Ohh, It's a Snake! (Good Omens; Fanfic)
Title: Ohh, It’s a Snake!
Rating: G
Pairings: Aziraphale & Crowley, Background Aziraphale/Crowley
Warnings/Notes: Crack, Humor, Memes, Some Fluff
Summary: Crowley likes to take little peeks at what the future might hold. He attempts to share one such tidbit with Aziraphale. Aziraphale doesn't get it.
Aziraphale stared at the three creatures before him intently. There was a badger, a mushroom, and…
“Crawly,” he finally asked. “Why have you brought these? And… why are you in your snake form again?”
“This will take over 2000 years to make senssse,” he chuckled. “This is what I love about humans, Angel. This is the height of absurdity and it will fade as the digital age progresses, but for a moment it will make perfect sense.”
“Right,” Aziraphale replied doubtfully. “Well, it doesn’t exactly make sense now, does it?”
Crowley shook his head, then finally resumed his regular form. The badger snagged the mushroom and bounded off. Aziraphale wasn’t entirely convinced the animal was native to this part of the world and wondered how much trouble he’d be in if he left it alone to do whatever it was it usually did.
Meanwhile, Crowley seemed decidedly put out and not at all concerned about the fate of the badger as he brushed nonexistent dust off the shoulder of his robe. “Come on, it’s a little funny, right? You could just take a quick peek to see why.”
“That isn’t what an angel does,” Aziraphale replied primly. “The future is-”
“Ineffable, so you’ve said. You know this is why everyone thinks the Heavenly Host is boring, right?”
“They do not,” Aziraphale retorted. “They aspire to join us.”
“Uh huh, that’s why they’re making fun songs about snakes. You know, I’m supposed to have a very negative relationship with humans, but that didn’t seem so bad.”
Aziraphale took a deep, steadying breath. “Is there a reason you’re here right now? Shouldn’t you be out there… causing trouble or something?”
“Bored,” Crowley mumbled.
“I’m sorry?”
“I said I’m bored,” Crowley drawled. “And you should hardly be encouraging me to cause trouble.”
“Yes, well,” Aziraphale stumbled. “I’m not, I’m just… Oh, never mind.”
They fell into a semi-comfortable silence where Aziraphale resumed his silent watch over the humans as they attempted to build civilization and Crowley watched him in turn, almost fondly, not that he noticed.
“I’m coming over when this comes out,” he said warningly. “I’ll remember.”
“Honestly, Crawly,” Aziraphale muttered, “I really don’t care.”
Aziraphale started at the quick, staccato knock on the door. He’d just finished pouring a cup of tea and if it had happened any sooner he surely would have spilled the tea all over. He set the cup aside with an irritated sigh. Timing like that suggested only one person. He couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips, though. Things had been somewhat… nice with him of late, if such a thing could be said of a demon.
He opened the door of his bookshop (which had a very pointed “closed” sign on it, not that that meant much to the visitor in question) and gave him a pointed look.
Utterly unfazed, Crowley held up a laptop computer, which he snapped open to reveal some… "Spider’s site" or something. Aziraphale hadn’t really been paying attention to this particular invention or the vernacular surrounding it.
“Check it out,” he crowed. “I told you. I told you this would happen, but oh, someone wasn’t interested at the time, said he didn’t care .”
He slipped past Aziraphale and slunk into the bookstore, behaving very much as if he’d just managed a master feat. Aziraphale closed the door with a sigh. “Whatever are you talking about right now?”
“Well, firstly, the Internet,” he said with a waggle of his brow. “And secondly, lovely songs dedicated to celebrating snakes.”
He set the laptop on a nearby table covered in books and hit play. A song began playing with poorly rendered drawings including a badger, a mushroom, and…
“Oh, good Lord,” Aziraphale exclaimed. “You can’t be serious. You remembered this of all things?”
Crowley just laughed uproariously as Aziraphale began pressing buttons. “Just… turn it off. This is awful.”
“Only if by ‘awful’ you mean ‘wonderful,’ Angel.” But he did oblige and the racket finally ceased. He closed the laptop and stared at Aziraphale with a smile that was utterly delighted and far too soft on a demon.
“Yes, well,” Aziraphale began, trying to regain his momentum. It was very difficult when Crowley was looking at him like that. “I suppose I’m glad you found something to entertain yourself with. But… I thought you said it would make sense? It doesn’t make any more sense now than it did back then.”
Crowley shrugged. “Eh, it makes sense in its complete lack of sense. See?”
Aziraphale did not, but maybe it didn’t matter. He had an unexpected visitor to entertain and he didn’t want his tea getting cold. “Care to join me?” he asked, gesturing to the tea waiting in the back.
Crowley perked up immediately. “Love to! Oh, I can show you more memes while I’m at it…”
“Please, if that’s a newfangled word for music just… don’t.”
Crowley just laughed as he waltzed towards the table and poured his own cup. Aziraphale shook his head, but couldn’t quite manage the right level of irritation. Maybe he’d indulge Crowley for a little while. He made for a very lovely adversary.
Author's Notes: I was struck by this silly idea while I was writing a much more serious fic. All that serious writing needs to be balanced out by some humor, after all. XD Of course, this whole thing is a reference to this song. Aziraphale may not get it, but I think it's pretty amusing and very much what you'd expect from the old Internet. I'm sure Crowley proceeded to share with him all kinds of similar videos and that the tea party was something of a trial for Aziraphale. Timeline-wise, the first part is a little after the Garden of Eden and the second part is the very early 2000s. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!