I'd redecorate the walls with your inner thoughts, but I'm afraid it's the wrong shade of red
"She can't take back all her regrets, her only hope is what she did she'll soon forget" I've made so many mistakes in the past few months. I wish I could take them all back. Every last one of them. The biggest one is eating at my very soul. I want to talk to someone about it, but no one can know about it. I can't risk people knowing. That is the one thing driving me to suicide. Well there is something else, but it's not AS bad. I do feel like shit cuz of it. I can't live with myself. I can't look in the mirror. I hate myself and I hate you for putting that pressure on me. I would have lied about it. To you and everyone else. I would never have done it knowing I'd feel like this after it. I hate you so much. Yet, you're the only person on my mind. I can't shut it off. I want to so bad. I just want to scream. I can't do that, people will ask questions. I still can't believe I did that. I hate myself so much. I can't do this.
Ice cream sandwiches are always so much better with Brooke.
I told him I quit. I lied, so did he.
I miss hanging out with him. I miss everything about him.
The phone is ringing. It was no one important.
I have to take puggy to the vet.
I have to find a job.
I hate my mother. Before school got out for summer I tried to kill myself. I failed as you can see. I made the mistake of telling Tyler, who told Ms. Fairchild, who told my mother. She was threatening to kick me out at the time. She said she didn't want my destructive behavior around the younger childern. They might think it's okay to do that. After the whole suicide attempt she lightened up.(Ms. Fairchild was breathing down her neck) She even said she was going to get me some help. I thought OMG I have a new mother. And she cares about me. I was oh so wrong. She was pretending to care about me. I know she doesn't. Ever since I "came out". I didn't even want to either. It was all Jared's fault the assmunch. I hate him so much sometimes. After my mom knew I was basically disowned. Shunned from the family. I was no longer allowed to do things with the family. Only recently have I been welcomed back in.
I don't want to go on the family vacation.
I don't want to live anymore.
I hate this song. It was the first song I heard after Steve and I broke up. Everything was so hard for me after that. I was holding on for so long. (For reasons I do not wish to discuss)
I'm scared to live on my own. I hate being alone.
I have to say something about Steve, but he might read this. Therefore I must censor myself.
I want to go to London.
I want to go to France.
I want to go see some underpants.
HAHAHAHA I really do want to go to London and France though. I'm just not down for the underpants... Maybe some other time.
I still want to watch Mulan. Now I want to watch Rainman too. I'll have to rent them.
I need to buy a book for the plane ride to Florida. I really don't want to go. I wish someone would have asked me first. But NOOOOO she just assumed I wanted to go. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me! GOD I HATE THAT BITCH.
my razor is still in my wallet. I asked Steve to take it out for me. I "forgot" oopsie. I WANT IT. I don't want to be back where I was a few days ago though. Blood was everywhere and I was terrified. It would not stop. That was the last time I did it. Because of that. I was so scared. I needed something like that to bring me back to reality. My scars are nasty looking. I'm so ashamed. Every time I look at them I want to throw up. It could be that I'm really sick at the moment. I don't know though...
I fell yesterday. I ate shit. It was the funniest thing ever, wasn't it Brooke? YEAH HEATHER ATE SHIT! (I was a bit out of it though). My point... I hurt my wrist. It was really funny though. OMG I was laughing for so long after that. Yeah I think we all know why...