night lights ★/ oneshot.
Pairing: suchen
Rating: pg-13
Word Count: 1,313 words
Summay: It's late and Jongdae should be sleeping, but he'd rather just cling to his boyfriend.
Author's Note: Birthday gift for my baby Yoanna. I'm sorry it's so short and late but I hope you like it. I need to work on writing better suchen TT TT
Growing up, there was nothing that scared Jongdae more than the dark. And maybe, he reasons one night as he lies in bed, his arms wrapped around his boyfriend, that’s why he likes Joonmyeon so much. Because there is nothing brighter, lighter - better - than Kim Joonmyeon. Nights like this, Jongdae likes to watch Joonmyeon sleep. He looks sweet - well, he always does - but sleeping Joonmyeon seems extra sweet, his mouth hanging open. He’s drooling slightly, his expensively done hair messy under him.
He likes watching the older boy’s bare chest rise and fall. Jongdae loves watching, loves seeing Joonmyeon breathe - life flowing in and out of him. There are very few things that Jongdae likes more than this. He likes the feeling of their bodies pressed together. Joonmyeon is warm, too. Jongdae remembers the first time they held hands and Jongdae thought Joonmyeon must have been sick - his skin so warm. But that’s just how Joonmyeon is. And maybe Jongdae is too cold, he reasons.
He reasons that him and Joonmyeon are about as opposite as they come. And maybe opposites attract. Or maybe him and Joonmyeon are the exception and not the rule. He’s not sure what it is, really, but he thinks that him and Joonmyeon are perfect for each other.
Jongdae holds onto Joonmyeon tight - probably tighter than he should (and maybe that’s why he likes watching Joonmyeon breathe - so that he knows he’s not actually choking him). His skin is soft, but Jongdae likes most to trace the scares across Joonmyeon’s stomach - from when he had surgery (a cancer scare that still scares Jongdae to this day).
He likes reminding himself that Joonmyeon is still alive. That he’s still here with him. That they can still touch, still feel. Jongdae tries not to think about the previous year when they first heard about the cancer. He’s blocked that out. He’s blocked out the months after when they spent more time at the hospital than anywhere else, where every second with Joonmyeon might have been Jongdae’s last.
These are things he doesn’t like to think about. He likes to think about the movies he wants to take Joonmyeon to. He likes to think about all the new food he’ll make him (most of which won’t taste as good as Joonmyeon’s own cooking, but Jongdae knows he won’t mind). He likes to think about all the sex they’ll have (Jongdae thinks about this more than he would admit to anyone).
Jongdae likes a lot of things. Most of all he likes Joonmyeon. Of course, Joonmyeon likes him back - what he doesn’t care much for is Jongdae waking him up as he holds too tightly to Joonmyeon’s small frame. He doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t mind too much, really. He likes being here with Jongdae and he loves seeing the smile that’s on his boyfriend’s face - he loves that that’s the first thing he sees when he wakes up.
“Jongdae-yah, you know you have to let me sleep some times.” His voice is low, husky, and Jongdae only laughs in response. He holds Joonmyeon tighter, pressing their bodies together. This is what Jongdae really likes - them, together, stuck. Jongdae doesn’t mind anything else as long as they are together. It’s cheesy, he knows, but it’s also true.
“How can I let you sleep when you look so cute?” Jongdae responses and Joonmyeon just sighs. He reaches down and pets Jongdae’s hair, the boy’s head rested lightly on his chest at this point. “You’re the cute one,” Joonmyeon responds a minute later and Jongdae just giggles again. He feels giddy - Joonmyeon makes him feel giddy.
There’s very little light in the room - just the glow of the night light Jongdae had insisted they needed. (“What if monsters come for us and we can see them? How are we going to fight them?” “I’ll make sure nothing hurts you, Jongdae. You know I will.” “I don’t worry about them hurting me; I’m worried about them hurting you.” “Fine. If it makes you feel safer, we can use your childish night light.” “You are so mean to me, Hyung!” “But you love me.” “You know I do.”) Yet even with the small light, Jongdae can see everything. His eyes are so used to small light source and it appears to him that Joonmyeon is glowing, bright, beautiful.
“Why can’t you sleep?” Joonmyeon whispers a few minutes later. “Is everything all right?” Jongdae nods into the boy’s chest, his eyes flickering up to stare at Joonmyeon. The elder boy sighs. “Then why won’t you let me sleep?!”
“Who needs sleep when I can just hold you and talk to you, Hyung?”
“You are so cheesy, Jongdae. I think I’m gonna be sick.”
“Yah!” he calls but then only laughs. Joonmyeon laughs, too, and wraps his around around him tight. Jongdae sighs, sweet, almost a purr against Joonmyeon’s skin. Goosebumps spread across Joonmyeon’s body and Jongdae only grins in response. “You really like me, don’t you?”
“Why would you ask such a stupid question, Jongdae?”
“I just like hearing you say it.”
Joonmyeon laughs. “I like you, Jongdae. I like you a whole, whole lot. I love your face and your skin. I love your laugh and the way you make me feel. I love everything about you, darling. Everything. I love it all.”
Jongdae giggles, the feeling causing more goosebumps to spread across Joonmyeon’s skin once again. “You’ll never leave me, right?”
“Never ever,” Joonmyeon replies and hopes that it’s true. He hopes that he never has to leave Jongdae - but, well, he’s not sure. He never wants to, but he doesn’t control the universe. He wants his life to stay like this - warm, close to Jongdae. But he doesn’t know how long it can, not really. He worries about the cancer. He worries about his headaches that are coming back. He worries about Jongdae, really. Because if Joonmyeon is dead, that’s it. No more for him - but he knows Jongdae has to keep living on even when Joonmyeon can’t.
He doesn’t want that. It’s the last thing he wants, really. The thought of Jongdae sad and in pain hurts him more than anything else ever has - hurts more than the cancer, more than the surgery. Joonmyeon can handle his own pain just fine; he can’t handle Jongdae’s.
But Joonmyeon tries not to think about this. The world is a dark place, he knows. There are so many scary things out there - monsters just waiting to attack. But Jongdae is his light, his brightness. When everything in his life was dark and scary, Jongdae was with him - every moment, every second. Joonmyeon knows what Jongdae thinks about himself - he knows the boy views himself as something dark, bad, wrong. And Joonmyeon knows Jongdae isn’t the best - he know he has problems, troubles and often doesn’t know how to react to them in a good, proper way.
Joonmyeon knows that Jongdae can only see his darkness. But Joonmyeon doesn’t see that. Jongdae is his night light - the brightness he needs to keep him going. Joonmyeon knows his own darkness as well; it’s a place Jongdae doesn’t know; a place he’s never visted. Joonmyeon wants to keep it that way - wants to stay bright and light and beautiful for Jongdae.
He worries he can’t, though. He worries his darkness will take him over, control him. He worries that one day he won’t be bright enough, light enough for Jongdae. He worries but not much - there are too many other things that matter. There is too many beautiful things about Joonmyeon, too. He is bright and beautiful - multilayered, complex. Real.
And as Joonmyeon finally falls back to sleep, Jongdae still pressed against him, head on his chest - Joonmyeon thinks that he must be pretty fucking great to deserve someone as wonderful as Kim Jongdae by his side.
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Rating: pg-13
Word Count: 1,313 words
Summay: It's late and Jongdae should be sleeping, but he'd rather just cling to his boyfriend.
Author's Note: Birthday gift for my baby Yoanna. I'm sorry it's so short and late but I hope you like it. I need to work on writing better suchen TT TT
Growing up, there was nothing that scared Jongdae more than the dark. And maybe, he reasons one night as he lies in bed, his arms wrapped around his boyfriend, that’s why he likes Joonmyeon so much. Because there is nothing brighter, lighter - better - than Kim Joonmyeon. Nights like this, Jongdae likes to watch Joonmyeon sleep. He looks sweet - well, he always does - but sleeping Joonmyeon seems extra sweet, his mouth hanging open. He’s drooling slightly, his expensively done hair messy under him.
He likes watching the older boy’s bare chest rise and fall. Jongdae loves watching, loves seeing Joonmyeon breathe - life flowing in and out of him. There are very few things that Jongdae likes more than this. He likes the feeling of their bodies pressed together. Joonmyeon is warm, too. Jongdae remembers the first time they held hands and Jongdae thought Joonmyeon must have been sick - his skin so warm. But that’s just how Joonmyeon is. And maybe Jongdae is too cold, he reasons.
He reasons that him and Joonmyeon are about as opposite as they come. And maybe opposites attract. Or maybe him and Joonmyeon are the exception and not the rule. He’s not sure what it is, really, but he thinks that him and Joonmyeon are perfect for each other.
Jongdae holds onto Joonmyeon tight - probably tighter than he should (and maybe that’s why he likes watching Joonmyeon breathe - so that he knows he’s not actually choking him). His skin is soft, but Jongdae likes most to trace the scares across Joonmyeon’s stomach - from when he had surgery (a cancer scare that still scares Jongdae to this day).
He likes reminding himself that Joonmyeon is still alive. That he’s still here with him. That they can still touch, still feel. Jongdae tries not to think about the previous year when they first heard about the cancer. He’s blocked that out. He’s blocked out the months after when they spent more time at the hospital than anywhere else, where every second with Joonmyeon might have been Jongdae’s last.
These are things he doesn’t like to think about. He likes to think about the movies he wants to take Joonmyeon to. He likes to think about all the new food he’ll make him (most of which won’t taste as good as Joonmyeon’s own cooking, but Jongdae knows he won’t mind). He likes to think about all the sex they’ll have (Jongdae thinks about this more than he would admit to anyone).
Jongdae likes a lot of things. Most of all he likes Joonmyeon. Of course, Joonmyeon likes him back - what he doesn’t care much for is Jongdae waking him up as he holds too tightly to Joonmyeon’s small frame. He doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t mind too much, really. He likes being here with Jongdae and he loves seeing the smile that’s on his boyfriend’s face - he loves that that’s the first thing he sees when he wakes up.
“Jongdae-yah, you know you have to let me sleep some times.” His voice is low, husky, and Jongdae only laughs in response. He holds Joonmyeon tighter, pressing their bodies together. This is what Jongdae really likes - them, together, stuck. Jongdae doesn’t mind anything else as long as they are together. It’s cheesy, he knows, but it’s also true.
“How can I let you sleep when you look so cute?” Jongdae responses and Joonmyeon just sighs. He reaches down and pets Jongdae’s hair, the boy’s head rested lightly on his chest at this point. “You’re the cute one,” Joonmyeon responds a minute later and Jongdae just giggles again. He feels giddy - Joonmyeon makes him feel giddy.
There’s very little light in the room - just the glow of the night light Jongdae had insisted they needed. (“What if monsters come for us and we can see them? How are we going to fight them?” “I’ll make sure nothing hurts you, Jongdae. You know I will.” “I don’t worry about them hurting me; I’m worried about them hurting you.” “Fine. If it makes you feel safer, we can use your childish night light.” “You are so mean to me, Hyung!” “But you love me.” “You know I do.”) Yet even with the small light, Jongdae can see everything. His eyes are so used to small light source and it appears to him that Joonmyeon is glowing, bright, beautiful.
“Why can’t you sleep?” Joonmyeon whispers a few minutes later. “Is everything all right?” Jongdae nods into the boy’s chest, his eyes flickering up to stare at Joonmyeon. The elder boy sighs. “Then why won’t you let me sleep?!”
“Who needs sleep when I can just hold you and talk to you, Hyung?”
“You are so cheesy, Jongdae. I think I’m gonna be sick.”
“Yah!” he calls but then only laughs. Joonmyeon laughs, too, and wraps his around around him tight. Jongdae sighs, sweet, almost a purr against Joonmyeon’s skin. Goosebumps spread across Joonmyeon’s body and Jongdae only grins in response. “You really like me, don’t you?”
“Why would you ask such a stupid question, Jongdae?”
“I just like hearing you say it.”
Joonmyeon laughs. “I like you, Jongdae. I like you a whole, whole lot. I love your face and your skin. I love your laugh and the way you make me feel. I love everything about you, darling. Everything. I love it all.”
Jongdae giggles, the feeling causing more goosebumps to spread across Joonmyeon’s skin once again. “You’ll never leave me, right?”
“Never ever,” Joonmyeon replies and hopes that it’s true. He hopes that he never has to leave Jongdae - but, well, he’s not sure. He never wants to, but he doesn’t control the universe. He wants his life to stay like this - warm, close to Jongdae. But he doesn’t know how long it can, not really. He worries about the cancer. He worries about his headaches that are coming back. He worries about Jongdae, really. Because if Joonmyeon is dead, that’s it. No more for him - but he knows Jongdae has to keep living on even when Joonmyeon can’t.
He doesn’t want that. It’s the last thing he wants, really. The thought of Jongdae sad and in pain hurts him more than anything else ever has - hurts more than the cancer, more than the surgery. Joonmyeon can handle his own pain just fine; he can’t handle Jongdae’s.
But Joonmyeon tries not to think about this. The world is a dark place, he knows. There are so many scary things out there - monsters just waiting to attack. But Jongdae is his light, his brightness. When everything in his life was dark and scary, Jongdae was with him - every moment, every second. Joonmyeon knows what Jongdae thinks about himself - he knows the boy views himself as something dark, bad, wrong. And Joonmyeon knows Jongdae isn’t the best - he know he has problems, troubles and often doesn’t know how to react to them in a good, proper way.
Joonmyeon knows that Jongdae can only see his darkness. But Joonmyeon doesn’t see that. Jongdae is his night light - the brightness he needs to keep him going. Joonmyeon knows his own darkness as well; it’s a place Jongdae doesn’t know; a place he’s never visted. Joonmyeon wants to keep it that way - wants to stay bright and light and beautiful for Jongdae.
He worries he can’t, though. He worries his darkness will take him over, control him. He worries that one day he won’t be bright enough, light enough for Jongdae. He worries but not much - there are too many other things that matter. There is too many beautiful things about Joonmyeon, too. He is bright and beautiful - multilayered, complex. Real.
And as Joonmyeon finally falls back to sleep, Jongdae still pressed against him, head on his chest - Joonmyeon thinks that he must be pretty fucking great to deserve someone as wonderful as Kim Jongdae by his side.
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