[le woot.]
[private post. you know the drill. you see all of this, your !boy sees none. comment only OOC, thanks.]
And so it begins. The pain of falling out of love with him. How the fuck long does it take? Because I'm really wanting to get that done with quickly.
I know we're probably closer than most friends. We have to be. There's...there's something about him, and there's something about me, and it's just the way that we fit, maybe. I think we're soulmates.
And that is way too good of a bond to fuck it up just because I'm in love with him. I can always fall out of love. If you can fall in, you can fall out. No big deal.
Only I never saw it coming. It completely blindsided me. Like one of his curves, maybe. I did not foresee this, and I think that's what hit me hardest and what broke my heart the worst.
Oh wait, no. What broke my heart the worst is the fact that he feels exactly the same way. And guess what?
He's with someone else. Or rather, he's going to be. Or something. I've got this vibe and I know it's right. My vibes usually are. I just have this feeling and I know I'm right.
So. Cappy and I are just. Nothing, I suppose. Well, we're something. We'll always be something, it's like I've got this Cappy-shaped hole in my heart where only he fits. He's my best friend in the whole world. Who else would I dress up like Obi-Wan Kenobi with?
But man, I keep having these dreams. None are sexual. That's the thing about this...whatever we've got going. I think I could be with him and never need sexual love. Our bond is that strong, that unbreakable. (It's a bonus, of course, but it's not a need).
But these dreams. Me and him, growing old together. Holding hands. Touching, kissing. I wake up in tears, tasting salt on my tongue. I have to get control of myself, this is definitely getting out of hand. Getting to be more than I can handle.
Thank God the season's nearly over. I can go hole up in Louisiana till spring training, hopefully get my stupid head wrapped around the fact that the Ben and Chris Saga was over before it began. He'll be happy with this other guy. What he and I got, that can't be touched.
But God...think of how amazing it would be if we were--
Don't go there.
And so it begins. The pain of falling out of love with him. How the fuck long does it take? Because I'm really wanting to get that done with quickly.
I know we're probably closer than most friends. We have to be. There's...there's something about him, and there's something about me, and it's just the way that we fit, maybe. I think we're soulmates.
And that is way too good of a bond to fuck it up just because I'm in love with him. I can always fall out of love. If you can fall in, you can fall out. No big deal.
Only I never saw it coming. It completely blindsided me. Like one of his curves, maybe. I did not foresee this, and I think that's what hit me hardest and what broke my heart the worst.
Oh wait, no. What broke my heart the worst is the fact that he feels exactly the same way. And guess what?
He's with someone else. Or rather, he's going to be. Or something. I've got this vibe and I know it's right. My vibes usually are. I just have this feeling and I know I'm right.
So. Cappy and I are just. Nothing, I suppose. Well, we're something. We'll always be something, it's like I've got this Cappy-shaped hole in my heart where only he fits. He's my best friend in the whole world. Who else would I dress up like Obi-Wan Kenobi with?
But man, I keep having these dreams. None are sexual. That's the thing about this...whatever we've got going. I think I could be with him and never need sexual love. Our bond is that strong, that unbreakable. (It's a bonus, of course, but it's not a need).
But these dreams. Me and him, growing old together. Holding hands. Touching, kissing. I wake up in tears, tasting salt on my tongue. I have to get control of myself, this is definitely getting out of hand. Getting to be more than I can handle.
Thank God the season's nearly over. I can go hole up in Louisiana till spring training, hopefully get my stupid head wrapped around the fact that the Ben and Chris Saga was over before it began. He'll be happy with this other guy. What he and I got, that can't be touched.
But God...think of how amazing it would be if we were--
Don't go there.