Puzzle
A/N: This was written on the request from magnaeshyungnim since err... 8 weeks ago? LOL sorry life's fuckingly busy. Hope you won't regret for asking me to write this. Some ideas taken from '50 First Date'. And maybe there'll be a sequel too, idk yet.
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If I had but an hour of love
If that be all is given me
An hour of love upon this earth
I would give my love to thee
-The Moor; The Lovely Bones.
***
Lee Sungmin had an accident on a Sunday afternoon in a summer on his seventeenth birthday. It was a bad accident, because the car he was driving for the first time didn't come back to its garage the next evening with the way it used to be in the yesterday morning. When people found him at the foot of the hill where he had that bad accident, he was already half dead. His parents were informed, and his mom blamed his father for letting him drive the car, and the old man retorted saying that their son already big enough that he owned a driving license to drive one. It just the god of luck wasn’t on his side at that time.
For about one and a half month, his bad accident was the talk of the town. People were talking about the kid’s condition: how he has been unconscious for too long, how his family with the average income couldn’t afford to put him in the hospital for such a long time, and took him out of the hospital even when the doctors were saying that he need to be under direct care of the authorities for around two weeks more. They were planning of providing the family some donation for it, but Sungmin’s father rejected the offer politely, saying that he can still take care of his son despite his condition. But then, after that one and a half month, they stopped talking about him. Because he didn't seem like he want to wake up in the near time.
And with just that, three years passed, framing Sungmin in his seventeenth year of life.
***
Cho Kyuhyun moved to the town on a Sunday evening in a summer when he was fifteen. He wasn’t being so cool about having to live in a small town like that, because his friends were far away from him, his favourite game arcade would be around sixteen kilometres away from his house, and riding a bicycle would be his last choice; simply because he wasn’t an athletic boy. The first day he was there, he thought everything was so quiet, and so fuckingly natural, that even to his own surprise; the chirping of birds that usually would be dead in the city was so melodic and beautiful.
He was rolling on the woven mat like a dying sea lion when he heard two old women were talking to his mother about some unfortunate accident that happened to a beloved boy in the town named Lee Sungmin. They praised how he was a delicate young boy that helped almost everyone he knew when they were in trouble, and how the world was so unfair to put a good boy like him in an accident like that. His mind was replaying any familiar thing related to the accident they were talking about, and finally the image of tyres screech on the street at the hill they were passing by yesterday came into his memory. He remembered how a couple was crying while peeking down the hill, and people’s faces were worried about the unknown victim down there. The police cars were blocking a side of the road and yellow lining was securing the place, telling people to stay away from the scene.
He was thinking ‘wow it must have hurt,’ and ‘I wish I won't be so unfortunate like him’ and slowly fell asleep. The next morning he woke up, his mom gave him his new school uniform and told him to get prepared for his first day at the town. He completely forgot about the boy that he was thinking about yesterday when the greetings were received from his new classmates.
And with just that, three years passed, letting Kyuhyun to grow up until his eighteenth year of life.
***
On his twentieth birthday, Lee Sungmin woke up, just about a week before his father signed the paper that would let him sleep forever. He could feel his mother warm hug, and it was the first time he saw his father’s tears; real tears rolling down his now seems to be older cheeks, as if he had returned from a long journey that they never knew when it will end.
“Mom? Why are you so...” he could hear his own voice cracked. It was hoarse and cracked, as if he had stopped talking for a long time. He tried to lift his hand to touch his throat, but it felt so heavy, that it fell at the time it was lifted. He looked at his mom with a pair of pleading eyes, asking for an explanation.
“You had an accident. The car you drove was out of control and went down the hill.”
He spoke with his eyes, asking questions of when.
“Three years ago.”
It was like a struck of lightning upon him. He had been sleeping; no, dead for three years. He wanted to cry, felt like he wanted to cry, but the tears didn't come out. He even had forgotten how to cry.The next morning, his dad happily wheeled him to the hospital, with a heart that didn't stop praying that his son would live longer than he is.
But Sungmin has forgotten why he was so sad about before, or why he needs to see the doctor, which he asked his dad about it again and again.
***
When he was brought out from the room filled with all the machines that never in his whole life had the chance to learn about, Lee Sungmin never thought that he would be listening (or understand) to any of the details given by the doctor to his father. Because he never thought all the detail was about him. Because to Lee Sungmin, he didn't have any problems with his health. And he was still trying to figure out why he was in the hospital in the first place.
“His brain is still having the trauma from the accident, and it works in its own way to prevent your son from remembering anything that he didn't want to.”
The old man’s face seemed disturbed and confused, so the doctor was trying his best to explain the matter in the simplest way ever possible.
“For instance, like today, even when you told him why he needs to be brought to the hospital, and explain every single detail about the accident, the next morning when he wakes up, puff.”
The doctor clapped once, slowly, as if he was trying to dust away some small particles with the action.
“He won't remember anything about it. Because his mind told him to never process any information about the accident, or what happened after that. In Sungmin’s memory, he will always be that seventeen year old kid who just got his license and excited about driving his father’s car three years ago.”
His dad refused to nod, as understanding the matter would be the last thing he wishes he did.
“When will he recover?”
The doctor placed his glasses back on his nose bridge, looked concerned, but wasn’t answering.
“He will recover, right?”
***
When he was eighteen, Cho Kyuhyun was having a basketball match with the class next to his, with a lot of girls cheering from every corner of the court, when he tried to do a slam dunk and failed, resulted in a sprained ankle. It was so bad that he need to be hospitalized, a word that he wished he could avoid for the rest of his life (except when he is dead because he signed the consent to use his body for educational purpose because he wanted to die in a cool way that is).
So he was trying every possible excuse that jumped into his mind so that all that he need to do is to go back home and had a leave for a few days, when his teacher shook his head and said a firm ‘NO’. He grunted as his teacher pushed his wheelchair into the elevator as it door opened. An old man was standing behind a sleeping young man in a wheelchair just like him, smiling to the teacher.
“An accident, Jungsu sunsang-nim?”
“Yeah. This kid tried to look cool but fooled himself in the end. And this is... OH MY GOD. Sungmin?”
Sungmin. His eyes were big as he heard that name. It sounded familiar, but he forgot when he first heard of it. The old man smiled, and patted the young man’s shoulder a few time, and his head straightened from his sleep before he smiled to both Kyuhyun and the teacher. Kyuhyun didn't feel like giving any reaction, but his teacher was cupping his own mouth, and tears were forming at the edges of his eyes.
“Jesus... Lee Sungmin, you’re back!” forgetting about his student, the teacher moved to Sungmin’s side and hugged him.
“Sunbae... but I didn't go anywhere? And you look so different!” the teacher would love to laugh and take the words as a joke, but the old man halted him with a pat on his shoulder, and a look asking for sympathy in his eyes.
“He is still seventeen. He is still seventeen.”
Cho Kyuhyun was counting the numbers that lit up every time the elevator passed a level, ignoring the three other people in the small moving electronic box.
***
All that he could remember is he was jumping almost all the time along his way to the car as his dad gave him the key, right after he showed his license to the old man. His mom was smiling with a worried face, asking about is he going to be alright every five minutes to his dad. And he was sure they both looked younger when he was slamming the car’s door that day.
He remembered asking his friend Hyukjae to accompany him to the movie that day, but that gummy boy with red head refused because he had a date with someone named like the sea at that time. And he was cursing and making a joke about how suitable an anchovy to date a sea when he heard a loud honking sound from his front, and a huge trailer was coming right before his eyes. And he remembered how he saw grey and black rocks beneath him, and how he felt like flying before everything turned dark.
Because everything was like a dream. Because the next morning when he woke up, he was in his room, which looked the same the way he left it the morning before, except for his crying parents were by his side when he opened his eyes.
“Do you remember who I am?” a kid with a bored face was resting his chin on Sungmin’s bed, hands waving in front of Sungmin’s face that was full of questions. He smiled, sweetly, yet in confusion, and observed the kid’s face for a few seconds before shook his head.
“Have we ever met before?”
The kid in front of him then smirked, and lifted his face away, leaving a more confused Sungmin on his own bed. Tip-toeing (Sungmin could see his bandaged ankle), he then jumped back onto his bed and waved his hand, left to right.
“No. Hi, I’m Cho Kyuhyun.”
***
It was amusing; to tell everything that upsets you to someone who wouldn’t remember anything the next time he opened his eyes. It was fascinating; how he was greeted with confusion yet courtesy every time their eyes met. It was a simple event every morning; to tell his name to the Lee Sungmin next to his bed.
He didn't want Sungmin to remember who he is, because that way, he can be anyone that he wanted, curse friends who never came to visit, sticking out tongue to nurses who pulled up their boobs to impress the young doctors, or just simply hummed watching the old wife visiting her old, sick husband in front of their beds every morning and evening. Because Lee Sungmin never remember. And he never hopes Sungmin would ever will.
***
“Don't you go to school?”
“I do go to school. But isn’t it holidaying now? What about you?”
Yes his question was stupid, insensitive, and cruel. But Kyuhyun just didn't care. And he really didn't get it why he asked that. Even after the doctor explained why Sungmin was there for the seventh time in his seventh day at the hospital.
“I’m supposed to, but my father said I missed my high school moments in my sleep.”
Because Lee Sungmin never gets angry at him. Because he didn't really remember why was he there after all. Because his father came everyday and told him that he will take Sungmin home the next morning, early in the next morning. And he was satisfied. Because he forgot about his boredom from yesterday when he woke up today, and he forgot his boredom for today on the next day.
He dragged Sungmin to his secret place in the hospital; the seventh level of the building, the balcony of the emergency stairs, and told the smaller man about his dreams and ambition. Of how he wanted the world to hear him sing, and showed them how magnificent he is. He told Sungmin of how he wants to have a special someone in the future, who will understand the life of a celebrity, and will be loyal to him forever, even when he has nothing left in this world when things turns bad.
He never did expect to have Sungmin to pull his hands and smile at him. He never did. He never thought there will be a hopeful stare coming out from those blinking eyes, as if telling him that all his simple dreams would be real one day.
***
He didn't want Sungmin to remember who he is, because that way, he can be anyone that he wanted, curse friends who never came to visit, sticking out tongue to nurses who pulled up their boobs to impress the young doctors, or just simply hummed watching the old wife visiting her old, sick husband in front of their beds every morning and evening. Because Lee Sungmin never remember. And he never hopes Sungmin would ever will.
But honestly, this time he did.
The second time he brought Lee Sungmin to his secret place, he was telling his same dreams. The fourth time, he was telling about the person he wants to spend his life together with. But Lee Sungmin could never remember anything about what he said, and for some reasons, he felt annoyed. He wanted to at least stay in Sungmin’s memory as someone he knew. So on the fifth time, just a day before he was discharged, Cho Kyuhyun kissed Lee Sungmin.
“I like you. I know you won't remember me tomorrow, but I still want to tell you this. I like you. You will forget me after this, so hear these words well enough tonight, because my like is precious, and the fact that you’ll forget about it is upsetting me.”
But Lee Sungmin was too nice to even be angry about a man kissing him, so he patted Kyuhyun’s shoulder and smiled.
“Thank you. Why would I forget someone who gave me my first kiss?” Kyuhyun curled the ends of his lips, faking a smile.
Because you will forget, I just knew it
When Kyuhyun wasn’t aware of his surrounding, he felt his neck tugged from the front. Lee Sungmin was looking at his bird-shaped pendant with a pair of shining eyes. The same expression he gave every time he saw the same pendant, because for every time he was looking at it, he was looking at it for the first time. And he will ask Kyuhyun where he bought the pendant, because he was so interested in getting one. And Kyuhyun will answer that he made the pendant himself.
But this time, even when Sungmin wasn’t prepared to ask him the same question, Kyuhyun took the pendant off his neck, and wrapped it around Sungmin’s beautiful one. While his hands were still trying to hook the pendant at the back of Sungmin’s neck, he leaned in closer to the latter, and planted another kiss on Sungmin’s dry lips;
Sungmin’s second kiss in life.
"I won't give up on you. Just you wait."
***
The next morning when Lee Sungmin opened his eyes, the smell of the antiseptic from the trolley of drugs that was passing near his bed seems to be familiar. He recognized the doctors who treat him, even though he couldn’t remember their names. He knew where the toilet is without having to ask about it early in the morning. And he somehow knew that this wasn’t the first day he had been in the ward, definitely.
He remembers the old woman who kept visiting her husband in front of him. When he turned to his right, there was an empty bed. He felt, no; he knew there was someone that supposed to be on that bed, talking to him, and he tried his hardest to remember the blurry face. but in the end, he gave up, and simply shrugged his shoulders.
When he told the doctors, “I know the date today, and I remember what date was yesterday,” they called his family, and told them that Lee Sungmin’s hope of healing was more than fifty percent. His mother hugged him, his father; again, was crying, and his friend, Hyukjae, holding hands with someone that was named like the ocean were smiling and tearing up at the same time. It was an important moment for them, to have Sungmin and his memories coming back.
***
The first time he visited Sungmin at his house was two weeks after the latter was discharged from the hospital. And he was slapped out of nowhere when he told Sungmin he likes him.
The second time was a few days after that, when Sungmin was helping his mom with the gardening on one evening. He told him the same thing, and got splashed by the water from an angry Sungmin.
The third time was at night. He was mistaken as a burglar who tried to enter Sungmin’s room and was beaten half dead before he could utter a word.
The fourth time was a few days ago. He was ignored, and that was the most hurt.
Tonight, he wants to say the same thing again, and he was determined.
"I won't give up."
***
To recover from an illness is not easy, and it still takes a lot of time. And Sungmin wasn’t an exception. He still didn't remember the doctors’ names, and sometimes he need to label every new thing in his house so that he won't forget the way to use them. Because there were a lot of technologies evolved in the past three years. But to know that he wasn’t trapped in the frame of time anymore was a relief to him. Because even though he’s late, he knew he was progressing.
One night, while he was trying to remember his classmates, or ex-classmates, the image of the empty bed appeared. The sound of a young laugh with a deep voice resonated in his eardrums, and his heart beat fast. His fingers were tracing the shape of the pendant he had hanging from his neck; it was a bird. He didn't remember where he got that thing, or who gave it to him, or when did he actually got it, but it was familiar, as if it was something that he really wanted to have and he had it in the end.
His fingers moved, from his neck to his lips. There was a memory of that lips being pressed by an overwhelming warmness, gentle flesh that captured him silent. And he had a memory of falling in love, with someone who he didn't remember.
A missing puzzle.
***
Kyuhyun’s body slouched outside the door, just when his thumb was about to press the doorbell. He was in front of Sungmin’s door. He wanted to see Sungmin. He wanted Sungmin to remember him. He wanted to say ‘I like you’ once again to Sungmin, and make sure that Sungmin will remember it this time.
He should have listen to his mother earlier, to wait until tomorrow when he told her that he wanted to visit a friend. Because it was cold that night, and it was raining earlier too. But Kyuhyun didn't care. He knew it, he missed Lee Sungmin.
I don't care if he won't remember me
He stood up again, and put his right thumb on the pinkish doorbell with a glittering heart on it.
I don't care if he chases me after I tell him who I am and why I’m here
He pressed it once, and stood still, as if he was electrify.
As long as he will remember me the next time I come again
The door opened, but he was halfway across the yard, wanting to exit the gate of the simple house as fast as he could. Just then, he heard footsteps rushing behind him, sounds of shoes clashing against the decorating rocks on the pavement chasing him. as he turned around, a pair of hands were grabbing his arms. Kyuhyun was stunned.
Lee Sungmin was looking at him with a serious look.
“Speak. I need to hear your voice.”
“Err...hi?”
“More. A bit more.”
“I miss you.”
Sungmin smiled. He slid his hands from Kyuhyun’s forearms to his hands, clenching and warming them at the same time.
“What’s your name?”
“Cho Kyuhyun.”
“So you’re my missing puzzle.”
Kyuhyun just knew it, he won't be chased from Sungmin’s house again.
Not this time.
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