fic: Maybe We'll Look Back and Laugh (K/S)
Title: Maybe We'll Look Back and Laugh
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Warnings/Spoilers: none/parts of ST XI
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or the characters portrayed herein
Summary: Jim and Spock wake up as nine-year-olds. Antics ensue.
Jim woke slowly, trying uselessly to hold onto the dream he'd been having. He kept his eyes closed and tried to remember but all he could see were flashes of blue and gold; strange plants and space. He'd had a ship in his dream. He'd been in Starfleet and he'd had a ship and the thought made him smile faintly. When he was old enough he was going to join the 'fleet, ship out with his mom and never come back to Earth.
Jim opened his eyes and froze. He wasn't in his room. It kind of looked like a hospital, but not any hospital he'd ever been to and Jim had been to quite a few. It was weirdly spacious but then he wasn't exactly in a separate room. In fact another boy lay in the bed right next to his. He looked about Jim's age, but definitely not human -- not with those ears.
Suspicion started to set in when Jim looked down and there was no IV in his hand, no casts on his appendages or bandages around his head. He wasn't even wearing a stupid hospital gown or a patient's ident bracelet.
Maybe he'd caught something at school that made him pass out? But if he was sick then why wasn't he in his own room? Maybe the other boy had it too? He wondered if they'd contacted his mom yet. If he was sick, she should know. Maybe she'd come home if it was really bad.
When he turned around to get a look at his vitals, though, everything was normal. He didn't feel sick and his vitals weren't weird and he wasn't even sure this was a hospital at all.
"Ah, you're awake," a voice said behind him and Jim whipped around, startled. The man was already scanning him with a tricorder, brows drawn together over whatever he was reading.
“Where am I?” Jim asked, his voice high despite his efforts to stay calm.
The man looked him in the eye and hesitated. Like he'd just changed his mind about what he was going to say. Like he'd decided to lie instead. Jim bristled.
“Look, Jim, I don’t-”
“How do you know my name?” Jim demanded, not caring that his voice was climbing in pitch.
The man sighed and took a step forward. “It’s complicated and I’ll try to explain, but I need you to calm down.”
“Explain?” Jim scooted up on the bed away from the stranger, eyes quickly scanning the room. The only other person was the alien boy who was awake now and looking at him. “What’s there to explain? Just tell me where I-” Jim froze, a sudden rush of panic making his breathing stutter. “He actually did it.”
The man looked confused. “What?” He took another step closer and Jim shot up, standing on the bed so he was a few inches taller than the stranger.
“You’re not gonna get away with this!” Jim said, hands curling into fists. “When my mom gets back planet side she’s gonna call the police; they’ll find me.”
“Jim, you need to calm down. No one’s calling the police, we can explain everything.” He moved forward again and Jim almost fell off the bed trying to move away from his out-stretched hand.
“Don’t touch me!” Jim yelled, and for a moment the man looked exasperated before a strange look crossed his face and he crumpled to the ground.
Jim gaped at the boy standing on the biobed across from his. He retracted his hand slowly and looked up to meet Jim’s stare.
“He will regain his motor functions shortly. As I am not a fully grown Vulcan I do not yet posses the strength and precision needed to render an adult unconscious.”
Jim stared for awhile longer and then asked, “Vulcan?”
“Indeed,” the boy replied. “I am Spock.”
“I’m Jim,” he said, offering a hand which Spock pointedly did not take. Jim pulled it back and wiped his palm on his jeans before asking, “Did they kidnap you too?”
“Kidnap?”
“Yeah,” Jim looked down at the man who was now wheezing on the floor. He climbed down from the other side of the bed and Spock did the same without hesitation. “I pissed my step-dad off and he said he was gonna sell me instead.”
“Instead?”
Jim glanced at the other boy and said, “Never mind.”
Spock raised an eyebrow but did not ask again.
“We gotta get out of here before he wakes up.”
“He is not unconscious. It is likely he can hear everything we are saying,” Spock said far too calmly for Jim’s liking.
“What? Fuck, let’s go then!” He grabbed the sleeve of Spock’s weird robe and pulled him through the sliding doors.
The hall on the other side could have belonged to a space port, Jim thought. If they were forced onto a ship and into space, how would anyone ever find them?
A man in red rounded the corner and Jim skidded to a halt, Spock running into his side. The man stopped too and they stared at each other briefly. “Where are you going?” he asked, casually blocking their way.
Before Jim could even begin to think of an answer, a woman behind them yelled, "Captain, come back here!" and the man in red looked up and then back down at them, obviously confused.
Jim didn't know what was going on either, but he wasn't about to stick around and find out. “Come on,” he whispered to Spock, giving his sleeve a violent tug as he took off down the hall.
“Stop them!” the woman yelled and as the man's hand landed on his shoulder, Jim was pleased to note that Spock could run in that robe. He twisted out of the man’s grasp, pulling him off balance, and then kicked him in the shin before sprinting after the Vulcan boy.
Two boys racing down the halls of the port was obviously an unusual sight as people stared after them, their pursuant having to dodge between those who stopped to gawk.
The interference gained them a considerable lead, so when they finally entered an empty hall, Jim reached out and dragged Spock through the closest doors that opened for them. They stopped just inside, straining to hear any sign that they were still being chased. After a minute of tense silence, Jim released his grip on Spock’s sleeve, taking a few steps back from the other boy.
Spock was barely breathing hard, but his eyes took in their surroundings in a way that was anything but calm and collected.
“Please explain your actions,” Spock said eventually, the hushed tone not masking the accusation in his voice. “The man in the medical bay was wearing a Starfleet uniform. Additionally I have no reason to believe that I was sold to off-world slave traffickers as you seem to believe you were.”
Jim crossed his arms. “Well maybe they just took you from Vulcan, huh? Maybe the trade operators got their hands on some Starfleet uniforms to put up a legitimate front. Because who’s gonna question a guy in science blues, huh?” He didn't bother trying to keep his voice from sounding snide, and Spock’s brow furrowed in response.
“Please refrain from allowing your emotions to impair your judgment over the severity of the situation. It is possible there has simply been a misunderstanding.”
Jim scoffed. “Then why’d you take that guy down and run with me, if it’s not as bad as I think it is?”
Spock looked at him for a beat before answering, “I admit to getting caught up in the moment. However, when one is being chased by an older and potentially stronger party with perceptively malicious intentions, the logical response is flight.”
Jim had to laugh a little at that. “You were scared; I get it.”
“Vulcans do not perceive emotions the way humans do. It is illogical to-”
“Okay, whatever, you don’t get scared; that’s not the point. The point is if you’re gonna go back, leave now so I can find a new hiding spot and hopefully a computer terminal.”
They stared at each other for several moments. Jim tried to ignore the part of himself that hoped Spock would stay. He could do this on his own if he needed to. He did everything on his own and it was better that way, with no one else to worry about.
“Locating the nearest computer terminal with intersolar communication capabilities does appear to be the most logical course of action. We can establish contact with our parents and thus confirm from reliable sources the reasons for our location on this port.”
Jim grinned despite himself and hit Spock on the shoulder playfully. Spock glanced down to where he had been hit and then back up at Jim. He offered no explanation, however, simply stepped closer and grabbed Spock's sleeve again.
"Okay, then. Let's see if the coast is clear."
Spock's brow furrowed minutely at the idiom, but Jim was already stepping towards the door. It slid open silently and he peeked out into the deserted hall.
"Alright, let's go," he whispered, forcing Spock to follow closely behind thanks to his captive sleeve.
"Jim," Spock whispered after a few steps, tugging against Jim's handful. "I am capable of following on my own."
"I know," Jim said back, but didn't let go. Instead he briefly considered humming his own secret agent theme music as he hugged the wall and glanced around a corner.
"There is no one coming," Spock said, still whispering despite his assurance.
"How do you know?"
"I would be able to hear them."
Jim turned and Spock took a quick step back. "Really?"
"Yes."
"Okay, then you lead. No use finding a computer if we get caught before we can use it."
Spock nodded and moved in front of Jim to round the corner. Jim relinquished his hold on Spock's sleeve but walked close enough reach out and grab it if he needed to. Just in case.
Two hallways and three brief but panic-ridden stops later, they came upon an intra-ship communications terminal.
They both stopped and seemed to come to the same conclusion when Spock said, "We can use this to find a calling-computer--" and Jim finished with, "--But the port security will know once we touch it." They shared a look.
"We'll just have to be quick," Jim said with a grin. "Cover me."
Spock's eyebrows shot up and Jim amended with, "I mean, watch my back."
This time his eyebrows came together in obvious confusion.
"Just- nevermind," Jim sighed and stood on his toes to reach the screen.
The system was easy enough to navigate and it only took two minutes, but it seemed like so much longer with Spock breathing steadily at his shoulder.
As soon as the screen came up with the room number for the calling stations they were off. There was one directly beneath them but they both passed the lift, silently agreeing that using it would be too much of an invitation for entrapment.
Jim followed the gently curving hallway wall with one hand, counting off doorways as his eyes scanned for personnel. When Spock grabbed his arm and practically yanked him through the door he was passing, Jim nearly laughed out loud.
"I'm capable of following on my own," he teased and felt like laughing again when something that could maybe be amusement flashed across Spock's face.
He turned to take in the room full of calling stations, all ready to bring them help.
"Alright," Jim said, sliding onto the chair of the nearest one. "Let's call your parents first. I don't even know if I'll be able to reach my mom right now."
Jim typed in the planetary calling code for Vulcan and frowned. He typed it again and then turned to Spock. "Is that wrong?"
Spock shook his head, a small crease forming between his brows. "Perhaps they have disabled calling capabilities?"
Jim typed in the code for Earth and a picture of the globe appeared with instructions to choose from the list of 300 countries currently found on Terra.
They both stared at the screen as Jim retyped the code for Vulcan. When nothing came up again, Jim couldn't help the shiver that ran up his back.
"It's like it's just..."
"Dead," Spock said quietly.
"What?" Jim demanded. That was quite a conclusion to jump to and Spock looked like he had jumped right to the mental break-down. "Why would you say that?"
"I can feel the void. I did not wish to acknowledge its presence, but it is all-encompassing. It swallowed my mother."
Jim stared at Spock, who was staring at nothing, and considered shaking the other boy. "Spock you're not making any sense. What does this have to do with your mom?"
"She is dead. She must be dead; I cannot feel her and she is Human, she has no psychic shields. She would never be able to block our bond like this. She is dead."
Spock was falling apart before his eyes and even Jim could hear the voices carrying down the hall on the other side of the door. For the first time in his life, Jim couldn't think of a way out.
"Spock," he said softly, hands raised as he stepped towards the boy who was now crouched on the floor, shaking. "Spock, you don't know that she's dead. Maybe your psychic bond thing doesn't work as well over long distances. You know, maybe we're just really far away from her and Vulcan. So far the intersolars can't even call it!" Spock swallowed audibly and closed his eyes. "Or maybe they've got some crazy anti-psy device that blocks all psychic activity. And they didn't bother blocking calls to Earth because they know that I don't have anyone there I can call. And..." Jim paused, his breathing matched with Spock's. He felt so damn helpless and scared and any second someone was going to come through that door--
It slid open like some sort of sick betrayal and Jim spun to face the woman who entered, blocking Spock with his body. She pulled up short when she saw him and the door slid shut behind her.
"What did you do to him?" she asked, and Jim scowled.
When she took a step towards them Jim spread his arms and yelled, "Stay away from him."
"I just want to help him," she said, sounding just as angry, though not nearly as loud.
Jim was about to say something particularly rude when a small hand came to rest on his shoulder and Jim had a horrifying moment to think, 'Oh god, he's gonna knock me out too and leave with this bitch.' But the hand tightened only enough to shove Jim forward and then they were pushing past the woman who seemed so stunned she could only yell, "Spock!" before the door closed behind them.
Jim pulled them through the next nearest doorway -- into a conference room of some sort -- and hit the locks to override the auto-open. It wouldn't last, he knew, but it would buy them some time to screw with the controls. Climbing onto a chair, Jim popped open the maintenance hatch and started pulling wires. The lights went out first, something powered down in the back corner and then finally with a few more yanks the door made a sad hissing sound, but remained closed.
Jim listened, heart in his throat, as several voices tried their command override codes. Nothing opened the door. Someone called for a 'Scotty' to get to deck G as soon as possible. Jim pulled out a few more parts just to be safe.
Then he jumped down and turned to the boy who was seated on the floor, eyes closed, seemingly at rest.
"Spock?" Jim asked quietly as the voices in the corridor faded. Spock made no response to indicate he had heard. Jim reached out a hand to shake him but Spock caught it before he could make contact.
"Please refrain," was all he said before dropping Jim's hand. He hadn't even opened his eyes. Jim couldn't begin to understand, but he didn't try to rouse the other boy again. Instead he sat next to Spock on the floor and waited.
More voices had come and gone and returned again by the time Spock snapped out of it.
"They're cutting their way in," Jim blurted as soon as Spock's eyes opened. He didn't like being the only one to have to deal with this shit. "It'll probably take awhile because they're gonna try to fix the door controls before they just cut the whole thing off, but we're trapped either way."
"It does not matter," Spock said, cool and neutral.
"Are you kidding?" Jim balked. "Of course it matters, they fucking kidnapped us!"
"Your deduction is illogical. As is your outrage."
"My outrage? What's illogical is your fucking indifference all of a sudden! We need to get out of here!"
"There is no point. Vulcan is gone."
Jim gripped at his hair. He'd sat here for an hour waiting for Spock, just to find out he'd already decided to give up? Well fuck that. And fuck Spock too.
"So what if it is?" he snapped, not missing the way Spock flinched a little. "You're half human; why does everything have to be about Vulcan? That's a great way to show your mom you love her." Spock's brows flew together but it was better than a blank look of apathy. Plus he'd be able to vent is panic better if Spock fought back.
But he didn't fight back. Spock stared at him, his features softening slowly, and then he broke eye contact to stare at the floor instead. Jim watched him for a beat before turning and stalking off to the other side of the room. He didn't need Spock's help to find a way out.
Half an hour later he was questioning this conclusion. Maybe he should ask for Spock's help. Or at least a boost up towards the air vent. The chair on the chair on the table hadn't been a good idea.
Jim crossed the room back to where Spock had yet to move. He opened his mouth and Spock looked up, pinning him with a gaze that was so emotional Jim forgot what he'd been about to say. Spock looked sad and lost and confused, and Jim didn't know what to do besides sit back down next to him.
"I am half human," Spock said, his voice low and steady. "Even if Vulcan is still in existence, I am half human."
Jim didn't know what to say when Spock paused, so he clenched his hands together and waited.
Eventually Spock continued. "I acted out against those who spoke ill of my mother because I... love her," he said, as though to speak of 'love' was somehow physically difficult for him. Hell, Jim thought, it very well might be.
"But on Earth, love is commonplace. And I am part Earth just as I am part Vulcan."
Spock turned to Jim finally and said, "Do you love, Jim?"
'No,' he wanted to say, 'I don't love anyone because no one loves me.'
Instead he replied, "Everyone loves. They just might not realize it." It sounded like something his mother might have said once upon a time, and it made Jim almost as sad as it did happy to hear it come out of his own mouth.
"Yes. Love is not logical, but my mother loves Earth. Perhaps I will too."
Jim smiled and Spock's eyes relaxed in return. There were still sounds of people and equipment out in the hall, but for a moment Jim was content to sit and smile.
Until Spock started to fade. Jim reached out without thinking, but Spock's face was solid under his touch.
"Spock?" Jim asked, worried. Spock looked down at his own hands in his lap.
"Jim," he answered, grabbing the blonde's forearm. Jim could see through Spock now, to the wall behind him and he grabbed the other boy's hand.
"Stop; what's going on?"
"I do not know. There is a weightless sensation."
"Don't," Jim said, panic creeping into his voice, his eyes darting all over Spock's body. "Spock, don't leave me."
"I cannot control this." The grip on Jim's arm was almost painful until the pressure was gone suddenly, Spock's arms stopping at his shoulders as his face faded to a bare outline.
"Don't leave me!" Jim's voice cracked as he shouted, pleaded with his eyes and hands that could no longer grasp at Spock's sleeves.
There was a breathless pause as the two boys locked gazes, and then Spock was gone.
Jim fell forward into the space Spock had been sitting, the carpet still warm under his hands, and tried not to cry.
- - -
Spock woke suddenly, Jim's name on his lips. There was a weight against his chest: a warm body with blonde hair and a gold command shirt. Spock relaxed with relief for a moment, taking in their surroundings. He and Jim were laying beneath vaguely familiar thick, green foliage.
"Captain," Spock said, sitting up enough to roll Jim onto his back. He did not wake, though, even when Spock shook his shoulder.
"Jim."
Nothing.
Spock did not panic. He crawled from under the flora, recognizing it as the plant he and Jim had stopped to inspect during their collection mission. Their equipment was gone, but his communicator was still strapped to his waist. Spock dragged Jim out behind him and hailed the Enterprise.
"Spock?" came Nyota's voice almost immediately. Spock could easily recognize the surprise and hope in her tone.
"Correct," Spock answered, kneeling to check Jim's pulse. It was slow but strong.
"Is the captain with you?" she asked before Spock could continue.
"Yes, though he is unconscious and refusing to wake. We need to be beamed up immediately."
"I'll call down to Engineering now," she said and the transmission ended.
Spock pulled Jim into a sitting position and then hauled him up, easily supporting his dead weight. Jim's head lolled onto his shoulder and Spock held on tightly, counting Jim's shallow breaths against his neck until the tiny golden lights began to swarm around them.
McCoy was waiting in the transporter room when they arrived, with two nurses and a gurney. Spock answered all his questions as they hurried to sick bay: No, he did not know what was wrong, nor did he know how long Jim had been in this condition, Yes, he too had been sleeping and had woken on his own, No, he had not attempted to meld with the captain to ascertain his condition.
They lifted Jim onto a biobed and Spock thought of how he had just dreamed about Jim in this very same position, only much younger.
"Alright," McCoy said, pulling Spock from his thoughts. "You hail the bridge and get Sulu down here. Tell him Jim's still out of it."
"Doctor?" Spock asked, "Do you know what is going on?"
"Vaguely, but Sulu will be able to explain it better. I'm a doctor, not a botanist."
Spock lifted an eyebrow, but hailed the bridge without another word. Within minutes, Lt. Sulu was walking into the sick bay, armed with a padd and several data drives. Also he was smiling which, in this situation, Spock took to mean he should not worry unduly over the captain's condition.
"Commander," Sulu nodded politely. Spock nodded back and Sulu smiled again before admitting, "I'm not quite sure where to start with this, but here are the facts: You and the captain beamed down to the North East bio-dome on Flora Colony IV at approximately 0900 yesterday. We don't know if you were able to find and successfully collect the kumara hybrid we were sent here to collect, but we did find your equipment which appeared to be unused. And near the tools we found... well, we found you both, only... younger. Dr. McCoy was in the search party and confirmed the identities of both boys as yourself and Captain Kirk so we brought them both aboard. Both were unconscious just as the Captain is now. They woke this afternoon at approximately 1300 and to make a long story short, they've locked themselves in a conference room on G deck."
Sulu paused, clearly waiting for some sort of reaction. Spock thought he perhaps knew what he was supposed to say now.
"I do not need to hear the longer version of the story as I remember experiencing everything that happened to this younger version of myself."
Sulu beamed like that was exactly what he wanted to hear and handed Spock the padd.
"This is the plant we found your younger selves and tools next to." Spock could remember Jim pointing out the vivid purple flowers as they walked along the bio-dome's path. "It's known as the malmorpheus on its native planet. It took some research of all the flora we found in the area to realize the malmorpheus was probably responsible, but once I saw the effective qualities I knew this was it." Sulu gestured to the padd in Spock's hands. He looked down to read, but the Lieutenant began paraphrasing for him.
"Basically the morpheus flora are revered on their native planet for their psychological healing or rejuvenating properties. The plants are considered nearly-sentient by many but regardless of anyone's opinion on the matter, they certainly possess psychologically altering capabilities. The flora harnesses its target's own energies to create an astral projection of a former version of their self. The malmorpheus will send the target back to a traumatic point in their life and its symbiotic counterpart, the benmorpheus, will send them back to an exhilarating or joyous point in their life. You and the captain must have been hit by the same flower because both of you were sent back to approximately the same age and, based on your reactions, to a most likely traumatic point in your lives. There are have always been ongoing debates concerning people's opinions over the "intentions" of the morpheus plants, but I personally believe it has more to do with-"
"Lieutenant," Spock intertupted, having finished reading the file. "It says here the astral projection will be terminated upon peaceful conclusion of inner turmoil for the malmorpheus and successful recreation of contentment for the benmorpheus."
"Yes," Sulu confirmed. "Clearly something happened to release you from the astral projection, but not the captain since he's still out of it."
Spock's eye shot up from the padd. "Jim is still locked in the conference room?"
"Most likely," Sulu began but Spock was already through the doors of the sick bay.
He reached the conference room where Scotty was carefully cutting through the wall.
"Mister Scott," Spock said as soon as he had lowered the tool.
"Commander?" he returned, clearly shocked. "But I thought-"
"How close are you to being able to open these doors?" Spock interrupted.
"Well I just finished cutting through so as soon as I can pry this off, rewire the controls, or if need be re-route some auxiliary power to the door command to at least get inside and see what the little guy mucked up so spectacularly... well then you'll be able to get inside."
Spock did not scowl. Instead he asked, "How long will this take?"
Scott turned, carefully pried the wall apart and removed and reconnected a few wires. The doors whirred pathetically and remained closed. He turned back and shrugged apologetically. "It'll take a while."
'A while' turned out to be half an hour, Scott softly cursing the doors into compliance the whole time. Spock used the thirty minutes to consider what would happen when the doors opened. If Jim was still inside, he would most likely be upset. He had never enjoyed entrapment, self-imposed or otherwise.
If Jim was upset then he would most likely be further away from resolving the issues the malmorpheus had recalled through the astral projection. And Spock did not know enough about Jim at this point in his life to be able to make an educated guess as to what he would need for resolution.
A strange sound from the doors and Scott's triumphant proclamation pulled Spock from his thoughts. "Alright, give her a try," he said.
Spock stepped forward, breaking the sensors for the doors and as they slid open he had a moment to feel relief that Jim was still in the room before a small but solid body impacted with his own.
"What did you do with Spock?" Jim demanded, kicking and punching until Spock wrapped his hands around the boy's wrists and held him still. Through the contact of their skin Spock could feel Jim's anger, strong and unchecked, and his resolve, and under the boiling rage and determination a steady flow of fear and doubt.
"Please desist your struggling," Spock said, attempting to project calm.
"You took him!" Jim shouted still fighting uselessly against Spock's grip.
Spock shot a look at Scott and he took off, most likely headed for sick bay.
"I did not," Spock said. Jim glared up at him, finally really looking at who he was attacking and went still.
"You're Vulcan," he said softly. "Are you Spock's dad?"
"No," Spock said. He held Jim's gaze and answered, "I am Spock."
Jim glared and tugged at his wrists again. "Fuck off. I'll kill you if you've hurt him." Spock resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow. He should have guessed that Jim had been an angry child.
"We woke in sick bay and I stunned the doctor when he frightened you. We found the intersolar calling stations but were unable to reach Vulcan. We hid in this conference room until I disappeared."
"You could have seen any of that from a vid feed," Jim argued, but Spock could feel his anger ebbing.
"When I attempted to meditate in the conference room you tried to touch me and I stopped you with my hand. In that moment you felt fear and worry for me, but under that you felt worry that I would stop and leave you to deal on your own; that I would abandon you." Spock paused to kneel in front of Jim. He could only hope that this was what the boy needed to hear: "I will never abandon you."
Jim stared at him, eyes wide and vulnerable, and the tirade of emotions swarming through the boy almost forced Spock to break their contact. He opened his mouth and Spock was prepared for any argument but the one that came out, hushed and painful. "You can't promise that."
They stared at each other and Jim did not begin to fade away. When Mr. Scott returned with Dr. McCoy, Jim's defenses snapped back up and he pulled at Spock's grasp.
"Jim, please be calm. The doctor means you no harm." McCoy scowled but stopped in his tracks, hands presented as if in surrender.
"Then why don't you let me go?" Jim demanded. He was not prepared when Spock released his wrists, and stumbled backwards slightly.
"If you would please allow doctor McCoy to scan you, we can answer any questions you have." Jim glanced between the three men and then down the hall as if weighing his chances of getting away.
"Alright," he said eventually, turning towards McCoy but taking a step back towards Spock. McCoy ran the tricorder over Jim's body from as far away as possible and then nodded to Spock.
"Where am I?" Jim asked without preamble.
"You are on board the USS Enterprise," Spock explained, continuing before Jim could express any outrage. "There has been an accident and you find yourself presently much younger than your actually age. You are the captain of this Starship and I am your first officer."
"Spock," McCoy hissed, obviously displeased with the amount of information being disclosed. Spock ignored him; he had already made up his mind to lie to this boy as little as possible. Spock needed Jim to trust him.
Jim held Spock's gaze for several long moments before saying, "I want to talk to my mom."
"Very well," Spock agreed and stood.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" McCoy hissed at him as he passed, heading for the calling stations.
"I am simply allowing the captain to contact his mother," Spock answered without lowering his voice. Jim glanced between them and then pushed his way into the room he and Spock had been in earlier, hopping up onto the same consul chair as before.
Spock watched as he typed in the calling codes for Earth, North America, the United States, Iowa and finally his mother's home. Jim glanced at him again and Spock realized that this was a test. If his mother was not home, Jim would most likely deduce that she was still in space and thus Spock's explanation had been a lie.
Thankfully, Winona answered after only five rings, her face falling from pleasantly polite to shocked as soon as she turned on the view screen.
"Mom?" Jim said, sounding unsure and wary.
"Jimmy?" her eyes shot to Spock, standing in the background. "Spock what is going on?"
"You know this guy?" Jim demanded, glancing between Spock and the screen.
"Mrs. Kirk, there has been an accident, but your son is in good health. He merely wished to speak with you to ascertain the validity of my explanation."
"Which was?" she asked, clearly trying not to seem too upset. Spock appreciated her efforts.
"Jim and I were both placed under the influences of a flora known as the 'malmorpheus.' While the effects have terminated for me, Jim is still experiencing them," Spock left his explanation vague, hoping Jim's mother would get the hint and look up said effects on her own. He did not want to have to show Jim his own body laying in sick bay.
"And it's turned him into an eight-year-old?"
"Nine," Jim interjected grabbing his mother's attention again. She smiled at him and it was both fond and infinitely sad.
"Nine, huh?" Something passed between their gazes and Spock looked away, suddenly uncomfortable.
"So it's true then?" Jim asked eventually. "I'm really a Starship captain?"
Winona smiled and nodded. "Lord help us all."
Jim laughed and then smiled at his mother for the first time. She smiled back with her eyes though her mouth wavered. "I've gotta go, Jimmy, but you call me as soon as everything is back to normal, okay?"
"Okay," he agreed.
"And you keep looking after him, Commander," she added, looking at Spock.
"Understood," he answered. Jim signed off and Spock was not surprised that he did not give his mother the traditional parting of love of well-wishes.
Jim stared at the blank screen for several beats before he turned and asked, "Now what?"
Spock thought for a moment. "Are you in need of nourishment?"
Jim smiled suddenly, his brows lowering as he looked at Spock strangely. "You mean am I hungry?"
Spock nodded once.
"Yeah, I am." He slid down from the chair and shoved his hands in his pockets.
Spock led the way down to the mess which was fortunately relatively empty. By now the entire ship had undoubtedly heard about what had happened to the Captain. The few people who were in attendance turned to stare and Jim glared back, taking a discreet step closer to Spock as they headed towards the replicators.
Spock doubted the nutritious benefits of the meal Jim selected for himself, but found he had difficulty forcing Jim to choose something different.
Jim grinned at him around a mouthful of Earth pizza and it was so very familiar that Spock found himself smiling back gently.
"Spock." He turned to find Nyota standing next to their table.
"Hello," Spock said, pleasantly surprised. "Would you care to join us?"
"I can't. I'm just taking a short break, but I wanted to make sure you were well."
Spock nodded and watched Nyota's attention shift to Jim.
"Captain," she nodded, smiling softly and a bit ironically. Jim took another bite of his food and mumbled 'hey'. Nyota raised an eyebrow at Spock who mirrored the gesture.
"Okay, I'm done," Jim said suddenly, standing. Spock eyed Jim's plate; his meal was only half finished.
"You will be hungry again later if you do not eat now," Spock pointed out. Jim glared and picked up his plate before stomping out of the mess.
Spock shared a look with Nyota before standing as well and following after the boy.
Jim stopped finally in a deserted hallway, sliding down the wall and picking at his food.
"You are upset," Spock observed, though he did not understand why.
"Is she your girlfriend?" Jim asked. He didn't sound angry or upset, but he also refused to meet Spock's eyes.
"Why is that relevant?" Spock asked.
"You shouldn't have promised that stuff if you have a girlfriend. You can't be there for someone else if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or anything else. Because people do stupid stuff for people they're fucking and they don't even care that they're hurting the people they said they always loved most."
Spock could not pretend to understand what was going on in Jim's mind. He wished suddenly and illogically for this to be over so that he could talk to a Jim who trusted him and confided in him without speaking in riddles. Spock stared down at the boy as he made a mess of what remained of his meal and realized that logic was not going to help Jim the way it had helped him work through the trauma recreated by the malmorpheus. Jim would need action and emotion, and Spock did not know how to give him either of these things.
Still, Spock did not believe he was incorrect concerning his earlier conclusions about the traumatic emotions Jim needed to come to terms with.
And though Spock would never claim to be an expert on the motivations behind human words and actions, as he looked down at the boy sulking stubbornly in the halls of his own Starship he thought that perhaps he knew what to do.
"Jim," Spock said, undeterred when Jim did not look up to meet his gaze. "Will you please accompany me to my quarters?"
Jim did look at him then, and Spock recognized it as a look of suspicious disbelief.
"There is something I wish to show you."
He took his time about it, but eventually Jim was standing next to Spock, his dinner forgotten on the floor. Spock resisted the urge to clean it up before turning and making his way towards the lifts.
They walked in silence, Jim's hands shoved into his pants' pockets as he attempted to surreptitiously take in their surroundings.
"The temperature will most likely not be pleasing to you at first. I will adjust the controls," Spock said, and they went inside.
Jim did voice his displeasure and drop his coat to the ground as soon as the doors were closed, just as Spock had predicted. He lowered the temperature by several degrees, more so than he would have had Jim entered his rooms under normal circumstances.
"Please come here," Spock said, sitting down at his desk and starting up his computer. He opened a drawer as Jim made himself comfortable and pulled out the data drive Jim had given him earlier this year. He inserted it and opened one of the many files that he had only ever look through once, and then only at Jim's stubborn insistence.
"This is the first away mission you and I went on together," Spock said before clicking on an image file.
The picture that popped up had always made Jim laugh, but the young boy sitting next to him now merely pointed at himself and said, "That looks like my dad."
"That is you, at 25 years of age," Spock explained. Jim's eyes grew wide.
"Really?" Spock nodded. "And that's the doctor you knocked out?" Again, Spock nodded. "Why do you guys look so pissed off?"
Spock looked at the picture. He and Dr. McCoy did indeed look upset compared to Jim who stood between them, beaming at the camera.
"You were the one who insisted on the picture being taken. The Doctor and I were not eager to comply."
Jim grunted and crossed his arms. "Bet you guys get along great."
Spock could not tell if Jim was employing sarcasm at the moment but, just to be safe, he assured him, "Not at all," and clicked on a video file.
The screen changed to a view of similar scenery as the background of the previous picture. Jim's gold-clad arm reached into the frame and gently touched the vibrantly red foliage that the camera had been trained on. The leaves and blossoms quickly but gently folded up and away from his touch. He repeated the process with several other branches before swinging the camera around.
"Spock!" Jim's voice called from off-screen. Spock, who was now within the field of vision of the camera turned, tricorder held delicately in front of him. "C'mere!"
Spock watched himself approach Jim and the camera, which swung around again back to the flora.
"Watch," Jim's voice said, softly excited, and he reached out again to gently brush a finger down the stem of plant. The leaves immediately folded in upon each other.
"Interesting," Spock could hear his own voice say behind the camera. "The phenomenon is most likely a defense mechanism." The soft sounds from his tricorder could be heard and then the camera's view lowered as Jim's attention shifted away from what he was recording. The clip ended shortly after, cutting off the rest of Jim and Spock's conversation.
Spock glanced over at Jim who was still watching the computer screen. He clicked on several other picture files, letting Jim study them for several moments before moving to the next. They had gone through the first several away missions Jim and Spock had been on together before they reached the picture files Jim's mother had taken during Spock's first visit to the Kirk homestead in Iowa. Spock clicked more quickly through these pictures as many of them were vaguely embarrassing, even for Spock. The boy next to him laughed out loud at the picture of Spock on a tractor and Spock lingered a little longer on the photo.
Once they had viewed all the files, Spock removed the drive and Jim looked down at his hands.
When it didn't appear that he was going to comment, Spock said, "You gifted this drive to me on the anniversary of my birth several months ago. At the time you had said, jokingly, that pictures of myself in your presence were the best gift you could think to give. I did not disagree then, nor do I disagree now."
"So we're friends," Jim said; it was not a question, Spock was please to notice.
"We are."
"We're best friends."
"You are the closest friend I have ever had. I have served on the Enterprise for the past two years because of you, and I will continue to serve on the Enterprise so long as you are her Captain."
Jim kept his gaze averted. Spock noted that his breathing was slightly labored: a harsh inhale and exhale despite him not having exerted any energy recently.
"So you go where I go. And I get to go where you go?" Jim lifted his head and watched for Spock's answer with slightly moist eyes.
"That is correct," Spock said and did not dare even to blink as Jim assessed the honestly of his response. They stared at each other for several long moments until Jim blinked rapidly and looked down at his hands in confusion. They were beginning to fade.
"Spock?" Jim said, reaching for the half-Vulcan.
"Do not worry; the effects of the malmorpheus are simply terminating."
"I won't forget?" Jim asked as his grip vanished from Spock's hands.
Spock answered, "I did not forget. But if you do, I will remind you," and watched Jim disappear.
- - -
Leonard was alerted to Jim's change in status by the padd sitting on his desk. It flashed at him and he was out of his office before the message had finished scrolling across the screen.
Jim looked up as soon as he opened his office door and they stared at each other for several moments before the Captain grinned at him unabashedly.
"Sorry about earlier," he said, sounding completely unrepentant.
"Yeah, well," Leonard said as he ran a quick scan, not quite sure what to say. "You can make it up to me later."
Jim waited just long enough to get the go-ahead nod from him before bounding off the bio-bed.
"Sure, later," he agreed with a clap to the exact place mini-Spock had squeezed to take him down earlier. He growled and swatted at Jim as he hurried from the sick bay, laughing.
Leonard watched him go and then shook his head with a sigh. One of these days that man was going to kill him and then the whole ship would be in trouble. He sighed again and headed back to his office for a glass of medicinal relaxation.
- - -
Jim was pressing the buzzer to Spock's room before he realized that he had no idea what he was going to say.
Sitting in Spock's quarters one second and waking up in sick bay the next had been strange and more than a little disorienting, but he hadn't hesitated in making his way back here. To see Spock.
And let him know that he was okay, obviously.
The door opened and Jim smiled hesitantly.
"Hey."
Spock nodded in greeting as his eyes ran up and down Jim. "You are well?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. A little tired, but... yeah."
So maybe he should have thought about how awkward this could have been before he'd come running. Now that he thought about it, things had gotten pretty heavy today. Maybe that's why he was here? Because there was something new between him and Spock now?
Jim thought about it as they stood awkwardly, staring at each other, but nothing felt significantly changed within his feelings for Spock. He just felt... enlightened, maybe. And thankful. Yes. That had to be why he was here.
"I just wanted to say thanks. For everything. I really appreciate everything you said and that you didn't treat me like a kid. I used to hate that," he added with a short laugh.
Spock's eyes softened. "Everything I told your astral projection is true," he said, softly and solemnly. Jim could have sworn he actually felt something release in his chest at Spock's words. He wanted to say 'I know,' but honestly he hadn't known that Spock was here because of him, and not just his sense of duty to Starfleet or the Enterprise herself. He hadn't known that where he went Spock might want to follow or that wherever Spock went Jim was welcome to go too.
It was a strange feeling that this knowledge sparked inside him: like his chest was too tight and his veins hurt with whatever was passing through them.
The urge he sometimes got to do something crazy around Spock was back, but he reigned it in and smiled shakily instead.
"Thank you," he said again, stronger than he thought it might come out. Spock was looking at him intently, like maybe he could read Jim's mind without having to touch him and that was a scary thought because Spock could do anything if he really wanted to. "Well I guess I'm gonna go take a nap or something. Projecting an astral depiction of myself as a nine-year-old is pretty tiring."
"Indeed," Spock agreed after a beat, his expression softening again. "I will see you later this evening."
"Yeah, see ya."
Jim turned and walked away, and only after he heard the swoosh of Spock's door closing did he exhale loudly.
So he and Spock were closer friends than he'd ever imagined. That was good. That was great, and it only hurt a little that he was the only one feeling anything more than friendship. Because Spock would let him know if he wanted anything more. It was logical to be straightforward and blunt. It was logical to go for what you wanted.
Jim stopped in the middle of the hall and stared at his door, only a few feet away. It was too bad he wasn't a logical being. He thought of their day, of Spock's sleeve clutched in his hand and Spock young gaze locked with his and Spock leaving but coming back back for him, and made up his mind. Friendship was all he could ask for and friendship was all he would ask for.
"Jim," came Spock's voice from down the hall. Jim turned, saw Spock approaching and thought, 'fuck that.'
He met Spock half-way, wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed his First Officer for all he was worth. Spock's hands came up to rest on his hips almost immediately and Jim sighed, smiled, and pressed closer.
Eventually they pulled away from each other, but Jim stayed close enough so that he could lean in and kiss Spock again if he needed to. Just in case.
"I would explain myself," Spock said, "but I believe we are 'on the same page,' as you might say."
"You're probably right, but I never get tired of people telling me they want me."
Spock lifted an eyebrow delicately and Jim could only grin. His mind seemed to be racing -- what now? want to kiss him again. do half-Vulcans jump into bed before the first date? what does this mean? -- but his hands were steady as one ran up Spock's side, paused it his heart, and then ran back down to wrap around his waist. He brought the other down from where it had tangled in Spock's hair and held it between them. In all honesty he knew what to do, but he wanted Spock to show him. He wanted this to be new and not based on information he had learned from being a voyeur, if one could be considered a voyeur on his own damn bridge.
Spock, whether he knew what might be going on in Jim's mind or not, lifted a hand as well and slowly curled all but two fingers into his palm. Jim mimicked the move and then smiled when Spock gently touched the pads of their fingers together.
Jim immediately felt a sense of calm contentment wash over him and though he couldn't tell if it was his own or being pressed into him by Spock, he was content to believe that it came from both of them.
With the calm came a devastating wave of tiredness.
"You need sleep," Spock said softly and Jim nodded before he could stop himself. So to prove sleep was not the only thing he needed, Jim tightened his embrace and grazed the pads of his fingers down Spock's own.
Spock's other hand clenched briefly at his hip, but he remained otherwise unswayed. Jim decided to try another tactic.
"Come with me?" When Spock raised a speculative eyebrow at him, Jim added, "I swear I'm too tired to try anything."
"I find that difficult to believe," Spock answered, but his eyes smiled fondly at Jim who, encouraged despite Spock's words, took a step back. Spock followed and they shuffled towards Jim's door with improbable grace. It occurred to Jim that he would probably have a difficult time believing this had actually happened when they woke but damn, some day it was going to make one hell of a story.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Warnings/Spoilers: none/parts of ST XI
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or the characters portrayed herein
Summary: Jim and Spock wake up as nine-year-olds. Antics ensue.
Jim woke slowly, trying uselessly to hold onto the dream he'd been having. He kept his eyes closed and tried to remember but all he could see were flashes of blue and gold; strange plants and space. He'd had a ship in his dream. He'd been in Starfleet and he'd had a ship and the thought made him smile faintly. When he was old enough he was going to join the 'fleet, ship out with his mom and never come back to Earth.
Jim opened his eyes and froze. He wasn't in his room. It kind of looked like a hospital, but not any hospital he'd ever been to and Jim had been to quite a few. It was weirdly spacious but then he wasn't exactly in a separate room. In fact another boy lay in the bed right next to his. He looked about Jim's age, but definitely not human -- not with those ears.
Suspicion started to set in when Jim looked down and there was no IV in his hand, no casts on his appendages or bandages around his head. He wasn't even wearing a stupid hospital gown or a patient's ident bracelet.
Maybe he'd caught something at school that made him pass out? But if he was sick then why wasn't he in his own room? Maybe the other boy had it too? He wondered if they'd contacted his mom yet. If he was sick, she should know. Maybe she'd come home if it was really bad.
When he turned around to get a look at his vitals, though, everything was normal. He didn't feel sick and his vitals weren't weird and he wasn't even sure this was a hospital at all.
"Ah, you're awake," a voice said behind him and Jim whipped around, startled. The man was already scanning him with a tricorder, brows drawn together over whatever he was reading.
“Where am I?” Jim asked, his voice high despite his efforts to stay calm.
The man looked him in the eye and hesitated. Like he'd just changed his mind about what he was going to say. Like he'd decided to lie instead. Jim bristled.
“Look, Jim, I don’t-”
“How do you know my name?” Jim demanded, not caring that his voice was climbing in pitch.
The man sighed and took a step forward. “It’s complicated and I’ll try to explain, but I need you to calm down.”
“Explain?” Jim scooted up on the bed away from the stranger, eyes quickly scanning the room. The only other person was the alien boy who was awake now and looking at him. “What’s there to explain? Just tell me where I-” Jim froze, a sudden rush of panic making his breathing stutter. “He actually did it.”
The man looked confused. “What?” He took another step closer and Jim shot up, standing on the bed so he was a few inches taller than the stranger.
“You’re not gonna get away with this!” Jim said, hands curling into fists. “When my mom gets back planet side she’s gonna call the police; they’ll find me.”
“Jim, you need to calm down. No one’s calling the police, we can explain everything.” He moved forward again and Jim almost fell off the bed trying to move away from his out-stretched hand.
“Don’t touch me!” Jim yelled, and for a moment the man looked exasperated before a strange look crossed his face and he crumpled to the ground.
Jim gaped at the boy standing on the biobed across from his. He retracted his hand slowly and looked up to meet Jim’s stare.
“He will regain his motor functions shortly. As I am not a fully grown Vulcan I do not yet posses the strength and precision needed to render an adult unconscious.”
Jim stared for awhile longer and then asked, “Vulcan?”
“Indeed,” the boy replied. “I am Spock.”
“I’m Jim,” he said, offering a hand which Spock pointedly did not take. Jim pulled it back and wiped his palm on his jeans before asking, “Did they kidnap you too?”
“Kidnap?”
“Yeah,” Jim looked down at the man who was now wheezing on the floor. He climbed down from the other side of the bed and Spock did the same without hesitation. “I pissed my step-dad off and he said he was gonna sell me instead.”
“Instead?”
Jim glanced at the other boy and said, “Never mind.”
Spock raised an eyebrow but did not ask again.
“We gotta get out of here before he wakes up.”
“He is not unconscious. It is likely he can hear everything we are saying,” Spock said far too calmly for Jim’s liking.
“What? Fuck, let’s go then!” He grabbed the sleeve of Spock’s weird robe and pulled him through the sliding doors.
The hall on the other side could have belonged to a space port, Jim thought. If they were forced onto a ship and into space, how would anyone ever find them?
A man in red rounded the corner and Jim skidded to a halt, Spock running into his side. The man stopped too and they stared at each other briefly. “Where are you going?” he asked, casually blocking their way.
Before Jim could even begin to think of an answer, a woman behind them yelled, "Captain, come back here!" and the man in red looked up and then back down at them, obviously confused.
Jim didn't know what was going on either, but he wasn't about to stick around and find out. “Come on,” he whispered to Spock, giving his sleeve a violent tug as he took off down the hall.
“Stop them!” the woman yelled and as the man's hand landed on his shoulder, Jim was pleased to note that Spock could run in that robe. He twisted out of the man’s grasp, pulling him off balance, and then kicked him in the shin before sprinting after the Vulcan boy.
Two boys racing down the halls of the port was obviously an unusual sight as people stared after them, their pursuant having to dodge between those who stopped to gawk.
The interference gained them a considerable lead, so when they finally entered an empty hall, Jim reached out and dragged Spock through the closest doors that opened for them. They stopped just inside, straining to hear any sign that they were still being chased. After a minute of tense silence, Jim released his grip on Spock’s sleeve, taking a few steps back from the other boy.
Spock was barely breathing hard, but his eyes took in their surroundings in a way that was anything but calm and collected.
“Please explain your actions,” Spock said eventually, the hushed tone not masking the accusation in his voice. “The man in the medical bay was wearing a Starfleet uniform. Additionally I have no reason to believe that I was sold to off-world slave traffickers as you seem to believe you were.”
Jim crossed his arms. “Well maybe they just took you from Vulcan, huh? Maybe the trade operators got their hands on some Starfleet uniforms to put up a legitimate front. Because who’s gonna question a guy in science blues, huh?” He didn't bother trying to keep his voice from sounding snide, and Spock’s brow furrowed in response.
“Please refrain from allowing your emotions to impair your judgment over the severity of the situation. It is possible there has simply been a misunderstanding.”
Jim scoffed. “Then why’d you take that guy down and run with me, if it’s not as bad as I think it is?”
Spock looked at him for a beat before answering, “I admit to getting caught up in the moment. However, when one is being chased by an older and potentially stronger party with perceptively malicious intentions, the logical response is flight.”
Jim had to laugh a little at that. “You were scared; I get it.”
“Vulcans do not perceive emotions the way humans do. It is illogical to-”
“Okay, whatever, you don’t get scared; that’s not the point. The point is if you’re gonna go back, leave now so I can find a new hiding spot and hopefully a computer terminal.”
They stared at each other for several moments. Jim tried to ignore the part of himself that hoped Spock would stay. He could do this on his own if he needed to. He did everything on his own and it was better that way, with no one else to worry about.
“Locating the nearest computer terminal with intersolar communication capabilities does appear to be the most logical course of action. We can establish contact with our parents and thus confirm from reliable sources the reasons for our location on this port.”
Jim grinned despite himself and hit Spock on the shoulder playfully. Spock glanced down to where he had been hit and then back up at Jim. He offered no explanation, however, simply stepped closer and grabbed Spock's sleeve again.
"Okay, then. Let's see if the coast is clear."
Spock's brow furrowed minutely at the idiom, but Jim was already stepping towards the door. It slid open silently and he peeked out into the deserted hall.
"Alright, let's go," he whispered, forcing Spock to follow closely behind thanks to his captive sleeve.
"Jim," Spock whispered after a few steps, tugging against Jim's handful. "I am capable of following on my own."
"I know," Jim said back, but didn't let go. Instead he briefly considered humming his own secret agent theme music as he hugged the wall and glanced around a corner.
"There is no one coming," Spock said, still whispering despite his assurance.
"How do you know?"
"I would be able to hear them."
Jim turned and Spock took a quick step back. "Really?"
"Yes."
"Okay, then you lead. No use finding a computer if we get caught before we can use it."
Spock nodded and moved in front of Jim to round the corner. Jim relinquished his hold on Spock's sleeve but walked close enough reach out and grab it if he needed to. Just in case.
Two hallways and three brief but panic-ridden stops later, they came upon an intra-ship communications terminal.
They both stopped and seemed to come to the same conclusion when Spock said, "We can use this to find a calling-computer--" and Jim finished with, "--But the port security will know once we touch it." They shared a look.
"We'll just have to be quick," Jim said with a grin. "Cover me."
Spock's eyebrows shot up and Jim amended with, "I mean, watch my back."
This time his eyebrows came together in obvious confusion.
"Just- nevermind," Jim sighed and stood on his toes to reach the screen.
The system was easy enough to navigate and it only took two minutes, but it seemed like so much longer with Spock breathing steadily at his shoulder.
As soon as the screen came up with the room number for the calling stations they were off. There was one directly beneath them but they both passed the lift, silently agreeing that using it would be too much of an invitation for entrapment.
Jim followed the gently curving hallway wall with one hand, counting off doorways as his eyes scanned for personnel. When Spock grabbed his arm and practically yanked him through the door he was passing, Jim nearly laughed out loud.
"I'm capable of following on my own," he teased and felt like laughing again when something that could maybe be amusement flashed across Spock's face.
He turned to take in the room full of calling stations, all ready to bring them help.
"Alright," Jim said, sliding onto the chair of the nearest one. "Let's call your parents first. I don't even know if I'll be able to reach my mom right now."
Jim typed in the planetary calling code for Vulcan and frowned. He typed it again and then turned to Spock. "Is that wrong?"
Spock shook his head, a small crease forming between his brows. "Perhaps they have disabled calling capabilities?"
Jim typed in the code for Earth and a picture of the globe appeared with instructions to choose from the list of 300 countries currently found on Terra.
They both stared at the screen as Jim retyped the code for Vulcan. When nothing came up again, Jim couldn't help the shiver that ran up his back.
"It's like it's just..."
"Dead," Spock said quietly.
"What?" Jim demanded. That was quite a conclusion to jump to and Spock looked like he had jumped right to the mental break-down. "Why would you say that?"
"I can feel the void. I did not wish to acknowledge its presence, but it is all-encompassing. It swallowed my mother."
Jim stared at Spock, who was staring at nothing, and considered shaking the other boy. "Spock you're not making any sense. What does this have to do with your mom?"
"She is dead. She must be dead; I cannot feel her and she is Human, she has no psychic shields. She would never be able to block our bond like this. She is dead."
Spock was falling apart before his eyes and even Jim could hear the voices carrying down the hall on the other side of the door. For the first time in his life, Jim couldn't think of a way out.
"Spock," he said softly, hands raised as he stepped towards the boy who was now crouched on the floor, shaking. "Spock, you don't know that she's dead. Maybe your psychic bond thing doesn't work as well over long distances. You know, maybe we're just really far away from her and Vulcan. So far the intersolars can't even call it!" Spock swallowed audibly and closed his eyes. "Or maybe they've got some crazy anti-psy device that blocks all psychic activity. And they didn't bother blocking calls to Earth because they know that I don't have anyone there I can call. And..." Jim paused, his breathing matched with Spock's. He felt so damn helpless and scared and any second someone was going to come through that door--
It slid open like some sort of sick betrayal and Jim spun to face the woman who entered, blocking Spock with his body. She pulled up short when she saw him and the door slid shut behind her.
"What did you do to him?" she asked, and Jim scowled.
When she took a step towards them Jim spread his arms and yelled, "Stay away from him."
"I just want to help him," she said, sounding just as angry, though not nearly as loud.
Jim was about to say something particularly rude when a small hand came to rest on his shoulder and Jim had a horrifying moment to think, 'Oh god, he's gonna knock me out too and leave with this bitch.' But the hand tightened only enough to shove Jim forward and then they were pushing past the woman who seemed so stunned she could only yell, "Spock!" before the door closed behind them.
Jim pulled them through the next nearest doorway -- into a conference room of some sort -- and hit the locks to override the auto-open. It wouldn't last, he knew, but it would buy them some time to screw with the controls. Climbing onto a chair, Jim popped open the maintenance hatch and started pulling wires. The lights went out first, something powered down in the back corner and then finally with a few more yanks the door made a sad hissing sound, but remained closed.
Jim listened, heart in his throat, as several voices tried their command override codes. Nothing opened the door. Someone called for a 'Scotty' to get to deck G as soon as possible. Jim pulled out a few more parts just to be safe.
Then he jumped down and turned to the boy who was seated on the floor, eyes closed, seemingly at rest.
"Spock?" Jim asked quietly as the voices in the corridor faded. Spock made no response to indicate he had heard. Jim reached out a hand to shake him but Spock caught it before he could make contact.
"Please refrain," was all he said before dropping Jim's hand. He hadn't even opened his eyes. Jim couldn't begin to understand, but he didn't try to rouse the other boy again. Instead he sat next to Spock on the floor and waited.
More voices had come and gone and returned again by the time Spock snapped out of it.
"They're cutting their way in," Jim blurted as soon as Spock's eyes opened. He didn't like being the only one to have to deal with this shit. "It'll probably take awhile because they're gonna try to fix the door controls before they just cut the whole thing off, but we're trapped either way."
"It does not matter," Spock said, cool and neutral.
"Are you kidding?" Jim balked. "Of course it matters, they fucking kidnapped us!"
"Your deduction is illogical. As is your outrage."
"My outrage? What's illogical is your fucking indifference all of a sudden! We need to get out of here!"
"There is no point. Vulcan is gone."
Jim gripped at his hair. He'd sat here for an hour waiting for Spock, just to find out he'd already decided to give up? Well fuck that. And fuck Spock too.
"So what if it is?" he snapped, not missing the way Spock flinched a little. "You're half human; why does everything have to be about Vulcan? That's a great way to show your mom you love her." Spock's brows flew together but it was better than a blank look of apathy. Plus he'd be able to vent is panic better if Spock fought back.
But he didn't fight back. Spock stared at him, his features softening slowly, and then he broke eye contact to stare at the floor instead. Jim watched him for a beat before turning and stalking off to the other side of the room. He didn't need Spock's help to find a way out.
Half an hour later he was questioning this conclusion. Maybe he should ask for Spock's help. Or at least a boost up towards the air vent. The chair on the chair on the table hadn't been a good idea.
Jim crossed the room back to where Spock had yet to move. He opened his mouth and Spock looked up, pinning him with a gaze that was so emotional Jim forgot what he'd been about to say. Spock looked sad and lost and confused, and Jim didn't know what to do besides sit back down next to him.
"I am half human," Spock said, his voice low and steady. "Even if Vulcan is still in existence, I am half human."
Jim didn't know what to say when Spock paused, so he clenched his hands together and waited.
Eventually Spock continued. "I acted out against those who spoke ill of my mother because I... love her," he said, as though to speak of 'love' was somehow physically difficult for him. Hell, Jim thought, it very well might be.
"But on Earth, love is commonplace. And I am part Earth just as I am part Vulcan."
Spock turned to Jim finally and said, "Do you love, Jim?"
'No,' he wanted to say, 'I don't love anyone because no one loves me.'
Instead he replied, "Everyone loves. They just might not realize it." It sounded like something his mother might have said once upon a time, and it made Jim almost as sad as it did happy to hear it come out of his own mouth.
"Yes. Love is not logical, but my mother loves Earth. Perhaps I will too."
Jim smiled and Spock's eyes relaxed in return. There were still sounds of people and equipment out in the hall, but for a moment Jim was content to sit and smile.
Until Spock started to fade. Jim reached out without thinking, but Spock's face was solid under his touch.
"Spock?" Jim asked, worried. Spock looked down at his own hands in his lap.
"Jim," he answered, grabbing the blonde's forearm. Jim could see through Spock now, to the wall behind him and he grabbed the other boy's hand.
"Stop; what's going on?"
"I do not know. There is a weightless sensation."
"Don't," Jim said, panic creeping into his voice, his eyes darting all over Spock's body. "Spock, don't leave me."
"I cannot control this." The grip on Jim's arm was almost painful until the pressure was gone suddenly, Spock's arms stopping at his shoulders as his face faded to a bare outline.
"Don't leave me!" Jim's voice cracked as he shouted, pleaded with his eyes and hands that could no longer grasp at Spock's sleeves.
There was a breathless pause as the two boys locked gazes, and then Spock was gone.
Jim fell forward into the space Spock had been sitting, the carpet still warm under his hands, and tried not to cry.
- - -
Spock woke suddenly, Jim's name on his lips. There was a weight against his chest: a warm body with blonde hair and a gold command shirt. Spock relaxed with relief for a moment, taking in their surroundings. He and Jim were laying beneath vaguely familiar thick, green foliage.
"Captain," Spock said, sitting up enough to roll Jim onto his back. He did not wake, though, even when Spock shook his shoulder.
"Jim."
Nothing.
Spock did not panic. He crawled from under the flora, recognizing it as the plant he and Jim had stopped to inspect during their collection mission. Their equipment was gone, but his communicator was still strapped to his waist. Spock dragged Jim out behind him and hailed the Enterprise.
"Spock?" came Nyota's voice almost immediately. Spock could easily recognize the surprise and hope in her tone.
"Correct," Spock answered, kneeling to check Jim's pulse. It was slow but strong.
"Is the captain with you?" she asked before Spock could continue.
"Yes, though he is unconscious and refusing to wake. We need to be beamed up immediately."
"I'll call down to Engineering now," she said and the transmission ended.
Spock pulled Jim into a sitting position and then hauled him up, easily supporting his dead weight. Jim's head lolled onto his shoulder and Spock held on tightly, counting Jim's shallow breaths against his neck until the tiny golden lights began to swarm around them.
McCoy was waiting in the transporter room when they arrived, with two nurses and a gurney. Spock answered all his questions as they hurried to sick bay: No, he did not know what was wrong, nor did he know how long Jim had been in this condition, Yes, he too had been sleeping and had woken on his own, No, he had not attempted to meld with the captain to ascertain his condition.
They lifted Jim onto a biobed and Spock thought of how he had just dreamed about Jim in this very same position, only much younger.
"Alright," McCoy said, pulling Spock from his thoughts. "You hail the bridge and get Sulu down here. Tell him Jim's still out of it."
"Doctor?" Spock asked, "Do you know what is going on?"
"Vaguely, but Sulu will be able to explain it better. I'm a doctor, not a botanist."
Spock lifted an eyebrow, but hailed the bridge without another word. Within minutes, Lt. Sulu was walking into the sick bay, armed with a padd and several data drives. Also he was smiling which, in this situation, Spock took to mean he should not worry unduly over the captain's condition.
"Commander," Sulu nodded politely. Spock nodded back and Sulu smiled again before admitting, "I'm not quite sure where to start with this, but here are the facts: You and the captain beamed down to the North East bio-dome on Flora Colony IV at approximately 0900 yesterday. We don't know if you were able to find and successfully collect the kumara hybrid we were sent here to collect, but we did find your equipment which appeared to be unused. And near the tools we found... well, we found you both, only... younger. Dr. McCoy was in the search party and confirmed the identities of both boys as yourself and Captain Kirk so we brought them both aboard. Both were unconscious just as the Captain is now. They woke this afternoon at approximately 1300 and to make a long story short, they've locked themselves in a conference room on G deck."
Sulu paused, clearly waiting for some sort of reaction. Spock thought he perhaps knew what he was supposed to say now.
"I do not need to hear the longer version of the story as I remember experiencing everything that happened to this younger version of myself."
Sulu beamed like that was exactly what he wanted to hear and handed Spock the padd.
"This is the plant we found your younger selves and tools next to." Spock could remember Jim pointing out the vivid purple flowers as they walked along the bio-dome's path. "It's known as the malmorpheus on its native planet. It took some research of all the flora we found in the area to realize the malmorpheus was probably responsible, but once I saw the effective qualities I knew this was it." Sulu gestured to the padd in Spock's hands. He looked down to read, but the Lieutenant began paraphrasing for him.
"Basically the morpheus flora are revered on their native planet for their psychological healing or rejuvenating properties. The plants are considered nearly-sentient by many but regardless of anyone's opinion on the matter, they certainly possess psychologically altering capabilities. The flora harnesses its target's own energies to create an astral projection of a former version of their self. The malmorpheus will send the target back to a traumatic point in their life and its symbiotic counterpart, the benmorpheus, will send them back to an exhilarating or joyous point in their life. You and the captain must have been hit by the same flower because both of you were sent back to approximately the same age and, based on your reactions, to a most likely traumatic point in your lives. There are have always been ongoing debates concerning people's opinions over the "intentions" of the morpheus plants, but I personally believe it has more to do with-"
"Lieutenant," Spock intertupted, having finished reading the file. "It says here the astral projection will be terminated upon peaceful conclusion of inner turmoil for the malmorpheus and successful recreation of contentment for the benmorpheus."
"Yes," Sulu confirmed. "Clearly something happened to release you from the astral projection, but not the captain since he's still out of it."
Spock's eye shot up from the padd. "Jim is still locked in the conference room?"
"Most likely," Sulu began but Spock was already through the doors of the sick bay.
He reached the conference room where Scotty was carefully cutting through the wall.
"Mister Scott," Spock said as soon as he had lowered the tool.
"Commander?" he returned, clearly shocked. "But I thought-"
"How close are you to being able to open these doors?" Spock interrupted.
"Well I just finished cutting through so as soon as I can pry this off, rewire the controls, or if need be re-route some auxiliary power to the door command to at least get inside and see what the little guy mucked up so spectacularly... well then you'll be able to get inside."
Spock did not scowl. Instead he asked, "How long will this take?"
Scott turned, carefully pried the wall apart and removed and reconnected a few wires. The doors whirred pathetically and remained closed. He turned back and shrugged apologetically. "It'll take a while."
'A while' turned out to be half an hour, Scott softly cursing the doors into compliance the whole time. Spock used the thirty minutes to consider what would happen when the doors opened. If Jim was still inside, he would most likely be upset. He had never enjoyed entrapment, self-imposed or otherwise.
If Jim was upset then he would most likely be further away from resolving the issues the malmorpheus had recalled through the astral projection. And Spock did not know enough about Jim at this point in his life to be able to make an educated guess as to what he would need for resolution.
A strange sound from the doors and Scott's triumphant proclamation pulled Spock from his thoughts. "Alright, give her a try," he said.
Spock stepped forward, breaking the sensors for the doors and as they slid open he had a moment to feel relief that Jim was still in the room before a small but solid body impacted with his own.
"What did you do with Spock?" Jim demanded, kicking and punching until Spock wrapped his hands around the boy's wrists and held him still. Through the contact of their skin Spock could feel Jim's anger, strong and unchecked, and his resolve, and under the boiling rage and determination a steady flow of fear and doubt.
"Please desist your struggling," Spock said, attempting to project calm.
"You took him!" Jim shouted still fighting uselessly against Spock's grip.
Spock shot a look at Scott and he took off, most likely headed for sick bay.
"I did not," Spock said. Jim glared up at him, finally really looking at who he was attacking and went still.
"You're Vulcan," he said softly. "Are you Spock's dad?"
"No," Spock said. He held Jim's gaze and answered, "I am Spock."
Jim glared and tugged at his wrists again. "Fuck off. I'll kill you if you've hurt him." Spock resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow. He should have guessed that Jim had been an angry child.
"We woke in sick bay and I stunned the doctor when he frightened you. We found the intersolar calling stations but were unable to reach Vulcan. We hid in this conference room until I disappeared."
"You could have seen any of that from a vid feed," Jim argued, but Spock could feel his anger ebbing.
"When I attempted to meditate in the conference room you tried to touch me and I stopped you with my hand. In that moment you felt fear and worry for me, but under that you felt worry that I would stop and leave you to deal on your own; that I would abandon you." Spock paused to kneel in front of Jim. He could only hope that this was what the boy needed to hear: "I will never abandon you."
Jim stared at him, eyes wide and vulnerable, and the tirade of emotions swarming through the boy almost forced Spock to break their contact. He opened his mouth and Spock was prepared for any argument but the one that came out, hushed and painful. "You can't promise that."
They stared at each other and Jim did not begin to fade away. When Mr. Scott returned with Dr. McCoy, Jim's defenses snapped back up and he pulled at Spock's grasp.
"Jim, please be calm. The doctor means you no harm." McCoy scowled but stopped in his tracks, hands presented as if in surrender.
"Then why don't you let me go?" Jim demanded. He was not prepared when Spock released his wrists, and stumbled backwards slightly.
"If you would please allow doctor McCoy to scan you, we can answer any questions you have." Jim glanced between the three men and then down the hall as if weighing his chances of getting away.
"Alright," he said eventually, turning towards McCoy but taking a step back towards Spock. McCoy ran the tricorder over Jim's body from as far away as possible and then nodded to Spock.
"Where am I?" Jim asked without preamble.
"You are on board the USS Enterprise," Spock explained, continuing before Jim could express any outrage. "There has been an accident and you find yourself presently much younger than your actually age. You are the captain of this Starship and I am your first officer."
"Spock," McCoy hissed, obviously displeased with the amount of information being disclosed. Spock ignored him; he had already made up his mind to lie to this boy as little as possible. Spock needed Jim to trust him.
Jim held Spock's gaze for several long moments before saying, "I want to talk to my mom."
"Very well," Spock agreed and stood.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" McCoy hissed at him as he passed, heading for the calling stations.
"I am simply allowing the captain to contact his mother," Spock answered without lowering his voice. Jim glanced between them and then pushed his way into the room he and Spock had been in earlier, hopping up onto the same consul chair as before.
Spock watched as he typed in the calling codes for Earth, North America, the United States, Iowa and finally his mother's home. Jim glanced at him again and Spock realized that this was a test. If his mother was not home, Jim would most likely deduce that she was still in space and thus Spock's explanation had been a lie.
Thankfully, Winona answered after only five rings, her face falling from pleasantly polite to shocked as soon as she turned on the view screen.
"Mom?" Jim said, sounding unsure and wary.
"Jimmy?" her eyes shot to Spock, standing in the background. "Spock what is going on?"
"You know this guy?" Jim demanded, glancing between Spock and the screen.
"Mrs. Kirk, there has been an accident, but your son is in good health. He merely wished to speak with you to ascertain the validity of my explanation."
"Which was?" she asked, clearly trying not to seem too upset. Spock appreciated her efforts.
"Jim and I were both placed under the influences of a flora known as the 'malmorpheus.' While the effects have terminated for me, Jim is still experiencing them," Spock left his explanation vague, hoping Jim's mother would get the hint and look up said effects on her own. He did not want to have to show Jim his own body laying in sick bay.
"And it's turned him into an eight-year-old?"
"Nine," Jim interjected grabbing his mother's attention again. She smiled at him and it was both fond and infinitely sad.
"Nine, huh?" Something passed between their gazes and Spock looked away, suddenly uncomfortable.
"So it's true then?" Jim asked eventually. "I'm really a Starship captain?"
Winona smiled and nodded. "Lord help us all."
Jim laughed and then smiled at his mother for the first time. She smiled back with her eyes though her mouth wavered. "I've gotta go, Jimmy, but you call me as soon as everything is back to normal, okay?"
"Okay," he agreed.
"And you keep looking after him, Commander," she added, looking at Spock.
"Understood," he answered. Jim signed off and Spock was not surprised that he did not give his mother the traditional parting of love of well-wishes.
Jim stared at the blank screen for several beats before he turned and asked, "Now what?"
Spock thought for a moment. "Are you in need of nourishment?"
Jim smiled suddenly, his brows lowering as he looked at Spock strangely. "You mean am I hungry?"
Spock nodded once.
"Yeah, I am." He slid down from the chair and shoved his hands in his pockets.
Spock led the way down to the mess which was fortunately relatively empty. By now the entire ship had undoubtedly heard about what had happened to the Captain. The few people who were in attendance turned to stare and Jim glared back, taking a discreet step closer to Spock as they headed towards the replicators.
Spock doubted the nutritious benefits of the meal Jim selected for himself, but found he had difficulty forcing Jim to choose something different.
Jim grinned at him around a mouthful of Earth pizza and it was so very familiar that Spock found himself smiling back gently.
"Spock." He turned to find Nyota standing next to their table.
"Hello," Spock said, pleasantly surprised. "Would you care to join us?"
"I can't. I'm just taking a short break, but I wanted to make sure you were well."
Spock nodded and watched Nyota's attention shift to Jim.
"Captain," she nodded, smiling softly and a bit ironically. Jim took another bite of his food and mumbled 'hey'. Nyota raised an eyebrow at Spock who mirrored the gesture.
"Okay, I'm done," Jim said suddenly, standing. Spock eyed Jim's plate; his meal was only half finished.
"You will be hungry again later if you do not eat now," Spock pointed out. Jim glared and picked up his plate before stomping out of the mess.
Spock shared a look with Nyota before standing as well and following after the boy.
Jim stopped finally in a deserted hallway, sliding down the wall and picking at his food.
"You are upset," Spock observed, though he did not understand why.
"Is she your girlfriend?" Jim asked. He didn't sound angry or upset, but he also refused to meet Spock's eyes.
"Why is that relevant?" Spock asked.
"You shouldn't have promised that stuff if you have a girlfriend. You can't be there for someone else if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or anything else. Because people do stupid stuff for people they're fucking and they don't even care that they're hurting the people they said they always loved most."
Spock could not pretend to understand what was going on in Jim's mind. He wished suddenly and illogically for this to be over so that he could talk to a Jim who trusted him and confided in him without speaking in riddles. Spock stared down at the boy as he made a mess of what remained of his meal and realized that logic was not going to help Jim the way it had helped him work through the trauma recreated by the malmorpheus. Jim would need action and emotion, and Spock did not know how to give him either of these things.
Still, Spock did not believe he was incorrect concerning his earlier conclusions about the traumatic emotions Jim needed to come to terms with.
And though Spock would never claim to be an expert on the motivations behind human words and actions, as he looked down at the boy sulking stubbornly in the halls of his own Starship he thought that perhaps he knew what to do.
"Jim," Spock said, undeterred when Jim did not look up to meet his gaze. "Will you please accompany me to my quarters?"
Jim did look at him then, and Spock recognized it as a look of suspicious disbelief.
"There is something I wish to show you."
He took his time about it, but eventually Jim was standing next to Spock, his dinner forgotten on the floor. Spock resisted the urge to clean it up before turning and making his way towards the lifts.
They walked in silence, Jim's hands shoved into his pants' pockets as he attempted to surreptitiously take in their surroundings.
"The temperature will most likely not be pleasing to you at first. I will adjust the controls," Spock said, and they went inside.
Jim did voice his displeasure and drop his coat to the ground as soon as the doors were closed, just as Spock had predicted. He lowered the temperature by several degrees, more so than he would have had Jim entered his rooms under normal circumstances.
"Please come here," Spock said, sitting down at his desk and starting up his computer. He opened a drawer as Jim made himself comfortable and pulled out the data drive Jim had given him earlier this year. He inserted it and opened one of the many files that he had only ever look through once, and then only at Jim's stubborn insistence.
"This is the first away mission you and I went on together," Spock said before clicking on an image file.
The picture that popped up had always made Jim laugh, but the young boy sitting next to him now merely pointed at himself and said, "That looks like my dad."
"That is you, at 25 years of age," Spock explained. Jim's eyes grew wide.
"Really?" Spock nodded. "And that's the doctor you knocked out?" Again, Spock nodded. "Why do you guys look so pissed off?"
Spock looked at the picture. He and Dr. McCoy did indeed look upset compared to Jim who stood between them, beaming at the camera.
"You were the one who insisted on the picture being taken. The Doctor and I were not eager to comply."
Jim grunted and crossed his arms. "Bet you guys get along great."
Spock could not tell if Jim was employing sarcasm at the moment but, just to be safe, he assured him, "Not at all," and clicked on a video file.
The screen changed to a view of similar scenery as the background of the previous picture. Jim's gold-clad arm reached into the frame and gently touched the vibrantly red foliage that the camera had been trained on. The leaves and blossoms quickly but gently folded up and away from his touch. He repeated the process with several other branches before swinging the camera around.
"Spock!" Jim's voice called from off-screen. Spock, who was now within the field of vision of the camera turned, tricorder held delicately in front of him. "C'mere!"
Spock watched himself approach Jim and the camera, which swung around again back to the flora.
"Watch," Jim's voice said, softly excited, and he reached out again to gently brush a finger down the stem of plant. The leaves immediately folded in upon each other.
"Interesting," Spock could hear his own voice say behind the camera. "The phenomenon is most likely a defense mechanism." The soft sounds from his tricorder could be heard and then the camera's view lowered as Jim's attention shifted away from what he was recording. The clip ended shortly after, cutting off the rest of Jim and Spock's conversation.
Spock glanced over at Jim who was still watching the computer screen. He clicked on several other picture files, letting Jim study them for several moments before moving to the next. They had gone through the first several away missions Jim and Spock had been on together before they reached the picture files Jim's mother had taken during Spock's first visit to the Kirk homestead in Iowa. Spock clicked more quickly through these pictures as many of them were vaguely embarrassing, even for Spock. The boy next to him laughed out loud at the picture of Spock on a tractor and Spock lingered a little longer on the photo.
Once they had viewed all the files, Spock removed the drive and Jim looked down at his hands.
When it didn't appear that he was going to comment, Spock said, "You gifted this drive to me on the anniversary of my birth several months ago. At the time you had said, jokingly, that pictures of myself in your presence were the best gift you could think to give. I did not disagree then, nor do I disagree now."
"So we're friends," Jim said; it was not a question, Spock was please to notice.
"We are."
"We're best friends."
"You are the closest friend I have ever had. I have served on the Enterprise for the past two years because of you, and I will continue to serve on the Enterprise so long as you are her Captain."
Jim kept his gaze averted. Spock noted that his breathing was slightly labored: a harsh inhale and exhale despite him not having exerted any energy recently.
"So you go where I go. And I get to go where you go?" Jim lifted his head and watched for Spock's answer with slightly moist eyes.
"That is correct," Spock said and did not dare even to blink as Jim assessed the honestly of his response. They stared at each other for several long moments until Jim blinked rapidly and looked down at his hands in confusion. They were beginning to fade.
"Spock?" Jim said, reaching for the half-Vulcan.
"Do not worry; the effects of the malmorpheus are simply terminating."
"I won't forget?" Jim asked as his grip vanished from Spock's hands.
Spock answered, "I did not forget. But if you do, I will remind you," and watched Jim disappear.
- - -
Leonard was alerted to Jim's change in status by the padd sitting on his desk. It flashed at him and he was out of his office before the message had finished scrolling across the screen.
Jim looked up as soon as he opened his office door and they stared at each other for several moments before the Captain grinned at him unabashedly.
"Sorry about earlier," he said, sounding completely unrepentant.
"Yeah, well," Leonard said as he ran a quick scan, not quite sure what to say. "You can make it up to me later."
Jim waited just long enough to get the go-ahead nod from him before bounding off the bio-bed.
"Sure, later," he agreed with a clap to the exact place mini-Spock had squeezed to take him down earlier. He growled and swatted at Jim as he hurried from the sick bay, laughing.
Leonard watched him go and then shook his head with a sigh. One of these days that man was going to kill him and then the whole ship would be in trouble. He sighed again and headed back to his office for a glass of medicinal relaxation.
- - -
Jim was pressing the buzzer to Spock's room before he realized that he had no idea what he was going to say.
Sitting in Spock's quarters one second and waking up in sick bay the next had been strange and more than a little disorienting, but he hadn't hesitated in making his way back here. To see Spock.
And let him know that he was okay, obviously.
The door opened and Jim smiled hesitantly.
"Hey."
Spock nodded in greeting as his eyes ran up and down Jim. "You are well?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. A little tired, but... yeah."
So maybe he should have thought about how awkward this could have been before he'd come running. Now that he thought about it, things had gotten pretty heavy today. Maybe that's why he was here? Because there was something new between him and Spock now?
Jim thought about it as they stood awkwardly, staring at each other, but nothing felt significantly changed within his feelings for Spock. He just felt... enlightened, maybe. And thankful. Yes. That had to be why he was here.
"I just wanted to say thanks. For everything. I really appreciate everything you said and that you didn't treat me like a kid. I used to hate that," he added with a short laugh.
Spock's eyes softened. "Everything I told your astral projection is true," he said, softly and solemnly. Jim could have sworn he actually felt something release in his chest at Spock's words. He wanted to say 'I know,' but honestly he hadn't known that Spock was here because of him, and not just his sense of duty to Starfleet or the Enterprise herself. He hadn't known that where he went Spock might want to follow or that wherever Spock went Jim was welcome to go too.
It was a strange feeling that this knowledge sparked inside him: like his chest was too tight and his veins hurt with whatever was passing through them.
The urge he sometimes got to do something crazy around Spock was back, but he reigned it in and smiled shakily instead.
"Thank you," he said again, stronger than he thought it might come out. Spock was looking at him intently, like maybe he could read Jim's mind without having to touch him and that was a scary thought because Spock could do anything if he really wanted to. "Well I guess I'm gonna go take a nap or something. Projecting an astral depiction of myself as a nine-year-old is pretty tiring."
"Indeed," Spock agreed after a beat, his expression softening again. "I will see you later this evening."
"Yeah, see ya."
Jim turned and walked away, and only after he heard the swoosh of Spock's door closing did he exhale loudly.
So he and Spock were closer friends than he'd ever imagined. That was good. That was great, and it only hurt a little that he was the only one feeling anything more than friendship. Because Spock would let him know if he wanted anything more. It was logical to be straightforward and blunt. It was logical to go for what you wanted.
Jim stopped in the middle of the hall and stared at his door, only a few feet away. It was too bad he wasn't a logical being. He thought of their day, of Spock's sleeve clutched in his hand and Spock young gaze locked with his and Spock leaving but coming back back for him, and made up his mind. Friendship was all he could ask for and friendship was all he would ask for.
"Jim," came Spock's voice from down the hall. Jim turned, saw Spock approaching and thought, 'fuck that.'
He met Spock half-way, wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed his First Officer for all he was worth. Spock's hands came up to rest on his hips almost immediately and Jim sighed, smiled, and pressed closer.
Eventually they pulled away from each other, but Jim stayed close enough so that he could lean in and kiss Spock again if he needed to. Just in case.
"I would explain myself," Spock said, "but I believe we are 'on the same page,' as you might say."
"You're probably right, but I never get tired of people telling me they want me."
Spock lifted an eyebrow delicately and Jim could only grin. His mind seemed to be racing -- what now? want to kiss him again. do half-Vulcans jump into bed before the first date? what does this mean? -- but his hands were steady as one ran up Spock's side, paused it his heart, and then ran back down to wrap around his waist. He brought the other down from where it had tangled in Spock's hair and held it between them. In all honesty he knew what to do, but he wanted Spock to show him. He wanted this to be new and not based on information he had learned from being a voyeur, if one could be considered a voyeur on his own damn bridge.
Spock, whether he knew what might be going on in Jim's mind or not, lifted a hand as well and slowly curled all but two fingers into his palm. Jim mimicked the move and then smiled when Spock gently touched the pads of their fingers together.
Jim immediately felt a sense of calm contentment wash over him and though he couldn't tell if it was his own or being pressed into him by Spock, he was content to believe that it came from both of them.
With the calm came a devastating wave of tiredness.
"You need sleep," Spock said softly and Jim nodded before he could stop himself. So to prove sleep was not the only thing he needed, Jim tightened his embrace and grazed the pads of his fingers down Spock's own.
Spock's other hand clenched briefly at his hip, but he remained otherwise unswayed. Jim decided to try another tactic.
"Come with me?" When Spock raised a speculative eyebrow at him, Jim added, "I swear I'm too tired to try anything."
"I find that difficult to believe," Spock answered, but his eyes smiled fondly at Jim who, encouraged despite Spock's words, took a step back. Spock followed and they shuffled towards Jim's door with improbable grace. It occurred to Jim that he would probably have a difficult time believing this had actually happened when they woke but damn, some day it was going to make one hell of a story.