more insanity~!
I don't own TH, WK or LotR
part 1
part 2
Saruman: OMG, MY TRADITIONAL THIRD AGE SNOW GARDEN! YOU WALKED RIGHT THROUGH IT! DIE!
[Powerful and incredibly intimidating snow storm threatens the lives of The Fellowship]
Omi: Wow, this was like the worst idea ever.
Youji: Seriously. Whose idea was it to come this way?
Fellowship: [glares at Gandalf]
Gandalf: Oh, bite me. You guys have a better plan?
Ken: Well if you can’t go over it…
[Later that month, at the doors of Moria]
Bill: So how do we get in?
Ken: Um… maybe we should knock?
Bill: Omg. [wanders off to sit by the lake]
Omi: Well judging by the inscription there I’d say we’re dealing with a First Age concealing spell. If I can pinpoint the century through carbon dating, that would leave us with a relatively short list of possible passwords popular for the times… [begins pulling equipment out of his pack]
Georg: Why don’t we just try to solve the riddle?
Omi: Because that’s Gandalf’s expertise and for some reason he’s in kind of a snit about having to come this way and is refusing to help.
Georg: Oh.
Bill: [in the distance] Ich muss durch den monsun…
Gustav: God, this sucks. I just wanna go home.
Tom: Word.
Omi: Georg, can you get me a sample of the stone and then attach these sensors to the outline of the door?
Bill: …hinter die welt…
Gustav: I’d even rather be on tour, stuck in that fucking bus for hours.
Tom: [dreamily] Yeah… on the way to somewhere warm.
Omi: Good, good. Now if these readings are correct I can just look up 14th century dwarvin mining entrance standards and… oh. This gonna take awhile.
Georg: How the hell are you are you getting a Wi-Fi signal out here??
Bill: …ans ende der zeit…
Gustav: Like Barcelona.
Tom: Or L.A.
Bill: …bi skein regen mehr fällt…
Gustav: Or Milan…
Doors to the Mines of Moria: [are not very picking about pronunciation these days and swing open invitingly]
Omi: …wtf?
[Aya and Youji emerge from behind a large boulder]
Youji: Oh, hey, good work chibi. That was fast.
Omi: But I- I don’t- [is bewildered]
Bill: …gegen den sturm am- [stops abruptly when he sees the lake water move]
Tom: [runs to fetch Bill] Hey, let’s go! The doors are open.
[Lake water laps at the shore suddenly.]
Bill: Did you hear that?
Tom: All I heard was you singing.
Bill: Hm… [they turn to walk away]
[Something emerges from the lake and seizes Bill and Tom in its long, slimy tentacles]
Crazed TH Fangirl-Monster: OMG, IT’S YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!1 I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!!! I LOVE TOKIO HOTEL MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF!!!!! AND I’M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU BOTH AND YET AT THIS PRESENT MOMENT I CAN’T SEEM TO DO ANYTHING MORE COHERENT THAN SCREAM SHRILLY IN YOUR FACES: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!ONE!!!!!!!!!!!1
Omi: Oh no! Bill-kun! Tom-kun! What is that thing?
Aya: [grabs Omi’s sword] Questions later, denying of the tomorrows now.
Crazed TH Fangirl-Monster: [still screaming unintelligibly at Bill and Tom]
Aya: [chops off the tentacles holding the twins]
Crazed TH Fangirl-Monster: OMG, OW!! LOVE HUUUURTZ!!!!!
[Aya grabs the twins and The Fellowship runs through the mine entrance which then collapses behind them from the hypersonic, hysterical howls of a Crazed TH Fangirl-Monster, deprived of her photo with the boys.]
Omi: Wow, that was close! Are you guys okay?
Bill and Tom: WHAT?
Omi: Never mind.
Ken: Dude, why are there dead and decaying bodies everywhere?
Gandalf: What’s that? Oh yeah. It’s time for my I-Told-You-So dance. Here I go.
Omi: Oh man. This was like the worst idea ever.
Youji: And yet if it gets the old guy to stop dancing, I feel the need to press on.
[Some indeterminable amount of time later]
Ken: I see day light! [runs recklessly into a tomb]
The Rest of The Fellowship: [hurry to keep up]
Youji: Wow, it’s totally creepy in here.
Gandalf: Oh, look! An Old, Dusty, Bloody, and Spider web-y, tome. I think I’ll pick it up and read you all a morbid passage about entrapment and unavoidable death.
Bill: [not paying attention, backs into a skeleton] Oh, EW! [knocks it down a well as he tries to get away] …Oops.
The Fellowship: [waits for the awful clanging to stop for several awkward minutes]
Gandalf: [rounds on Bill] WTF IS WRONG WITH-
Bill: [pouting slightly, eyes watery, looking angelic and absolutely repentant]
Gandalf: -oh. Well I… I’m sure you didn’t mean to. Just… Just make sure you’re more careful from now on.
Bill: [nods innocently and then shares a smirk with Tom after Gandalf has turn away]
Ken: Well, there’s no avoiding the inevitable battle now.
Youji: You sound far too pleased about this.
Ken: Hey, it is in my character to be a little unhinged when it comes to spilling blood.
Youji: You know, you’re right. And it’s in my character to refuse missions that don’t involve beautiful women, so if you’ll all excuse me I think I’m gonna sit this one out.
Aya: [glares]
Evil Goblins: [attack]
The Fellowship: [fights back]
Georg: [gets stabbed again] God dammit, I’m so fucking sick of this shit!
Omi: Georg! Are you okay??
Georg: I just got fucking stabbed by a cave troll! What do you think?
Omi: But you’re wearing the mithril, right?
Georg: No! That dude was fucking scary! No way was I wearing anything of his after he tried to jump me!
Gustav: So basically you’re going to die because you were scared of some old dude’s shiny undershirt?
Georg: Pretty much, yeah.
Omi: We have to get out of here before Georg bleeds to death! If we can just finish the level all his health points will be restored to normal!
The Fellowship: [run for their lives, except for Georg, whose life is currently pouring out of a gaping chest wound and thus needs to be carried]
Omi: We’re almost there! We just need to climb down these decaying stone steps! Never mind the eerie calm that has settled over the place and is surely heralding the arrival of something truly awful!
Youji: Now do you see why he’s the one who gets to carry the sword in this story?
Aya: Shut up.
The Fellowship: [reach and cross the bridge just as the Balrog appears]
Balrog: WTF, who woke me up with all that noise?? I’m gonna- Gandalf… Gandalf, baby, is that you?
Gandalf: [is attempting to hide behind the rest of The Fellowship who have stopped and turned to gape at the talking fire-demon]
Balrog: OMG, it is you! Oh, sweetie it’s been forever!
Gandalf: [tentatively walks towards the Belrog] Um… yeah, look, I know I never-
Balrog: WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?? YOUR NOTE SAID ‘OUT FOR MILK’!!! IT DOESN’T TAKE FORTY YEARS TO GET A CARTON OF MILK, THE DAIRY’S RIGHT AROUND THE FUCKING CORNER!!!!!!!!!!1
Gandalf: I know, I can explain…
Balrog: YOU CAN EXPLAIN ALL YOU WANT AT HOME! LET’S GO!
Gandalf: [meekly follows the Balrog across the bridge and back into the depths of Moria]
The Fellowship: …
Georg: [gets ready to die again]
Omi: Gah! We have to leave the mine to complete the level!!
The Fellowship: [hurries out of the mine and into the bright daylight]
Georg: Wow, I feel better already.
Bill: Sooo… I’m guessing that was the reason Gandalf didn’t want to come this way?
Omi: Apparently.
Youji: Poor guy. I know how it feels to be caught in a situation like that… Some people just don’t know how to let go of a good thing.
Aya: [rolls his eyes and then glares]
part 1
part 2
Saruman: OMG, MY TRADITIONAL THIRD AGE SNOW GARDEN! YOU WALKED RIGHT THROUGH IT! DIE!
[Powerful and incredibly intimidating snow storm threatens the lives of The Fellowship]
Omi: Wow, this was like the worst idea ever.
Youji: Seriously. Whose idea was it to come this way?
Fellowship: [glares at Gandalf]
Gandalf: Oh, bite me. You guys have a better plan?
Ken: Well if you can’t go over it…
[Later that month, at the doors of Moria]
Bill: So how do we get in?
Ken: Um… maybe we should knock?
Bill: Omg. [wanders off to sit by the lake]
Omi: Well judging by the inscription there I’d say we’re dealing with a First Age concealing spell. If I can pinpoint the century through carbon dating, that would leave us with a relatively short list of possible passwords popular for the times… [begins pulling equipment out of his pack]
Georg: Why don’t we just try to solve the riddle?
Omi: Because that’s Gandalf’s expertise and for some reason he’s in kind of a snit about having to come this way and is refusing to help.
Georg: Oh.
Bill: [in the distance] Ich muss durch den monsun…
Gustav: God, this sucks. I just wanna go home.
Tom: Word.
Omi: Georg, can you get me a sample of the stone and then attach these sensors to the outline of the door?
Bill: …hinter die welt…
Gustav: I’d even rather be on tour, stuck in that fucking bus for hours.
Tom: [dreamily] Yeah… on the way to somewhere warm.
Omi: Good, good. Now if these readings are correct I can just look up 14th century dwarvin mining entrance standards and… oh. This gonna take awhile.
Georg: How the hell are you are you getting a Wi-Fi signal out here??
Bill: …ans ende der zeit…
Gustav: Like Barcelona.
Tom: Or L.A.
Bill: …bi skein regen mehr fällt…
Gustav: Or Milan…
Doors to the Mines of Moria: [are not very picking about pronunciation these days and swing open invitingly]
Omi: …wtf?
[Aya and Youji emerge from behind a large boulder]
Youji: Oh, hey, good work chibi. That was fast.
Omi: But I- I don’t- [is bewildered]
Bill: …gegen den sturm am- [stops abruptly when he sees the lake water move]
Tom: [runs to fetch Bill] Hey, let’s go! The doors are open.
[Lake water laps at the shore suddenly.]
Bill: Did you hear that?
Tom: All I heard was you singing.
Bill: Hm… [they turn to walk away]
[Something emerges from the lake and seizes Bill and Tom in its long, slimy tentacles]
Crazed TH Fangirl-Monster: OMG, IT’S YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!1 I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!!! I LOVE TOKIO HOTEL MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF!!!!! AND I’M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU BOTH AND YET AT THIS PRESENT MOMENT I CAN’T SEEM TO DO ANYTHING MORE COHERENT THAN SCREAM SHRILLY IN YOUR FACES: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!ONE!!!!!!!!!!!1
Omi: Oh no! Bill-kun! Tom-kun! What is that thing?
Aya: [grabs Omi’s sword] Questions later, denying of the tomorrows now.
Crazed TH Fangirl-Monster: [still screaming unintelligibly at Bill and Tom]
Aya: [chops off the tentacles holding the twins]
Crazed TH Fangirl-Monster: OMG, OW!! LOVE HUUUURTZ!!!!!
[Aya grabs the twins and The Fellowship runs through the mine entrance which then collapses behind them from the hypersonic, hysterical howls of a Crazed TH Fangirl-Monster, deprived of her photo with the boys.]
Omi: Wow, that was close! Are you guys okay?
Bill and Tom: WHAT?
Omi: Never mind.
Ken: Dude, why are there dead and decaying bodies everywhere?
Gandalf: What’s that? Oh yeah. It’s time for my I-Told-You-So dance. Here I go.
Omi: Oh man. This was like the worst idea ever.
Youji: And yet if it gets the old guy to stop dancing, I feel the need to press on.
[Some indeterminable amount of time later]
Ken: I see day light! [runs recklessly into a tomb]
The Rest of The Fellowship: [hurry to keep up]
Youji: Wow, it’s totally creepy in here.
Gandalf: Oh, look! An Old, Dusty, Bloody, and Spider web-y, tome. I think I’ll pick it up and read you all a morbid passage about entrapment and unavoidable death.
Bill: [not paying attention, backs into a skeleton] Oh, EW! [knocks it down a well as he tries to get away] …Oops.
The Fellowship: [waits for the awful clanging to stop for several awkward minutes]
Gandalf: [rounds on Bill] WTF IS WRONG WITH-
Bill: [pouting slightly, eyes watery, looking angelic and absolutely repentant]
Gandalf: -oh. Well I… I’m sure you didn’t mean to. Just… Just make sure you’re more careful from now on.
Bill: [nods innocently and then shares a smirk with Tom after Gandalf has turn away]
Ken: Well, there’s no avoiding the inevitable battle now.
Youji: You sound far too pleased about this.
Ken: Hey, it is in my character to be a little unhinged when it comes to spilling blood.
Youji: You know, you’re right. And it’s in my character to refuse missions that don’t involve beautiful women, so if you’ll all excuse me I think I’m gonna sit this one out.
Aya: [glares]
Evil Goblins: [attack]
The Fellowship: [fights back]
Georg: [gets stabbed again] God dammit, I’m so fucking sick of this shit!
Omi: Georg! Are you okay??
Georg: I just got fucking stabbed by a cave troll! What do you think?
Omi: But you’re wearing the mithril, right?
Georg: No! That dude was fucking scary! No way was I wearing anything of his after he tried to jump me!
Gustav: So basically you’re going to die because you were scared of some old dude’s shiny undershirt?
Georg: Pretty much, yeah.
Omi: We have to get out of here before Georg bleeds to death! If we can just finish the level all his health points will be restored to normal!
The Fellowship: [run for their lives, except for Georg, whose life is currently pouring out of a gaping chest wound and thus needs to be carried]
Omi: We’re almost there! We just need to climb down these decaying stone steps! Never mind the eerie calm that has settled over the place and is surely heralding the arrival of something truly awful!
Youji: Now do you see why he’s the one who gets to carry the sword in this story?
Aya: Shut up.
The Fellowship: [reach and cross the bridge just as the Balrog appears]
Balrog: WTF, who woke me up with all that noise?? I’m gonna- Gandalf… Gandalf, baby, is that you?
Gandalf: [is attempting to hide behind the rest of The Fellowship who have stopped and turned to gape at the talking fire-demon]
Balrog: OMG, it is you! Oh, sweetie it’s been forever!
Gandalf: [tentatively walks towards the Belrog] Um… yeah, look, I know I never-
Balrog: WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?? YOUR NOTE SAID ‘OUT FOR MILK’!!! IT DOESN’T TAKE FORTY YEARS TO GET A CARTON OF MILK, THE DAIRY’S RIGHT AROUND THE FUCKING CORNER!!!!!!!!!!1
Gandalf: I know, I can explain…
Balrog: YOU CAN EXPLAIN ALL YOU WANT AT HOME! LET’S GO!
Gandalf: [meekly follows the Balrog across the bridge and back into the depths of Moria]
The Fellowship: …
Georg: [gets ready to die again]
Omi: Gah! We have to leave the mine to complete the level!!
The Fellowship: [hurries out of the mine and into the bright daylight]
Georg: Wow, I feel better already.
Bill: Sooo… I’m guessing that was the reason Gandalf didn’t want to come this way?
Omi: Apparently.
Youji: Poor guy. I know how it feels to be caught in a situation like that… Some people just don’t know how to let go of a good thing.
Aya: [rolls his eyes and then glares]