ll be good as new.”
“What’s wrong with fetch?” Jensen demands plaintively.
But telling ruins half the fun, so Jared goes with showing, and chucks the ball at Jensen’s head. The dogs immediately pounce, and by the time Jared’s wrestled the ball away from Harley after a spirited game of chase, Jensen’s standing in just the right position to get pelted again, starting the whole game over.
By the time it’s finally over (or, well, they’re all too exhausted to care exactly where the tennis ball ended up, and they’re sprawled on the grass in one collective heap, panting and sweaty)Jensen’s no longer complaining - he’s dirty and grass-stained and breathing hard, but there’s finally color in his cheeks, and even when he closes his eyes against the sun, his face is relaxed in a way it hasn’t been lately. He looks content.
“Hey,” Jared says, when the dogs recover and get up to sniff around the park bench.
Jensen turns his head. “Mm?”
“I just wanted to say thanks for Friday night.”
Jensen frowns. “Friday? I remember less than half of the night, so you’re going to have to be more specific.”
“For hanging out with Michael all night,” Jared clarifies. “I was busy all night herding Mike away from potential disasters, but Michael still had a good time.”
“Oh,” Jensen says, facing the sky. “Uh. I didn’t really do anything.”
“You did,” Jared insists. “It was a show with your friends, and you were the only person Michael really knew. It would have been easy for him to be totally left out, but he wasn’t.” He takes a deep breath, savoring the way the cool air feels filling his lungs. “I know things between us haven’t always been the greatest, and it means a lot to me that you made him feel welcome.”
Jensen doesn’t say anything, so Jared flops onto his side, so he can see him. “You’re a good friend.”
Jensen snorts. “I’m really not.”
“What are you talking about? You totally are.”
“I’m not,” Jensen says again. “Jared - “
“You’re here, aren’t you?” Jared asks. “You didn’t want to come, but when I asked you dragged yourself out of bed.”
“Actually, you dragged me out of bed,” Jensen points out. “You’re giving me too much credit.”
“You still could have said no,” Jared persists. “You could have punched me or locked yourself in the bathroom.”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “Okay, so I could have drowned myself in the shower instead of coming. The fact that I didn’t doesn’t make me a great friend.”
“But the fact that you entertained my boyfriend all night on Friday does,” Jared reminds him. “And so does the fact that you let me drag you out here, and that you spent half an hour chasing my dogs around a park in the cold.”
Jensen groans. “Just - don’t mention the Michael thing, okay?”
“Why?” It was nice of Jensen to do it. Jared has no idea why you wouldn’t want to be reminded of your own good deeds in the name of friendship.
“Because I’m going to say something that I - “ Jensen exhales, a cloud of white in the chilly air. “Never mind.”
Jared really wants to know what Jensen might say, but his goal today was to make Jensen feel better, not to pick at whatever’s bothering him. “Okay,” he says instead, propping himself up on his elbows to check on the dogs. They’re over at the other end of the park, where his parents are slowly meandering over, so that’s fine.
“Thanks again for coming today,” he says. “I know you weren’t feeling the greatest, but it’s kind of impossible to manage the dogs with just one person.”
Jensen snorts. “Yeah, I kind of noticed that.” He tries to move a little, then groans and flops back down. “And if I’m a good friend, then you’re a crappy one. You couldn’t pick any of our other, less hungover and less morning-challenged friends to help you herd the beasts?”
“And miss seeing you stumble around the park like a crotchety old man?” Jared grins. “Where’s the fun in that?”
“I hate you,” Jensen mutters. “I hope you know that.”
“You were actually my only hope,” Jared tells him. “Allie and Adrianne were busy with wedding stuff, and Mike was getting his monthly manscaping done.”
“Mike gets monthly manscaping? Wait - oh, god,” Jensen says with a shudder. “I just pictured more of Mike’s body hair than I ever wanted to think about.”
“I hear he gets fun shapes,” Jared says, just to watch Jensen twitch. It’s too easy. “Anyway, Mike and waxing aside, Michael wanted to come, but he had to work. So you were really my only choice.”
“Thanks, I feel so special.” Jensen’s quiet for a moment, absently rubbing cold fingers together. “Michael had to work? On a Sunday?”
“Yeah, he had some urgent deadline,” Jared says. “He really wanted to see the dogs, so he was pretty bummed.”
“Really.”
Jensen does that thing again, where he’s silent for a long moment and it’s clear that he’s thinking something that he’s not saying.
Jared’s pretty prone to saying whatever he’s thinking right as he’s thinking it, so he’s not so familiar with this process of actually thinking through one’s words before letting them come galloping out of one’s mouth, but he’s had enough experience with Jensen to know that it can’t be forced - he has to wait for Jensen to choose the right words on his own.
It takes a good five minutes, but sure enough, just when Jared’s given up on the conversation and lapsed into a daydream about the house he’s going to have someday with a huge yard for the dogs to run around in, Jensen finally speaks.
“Jared,” he says. “Are you sure that Michael is really the - “
But that’s all the further he gets, because his cell phone picks that moment to go off. It’s obnoxiously loud, and playing some kind of one-hit wonder song ten years out of date that Jared vaguely recognizes, and Jensen jumps like he’s been scalded, turning a brilliant scarlet as he hunts through his pocket for the phone. When he finally finds it and silences it, he glares at the caller id before stuffing it back into his sweatshirt pocket, muttering about fucking Chris and fucking Steve and fucking assholes who know what’s best for him better than he does.
“Problems?” Jared asks mildly.
Jensen scowls. “I wish one person I know would actually trust me enough to run my own damned life.”
Jared laughs. “I’ve kind of given up on that. Allie and Adrianne do a way better job of making decisions for me than I do for myself.” He pauses. “But I do the opposite of whatever Mike tells me. I guess it makes a difference if you trust the person’s judgment.”
“Yeah,” Jensen says absently. His phone chirps again, this time with a text, and he glances down quickly to read it before shoving it away again. He takes a deep breath, like he’s coming to a decision, then sits all the way up. “Hey, Jared.”
“Yeah?”
“Can I - I need to ask you something. And I need you to be honest with me.”
“Sure,” Jared says, puzzled. What would he lie to Jensen about?
Jensen tucks the tips of his fingers inside his sweatshirt sleeves, curling his hands into fists. “Are - do you. Um. Are you sure that Michael is really the person you - that you should be with?”
It takes Jared a second to absorb the question, and then a few more to figure out why Jensen would be asking him that in the first place.
Jensen, maybe sensing his confusion, rushes on. “Because it seems like maybe - I don’t know, he’s said a couple of things that - “
But now Jared finally gets it. “Jensen,” he cuts him off, “Stop.”
Jensen halts mid-word, watching him carefully.
And Jared can’t stop the grin that spreads over his face. “Yeah,” he says, “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m really happy with him.”
Jensen’s face changes, almost imperceptibly. “You are?”
“Yeah,” Jared says. “He’s great. We’re great.” He leans over and nudges Jensen with his shoulder. “Thanks for asking, though. It means a lot to me that you’re looking out for me like that.”
And it really does. It hurt like hell when he wasn’t what Jensen wanted, and Jared honestly wasn’t sure this “just friends” thing was going to work out, but now he’s more grateful for Jensen’s friendship than he ever could have imagined. Hell, he was hoping Michael would be the one here today, meeting his parents and playing with his dogs, but thanks to Jensen, Jared hasn’t even missed Michael’s absence all day.
“You really are a good friend, you know,” he tells Jensen, dragging himself to his feet as his parents and the dogs get nearer.
Jensen follows suit, but he doesn’t quite meet Jared’s eyes. “Yeah, sure.”
*
Love is extremely overrated. It’s messy and complicated and, most important of all, it radically decreases your chances of getting laid. This is why Mike has absolutely no interest in it.
It’s all soul-searching and staring deeply into each other’s eyes and having some mystical connection and all that other bullshit Hallmark tries to feed you, and Mike? Mike would much rather be having fun than analyzing his deepest feelings or worrying about his connection with anyone. He’s not a faulty wire, for fuck’s sake. He’s a guy that enjoys a little drinking, a little flirting, and a lot of sex.
It’s all one big game - devising a strategy, lining up his moves, taking a risk - and waiting for the girl to make her move is the best part. It’s always an adventure. But once you’ve won, once you’ve slipped past someone else’s defenses and taken the board, there’s nothing left to do. The board’s empty, there aren’t any moves left. Boring. (Allie and Adrianne are kind of an exception, because they’re in love and they still have tons of sex, but Mike still doesn’t really get the whole hold-hands-and-cuddle junk. He mostly just wants to watch Allie and Adrianne go at it, because they’re hot.)
And Mike can’t change anyone’s feelings or convert the world to his way of thinking, but there’s one thing he can do.
Which is why he and Jensen are sitting at the bar, a line of empty shot glasses in front of them, and Mike’s telling Jensen exactly what he has going for him while he’s eyeing a couple of guys near the front door who look like possibilities.
“Wait a minute,” Jensen says, interrupting his pep talk. “Is this - are you trying to make me feel better?” He looks bewildered by the very idea.
“No,” Mike says, rolling his eyes.
“Then why are you telling me that I’m a nice guy and not that bad to look at?” Jensen’s eyes suddenly go round. “Are you - is this your totally demented way of hitting on me?”
“Jensen, please,” Mike says, rolling his eyes. “If I was hitting on you, you’d know. You’d be wondering why you were even more attracted to me than usual.”
“I’m never attracted to you,” Jensen says.
“Because I never hit on you,” Mike says. “Come on, keep up here.” Mike’s seen Spiderman, he knows the whole speech about great power coming with great responsibility. He wouldn’t use his charm on someone like Jensen, where he has no intention of following through. That would just be mean.
“Whatever,” Jensen says. “I just figured maybe you sucked at hitting on guys.”
“Please. I don’t suck at hitting on anyone.” Even inanimate objects have a hard time resisting his charm. Mike knows, because sometimes he gets friendly and a little confused while drunk.
Jensen snorts, then makes a cough that sounds suspiciously like “Genevieve.”
“Dude,” Mike says.
Jensen spreads his hands. “What?”
“I’m going out of my way to get you laid here, and that’s how you repay me? You’re throwing that in my face right now? Which, let’s be clear, was totally a fluke.”
“Oh,” Jensen says. “You’re trying to get me laid?”
“Obviously!” If Jensen’s usually this slow about potential sex, it’s no wonder he totally failed to land Jared.
“Well, um,” Jensen says. “That’s really nice of you, I guess? But not necessary. Thanks, though.”
“Jensen, we are getting you laid,” Mike tells him. “I’m going to put all my considerable effort behind your pathetic effort, and together we are going to land you a hot dude who’s going to make you forget all about Jared. Are you ready to do this?”
“No,” Jensen says. “One million times no. I appreciate the effort, but this is not a good idea.”
“Come on, why not?” Mike demands. “Look, Jared is an awesome guy - he’s my best friend and all - but we can find you someone even more awesome here tonight.” He looks around the bar. “Or we can get you drunk enough to think you did, anyway.”
Jensen winces. “Yeah. I’m just not sure drunken sex with a stranger is the best idea at this point. That’s what got me into this whole mess in the first place.”
“So maybe it can get you out.”
“Or maybe it can get me into an even bigger mess. Besides, I’m not really - “ Jensen sighs. “I don’t think I’m in the right state of mind to do this.”
Mike’s not sure exactly what that means, but he’s pretty sure how to fix it. “Luckily, my friend, we are in a bar. We can change that.” He pats Jensen on the arm, then signals the bartender. “More shots, please!”
*
Unfortunately, “drunk off his ass” is apparently not the right state for Jensen to get laid, either. Mike learns this after two more rounds of shots, when Jensen clings onto him like a boa constrictor and says, “I only want Jared. Mike. I only want to have sex with Jared.”
“That’s wonderful, Jensen,” Mike says, trying gently to detach him. “But unfortunately, he’s taken. Why don’t you choose one of the other fine men in this establishment?”
Jensen doesn’t even look, just grips Mike’s arm tighter. “Don’t want them. Just Jared.”
Mike sighs. This is the worst night ever. Not only is he not getting laid (because let’s face it, checking out guys across the bar all night isn’t really doing much for his game), he’s not getting laid while being whined at by a drunk Jensen.
And then Jensen goes and makes it even worse.
“God, he’s hot,” Jensen moans, slumping forward to let his head rest against the bar. “Should’ve definitely fucked him. Or let him fuck me.”
“Okay, no more shots for you,” Mike says, pushing the glasses out of Jensen’s reach. Damn maudlin drunks, taking all the fun out of drinking.
“Or at least sucked him off,” Jensen says. “Totally wanted to. God, his cock is - “
“Okay!” Mike says hastily. “You win, okay? I’ll let you go home right now - by yourself - if you just stop telling me things about Jared that I really don’t want to know.”
“Mm, don’t wanna go home,” Jensen mumbles into the bar. “Wanna stay here.” His eyes slide shut. “Right here.”
Mike still has no idea how Jensen is roughly five times drunker than he is, since they’ve been drinking at about the same pace, but being sober right now seems really fucking unfair. “Okay, come on, buddy,” he says, hauling Jensen up by his arm. “We have to get you a cab so you can get home.” He drops some bills on the bar, then half-walks and half-drags Jensen toward the exit.
One of the guys he was scoping out for Jensen gives him a wink as they leave, and Mike really just does not appreciate that kind of irony, not on a cruel, cockblocked night like tonight. And then when they find a cab and pile in together (because Jensen’s clearly too far gone to make it on his own, which is still baffling), Jensen giggles and says, “Hey, now I found someone to take home with me! Your plan worked!”
The cabbie gives them an interested glance in the rearview mirror (which is great, because Jensen is currently using Mike as his very own pillow), and that, Mike decides, is it. From here on out, he gives up on trying to help Jared and Jensen do the smart thing and move on. If they want to make themselves miserable, he’s just going to let them.
Or, well, help them. Because it’s pretty clear at this point that they’re both too ridiculously hung up on each other to be with anyone else. Jared’s got Michael, yeah, but it’s an infatuation at best. He still looks at Jensen when he thinks no one’s looking, and if Jensen made a move, Mike’s pretty sure Jared would drop Michael in a heartbeat. Not that Jensen will - he’s sworn them all to secrecy. But that doesn’t mean Mike can’t give a hint here or a nudge there. He just has to be a little subtle.
It’s still going to suck, because it leaves him without anyone to pick up girls with, but Jared was never that great of a wing man in the first place, and Jensen has monogamy issues. But in the name of friendship, Mike supposes he has to try.
*
Since Adrianne and Allie are both girls and have most of the same friends (and are both brides), it doesn’t make sense to have a bridal shower for one of them and not the other, so instead they throw a joint party and leave the whole shower thing out of it. That way, the girls get to open presents and eat food and hang out with friends, but they don’t have to wrap anyone up in a wedding dress made of toilet paper or play pin-the-bowtie on the half-naked cardboard hunk. Jared feels everyone wins in this situation.
Especially him, because Adrianne made her famous triple-chocolate cookies, which are so laden with chocolate that they barely stay together, turning into a gooey mess in your palm. Jared thinks they may be the best things he’s ever eaten. Adrianne’s an amazing baker when she wants to be, but she mostly only does it when she’s nervous or anxious about something. Which kind of works out - when Jared and Allie wake up to the scent of something decadent baking, they know they need to sit Adrianne down and figure out what’s wrong. They also know that they’re going to get a delicious treat while they do it. It’s a good balance.
And she can occasionally be coerced into baking while she’s not freaking out about something, with the right application of pleading and puppy dog eyes, which is why Jared’s in the middle of eating his fifth cookie and coming dangerously close to chocolate nirvana when Michael finds him.
“Hey,” Michael says.
“Mmmf,” Jared replies, waving with his non-chocolately hand.
Michael grins and leans up, catching Jared’s chin in his hand as he gives him a light kiss. When he pulls back, he licks his lips. “You had chocolate on your lip,” he explains.
Jared mind flashes back to the last time that happened to him, when it was him doing the licking and the mess was on Jensen’s lips. He brushes it aside. “So you only kissed me because I tasted good? Not because I’m irresistible?”
Michael steals a chunk of cookie and pops it into his mouth, grinning. “Well. That, too. The chocolate was just an added bonus.”
He goes for another piece of cookie, but Jared beats him to it, breaking off a gooey hunk and holding it out for him to take. Michael’s eyes darken, and he wraps his tongue around Jared’s sugary fingers, cleaning them a little more enthusiastically than strictly necessary. Jared has to take a deep breath and remind himself that jumping Michael is not allowed in public places, and definitely not at parties in honor of his friends.
Michael’s car downstairs, however? Totally fair game. Jared’s just about to grab Michael’s hand and drag him down there when Michael’s cell phone goes off and he makes the face that means it’s work and he has to take it.
He gives Jared an apologetic look, then goes out into the hallway to answer. He’s only gone long enough for Jared to scoop the rest of the gooey chocolate of his cookie into his mouth before Genevieve comes over.
“Hey,” she says. “Where’s Number One?”
She’s taken to calling both the Michaels in their life by numbers - Cassidy’s Number One, and Rosenbaum’s Number Two. It drives Mike nuts - which is why Jared suspects she does it - so he takes a kind of perverse glee in it. “Taking a phone call.”
“Ah,” she says, turning to the dessert selection. “I thought he might have run off after Grandma gave Allie and Adrianne the joys-of-married-sex lecture.” She pops a bite of lemon square in her mouth. “Wouldn’t have blamed him.”
“Yeah, that was pretty terrifying,” Jared admits. Cute little old ladies with white hair shouldn’t be able to say the things she did with a straight face. It’s just not right. “But I don’t think we’ve scared him off yet.”
She nods. “So everything’s still good with you two?”
“Yeah,” Jared says. “Yeah, we’re great.”
They really are. Jared had almost given up on finding the perfect guy, after everything with Jensen and all his failed attempts at speed-dating and internet dating and plain old dating. But Michael is everything he could possibly want in a man - smart, funny, handsome, nice, awesome in bed - and everything with him has just been so easy. They fit together, they have plenty to talk about, they never fight, they have great sex - there’s really nothing that doesn’t work.
“Oh,” Gen says. “Well, that’s good. I’m glad the crazy family hasn’t driven him away.”
“Nah, after hanging out with all of my friends, I think Michael’s pretty immune to the crazy.”
She smiles. “Good for him. Well, I promised Jensen I’d report back on the dessert situation - apparently he’s on standby to run out and grab more cookies if need be - so I’d better let him know he’s off the hook.” She waves at Jared, grabs a toffee bar, and crosses the room
to where Jensen’s helping organize presents.
Jared has just enough time to trawl the table for a rice krispie bar before Michael comes back. There’s an odd look on his face. “Hey, um,” he says. “I need to talk to you.”
“Okay…?”
“Somewhere other than here.”
Jared lets Michael pull him out into the hallway and shut the door. “What’s up?”
“That was work calling,” Michael says. “Specifically, the head of our division. He had an offer for me.”
“Like a promotion?” Jared asks.
“No,” Michael says slowly. “Like a better job. They offered me a new job with more responsibilities.”
“Wow, that’s great!” Jared says. “Congratulations, man!”
“Yeah, thanks,” Michael says, accepting Jared’s hug. “The only thing is, it’s in DC.”
“DC?” Jared repeats. “Like, Washington DC?”
“Yeah, like The District of Columbia.”
“Oh,” Jared says, leaning back against the wall. “Wow. That’s - wow. Are you going to take it?”
“I don’t know,” Michael replies. “I mean, it’s an amazing opportunity. I’d love this job, and I’d be good at it. But that’s a big change, you know?”
“Yeah,” Jared says. He knows. “Yeah, it is.”
“And I know this is totally sudden, and I don’t expect any kind of answer right now, but I need to ask you something,” Michael goes on. “I was thinking that it’d be really awesome if you came with.”
“Came with?” Jared asks blankly. “You mean - “
“If you came to DC, too.”
Jared’s mouth drops open, but Michael holds up his hands to forestall a reply. “Just think about it, okay? That’s all I’m asking. Just
consider coming with me. Can you do that?”
Jared thinks he probably looks like a fish, the way his mouth keeps moving with nothing coming out, but that’s the way Michael’s announcement makes him feel - like a fish washed ashore. “Um,” he says, finally. “Uh, yeah. I guess I can think about it?”
Michael doesn’t seem to mind that it comes out as a question. “Thank you.” He leans in and kisses Jared quickly, then glances at his watch. “Hey, sorry to run, but I have to go figure a bunch of stuff out if I’m going to have an answer for my boss soon. See you later?”
“Yeah, sure,” Jared says. “No problem.”
And as he watches Michael rush down the hallway, he wonders exactly what he just got himself into.
*
He’s still wondering that an hour later, after all the guests have gone home and Allie and Adrianne have been sent out on a walk so that Jared, Jensen, Mike and Genevieve can take care of the cleanup. Did he really agree to think about moving to DC?
It was a big enough change to move to New York, coming from Texas. Not that he doesn’t like New York - he loves it. But he thought about it and planned it a long time before doing it. He knew that his friends and a job would be waiting for him there. He doesn’t know that about DC. Well, he knows Michael will be there, but that’s not the same thing. Should it be?
Jared needs to talk to someone about this. Allie and Adrianne would be best, since they’ve known him forever, but they’re out. Mike and Genevieve are bickering over organizing the presents. That leaves Jensen, so Jared sets down his trash bag of wrapping paper and says, “Hey, Jensen, can I talk to you?”
Jensen looks up from the pile of dishes he’s doing battle with. “Right now?”
“Yeah,” Jared says, coming into the kitchen and leaning up against the counter. “Something happened, and I need to tell someone before I go crazy.”
“Um, sure,” Jensen says, switching off the water. “What’s up?”
“Michael got a job offer in DC.”
Jensen goes completely still. “Really.”
“Yeah. They called during the shower.”
“Is he taking it?”
“He doesn’t know yet, but I think he will,” Jared says. “It sounds like a really awesome opportunity.”
“So he’s going to be moving away.”
“Yeah, probably. The crazy thing is, he asked me to go with him.”
Jensen drops a plate into the sink with a loud splash. “What?”
“Yeah, I know. Well, technically, he asked me to think about going with him. But, yeah.”
“You’re not,” Jensen says. “Right? I mean, that’s crazy. You’re not actually thinking about going.”
“Well, actually…”
“Jared!”
“I know! It’s totally crazy, but I think I’m actually thinking about it.”
“Picking up your entire life and moving to Washington DC? For a guy that you’ve known, what - a few weeks?”
“Two months,” Jared corrects absently. “But yeah. I don’t know, it just seems like maybe I should. Michael is - he’s awesome. And things between us are so good. I just feel like it might be a good thing to see where this could go, and I can’t do that when we’re not even living in the same city.”
“Yeah, but your friends are here,” Jensen points out. “Your job is here. Your entire life is here. You can’t just give that up.”
“I’m not giving it up, exactly,” Jared says. “Just…moving it around a little bit.”
Jensen looks at him like he’s just announced that he’ll be headlining a cabaret show off Broadway. “You’re not serious.”
“I am.”
Jensen shakes his head and scrapes viciously at a dish before dumping it into the sink for rinsing.
“I take it you don’t think this is such a good idea.”
Jensen just gives him a look, scrubbing a plate roughly.
“Look, I know it’s kind of spontaneous and all, but - “
“Kind of?” Jensen finally puts down the dishes and turns to face him. “Try totally and completely. Jared, you love your job. And you’re not even licensed to teach in DC. You’d have to put teaching on hold until you could get a license, and even then, there’s no guarantee that you’d find another job like the one you have now. Which, let me remind you, you absolutely and totally love.”
“I know, but - “
“And where are you going to live? You’re going to move in with this guy that you’ve known for two months and plan a happily ever after? Come on, Jared, wake up.”
And okay, Jared may not be putting the most logical plan on the table here, but that’s no excuse for the amount of hostility Jensen’s bringing to this conversation.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Jared asks.
“It’s just - it bothers me. How much you’re changing for this guy. It’s always Michael likes this or Michael’s all about that. You don’t even see it, but you’re rearranging your whole life for him.”
Jared folds his arms across his chest. “I’m not, actually. But even if I were, that would be kind of funny. You didn’t seem to care when I was doing it for you.”
“I never asked you to give up your friends and your job and your entire life for me!” Jensen sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Jared, someone who really loves you wouldn’t do that.”
Jared thought he’d finally gotten to the point where Jensen’s rejection of him didn’t hurt anymore, but apparently he was wrong. “So now Michael doesn’t love me?”
“That’s not- I don’t know,” Jensen says, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m just saying, if he - “
“Because, you know,” Jared interrupts. “Just because you don’t? It doesn’t mean that no one can.”
Jensen drops his hand and stares. “What?”
“You didn’t want me. So excuse me if I don’t see where the hell you get off being bothered right now. You had your chance, and you didn’t want it. So now that someone else finally does, you need to just shut the fuck up and let me be happy!” He doesn’t mean to, but his voice escalates as he goes on, gathering steam, and the final word echoes throughout the kitchen.
“That’s what I’m trying to do!” Jensen yells back. “Why the hell do you think I haven’t - “
“Haven’t what?”
Jensen opens his mouth to reply, but right then the apartment door slams open, and he hears Allie say, “What the hell is going on? We could hear the yelling from the stairs.”
And instead of whatever he was going to say, Jensen growls, “Godfuckingdammit,” and swipes at a mug sitting on the draining board. It flies across the room to shatter against the wall, and before Jared can even figure out what’s going on, Jensen’s storming out of the kitchen and the apartment.
The door slams behind him, and the apartment’s completely silent for a long moment. Jared isn’t sure what the hell to feel - he’s still angry, but now he’s also confused and freaked out by Jensen’s mood swing. He’s still staring at the shards of ceramic on the floor when Mike and Gen poke wide-eyed faces around the corner.
“What the hell just happened?” Mike asks, following his gaze to the broken mug.
“Jensen and I had a fight.”
“Yeah, the screaming and shouting kind of filled us in,” Genevieve says. “But why? What got him so upset?”
“Yeah,” Adrianne echoes, coming around the corner with Allie. “What the hell is going on?”
Jared sighs. “Michael’s moving to Washington DC. He asked me to go with him. Jensen freaked out.”
“Okay, no,” Allie says. “Not the See Spot Run version. The War and Peace version. Complete with explanations, motivations, and possibly reenactment of key moments. Go.”
Jared has no idea what Jensen’s motivation for getting so angry was, which is kind of the main problem in a nutshell, but he does his best to recreate the argument for them. He thinks he should probably feel justified, going over what he said and why he said it, since he still thinks he was right, but instead it just makes him even more miserable that he and Jensen were yelling at each other in the first place. They’re supposed to be friends now - they’re supposed to be past the stupid crap where they hurt each other like this.
And it doesn’t look like his friends are going to be much help. Their faces go steadily more blank as his explanation goes on, and by the time he’s finished, no one’s looking at him - they’re too busy exchanging glances.
“You said what to him?” Adrianne asks flatly after he’s done. “ Jesus, Jared.”
“What?” Jared demands. “I didn’t say anything worse than he did.”
But Allie and Adrianne aren’t even paying attention to him - they’re deciding who’s going to go after Jensen. Which is ironic, because Jensen? Is not trying to figure out what to do about his boyfriend moving several states away. Jensen’s not the one who could use some advice right now.
But when he tries to hint that the person who needs some good solid friend time is right here in the apartment, Jared’s immediately shot down.
“Jared, I love you, but right now you’re being a dick,” Adrianne tells him. “You don’t even know how much of a dick you’re being, so you get a little slack there, and I can’t tell you why, but just trust me when I say that you need to give Jensen some space here.”
“What? Why?” Jared demands. They’re making it sound like something horrible is going on with Jensen, and if that’s the case, Jared should definitely be in the know.
“He’s just - “ Allie starts, but before she can even get a verb or adjective in, Adrianne’s saying sharply, “Allie,” and Allie closes her mouth, giving Jared a helpless look.
“Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?” Jared asks. If Jensen’s lost his job or gotten a terminal diagnosis or something, Jared doesn’t care about the details, he just wants to know if he can do something to help.
There’s another round of looks exchanged, and Jared doesn’t miss the fact that this time it includes Mike and Genevieve.
Finally, Adrianne sighs. “He’ll live,” she says shortly. “That’s all I can say.” When Jared opens his mouth, she shakes her head. “Don’t ask me more, Jared. That’s not fair.”
And it still doesn’t make it any clearer to Jared what’s going on with Jensen, but Adrianne is right. It’s not fair to ask her more if Jensen’s specifically asked her not to tell.
It’s eventually decided that Adrianne’s going to be the one to go after Jensen, and she leaves shortly after. Mike and Genevieve both make excuses to go home, and Allie waves them off after thanking them for an awesome shower.
Which, of course, makes Jared feel guilty. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your shower with all this.”
“Don’t be silly, you’re not.” She wanders over to the sink and pulls out a pair of rubber gloves, picking up washing the dishes where Jensen left off.
“Here, let me do that,” Jared says.
“No, I want to,” Allie says, picking up a plate. “If you could pick up the broken mug, though, that would be good.” She sighs. “It’s a good thing we put lots of coffee mugs on our registry.”
Jared grabs the broom and dustpan out of the closet and starts sweeping. He tries thinking the entire situation through again, looking for an angle where he’s being a jerk, but he just can’t find it. By the time he’s got the whole mess swept up, he’s just worked himself up to angry again.
“What’s his problem?” he asks Allie, dumping the broken pieces into the garbage with more force than strictly necessary. “ I mean, where does he get off telling me what my relationship with Michael should be like? He doesn’t know jack about actual serious relationships, but here he is giving me advice like he’s goddamn Dr. Phil.”
“Jared, he’s just trying to do what he thinks is best for you.”
“Like he’d know that.”
“Well, he - “ She stops, pressing her lips firmly together. “Never mind.”
“He what?”
“Nothing, just - “ Allie cuts herself off again with a frustrated noise. “Look, you should just talk to Jensen about this.”
Jared laughs. “Uh, kinda tried that already?” He motions to the broom. “Didn’t work out so well.”
“Just give him a chance to tell you what’s going on with him,” Allie persists. “I think it would help. A lot.”
“It would help if I had any idea what kind of trouble he’s in.”
“He’s sort of - things are - oh, for god’s sake,” Allie says, throwing up her hands. “Never mind. Boys. If you could just talk to each other once in a while, you wouldn’t get in these stupid messes.”
Jared’s about to roll his eyes and remind her how many fights he’s mediated where she and Adrianne totally failed to communicate, but that’s not what’s the most important thing here. The important thing is that Allie knows whatever’s going on with Jensen. And Jared knows Allie. All the half-sentences and almost-slips and her attempts to cover them with subject changes mean she’s trying hard to keep the secret, but she’s close to cracking.
“You know, it would really help if you could just give me a clue,” Jared says.
“No,” Allie says immediately. “Jared, I can’t.”
“Just a hint,” Jared cajoles. “Just a little, tiny harmless little hint.”
Allie starts to open her mouth, then slams it shut. “Adrianne will kill me.”
“But maybe this is one of the situations where someone asks you to keep a secret, but you shouldn’t,” Jared suggests. “Maybe it’s actually better for Jensen if I know what’s going on.” He follows it up with his best you-can-trust-me-I’m-innocent-and-adorable eyes.
Allie smacks him with a soapy hand. “Jared Padalecki, don’t you dare use that face on me.” She closes her eyes, chanting to herself. “I am Fort Knox. I am Fort Knox. I am Fort Knox.”
“Allie, please, can’t you just - “
“If tell you, Adrianne will never speak to me again,” Allie says. “Or possibly just withhold sex. And I love you, you know I do, but I am not sacrificing my fiancée or my awesome sex life for this.” She opens her eyes and turns to Jared. “And you. If you don’t stop using your powers for evil, I’m going to call your mother.”
And since that threat is not in any way empty (because Jared’s mom both knows and adores Allie, and would totally give Allie license to punish Jared for her if Allie said he was being mean), Jared gives up and turns back to helping with the dishes. He’ll just have to let it go.
*
Except that he totally doesn’t. Jared can’t help it - that’s just not how he works. Once he knows that there’s something going on with Jensen, he can’t un-know it, and he can’t stop thinking about it. He tries to distract himself with other things - which, considering that Michael’s taking the job in DC means that they have just under two weeks to pack up his entire apartment and have as much sex as possible before he leaves, is pretty damn distracting - but even in the middle of labeling boxes and crossing the kitchen counter off his mental list of “Places left to defile in Michael’s apartment,” Jared finds himself going back to the argument and picking it apart in his head, trying to figure it out from a new angle.
And since Jensen’s still pissed at Jared (or, at least, not answering any of Jared’s calls or texts), that leaves the rest of his friends as potential sources of information.
Jared goes for Mike first, because - well, because it’s Mike. The guy has nothing even approaching scruples. It doesn’t seem that unlikely that he’ll spill. But apparently Mike is one loyal son of a bitch (or Jensen’s holding some kind of awesome blackmail material) because even after Jared gets him totally and completely drunk, the only thing he uncovers is Mike’s secret ambition to open his own sculpture garden with naked people laying around as art. “It would be a peaceful kind of nudity, Jared,” Mike tells him, eyes failing to focus. “Just a place to enjoy nature…in nature. To be at one with the universe and nakedness.”
“Aren’t you basically describing a nudist colony?” Jared asks.
“Yeah, but they let anyone into those,” Mike replies. “I’d be very selective about my garden. And I’d sell popcorn.”
“You are seriously warped,” Jared tells him.
Next, he tries Adrianne. He figures he can win her over with a beautifully-crafted logical argument, but he’s barely started laying out his basic premise before she starts poking holes in his assumptions. By the time he actually gets to what he was trying to convince her, he’s turned around and backwards and proving her point instead of his. And then she just grins, pats him on the arm, and sends him home, totally confused. Damn lawyers.
Jared even makes a half-hearted attempt with Genevieve, because it’s clear that she knows what’s going on and she barely knows Jensen, but when she just arches a brow and says, “Sorry, sweetheart, I promised my cousin. Besides, what makes you think you can break me, when Mike’s five thousand far more annoying attempts haven’t worked?” he has to conclude that she has a point. Anyone who can withstand Mike’s constant attempts at come-ons (including his recent favorite, “If you were a laser, you’d be set on ‘stunning’”) and not punch him must be made of something ridiculously strong.
So then, whether she likes it or not, Allie is back to being Jared’s only hope. And when the two weeks run out and Michael leaves for DC (along with a promise from Jared that they’ll try out this long-distance thing), Jared has even less to distract him. Michael’s busy figuring out his new job and a new city, so apart from his occasional rushed phone call, Jared’s mind is free to obsess over his issues with Jensen.
He formulates a plan that includes bribes, chocolate, the much-coveted position of Jared’s Favorite Friend, and even a signed statement that he’ll never tell Adrianne, but it turns out to be unnecessary. Before he can even corner Allie to put his plan into motion, she shows up at his work and says, “Fine, but if I never have sex again, it’s all your fault.”
Her timing could use a little work - Jared happens to be in the middle of teaching thirty sophomores about ancient Sumerian culture, and although he’s pretty sure about ninety percent of them were sleeping through it, strangely enough, they’re all wide awake after that announcement - but thankfully there are only five more minutes left in the day anyway, and the kids value their free time more than gossip about Jared, so he’s able to shuffle them out of the classroom before contributing to Allie’s sexless marriage.
“Okay, so,” she says, after Jared closes the door and makes sure no teenage gossip bloggers are lingering in the hallway, “This probably makes me a terrible friend, but I can’t keep this secret anymore.”
“Okay,” Jared says. “So tell me.”
“It’s not fair!” Allie goes on. “I mean, some people are just not cut out to keep secrets! And the last time I checked? Not lying was a good thing!”
“It’s a very good thing,” Jared assures her. “Honesty’s the best policy and all that. So?”
“Right,” Allie agrees. “So people shouldn’t ask me to do things like this. No one would ask Mike to take a vow of celibacy, right? Because it would end very badly and he would probably explode.”
Jared actually agrees with that statement, although the imagery is slightly disturbing (he doesn’t want to think about just what kind of explosions Mike might have while not getting any), but this is getting out of hand.
“Allie,” he says firmly, taking her gently by the shoulders and meeting her gaze head on. “Just tell me.”
She resists for a second, scrunching up her face and closing her eyes, but then it slips out: “Jensenhasfeelingsforyou.”
Jared blinks. “What?”
Allie lets out a long breath, shoulders sagging under Jared’s hands. “Wow. I feel a lot better now.”
“Jensen has feelings for me?” Jared repeats. “What, like…friendly feelings? Feelings people have for their friends?”
Allie shakes her head. “No. Feelings feelings. Feelings people have for people they care about.”
Oh. Oh. Well, that’s…totally and completely unexpected. Jensen has feelings feelings for Jared? The same ones Jared had pretty badly for him not too long ago? Yeah, that changes the game a bit.
“He didn’t want to tell you,” Allie says quietly.
“Yeah, I kind of got that,” Jared says. “But why?”
“Because you were with Michael,” she says matter-of-factly.
“When did he - I mean, how long has he - ?”
“I don’t know. The first we heard about it was a few weeks after you met Michael.”
“Fuck,” Jared whispers. Allie may be feeling better now, but Jared can honestly claim the opposite. “So this whole time, he’s been - he’s had feelings for me. Fuck,” he says again. “What am I supposed to do?”
Allie shrugs. “I don’t know, Jared. But can I make one suggestion?”
“Always.”
“Think about it, okay? Before you go running to talk to him about it. Think it over and make sure you know what you’re doing.” Her smile has an edge of sadness. “I don’t want either of you to get hurt any more than you have already.”
“Yeah,” Jared says. “Me either.”
*
Part Six
“I really do,” Jensen says, squinting at the bright light outside. “I hate a lot of things right now. Chris. Steve. Sunlight. Hangovers. You, for dragging me out into the sun after Chris and Steve gave me a raging hangover.”
“You don’t have a hangover.”
Jensen gives him a look that’s clearly meant to say how dare you use logic against me this early in the morning? “Oh, really?”
“A hangover is what you had Saturday morning,” Jared explains, pulling Jensen down the sidewalk. “You know, after you drank enough to drown a whale. That’s what kept you miserable and in bed most of yesterday. What you have today, on the other hand, is called a case of crankiness.”
Jensen scowls. “Yeah, well, it’s well-earned.”
“I think the jury’s still out on that one,” Jared replies. “After all, you never did tell me exactly why you felt the need to consume half the city’s alcohol in one night.”
Jensen mumbles something.
“What?”
“I made some bad decisions.”
“Well, yeah,” Jared says. “I think that’s kind of obvious.”
“No, I mean - separate from the stupid decisions that led me to outdrink the entire bar. Well, sort of related. Except in the past. It’s - “
Jensen waves a hand limply. “Never mind.”
As far as explanations go, it’s less than stellar. But as far as recent Jensen behavior goes, it’s right on target. Which is why Jared showed up at Jensen’s apartment this morning and dragged him out in the first place - because Jensen muttering things and giving crap explanations and just generally being less than cheerful has become all too common lately. And while Jared still isn’t certain what’s behind Jensen’s recent moodiness, he does know that as Jensen’s friend, he’s morally obligated to do whatever he can to help. And, since he has a guaranteed mood-lifter due to arrive in twenty minutes (two of them, actually) all he has to do is get Jensen within range.
Jensen, however, is not thrilled with this plan, if his bitching and moaning are anything to go by. But since Jared didn’t actually tell him what the plan is - he mostly just barged into Jensen’s apartment, threw open the shades, stepped over Chris and Steve and hauled Jensen out of bed before shoving him in the shower - Jensen might just be pissed about the fact that Jared is currently taking him on a pointless, dozen-block walk.
But Jared doesn’t want to spoil the surprise, so he waits until they’re almost to the door of his apartment building before he gently steers Jensen toward the curb, where a familiar car is parked. When Jensen protests, demanding to know what’s going on, Jared just motions to the two people climbing out of the car. “Jensen, meet my parents.”
Jensen’s face does a hilarious little flicker between shock and panic, but before he can settle on an emotion, Jared’s moving on. “Mom, Dad, Jensen.” And then he’s opening the back door of the car and grabbing the leashes of the two dogs that jump out. “And,” he says, thrusting the leashes into Jensen’s hands, “meet Sadie and Harley.”
Jensen blinks down at the two giant dogs sniffing like crazy at his legs. “Uh, Jared, what the - “
But Jared’s not giving him time to adjust. “Sadie, Harley,” he says quickly. “Want to go to the park?”
Their ears perk up at the sound of their favorite phrase, and Jensen barely has time to say, “Park? What park?” before Jared leans down, meets the dogs’ eyes, and says firmly, “Park. Go.”
It’s a good thing the park is right next to his building, because the dogs don’t hesitate for a second. As soon as the words leave Jared’s mouth they’re off like a shot, and Jensen - poor, helpless, still-hungover Jensen - is dragged behind them.
And a long, boring car ride must make for a lot of pent-up energy, because by the time Jared has quickly hugged his parents hello and run off into the park after his dogs and the crazy guy trying to land-waterski behind them, Jensen is no longer being dragged. In fact, he’s no longer upright. When Jared finds him, he’s spread-eagled out on his back next to a park bench, breathing hard, with both dogs licking his neck and face with abandon as they wag their tails. Jensen’s also laughing, which proves Jared’s theory once again that no one can spend more than five minutes with his dogs and stay angry/sad/upset. It’s just not possible to keep from cracking a smile around two huge dogs that will fight valiantly over a dirty sock one second and try to climb in your lap the next.
But it’s also not humanly possible to withstand the onslaught of two very large, affectionate dogs for more than a few minutes, so Jared finally steps in and pulls Harley and Sadie off Jensen before they suffocate him with love. “Come on, guys, let poor Uncle Jensen breathe. He already had one shower this morning, I don’t think he needs another quite yet.”
“I don’t know about that,” Jensen says as he sits up, wiping a string of slobber off his shoulder gingerly. “I think all the positive effects of that shower have already been cancelled out.”
“Nah,” Jared says. “You’re still awake, aren’t you? And you don’t smell like a human keg anymore.”
“Yeah, now I smell like dog drool. Big improvement.”
Jared shrugs. “You just need to dry out a little bit.” He pulls a beat-up tennis ball out of his pocket, backing away as the dogs immediately begin jumping up and down with excitement. “Come on, a couple of rounds of dodgeball and you’ll be good as new.”
“What’s wrong with fetch?” Jensen demands plaintively.
But telling ruins half the fun, so Jared goes with showing, and chucks the ball at Jensen’s head. The dogs immediately pounce, and by the time Jared’s wrestled the ball away from Harley after a spirited game of chase, Jensen’s standing in just the right position to get pelted again, starting the whole game over.
By the time it’s finally over (or, well, they’re all too exhausted to care exactly where the tennis ball ended up, and they’re sprawled on the grass in one collective heap, panting and sweaty)Jensen’s no longer complaining - he’s dirty and grass-stained and breathing hard, but there’s finally color in his cheeks, and even when he closes his eyes against the sun, his face is relaxed in a way it hasn’t been lately. He looks content.
“Hey,” Jared says, when the dogs recover and get up to sniff around the park bench.
Jensen turns his head. “Mm?”
“I just wanted to say thanks for Friday night.”
Jensen frowns. “Friday? I remember less than half of the night, so you’re going to have to be more specific.”
“For hanging out with Michael all night,” Jared clarifies. “I was busy all night herding Mike away from potential disasters, but Michael still had a good time.”
“Oh,” Jensen says, facing the sky. “Uh. I didn’t really do anything.”
“You did,” Jared insists. “It was a show with your friends, and you were the only person Michael really knew. It would have been easy for him to be totally left out, but he wasn’t.” He takes a deep breath, savoring the way the cool air feels filling his lungs. “I know things between us haven’t always been the greatest, and it means a lot to me that you made him feel welcome.”
Jensen doesn’t say anything, so Jared flops onto his side, so he can see him. “You’re a good friend.”
Jensen snorts. “I’m really not.”
“What are you talking about? You totally are.”
“I’m not,” Jensen says again. “Jared - “
“You’re here, aren’t you?” Jared asks. “You didn’t want to come, but when I asked you dragged yourself out of bed.”
“Actually, you dragged me out of bed,” Jensen points out. “You’re giving me too much credit.”
“You still could have said no,” Jared persists. “You could have punched me or locked yourself in the bathroom.”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “Okay, so I could have drowned myself in the shower instead of coming. The fact that I didn’t doesn’t make me a great friend.”
“But the fact that you entertained my boyfriend all night on Friday does,” Jared reminds him. “And so does the fact that you let me drag you out here, and that you spent half an hour chasing my dogs around a park in the cold.”
Jensen groans. “Just - don’t mention the Michael thing, okay?”
“Why?” It was nice of Jensen to do it. Jared has no idea why you wouldn’t want to be reminded of your own good deeds in the name of friendship.
“Because I’m going to say something that I - “ Jensen exhales, a cloud of white in the chilly air. “Never mind.”
Jared really wants to know what Jensen might say, but his goal today was to make Jensen feel better, not to pick at whatever’s bothering him. “Okay,” he says instead, propping himself up on his elbows to check on the dogs. They’re over at the other end of the park, where his parents are slowly meandering over, so that’s fine.
“Thanks again for coming today,” he says. “I know you weren’t feeling the greatest, but it’s kind of impossible to manage the dogs with just one person.”
Jensen snorts. “Yeah, I kind of noticed that.” He tries to move a little, then groans and flops back down. “And if I’m a good friend, then you’re a crappy one. You couldn’t pick any of our other, less hungover and less morning-challenged friends to help you herd the beasts?”
“And miss seeing you stumble around the park like a crotchety old man?” Jared grins. “Where’s the fun in that?”
“I hate you,” Jensen mutters. “I hope you know that.”
“You were actually my only hope,” Jared tells him. “Allie and Adrianne were busy with wedding stuff, and Mike was getting his monthly manscaping done.”
“Mike gets monthly manscaping? Wait - oh, god,” Jensen says with a shudder. “I just pictured more of Mike’s body hair than I ever wanted to think about.”
“I hear he gets fun shapes,” Jared says, just to watch Jensen twitch. It’s too easy. “Anyway, Mike and waxing aside, Michael wanted to come, but he had to work. So you were really my only choice.”
“Thanks, I feel so special.” Jensen’s quiet for a moment, absently rubbing cold fingers together. “Michael had to work? On a Sunday?”
“Yeah, he had some urgent deadline,” Jared says. “He really wanted to see the dogs, so he was pretty bummed.”
“Really.”
Jensen does that thing again, where he’s silent for a long moment and it’s clear that he’s thinking something that he’s not saying.
Jared’s pretty prone to saying whatever he’s thinking right as he’s thinking it, so he’s not so familiar with this process of actually thinking through one’s words before letting them come galloping out of one’s mouth, but he’s had enough experience with Jensen to know that it can’t be forced - he has to wait for Jensen to choose the right words on his own.
It takes a good five minutes, but sure enough, just when Jared’s given up on the conversation and lapsed into a daydream about the house he’s going to have someday with a huge yard for the dogs to run around in, Jensen finally speaks.
“Jared,” he says. “Are you sure that Michael is really the - “
But that’s all the further he gets, because his cell phone picks that moment to go off. It’s obnoxiously loud, and playing some kind of one-hit wonder song ten years out of date that Jared vaguely recognizes, and Jensen jumps like he’s been scalded, turning a brilliant scarlet as he hunts through his pocket for the phone. When he finally finds it and silences it, he glares at the caller id before stuffing it back into his sweatshirt pocket, muttering about fucking Chris and fucking Steve and fucking assholes who know what’s best for him better than he does.
“Problems?” Jared asks mildly.
Jensen scowls. “I wish one person I know would actually trust me enough to run my own damned life.”
Jared laughs. “I’ve kind of given up on that. Allie and Adrianne do a way better job of making decisions for me than I do for myself.” He pauses. “But I do the opposite of whatever Mike tells me. I guess it makes a difference if you trust the person’s judgment.”
“Yeah,” Jensen says absently. His phone chirps again, this time with a text, and he glances down quickly to read it before shoving it away again. He takes a deep breath, like he’s coming to a decision, then sits all the way up. “Hey, Jared.”
“Yeah?”
“Can I - I need to ask you something. And I need you to be honest with me.”
“Sure,” Jared says, puzzled. What would he lie to Jensen about?
Jensen tucks the tips of his fingers inside his sweatshirt sleeves, curling his hands into fists. “Are - do you. Um. Are you sure that Michael is really the person you - that you should be with?”
It takes Jared a second to absorb the question, and then a few more to figure out why Jensen would be asking him that in the first place.
Jensen, maybe sensing his confusion, rushes on. “Because it seems like maybe - I don’t know, he’s said a couple of things that - “
But now Jared finally gets it. “Jensen,” he cuts him off, “Stop.”
Jensen halts mid-word, watching him carefully.
And Jared can’t stop the grin that spreads over his face. “Yeah,” he says, “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m really happy with him.”
Jensen’s face changes, almost imperceptibly. “You are?”
“Yeah,” Jared says. “He’s great. We’re great.” He leans over and nudges Jensen with his shoulder. “Thanks for asking, though. It means a lot to me that you’re looking out for me like that.”
And it really does. It hurt like hell when he wasn’t what Jensen wanted, and Jared honestly wasn’t sure this “just friends” thing was going to work out, but now he’s more grateful for Jensen’s friendship than he ever could have imagined. Hell, he was hoping Michael would be the one here today, meeting his parents and playing with his dogs, but thanks to Jensen, Jared hasn’t even missed Michael’s absence all day.
“You really are a good friend, you know,” he tells Jensen, dragging himself to his feet as his parents and the dogs get nearer.
Jensen follows suit, but he doesn’t quite meet Jared’s eyes. “Yeah, sure.”
*
Love is extremely overrated. It’s messy and complicated and, most important of all, it radically decreases your chances of getting laid. This is why Mike has absolutely no interest in it.
It’s all soul-searching and staring deeply into each other’s eyes and having some mystical connection and all that other bullshit Hallmark tries to feed you, and Mike? Mike would much rather be having fun than analyzing his deepest feelings or worrying about his connection with anyone. He’s not a faulty wire, for fuck’s sake. He’s a guy that enjoys a little drinking, a little flirting, and a lot of sex.
It’s all one big game - devising a strategy, lining up his moves, taking a risk - and waiting for the girl to make her move is the best part. It’s always an adventure. But once you’ve won, once you’ve slipped past someone else’s defenses and taken the board, there’s nothing left to do. The board’s empty, there aren’t any moves left. Boring. (Allie and Adrianne are kind of an exception, because they’re in love and they still have tons of sex, but Mike still doesn’t really get the whole hold-hands-and-cuddle junk. He mostly just wants to watch Allie and Adrianne go at it, because they’re hot.)
And Mike can’t change anyone’s feelings or convert the world to his way of thinking, but there’s one thing he can do.
Which is why he and Jensen are sitting at the bar, a line of empty shot glasses in front of them, and Mike’s telling Jensen exactly what he has going for him while he’s eyeing a couple of guys near the front door who look like possibilities.
“Wait a minute,” Jensen says, interrupting his pep talk. “Is this - are you trying to make me feel better?” He looks bewildered by the very idea.
“No,” Mike says, rolling his eyes.
“Then why are you telling me that I’m a nice guy and not that bad to look at?” Jensen’s eyes suddenly go round. “Are you - is this your totally demented way of hitting on me?”
“Jensen, please,” Mike says, rolling his eyes. “If I was hitting on you, you’d know. You’d be wondering why you were even more attracted to me than usual.”
“I’m never attracted to you,” Jensen says.
“Because I never hit on you,” Mike says. “Come on, keep up here.” Mike’s seen Spiderman, he knows the whole speech about great power coming with great responsibility. He wouldn’t use his charm on someone like Jensen, where he has no intention of following through. That would just be mean.
“Whatever,” Jensen says. “I just figured maybe you sucked at hitting on guys.”
“Please. I don’t suck at hitting on anyone.” Even inanimate objects have a hard time resisting his charm. Mike knows, because sometimes he gets friendly and a little confused while drunk.
Jensen snorts, then makes a cough that sounds suspiciously like “Genevieve.”
“Dude,” Mike says.
Jensen spreads his hands. “What?”
“I’m going out of my way to get you laid here, and that’s how you repay me? You’re throwing that in my face right now? Which, let’s be clear, was totally a fluke.”
“Oh,” Jensen says. “You’re trying to get me laid?”
“Obviously!” If Jensen’s usually this slow about potential sex, it’s no wonder he totally failed to land Jared.
“Well, um,” Jensen says. “That’s really nice of you, I guess? But not necessary. Thanks, though.”
“Jensen, we are getting you laid,” Mike tells him. “I’m going to put all my considerable effort behind your pathetic effort, and together we are going to land you a hot dude who’s going to make you forget all about Jared. Are you ready to do this?”
“No,” Jensen says. “One million times no. I appreciate the effort, but this is not a good idea.”
“Come on, why not?” Mike demands. “Look, Jared is an awesome guy - he’s my best friend and all - but we can find you someone even more awesome here tonight.” He looks around the bar. “Or we can get you drunk enough to think you did, anyway.”
Jensen winces. “Yeah. I’m just not sure drunken sex with a stranger is the best idea at this point. That’s what got me into this whole mess in the first place.”
“So maybe it can get you out.”
“Or maybe it can get me into an even bigger mess. Besides, I’m not really - “ Jensen sighs. “I don’t think I’m in the right state of mind to do this.”
Mike’s not sure exactly what that means, but he’s pretty sure how to fix it. “Luckily, my friend, we are in a bar. We can change that.” He pats Jensen on the arm, then signals the bartender. “More shots, please!”
*
Unfortunately, “drunk off his ass” is apparently not the right state for Jensen to get laid, either. Mike learns this after two more rounds of shots, when Jensen clings onto him like a boa constrictor and says, “I only want Jared. Mike. I only want to have sex with Jared.”
“That’s wonderful, Jensen,” Mike says, trying gently to detach him. “But unfortunately, he’s taken. Why don’t you choose one of the other fine men in this establishment?”
Jensen doesn’t even look, just grips Mike’s arm tighter. “Don’t want them. Just Jared.”
Mike sighs. This is the worst night ever. Not only is he not getting laid (because let’s face it, checking out guys across the bar all night isn’t really doing much for his game), he’s not getting laid while being whined at by a drunk Jensen.
And then Jensen goes and makes it even worse.
“God, he’s hot,” Jensen moans, slumping forward to let his head rest against the bar. “Should’ve definitely fucked him. Or let him fuck me.”
“Okay, no more shots for you,” Mike says, pushing the glasses out of Jensen’s reach. Damn maudlin drunks, taking all the fun out of drinking.
“Or at least sucked him off,” Jensen says. “Totally wanted to. God, his cock is - “
“Okay!” Mike says hastily. “You win, okay? I’ll let you go home right now - by yourself - if you just stop telling me things about Jared that I really don’t want to know.”
“Mm, don’t wanna go home,” Jensen mumbles into the bar. “Wanna stay here.” His eyes slide shut. “Right here.”
Mike still has no idea how Jensen is roughly five times drunker than he is, since they’ve been drinking at about the same pace, but being sober right now seems really fucking unfair. “Okay, come on, buddy,” he says, hauling Jensen up by his arm. “We have to get you a cab so you can get home.” He drops some bills on the bar, then half-walks and half-drags Jensen toward the exit.
One of the guys he was scoping out for Jensen gives him a wink as they leave, and Mike really just does not appreciate that kind of irony, not on a cruel, cockblocked night like tonight. And then when they find a cab and pile in together (because Jensen’s clearly too far gone to make it on his own, which is still baffling), Jensen giggles and says, “Hey, now I found someone to take home with me! Your plan worked!”
The cabbie gives them an interested glance in the rearview mirror (which is great, because Jensen is currently using Mike as his very own pillow), and that, Mike decides, is it. From here on out, he gives up on trying to help Jared and Jensen do the smart thing and move on. If they want to make themselves miserable, he’s just going to let them.
Or, well, help them. Because it’s pretty clear at this point that they’re both too ridiculously hung up on each other to be with anyone else. Jared’s got Michael, yeah, but it’s an infatuation at best. He still looks at Jensen when he thinks no one’s looking, and if Jensen made a move, Mike’s pretty sure Jared would drop Michael in a heartbeat. Not that Jensen will - he’s sworn them all to secrecy. But that doesn’t mean Mike can’t give a hint here or a nudge there. He just has to be a little subtle.
It’s still going to suck, because it leaves him without anyone to pick up girls with, but Jared was never that great of a wing man in the first place, and Jensen has monogamy issues. But in the name of friendship, Mike supposes he has to try.
*
Since Adrianne and Allie are both girls and have most of the same friends (and are both brides), it doesn’t make sense to have a bridal shower for one of them and not the other, so instead they throw a joint party and leave the whole shower thing out of it. That way, the girls get to open presents and eat food and hang out with friends, but they don’t have to wrap anyone up in a wedding dress made of toilet paper or play pin-the-bowtie on the half-naked cardboard hunk. Jared feels everyone wins in this situation.
Especially him, because Adrianne made her famous triple-chocolate cookies, which are so laden with chocolate that they barely stay together, turning into a gooey mess in your palm. Jared thinks they may be the best things he’s ever eaten. Adrianne’s an amazing baker when she wants to be, but she mostly only does it when she’s nervous or anxious about something. Which kind of works out - when Jared and Allie wake up to the scent of something decadent baking, they know they need to sit Adrianne down and figure out what’s wrong. They also know that they’re going to get a delicious treat while they do it. It’s a good balance.
And she can occasionally be coerced into baking while she’s not freaking out about something, with the right application of pleading and puppy dog eyes, which is why Jared’s in the middle of eating his fifth cookie and coming dangerously close to chocolate nirvana when Michael finds him.
“Hey,” Michael says.
“Mmmf,” Jared replies, waving with his non-chocolately hand.
Michael grins and leans up, catching Jared’s chin in his hand as he gives him a light kiss. When he pulls back, he licks his lips. “You had chocolate on your lip,” he explains.
Jared mind flashes back to the last time that happened to him, when it was him doing the licking and the mess was on Jensen’s lips. He brushes it aside. “So you only kissed me because I tasted good? Not because I’m irresistible?”
Michael steals a chunk of cookie and pops it into his mouth, grinning. “Well. That, too. The chocolate was just an added bonus.”
He goes for another piece of cookie, but Jared beats him to it, breaking off a gooey hunk and holding it out for him to take. Michael’s eyes darken, and he wraps his tongue around Jared’s sugary fingers, cleaning them a little more enthusiastically than strictly necessary. Jared has to take a deep breath and remind himself that jumping Michael is not allowed in public places, and definitely not at parties in honor of his friends.
Michael’s car downstairs, however? Totally fair game. Jared’s just about to grab Michael’s hand and drag him down there when Michael’s cell phone goes off and he makes the face that means it’s work and he has to take it.
He gives Jared an apologetic look, then goes out into the hallway to answer. He’s only gone long enough for Jared to scoop the rest of the gooey chocolate of his cookie into his mouth before Genevieve comes over.
“Hey,” she says. “Where’s Number One?”
She’s taken to calling both the Michaels in their life by numbers - Cassidy’s Number One, and Rosenbaum’s Number Two. It drives Mike nuts - which is why Jared suspects she does it - so he takes a kind of perverse glee in it. “Taking a phone call.”
“Ah,” she says, turning to the dessert selection. “I thought he might have run off after Grandma gave Allie and Adrianne the joys-of-married-sex lecture.” She pops a bite of lemon square in her mouth. “Wouldn’t have blamed him.”
“Yeah, that was pretty terrifying,” Jared admits. Cute little old ladies with white hair shouldn’t be able to say the things she did with a straight face. It’s just not right. “But I don’t think we’ve scared him off yet.”
She nods. “So everything’s still good with you two?”
“Yeah,” Jared says. “Yeah, we’re great.”
They really are. Jared had almost given up on finding the perfect guy, after everything with Jensen and all his failed attempts at speed-dating and internet dating and plain old dating. But Michael is everything he could possibly want in a man - smart, funny, handsome, nice, awesome in bed - and everything with him has just been so easy. They fit together, they have plenty to talk about, they never fight, they have great sex - there’s really nothing that doesn’t work.
“Oh,” Gen says. “Well, that’s good. I’m glad the crazy family hasn’t driven him away.”
“Nah, after hanging out with all of my friends, I think Michael’s pretty immune to the crazy.”
She smiles. “Good for him. Well, I promised Jensen I’d report back on the dessert situation - apparently he’s on standby to run out and grab more cookies if need be - so I’d better let him know he’s off the hook.” She waves at Jared, grabs a toffee bar, and crosses the room
to where Jensen’s helping organize presents.
Jared has just enough time to trawl the table for a rice krispie bar before Michael comes back. There’s an odd look on his face. “Hey, um,” he says. “I need to talk to you.”
“Okay…?”
“Somewhere other than here.”
Jared lets Michael pull him out into the hallway and shut the door. “What’s up?”
“That was work calling,” Michael says. “Specifically, the head of our division. He had an offer for me.”
“Like a promotion?” Jared asks.
“No,” Michael says slowly. “Like a better job. They offered me a new job with more responsibilities.”
“Wow, that’s great!” Jared says. “Congratulations, man!”
“Yeah, thanks,” Michael says, accepting Jared’s hug. “The only thing is, it’s in DC.”
“DC?” Jared repeats. “Like, Washington DC?”
“Yeah, like The District of Columbia.”
“Oh,” Jared says, leaning back against the wall. “Wow. That’s - wow. Are you going to take it?”
“I don’t know,” Michael replies. “I mean, it’s an amazing opportunity. I’d love this job, and I’d be good at it. But that’s a big change, you know?”
“Yeah,” Jared says. He knows. “Yeah, it is.”
“And I know this is totally sudden, and I don’t expect any kind of answer right now, but I need to ask you something,” Michael goes on. “I was thinking that it’d be really awesome if you came with.”
“Came with?” Jared asks blankly. “You mean - “
“If you came to DC, too.”
Jared’s mouth drops open, but Michael holds up his hands to forestall a reply. “Just think about it, okay? That’s all I’m asking. Just
consider coming with me. Can you do that?”
Jared thinks he probably looks like a fish, the way his mouth keeps moving with nothing coming out, but that’s the way Michael’s announcement makes him feel - like a fish washed ashore. “Um,” he says, finally. “Uh, yeah. I guess I can think about it?”
Michael doesn’t seem to mind that it comes out as a question. “Thank you.” He leans in and kisses Jared quickly, then glances at his watch. “Hey, sorry to run, but I have to go figure a bunch of stuff out if I’m going to have an answer for my boss soon. See you later?”
“Yeah, sure,” Jared says. “No problem.”
And as he watches Michael rush down the hallway, he wonders exactly what he just got himself into.
*
He’s still wondering that an hour later, after all the guests have gone home and Allie and Adrianne have been sent out on a walk so that Jared, Jensen, Mike and Genevieve can take care of the cleanup. Did he really agree to think about moving to DC?
It was a big enough change to move to New York, coming from Texas. Not that he doesn’t like New York - he loves it. But he thought about it and planned it a long time before doing it. He knew that his friends and a job would be waiting for him there. He doesn’t know that about DC. Well, he knows Michael will be there, but that’s not the same thing. Should it be?
Jared needs to talk to someone about this. Allie and Adrianne would be best, since they’ve known him forever, but they’re out. Mike and Genevieve are bickering over organizing the presents. That leaves Jensen, so Jared sets down his trash bag of wrapping paper and says, “Hey, Jensen, can I talk to you?”
Jensen looks up from the pile of dishes he’s doing battle with. “Right now?”
“Yeah,” Jared says, coming into the kitchen and leaning up against the counter. “Something happened, and I need to tell someone before I go crazy.”
“Um, sure,” Jensen says, switching off the water. “What’s up?”
“Michael got a job offer in DC.”
Jensen goes completely still. “Really.”
“Yeah. They called during the shower.”
“Is he taking it?”
“He doesn’t know yet, but I think he will,” Jared says. “It sounds like a really awesome opportunity.”
“So he’s going to be moving away.”
“Yeah, probably. The crazy thing is, he asked me to go with him.”
Jensen drops a plate into the sink with a loud splash. “What?”
“Yeah, I know. Well, technically, he asked me to think about going with him. But, yeah.”
“You’re not,” Jensen says. “Right? I mean, that’s crazy. You’re not actually thinking about going.”
“Well, actually…”
“Jared!”
“I know! It’s totally crazy, but I think I’m actually thinking about it.”
“Picking up your entire life and moving to Washington DC? For a guy that you’ve known, what - a few weeks?”
“Two months,” Jared corrects absently. “But yeah. I don’t know, it just seems like maybe I should. Michael is - he’s awesome. And things between us are so good. I just feel like it might be a good thing to see where this could go, and I can’t do that when we’re not even living in the same city.”
“Yeah, but your friends are here,” Jensen points out. “Your job is here. Your entire life is here. You can’t just give that up.”
“I’m not giving it up, exactly,” Jared says. “Just…moving it around a little bit.”
Jensen looks at him like he’s just announced that he’ll be headlining a cabaret show off Broadway. “You’re not serious.”
“I am.”
Jensen shakes his head and scrapes viciously at a dish before dumping it into the sink for rinsing.
“I take it you don’t think this is such a good idea.”
Jensen just gives him a look, scrubbing a plate roughly.
“Look, I know it’s kind of spontaneous and all, but - “
“Kind of?” Jensen finally puts down the dishes and turns to face him. “Try totally and completely. Jared, you love your job. And you’re not even licensed to teach in DC. You’d have to put teaching on hold until you could get a license, and even then, there’s no guarantee that you’d find another job like the one you have now. Which, let me remind you, you absolutely and totally love.”
“I know, but - “
“And where are you going to live? You’re going to move in with this guy that you’ve known for two months and plan a happily ever after? Come on, Jared, wake up.”
And okay, Jared may not be putting the most logical plan on the table here, but that’s no excuse for the amount of hostility Jensen’s bringing to this conversation.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Jared asks.
“It’s just - it bothers me. How much you’re changing for this guy. It’s always Michael likes this or Michael’s all about that. You don’t even see it, but you’re rearranging your whole life for him.”
Jared folds his arms across his chest. “I’m not, actually. But even if I were, that would be kind of funny. You didn’t seem to care when I was doing it for you.”
“I never asked you to give up your friends and your job and your entire life for me!” Jensen sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Jared, someone who really loves you wouldn’t do that.”
Jared thought he’d finally gotten to the point where Jensen’s rejection of him didn’t hurt anymore, but apparently he was wrong. “So now Michael doesn’t love me?”
“That’s not- I don’t know,” Jensen says, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m just saying, if he - “
“Because, you know,” Jared interrupts. “Just because you don’t? It doesn’t mean that no one can.”
Jensen drops his hand and stares. “What?”
“You didn’t want me. So excuse me if I don’t see where the hell you get off being bothered right now. You had your chance, and you didn’t want it. So now that someone else finally does, you need to just shut the fuck up and let me be happy!” He doesn’t mean to, but his voice escalates as he goes on, gathering steam, and the final word echoes throughout the kitchen.
“That’s what I’m trying to do!” Jensen yells back. “Why the hell do you think I haven’t - “
“Haven’t what?”
Jensen opens his mouth to reply, but right then the apartment door slams open, and he hears Allie say, “What the hell is going on? We could hear the yelling from the stairs.”
And instead of whatever he was going to say, Jensen growls, “Godfuckingdammit,” and swipes at a mug sitting on the draining board. It flies across the room to shatter against the wall, and before Jared can even figure out what’s going on, Jensen’s storming out of the kitchen and the apartment.
The door slams behind him, and the apartment’s completely silent for a long moment. Jared isn’t sure what the hell to feel - he’s still angry, but now he’s also confused and freaked out by Jensen’s mood swing. He’s still staring at the shards of ceramic on the floor when Mike and Gen poke wide-eyed faces around the corner.
“What the hell just happened?” Mike asks, following his gaze to the broken mug.
“Jensen and I had a fight.”
“Yeah, the screaming and shouting kind of filled us in,” Genevieve says. “But why? What got him so upset?”
“Yeah,” Adrianne echoes, coming around the corner with Allie. “What the hell is going on?”
Jared sighs. “Michael’s moving to Washington DC. He asked me to go with him. Jensen freaked out.”
“Okay, no,” Allie says. “Not the See Spot Run version. The War and Peace version. Complete with explanations, motivations, and possibly reenactment of key moments. Go.”
Jared has no idea what Jensen’s motivation for getting so angry was, which is kind of the main problem in a nutshell, but he does his best to recreate the argument for them. He thinks he should probably feel justified, going over what he said and why he said it, since he still thinks he was right, but instead it just makes him even more miserable that he and Jensen were yelling at each other in the first place. They’re supposed to be friends now - they’re supposed to be past the stupid crap where they hurt each other like this.
And it doesn’t look like his friends are going to be much help. Their faces go steadily more blank as his explanation goes on, and by the time he’s finished, no one’s looking at him - they’re too busy exchanging glances.
“You said what to him?” Adrianne asks flatly after he’s done. “ Jesus, Jared.”
“What?” Jared demands. “I didn’t say anything worse than he did.”
But Allie and Adrianne aren’t even paying attention to him - they’re deciding who’s going to go after Jensen. Which is ironic, because Jensen? Is not trying to figure out what to do about his boyfriend moving several states away. Jensen’s not the one who could use some advice right now.
But when he tries to hint that the person who needs some good solid friend time is right here in the apartment, Jared’s immediately shot down.
“Jared, I love you, but right now you’re being a dick,” Adrianne tells him. “You don’t even know how much of a dick you’re being, so you get a little slack there, and I can’t tell you why, but just trust me when I say that you need to give Jensen some space here.”
“What? Why?” Jared demands. They’re making it sound like something horrible is going on with Jensen, and if that’s the case, Jared should definitely be in the know.
“He’s just - “ Allie starts, but before she can even get a verb or adjective in, Adrianne’s saying sharply, “Allie,” and Allie closes her mouth, giving Jared a helpless look.
“Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?” Jared asks. If Jensen’s lost his job or gotten a terminal diagnosis or something, Jared doesn’t care about the details, he just wants to know if he can do something to help.
There’s another round of looks exchanged, and Jared doesn’t miss the fact that this time it includes Mike and Genevieve.
Finally, Adrianne sighs. “He’ll live,” she says shortly. “That’s all I can say.” When Jared opens his mouth, she shakes her head. “Don’t ask me more, Jared. That’s not fair.”
And it still doesn’t make it any clearer to Jared what’s going on with Jensen, but Adrianne is right. It’s not fair to ask her more if Jensen’s specifically asked her not to tell.
It’s eventually decided that Adrianne’s going to be the one to go after Jensen, and she leaves shortly after. Mike and Genevieve both make excuses to go home, and Allie waves them off after thanking them for an awesome shower.
Which, of course, makes Jared feel guilty. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your shower with all this.”
“Don’t be silly, you’re not.” She wanders over to the sink and pulls out a pair of rubber gloves, picking up washing the dishes where Jensen left off.
“Here, let me do that,” Jared says.
“No, I want to,” Allie says, picking up a plate. “If you could pick up the broken mug, though, that would be good.” She sighs. “It’s a good thing we put lots of coffee mugs on our registry.”
Jared grabs the broom and dustpan out of the closet and starts sweeping. He tries thinking the entire situation through again, looking for an angle where he’s being a jerk, but he just can’t find it. By the time he’s got the whole mess swept up, he’s just worked himself up to angry again.
“What’s his problem?” he asks Allie, dumping the broken pieces into the garbage with more force than strictly necessary. “ I mean, where does he get off telling me what my relationship with Michael should be like? He doesn’t know jack about actual serious relationships, but here he is giving me advice like he’s goddamn Dr. Phil.”
“Jared, he’s just trying to do what he thinks is best for you.”
“Like he’d know that.”
“Well, he - “ She stops, pressing her lips firmly together. “Never mind.”
“He what?”
“Nothing, just - “ Allie cuts herself off again with a frustrated noise. “Look, you should just talk to Jensen about this.”
Jared laughs. “Uh, kinda tried that already?” He motions to the broom. “Didn’t work out so well.”
“Just give him a chance to tell you what’s going on with him,” Allie persists. “I think it would help. A lot.”
“It would help if I had any idea what kind of trouble he’s in.”
“He’s sort of - things are - oh, for god’s sake,” Allie says, throwing up her hands. “Never mind. Boys. If you could just talk to each other once in a while, you wouldn’t get in these stupid messes.”
Jared’s about to roll his eyes and remind her how many fights he’s mediated where she and Adrianne totally failed to communicate, but that’s not what’s the most important thing here. The important thing is that Allie knows whatever’s going on with Jensen. And Jared knows Allie. All the half-sentences and almost-slips and her attempts to cover them with subject changes mean she’s trying hard to keep the secret, but she’s close to cracking.
“You know, it would really help if you could just give me a clue,” Jared says.
“No,” Allie says immediately. “Jared, I can’t.”
“Just a hint,” Jared cajoles. “Just a little, tiny harmless little hint.”
Allie starts to open her mouth, then slams it shut. “Adrianne will kill me.”
“But maybe this is one of the situations where someone asks you to keep a secret, but you shouldn’t,” Jared suggests. “Maybe it’s actually better for Jensen if I know what’s going on.” He follows it up with his best you-can-trust-me-I’m-innocent-and-adorable eyes.
Allie smacks him with a soapy hand. “Jared Padalecki, don’t you dare use that face on me.” She closes her eyes, chanting to herself. “I am Fort Knox. I am Fort Knox. I am Fort Knox.”
“Allie, please, can’t you just - “
“If tell you, Adrianne will never speak to me again,” Allie says. “Or possibly just withhold sex. And I love you, you know I do, but I am not sacrificing my fiancée or my awesome sex life for this.” She opens her eyes and turns to Jared. “And you. If you don’t stop using your powers for evil, I’m going to call your mother.”
And since that threat is not in any way empty (because Jared’s mom both knows and adores Allie, and would totally give Allie license to punish Jared for her if Allie said he was being mean), Jared gives up and turns back to helping with the dishes. He’ll just have to let it go.
*
Except that he totally doesn’t. Jared can’t help it - that’s just not how he works. Once he knows that there’s something going on with Jensen, he can’t un-know it, and he can’t stop thinking about it. He tries to distract himself with other things - which, considering that Michael’s taking the job in DC means that they have just under two weeks to pack up his entire apartment and have as much sex as possible before he leaves, is pretty damn distracting - but even in the middle of labeling boxes and crossing the kitchen counter off his mental list of “Places left to defile in Michael’s apartment,” Jared finds himself going back to the argument and picking it apart in his head, trying to figure it out from a new angle.
And since Jensen’s still pissed at Jared (or, at least, not answering any of Jared’s calls or texts), that leaves the rest of his friends as potential sources of information.
Jared goes for Mike first, because - well, because it’s Mike. The guy has nothing even approaching scruples. It doesn’t seem that unlikely that he’ll spill. But apparently Mike is one loyal son of a bitch (or Jensen’s holding some kind of awesome blackmail material) because even after Jared gets him totally and completely drunk, the only thing he uncovers is Mike’s secret ambition to open his own sculpture garden with naked people laying around as art. “It would be a peaceful kind of nudity, Jared,” Mike tells him, eyes failing to focus. “Just a place to enjoy nature…in nature. To be at one with the universe and nakedness.”
“Aren’t you basically describing a nudist colony?” Jared asks.
“Yeah, but they let anyone into those,” Mike replies. “I’d be very selective about my garden. And I’d sell popcorn.”
“You are seriously warped,” Jared tells him.
Next, he tries Adrianne. He figures he can win her over with a beautifully-crafted logical argument, but he’s barely started laying out his basic premise before she starts poking holes in his assumptions. By the time he actually gets to what he was trying to convince her, he’s turned around and backwards and proving her point instead of his. And then she just grins, pats him on the arm, and sends him home, totally confused. Damn lawyers.
Jared even makes a half-hearted attempt with Genevieve, because it’s clear that she knows what’s going on and she barely knows Jensen, but when she just arches a brow and says, “Sorry, sweetheart, I promised my cousin. Besides, what makes you think you can break me, when Mike’s five thousand far more annoying attempts haven’t worked?” he has to conclude that she has a point. Anyone who can withstand Mike’s constant attempts at come-ons (including his recent favorite, “If you were a laser, you’d be set on ‘stunning’”) and not punch him must be made of something ridiculously strong.
So then, whether she likes it or not, Allie is back to being Jared’s only hope. And when the two weeks run out and Michael leaves for DC (along with a promise from Jared that they’ll try out this long-distance thing), Jared has even less to distract him. Michael’s busy figuring out his new job and a new city, so apart from his occasional rushed phone call, Jared’s mind is free to obsess over his issues with Jensen.
He formulates a plan that includes bribes, chocolate, the much-coveted position of Jared’s Favorite Friend, and even a signed statement that he’ll never tell Adrianne, but it turns out to be unnecessary. Before he can even corner Allie to put his plan into motion, she shows up at his work and says, “Fine, but if I never have sex again, it’s all your fault.”
Her timing could use a little work - Jared happens to be in the middle of teaching thirty sophomores about ancient Sumerian culture, and although he’s pretty sure about ninety percent of them were sleeping through it, strangely enough, they’re all wide awake after that announcement - but thankfully there are only five more minutes left in the day anyway, and the kids value their free time more than gossip about Jared, so he’s able to shuffle them out of the classroom before contributing to Allie’s sexless marriage.
“Okay, so,” she says, after Jared closes the door and makes sure no teenage gossip bloggers are lingering in the hallway, “This probably makes me a terrible friend, but I can’t keep this secret anymore.”
“Okay,” Jared says. “So tell me.”
“It’s not fair!” Allie goes on. “I mean, some people are just not cut out to keep secrets! And the last time I checked? Not lying was a good thing!”
“It’s a very good thing,” Jared assures her. “Honesty’s the best policy and all that. So?”
“Right,” Allie agrees. “So people shouldn’t ask me to do things like this. No one would ask Mike to take a vow of celibacy, right? Because it would end very badly and he would probably explode.”
Jared actually agrees with that statement, although the imagery is slightly disturbing (he doesn’t want to think about just what kind of explosions Mike might have while not getting any), but this is getting out of hand.
“Allie,” he says firmly, taking her gently by the shoulders and meeting her gaze head on. “Just tell me.”
She resists for a second, scrunching up her face and closing her eyes, but then it slips out: “Jensenhasfeelingsforyou.”
Jared blinks. “What?”
Allie lets out a long breath, shoulders sagging under Jared’s hands. “Wow. I feel a lot better now.”
“Jensen has feelings for me?” Jared repeats. “What, like…friendly feelings? Feelings people have for their friends?”
Allie shakes her head. “No. Feelings feelings. Feelings people have for people they care about.”
Oh. Oh. Well, that’s…totally and completely unexpected. Jensen has feelings feelings for Jared? The same ones Jared had pretty badly for him not too long ago? Yeah, that changes the game a bit.
“He didn’t want to tell you,” Allie says quietly.
“Yeah, I kind of got that,” Jared says. “But why?”
“Because you were with Michael,” she says matter-of-factly.
“When did he - I mean, how long has he - ?”
“I don’t know. The first we heard about it was a few weeks after you met Michael.”
“Fuck,” Jared whispers. Allie may be feeling better now, but Jared can honestly claim the opposite. “So this whole time, he’s been - he’s had feelings for me. Fuck,” he says again. “What am I supposed to do?”
Allie shrugs. “I don’t know, Jared. But can I make one suggestion?”
“Always.”
“Think about it, okay? Before you go running to talk to him about it. Think it over and make sure you know what you’re doing.” Her smile has an edge of sadness. “I don’t want either of you to get hurt any more than you have already.”
“Yeah,” Jared says. “Me either.”
*
Part Six